Beautiful Disaster
by juliet2219
Summary: Ultimatums were set and choices were made: 10yrs later they come to regret what they've done. Bella has kept a secret from Edward for 10yrs and the truth is about to unravel. She has a brutal past and is a single mom, living 2 seperate lives. He is a crushed, bitter man who just found out that he has a son! Will love prevail or have the deceit left too many scars?
1. Preface - Walking away from you

_Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

_Every song lyric in this chapter belongs to __**Evanescence**_

_**...**_

_**Say it's over, yes it's over**_

_**But I need you anyway**_

_**Say you love me**_

_**But it's not enough**_

_**Not that I'm so different**_

_**Not that I don't see the dying light of what we used to be…**_

…_**And I'm a liar by your side**_

_**I'm about to lose my mind**_

_(The Change – Evanescence)_

Preface – Walking away from you

_**13 September 2001…**_

I stared out of the windows from our hotel room…stared blankly at nothing in particular. We have this magnificent view from our hotel room but I couldn't care less today.

I'm just so tired these days…_drained_ seems more fitting.

I miss Forks. I miss the rain. I miss the green, wet forests. I miss La Push.

I miss my Dad…

The black sky filled with oranges and reds and yellows as the sun started making its way to the sky. The colors mixed beautifully and then started blurring and it was only now that I've realized that I've been shedding tears. I didn't even bother wiping them from my cheeks as more kept rolling down. I sniffled a little and wrapped my arms around my knees, hugging them tightly to my torso.

"Baby what are you doing up?" his velvety voice broke me out of the depression-spell I was in. I woke up feeling a little depressed and I truly feel like shit…like this world's problems are resting on _my_ shoulders alone.

I didn't turn around to face him nor answer him. I just kept staring at the beauty of the sun.

I gasped when his arms came around my body and held me to him. My heart started pounding in my chest and my breath hitched a little. He always had this impact on me…his scent, his touch, his warmth …everything about him turned the atmosphere around me into bolts of electricity. And, of course, my girly bits ached for his touch and just about screamed out his name.

"Happy birthday my sweet, sweet Bella" he whispered into my ear before his tongue flicked out and started caressing my earlobe. Breathing frantically, I leaned back against him and closed my eyes with a sigh. I was powerless in his arms. His warm mouth trailed hot, wet kisses down the back of my neck as his hands unlocked my arms from my legs.

"Do you like that baby?" he whispered into my ear. His breath was hot and husky.

"Yes" I all but choked out.

I swallowed hard as his lips came around and started kissing my throat. He chuckled as he came around to face me and gently laid me back on the futon I was sitting on. He hovered above me before he finally claimed my aching lips. He kept the kiss very chaste for a couple of seconds but then I felt his warm tongue licking my bottom lip in the most erotic way. My lips opened on their own accord and he slowly and erotically pushed his tongue into my mouth where my tongue pushed forward and met him halfway and our tongues started dancing a wild and very hot tango. Gracing each other slowly and then turning furiously as they rolled around each other and our lips moved together in perfect unison.

He opened his gorgeous eyes and stared at my face for the first time since he woke up. His eyes turned from dark to light as the lust left them instantly. He frowned as his hand left my body, leaving it cold and aching. His hand came up to my face and wiped a tear away, which I haven't even realized was still there.

"Why are you crying? And why are you up at this hour, Love?" he asked with a voice filled with concern. I almost sobbed with the tenderness in his touch and voice but choked back the sob.

"Can we please not talk about it now…I need you" I whispered hoarsely while taking his hand and guiding it back to my body. He didn't move his hand like I was hoping he would. Instead he started pulling back but I grabbed him by the shoulders and started breathing hard.

"Please, please, please" I whispered and kissed him again. His hands came around my wrists and wanted to push me away but I started sobbing loudly.

"Please make love to me" I sobbed while desperately holding onto him. "Please, I need you so much. I need to feel your love, please" I begged him and even though we've made love a couple hours ago, I needed him now more than ever. I felt the resistance leave his body as he started kissing my pleading lips again. I slowly laid down again pulling him with me.

He looked into my eyes with confusion, "I need you inside of me, I need you to make love to me and pour all of your love into me" I whispered. He was still staring at me…I knew I was being different and I knew that he knew something was wrong with me but for now…maybe for the last time…I didn't care about anything else. I wanted the man I love to make love to me!

"Bella…" he started saying but I placed a finger over his mouth.

"Don't speak...I love you…just…just love me" I whispered.

"I do love you my Bella, so much" he whispered against my swollen lips before he kissed me again and moved his one hand to my hip, pressing me down. Then he started moving so slowly and so gently that I could feel all the love radiating into me. Tears rolled down the sides of my head as he made love to me with all the passion he was capable off. He never moved faster and never rushed anything…as if he knew that it would be our last time…as if he knew I was going to lose him.

His lips met my trembling lips and kissed me with every ounce of love he had in him. I slowly opened my eyes and watched in awe as a single teardrop rolled down his cheek and dropped onto mine, mixing our tears on my cheek. We stared into each other's eyes as we came together; screaming out each other's names.

We lay on the futon in each other's arms for a few minutes, catching our breath and just feeling the aftermath or our wonderful lovemaking. I tried to go over every detail again and tattooed it onto my heart for the future.

"I'll run a bath for us" he interrupted my thoughts before he kissed me again. I moaned, feeling my body heat up again by his kiss. I can never seem to get enough of this man. I just want to bury myself in his arms…

He returned back to me, picking me up bridal-style and walking back into the bathroom, gently putting me in the bath and then climbed in behind me. He pulled me down to lie on his chest and I sighed in contentment.

"Bella…" he sounded so unsure but I waited patiently for him to continue, "What's wrong? I don't understand all these mixed emotions that you've been having the last couple of days and quite frankly baby, it's scaring the shit out of me. Please help me understand so I can help you" he pleaded. The love and desperation in his voice brought a new set of tears to my eyes and broke my heart into a million pieces.

"I can't do this anymore" I said with a shaky voice because I was trying to hold back the tears and I was trying to hold myself together because I felt myself falling apart.

"Can't do what? Us? The band? What?" he asked with fear. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I know I was about to destroy the man I love because of my selfish needs.

"Everything. It's been three years since we left Forks and dropped out of school to fulfill your dreams. You've started the band and I supported you every step of the way but I can't do this anymore" I whispered.

"Baby, I'm…confused" he sounded confused and scared and it broke me just a little more.

The water was turning cold but neither of us made a move to get out of the water. I was still lying with my back on his chest where I could feel his breathing and heartbeat. His heart pounded hard against his chest and his breathing was fast and ragged. I knew the feeling…fear of losing the person you love…I feel it now, too.

"Are you ever going to marry me, Edward?" I asked and hugged my knees to my naked chest. I heard him gasp and I closed my eyes.

My head snapped up when I heard him laughing.

"You're joking, right?" he still laughed.

"No, I'm not. I'm dead-serious"

"You know how I feel about that" he hissed before he climbed out of the bath.

"We're not your parents Edward-"

"I don't give a shit Bella…I told you when we started dating that I'm never getting married" he threw his hands in the air after he wrapped a towel around his waist. He held out a towel for me and I stood up and let him wrap the towel around my cold body. We went to our room and he started getting dressed. I just sat on the bed with the towel still wrapped around my body.

"You were fine with the idea when we were kids, what has changed?" he sounded mad.

"We don't have a life anymore…it's been concert after concert for the past year and now you're planning a tour…I never see you anymore and I'm sick off living in hotel rooms. I want a life with you, I want children and a house with a white picket fence, I want to get married and at least see my husband once in a while…"

"Marriage won't change our lifestyle. The band will always be there and the concerts as well" he interrupted me. He sounded exasperated and scared at the same time.

"I hate that the entire female population are hanging on you and your body every opportunity they get. I hate that I have to share you with every other female out there. They get to see you more than I do and it's really been bugging me. I miss you" I whispered but he kept his back to me and stared out of the window.

"Jealousy doesn't suit you" he said running his fingers through his messed up hair.

"I'm not…" I started yelling but sighed instead. "I'm not jealous, I'm just…I'm just stating the facts" I sighed.

He stood with his back to me facing the windows I was sitting at this morning. He didn't say anything and I sighed.

_**Thought that I was strong**_

_**I know the words I need to say**_

_**Frozen in my place**_

_**I let the moment slip away**_

_**I've been screaming on the inside**_

_**And I know you feel the pain**_

_**Can you hear me? **_

"Aren't you going to say anything?" I asked him with a sigh.

He froze with his back to me and slowly turned around. His eyes were so dull and sad that if my heart wasn't already torn into pieces, it would have been now. But still, his eyes left their mark on my heart.

"Honestly, I don't know what to say Bella. I can't fix this, I don't know how and I don't know what the hell you want from me" he yelled in defeat.

"You can leave the band and you can ask me to marry you" I said. His head snapped up so fast that I thought he was going to lose it.

"I'm not going to marry you just to make_ you_ happy …I'm sorry but I can't do that…" he said in definite, no changing his mind about it. "Plus, now marriage is just not enough, you want me to give up my band, my dreams, my career because you don't like the female fans and the road trips?" he asked astounded. He shrugged and shook his head.

"What the fuck happened to you? You were fine a week ago-"

"That's where you're wrong" I yelled, "I haven't been fine for a while now, Edward. And that's just the damn problem" I started crying hysterically, "you've been so busy that you haven't even noticed that I'm falling apart and that you've been losing me for a while now"

"I've been losing you? Are you serious?" he gasped.

"We've been growing apart"

"That's just bullshit" he threw his hands in the air, "you're running around in circles here. What is this entire situation about?"

"I want you to choose me…for once I want you to choose me instead of the band." I sobbed out.

He rushed to my side and pulled me into his arms. _My safe-haven_. How can I leave him behind? How can I live without him? He is everything to me…everything!

_He's everything to you but you've been unhappy for the last year! _The voice in my head argued with my heart. I wanted to shut the voice up but I knew it was right…I've been constantly unhappy the last year and I have to do this for me. I have to start doing something for me for a change and not for him or the band. No matter how much I love him…I can't live like this anymore. This isn't even a life…I'm slowly killing myself.

"Bella" he whispered while cupping my face between his warm and tender hands. Tears filled his beautiful eyes and it was at this moment that I knew I've lost. "It has always been you, don't you see. You are everything to me"

"I'm not enough for you to marry me-"

"Again with the marriage-shit…I'm _never_ getting married" he almost yelled.

"I don't understand" I sighed.

"This is who I am, I don't know how to be a different man and I don't know what else to be. This is the career-path I've chosen and you knew this before we left Forks. I'm a musician; this is how I make a living for myself and for you. I just…I don't know what to be and if I'll ever be the right kind of man for you" he shook his head with a sigh, "I've always thought that you were the one, my only one. I don't need to marry you to prove that Bella. I love you more than my life. I'm sorry but I can't get married" he whispered.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as my heart shattered into a million pieces.

"And I can't choose between you and my band…I want both" he sighed and stood up, walking away from my shivering body. I felt my chin trembling from keeping the sobs from escaping my mouth.

"I'm never getting married…I've talked to you about this since we were little kids and you knew this. I just…can't" he said while sticking his hands in his pockets.

The sob I've been trying to keep in escaped and he slowly turned around to face me again. When I looked up and met his eyes, I gasped. His cheeks were stained with tears and his beautiful eyes kept filling with more tears. It broke my heart to see him like this but I knew that we were only going to hurt each other if I stayed. I wasn't happy anymore and it wasn't fair to him to stay and be miserable. It will bring him down and I'll rather die than to be the cause of his downfall.

At that moment his phone started ringing and I sighed because I know that he was going to leave in about ten minutes.

"What?...No it's fine…I'm not doing anything today…no, not anymore…I'll meet you downstairs" he said. He sniffled a little after he hung up and gave me his famous, panty-soaking crooked grin, which never reached his eyes though.

"I have to go to the stage, something came up with the sound or some shit. I need to sort that out before the concert tonight" he explained.

"I understand" I said but pulled my face a little in annoyance.

"I want you to think about this, Bella, because to me it sounds a bit fucked-up right now" he sighed. "The way you're throwing these ultimatums in my face and expecting me to leave my career behind is a bit selfish, not to mention the marriage-part. I don't know what the fuck happened to you" he raked his fingers through his hair, "but I can't deal with this right now. I have a concert in less than seven hours and I have a sound check to get to and I have to get ready"

"Selfish, huh? Yeah, I can see how you would think that" I broke eye contact, crossing my arms in front of my chest, feeling completely alone at this moment "go do your sound check and everything else you need to do for your big concert"

"I love you so much that it hurts to breathe" he whispered in between kisses. He rubbed my cheeks as tears spilled out of my eyes. "I wish I could be different and believe that all marriages are happily ever after's but I just don't believe in that. I love our life the way it is and I don't think putting a ring on your finger will take our relationship a step higher…this is our life baby. Why can't you be happy with just me, Edward Cullen? Why do I have to be your husband?" he asked.

"I need…I need more" I whispered and he shook his head in confusion. I'm not even making sense to myself so I don't really blame him for feeling confused. His lips brushed against mine again.

"I can't give you more" he whispered softly, running his fingers up and down my arms. "I'm sorry, but I can't be the man that _you_ want me to be. This is all I'll ever be" he smiled sadly. "I won't be the cause of you being unhappy"

"Then don't… Let's leave everything and start over somewhere else-"

"Have you not heard a word that I've said? I can't get married and I'm not leaving my band…and _children_? I don't know if I'm ready for that or if I'll ever be ready. That's a big fucking step right there"

I swallowed the tears away and looked away from his scorching eyes.

The pain in my chest was unbearable and excruciating.

"I have to go" he gave me a quick kiss, "can we talk about this when I get back from the sound check?" he asked.

"Edward, have you not listened to me? I'm not happy anymore"

"I have heard but what do you want me to do about it? You've picked a shitty day to deal with this-"

"I'm always an inconvenience…that's going to change, though" I interrupted him.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Just go" I answered.

"Bella" he whispered before he reached for the doorknob, "I don't know what's happening inside your heart but I'm begging you to wait for me so we can talk this through…" his voice was raspy. "See you later, baby" he whispered but didn't sound convinced. He opened the door and before I could say anything else, the door closed behind him…

I fell to my knees as soon as the door closed behind him and cried my heart out. I've lost…

How can he say that he loves me? How can he say that I'm everything to him?

I wrote a quick note to him before I got dressed and started packing my stuff…

With my suitcase in my one hand and the other holding the doorknob, I gave one last look around the room. It felt as if something pierced through my heart and the pain was unbearable as blood gushed out. Tears pooled up in my eyes again as the reality of my decision sunk in.

Love isn't everything…I've learned that the hard way.

I pulled the door close with a shivering sigh and walked away from the room and away from Edward Cullen's life…

_**Don't wanna be the one to walk away**_

_**but I can't bear the thought of one more day**_

_**I think I finally understand what it means to be lost**_

_(Oceans – Evanescence)_

_..._

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**This is just the preface…**

**Author's note: I know I've been missing in action and I'd like to apologize for that! I recently had a baby (boy) and let's just say that I haven't had it easy...he had colic (sigh) and I had no time on my hands for anything but my baby! He's better now, so I started working on new stories!**

**So please take the time to review and tell me what you think! i'll upload chapter one tomorrow, depending on the feedback...**


	2. Chapter One - Mirrors and Scars

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics in this chapter belongs to: CrashCarBurn & Rise Against**

**The magazines and Talk shows are made up and completely fictional. They exist in my mind…LOL!**

**I want to say one thing before you start this Chap! I have written two chapter one-scenarios - one in EPOV and one in BPOV - and the EPOV was so much easier to write and start the story with! I hope I don't dissapoint you because I received so many positive reviews on Preface and I would like to keep it that way...**

…**..**

_**Now as the years leave their mark on my face**_

_**They take a piece of my soul I can never replace**_

_**And I hope that you know how I loved you to death**_

_**I'll see you when we're laid to rest for good**_

_**(Sing this at my wake – CrashCarBurn)**_

Chapter One – Mirrors and Scars

_**EPOV**_

"_Her first single remained #1 on Stomp Top 10 for four weeks…Her face has covered Chicks & Guitars, Emo Freaks and Stomp…Her name is on every 'Rock/Goth/Emo-Addicts' lips and has earned the nickname – Goddess of Emo as well as 'Angel of Darkness!"_

"Can you believe this chick?" my fiancé complained and I couldn't help but smile. I sense a little jealousy dancing behind her lips.

"If you're good, you're good babe" I grinned.

"It has nothing to do with being good. She's a fucking freak" she answered quickly and turned the volume up. I frowned.

"_Please welcome the amazing Rock-Goddess, Izzy Stewart"_ Emily, the _Underground_ presenter, said with a huge smile.

At that moment Izzy appeared in a tight little black dress, barely covering the bottom of her asscheeks, with black boots that came up to her knees. I swallowed hard and quickly looked at my fiancé to make sure she didn't see my reaction. Izzy is gorgeous, an absolute fucking vision…

Long, silky black hair that hangs down her back, which kind of makes my fingers tingle with the urge to run them through her thick hair. Pink, plumpy lips with rosy cheeks and the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen on someone's face. Her eyes are crystal clear and when I saw her face for the first time on _Chicks & Guitars_, I could have sworn that she had the power to look right through me – look deep into my lost soul, unraveling all of my secrets and feelings.

There's also the fact that there's something familiar about her...I just can't put my finger on it! Maybe it would be easier if she wasn't hiding behind so much makeup; everything black, of course, even the lipstick is black.

"_I'm pretty sure that the rest of the world would like to know the real you. Tell us about yourself" _Emily said innocently, but I noticed the shadows that covered Izzy's face and fear crawled into her eyes. Almost as if she's hiding something.

She laughed nervously and crossed her one leg over the other.

"_There's not much to tell. What you see is what you get" _she answered.

"_Urm...okay! Tell us about your songs, then. Where do you get the inspiration to write such heartbreakingly sad songs?"_

She giggled again but I saw the hurt hiding in her eyes, killing me just to look into those blue pools.

"_My inspiration comes from my heart, Emily. I write what I feel-"_

"_So, what you're trying to tell the world is that your heart is broken?" _Emily said-asked.

"_I think that everyone has a little hurt inside of them…" _Izzy answered, running circles around Emily's statement.

"_We heard that you got signed to a record label-"_

"_Yeah, I did. My first album will be released in two weeks"_ Izzy said proudly.

I remember when our band got signed and recorded our first album. It was awesome…best time of my life because I had everything I ever wanted; my music, my band and the love of my life. By the second album-recording, we were broken up and nothing in my life made sense anymore. It's as if _she_ took everything with her when she decided to leave me.

_Pfft, _leave is an understatement, she fucking ran away...

"_Tell us more about the album" _

"_Well, the album's name is; Black Heart and has a playlist of fourteen songs…all written and composed by myself. The launch of the album is in three weeks where I'll sign CD's and meet some fans before the launch"_ she continued saying proudly. Still, I can see unhappiness in her eyes…it lingers there as if it's a part of her; as if she and the unhappiness is a package deal or something.

"_Will the songs have the same angsty-edge as the single 'Dark Angel'?"_ Emily asked.

"_There might be one happy song," _Izzy smiled sadly, "or two" she added with a wink.

"_Who is this man that broke your heart?"_

"_What? No one…There's no one" _she said but anyone can see that she's lying. I see the same reflection in my eyes every time I look into the mirror.

Fucking mirrors!

"What a crock of shit" my fiancé groaned. I rolled my eyes.

"Why?"

"Anyone can see that she's totally fucked. I mean, just look at her-"

"What's wrong with her?" I interrupted her and raked my fingers through my bedhead, already annoyed with where the conversation was headed.

She looked up at me with a frown on her beautiful face.

"She dresses like shit and her face is covered in black make-up" she rolled her eyes as if it was obvious and I'm an idiot for asking. "Plus, she acts like this fragile human being"

"There's nothing wrong with her clothes and as for the makeup, it's part of her theme!" I defended the girl's honor.

"Theme? What the hell is a theme?" She screeched.

"She's a Goth-kind-of-girl and the look and makeup represents her genre" I explained. "Plus, you shouldn't judge someone just because her clothes and makeup doesn't fall into your category of fashion" I added annoyed.

"It's all part of her act" she said, ignoring my last comment completely. She hates when I disagree with her about fashion.

Tanya owns her own boutique and is well-known for her designs all across the country. That's if you're not into emo or Goth or even Punk. Tanya states that she has no space in her boutique for rubbish. We agreed to disagree because I will fuck her up if she discriminates against our style. That's another argument that we have on a daily basis; the way I dress. After seven years, she still doesn't know to just shut the fuck up and leave me the hell alone.

"Act?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, when I remembered that we were still having a conversation.

"I bet it's her way of gaining more fans-"

"By acting heartbroken and fragile?" I interrupted her with a sarcastic chuckle.

"I bet she has your attention" she cocked an eyebrow at me and I burst out laughing. "Come on Edward, be honest" she continued.

"Sure she has my attention, Tan-"

"See" she pointed her finger at me, "I told you"

"But" I held up my index finger "it has nothing to do with her _fragile state_" I said, making quotation marks with my fingers. "And believe me, she had America's attention from the moment she opened her mouth because that girl has some fucking pipes" I grinned like an idiot.

"Really? So what about her had-"

"_Well, there you have it Goth-addicts, Izzy Stewart's first album hits the stores in two weeks and you will have the chance to meet her in three weeks at the launch of her album, 'Black Heart', which is happening in Seattle and then she'll head to LA - Hollywood for her very first concert. For more details you can get this week's issue of Rockers Weekly" _Emily's announcement interrupted Tanya and I sighed in relief. I was getting bored with her playing _Dr. Phil_ about Izzy's life.

"Great, now we've missed the rest of her interview" Tanya complained.

"You just criticized her anyways"

She scooted closer to me and crawled onto my lap. My arms snaked around her and when her lips came closer to mine, I kissed her like I was supposed to – hard and fast – the way she likes it.

I've met Tanya Denali seven years ago and I've asked her to marry me one year ago. We are getting married in three months and I am freaked out because after all these years, I'm still not ready to get married. Just the thought, freaks me out and have me dripping of sweat…

Guilt scratched my heart, as it always does when I think about marrying Tanya! I gave Bella up – the woman I loved with my entire being - because I was too proud to give in and marry her. Look at me now; engaged and on the verge of getting married...something I promised myself - and Bella - I would never do. All this with a woman I don't love completely…

I just know that there's no fucking way that I'm ending up alone again just because of a stupid ring that gives us a legal right to be together. That's why I decided to get married…

_Yeah, just because you're a scared little shit and freaked out to be dumped again, _the voice inside my head screamed at me.

The problem is that there's no real love from my side! It's that simple. Tanya has pledged her love for years now and I did the same but only because it was expected of me. I don't think I meant one single word of the 'I love yous' that was exchanged. I have only ever completely loved one woman and I don't believe that I'll ever love again, because a love like that only comes along once in your life, but I couldn't exactly sit back and wait for the love of my life to ever return to me, no, fuck that; I've waited three years. I'm done wasting my time and life on someone who clearly doesn't want me.

So, I've moved on…

At least the sex is amazing, but there's no tenderness or passion. It's just plain sex but that's what Tanya wants. She has polluted my mind in such a way that I don't even know if I'll ever be able to make love to someone again. It's always just rough, hard sex. One time, she mentioned the _sub/dom_ lifestyle but I told her that she can find someone else to dominate, because let's face it, I'm not to be dominated and neither is she. Plus, the idea of beating the shit out of someone to get pleasure is ridiculous to me.

Tanya is gorgeous and every man's dream with her strawberry blonde hair and clear blue eyes – not as beautiful and open as Izzy's – but still beautiful. I have turned numerous heads with her by my side and we've been rated as one of Hollywood's sexiest couples.

But none of that has ever mattered to me…I had a beautiful woman, whom – through my eyes – was sexy as hell. Not only her looks and body was gorgeous but her heart was pure and that made her perfect. Plus, the sex wasn't just amazing, it was downright fucking mind-blowing. She was everything to me…until that dreadful day – ten years ago – where she pushed me into ultimatums and demanded shit from me…shit I couldn't – at the time – give her.

Ten years ago, she walked out of my life as if I was nothing to her. As if our relationship meant nothing to her…I've known her since we were five years old and loved her since we were six, when I first kissed her on her knee after she fell down from the swing set. We have always been inseparable and I really, honestly thought that we would be together forever. Ha, just shows how much you know, really know, about someone.

Ever since she left me, I have become an ass. I'm a bitter, self-centered ass and I don't give a shit about anyone anymore. I said goodbye to the fun, loving Edward and welcomed the hateful bastard into my life. I'm not always this loving towards Tanya; she must think she's in the seventh heaven.

I grinned.

I've built a wall around my fucked-up heart and I'm guarding everything inside so that no one – not even Tanya – can ever screw with my feelings or my battered heart again. I'll be damned if a woman will ever be the cause of me being a drunk or addict again!

"Babe, I'm talking to you" I heard Tanya complain again. I snapped out of my _trip-down-memory-lane_ and looked into her eyes. I haven't even realized that she has stopped kissing me. _Must've been some kiss_, I thought to myself, I'm not even turned on.

"Huh?" I shook my head, rubbing her inner thigh to keep my head in this conversation.

"Where were you just now?" she grinned.

"Nowhere, why?" I answered quickly.

"Your eyes seemed different, I've never seen them so…so painful" she gasped, "if that's even the correct word."

"It's nothing" I said, looking away from her scanning eyes. Why am I opening myself up today? Why am I doing this to myself?

Tanya doesn't know about Bella. I've never told her because I know it would only cause shit and she would always ask questions and feel insecure; insecurities I did not have the energy for. My family never mentioned Bella's name because I begged them to drop it. I freaked out whenever her name was mentioned and – in the beginning – completely broke down. Bella's name has been a _no-no_ for nine years and we're so used to it now that it's as if she never existed.

_Maybe if you keep telling yourself that, your heart might start believing it,_ my head argued sarcastically.

I had a shitty life when she left but I got over it and moved on. Although I will never love again, I will live and that – for me – is more important than anything else at this moment.

My music career kept me going when she ran away, and today, we're one of the best bands on this planet. I've achieved my goal in my career and I reached the stars…and even beyond that. So, I can't seem to regret the one choice I've made ten years ago...

"You're doing it again" Tanya sighed. "You're far away. What's going on Edward?" she asked.

"Nothing, Tan" I smiled, still rubbing her thigh.

"How long are we staying in this shitty city?" she asked while pulling her face. I groaned, because I wasn't happy about being back in Seattle, either, but Seattle is not a shitty city! So many big bands started out here and made their dreams come true.

But Seattle is just a few hours away from our hometown, Forks. A few hours away from the memories of the best time in my life…my childhood filled with memories off Bella. We were so carefree back then and we knew exactly what we wanted; to start a band, get famous and be happy together!

At least, that's what I wanted! She had to fuck everything up with her marriage-demand...

"Four" I answered quickly before she freaked out again. I cupped her face between my hands and kissed her hard before I pulled away.

"Did you have to agree to this Fundraiser?" she pouted.

"I love charity and if I can help children with cancer – in any way – I will. Plus, we've been looking forward to this for years. It's an honor to play at the _Volturi's Fundraiser_" I answered and felt a little annoyed. Tanya hates charity and hates the fact that our band participates in charity. She's not a giver; she's more of a taker.

"If the concert is tomorrow, why do we have to stay four days?" she asked.

"Babe, I haven't seen Emmett in so long and we're going out tonight and then Sunday is the BBQ at his house"

"I don't think he likes me very much" she moaned. Fuck! Is it Tanya-moan-day or what? She's been complaining since we've climbed out of bed this morning. If it's not the hotel-bed, it's the food or the coffee or the service. She's annoying the shit out of me now.

"Why the hell would you think that?" I asked irritated, "And please don't mention your sister's name because Em won't hold her against you. He's not childish" I added quickly, rolling my eyes at her.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong, but you've been complaining since we woke up this morning and it's bugging the fuck out of me" I gently pushed her off my lap and stood up from the couch.

"I'm sorry," she screeched. "It's just, ever since Emmett and Irina split up…well, it's as if Emmett has distanced himself" she raised her shoulders with a sigh.

"Tan, Emmett has gone through hell after your sister cheated on him" I said, grabbing a fistful of my hair, "not to mention that it was a month before their wedding" I added.

"I understand, but-"

"I don't think you really understand. If Emmett is distant – which I don't see – then he has his reasons. Just…I dunno, just don't let it bother you. He'll come around"

"I guess you're right" she said.

"I'm going to get ready for tonight" I said and left the room without waiting for a response. I hate this side of Tanya; feeling sorry for herself to get attention. Doesn't suit her at all.

I'm bushed and would rather have slept in tonight but I've missed my brother and I'm looking forward to seeing him tonight.

Emmett is my older brother but also my best friend and rock. He has helped me through so much after Bella left me…fuck, he has basically saved me from almost becoming an alcoholic and drug addict. I'm pretty sure that, him spending so much time with me in my time of need, has caused the distance in his relationship with Irina.

Irina cheated on Emmett five years ago and it really broke him. I've never seen my brother like that. It's a miracle that he never failed one class. To be honest, his grades were the best…I think Irina's infidelity has motivated him. _That_ was only during the days. During the nights he was falling apart and this time, I had to step in and be his rock. It was hard because it brought back my hurting as well.

Emmett used to be in our band but left after he finished med-school and he is doing his residency right here in Seattle. Why he decided to leave the city of dreams is beyond me, but he moved back to Seattle a year ago. I think he just wanted to get away from all the memories and start fresh.

I stared into the mirror and frowned at the unfamiliar man staring back at me. So much hurt, excruciating pain in this man's eyes. I looked down and swallowed hard before I looked back into the mirror again.

"_**We hide from the mirrors**_

_**They might show our scars…"**_

I wish that mirrors never existed. They only reflect things you don't want to see, things you've been hiding for ten years. Mirrors reflect the real you; the you that's been hiding behind a mask in front of other people. Mirrors show the scars that she's left behind.

I clenched my jaw at the man staring back at me from the mirror. I swallowed hard, my Addams apple bobbing up and down.

I hate looking at myself. It's like looking at a dead man. Plus, it just reminds me of everything Bella did and it makes me think about everything.

I have tried everything to get her out of my mind and heart but to no prevail. It's hard, every day is a fucking challenge just to get through and the nights…oh fuck, those are the worst. I get three hours sleep max, before I startle awake from a dream I had off her, feeling the worst kind of pain and dripping of sweat.

It's always the same; _we're back in our meadow in Forks, dancing and laughing, making love; her body_ – etched into my memory – _is sprawled out in front of me like a canvas; my love and passion the oil paint and my hands the brushes. Her body writhes underneath me as I brush my hands - covered with love, tenderness and passion - across her entire body. Instead of her body making an incredible painting, it turns black; starting at her feet and crawl torturously slow up until the blackness reaches her neck. Just before her eyes disappears – eyes filled with hatred - I wake up, dripping of sweat_.

"Pull yourself together" I whispered, narrowing my eyes at the pussy in the mirror. I hate opening myself like this…it's like opening up an old wound; blood gushing out and draining the fuck out of me.

I watched the shadows return to my eyes, hiding the pain and the scars. My face turned hard again and my eyes darkened with bitterness and anger. I've trained to do this, I mean, I've been doing it for years.

"Good boy" I grinned like a fucking idiot, watching the hard features return to my reflection.

This is me; this is who I've become! Bitter, hateful and a fucking bastard!

"_**Like broken mirrors**_

_**Reflections of an unfamiliar face"**_

_**(Broken Mirrors – Rise Against)**_

…

So, what did you think? I know you're going to be pissed at Edward and I don't really blame you, but he has his reasons, so don't judge him just yet. You'll meet up with Bella in Chapter Three :) you'll also find out soon enough about Izzy ;)

I just want to say thank you to everyone reading this story and a very special thank you to those who took the time to review on the _Preface_ chapter. If I didn't get back to you in a PM, please let me know so I can rectify my mistake. I'm trying to answer all the reviews before posting the next chapter. Can I just say that I'm stoked at the response I received from posting the Preface…thanks a million guys? What an awesome 'Welcome Back'

To the Guest-reviewers: Thank you for reviewing and reading my story.

It also just shows how long it's been since I've been on Fanfiction. It's so awesome that they've changed the settings for the guest's reviewing; no more rude reviews to be posted on any of my stories as I have to give permission for them to be displayed. How fucking cool is that?

Okay, that's it. Please review, I love hearing from you guys...I love honesty so please be honest about this chaper!


	3. Chapter Two - Never expected this

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics in this Chapter: Survivor Guilt – Rise Against**

** Serenade – CrashCarBurn**

** Broken Skyline - CrashCarBurn**

**Before I published this story, I had six chapters written and unfortunately the first two chapters was in EPOV! But the next chapter is all Bella and it's quite a load that she's going to 'unload'!**

**Long chapter ahead…hope you enjoy and please remember to review!**

…**..**

_**Carry on, don't mind me**_

_**All I gave was everything**_

_**And yet you ask me for more**_

_**Fought your fight**_

_**Bought your lie**_

_**And in return I lost my life**_

_**What purpose does this serve?**_

_**(Survivor Guilt – Rise Against)**_

Chapter Two – Never expected this

_EPOV_

"Hey, Edward!" a familiar voice yelled. I looked around, searching for the familiar screeching voice that belonged to my sister. I grinned when I spotted her at the entrance of _Twilight_. She waved like a crazy person, jumping up and down on her short legs and I couldn't help but chuckle.

_Twilight_ is a local punk club in Seattle and from the reviews I've read, it's pretty sick – in a good way. They have the sickest live performances from local bands and by that I mean that things get pretty rough in there. This would be our first time coming here and from the reviews I've read, I'm pretty excited about tonight. Emmett wanted to try this place out since he has heard so much about it and I found them online and read through the reviews.

"Alice" I nodded my head when I reached her. She gave me an awkward hug while Tanya was clinging on my hand. I sighed. She acts like a fucking ten year old facing the big city for the first time.

Mine and Alice's relationship has been shitty for a while, but I take full responsibility for that. That is all on me, because I pushed her away after Bella left. I treated her like shit and took every fucking hateful emotion I had out on her.

Alice is my twin – used to be my everything, apart from Bella. She's short, has crazy fucking black hair and blue eyes. She's sweet, funny and a total fashion, control-freak. Plus, she's married to my best friend, Jasper Whitlock.

"Where's Jazz and Em?" I asked. She looked sad for a moment but hid her emotions quickly…I miss her terribly, but I don't know how to fix our relationship. It's been years…

"Inside" she whispered, "we just arrived. I waited for you guys while they got us a table" she said. She didn't wait for a reply as she turned around and entered the club.

"Are you sure we're at the right place?" Tanya whispered into my ear. I frowned back at her and pulled her to a stop.

"Please don't start your shit tonight" I hissed. Tanya is used to five-star places and to be honest, _Twilight _is no five-star club. She's about to come down to earth a little and she's gonna come down hard.

She looked completely surprised and baffled. "What?"

"Don't act so innocent, Tan; I want to enjoy myself tonight. You're a grown-ass woman" I wiped my hand down my face "start acting like one."

I left her there in the middle of the club and followed Alice. I know I was being a bastard but I didn't give a shit.

"Ed" my brother's voice boomed loudly above the electric guitar riffs. I smiled as soon as I saw his tall posture standing out. I grabbed him and we hugged each other. I miss him so much and it's crap not seeing so much.

"You're looking good" I said, squeezing his muscles. He smiled widely, showing off his deep dimples. My eyes caught Alice's facial expression and my heart ached when I saw the hurt across her face. How could I have pushed her away? She could have helped me in so many ways…

"Thanks bro" he said and slapped me on my shoulder. "Where's Tanya?" he asked. I rolled my eyes but turned around to search for her.

"There she is" I pointed in her direction when I spotted her exactly where I left her. I frowned. She can stand there the remainder of the night for all I care, I'm not going to let her ruin this night. She acts like a little girl whenever we're in public…

"I see you're still a fucking prick" Em boomed and I shrugged. "What's up with the two of you?" he asked.

"Same old" I answered. "Jazz," I nodded in hello to my friend.

"Long time no see" he chuckled in sarcasm. I grinned back at him.

"Hey Tanya" Emmett suddenly said and gave her an awkward hug.

She gave me a furious look before she joined Alice at the table. This was also funny as hell because Tanya and Alice don't get along that well. I think it's because of their fashion-differences; they always have arguments about it, to the point where Jazz and I want to run away.

I opened myself up a lot today and it took me a while to get myself together and get a grip on my emotions. It's too bad that Tanya is the closest person to me at this moment and that I'm taking it out on her.

"So," I grinned while punching my brother, "why are you grinning like an idiot and what the fuck is with the sparkle in your pretty little blue eyes?" He chuckled but didn't answer.

"Let's grab a beer" he suggested to me and Jasper, nodding his head towards the bar.

"Oh, hell yeah" Jazz pulled a face as if he was in pain, "I'm dying of thirst here"

"Jazz, you were born thirsty" Emmett chuckled. It's really good seeing my brother so joyful.

We made our way through the jumping crowd, towards the bar.

"Who told you about this place?" I asked Emmett.

"Someone I met a few days ago - she works here" He grinned again. I stared at him in surprise but then it struck me like a bolt of lightning. I smiled widely and slapped him on the back.

"Who is she? Your new girlfriend." I asked. His head snapped up and he came to a halt in the middle of the club. Something weird came into his eyes, something I never saw before. He looked extremely happy for a moment and then extremely sad at the same time.

"She wants nothing to do with me, _that's_ who she is" he simply answered and pushed past the people jumping to the music. I was baffled and it took me a few seconds to run after him and grab him by his wrist.

"Em" I said and pulled him back, "what the fuck is up with you?" I asked in concern.

"I met this girl that came for a check-up at the hospital – not my patient, just to be clear. We ran into each other, literally, and I asked her out" he clasped his hands over his face and sighed loudly. "There was just something there, you know? We went out a couple of times and then we started talking about our families-"

"You don't like her family?" I interrupted him.

"No" he pinched the bridge of his nose and then looked directly into my eyes, "exactly the other way around"

I stared at him in shock, waiting for him to laugh and tell me it's a joke. But he was very serious…

"What? You're kidding me, right?"

"Nope" he popped the 'p'. "As soon as she learned I was in _your_ band and learned that I was part of _the Cullen's_ she ran off, telling me that she never wanted to see me again" he sounded just as baffled as he looked.

"So what, our name is the problem? What the fuck is her problem?" I asked annoyed.

"I don't think it has anything to do with our name, she knew my surname when we met. It's _your_ name and the band's name that freaked her out" he said.

"That's a little weird"

"Tell me about it. She wouldn't clarify, though" he said.

"Hey, what's going on?" Jazz asked! "I almost made it to the front of the bar when I noticed you weren't there - felt like a fucking idiot when I started to look around for the two of you" he pulled his face.

"Sorry dude, we're talking about Em's new girlfriend-"

"She's not my girlfriend" Em interrupted me.

"Ex, then" I shrugged.

"Whoa, you had a girlfriend?" Jazz asked surprised.

"Don't act so surprised, for fuck sakes" Em groaned, running his hand down his face.

"Hey, it's been years! So forgive me for being a little surprised" Jazz said.

"Okay, okay, let's get a beer and then we'll talk about it at the table because we're looking like dicks discussing this in the middle of the club - shouting at each, if I might add" I suggested.

The bar was busy and I waited to be helped while Emmett and Jasper continued talking. When I eventually got to the front of the bar, I noticed the brunette working behind it. She was standing with her back towards me; and that's exactly what I noticed, her sexy as hell ass. My eyes scanned her endlessly long legs showing off underneath her ridiculously short black dress.

I turned to Jazz and Em and nudged them with my elbow, rolling my head to the girl's side. As soon as Emmett's eyes looked past me at the bar lady, his face turned pale while Jazz's face filled with shock…that's when I turned my head back to her, thinking that their facial expressions could either mean she's sexy as fuck or it could mean that her ass is the only sexy thing on body.

So many emotions must have crossed my face and filled my eyes as everything felt like a rollercoaster ride inside of my heart. For a moment, my heart stopped beating and pounded hard in my throat, which made it merely impossible to swallow or even breathe. My chest constricted painfully as I stared back at the woman who broke my heart completely.

Her face was paler than usual, her eyes widened in shock. She stared at me in complete and utter shock but then something changed…her eyes filled with fear and her hand – that was holding a beer – started shaking uncontrollably.

"Edward" she whispered and my stomach turned at the sound of her voice. The way my name rolled off of her tongue did weird things to my heart, even though her voice trembled with fear.

I didn't know what I was feeling; so many things, so many emotions danced around inside of me…I was – for a moment – so damn happy to see her after ten years. She hasn't changed one bit and she's still sexy as fuck. And for a moment, my heart felt whole, complete…and it felt so damn good, breathing without it being so painful!

Then I remembered everything that happened and why we're staring at each other in complete shock. Then the bastard in me pushed the happiness aside and made its appearance, filling my heart with all the hate and anger I've carried for ten years. My lungs drained of oxygen and I felt suffocated.

I clenched my jaw as I raked my fingers through my hair.

"Well, well, well" I clenched my jaw. "If it isn't the runaway girlfriend in the fucking flesh" I spat sarcastically. Her eyes widened even more but then her tiny jaw clenched and I saw fury building up in her eyes.

"If I remember correctly, you had a choice" she hissed.

"See, I remember it differently" I spat.

"Bella," Emmett gasped and I couldn't help but look at my brother; at first I was pissed for him interrupting me but then I saw his eyes and it almost killed me.

Emmett loved Bella like a sister and it broke his heart when she just left! Everyone was affected when she ran away because everyone loved her. Alice's wedding was one month after Bella decided that she's not happy anymore! Bella was supposed to be the maid of honor and she just left Alice without a word or even a phonecall! It destroyed Alice...and I wasn't even there for her, because I was drowning myself in alcohol to try and drink the pain away.

"It's good to see you" he continued, his voice thick with emotion. She looked at him for the first time. A great hurtful expression sprawled across her face and I felt something weird tugging on my heartstrings; sympathy maybe…I dunno. My feelings are so unfamiliar to myself because I've only felt bitterness, hatred and coldness for so long. Everything else is new to me now.

"Em" she gasped and clasped her hands over her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. This pissed me off because if they ever meant anything to her, she would've at least said goodbye to them! I shook my head and chuckled sarcastically.

"_Pfft_, please, you can stop pretending that you care" I spat. Her brown eyes widened and pools of unshed tears filled them. I clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes.

"I'm sorry" her lips quivered, "I can't do this. I have to go" she continued. She opened three beers and placed it on the counter top before she turned around to leave.

"Aren't you going after her?" Jazz asked as I stared at Bella's back. I frowned and looked at him as if he has lost his mind, although my heart cried out for me to go after her.

"You're joking, right?" I asked.

"No, I'm not. You've been through hell because of her-"

"All the more reason to let her go" I interrupted. "Before she fucks my life up again" I added.

"Dude, don't be stupid" Emmett said and grabbed my shoulders. "You've wanted this opportunity since she walked away"

"Em" I swallowed hard. I felt my insides shiver as the thought of talking to her, crossed my mind. "I can't" I whispered and looked away from him. If there's someone who can see straight through my bitter-façade, it's Emmett. I can't hide anything from him…

"Don't be a dick" he grabbed a fistful of my hair, "go after her and talk to her" he said through his teeth.

"I…I can't" I hissed in anger.

"Why?" he sounded confused.

"I don't need a reason, but how about the fact that she nearly destroyed my fucking life?" I grabbed the beer and took a long swig, "that should be a good enough reason"

"Fuck that" he pushed me away, "I'm sorry to say this but a very big part of Bella leaving, was your own damn fault" he continued! I was about to open my mouth but he closed it with his palm "you're my brother and I love you to death, but you'll never truly go on with your life, unless you get the answers you've always wanted, like why she didn't wait for you that day?" he sounded angry. I knew he was right but my feet felt heavy, as if it was plastered into cement.

I started thinking about what Emmett said and my mind went back to ten years ago when she made her ultimatums. Everything in our relationship was fine; she just woke up one morning and decided that she has had enough and gave me ultimatums - I know that the choices I've made has left me broken, but if only she waited...

I remember that day clearly; after I did the sound-check with Jazz, I went to a jewelry store to get her the engagement ring she demanded because after reality sunk in on what happened in that hotel room, I knew that there was no way in hell that I could live without Bella. She was my life and just the thought of her walking out of my life, almost killed me right there. I wanted to be with Bella forever. Nothing was going to change that and if she wanted to get married to stay with me, then so be it.

Why I never realized this in that hotel will forever haunt me.

So, after I bought an engagement ring, I went back to our hotel room…only to find a stupid note she wrote.

_I can't come second in your life anymore, Edward. I deserve better than that. I wish you luck with your band._

I remember the words as if they were scrawled upon my memory. She signed the note with _'I will love you always and forever – that will never change'_

The fact that she just left after I begged her to stay so we could talk, has always bothered me! Leaving me with sleepless nights, sweating while I see her face in every dream or memory I have!

I know it was my own fault because of my stubbornness but I still felt pissed because even though we had some misunderstandings before I left for the sound-check, we have been together forever and I couldn't believe that she just threw it away. I begged her to wait for me and I honestly thought that she would wait…

That did it; the memory of her note and everything that happened made me go after her. It took me about two more seconds to get a grip on my emotions before I turned around and started running towards to exit of the club. I don't even know if she left already…

I pushed through the doors and started looking around, my eyes scanning the sidewalk ferociously for Bella.

She was nowhere to be seen. I felt disappointed but also relieved because the mere thought off talking to her, almost gave me a panic attack. I bit down on my bottom lip and grabbed two fistfuls of my hair, groaning softly. I tried to compose myself so my erratic heart can calm the fuck down, but to no prevail! And I couldn't even blame my traitorous heart because I can't even begin to describe how it felt to see her.

Fuck me; it was both amazing and heartbreaking at the same time to see her after ten years. For so long, I almost believed that she was just a dream; a vision I had inside of me - an imaginary girlfriend. Everything we had together, felt so unreal and if it weren't for the excruciating pain between my lungs, I would have believed that she were just a vision. A fantasy of mine from ten years ago.

I loosened my hands around my hair and cringed a little as pain shot through my head from pulling on my hair to tightly. I guess I should get back inside...

I inhaled deeply and turned around, bumping straight into Bella. She fell back and I reach forward to grab her wrist to keep her from falling. I gasped and felt my heart beating erratically in my throat when jolts of electricity shocked the hell out of me, running through my veins and electrocuted the hell out of my heart. Her touch still has the power to scorch my skin…

She pulled her arm out of my grasp and hugged her torso with both her arms, looking everywhere except at me.

I can't put my finger on it, but there's something up with her…she's way too jittery and the fear in her eyes is just wrong.

"_**Your lips are shaking**_

_**And your eyes, they are afraid to meet mine"**_

"Bella-"

"I have to go, I'm sorry" she interrupted me but I grabbed her wrist and clenched my jaw at the currents flowing off of her unto me.

"I want to talk to you" I hissed.

"I can't, please" she shook her head sideways and looked to the ground; "I thought I wasn't going to ever see you again" she sounded afraid.

"What the fuck have I done for you to change overnight and leave me?" I yelled, fury building from the pit of my stomach and raging through my insides straight to my heart. My breathing was hard and erratic as some of the emotions I've held in for so long, came lashing out. I guess that question has bothered me for ten years.

"After ten years, and you want to know this _now_?" she shook her head. "You didn't do anything…that's just it" she whispered. "Besides, by the headlines of your life; getting _married_ and all, I did the right thing. I never was the right woman for you" she emphasized married. My heart stopped completely when I saw the hurt in her eyes.

"Bella-"

"I have to go" she said again and sounded desperate.

"Why are you so afraid?" I asked. Her face paled and her eyes widened before she looked away from me.

"I'm not afraid" her voice disappeared at the last word.

"You always were a terrible liar" I lashed out, "you forget that I've known you since we were five-"

"Yeah," she slowly raised her head, "but you also forget that you haven't seen me in ten years and that people change" she spat.

"That may be" I grinned, "but you're still a terrible liar"

"I'm so glad that you find this amusing" she sighed as if I bored her.

"You're right, I'm sorry" I pinched the bridge of my nose, "I'm just confused why there is so much fear in your eyes when you are around me? What the fuck have I done to you?" I yelled.

She held the palms of her hands up towards me, "I don't have to answer that. I don't owe you anything"

"No, that's where you are wrong" I interrupted her, "you threw our love away because I wouldn't marry you-"

"Love?" she snorted, "You don't know what the fucking word means" she lashed out.

"I…I lo-"

"Don't even finish that sentence" she interrupted me, "I don't want to be here with you and I don't want to see you"

I shrugged.

"I'll never understand what happened"

"And _that's_ why you lost me" she explained, "Look, I'm really happy your band is such a huge success and I'm happy that you found real love and dropped your stupid fucking rule about not ever getting married" she pulled her face, "but I have to go. It's been ten years; maybe you should forget about me and go on with your life, besides, that's what you wanted anyways"

I looked at her, really looked at her and my fingers loosened around her wrist. Her hand went around her own wrist, rubbing gently. I swallowed hard whilst looking at this unfamiliar, yet familiar, woman. So much pain and secrecy hides in her gorgeous brown pools. It hurts just to look at her. The pain and suffering that's radiating off of her, is shooting me straight in the center of my heart and I can't help but feel my own sorrows and pain. It's honestly killing me.

I clenched my jaw and tucked my hands in my coat. I never should've followed her out here. It is so clear that she still wants nothing to do with me and that I should just leave her alone. I did it ten years ago and I should do it now…

"I'm sorry I bothered you" I said proudly and pushed past her.

"Edward" she whispered and I froze in my steps without turning around.

"What?" I spat, closing my eyes as the wound inside my chest just opened up again.

"How long will you be in Seattle?" she asked.

"I'm flying back on Monday morning, why?"

"Can we get together Sunday? I'll be over the shock off seeing you and there's something I need to discuss with you" she whispered and again, I noticed the fear in her voice. What puzzled me was that a moment ago, she wanted nothing to do with me, but now she wants to see me? I turned around to face her and my heart almost crumbled at the sight of her excruciating face.

"Where and what time?" I sighed.

She named a place and gave me a time before she ran off.

As I walked back to the entrance of the club, I wondered what it was that she wanted to discuss. This is going to freak me out…how will I get through the weekend with this weighing on my heart?

_**So say goodnight**_

_**This broken skylight**_

_**Is not enough to make me cry**_

_**The sun will fade like empty promises your heart made,**_

_**Promises you could never keep**_

_**But I will be OK**_

_**It's not that deep**_

_**(Broken Skyline – CrashCarBurn)**_

…...

Next up…Bella's POV - I think some of you have been waiting for this.

Just a few things: Everyone thinks Edward is spineless and a bastard…so, I kind of agree. I just hope that I can make all of you fall in love with him again and that you won't think he's a bastard as you follow my story. I feel like I've let Edward down now…LOL!

I've also created a twitter account for my fanfiction-side: juliet2219 – follow me if you want. You can ask me questions about the story or whatever you want to know plus, I'll be posting pics about this story on my new blog .com but I'll tell you beforehand when I post something on my blog. Maybe I'll start posting teasers to next chapters…I don't know. I've never done that before, but then again, I didn't have a fanfic twitter account and a blog…

Thanks for all the support.


	4. Chapter Three - What have I done?

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics belong to: Amy Says – Flyleaf**

** Bring me back – Crashcarburn**

** Imperfection - Skillet**

** Red Sam – Flyleaf**

** Broken – 12 Stones**

_**I cannot get to sleep, this room it spins with the walls on fire **_

_**I'm burning up with secrets but I can't get them out, so the flames grow higher**_

_**This fear is my new best friend **_

**(Bring me Back – CrashCarBurn)**

Chapter Three – What have I done?

**BPOV**

"Bells, is that you?" Rose, my roommate, yelled when I slammed the front door shut. I rolled my eyes. _Who else would it be?_ I thought to myself.

I met Rose ten years ago when I first moved back to Forks! She worked at the diner before I started working there as well. We clicked instantly and became best friends.

"Yah" I yelled back, throwing my keys on the table in the hallway. I leaned on the table for a moment, sighing loudly, desperately trying to get a hold on my emotions before I go into the kitchen where I know Rose is waiting for some answers.

Seeing Edward tonight was more than excruciating. When I walked away from him ten years ago, I never expected to see him again. Ever! I promised myself that I will never go back to him and I tried to bury him and the love I had for him. Even though it was impossible, I tried my damn hardest. And there was a time that I thought I've succeeded…until tonight, when I saw him again. My heart hasn't beat that fast in ten years…

"Hey," I said, my voice sounded raw and I quickly cleared my throat. Her head shot up and looked straight into my eyes as if she knew I was trying to hide my real feelings. Her eyes were filled with worry, and tears immediately sprung to my eyes. I have caused numerous sleepless nights to this friend and now I've caused her worry all over again.

"Oh, sweetie" she pouted, rushing to my side and pulled me into her arms. The sob that I've kept in since I saw him, came out loudly and my arms wrapped around my best friend, clinging for dear life. I clenched her shirt before my knees buckled and gave in. We fell to the floor but Rose never let go, she rocked me gently, rubbing my back soothingly and whispered soothing words into my ear.

"I…I…can't b-b-believe-"

"Shh, don't think about it now" she cooed.

I tried everything to get his images out of my head but to no prevail. I kept seeing his cold eyes and how much hatred reflected in them.

"I know you are hurting, Bells" she whispered softly, "but, I'm pretty sure that you don't want Tris or Abs to see you like this"

I blew out a long breath, raising my head slowly. She smiled reassuringly at me.

"You're right" I smiled weakly.

She helped me up and wiped the black tear stains from my cheeks.

"Let's get some alcohol into that depressing system of yours" she suggested.

"I want to say goodnight to my babies before we poison my system" I smiled sadly.

"Abbey was crying when I got here" she said quickly.

"Why?" I asked anxiously.

Rose raised her shoulders, "Don't know, she wouldn't tell me" she answered.

I frowned. That's weird. Abbey adores Rosalie and usually tells her everything. "I'll go check on her" I said before I left the kitchen.

I went to my room where I found my daughter on my bed, curled into a fetus position. When I walked through the door, she immediately lifted her head and I could see the trails of tears on her rosy cheeks. My heart constricted when I saw the sadness in her brown eyes.

"Hey baby" I whispered as I took a seat on the edge of the bed. She sniffled a little before she crawled onto my lap, almost choking me with her arms from holding on too tightly. My arms went around my daughter and I hugged her tightly.

"What happened baby?" I asked.

"Alec said that I'm a freak" my daughter cried into my chest. Alec is supposed to be Abbey's best friend, but he is constantly teasing her and calling her bad names. As much as I'd like to slap him around a little, I have to remember that he is just a little boy and that I have to be a grown-up about this – could've been so much easier if I could have been a five year old, though! He just makes me so mad…

"Why did he call you a freak?" I asked carefully, rubbing her back soothingly.

"I'm a freak because I don't have a daddy" she rumbled the words out through sobs. My eyes narrowed and my blood boiled from fury. I'm so relieved that she's hiding her face in my chest and can't see my face…

That little shit! He does not know what the fuck he's talking about and what he has done now. Kids can be so mean and they can permanently scar their friends without even knowing it.

I have managed to keep the daddy-conversation away from Abbey for five years now. I really wished that I could have stretched it out some more because this is a conversation that I don't want to have…ever. As far as I'm concerned, her father is dead.

"Mommy" my daughter's voice trembled and was filled with uncertainty. I pushed the anger aside before I loosened my arms around her and gently lifted her head with my hands.

"Abs, you're not a freak" I smiled, kissing the top of her head.

"Why don't I have a daddy then?" she asked the question I've feared for five years. I hate the fact that I'm going to lie to her now, but I don't have a choice. Besides, I would rather die a thousand deaths, than to tell her about her father.

"He…urm…he had an accident before you were born, baby" I said, watching her carefully. Like I said, there's no way in hell that I will ever let him near my daughter and therefore it's so much easier to just tell her that he died as to make up some story about his whereabouts.

Abbey is the spitting image of myself – thank goodness – except for her long, silky black hair and slightly russet skin-tone.

"So, is he in heaven?" she asked so innocently, biting on her bottom lip – something she inherited from me. Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision of my daughter, as her big brown eyes filled with tears over a man she never even knew.

"Yes, baby" I closed my eyes at the lie I've told, because I don't believe for one second that that piece of shit will ever make it to the gates of heaven. I actually believe that he deserves to fry in the blazing pits of hell someday.

Abbey raised her hands and cupped my face, smiling widely.

"Please don't cry Mommy," she gave me a wet kiss, "we'll see him again one day" she smiled widely. "You're the bestest mommy in the world," she pouted. I chuckled at 'bestest' and pulled her into a hug again, feeling so proud to have such an amazing daughter.

_**"I see you laughing at the rain that hits your face  
With your arms stretched open soaking in the love  
In a world I find so hard you find so beautiful  
There's a hope in you deep inside for me."**_

For a moment, I felt like such a fucking bad person for lying to her about her father but then I remembered what that man did to me and I kicked the guilt to the curb. I don't have anything to feel guilty about because Abbey will never know about him and how she was conceived. I'll tell this lie until the day I die.

"I love you so much baby" I whispered against her black curls, inhaling the sweet strawberry scent of her shampoo – the same as mine.

"Love you too, Mommy" she whispered, yawning loudly. I smiled down at her beautiful face and wrapped my arms tightly around her as the rush of memories flooded my brain.

_I met Sam Uley seven years ago while I was working at a diner. He was a tall, dark man with dark– almost black - eyes and black hair. He was so charming and funny that I trusted him instantly. He offered me a position as his personal assistant and, of course, I jumped at the opportunity. The pay was extremely generous and for once – since my son was born – I could maybe give him a better life. Plus, I really wanted to get my degree in English Lit. and become a book-editor._

_I worked for Sam for about a year – constantly refusing to go on dates with him. I tried to let him down gently but he refused to accept that I didn't feel the same way._

I felt my daughter's body relax in my arms and I knew she was asleep. I planted a kiss on her head and put her in my bed. She curled up and placed her hands underneath her head. I glance over at Abbey, curled up on my bed sleeping blissfully, before I turn to leave my room.

As I made my way to my son's room, I thought about this entire situation with Edward Cullen. I don't know how I'm going to tell him about Tristan. I'm scared shitless about his reaction and I'm scared out of my mind that he'll try to take Tristan away from me.

My decision to leave Edward has caused me so much pain and I remember how I cried for weeks on end. It felt as if my life was about to end and my will to live was nowhere to be found. Until six weeks later; I sat on the toilet in Charlie's house with a stick in my hand, nervously waiting for the results. I remember crying from both, happiness and sadness, at the same time.

Sadness because I've never been more regretful for walking away from Edward. Suddenly, I needed him; I needed his reassurance that everything was going to be fine and that he loved me. I cried because I knew he couldn't give me his love or reassurance because he didn't even know what the hell he wanted in life and because his band was far more important to him than me or our love.

I cried from joy because I was going to have something of Edward. I was given back my will to live because now I had a reason to get up in the mornings and maybe eat something. I had a reason not to cry so much anymore. I had a reason to actually smile…

My heart screamed for me to go back to Edward but my head simply said '_no'_. He didn't want me and he said that he wasn't sure if he even wanted children. This made my decision to not tell him about the pregnancy so much easier. I refused to be second best and I refused to be in someone's life just because I'm pregnant. Plus, I did not want my child to grow up with flashing camera lights thrown in his face everywhere we went or to be on every magazine cover on a weekly basis. That's not a life I wanted for me or my baby.

I knocked on his door before I entered. He looked up from his bed where he was sitting and smiled crookedly when our eyes met. My heart constricted; he is the spitting image of his father and now that I've seen Edward again, it's even clearer. He has the same shades – just a tad darker - of bronze tousled hair, those deep emerald green eyes that have the power to look straight through you, the strong jawline and even the crooked smile I used to love so much. There is so much of Edward in Tristan and it's been hard because there were times that I've missed Edward so much and seeing Tristan brought so many memories back.

"Have you been crying?" he asked with a frown plastered on his beautiful face. I swallowed. Tristan knows me so well and it's getting harder with him getting older. Plus, Tristan worries so easily and I've never been able to hide anything from him as he always picks up on my every emotion.

"Oh, it's nothing" I shrugged. He frowned, concern clearly etched on his face.

"Why are you home so early?" he asked suspiciously, trying to figure out what's going on with me. I took a seat on his bed and took his hand in mine.

"I wasn't feeling good so, Quil send me home" I lied. Again with the lies, it's starting to become a bad habit.

Quil is my manager and also a good friend. Rose and I started working at _Twilight _about four years ago. Usually we work different shifts so one of us will always be at home with my children, but tonight was a busy night at _Twilight _and Quil had to ask the both of us to work. I don't know what he's going to do over the fact that not only have I left without a word, but that Rose followed me home.

Tristan's voice halted my thoughts which were rapidly getting out of control – one moment everything is about Edward, then it's about Sam and then I'm worried about my job.

Concern is etched on his face and I tried to smile reassuringly.

"How was school?" I asked, changing the subject while raking my fingers through his tousled hair. It's one of my favorite things to do with my son.

"Cool, Embry asked if I can have a sleepover some time" he sounded hopeful.

"I'll give his mom a call and we'll see from there" I smiled, happy that I've managed to take his focus off of me and why I seem so sad.

He jumped off the bed and almost bumped me over. I laughed as he jumped up and down in front of me, "Really? Can I really go?"

"Hold up there big guy" I tried to still him with my hands, "I said I'll give his mom a call before I decide, okay baby"

"Aah, mom" he scrunched up his face, clasping his hands over his face.

"What?"

"Please don't call me _'baby'_" he groaned. My mouth fell open and my eyes widened, "I'm not a baby anymore" he added, climbing back onto his bed.

"I'm sorry" I gasped, "what would you prefer to be called then?"

"Tris will be just fine" he grinned.

"Fine" I groaned, "but you'll always be my '_baby_" I emphasized the word.

He rolled his eyes but I noticed the smile that formed on his lips.

"As long as you call me _'baby'_" he rolled his green eyes and scrunched up his nose before he added "in the privacy of my room when no one is around" he pointed his finger at me.

"Pfft, boy" I shrugged, "don't push your luck"

I helped him get under his sheets, which struck me as odd, because I'm not allowed to call him '_baby'_ but I'm still allowed to tuck him in. I'll rather keep that to myself because I love to tuck him in and since he started complaining about the baby-calling, he'll soon start to complain about getting tucked in.

"Hey, mom" he said slowly, yet carefully, looking down while playing with his quilt.

"Mmm?" I answered, watching my son carefully.

"I overheard you talking to Abs" his voice disappeared.

I gasped, knowing where this conversation was headed.

"Is Abbey's dad really dead?" he asked with a guilty look on his face.

"Yes baby" I lied once again. "Why do you ask?"

"Why couldn't you have told me that my dad was dead, too? Why did you lie and told me that he lived far away, giving me hope in seeing him someday?" he asked, his chin wobbling as he did.

"Baby, no" I hauled him out from under his sheets and held him tightly to my chest. "I told you the truth, Tris, your dad do live far away" my voice felt thick with emotion as I felt his little body shake.

"So why hasn't he ever come to see me?" his voice trembled.

"It's complicated Tristan." I swallowed hard before I cupped his wet cheeks between my hands. "He doesn't know about you." I decided to tell him the truth – or just a part of the truth.

"Why not?"

I sighed. "Because I never told him I was having a baby after I moved to Grandpa Charlie-"

He pushed out of my arms and I moved to touch his face again, but he shifted away from my hand. Guilt consumed me, I have lied to him by omission and now he has to make sense of a situation that he was simply not equipped to understand. I should have been honest with him from the very start…

Desperately trying to keep my emotions in check, my voice was thick when I spoke. "Tris, I made a lot of decisions in the past that I regret now, but I thought I was doing the right thing. It's very difficult to explain it to you, but you have to understand I didn't do it to hurt you."

He slipped from my lap and crawled back under his sheets without looking at me.

"I want to go to sleep now," he said sadly, rolling on to his side. My heart constricted in pain as I glance over my son's curled up body.

"Tristan," I swallowed, "please talk to me" I held back the tears that was about to escape my eyes.

"Mom, please" his voice trembled, and I could tell that he had a hard time speaking. "Give me a few minutes"

I sighed.

"Okay" I agreed with a heavy heart. I don't like the fact that my son refused to talk to me at that moment but I also knew that I had to give him some time. I have only myself to blame for this entire situation because the more I think about it, the guiltier I feel for keeping Edward and his son away from each other. Not so much for Edward's sake but for my son's sake. He deserved to have his father in his life…

"_**You mean so much  
that heaven would touch  
the face of humankind for you  
how special you are  
Revel in your day  
you're fearfully and wonderfully made"**_

"Love you, Tris" I whispered hurtfully as I kissed the top of his head gently, inhaling his distinctive scent.

"Love you too, Mom" he said. He sounded extremely sad and I couldn't keep the tears at bay any longer. I slipped off his bed and nearly ran out of his room and barely made it to the living room before I broke down.

Rose was at my side instantly as my body convulsed from the force of my sobs, and eventually they became so loud that I had to clamp my arm across my mouth in an effort to stifle them, so my sobs wouldn't wake my children. So many emotions were coursing through me: sadness that I made my son think his father was dead this entire time, guilt that I've ignored the honest _daddy-conversation_ because of my own fears and pain and regret that I've kept him away from his father. I've been selfish and cruel and I don't even know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself.

"What happened in there?" Rose asked softly.

I explained to her about my conversation with Abbey and sobbed again. Love filled my friend's eyes before she wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"Bells" she whispered. "It's not like you have a choice here. I mean, I don't think that Abbey deserves to know a bastard like that. Besides, how do you tell your child that she was conceived after her father drugged you, beat the shit out of you and then took _advantage_ of you?" she hissed. I could tell that she had a hard time using the word, '_advantage_', because that's a fucking understatement as to what he really did.

My mind goes on a journey of its own, and I find myself swamped by memories I have long suppressed.

_After the hundredth time that Sam asked me out, I agreed! We had dinner at his house but I never even made it to the dinner-part because I felt weird after my first glass of wine. I remember asking him for a glass of water and after the glass of water, everything went black and until today I can't remember what happened! Sometimes, I would get flashes of things that happened but can't put everything together!_

I swallowed hard because one of the vivid memories was of his breath and sweat and how it burned my nostrils. I shivered, hugging my torso with my arms.

_I woke up in Sam's bed the next morning but immediately knew something was wrong. I felt like shit; my head felt heavy as if I had a lot to drink, my mouth tasted like shit and everything about the previous night was a blur. I also felt confused and uncoordinated. Plus, the fact that I had bruises all over my body wasn't helping me get rid of any suspicions. _

_Sam started telling me about our wonderful night together and that he was so thrilled to learn that we shared the same sex-fantasies. Apparently I told him that I liked to be dominated...and coincidently he was into that lifestyle. By the looks of my body, I would say that he was a sick fuck. I remember that I acted like everything was fine, but as soon as I left his house, I went to the hospital_.

_After I explained to the doctor how I felt and what happened he looked alarmed. Tests were done and they confirmed that I was drugged with Rohypnol also referred to as 'roofies'. The doctor also confirmed that I had sexual intercourse in the last 24 hours. I can't even begin to describe how I felt; I was raped – because there was no way in hell that I would have had sex with him willingly, not even if he drugged me - and I can't remember a damn thing that that fucker did to me. I remember just walking out of the hospital, not listening to a word the doctor yelled. I never thought about the possibility of being pregnant…_

"_**Here I stand  
Empty hands  
wishing my wrists were bleeding  
to stop the pain from the beatings"**_

Maybe it was a blessing that I can't remember, but sometimes it haunts the shit out of me!

_Six weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant after I puked my brains out one morning. This time – unlike the time I found out I was pregnant with Tristan - the news devastated me and I cried for days. This time my pregnancy didn't save me, it fucked me up even more. I had a life growing inside of me; a life created in the most brutal way, a life that has half that monsters blood. A life I didn't want - at the time._

_For a moment, I considered an abortion. But, just the thought made me nauseous, because I'm no murderer. So, after some heavy thinking, I decided to give it up for an adoption because – at that moment – I wanted nothing to do with the baby inside my belly._

Tears sprung to my eyes just thinking about how I hated carrying my daughter inside of me for the first few weeks. I'll always feel like a failure because I didn't want her in the beginning. I quickly wiped the rolling tears from my cheeks.

_I was about sixteen weeks pregnant with Abbey when she kicked for the first time. Tristan was lying next to me as I was reading him a story. The next moment she kicked and Tristan's head shot up, asking me what that was. The feelings that went through me were indescribable. My heart filled with so much love for my daughter that I started crying uncontrollably and told Tristan that it was his baby brother or –sister growing inside me. Tristan was four at the time and couldn't understand how a person can grow inside my stomach and wondered how he or she got there in the first place, but he did feel his sister's movement and he was so proud for being there when she kicked for the first time._

I cried for thinking about giving her up. I cried for hating her in the beginning. I cried because of what that fucker did to me but couldn't even hate him at that moment. I hate him now, though.

_Five months later, my beautiful baby-girl was born and I can't even begin to describe the amount of love I had for her. I remember when she was born, she had a head full of pitch black hair and the russet skin-tone was just a vague reminder that her father was Native American. When I held her for the first time, though, I couldn't see one thing that resembled Sam and I cried, thanking God for that._

And if I thought getting over Edward was impossible and so very hard, I had no idea what laid ahead for me after Abbey's birth – even before her birth. Living in this world as a rape-victim with no memory of the crime, was so fucking hard. Sleep wasn't an option and having a new born baby I needed as much sleep as I could get, but I couldn't close my eyes for a second because I started having vivid flashbacks of what happened to me. The doctor said that it was highly unlikely that I will ever get my memory back from that night as the drug caused anterograde amnesia but he never said that it was impossible. I would wake with a scream after feeling him on top of me or smelling his breath and sweat. And that memory would play over and over in my mind…

A shiver ran through my body.

"Bells," Rose's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I looked at her wide-eyed.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Fine," I shook my head again, "just thought about everything I went through"

"I have never been prouder of you than right now and I think you are a wonderful mom" she said to comfort me. I bit down on my bottom lip, tears starting to well up again.

"Yeah?" I asked cynically. "I'm such a good fucking mother that I told my son two years ago about his father and that I was so convincing that my son believed that I lied to him and that his father were actually dead" I fused, gripping my hair between my fingers.

"Bells," she placed her hand over my arm, "you _are_ a wonderful mother"

"Please" I groaned.

"You are" she argued. "What did you tell Tristan tonight?"

"Part of the truth; that I never told Edward about him and that's why he never came to visit" I sighed.

"You know that you can't keep this from Edward anymore?" she brought up the touchy subject.

"I'm meeting him on Sunday where I'll tell him everything"

"How are you feeling about that?" She didn't look into my eyes and I had a feeling that something was up with her, as if she's hiding something from me.

"Scared out of my fucking mind, Rose" I covered my eyes with my hand.

"That was some surprise"

"That's a bit of an understatement" I laughed dryly, "I never expected to see him again…ever! And it feels like my life is about to fall apart" I frowned.

Edward Cullen was the last person I expected to see tonight. He lives on the other side of the country for crying out loud. I ran my fingers through my hair, chewing the inside of my mouth.

"You'll be fine" she smiled, "I've seen how you fought your way back from the worst times in your life, standing tall again, and I know you're going to get through this as well" she encouraged.

"This is different because Edward is going to be so pissed"

"At first" she took a sip of her wine, "but he'll get around once he meets Tristan"

"What if he takes him away from me?" I spoke my biggest fear out loud.

"Honey, there's no way in hell that Tristan would be able to live without you and I'm pretty sure that he'll tell Edward that" she assured me, "and if there's any decency in Edward, he'll respect his son's wishes and he'll put his son's happiness first"

I have no idea what kind of man Edward Cullen is today but ten years ago, he was sweet, compassionate, understanding and loving. And the Edward of ten years ago wouldn't take my son away from me. One thing I was sure off was that he truly loved me, even though I fought against the thought as it made everything easier; I knew deep down that he loved me. I pushed him into a corner about the marriage stuff and he couldn't handle it…which pissed me off because I thought that he was a fucking coward and I felt so rejected.

"I hope you're right" my voice trembled with fear.

"I am" she smiled. "Where have you been?" she asked. "I mean, I left _Twilight _directly after you but when I got home, you weren't here" she handed me another glass of wine, "Quil is beyond pissed at us but I told him where he can shove his job if he had a problem" she snorted, "he wouldn't dare, though, we're the best damn barlady's at that club"

"I went to Seth's" I explained. Next to Rose, Seth is my best friend. We've met at _Twilight_ where I've been working the night shifts for almost four years now. "Quil will understand" I added.

"I thought you would have gone to Jake" she said.

I shook my head, "he would ask too many questions"

Jacob Black has been my friend since we were little kids but he lived on the reservation down in La Push, so we never really saw each other frequently.

When I moved back to Forks, we continued our friendship and became very close! I knew the kind of feelings he had for me but at that time, I was too heartbroken and couldn't even give him the time of day! He knows everything about Edward and has helped me through a lot...but that hole inside my chest still remained. No one would ever be able to fill that emptiness!

Jake wasn't going to wait forever, though, and asked me last year to marry him. I said _yes_ because I couldn't hurt him that way and I do love him, even though he will never be Edward!

"Rose, you're still okay with taking care of Tris and Abs tomorrow night?" I remembered.

"Yup" she popped the 'p' and then a huge grin spread across her face. "_Izzy _is a trendy topic, hey?" she winked.

I sighed. "Don't remind me"

"Remind me again why you're doing this?" she said, "because you don't seem happy about any of it"

"I'm worried about the touring and I'm worried that someone might figure out that I'm hiding behind Izzy…can you imagine the publicity?" I groaned, my heart running wild just at the thought of someone figuring out that Bella Swan is actually Izzy Stewart in the flesh!

As if my life wasn't screwed up enough, I had to add to my heap of shit; becoming a famous musician…

My life reminds me off one of my daughter's favorite movies; '**by night one way, by day another'**. Or something along those lines.

I'm Izzy Stewart in secret. The new 'Goddess of Angst' or 'Goddess of Emo', I can't even keep up with all the names I've been given.

Anyway, Izzy was born about two months ago when I performed – for fun – at _Twilight_. We weren't even open and Rose and I had a little fun behind the mic, not realizing that someone was watching us. Turns out that my other best friend, Seth, heard about our fun – from the unknown source – and crapped me out for not telling him about my talent.

I never told anyone about my singing-ability – not even Edward Cullen. I hated the idea of becoming famous and when we were in school, I focused more on my grades then on my voice. Plus, I knew if Edward knew I could sing, he would want me to be a part of his band and that was something that I didn't want.

After giving it serious consideration, I agreed to record a song for Seth and as he promised, I got signed to a record label. My first single was a huge success and I managed to top more than a few number one songs.

The only reason I considered this was because of my children. I have had enough of not being able to support them properly. We live in a shitty apartment where my daughter has to share a room with me. I just want to be able to give them what they need and more, because they deserve so much more than what they have right now!

_Why am I hiding behind Izzy Stewart?_

Because even though I want a better life for my children, I don't want them on magazine covers and television shows. I don't want a walk in the park to turn into hide-and-seek in the park after reporters spotted us. I want them to still have a normal life.

My mother used to call me Izzy and I used my mother's maiden name as Izzy's surname – Charlie is the only one who knows about that, so it was easy creating a name for my other half. Designing her look was a bit more of a challenge because if I was going to pull this off, I had to do a damn good job of hiding my face properly because the Cullen's was still out there and I couldn't afford for them to recognize me. The only people who know about Izzy are Rose, Seth and my Dad. Not even Jake or my children knows about my other life.

Because my music is so emoish and Gothic, we decided on a very dark look; consisting of black hair and dark makeup. We changed my eyes to blue and the makeup is almost always black, where we've created some sort of mask for my face. I remind myself of _Black Veil Brides _or _KISS – _I just don't cover my entire face, more around my eyes.

Something I never considered, though, was that being a success meant travelling, a lot! I mean, I leave for LA in three weeks and I'll probably be gone for a week...I won't see my children and this bothers me. Soon, I'll be touring all around the country as my first album is being released. How will I cope without seeing my children? They are my life…the very air that I breathe.

One thing I'm pretty sure off is that Izzy will die as fast as she was born because there's no way in hell that I will put my children second in my life. And I'll be damned before I let my fame and fortune come between me and my children.

As for the Edward-situation, I'll deal with that on Sunday morning. I know he's going to be pissed and I can honestly say that I will understand it. I've deprived him of having a relationship with his son...that's if he even wanted a relationship with him…

"_**All the hate deep inside  
slowly covering my eyes  
All these things I hide  
Away from you again  
All this fear holding me  
My heart is cold and I believe  
Nothing's gonna change  
Until I'm whole again"**_

(Broken – 12 Stones)

_So, what did you think? Bella has a lot on her plate…are you disappointed on how I've written her character? please review and be honest!

It was a pretty long chap and I hope I've answered a few of your questions...I'm nervous about this capter so please review and give me your honest opinion!


	5. Chapter Four - Surprises

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics in this chapter belong to: In the Dark - flyleaf**

** I'm low on gas and you need a jacket – Pierce the Veil**

**Bulls in the Bronx – Pierce the Veil**

**Hand's down – Dashboard Confessional**

**First of all! Who saw BD2? My word…my opinion; best out of all the Saga's? I've cried so many times in that movie and when the Volturi killed Carlisle? I almost lost it…luckily I realized that it was a vision. So intense…especially their lovemaking-scene…WOW!**

**Okay, here's two POV's in this Chapter. I know you are eager for Edward and Bella to meet already and for Edward to learn about his son…BUT, you're going to have to wait one more chapter. Plus, I don't think Edward is going to find out about his son the way everyone thinks…anyway the first POV is Bella…**

**...**

"_**I've written songs in the dark**_

_**I've felt inspired in the dark**_

_**I hide myself in the dark**_

_**Used to be afraid of the dark"**_

_**(In the Dark – Flyleaf)**_

Chapter Four – Surprises

**BPOV**

When I was pregnant, I thought of my bump as my little piece of Edward that nobody – not even him - could take away from me. I would always have something of Edward…something that shared the same DNA as him. But when Tristan was born, I felt such a rush of love that I knew instantly that he was my reason for living. When I held him for the first time, I only felt love for him and at that moment it was as if Edward never even existed – even though I've cried for him a few minutes ago while giving birth to my son!

I should have left the decision to Edward whether he wanted to be a part of Tristan's life or not. And then dealt with his decision…I couldn't care less about Edward's feelings in all of this, but I will do anything for my son, and to see how hurt my son are over not seeing his father; kills me.

I never thought about the consequences of my decision to keep Edward away from Tristan…I never thought what it would do to my son or what the outcome would be once Tristan gets older.

All too soon he started asking questions; at first it was little things that he picked up on…especially at school. But the real 'where is my daddy' question came when he was almost seven years old.

I rolled to my side in my bed and sighed.

I told Tristan that Edward lives far away and that he is a very busy man. I remember how Tristan looked at me without blinking for a few seconds before he sighed and said that he understood. I'm such a bad fucking mother for not seeing the doubt in his eyes. I was so selfish that when he said he understood, I was all too happy that he dropped the subject, so I just carried on without ever bringing it up again. I never thought that he believed I lied to him and that he believed his father is actually dead.

Seeing the hurt in my son's eyes tonight was enough to kill me. And to know that I did that to him – his own mother – cripples me.

"Mom" my head shot up at his uncertain voice.

"Tris?"

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"Sure" I sat up straight in my bed and held my arms out for him. It was at this moment that the _baby_ was still in my son as he almost tripped running towards my bed and jumped straight into my arms. I held him tightly, kissing his head over and over again. Tears pricked my eyes.

"I'm sorry about before" he whispered, not to wake his sister up.

I shook my head, cupping his beautiful face between my hands. I've never felt prouder of my son than at that moment when he apologized, even though he had every right to feel angry at me or hurt…he still apologized.

"You had every right to be hurt or angry, Tris"

"Can we talk about this now?" he asked carefully.

"Let's get some hot milk and we'll talk in the living room" I suggested. He nodded his head as he moved off my bed, waiting for me to follow him.

He patiently waited for me in the living room while I heated up some hot milk for the both of us.

He looked completely lost when I entered the living room. It breaks my heart to know that I'm the reason for his sadness. I'm the reason for the doubt and questions in his pretty green eyes.

I clasped his hand between mine as I took a seat next to him. He smiled sadly at me. My children are everything to me…the very fucking air that I breathe.

"Will you tell me what happened?" he spoke so softly that I had to listen very carefully to hear everything.

I elaborated on the things I had only touched on before, telling him that I left Edward when I was twenty one, not knowing I was pregnant. I admitted to him that I was wrong and stumbled over my words when he asked why I did it. How can I tell him that Edward picked his band? How can I tell him that Edward didn't believe in marriage back then and how can I tell him that Edward wasn't sure if he wanted children ten years ago? How can I tell him these things without making Edward the bad guy? Because one thing's for sure, I'll never say anything bad about his father in front of him, no matter what happens between me and Edward; I won't do that to my son. I won't cause him any more heartache or suffering. Plus, I think that Tristan deserves a fair chance to get to know his father without me bad mouthing Edward.

"I made some terrible decisions, Tris. I was very young and when I walked away from Edward, I never imagined that you were already growing inside of me. When I learned that I was pregnant with you, _you_ were my main concern." I smiled sadly at him. "All I wanted to think about was you, and I lost sight of everything else, even your father."

His head was bowed a little. But I gave him a few minutes to take everything in what I've said. I watched my son turn into an adult in a matter of a few seconds. How can you expect a nine year old boy to completely understand a situation you've created ten years ago? Practically begging his father to marry me? Fuck, the rejection was beyond what I was capable of feeling. The humiliation broke me…

Hooking my finger beneath his chin, I tilted his face up and waited till his eyes met mine before I spoke. "I'm sorry, Tris. I love you very much, but I made a mistake. A big mistake!" I swallowed when his eyes filled with tears. "I shouldn't have kept you away from your father."

He moved to wrap his arms around me, hugging me tightly.

That's when I realized I was crying.

"Don't cry, Mom," He croaked into my hair. I reveled in the feel of his arms around me and what it did to my broken heart.

I pulled him tighter into my arms, and he buried his face into the crook of my neck. "I'm okay," I whispered, even though I knew I wasn't.

"Do you think he would want to meet me?" he asked in the crook of my neck. I gently pulled him out of my arms and cupped his cheeks.

"I'm sure he will" I said and hoped in my heart that Edward won't let this little boy down like he let me down. I hoped that Edward would love Tristan unconditionally because I don't know what I'd do if Edward lets him down…it'll kill me and I'll probably want to kill Edward.

"When will I meet my dad?"

I've been waiting for this question but it still surprised me.

"Tris," I said, "I'll have to make some calls and see what I can arrange." I smoothed his hair and cupped his cheek, tilting his head towards me so I could look into his deep green eyes that reminded me of open windows. His eyes are even deeper than Edward's and little spots of the color of my eyes - dark chocolate brown - are strewn around his green irises.

"I don't know what his life is like now and if he'll be able to take off work."

His frown deepened.

"What kind of work does he do?" he asked.

"He is in a band" I answered.

"Really?" his eyes widened in surprise, "what kind of band? Are they any good? What's the band's name?" he asked without taking a breath.

"Whoa" I chuckled. Guilt consumed me as I watched his eyes fill with pure hunger. Hunger to learn more about his father…

"They are okay" I lied through my teeth because they are more than just good.

"What's the band's name, Mom?" he prompted in anticipation.

I chuckled again. "Eclipse-"

"What?" he jumped from the couch and started jumping up and down. "Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm not"

"Mom, they're not just _okay_ they are pretty awesome" he exclaimed eagerly.

"Shh, baby" I clamped my hand over his mouth before his screams could wake Abbey. I chuckled.

"Again with the baby?" his mood changed instantly as he scrunched his nose up and huffed. I stifled my laughter and cleared my throat.

"Oh, right, I'm sorry" I said seriously, "I'm just so used to calling you baby that it's pretty hard to remember that I'm not supposed to call you that" I shrugged.

I asked him how he knows about Eclipse and he explained that he found some of their albums in my collection and listened to them a few times. Edward's band doesn't put pictures of themselves on the covers or even in the booklets, because if Tristan would see a picture of Edward he would know it's his father. I bought the albums to bury myself in my own misery, I guess. Whenever I used to listen to him sing, I would remember how he used to sing to me in the privacy of our room or in the bath, even the shower. Mostly, I remember how he would sing to me and proclaim his love after we made the most incredible love. Like I said, I buried myself in depression and misery for a while. To be honest, I've completely forgotten that I have those albums of Edward.

"Mom?" my son's voice halted my thoughts which were rapidly getting out of control. Concern was now etched on his face. I gently ran my hand down his face and smiled.

"Hmmm?"

"Tell me about him" he asked.

"Can I ask you something first?" I asked and he nodded. "Why did you believe that he was dead?"

He shrugged but I saw the hurt crawl into his eyes.

"I just thought that it was easier for you to lie and tell me he lives far away then to be honest and tell me he's dead. That's why I never asked you about him again"

"I'm so sorry that I made you believe he was dead" I swallowed the sob that was about to escape my mouth.

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have created stories in my head and should have asked you about it"

He started asking me questions about Edward and I answered as honestly as I was capable of because I don't know shit about Edward. It's been ten years and I have no idea what kind of man he is today. From what I saw at the club, he has changed a lot and it's not in a good way. The bitterness and hatred in his eyes was scary and even changed the color of his eyes to a cold, grey. Leaving his face with hard lines and a rigid jaw. The old Edward, the beautiful Edward is gone and I can't help but wonder what the hell happened in his life, because he is engaged for crying out loud. Isn't he supposed to be happy?

Eventually, Tristan's tiredness became more urgent than his curiosity and he struggled to stifle his yawns.

"Let's continue this in the morning" I suggested. At first he wanted to fight against his tiredness but as another yawn escaped his mouth he reluctantly agreed. But only after I promised him that I would tell him more in the morning.

The thought of losing my son, cripples me. I don't know what Edward will do on Sunday when I tell him the truth about Tristan. I don't know if he'll want Tristan for himself and if he'll take me to court…

My phone vibrated after I put my son to bed and I was surprised to see that it was Jake. I quietly left my room, not to wake my daughter up, before I answered the phone.

"You're calling late?" I smiled.

"Hey beautiful" he said lazily and I closed my eyes at the calmness in his voice. I took it in and let it fill my heart where storms were brewing the entire day.

"I really miss you" I sighed.

"I can be there in five minutes-"

"No, that's not necessary" I interrupted him. Even though I need him and would kill to have him here right now, he'll ask too many questions.

"That's a pity" he sighed, "I came all this way-"

"What? Are you here?" I asked in shock. I rushed to the door and looked through the peephole where I saw his beautiful smiling face. I pulled the door open and jumped into his arms.

I only realized that I was sobbing when Jake carried me into the apartment, rubbing soothing circles on my back and whispered soothingly into my ear.

After I cried my heart out, Jake wanted to know what was wrong. I start to tell him about everything that happened since I saw Edward at the club. He listened patiently, rubbing the back of my hand soothingly.

"Are you sure that you want to tell Edward about Tristan?" he asked softly.

I nodded.

"I have to, Jake. You should have seen the look on Tristan's face when he learned that his father isn't dead and that I've deliberately kept him away from Edward"

"Babe, that's not your fault-"

"I kept them apart. I did that" I argued.

"You know I'll stand by you, no matter what you decide" he whispered. "I just can't help but wonder" he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"What?" I prompted.

"Babe, you saw Edward again and look at you, you're falling apart again. I don't want him to have this effect on you…I fucking hate that he still have this effect on you" he hissed.

I clasped his hands between mine and planted a soft kiss on them.

"It's been ten years, Jake. I was shocked to see him back in Seattle and the fact that I have a hidden son in this city pretty much freaked me out" I explained. "My heart is broken over my son's anger and hurt. I've never seen Tristan so lost and so hurt and it fucking killed me to see him like that. You know how much I love my kids-"

"I know, I know" he kissed my hands repeatedly, "I just don't want that fucker to come back into your life"

"I know, I feel the same way. But there's Tristan to think about and I'll have to keep the peace, for Tristan's sake"

"I understand and I meant what I said, I'll support any decision you make"

"I know and I love you for that"

"Love you too, beautiful" he whispered, tilting my chin with his index finger before he cradled my face in his large hands. His face came closer to mine and my breathing caught in my throat as my lips parted almost imperceptibly before he captured them with his own. The kiss was slow, and gentle, and sweet. My eyes slid closed and I snaked my arms around his neck, revelling myself in the feel of Jake. Familiar and safe!

The whole time he was cradling my face in his large hands as if I was a china doll that could break at any moment. I completely lost myself in that kiss but only for a moment before Edward's cold, grey eyes danced in front of my eyes. I slowed our kiss down and saw disappointment in Jake's eyes.

"Just know that I'll protect you with my life" he said seriously, "I won't let Cullen break your heart again" he promised me.

I smiled back at him.

If only he knew that my heart hasn't been whole in ten years. Not even Jake and his love, can fix my fucked up heart. Jake has the power to still the storms inside my heart, but my heart is a big fucking wound that refuses to heal. The moment I stitch it up, something happens and the stitches tear open. And every fucking time, the wound gets bigger and bigger. I don't know how much more of this shit I can take.

I know I'm stronger on the inside. I've overcome so many obstacles and heartache that I can actually laugh at some of my circumstances, but – and this is a big but – Edward is my weakness. I have proved that to myself when I saw him at _Twilight_.

I'll have to prepare myself for Sunday because there's no fucking way that I'll break before him…I won't let him have the satisfaction over my heartache…

**Emmett's POV**

_**My hopes are so high,**_

_**that your kiss might kill me.**_

_**So won't you kill me,**_

_**so I die happy.**_

_**(Hands Down – Dashboard Confessional)**_

It's the day of the Fundraiser and even though the band has waited - what seems to be forever - for this day, I can only think of one thing; or rather one person.

I've been pacing up and down my living room for almost an hour; pulling and tugging on my hair, which is giving me a motherfucker headache and I've been chewing the inside of my cheek – which has become a seriously bad fucking habit – raw, as I can taste the salty blood leaking out of my chewed up cheeks.

All this, out of frustration because of a woman named, Rosalie Hale!

And after seeing her last night at the _Twilight Club_, I'm even more lost than before.

I had no clue that she knows Bella. Now everything makes sense why the fuck she blew me off.

My face pulled at the thought of Bella.

After almost ten years of nothing, not a phone call or even an e-mail, she turns around and serves our drinks at some bar. After almost ten years of suffering – I know my brother is still suffering, even though he is putting up this front – she suddenly appears and doesn't even offer him some kind of explanation for her behavior.

And then, to have found out that Rosalie and Bella are roommates, fuck me! That was something all right. Now, I understand why Rosalie refused to see me again after she found out that I was once a member of _Eclipse _and that Edward Cullen is my brother.

I don't even know why this girl is bothering me – haunting is a better word. I can't seem to think straight or even get through a second of the day without thinking about her; how her smile would light up my entire day, how her eyes sparkled whenever she spoke about something important or something ridiculously funny or how her lips felt against mine, the first and only time we kissed.

After Irina, I was a wreck. _Pfft,_ a bit of an understatement there…Irina's infidelity damn near killed me and I've had a hard time trusting woman. It took me years to get where I am today; to feel what I'm feeling for Rosalie, was impossible and I thought that I would never feel this way again. Again, my heart is being crushed by a woman…this time feels so much worse, though. Ridiculous, right? That's what I'm thinking; I don't know shit about this girl and I've known her for such a short amount of time…

I sighed as I still paced up and down in my living room, still tugging on my short, curly hair.

Can't help what I'm feeling. She has made a permanent residence inside my heart and it hurts the crap out of me to think that I won't ever get a chance with her…just because of Bella and Edward's shit.

Well, fuck that!

I stopped pacing – thank goodness – and grabbed my cellphone and my car keys, rushing out of my house.

My Jeep sped through the streets of Seattle – exceeding more than one speed limit – as I'm rushing to Rose's apartment. I dropped her off after one of our dates – thank fuck for that, else I wouldn't have had an idea where she lived.

After about thirty minutes of driving like a maniac, I stopped in front of her building. It's not a fancy place and I don't like the idea of her – or Bella – living in this place, but I don't know their circumstances and should just stay the fuck out of their business.

I jumped out of my car and rushed to the entrance but froze in my steps, raking my hands through my hair and cussing loudly. An old lady huffed as she walked past me and quickened her pace. I chuckled.

What if she rejects me again?

_Fuck that_, I thought to myself.

I skipped the elevator and ran up the stairs. I hope she's at home…I hope that she'll at least hear me out…

_Hear me out?_ I don't even know what I'm going to say…

I came to a stop in front of her door and raised my hand to knock, which froze mid-air. I let my hand fall and exhaled loudly.

What if…

_Get a grip Cullen_! I chastised myself.

Again I raised my hand to knock, but only this time I did. I knocked and took a step back while I waited for the door to open.

My heart stilled when I heard footsteps. I looked down to the floor and held my breath in when the door opened up. My eyes saw two bare feet with red nail polish covering the toenails. I've never seen Rose's feet so I wouldn't know if this was her. I slowly raised my head and scanned her endless long legs – now these I know belonged to Rose, as I've seen her in a little black dress before. I wanted to explore more of her sexy body but her clearing her throat, caught my attention.

I looked up and my breath caught in my throat. She looked amused, yet, pissed off.

"What are you doing here?" she asked and I could have sworn I saw a hint of fear in her crystal blue eyes.

"I need to talk to you" I simply said.

"I'll call you tomorrow"

"No way, Rosalie" I blocked the door that was about to be slammed in my face. "I want to talk now" I said. I know I sounded rude but I can't sleep because of this girl. There's no way in hell that I'm going through another night without knowing why Bella is the cause of me, not seeing this girl.

"Who said you could come in?" she asked rudely but I ignored her completely. I found my way to the living room and I couldn't help the disgusted look on my face when I looked around. Everything was neat and tidy but the furniture was old and ragged and torn. There was no TV in the room and I wondered if they even had one. There was a small portable CD-player on a table and a few frames with photos.

"Seen enough?" she hissed furiously. I slowly turned around to face her. I couldn't keep the sadness and pity out of my eyes.

"Don't you dare pity me" she stuttered, "or Bella" she added quickly.

"I'm not-"

"We're coping and that's what's important" she explained, interrupting me.

"Rose, I'm sorry" I whispered and gave a step in her direction but she took a step back as soon as I did this, so I froze, tucked my hands into my pants' pockets and clenched my jaw tight.

"I thought I've made myself perfectly clear the other night" she said.

"Why? Why can't we be together? Because of Bella, Edward, why Rose?" I swallowed thickly.

"You leave Bella out of this-"

"Aunty Rose"

Both our heads shot to the left and then back to each other; confusion filled my eyes while fear filled Rose's. I gasped when I turned back to the little girl that entered the room. There is no doubt in my mind that this is Bella's little girl, as she's the spitting image of Bella even though her skin tone is a tad bit darker.

"What's wrong, Abs?" Rose replied as she rushed to the girls' side. The little girl's eyes were on me, eyeing me carefully, yet, curiously.

"Who is this?" she asked curiously and I chuckled. Her brown eyes widened but then the cutest smile spread across her face. I gasped again. The resemblances between Bella and her daughter are so precise.

"Urm…this is Emmett" Rose answered her.

"Hello" she said and bounced to my side, "My name is Abbey" she introduced herself. I looked to Rose and frowned when she kept looking to where the little girl came from, gnawing on her bottom lip.

"That's a beautiful name" I said back to Abbey but wondered what the hell was going on here? Rose looks terrified off something. I frowned again.

Has Bella gotten married? Moved on? _Come on Emmett, it's been ten years…_

This is going to kill my brother!

"You look like a grizzly bear"

"Abbey!" Rose chastised with widened eyes and her mouth opening and closing like a fish's.

"Sorry" Abbey sighed, "but it's true" she added quickly. I laughed out loud while I crouched down and poked her softly in her tummy. She giggled sweetly and it was like a sweet melody.

"I get that all the time" I chuckled.

"Really?" she pouted.

I nodded my head, "Sure" I smiled. "My brother reminds me everyday"

"You have a brother?" she asked.

"Yup" I popped the 'p'. Her mouth opened to say something but then we were interrupted by Rose coming to stand next to Abbey. She placed her hand on Abbey's shoulder while looking down to me.

"Abbey, why don't you go and play" Rose suggested. Abbey pouted but reluctantly agreed.

Rose watched her leave and then, when she made sure she was out of hearing distance, she turned back to me. She looked furious.

"Bella's married?" I asked the first thing that sprung to mind.

Rose's entire face pulled in disgust while she huffed.

"No, she's not married" she plopped down on the ragged couch, "not that it's any business of yours" she added quickly.

"Look" I said in irritation, "I love Bella as a sister and it broke my heart when she left. I'm sorry things didn't work out between her and Edward, but honestly" I pinched the bridge of my nose, "it has nothing to do with me"

"Bella's going to freak out about you being here" she whispered terrified. I frowned again.

"Why? I don't understand" I asked.

"Because of Edward-"

"Rosy, Abbey said there's a bear in our house" a young boy came running into the room. I looked up from Rose to where the voice came from and almost fell on my back. I looked to Rose again but she only shook her head, warning me with her eyes.

She approached the boy and ran her fingers through his hair; unruly bronze hair, just like Edward's.

"Tris, we're kind of in the middle of something" she said. He rolled his eyes at her, "will you call me when you're done, because I'd like to meet this bear" he chuckled. He had the same velvety tone to his voice, although his were still young and raspy, not as fluently as Edward's.

"I'll call you, I promise" she said.

I stood frozen in the middle of the room. What the fuck is happening here? Bella…two children? How the hell did this happen?

"What the hell was that?" I almost yelled when he left the room. I clenched my jaw rigidly and swallowed hard.

"Keep your damn voice down" she hissed and pulled me by my wrist to the kitchen.

"He is Edward's son" I stated.

She sighed and clasped her hands in front of her face. Tears filled her eyes but at this moment, they left me cold.

"How the fuck could Bella do this to him?" I asked bitterly. Rose's head snapped up and gave me a death glare.

"Don't you dare judge Bella" she argued, "what about your brother? How could he have done what he did to Bella?"

"It didn't give her the right to keep his son away from him" I defended my brother.

Never in a million years have I imagined, by coming here tonight, I would find my brother's son. A son he doesn't even know exists.

"That's why you can't date me" I gasped, "because I would have figured out that Bella's been keeping Edward's son away from him" I frowned furiously as everything started to make sense.

"I'm sorry" she sobbed, "but I can't betray my friend. Please understand" she pleaded.

"Of course I understand" I nodded my head, "because you'll understand that I can't betray my brother" I said through clenched teeth.

I turned around to leave but she grabbed me by my wrist. I looked at her and sighed.

"Please, don't tell him" she begged.

"The hell I won't" I hissed and pulled my arm out of her grip.

"He needs to hear it from Bella"

"HA, she had ten years to tell him, why now?"

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked to the floor, gnawing on her bottom lip again. And everything started making sense…

"Because he found her last night" I answered my own question.

"No, that's not the only reason. She knows that it's the right thing to do-"

"Bull-fucking-shit" I interrupted her. "She had ten years to tell him…ten fucking years, Rose, and now it's the right thing to do" I ran my hands over my face and exhaled loudly, the pounding inside my chest increased.

I looked at Rose, really looked at her, and blew out a long breath.

"We could've been great together" I said sadly, feeling my heart crush as I said the words. Her lips quivered from keeping her tears at bay.

"I liked you, Rose, maybe even loved you" I raked my fingers roughly through my hair, "I don't know what the feelings are that I have for you" I closed my eyes as my throat swelled and threatened to choke me, "I guess we'll never know now, will we?" I opened my eyes slowly to look at her one last time.

She's so beautiful, so perfectly beautiful.

I rushed out of the kitchen and made my way to the door but she ran after me and grabbed me by my wrist.

"Em, please. I'm begging you to not tell Edward" she cried.

"You don't get to ask me that, Rose" I yelled furiously. "You don't get to ask me anything"

"Don't go, please"

"This is what you wanted" I laughed bitterly. "What really bugs the crap out of me, is that you had a chance to tell me about Bella and her situation, but you chose to lie along with her and kick me out of your life" I grinned. "So, this is me, _gone_!"

I reached for the doorknob and viciously opened the door.

"Goodbye Rosalie" I whispered with my back towards her. I closed my eyes when her raw sobs cut straight through my heart, damn near killing me.

_**Well, fuck, what am I supposed to be impressed?**_

_**You're just another set of bones to lay to rest.**_

_**I guess it's time to say goodnight.**_

_**Hope you had a really good time.**_

_**I will soon forget the color of your eyes,**_

_**and you will forget mine.**_

Back in my Jeep, I slammed on the steering wheel while groaning loudly.

I don't know what the fuck to do?

I owe it to Edward to tell him about Bella's betrayal. Again, I couldn't believe that Bella did this to him…the Bella I knew – or thought I knew – wouldn't have done this to him. I know he was young back then and he wasn't sure about the whole marriage thing, but come on, who is sure at the age of twenty one?

I sighed as I started the engine…

I'm telling my brother about this…before Bella disappears again!

_**I've been having this dream that we can fly,**_

_**So darling, close your eyes.**_

_**Cause you're about to miss everything**_

_**(Bulls in the Bronx – Pierce the Veil)**_

_...Okay, so don't hate Emmett now too. LOL. He's standing up for his brother. _

_What did you think?_

_So I've updated within two days…it's only cause you guys reviewed like crazy the previous chapter. Maybe you can do that again and I'll update sooner rather than later. LOL_

_Thank you for all the support and for all the guests that left reviews. _

_Please review_


	6. Chapter Five - No fucking way

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters**

**Lyrics in Chapter belong to: Blood to Bleed – Rise Against**

** King for a day – Pierce the Veil**

** Saints & Sailors – Dashboard Confessional**

** Goodbye - CrashCarBurn**

…

"_**I don't love you anymore" is all I remember you telling me**_

_**Never have I felt so cold**_

_**But I've no more blood to bleed**_

_**'Cause my heart has been draining into the sea**_

_**(Blood To Bleed – Rise Against)**_

Chapter Five – No fucking way

**EPOV**

"Where the fuck is Emmett?" I groaned, and I pulled my hair in frustration. Although he wasn't in the band anymore, he is supposed to play as a guest tonight; requested by Aro.

"Ed, calm down man" Jasper slapped me on my back.

"Don't tell me what to do" I hissed. I felt very irritated and pissed off.

Ever since I saw Bella last night, I've been a wreck and treated everyone around me like shit, especially Tanya! Plus, the fact that Bella wanted to see me tomorrow to talk was a fucking mystery to me. I've been racking my brain as to what could be on her mind but I came up with nothing.

I sighed.

Jasper retreated himself and I noticed how he clenched his jaw, probably fighting back some smartass comment or something!

"I'm so sick of your shit" Alice intervened.

"Shut up, Alice. I'm not in the mood for this" I yelled.

"No, I won't shut up!" she yelled back. "You're so full of shit...your life didn't end when she left!"

I narrowed my eyes at her and bit down on my lip! My nostrils flared out of anger.

"What? Can't handle the truth? Tough shit...it's been ten fucking years-"

"I know how long it's been" I interrupted her. "Fuck you, Alice"

"What a come back? A nice, big, _fuck you_" she laughed hysterically. "If Bella meant so much to you, why the fuck didn't you go after her? Instead, you let her go because you're a fucking pussy, just like you were one last night when you, once again, let her walk away from you" she yelled. My eyes widened in shock at my sister's outburst. It wasn't like Alice to cuss, or to lose her tempter like this.

"You don't know shit" I spat, and threw my arms in the air. "I've searched for her; I called Charlie every fucking day, and he claimed he had no idea where she was" I said. The pain in my chest was coursing through my body, and I felt like lying down and drown myself in alcohol, like I used to after she left. Turning to the point where I would feel absolutely nothing. Numbness would consume me and I would welcome the amazing feeling…the feeling of absolutely nothing!

"We had that major fucking tour planned right after Bella left, and I stayed with you guys until the tour was done. I went to Charlie's house directly after we made it home, remember Alice, I asked for some leave?" she nodded her head, "well, Charlie refused to tell me where she was right before he slammed the door in my face" I sneered. I rubbed the back of my neck with my hand and sighed, "whatever, it's none of your fucking business anyway"

I never told anyone that I went to Forks. I kept it to myself, not even Emmett knew. I had no idea why the fuck I just revealed that to both, Jasper and Alice, but the words just rolled off of my tongue, as if I had no control over anything I did.

"It is my damn business because you've treated me like shit ever since she left and you've pushed me out of your damn life. You have no one else to blame except yourself"

"I know it's my own damn fault she left but she's not completely fucking innocent in all of this" I jabbed my fingers in my hair.

"You're such a fucking dumbass for letting her go, but to mope around for ten years, and treating us like shit is just downright spineless" she raged on. Her words hurt like hell and I knew it was true. Regret always comes too late, though…

"What would you have done if it was Jasper who left you?" I whispered heart-broken. I raised my head slowly to meet my sister's eyes and I smiled sadly when her eyes widened.

"I...I...I..." She stuttered.

"I thought so" I grinned sarcastically, "please think about how much you love Jasper and how it will kill you if he leaves you. Just try to imagine it, really imagine it, and when your heart feels like its being ripped out of your chest, you'll almost know the feeling"

"Edward, I'm –"

"I know I made a mistake by letting her go" I sighed. My heart cracked open and the amounts of blood that gushed through the tiny crack were more than excruciating. "I want you to also picture your biggest fear in life and I want you to think how you would react if you came face to face with that same fear. What the fuck would you do if that fear were about to suffocate you?" I asked.

My biggest fear in life, ten years ago, was marriage. My mom and dad had a very bad marriage. They fought constantly where they would almost kill each other. Emmett, Alice and I were always in the middle of everything and we had to witness our parents constantly ripping each other's hearts out. That wasn't even the worst…my mom used to tell us that they never fought before they had gotten married. According to her, they had the best relationship and once they married, everything changed.

I don't think my mother realized that she planted a tiny seed of doubt in my heart, and them fighting was the water and fertilizer. The more they fought, the more the seed grew; until the seed were a big fucking tree. A tree filled with fear and doubt on the whole marriage thing.

When Bella set her ultimatum, I came face to face with that fear. And, at that time, I did not have the axe to bring the fucker down. I was blind and I lost the only thing that ever made sense in my life. I've lost true love because of my fear.

I don't know why the fuck I would want to marry Tanya…maybe it's because I don't love her and I know I won't get hurt if she left me. I saw what it did to my dad when my mom left him. Their divorce almost killed him and I was scared shitless to have that same thing happen to me. But as I had already lost Bella, I knew exactly how my dad felt…the pain was indescribably…it was something that you couldn't explain to anyone; not unless they went through the same thing.

"Edward, I never realized…"

"Just don't" I sighed heavily, "just don't talk about things you know nothing about. You don't know what I went through, and I'm sorry if I am such a bastard…it's just that there's nothing to be happy about. So back off"

I turned away from her and Jasper, and leaned against the closest wall with both my arms stretched out. I let my head fall between my arms, closing my eyes as a rush of air left my lungs. The truth in Alice's words sunk in...I'm an asshole, a complete dick!

I've treated everyone around me like shit because of Bella, because I can't seem to be my normal, happy self without her. I took my anger and hurt out on my family because I knew they loved me, and I wanted them to hurt like I've been hurting.

I'm such a fucking coward!

Look where everything got me; my fear had cost me Bella, my shitty attitude had cost me my perfect relationship with my sister, I'm engaged to a woman I don't even love and I've grown into a heartless bastard. Alice and I were so close before Bella left, now we're like acquaintances. It had caused so much tension in the band...I'm pretty sure she's just sticking around because of Jasper!

"Ed" my brother's voice boomed as he came running into our private suite. My head snapped up.

"Em, what the fuck? You're late" I fumed.

"I have to talk to you" he said seriously, and I frowned.

"What happened to you?" Concern filled my heart.

"It's about Bella" he said.

"I don't want to talk about her" I threw my arms up in frustration, shaking my head sideways, "especially not before our performance"

"What was I thinking" he mumbled, running his hands down his face.

"Em-"

"No, you're right, I should leave this for after the performance" he interrupted me. He tugged on his short, curly hair in frustration.

"It sounds important"

"Believe me, Ed, it's gonna change your life" he grinned but his eyes looked wary. He had me curious for a moment, and I wondered what the hell he knew about Bella that had him this agitated, yet, determined at the same time. I couldn't think about Bella, especially before a performance; she was dangerous territory.

"Fuck" I pulled my hair, "why did I have to run into her?" I blew out the breath that I hadn't even noticed I was holding. "I can't sleep…I can't even get through one minute without thinking about her"

"I can imagine that it must've been hard seeing her after ten years but-"

I held the palms of my hands up to stop him mid-sentence.

"_Hard_…" I groaned, "Hard doesn't even begin to describe-"

"Ed" he pulled his bottom lip with his finger, "I know it seems like a bunch of bullshit right now, but I think that it was a blessing that you ran into her. Like…like it was meant to happen or something" he frowned as if his own sentence wasn't making any sense to him.

I frowned and pulled my lips into a flat line.

"You're right, it's bullshit"

"Guys, you're up next" Leah, our manager, burst into our suite.

I decided to ignore Emmett and his shit about Bella for the rest of the night…or maybe forever! I just knew that I couldn't deal with the Bella-ordeal at that moment. It was hard enough to believe I had ran into her last night, and that she wanted to meet up so we could talk tomorrow. It felt so surreal.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts; she kept me up all night, I'll be damned if I'll let her ruin this performance for me!

_**Scream until there's nothing left.**_

_**So sick of playing, I don't want to anymore.**_

_**The thought of you is no fucking fun.**_

_**You want a martyr? I'll be one, **_

Emmett punched my shoulder before he followed our sister and Jasper, who were in their own little world a minute ago, out of the suite. Leah remained in our suite and I pulled my face. I had no strength for Leah…

"Is this another speech?" I groaned.

"No" she smiled, "I'm just worried about you…Alice told me about last night-"

"I'm fine" I rudely interrupted her, and turned my back to her. I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. Damn Alice for opening her big mouth.

Leah had been our manager ever since we started our band. She knew everything about Bella, and also knew that it was a tender subject. I hate how she hovers…pisses me off. She thinks she has some kind of claim on me or some shit…ever since that one dreadful night, nine years ago…

"I'm sure" she gently touched my forearm. My eyes followed her hand and stared for a moment at her hand on my arm, before I raised my head and met her eyes.

"Leah, this is not the time" I whispered as bile rose to my throat.

I probably forgot to mention that – one night while I was drunk and high – I slept with Leah. This happened a year after Bella left…did I mention that I was as high as a fucking kite? It was a big mistake…probably the biggest mistake I had ever made in my entire life – next to letting Bella go!

Leah thought that I wanted a relationship with her, and that we were a couple. I felt like shit for hurting her, but there was no way in hell that I would have started a relationship with my manager. Plus, I just didn't have those kinds of feelings for her.

"I hate that Bella destroyed your life" she hissed when I gently pulled my arm out from under her hand.

"It's not solely Bella's fault" I defended Bella, "I made the choice for her to walk out of my life"

"But-"

"Leah, I appreciate the fact that you care and that you're trying to make me feel better" I interrupted her, "what I don't appreciate is that you're bringing up shit that's long forgotten and buried" I clenched my jaw, trying really hard to be polite. I hate that everyone seemed to think they could talk to me about Bella just because I saw her last night.

"Okay, you're right" she sighed, "I'm sorry. I just…I just wanted to make sure you were okay"

"Thank you, I'm fine" I nodded my head.

Things were brutal after I 'supposedly' broke Leah's heart, but we worked things out. I think she figured that we were her boss, not the other way around. She changed her attitude right before I had enough of her shit; stalking me like a fucking freak.

She turned around and made her way to the door without saying another word. I followed Leah out of the suite, thankful that she dropped the Bella-situation. We went through the secret entrance they created for the bands here at Key Arena. My heart rate picked up when I got closer to the backstage-area, where I heard the crowd sing along with another band.

This is the _Volturi-fundraiser_, one of the most successful fundraisers in the country. It started five years ago; the Volturi-brothers invited a few bands to perform, and it was such a huge success that they've decided to do it every year. The cause of this fundraiser is to help children with cancer, especially orphaned children and children whose parents don't have the funds or insurance to pay for their treatment and hospital bills.

We've been waiting for this opportunity since they first started this fundraiser. It was a great honor to perform here and to give something back to the community.

That was why it was no problem to agree to come back to Seattle...

I just never imagined that I would run into Bella again...especially in Seattle. This means that Charlie lied to me about Bella's whereabouts...I had called him every single day since she ran away, until he just hung up the phone whenever he heard that it was me.

I remember the day I knocked on his door and asked where the hell Bella was. We had a big argument before he slammed the door in my face. But not before he promised me that he would get a restraining order if I kept harassing him. He made it perfectly clear that Bella wanted nothing to do with me and that I should fuck off.

I remember that I had such high hopes in finding her there, or at least have a clue where she was. I was crushed when I came back to LA without Bella. I had no clue where she was and Charlie made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me…I did the only thing I knew was possible; I let Isabella Swan go. My life had never been the same after that…

"_**So this is where it ends, in the place where it all began**_

_**And here I find you shaking softly in the cold September wind**_

_**You swim with your mistakes like a necklace made of concrete**_

_**To drag you down and keep you under**_

_**You gotto let go of something"**_

Everything was just so messed up...even my relationship with Tanya is screwed up. I couldn't be in the same room as her ever since I saw Bella and that was bad, very bad. I couldn't picture myself marrying Tanya. Not anymore!

Fuck!

I couldn't be in the same city as Bella and not see her. I had no idea how to stay away from Bella, especially now that I knew where she was. It would be so hard to fly back to LA and know Bella was in Seattle…

"Are you ready for this?" Jasper asked me when we caught up to them. I smiled half-heartedly.

"I was born ready for this shit"

"Ed," he sighed before he looked at Alice. He turned his eyes back to me, "she didn't mean what she said earlier. She just misses you"

"Jazz, I know" I slapped him on his back, "I miss her too" I sighed, "I just don't know how to fix our relationship…it's been years"

"Just talk to her" he said and made it sound so easy. "Did you know that she cries herself to sleep every single night?" he cocked an eyebrow at me. I swallowed hard. The fact that my best friend still loved and supported me after what he had just revealed, humbled me in so many ways. My respect for Jasper grew by one hundred percent; if someone made my wife so unhappy that she cried every single night, I probably would have punched him every time I saw him.

"I'm sorry" I choked out.

He gently squeezed my shoulder with his hand, "this is not the time to talk about this. We'll talk later" he said calmly. Jasper had some sort of calmness about him that overpowered every other emotion I had. No matter where we were, Jasper kept me calm. Even when storms were raging inside my heart, he calmed them…

"You're right. We will talk about this later" I smiled. I needed to set things right with my sister, and I promised myself that I weren't going to put this off any longer.

We listened as Aro Volturi announced our band's name and my heart started pounding hard as the crowd chanted our name. This was the best thing about performing live; the adrenaline rush that pumped through my veins as exhilaration took over.

I stepped onto the stage, staring back at the chanting and clapping crowd. It fulfilled me in so many ways, but there were only so many fulfillments from performing. It almost had the power to stitch up my wound of a heart…almost. It only kept me going; it was like drinking an energy drink, which kept you going for a few hours.

Alice took her place behind the set of drums. I grinned. Alice is the best drummer I know, and I know she's my sister and all, but she looks really hot behind a set of drums. Alice was a true rocker straight to the core, another reason she did not get along with Tanya.

I really need to make amends with Alice, and I'm happy that I had decided to do it. I have to take the first step and offer her an olive branch, because I couldn't go on like this. And from what Jasper told me, I would bet that he has had enough of this shit as well. Plus, the fact that I now knew about Alice's crying every night, and what it must have done to my friend, made my decision so much easier. I want my sister back in my life…

_**This is where I say I've had enough**_

_**And no one should ever feel the way that I feel now.**_

_**A walking open wound,**_

_**A trophy display of bruises**_

_**And I don't believe that I'm getting any better, any better.**_

I grabbed my guitar and took my place at the front of the stage, staring up at the crowd – all ten thousand of them – and felt my heart pounding hard in my chest. This is what made everything worthwhile…

I cleared my throat as the crowd slowly stilled.

"Wow" I choked out, my voice was thick with emotion. "We are so honored to be here; being a part of this fundraiser has been something we've wanted to do since it started. Giving is just such an amazing gift and for us to be able to give to children in need…wow, it touches my heart in ways that no one will ever understand" I cleared my throat again.

My fingers gently toggled through the strings, "anyways, enjoy the show" I smiled widely, strumming the riffs of our first song.

I started singing my heart out to Seattle, and I sang my heart out to the woman I've loved and threw away because I was so damn selfish, and who weren't even listening to me pouring my heart out. I tried to sing the excruciating pain inside my chest away – failing miserably. I want Bella back. This feeling dawned on me as I performed; slamming on my guitar strings, head banging my way through the chorus.

What the fuck was going on with me? Did I really want her back? Would she even take me back?

_Pfft, _by her reaction from last night, **hell no**!

After our performance, Aro Volturi joined us on stage. He praised us before he announced the next artist, which came as a huge surprise to me.

"The next artist was a last minute decision but we just had to have her perform here since she's made such an impression on the public" he chuckled, "Izzy Stewart, ladies and gentlemen" he stretched his arm out towards the side to welcome her. She made her appearance while we walked off the stage.

The television and magazines hadn't done her any justice because she's even more gorgeous in person; an absolute fucking vision. She wore a black bondage mini skirt over fishnet stockings and a black and red corset with high _Docs_. She looked amazing. What struck me as odd, though, was her face. Her makeup was so much darker this time, half her face was covered in makeup; creating some sort of mask. It didn't look bad, especially with her blue eyes showing off amazingly, but it was definitely different. No wonder society referred to her as 'Goddess of Goth'.

I nodded in hello when I walked past her but she just looked away. I frowned. Please don't tell me she was one of those stuck up bitches who, all of a sudden, became somebody overnight and now she thought she was the fucking shit!

Emmett grabbed my arms when I jumped off the stage.

"Hey, what the fuck?" I pulled my arm free.

"Dude, I need to talk to you" he said.

"Em, what is so damn important-?"

"I…" he pulled his fingers through his hair. His face looked strained, "fuck!" he exclaimed in frustration.

"I don't know how to tell you this" he said.

"Just spit it out" I groaned, "and get it over with, so I can get the fuck out of here. I want to talk to Alice"

"Bella has been lying to you all these years" he said softly. My eyes narrowed as I tucked my hands into my pants' pockets.

"How do you figure that?"

"Let's get out of here. We can-"

"No, fuck that. Tell me what she's been lying about?" I interrupted him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, and he slowly raised his eyes to meet mine.

"Em-" I lashed out. I felt a little frustrated myself, at this point. He made me anxious about this whole Bella-thing he had on his mind. Emmett wasn't the kind of guy that was at loss for words, or even struggled to get shit off his chest. He would just spit it out.

"She was pregnant" he rumbled.

I felt the blood drain from my body. My heart sprung to my throat, pounding painfully hard and making it impossible to breathe.

"W-w-hat?" I struggled out.

"She had a baby. Nine months after she left you" he whispered, "Edward, you have a son"

"No" I shook my head, "No, Bella would never keep something like that from me" I kept shaking my head.

Emmett sighed.

"He's the spitting image of you…believe me, he's your son"

"No" I shook my head again. I felt something warm roll down my cheeks and my hand raised on its own accord to wipe the tears away – something I haven't done in seven years. Cry! "No, it's not possible" I hissed.

Could this be? Is that why she wanted to see me tomorrow morning? I couldn't believe that she would have kept this from me for ten years…

A son? I have a son?

My throat swelled from unshed tears and I had a hard time to swallow.

"Ed, are you okay?"

"I have to see her" I said.

He just shook his head, pulling me to our suite. I felt sick to my stomach and my legs felt weak, struggling to carry the weight of my body.

_**Now as the rain falls like shattered pieces of glass from the sky,**_

_**We bleed like water colors and drunken pastels down the stairways.**_

_**And I ask myself, why do I still pray?**_

_**When will it end? And who fucking cares?**_

_**(The boy who could fly – Pierce the Veil)**_

_I bet some of you are still furious with Edward *sniff*. He made some mistakes and he's going to pay for them, I promise you. I still love Edward...haha! _


	7. Chapter Six - The Confrontation

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_**Lyrics in this chapter belongs to: We stitch these wounds – Black Veil Brides**_

_** Where does love go when it dies? – Def Leppard**_

_** Weight of time – Rise Against**_

**PLEASE READ: Some of you are wondering about Izzy? Can I just say that this story is not about Izzy. Izzy is a way for Bella to make a better life for her children****, sure I write about her blah-blah, but Izzy is not the story. I'm sorry if I may have confused some of you. Some of you are wondering why I wrote Izzy into the story…you'll see later on, but she's not a major part of the story.**

…**..**

_**The tears we've cried, this love has died,**_

_**You're by yourself with me tonight.**_

_**It's what we hide with every lie,**_

_**And stitch these wounds with me tonight.**_

**(We stitch these wounds – Black veil brides)**

Chapter Six – The Confrontation

**BPOV**

I barely managed to change into jeans, when the knock came that I was waiting for. I grabbed the shirt that lay on the floor and pulled it over my head on my way to the door. Realizing then, that it was an off the shoulder shirt but I couldn't change into something else, because the pounding on the door got louder and louder. I swallowed hard, rubbing my forehead. I felt a headache coming.

My heart was pounding painfully hard as I walked towards the door. It felt as if I was being sucked in by the door, and I found myself wishing that the door was some sort of time-warp, where it'll suck me in and take me to another time and place. Far away from this confrontation.

I sighed as my hand rested on the doorknob. I took a deep breath, and I opened the door slowly.

My eyes met his death-glare and I almost choked. I'd never seen Edward this mad…

His emerald eyes were menacing as he glared down at me, and I swallowed again.

"Where is he?" he barked as he tried to step past me, but I half-closed the door so he couldn't get past me.

He looked at my arm that was in the way of him entering my apartment and then looked back at me.

"Move your arm, Bella" he ordered.

"You don't get to order me around, Edward" I answered snidely.

"Move your arm" he ordered again through clenched teeth, "if you still want it attached to your body" he threatened.

My eyes widened in shock at this new, rude as fuck, Edward Cullen. My arm dropped from the doorframe and he stepped past me to enter my apartment. I clenched my jaw while I slammed the door shut. The sound echoed through the apartment.

"Just who the hell do you think you are?" I yelled to his back as I followed him into the living room. It wasn't hard to find your way around my apartment as it had a small hallway, a living room, tiny kitchen, one bathroom and three bedrooms. Now, this was more than Rose and I could afford but we had no other choice to take it.

"I want to see my son" he demanded.

"You can't just show up and demand to see him" I said as calmly as I was capable off.

Edward slowly turned around to face me. His jaw was even more rigid than when I saw him at the club. His eyes were blazing with fire, and I presumed that it had everything to do with the fact that he was furious. His hands that hung next to his body were clenched into fists. I saw how hard it was for him to hold himself back. I raised my chin an inch and stood steadfast before him.

"I came to see my son, Bella" he said again, in a tone that suggested he wouldn't leave until his demands were met. I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.

"And you thought you'll just waltz in here and…what?" I laughed, waving my hands in the air, "Sing _la-di-da_ to him and everything will be fine. He'll call you daddy and you'll wrap your fucking arms around him, and you'll have the perfect father-son-relationship" my voice dripped with sarcasm. He cocked one eyebrow and his lips pressed together in a flat line.

"You can drop that sarcastic tone, Bella" he hissed.

"Edward, you can't just come here and demand to see him. He is nine years old, and to be honest with you" I sighed, "if he sees you like this, he'll be scared to death of you"

"Please!" he sneered. "You just love that you're holding all the fucking cards"

"I know what is best for my son. And, yeah, I'll call the fucking shots" I spat back.

"I don't think so"

"If you want to see Tristan, I suggest that you start accepting that fact" I threatened.

My heart thrashed in my chest when he treaded towards me. He came to a halt in front of me and we almost stood chest to chest. His shoulders raised and fell from breathing hard, his nostrils flared and I could smell the scent of alcohol on his breath when it wafted over my face. The scent was overwhelming, and no, not from the alcohol, but from the familiarity of his breath. One would think that I would have forgotten everything about Edward in ten years; but the truth hit me like a fucking train…everything about him was never forgotten, only buried deep. Too deep!

"Don't you dare threaten me?" he hissed into my face. It took me a minute to remember what was important here, and with Tristan right in the center of my brain, it wasn't that hard to bring my thoughts back to perspective.

"What are you going to do?" I asked dryly. I challenged him with my eyes while his eyes speared mine.

"I'm not going to do anything to you," he answered derisively. His eyes scared me and I wanted to get away from him, but for the hell of me, I couldn't move my feet to step away from him. It was as if my feet were cemented into the floor.

"Since you're the one holding all the cards, you're going to tell me everything about my son before I meet him." He swallowed hard. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down, and a muscle worked in his jaw as if he was grinding his teeth. I relaxed a little when he admitted that I was the one calling the shots.

The heat of his body so close to mine seeped into me, and I'm suddenly all too aware of him. I noticed that his eyes were hard and cold and they had a few faint lines around them – which reminded me that he wasn't twenty one anymore. His hair was the only thing that stayed the same; a bronze, messy perfection that fell over his forehead. He never had the patience to tame them.

My heart started to beat a little faster as unwanted memories started to push to the front. My memory sure as hell hadn't done him justice, I'd almost forgotten how fucking beautiful he was, and I've also seemed to have forgotten how easily my body reacted towards him. My insides are a fucking mess, because they don't know what to do; what they're fucking functions are. He had me completely brainwashed, and my brain couldn't send orders to other parts of my body. I shook my head to get some clarity away from Edward.

Out of my periphery I saw his hands come up and suddenly clasped my forearms. I winced a little at the contact; I realized that the electric currents had never died and that his touch still had the power to bring my heart back to life. And then I felt his grip, it was a little too tight and he was actually hurting me.

"But first, you're going to tell me why the fuck you kept him away from me!" he said slowly, yet venomously as his grip tightened.

That's when I saw red and Ipushed my hands into his chest, and pushed him away from me.

"Don't ever touch me again" I hissed in anger. It took every ounce of strength I had not to rip his throat out – or at least tried. My flesh ached and burned from where his fingers bored into, a few seconds ago, and no, not in a good way. It hurt like hell and I'm pretty sure that his paws would leave their mark on my skin.

"So, let's hear it" he prompted, completely ignoring my outburst.

"Hear what?" I acted stupid. _Grow up Bella_, I chastised myself, _you're acting like a child._

"Don't act dumb" he said in irritation. "Why the fuck did you keep him away from me?"

"You're going to blame this entire situation on me?" I exclaimed. "What about the fact that you chose your band over me? Or, the fact that you refused to marry me" as soon as the words left my mouth, I realized how desperate I sounded. And I thought back to ten years ago, and realized how desperate I seemed by demanding him to marry me.

"I don't give a fuck about any of that" he threw his arms in the air, "it didn't give you the right to keep him away from me" he pointed his finger at me. His eyes almost turned black from fury. I took a few steps away from Edward.

_**Every word you whisper  
All the tears you hide  
You die for love when it's alive  
But where does love go when it dies**_

"Of course you don't give a fuck" I screamed back, "you never gave a fuck about me. Why would you have given a fuck about my pregnancy?" I yelled. I was so close to tears, and even closer to breaking down before this man.

"I never said I didn't give a fuck about you" he yelled furiously. His lips and chin quivered from anger. His left eye jumped repeatedly. He turned around and raked his fingers through his hair in aggravation. "I can't believe you kept him from me…deliberately kept him from me"

"Stop making this about you" I stomped my foot in irritation.

"Is he here?' he asked with his back still facing me. He slowly turned around, but his eyes scanned my apartment.

He started looking around, and the more he looked around the paler he got. I knew that he was filthy rich and probably had everything his black fucking heart wanted, but to look around my home in disgust made me furious.

"Rose took them to my Dad's" I answered flatly. I swore I saw a hint of pity in those black, furious eyes, but I chose to ignore it. Our confrontation was already all over the place; jumping from our past to Tristan and then back to our past. I had no intention of bringing my pour-ass apartment into the argument, or the fact that I'm no rich bitch.

After my performance, I found numerous missed calls on my cellphone from Rose, and instantly knew something was wrong. When I called her back, she was hysterical and explained everything that had happened between her and Emmett. I hadn't even a clue they knew each other, but Rose promised to explain everything later. I rushed home, risking Izzy to be exposed because I hadn't even changed before I left.

"Always running to Daddy" he sneered again. His venomous voice brought me back to the present, and all thoughts about Rose disappeared. I hated that he had brought my father into this argument. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Fuck you" I yelled, "I knew you would come here as soon as Emmett told you and there was no way in hell that I would let my son see you in this state"

"Our son, Bella. He is not just your son"

"He is my damn son" I stomped my foot again, "until you prove to be a good father, he will be my son"

I knew I was being a bitch but I was angry at this man. Angry that he rejected me, angry that he came into my home, and thought he had some sort of claim on my son.

"Who's fucking fault is it that I wasn't a part of his life?" he yelled.

The bitter taste of my guilt was almost enough to eclipse my anger and hatred. Almost! It was the first time I had felt pure and unadulterated hatred towards this man. It raced through my veins like a wildfire, gaining more and more intensity with each passing second.

"Your own damn fault, Edward" I screamed out, "ten years ago you were so fucking selfish, and you literally pushed me out of your perfect little life. I put myself out there that morning, I fucking told you how I felt, and what was going on inside my heart but you didn't give a shit." I felt the tears prick my eyes but I swallowed the fuckers away.

"Bella-"

"No, shut up and listen" I interrupted him, "obviously, I had no idea I was pregnant when I walked out of that hotel room. I think I would have done things differently even if it was just for the sake of my baby, but when I found out, I knew I couldn't go back to you. Back then I was always second in your life; with your fucking guitar and your perfect little band always being first. I refused to put my baby through that, and I refused to let my baby be on every damn magazine cover for the rest of his life." I scraped my fingers through my hair, gripping hard. "Plus, you said that you weren't sure about the whole children-thing"

"Yeah, I remember. But what the fuck in that sentence told you that I _never_ wanted children?" he yelled back just as furious. Again, we were standing chest to chest; each other's anger seeping onto one another, just fuelling it even more.

I swallowed hard.

"If you weren't sure at that moment, how could you have changed your mind in just six weeks? I just figured that you would always be the band-guy and that family will come last every damn time" I sunk back at the murderous glare he gave me.

"You should have given me that choice. You fucking deprived me of a choice to be a part of my son's life, because once again, you were fucking selfish in your decision making" he fumed.

The air left my lungs in an almighty whoosh as if he physically punched me in the gut. That was the crux of my guilt. For Tristan's sake, I should at least have given his father the choice to be a part his life, but I let my own fears and selfish needs take precedence over Tristan's needs, figuring that he didn't need a father. Because I didn't need Edward, I selfishly decided that my son wouldn't need him as well.

"I'm sorry" I felt my chin wobble as a sob started building in my throat, but I swallowed repeatedly. I won't break down before this man; I won't give him that satisfaction. I might have been wrong about my decision to keep him away from Tristan but I weren't wrong in my choice to walk out of that fancy hotel room.

His face was ashen, and I saw that I were not the only one trembling, however, I knew the cause of our tremors differed greatly. Edward's were clearly fuelled by anger while mine was motivated by an enormous amount of guilt.

"Don't you dare say you're fucking sorry!" he yelled. "Sorry won't cut it" he tugged on his hair again.

"This isn't getting us anywhere" I sighed; exhaustion filled my entire body. I had no strength to keep arguing in circles. We were clearly controlled by our anger and it was more than clear that we wouldn't sort anything out tonight.

"I wouldn't have found out about my son had I not run into you last night" it sounded more like a statement than a question, so I kept my mouth shut. He was probably right. He stared at me and his eyes widened at the realization of what he just stated.

"Answer that question" he ordered.

"Oh, I didn't realize that it was a question" I sighed, "We'll never know, will we?" I answered truthfully. I had no idea what the future held. Tristan thought his father was dead, so I don't know if I would have told Edward the truth, if I hadn't run into him last night.

"Does he even know about me?" he asked so sadly that my heart almost cracked open. Almost!

"We've talked about you" I simply answered without any emotion.

We were so close to each other and I wondered how the fuck we kept ending up chest to chest. It was as if he had some magnetic pull that kept pulling me towards him.

"Fuck" he raked his fingers through his hair again. He gripped and tugged everywhere, and left his hair standing in all kinds of directions.

I looked up towards his hair that was now pulled in all kinds of directions, and a flood of memories appeared in front of me, which reminded me of the times we made love and I used to grip his hair tightly, and left it completely messy.

What the fuck was that? Those memories evoked a traitorous zing of arousal to course through me. I shook my head again, before I clasped my hands together and refused to meet his eyes.

I chewed the inside of my cheek and narrowed my eyes. I hate my body's reaction to him…after all these years my body still wanted him. Thank goodness my body, my heart and my mind had different ideas on what they wanted and needed. My heart sure as hell doesn't want him or need him neither does my mind. And fuck my body if it thought it was going to overpower my heart and mind. It's two against one…

"I'm his father and you've _talked_ about me?" he sounded exasperated. "Should I fucking thank you?" he sneered in sarcasm.

"Would you have preferred I never mention you?" I threw back.

"I would have preferred you being honest with me from the start" his anger has slightly dissipated but I could tell he had a really hard time keeping himself calm.

_**Stack the mistakes you've made on top **_

_**of the lies to hide them**_

_**Your excuses just don't add up**_

"Look, Tristan is the main priority here, and you going on and on about how I lied and what the fuck ever, isn't bringing us anywhere" I stated the obvious.

"And that's why I came here," he agreed, "For Tristan. I want to see my son, Bella. I want to meet him"

"When?" I asked and his eyes widened. "I won't keep you away from him any longer, Edward" I added before he could side-track our conversation again.

"Why should I trust you, Bella? How do I know you won't disappear overnight?"

"Like I said before, if you want to see Tristan, you don't have a choice but to trust me" I wanted to smile at the fact that I'm holding all the cards, and that he can't just snap his fingers and expect me to jump.

"Why does that sound like a threat?" he smirked. I had a feeling that this man will fight to the death to be in Tristan's life.

If only he had felt like that about me ten years ago…

"I'm not threatening you, Edward. You have to trust me if you want to see Tristan" I said again.

"Bella" he said slowly, "you don't get to keep him away from me anymore. Do you understand what I'm saying? I won't let you keep me out of his life…I will fucking do anything in my power-"

"Don't threaten me, Edward Cullen"

"I'm simply saying that you've kept him away for nine years…no more, do you hear me, no more!"

The intensity in his eyes made me uncomfortable. I swallowed hard and finally moved away from him…far away. I leaned on the wall on the other side of the room, where I felt much more comfortable. Edward's scent wasn't around me and I could almost think clearly.

"You have to calm down. You can't just show up, act like a fucking maniac, and then demand to see him. Tristan comes first and regardless the situation between you and me, you have to remember that he is a little boy and you don't want to scar him for life by acting like a beast, ready to kill his prey."

He pondered on what I said for a moment before he met my gaze across the room. Seemingly calmer he spoke again.

"I wasn't thinking when I drove here. I should have calmed down before I came but I was so…so" he jabbed his fingers into his hair and squeezed his eyes shut, and inhaled deeply.

"I get that you're angry-" he opened one of his eyes and I held my hands up, "okay, I get that you're furious, but you had no right to barge in here the way you have"

"I have to go" he said with blazing eyes staring back at me. I gaped at him…

"It's clear that this won't be resolved tonight; I'm all over the place. I'm too…fucking furious" he gritted through his teeth. It seemed to me that he had a difficult time using the word 'furious'. "But I'll be back, Bella" he added quickly and I narrowed my eyes.

"Why the fuck does that sound like a threat?"

"Because it is" he smiled and it irked me. "I will find you wherever you go"

"I'm not going anywhere"

"I'll come back tomorrow-"

"I'm going to Charlie's tomorrow" I interrupted him.

"Monday morning then"

"I hope you've calmed down before then because I won't go through another three hour confrontation just to get fucking nowhere"

"I'll see you Monday" he ignored my sentence completely. He started making his way to my door, and I followed in silence.

"I'm warning you now, Bella. If you do anything to try to stop me from seeing him, I will fight you." He paused, before he added, "Through the courts if I have to."

With that he opened the door and slammed it shut behind him. I pressed my back to the door and slid to the floor sobbing. My tears were not only fuelled by bitterness and rage but by the awful knowledge that despite everything he had done to me, there was still a part of me that wanted him.

_**If you woke up from your sleep blood on your hands  
Would you wash the pain away no one understands  
There must be someone out there who can help you breathe again  
And would it ever be enough**_

_**(Where does love go when it dies – Def Leppard)**_

A/N: I know I'm a bit late with the update…I'm sorry, I had a hectic week. I didn't get a chance to reply to reviews, I'll get to that this week. Thanks to everyone for reading my story, for every favorite and every follow. You guys are amazing. Those of you who take the time to review; THANKS a MILLION. Much love 3

This was the first part of their confrontation…they still have a lot to talk about but I figured that Edward was pissed and Bella still had ten years of unresolved shit in her head and they wouldn't come to some sort of compromise at this stage. They are so angry towards one another and I think they still have a lot to resolve.

What did you think? Oh, I know some of you are so pissed at Edward right now but if you re-read the preface chapter, he didn't say that he NEVER wanted children; he said he wasn't sure as it was a big step to take. I just wanted to clear that up. I'm sure a lot of people aren't sure about children at the age of twenty one, especially men.

Okay, the next chapter is a very long one; a lot to cover before Bella and Edward meet again. Hope you don't mind the long chapters!


	8. Chapter Seven - A lot of conversations

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics in this chapter belong to: Thorns – Demon Hunter **

**Let it die – Three Days Grace**

** Again I go unnoticed – Dashboard Confessional**

** Tangled in the great escape – Pierce the Veil**

**Don't get confused in this chapter. The Bella POV's are the day after her confrontation with Edward. The Edward POV's are the same night of their confrontation. This is a long chapter…enjoy!**

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**_

Chapter Seven – A lot of conversations

**BPOV**

_**Every line, a path into an empty heart**_

_**Where the words of now forgotten love**_

_**Fall silent in the dark**_

_**(Thorns – Demon Hunter)**_

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the dark contours of Jacob's chest. I was snuggled into his side, my arms wrapped around his waist, and his face was nestled in my hair. One of his arms was draped over my side. I shifted a little bit and gazed up at Jacob's face. He looked to be sleeping soundly and peacefully as well.

I called Jake after Edward had left, not wanting to be alone. Of course, my fiancé rushed over to keep me company. I had to tell him about Edward's visit because I was clearly upset. Plus, he knew something was wrong when my children weren't at home.

I snuggled closer to Jake and placed a kiss on his bare chest. His arms tightened around me, and I knew he was about to open his dark brown eyes and look at me with love and adoration. The love Jake had for me was indescribable; it left me speechless every time he professed his love. The way he would look at me made my stomach turn…

I wish I could feel so strongly about him, too. I wish I could give him my entire heart; not a broken-beyond-repair heart. I wish Edward Cullen wasn't the person that held my heart for so long now.

_**This is not what I want,**_

_**but now it's what I need.**_

_**Can I just have one more taste?**_

_**Just to make it through the day...**_

I shook my head a little to get rid of the shit that was brewing inside. Edward Cullen was dangerous territory. Especially after I saw him last night; I always believed that some part of me was over Edward Cullen. I believed that he had no hold on me whatsoever, and that I didn't need him. Last night, I found that my body was a fucking traitor. I craved his presence, even though he was fuming with anger. The way he used to make me feel by just being in the same room, hadn't changed at all. His scent was everywhere and filled my nostrils. No matter how much hatred I had inside my heart for him, or how much my mind reminded me what he had done to me, my body wanted him. The electricity was still there…and fuck me, it was as powerful as ten years ago.

No, none of that matters, because I made a promise to Jake; a promise to marry him, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

"I love waking up with you curled into my side" his voice sounded raspy as he whispered into my hair before he planted a kiss on my head.

I smiled against his chest; imagining his full lips against my head, and his white teeth barely showing as a lazy smile spread across his face. I was going to focus on Jake and Jake alone. My body had to listen to my mind.

"Me, too" I kissed his chest again, "especially naked"

His fingers trialed up and down my side, "yes, especially the naked-part" he chuckled. He turned us around and laid with half his body over mine.

"What the fuck is this?" he suddenly fumed. My eyes widened when Jake's eyes turned black from fury.

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion when I saw him staring at my arms. He sat up and pulled me with him as he gently took my arm in his warm hand, and slowly raised my arm. I looked down to see what he was referring to, and I gasped loudly when I saw the purple marks across my forearms. I quickly looked at the other arm, resembling the same markings.

I looked up at Jake's furious face and gulped. They weren't there last night…

"Did Cullen do this to you?" he hissed. Jake gently rubbed the bruises as if he wanted to erase them by his touch.

"He didn't do it on purpose"

"Don't you dare defend that fucker" he yelled, "I'll kill him for this" he fumed.

"Jake," I swallowed, "we had an argument, he must've done it in the heat of the moment. We were both so furious and out of it"

"Bella" he said slowly, "there's not a good enough excuse in this world for him touching you like that" Jake was furious. I decided to keep my mouth shut, because it did sound like I was making excuses for Edward.

"You're right" I agreed.

"He will not touch you again" Jake promised, "ever!"

I gasped when Jake looked directly into my eyes; his eyes turned from fury to passion, leaving his eyes with a goldenly brown, something I've never seen with Jake before. He gently cradled me in his arms, kissing every bruise Edward left on my arms, and after Jake swore to me that he wouldn't let anyone hurt me ever again, he made passionate love to me. He kept kissing every single bruise Edward left on my arms, and tears pricked my eyes at the amount of love I felt in his kisses and touches. Jake had me screaming his name in a matter of seconds.

I always felt guilty when Jake showed me so much love and tenderness, because he deserved the same. He deserved someone who can love him unconditionally, someone whose heart hadn't been broken before, someone who wasn't damaged…

I still remember the first time Jake and I made love; it was scary as hell, and we had to stop quite a few times when a few panic attacks threatened to take over. Even though I couldn't remember what the fuck happened to me, it made everything so much worse. The blackness about that night was enough to almost destroy my life, but Jake took his time with me and was very patient. I remember how he talked me through everything he did, it helped me to stay calm and reminded me of whom I was with. He never rushed anything, and it made me love him so much more; but not nearly as much as he loved me.

"_**We had fire in our eyes, in the beginning**_

_**I've never felt so alive, in the beginning**_

_**You blame me but it's not fair when you say that I didn't try**_

_**I just don't wanna hear it anymore**_

_**I swear I never meant to let it die"**_

_**(Let it die – Three days grace)**_

**EPOV**

"Where the hell have you been" Tanya yelled as soon as I closed the door behind me. I ducked just in time as a stiletto boot flew past my head. I looked at the boot, which had a motherfucker heal, and then slowly looked up to meet the eyes of a furious looking Tanya. Her hands rested on her hips, and her one foot tapped in an annoying rhythm on the floor.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I asked. I was in no mood for her shit; I just found out I had a nine year old son, and I had a really long argument with said son's mother. All I really wanted to do now was to down a bottle of Jack. I wanted to try and numb this fucking pain in my chest.

Tanya held her index finger up, which told me to shut up. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Tanya" I hissed through clenched teeth, "don't ever attempt to throw me with anything, ever again" I placed my hands on my hips, and I looked at her through narrowed eyes, "and don't point your fucking finger at me"

I stormed past her to our room, fuming with rage. I pulled my jacket off with force and threw it on the stool that stood in the corner of the room. I raked my fingers through my hair before I pulled my shirt over my head. I was in no mood for Tanya's shit tonight…

"Who the hell is Bella?" she asked as she entered the room. I froze, absolutely stunned at her knowledge of Bella.

My eyes widened, and I'm pretty sure I paled, because I felt the blood drain from my body. My hand automatically reached for my chest, trailing my fingers over the tattoo I had done ten years ago…no way, Tanya couldn't have figured it out.

"By the expression on your face, I would say she's pretty fucking important" Tanya sneered, taking tiny steps towards me. Her eyes looked down at my hand, which was still covering the tattoo. Her lips formed an 'o' as realization sunk in…

"That's what the tattoo is all about" she stated, "I've always wondered what the hidden meaning behind that tattoo was"

"I'm not doing this tonight" I said in irritation as I made my way back to living room. I heard her following me, and I sighed loudly. This is such a fucking mess…I knew that I had to tell her about Bella, especially now, with the fact that I had a son. I just didn't figure that we would have had this conversation tonight. I felt emotionally drained from my talk with Bella.

"I'm right about the tattoo, aren't I?" she asked.

"Tanya" I sighed, "can we talk about this in the morning-"

"Fuck, no," she yelled. "Who the fuck is Bella, Edward?" she screamed. She was almost hysterical, and I sighed again. This was going to be a long night.

"How do you know about Bella?" I asked the first obvious question. Her eyes locked on my tattoo for a few seconds before she looked back at me, looking completely empty. There was no way she could have figured the tattoo out; only someone who knew Bella could maybe figure the tattoo out…a big maybe!

"I overheard you and Emmett talking about her" she answered, bringing me out of my own thoughts, "does it matter?" she asked.

My eyes pierced Tanya's as I stared at her without any emotion, "Bella was my girlfriend" I answered. I refused to elaborate and would only tell her parts of my life with Bella. There was no need for her to know every crucial little detail.

"From when?" she asked.

"Ten years ago" I answered robotically as I dragged my feet past her to the liquor cabinet. I needed something strong to get me through this conversation.

"Why did you keep it a secret? All this time…" her voice died at the end.

I poured myself a drink and took little sips before I turned around to face her. She stood with her back towards me; her shoulders a little slumped forward. I knew I've hurt her by keeping Bella a secret, my secret, but at that moment, I couldn't care less. I had so much shit to think about, and Tanya not knowing about Bella all these years, was a fucking minor. I never cheated on Tanya, and the fact that I knew Bella wasn't ever coming back to me, made my decision in not telling Tanya so much easier…I had nothing to feel guilty about.

"I kept it a secret to avoid this exact conversation" I answered eventually. "She was my ex-girlfriend and it was none of your business"

That was only part of the truth. I hid the truth from her to avoid her constantly bringing Bella up. But I also hid it from her because I knew, deep down, that there was no way in hell I could tell anyone about Bella without falling apart. And if I was being completely honest to myself, I had to admit that I had never gotten over Bella, and I was afraid that everyone would've seen it.

"You never spoke about her," she slowly turned around. Tears swam in her eyes, "why?" she asked.

"She was the past"

"Bullshit, Edward" Tanya fumed. Her tears overflowed the brims of her eyes and slowly rolled down her cheeks.

"Would you have wanted to hear about her every day?" I asked sarcastically. "Would you have wanted to know every sordid fucking detail about our life before you strolled along? Or, would you have wanted to know about all the wonderful times we've had? Would that have made you feel better? Or, less insecure?" I spat furiously. My anger fumed through my veins.

Her face paled and her eyes widened.

"No, but it would have been nice to know that there was a girl before me"

"Why would it have been nice?" I asked. "It would have ruined us, Tanya" I groaned. "Have I ever asked you about any of your ex-boyfriends?"

She only shook her head. "But I never kept anything from you"

"And like I told you all those times before, it had nothing to do with me. It was in your past"

She looked at me for a few seconds without saying anything, and I met her every stare.

"How long were you together?" she finally looked to the floor to avoid my eyes. I clenched my jaw in absolute frustration.

"I've known Bella since we were six years old…"

"You're evading the question" she whispered.

"No, I'm not. I've known since I was six years old, that I wanted to be with her…the rest is irrelevant" I dragged my free hand through my hair before I downed my drink, "or, would you like to know when we fucked for the first time."

Her shoulders shook a little, and I knew she was crying. I couldn't see her face as she kept staring at the floor, but I knew her. Right now, while staring at that floor, she bit her lip to keep her sobs from coming out. She was gathering strength to face me without crying in front me, because to Tanya, it was a sign of weakness. There's no place for pussy's in this world, she always said.

"You still love her" she stated. There was silence for a long time; silence from her side while waiting for me to answer, and silence from my side because I couldn't answer that question truthfully. I would have had to lie and I wasn't sure I could have pulled it off tonight. After a few minutes of silence, she finally looked up and the coldness in her eyes made her ice blue irises even icier. "Well…" she prompted snidely.

I looked away from her eyes, swallowing painfully hard. "I don't know" I answered and refused to look at her.

"You don't know?" she said exasperated, "that's just great" she rubbed her forehead forcefully.

I don't think that I would ever get over Bella. She would always be the owner of my heart. I couldn't lie about that, not tonight.

"I have a nine year old son" I blabbered without thinking.

Her eyes sunk deep into their sockets, and her mouth opened and closed without actual sounds escaping. I knew the feeling; I still had a hard time believing that this was real and no fucking dream.

"You…well…me…" her words formed no sentences.

"Before you think that I've kept him a secret from you, I only found out tonight. Bella kept him from me" I said.

"I can't deal with this, or with you. Please, give me some time to figure this out" she said terrified.

I could only stare at her and nod, because I had nothing to offer her. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to go on with our relationship.

I had a son, whom I haven't even met, yet, but already felt this overwhelming love inside my heart for him.

"I'll be in Alice and Jasper's hotel room" I simply said. I went to our bedroom to get dressed, and then I packed my shit. Tanya waited for me by the door.

"You're not flying back to LA tomorrow morning, are you?" she asked, but it sounded more like a statement.

I shook my head slowly, "I'm meeting with Bella on Monday to make arrangements to see my son. I have to be back in LA by the weekend, though, so, I'll call you with my flight details-"

"I'm sorry for kicking you out, but I can't see you right now. I need to calm down and get everything into perspective" she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I understand" I said, "besides, I wanted to go talk to Alice anyways"

"I love you, Edward" she said before she kissed me. My lips felt frozen, and it felt like I would betray my heart if I would've kissed her back. I cleared my throat as I pulled away from her.

_**Close lipped**_

_**Another goodnight kiss**_

_**is robbed of all its passion,**_

_**Your grip,**_

_**another time, is slack**_

_**It leaves me feeling empty.**_

**BPOV**

"Mommy" my daughter's melodic voice whispered softly. I raised my head to meet her brown eyes, and I smiled at her. She was so beautiful.

"Yes" I whispered just as softly, back to her. She clasped her tiny hands over her mouth and giggled.

"Today was a good day at Grandpa Charlie's" she said, still giggling. I chuckled as I scooped her up from the bed and into my arms, twirling her around. Her laughter filled my room, and it came alive with magical symphonies of all sorts. My children kept me alive all this time…they filled the cracks in my heart to the point where I felt whole – almost complete.

"It sure was" I laughed.

My thoughts went to this morning after Jake left, and I drove to Forks. Charlie was all worried when I arrived at his house, demanding to know what the hell was going on.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**_

I arrived at Charlie's early this morning. My children were still sleeping when I entered the familiar white house. Nothing changed; the kitchen was still yellow, my room was still purple and Charlie was still sleeping in front of the TV every night. But, this was my home. The home I grew up in, where everything felt familiar and safe. The home I ran to ten years ago when I had nowhere else to go…

Charlie looked worried while I fixed myself a cup of coffee. I sighed.

"What's up Dad?" I finally asked as I took a seat at the kitchen table. Charlie laid his arms on the table and clasped his hands together in front of him.

"Your best friend arrived late last night with my grandchildren with some vague excuse about Cullen, and you're asking _me_ what's up?" he cocked one eyebrow, "What the hell happened last night?"

"I just wanted to get my kids out of the apartment before Edward came over" I shrugged. "I knew Edward was going to be pissed-"

"Did that son of a bitch hurt you?" he hissed.

"No, dad" I shook my head, but felt the blush covering my cheeks at the lie I'd told. I thought about the bruises on my arms, and cringed at the thought of Charlie finding out about it.

"Tell me what happened between you and Cullen" he asked.

I sighed before I started telling him about Edward's visit; everything except how Edward grabbed my arms. Charlie would kill him…

"What are you going to do?" he asked. Concern was clearly etched on his face, and I hate that I had him worried.

"I don't have a choice but to let him see Tristan" I said. My hands folded around the cup as I brought it to my lips. "Besides, Tris really wants to meet Edward"

"I know," he said and started to explain when he saw the question in my eyes "he's been talking about Edward non-stop" Charlie added. I placed the cup back on the table before I met Charlie's gaze. His eyes pierced mine, as if he was searching for some kind of hidden emotion.

"I've been so wrong to keep them apart, Dad. Edward is furious that I've lied to him" I swallowed, "but I couldn't go back to him knowing that he didn't want me. He never even tried to find me…maybe-"

"You did what you thought was the right thing for Tristan. Edward made his choice back then"

"Still, I should have told him about Tristan. The look in my son's eyes when I told him that Edward was alive will haunt me forever. So much heartache-"

"You should stop tormenting yourself over this shit. What's done is done" he rubbed his moustache, "you have nothing to feel guilty about. You have given that boy more love than I ever thought was possible, and Tristan loves you, Bells"

"I know he does, and that's what makes this so much harder. I've hurt my little boy because I was afraid to see Edward again. I was afraid that I will lose my son"

"Bella," he whispered, "stop blaming yourself over this and start focusing on Tristan, and how you're going to handle him meeting Edward. You can't change the past" he said.

"I wish I had known I was pregnant before I left him"

"And what?" Charlie ranted, "What would you have done? Stayed with him just because you were pregnant with his baby"

My eyes widened, "Dad, chill" I gasped.

"He chose a stupid guitar over you, Bella" he yelled, "why would a baby have made a difference?"

"What the hell is up with you?" I asked with widened eyes.

Charlie looked everywhere except at me. "I can't stand to see you so broken over this situation. You did nothing wrong, and Edward should think twice before he blames you"

"I don't give a shit about Edward" I yelled, furious now. "I hurt my son by keeping him away from his father, don't you get that? I don't care what I've done to Edward, but the fact that I've hurt my son fucking kills me"

"I get that-"

"Do you? Because all I hear is that I shouldn't worry about Edward, or what Edward thinks of me" I threw my arms in the air.

"I'm sorry" he sighed.

"I just want everyone to know that I don't give a fuck how much I've hurt Edward Cullen. He destroyed my life when he basically chose his band over me, so what goes around comes around" I sighed. I rubbed my eyes viciously; I was tired. I haven't slept since I ran into Edward at _Twilight_. "I'm just worried about Tristan, Dad"

"He's fine, Bells, I promise you"

I guess Charlie was right. My son seemed fine the other night when we had our talk, and I remember how excited he was when I told him that I would arrange for him to meet Edward. Tristan is my number one priority, and I would kill Edward if he hurt my son.

Charlie's outburst bugged me. Something else that bugged me was the guilt in Charlie's eyes. Why would he feel guilty about anything; he did nothing wrong.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**_

"Let's get you into the bath" I said, as my daughter's giggles brought me back to the present.

"Ah, mommy, no" she complained. I chuckled, poking her in her tummy.

"Yes, yes, yes" I said while planting kisses all over her face.

"Can't I-"

"No, you can't" I quickly interrupted her.

"But you don't even know what I was going to ask" she pouted.

"I know that it was something that will get you out of bathing" I chuckled. She frowned the cutest little frown as she placed her forefinger on her lips, and rolled her eyes to the left as if she was thinking about something. She burst into a fit of giggles before she cupped my cheeks a little too tightly, molding my lips to look like a fish's.

"You're so clever, mommy" she planted a wet kiss on my fish-lips.

Abbey had no problem walking around in PJ's and with morning breath; she is quite the little monster when it comes to bathing and dressing. She wants to wake up properly, as she would put it, before she even attempts to dress herself. Abbey is not a morning person, and I usually struggle to get her to do anything in the mornings. Nowadays, she was difficult in the evenings as well; giving me a hell of a hard time to bath. Tristan on the other hand, hated the idea of walking around in his PJ's, and with morning breath. He would get up in the morning, get dressed, and then brush his teeth and wash his face.

Tristan was a star, though, as he would help me to get her ready in the mornings. It's funny to think that she listens to her brother. The way they interact with each other amazed me every day.

"It's my job to be smart" I answered my daughter.

"You can run the water so long" she wiggled out of my arms before she added; "while I go ask Aunty Rosie something" she tried to wink but failed miserably. I chuckled while she ran out of my room. This was yet another attempt to get out of the bathing ritual. I sighed.

Rose and I had a long talk this morning at Charlie's. I had to know how she knew Emmett and why she kept it from me. My mind went back to this morning after I spoke to Charlie.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**_

"Morning" I said, tapping my foot in irritation.

"Please tell me that I'm dreaming" Rose whispered hoarsely. She covered her eyes with her arms and moaned loudly.

I shook my head even though she couldn't see me.

She raised her arms an inch and peeked back at me. I rolled my eyes.

"No, Rosalie, you are not dreaming"

"You're mad" she stated with a sigh.

"No shit" my voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Bells, I'm sorry" she apologized, sitting upright in the bed. I shook my head again before I took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"How do you know Emmett?" I asked.

"I met him a few weeks ago. He was so handsome and amazing...it was literally love at first sight" she looked down, "I never realized he was one of _the _Cullen's" she emphasized.

"You never said anything about a guy?" I accused. Why would she have kept the fact that she met a guy secret? We're best friends; we shared everything.

"I wanted to make sure he was legitimate, you know, like the real thing?" she smiled. "I always pick shitty men, and I wasn't sure if Emmett was one of those shitty men"

I gulped. I knew he wasn't one of those shitty men. Emmett was a great guy…

"Off all the luck in the world" I whispered.

"He told me about this band he used to be in, and then he told me about his family, his brother…"

"Edward" I finished her sentence for her, whispering his name softly. She nodded and swallowed.

"I realized that Emmett knew Edward, and I knew I had to let Emmett go. I told him that I never wanted to see him again" her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, Rose" I said softly, reaching for her hand and clasped it between mine. "I'm sorry"

She only shook her head as the tears rolled over the brims. "I really liked him, you know" her voice trembled and her chin wobbled as she was trying not to sob. That must have been so hard for her to walk away from Emmett just because of me.

"Emmett's a great guy" I smiled.

She looked into my eyes and shook her head. She bit down on her bottom lip, "he told his brother about Tristan, even after I begged him not too"

"I can't blame Emmett, Rose. He thought he was doing the right thing, and he did it for his brother"

"I've lost my respect for him" she added, "I can't be with someone like that. He should have waited for you, and talked to you before he stormed off to tell Edward" she sounded heartbroken.

I couldn't believe that Emmett moved to Seattle, and off all the people in the world, he fell for Rosalie, my best friend.

Rosalie had a point; he shouldn't have stormed off and told Edward about Tristan. He could have handled the situation differently; he was an adult for crying out loud. But, I remember how close Emmett and Edward were, and I can somehow understand why he ran off to tell Edward. I had ten years to tell Edward, and I refused to do that, so I can imagine how Emmett saw the entire situation…

"You shouldn't give up on him if you like him so much. Em is a wonderful guy, Rose, and he'll treat you like a princess" I tried to talk some sense into her, but she only shook her head. I had never saw Rose so sad over a man. She must really like Emmett, but I had enough to worry about as it was. I couldn't worry about Rose's love life, too.

**EPOV**

On my way to Alice's room, I kept thinking what was happening between Tanya and me. She asked for time, which I could understand, but what I wasn't sure about was my feelings for her. I'd known for a while that I don't actually love her, and that I had only asked her to marry me because I did not want to be alone anymore. Would I be able to go through with the wedding after I found Bella and my son? Could I marry Tanya and spend eternity with her without love? The answer was so simple; no, I could not. How was I going to deal with it? That's what I needed to think about…

I also needed to work on myself; I don't even know who I was anymore. I have to change for my son's sake…I wanted to be the normal, happy Edward if only for my son.

I'm going to start working on that by talking to my sister. That would be the first step to me changing. My last thought before I knocked on their door was that I hoped it wasn't too late to make peace with Alice. I hoped that we could work everything out and start rebuilding our relationship.

Jasper opened the door and looked surprised to see me.

"This is a surprise" he smiled.

"Can I come in?" I chuckled.

"Yeah, sure" he moved, and I stepped into their suite.

Alice's eyes widened when I appeared in the sitting area where she was watching some fashion show on the flat screen TV.

"Tanya finally kicked your ass out" she sneered and I chuckled.

"Tanya needs a moment" I said, thinking back at Tanya's reaction about everything that had happened tonight. A moment is an understatement.

"A moment?" Alice snarled, "that's a first" she huffed.

"She's pretty pissed off" I chuckled, "she threw me with a stiletto boot" I told Alice. A shiver ran through my body when I recalled the boot almost hitting me in the head. What the fuck was Tanya thinking? Was our relationship on the verge of becoming one of those relationships mixed with domestic violence?

"Why are you here?" Alice asked rudely. She stared at the TV, flicking through the channels before she threw the remote on the coffee table in annoyance.

I sighed, and rubbed the back of my neck.

"I need to talk to you, Ali" her head shot up when I called her by her old nickname. Tears sprung to her eyes and almost immediately rolled over her brims. Her tiny shoulders started shaking uncontrollably as sobs escaped her mouth. I dropped my bag and rushed to her side, on the sofa, and pulled her into my arms.

"No" she yelled, punching her fists into my chest repeatedly. She fought so hard to get out of my grip, but I held her closer, apologizing over and over again. I couldn't contain the tears that flowed down my cheeks when my sister's arms wrapped tightly around my body, and she finally gave in. She gripped my shirt so tightly between her tiny fists as she wept into my chest.

I had no idea how long we sat like that, but when we finally let go of one another, I felt content. I realized that we had a long way to go, but I was willing to do anything to fix my relationship with Alice. I needed to fix it!

"I missed you so much" I whispered hoarsely while I gently touched her wet cheek. She leaned into my hand and closed her eyes.

"I'm so tired, Edward" she whispered. I knew she not only meant that physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. It pained me to know I did that to her. It was my fault that Alice went through shit…

"Ali, I know nothing I ever say will rectify the wrong I've done to you, or Jasper" I swallowed hard as my emotions wanted to take over again, "but I'm so fucking sorry for pushing you away. I'm sorry for hurting you"

"You almost killed me" she whispered, "Jasper pulled me through some serious shit after Bella left. It pained me to lose Bella but it nearly killed me to lose you, too, Edward" she leaned her head on her hand, staring straight into my eyes.

"I was so consumed by my own shit that I never realized just how much I've hurt you by pushing you away. I'll never forgive myself, so I won't even ask you to forgive me"

"Edward, I love you so much. You are my brother, and I never gave up on you. I hoped that you would pull through and get over Bella, but I knew you will always love her…"

"Ali-"

"I've watched you torture yourself every day, and there were times that I've hated Bella so much" she hissed. "I wanted to help you-"

"It wasn't Bella's fault. I had some fault as well" I defended Bella. "I couldn't stand the pity. I pushed everyone away because I couldn't take the love everybody had for me, and I wanted everyone to hurt the way I was hurting" I explained. "Emmett was the only one who kept coming back"

I shook my head when I remembered how my siblings used to come to my room every day. I yelled at them and called them names. After a while, Alice and Jasper stayed away. And to this day, I can still remember the hurt expression on Alice's face when I yelled at her that last time she ever tried to help me. But not Emmett, no, Emmett kept coming back. I remember how he punched me in the face after I acted like a dick…that was the last time I treated Emmett like shit, and let him in. That's when I started living again…or at least attempt to have a life.

"I couldn't stand to see you in so much pain. When you started being a bastard to me, I actually welcomed it" she admitted something I never knew. "I wanted to help you so badly, but couldn't bear to see you in so much pain"

"I never realized" I shook my head.

"You weren't the only one who acted like a coward" she smiled.

"I realize it will take some time to get to where we were, ten years ago, but I will do anything to get to that point" I said with determination.

"So will I" she agreed, nodding her head.

I remembered about Jasper, and started looking around for him, but he was nowhere in the room. He must've left to give Alice and me some privacy.

I owe him so much…

"Jazz" I yelled.

"Yeah?" he yelled back from the bedroom.

"I have to tell you guys something" I said. Jasper came out of the bedroom and took a seat across from Alice and me.

"Shoot" he smiled. His eyes darted from Alice to me and his eyes told me that he was happy.

"Bella was pregnant when she left me" I admitted. Both of them gasped; Alice clasped her hands over her mouth, and tears filled her eyes.

"No way" Jasper said.

"She kept my son away from me for nine years…I don't even know how he looks" I smiled sadly. I've been racking my brain about Bella's decision to keep me out of his life. I couldn't come up with one solid reason, good enough, to justify what she had done. Nothing! She had no right to do that to me.

They asked me how I knew and I told them about Emmett, and about Bella's roommate.

"Were you at Bella's tonight?" Jazz asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, but we couldn't come to an understanding. We kept arguing back and forth, jumping from one topic to the next and back again" I sighed, raking my fingers through my hair. My head ached from tugging on my hair too much; it was a bad habit, one I couldn't get rid of. "I made plans to see her Monday morning; maybe I will be calm then"

"How could she do that to you?" my sister hissed. Alice was angry, very angry.

"I ask myself that question over and over again" I said, "but with no fucking answers. No matter what happened between us, she had no fucking right to keep him away from me" my anger intensified all over again.

"What are you going to do?" Jasper asked.

"Honestly, I don't know" I answered, "Bella's holding all the cards"

"You're not going to fight for him?" Alice asked incredulously.

I shook my head, "I'm thinking about Tristan. I mean, what would a custody case do to him? Even if I stand a chance to win custody, do you really think he will want anything to do with me? No," I shook my head again before I added, "I'll do this Bella's way, and just hope for the best"

"I honestly think you should fight for him" Alice hissed, and I could tell she was furious with Bella.

"Ali," I placed my hand over hers and smiled, "Tristan needs his mother. I won't be the one to break that little boy's heart. I've broken his mother's heart and if it weren't for me, she never would have left in the first place, and I could have had the chance to have a life with my son"

"That's bullshit" Alice fumed.

"No, it's not. I've blamed myself for years, and I've always wondered what would have happened if I wasn't so proud. I have to try and work things through with his mother-"

"You can't mean that" Alice screeched, "Will you honestly take her back?"

"That's not what I meant, Alice. Bella and I have to put our feelings aside and work something out for Tristan's sake" I explained.

Alice wasn't too happy about the idea of me not fighting for Tristan, but I just figured that at this moment, there was nothing to fight about. Bella hadn't refused me when I asked to meet my son.

I dropped the subject about my son and Bella, and started talking about our new album. For the first time since I've became a musician, I hated my career choice. We're planning a tour, to launch our new album, and it would mean a lot of travel where I won't get to see my son. The tour would be about three months long…

I don't know if I want to do this anymore. I don't know if I would be able to walk away from my son like the way I let Bella walk away from me. My heart splintered into millions of pieces just by the mere thought of not seeing him…or Bella. I can't even lie about my feelings; I still love her, and now that I've found her, I don't want to let her go. I had to know if there was even the slightest chance for us to be together; and if there was, I wanted that chance. I wanted to make everything right. But first I had to focus on my son and get to know him before I even attempt to try and rectify the wrongs I've done to his mother…

**BPOV**

After I helped my daughter into her pajamas, I went to find my son. I needed to talk to him about Edward. I needed to tell him that Edward wanted to meet him.

Tristan was lying on his bed with a book in front of him; he loved to read, just like Edward and me.

He smiled up at me as I entered his room, and I took a seat on the edge of his bed.

"Can we talk?" I asked while running my fingers through his bronze hair.

"It sounds important" he chuckled. He closed his book and sat straight up on his bed.

"Urm…it kind of is"

"Did you have fun at Grandpa Charlie?" I asked Tristan. My heart bounced up and down inside my chest out of nervousness. I had no idea where to start and how to approach the subject.

He shrugged, "Mom, really?" he rolled his eyes. "Did I have fun at Grandpa? Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?"

I laughed while shaking my head.

"Wow," I grinned, "you really are growing up too fast"

"My day at Grandpa was fine…guess what?" he asked with excitement, but there was a tiny hint of uncertainty in his eyes as well. I knew this was about Edward; he only had that look in his eyes when he wanted to talk about Edward. I was grateful, because now I had an opening to talk about Edward.

"Nope, what?"

"Grandpa told me about my dad" he said with stars dancing in his green eyes. My stomach turned upside down at the mention of Tristan calling Edward 'dad'. I knew Charlie and Tristan had a discussion about Edward; Charlie mentioned it to me, but I had no idea what they talked about.

"Really?" I asked and he nodded. "How did it make you feel?" I asked.

"I guess I just really want to meet him" he said in a sad tone.

I reached for his hand and clasped it between my own, "That's what I want to talk to you about" I said softly.

"Um, okay" he sounded unsure.

"So, I've spoken to Edward" I said. I refused to refer to him as 'his dad', since Edward hadn't been a dad. Even if that was my fault, I did not give a shit.

"You have?" he asked incredulously.

I nodded.

"What did he say? Does he want to meet me?" he asked.

I chuckled, and ruffled his hair. "He sure does" I said with fake enthusiasm. My heart flopped inside my chest just thinking about last night. I don't know why, but I have a fucking hard time believing in Edward.

I took a look at my son's face, and I almost choked at all of the changing emotions in his eyes; happiness, excitement, uncertainty, nervousness and a small amount of fear. My heart ached for my son and what he must have been going through.

"Tris" I whispered while lifting his chin with my finger, "please talk to me"

His beautiful eyes filled with tears as all of the emotions must have sunk in. "Oh, baby" I choked out before I scooped him into my arms and hugged him tightly, never wanting to let him go. "What's wrong, baby?" I asked. I hoped that he wouldn't get into the whole 'baby' thing right now, and just talk his heart out.

"What if he doesn't like me, mom?" his chin wobbled as more tears filled his beautiful jaded eyes. I could tell that he was trying to be strong, trying to keep the tears away, but failed miserably. I wanted to tell him that he was still a boy, and that he had every right to cry if he wanted to. I wanted to tell him that it was normal and that it was actually a good thing to cry, but I knew that he was proud and tried to act all mucho.

I moved his messy hair from his forehead, and I smiled at him.

"No one can _not_ like you after meeting you, Tris" I emphasized the word 'not'. I hoped that I was right and that Edward wouldn't let Tristan down.

He was still positioned on my lap, so he slipped back to the bed before he whispered softly, "When?"

"I'm not sure," I said honestly. "How do you feel about meeting him, honestly?"

I watched how he swallowed and then wringed his fingers together, playing nervously with them.

"I'm a little nervous" he said softly, "but, I'm also excited. Does that make any sense?"

I chuckled softly, "it makes perfect sense, Tris" I ruffled his hair before I leaned down and planted a kiss on his head.

"Do I call him 'dad'?" he asked.

I cupped his cheek, "whatever you're comfortable with. If you feel comfortable calling him 'dad' then it's fine-"

"I don't know what I'll be comfortable with" he interrupted me.

"You have time to decide what you'll be comfortable with, Tristan" I explained. I don't know why, but I felt a twinge of jealousy as I watched my son struggle with this situation. In my heart I felt like Edward hadn't deserved the title 'dad', yet, but I had no right to make decisions for Tristan. He had to decide on his own what he wanted to call Edward.

"Are you okay?" he suddenly asked. I frowned at his question, and he continued, "You look stressed"

I chuckled softly, "I'm fine, Tris. I'm just tired, I guess"

"Was he mad?" he suddenly asked.

"What?" I gasped.

"Was he mad that you kept my existence a secret, mom?" he literally spelled it out for me.

"A little" I decided to be honest with him.

"I don't want to meet him if it's going to get you into trouble" he whispered.

"Tris, no," I exhaled loudly, "I'm not in trouble, baby"

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded, "I don't want you to worry about Edward, me, or our problems. Just focus on yourself"

"Okay, if you're sure" he smiled.

"I'm sure" I assured him, ruffling his hair. "I'm going to get dinner ready" I stood from the bed and walked to the door, but turned around when Tristan called me back.

"I love you, Mom"

I smiled, and my heart filled with pride. "I love you, too, Tris"

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**_

**Soooo…what did you think?**

**I know you are eager for Edward and Tristan to meet already…and I promise you that they'll meet in the next chapter. Something to look forward to, right?**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter – a very long chapter – but I had quite a few aspects to cover. I just figured that you didn't want me to split this into two chapters, because you'll have to wait then for the big meeting between T & E. Also, the tattoo will be revealed a little later...there's quite a few of them... ;) **

**Please Review…I'm going to try and post the next chapter on Saturday...Sunday at the latest! I don't want to keep you waiting on the meeting between E and T! So push the review button :D**

**NB: those of you that are disappointed in Edward and reviewed that you are done with the story…you are entitled to your opinion. I'm not forcing anyone to read this story…thank you for supporting it up to this point, though.**


	9. Chapter Eight - Tristan

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics in this chapter belong to: Priceless – Mayday Parade**

** Smashed – Suicide Silence**

** No heroes allowed – Mayday Parade**

**I hope I don't dissapoint anyone in this chapter! please be patient with Bella and Edward...remember to review!**

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo **

Chapter Eight – Tristan

**EPOV**

_**Breakdown, all on me**_

_**I don't wanna be selfish**_

_**But would it kill you to be a little more precise**_

_**And more polite when you speak**_

Exhaustion was not even the correct word for how I was feeling. I haven't slept in two days as Bella controlled every thought, every dream, every memory…I couldn't help but wonder how different things could have turned out, had I not been so fucking selfish, ten years ago. I could have spared myself – and Bella – so much heartache.

Then there's Tristan who's been on my mind constantly, wondering if he wanted to meet me and if he would like me. I wondered if I'll have the chance to be a real father to him…a dad. I swallowed at the thought. I don't know shit about being a father, let alone a dad, and to say that I'm scared shitless, was a big fucking understatement. I had no idea how to handle this situation, but I knew that I wanted to meet my son and have the chance to get to know him.

I had a lot of time to think over the weekend. If ever there was a time that I had regretted letting Bella walk away from me, it was now. And it's not just because of my son, but because I had been a miserable fuck without her. I loved her, and I should have walked away from my band. I should have chosen her…

"Edward" her voice brought me out of my reverie. I hadn't even heard the door open. My eyes zoned in on the beautiful woman who was standing in front of me in tight, skinny jeans and a midnight blue sweater. She looked as beautiful as ever…

"Urm…yeah, sorry" I shook my head a little, pinching the bridge of my nose. Bella crossed her arms over her chest and pierced her lips.

"Have you calmed down?" she asked.

"Yes" I answered flatly.

"Are you sure about that?" she asked again, "because I'll through your ass out if you so much as raise your fucking voice today" she threatened.

"Bella, I swear to you that I'm calm" I said calmly.

I had the entire weekend to calm down. I know I was a complete dick the other night; I should have waited before I rushed over to Bella's apartment. Even though I'm still mad as hell, I was in control of my emotions, and I just wanted to sort through our shit so I could meet my son.

Bella took a step to the side, and I entered her small apartment. I looked around the place again as I followed her to the living room. Everything in the apartment was old and ragged. My heart filled with sorrow, realizing how she must've suffered through life because of me. She cared for my son without the proper support…I let her walk away from me, knowing she had no high school diploma, no degree, nothing.

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked politely, yet stiffly. It was clear that Bella only tolerated me because she had to.

"No, thank you"

"Right, let's get this over and done with then" she brought her hands together before she plunged down on the nearest chair. I followed her lead and took a seat on the couch closest to me.

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, staring at each other. I now had the time to look at Bella, really look at her, and take everything about her in. She was as beautiful as ever; except for the faint crinkles in the corners of her eyes, she hadn't changed one bit. Her eyes was a bit dull, reminding me of the day she begged me to choose her. I wondered if her eyes ever lost the grayness from that morning. My eyes roamed over the contours of her face, and my heart flopped at the pain that displayed there. I did that to her. I destroyed her life, and broke her heart completely.

She cleared her throat before her left hand came up and raked her fingers through her thick, brown locks. My eyes caught the shining diamond on her ring finger, and I almost chocked on the excessive saliva in my mouth.

"You're engaged?" the words flowed from my mouth on their own accord. I wished that I could've grabbed the words and plunged them back in, but this was reality and as soon as the staggered words left my mouth, her eyes widened. A million questions danced behind her lids before realization sunk in. She brought her hand down and looked at the ring. Her right hand crossed her left and her fingers started playing nervously with the ring; turning it around and around.

"Is that why you are here? To ask about my personal life?" she asked. Her eyes told me that she refused to answer any of my questions, and I sighed.

I wanted to push her into answering my question; as it was a simple question with a simple answer - either yes or no –but Bella's demeanor warned me to back the fuck off. So, instead I asked, "When can I meet my son, Bella?"

She held her forefinger up, "first things first" she said, "are you going to act like a jerk in front of him?" she asked. I narrowed my eyes at her, anger threatening to explode.

"Look, I know I was an asshole the other night-"

"Pfft" she murmured.

"I'm sorry about the other night; I should have calmed down before I came over. Everything was just a bit much" I confessed.

"I don't give a shit what happened the other night, as long as you control yourself in front of Tristan. He is nine years old, and I don't want him to see you in that kind of mood"

"Bella, I'm really trying here" I said through clenched teeth.

"You should try harder" she spat.

"I'm sorry about the other night" I apologized again, "but I'm not going to let you hold it against me forever. Fuck sakes, Bella, I made a mistake…okay a few mistakes" I corrected when she rolled her eyes, "can we get past it, already?"

"As long as you control yourself from now, we'll have no problems" she said through pierced lips. She sighed, "When did you want to see Tristan?"

"As soon as possible" I said with excitement, "if that's all right?" I added quickly, looking straight into her eyes. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. I had a hard time keeping up with every emotion that filled her beautiful eyes; doubt, wariness, sadness, regret, distrust and bitterness. I understood every emotion; I understood how she could feel like that about me. I had hurt her so much when I let her walk away from me. I saw what I did to her and it killed me. I knew in my heart that I would never forgive myself for what I'd done to Bella.

She nodded before she quickly looked away; the atmosphere in the room was thick.

"Bella," I said softly, yet urgently. "Can we talk first?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea" she shook her head slightly, "the other night proved that we can't talk"

"I've been trying to see this from your side, Bella" I said, ignoring her refusal to talk. I had tried to see this from her side; I've been playing it over and over inside my head, trying to justify her actions. Even though I could _almost _understand why she wouldn't tell me about my son, it still didn't make it right. But, like I said, almost!

"Edward-"

"Let me finish" I held my hand up to keep her from stopping what I wanted to say. "When Emmett told me I had a son…fuck-" I jammed my fingers into my hair and bit down on my lip, tasting the blood from the force I used to bite. "I was floored, Bella. I didn't believe him at first, because in my heart I couldn't believe that you would do that to me"

I looked directly into her eyes; eyes filled with guilt and sadness. I looked away from her and stared at the floor, gathering my thoughts and words before I spoke again. I did not want to fight with her, not again, so I went through everything I wanted to say, in my head.

"I know I fucked up ten years ago…believe me, I know" I said slowly, still looking at the floor. I shook my head to get rid of the memories that appeared before me from that morning. "I've made mistakes, Bella, mistakes that I fucking regret now more than ever" I balled my fists on my knees as I met her eyes from across the room. For the first time in so long, I felt the burn of tears as they started pricking my eyes. "But I never deserved this" I closed my eyes for a second. I inhaled deeply, trying to stay calm. "Every time I think of what I've missed…fuck, I get so angry" I shook my head sideways, pinching the bridge of my nose before I looked straight into her eyes, "did you never think, just once, that I might want to be part of his life…that I might want the chance to be his dad?" I almost choked out.

"You chose your band, Edward, remember? How could I have gone back to you and tell you that I was pregnant when you made it perfectly clear that you will never leave your band?" she shook her head slowly, playing with her fingers. My eyes caught the ring on her finger again, and I don't know why, but it felt like my heart was ripped to shreds every time I saw that ring. "I couldn't bear the thought of going back to tell you that I was pregnant, just to be tossed to the side again" her voice trembled.

"Bella, do you remember that I begged you to stay so we could talk? Do you remember that?" I asked with urgency. My heart ached remembering that morning when I realized something wasn't right with Bella. I remember it as if it was yesterday, and not ten years ago. I knew she wanted to leave, that's why I begged her to stay and wait for me. None of this would've happened if she just waited…pfft, what was I thinking; none of this would've happened if I wasn't a dickhead, and chose Bella instead of my band.

"It wouldn't have mattered" she smiled sadly, "you would've still picked the stupid band" she stated. My mind raced back to when I went and bought that ring – a ring I still had hidden inside my chest of drawers – to ask her to marry me. _It would have mattered,_ I said to myself. Why couldn't I tell her that? Why couldn't I confess that I've bought the ring?

"I still would have wanted to be a part of my son's life" I whispered in defeat. Her eyes burned into mine; her eyes anxiously waiting for me to elaborate on my sentence, but I only turned my face away from her, afraid that she might see the bitterness that suddenly filled my heart, which sure as hell must've shown in my eyes.

"Edward, I'm-"

"I have a son whom I know nothing about, Bella. I don't know what he likes to do, what his favorite color is, what gets him upset, what he looks like" I swallowed hard, "I don't even have an idea when his fucking birthday is…what the fuck I was doing the moment he was born…the moment I became a father" I looked back at Bella accusingly, anger flowed through my veins. "Think of all the things you've enjoyed with him, Bella, every little thing" I said slowly, "and that's what you've robbed me of"

I saw the expression on her face as my words sunk in. Her eyes widened, and she nibbled on her bottom lip. She looked terrified of what I just revealed to her. For a moment, a second, she looked extremely heartbroken before she raised her chin an inch, and bitterness crept back into her eyes.

The anger I felt, morphed into sadness when I thought about everything I've missed out on; his birth, his first smile, his first steps…there's so much I've missed, and as the reality of it all sunk in, my heart crushed inside my chest. Ten years of things I could never get back. I wouldn't get a do-over. Never!

_**Let's take our fucking lives back.**_

_**Life living through an hourglass,**_

_**the sand is falling and there's not much left.**_

_**It's like living in a photograph, witness the rubble from the past.**_

_**And how it's so full of memories,**_

_**now don't you wish you could turn that fucker over?**_

_**I want my life back, every grain of sand, I'll take it back!**_

"I just don't understand why you didn't tell me?" I sighed sadly.

"It's simple" she said without emotion, "I wanted so much more for Tristan"

My head snapped up as I met her cold, hard eyes; mine sure as hell filled with anger as I felt the fuel spread through my veins all the way to my heart, and suddenly exploded into a rage of fire. My heart pounded in anger, my nostrils flared and my eyes opened only an inch as I stared at her through narrowed eyes. My hands balled into fists as I clenched my jaw.

"I could have given him the best in life-"

"I'm not talking about material things, Edward" she yelled in anger. I've never seen Bella this mad. "I wanted more for him than just being on another fucking magazine-cover, or the next front page of the newspaper" she fumed on, "or how about the fact that he never would have seen you as you weren't around that much"

"So you thought you'd just deprive him of a father" I fumed with my own anger.

"Oh, please" she groaned in frustration. "Would you just get the fuck on with it…we aren't getting anywhere if we keep ending up in the past, besides, this isn't about you and me, it's about Tristan"

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever before I cleared my throat, and looked to the floor.

"That's why I'm here, Bella. I'm not going anywhere, and I meant what I said, I want to be a part of Tristan's life"

"Okay then" she placed her hands flat on her lap, "because Tristan really wants to meet you-"

"Really?" I asked shocked. Here I was, worried that my son might not want to meet me, and to hear out of Bella's mouth that my son wanted to meet me, made my heart beat faster.

She nodded, biting her bottom lip. "Yes, really"

"When?" I asked, "When can I meet him, Bella?"

"Well, I guess today is as good as any other" she sighed. I swallowed hard. Today! I was going to meet him today…I was suddenly overwhelmed by the mere thought of seeing him, talking to him, touching him…

"Are you sure you don't want something to drink?" she asked again. I'm guessing that she wanted to give me some time alone. Maybe she needed to be alone as well…

I sighed with a nod, "just a glass of water, thanks" I said to Bella as she stood up and made her way to the kitchen. I got up from the couch as something in the far end of the living room caught my attention. I walked to the small display unit and a gasp escaped my lips. I reached out for the photo frame that held a picture of a little boy holding a baby. Looking closer at the picture, I trailed my finger over the little boy, knowing that it was my son. He was the spitting image of me; it was as if I held a photo of myself in front of me. I was awestruck at his beauty. My heart was beating so fast that I had trouble breathing…

Bella cleared her throat behind me, and I raised my head without looking at her.

"He was four-years-old in that photo" her voice spoke softly.

"He's beautiful" I croaked out, "an absolute vision, Bella"

I returned my gaze back to the picture of my son; moving my attention to the baby he was holding. I frowned.

"Who is the baby?" I asked.

"Emmett didn't tell you?" she sounded surprised, and I slowly turned around to face her. Her complexion was paler than before, but that wasn't what caught my attention. Bella had removed her sweater and was wearing a tank top revealing purple and blue bruises on her forearms. I gasped as I realized that it must have been my work…

"Bella, fuck" I yelled, "I'm so sorry about that" I said remorsefully as I stepped closer to her. "I was blinded by anger" I shook my head, "that didn't give me the right to do this to you…I'm so sorry, Bella" I exhaled sharply, my eyes darting from her arms to her eyes. "I knew I gripped you too tightly…I'm really sorry"

"Apology accepted" she said. Her eyes were menacing when she looked at me, "I can understand that you were angry, but don't ever touch me again, Edward" she smiled in an unfriendly manner, which told me that she wouldn't tolerate my shit again. I sighed. It tore my heart out to know that I've left markings on her…I'm such a hateful bastard.

"You have my word that I'll never do that again" I said. She handed me the glass of water I asked for before we took our seats again. I was still holding the frame of my son, and I couldn't help but stare at him some more.

"The baby in that photo is my daughter" she explained. My head snapped up to meet her eyes.

"W-w-what?" I stuttered.

She nodded once before wringing her fingers again, and looked to the floor. "She's five-years-old, and her name is Abbey" she continued to explain.

Wow, Bella had a daughter. I was suddenly interested in every single detail of her life; where had she gone when she left me? What happened after she had Tristan? Where was Abbey's father, or was _he_ Bella's fiancé? My head was spinning with all the questions bouncing up and down inside it.

"Did you get married?" I asked the first question that popped up.

Her eyes met mine from across the room, and I swallowed hard. So much torment and pain swam in her eyes before she just shook her head sideways. "No, I never got married" she whispered softly.

"But you're engaged now" I brought the subject up again, hoping that she would tell me…

"Yes, I'm engaged now" she answered. Her words hung in the air between us as we're staring at each other. My heart crushed at her words. "Just like you" her eyes pierced mine.

"Yeah, just like me" I gulped.

**BPOV**

Edward kept looking down at the photo in his hands, and my heart crumbled as his finger kept trailing down Tristan's face. His eyes were moist when he looked back up at me.

"I've missed so much" he whispered in regret. I could tell that he was just being honest and wasn't trying to make me feel guilty again. He was speaking his mind out loud, and I could see so much regret in his eyes.

"I don't know what to say" I whispered honestly. Edward smiled crookedly – the way he used to – and my heart almost sprinted out of my chest. Fuck, I had no idea how to be in the same room with Edward Cullen and not feel anything for him.

"You don't have to say anything, Bella" he whispered in his velvety voice. He was so much calmer than the other night; it was as if there was a completely different person sitting in front of me. I could also see a small change in his hard eyes, and I wondered what had happened for him to change – even if it was by a tiny bit – it was a change; a beginning.

"How did you want to do this?" he asked, bringing me out of my reverie.

"Urm" I shook my head a little, raking my fingers through my hair, "maybe I should have a moment with him alone, just to prepare him for your meeting" I suggested.

He nodded, "I think that will be best"

"Why don't you come back at around five?"

"I can do that" he rubbed his forehead before his hand automatically reached up and jammed his fingers into his hair. Some thing's do change, but some thing's stay the same. My eyes widened when the sleeve of his shirt raised an inch, revealing a tattoo on the outside of his wrist. I gulped.

"You, ur, you have a tattoo?" I asked completely flabbergasted.

He looked at me in question, and I pointed to his wrist. He looked at his revealing wrist and chuckled.

"Yeah" he scratched his head before he pulled on his sleeve to cover his wrist.

"I thought you never wanted tattoos"

"I guess I changed my mind" he smiled.

He didn't say anything else, and I wondered if he had more than one tattoo. I wondered why he changed his mind about the whole tattoo-thing. I found myself curiously wondering what the tattoo said, but I didn't want to pry, or seem interested.

He chuckled, and I had to admit that it sounded wonderful to hear that sound escape his lips. Fuck, it sounded extremely good. My lips curled into a smile on their own accord.

"It says: _Live life hard_" he explained while looking at the tattoo, gently touching the words. I kind of wondered why he chose those words.

"How-"

"I saw the curiosity in your eyes, Bella" he laughed, "you _wanted_ to know what it said"

I smiled. "Yeah, I did" I said honestly. "So, when did you get the tattoo?"

"Urm…about nine years ago" he said nervously. I had a feeling that it wasn't something he wanted to elucidate on.

"So" I sighed, "I guess I'll see you at five then" I kind of dismissed him with that sentence. I didn't want him to be here when Rose brought my kids home.

"When are we going to talk about what happened?" he was serious again; all the signs of his laughter were gone.

"What do you mean 'what happened'?" I asked dumbly.

"About the past" he answered with a frown.

I looked at the floor, clearing my throat. "I thought you didn't give a fuck about that"

"I said a lot of things that I didn't mean, Bella"

"Edward" I said slowly, "can we not do this now? I mean, I don't want to have this conversation with Tristan coming home in a few minutes. If you really want to talk about it, we can make another appointment"

"I can understand you not wanting to talk about it before Tristan comes home, but can you understand that I really need to talk about it, and just get it out of the way" he said, "I mean, we need to get past it if we're going to be comfortable with each other around Tristan"

"I understand, Edward" I said, because I could understand where he was coming from. We couldn't let our past come up whenever we were in each other's presence, especially not in front of Tristan. We needed to work our shit out.

"Can we do it before the weekend?" he asked, "I have to be back in LA by this weekend…urm…press conference" he explained without me asking him.

There was a time where I would have freaked out over this. There was a time that I would have thought that his band and shit was more important than his son. I sighed. Not anymore, though. If ever there was a time I understood his lifestyle, it was now. I've been a star for two months and already had no time to myself. It had been one press conference after another, photo-shoots, recordings and live shows. I could also understand that sometimes, you can't get out of these things, even if you wanted to.

"I understand" I said and he cocked an eyebrow, telling me that he had a hard time believing that I could understand his situation. I refused to explain because we would end up fighting again, and I had no energy to get into anything with Edward now. I had to prepare my son for meeting Edward later.

"Can we meet somewhere for breakfast?" he asked.

I nodded, "sure, just name the time and place"

"Can I call you?" he asked unsurely. I swallowed hard. He took his phone out of his pocket and started typing with his fingers over the pad before he looked at me for my number. I said my number out loud, and watched him type it into his phone. My phone beeped, telling me I had a message, and I looked at Edward.

"I've send my number to your phone" he explained quickly before he rose to his feet. "I better go" he added.

"I'll see you at five, then?" I said.

"I'll be here" he said and started to make his way to the door. "Thank you for this, Bella" he whispered at the door. His eyes were filled with gratitude and it somehow filled them with lightness, as if a heavy burden was lifted. I could only nod because I was afraid that my voice would have trembled.

"Bella," his hand froze on the doorknob, "there are a lot of things I should have done differently, things that I will regret for the rest of my life" he said sadly, touching my heart with every word of regret, "I was a pussy ten years ago, but I've grown, and I'll never give up on what I want, ever again. If there's one thing I've learned in the past ten years, it's determination" he said urgently.

We said our goodbyes and after he left, I thought back on our conversation. Edward was a lot calmer than the other night, which I was thankful for. The Edward from the other night scared the hell out of me. There were a lot of changes in him as well, not only since the other night, but from ten years ago. I mean, he had a tattoo – something he loathed ten years ago.

_**oOoOoOo**_

Since Edward left earlier, it had been a struggle not to get bogged down by memories of the past. He said we needed to talk about the past, but all I remember about the past was pain and misery…rejection. Things I've buried very deep, refusing to dig it back up. The past meant digging those exact things up again…it meant heart-wrenching pain.

In my head, I've gone over his parting words again and again, '_there are a lot of things I should have done differently, things that I will regret for the rest of my life'. _Each time it brought different connotations. What would he had done differently? Where did his regret lie? And then there was the part of him not being a pussy anymore – I had always believed that he was a coward, but I never realized that he thought the same thing.

Despite everything that happened between Edward and me, the time we had spent together would always remain the happiest time of my life – apart from Tristan, of course. When I saw Edward again, after so long, it had reminded me just how fucking hard I had to fight to get over him.

Only now, I'm not sure I ever had gotten over him…

I was glad that we kind of shared a moment after the revealing of his tattoo. It meant that there was a way to be civilized to one another. It meant that if we really wanted, we could be friends in front of Tristan. Maybe Edward was right, maybe we needed to talk about what happened in the past…maybe it was the only way to move forward.

"Where is my black shirt?" I heard my son yell in his room. I frowned. Tristan was usually the calm one; why was he yelling.

"Tris" I said calmly as I entered his room. He was franticly throwing around stuff, desperately looking for something. His entire demeanor resembled stress, nervousness and worry.

"I can't find my black shirt" he said again, refusing to look at me.

"Tris" I said again with more urgency this time. I reached for his hand and clamped it between mine, bringing him to a halt. He bowed his head, refusing to meet my eyes, so I crouched down and met his eyes; they were filled with thick tears. "Oh, baby" I gasped. I pulled him into my arms and held him tightly to my chest.

"What if I changed my mind? What if I don't want to meet him?" his voice trembled.

"Then I'll call him right now, and call everything off" I said with determination. I knew it was only stress talking…I could understand his nervousness, and if he wasn't ready to meet Edward today, I would call Edward and explain everything.

Tristan slowly pulled away from me and looked up into my eyes. Tears were swimming in his eyes, causing the green of his eyes to show a dull grey. My heart crushed seeing my son in this state.

"Won't he be mad?" he asked. I cupped his cheek and smiled at him.

"He'll be disappointed, but not mad. And I'm pretty sure Edward will understand, baby" I answered truthfully. I didn't tell him that Edward would probably believe that I had something to do with Tristan's refusal to meet him…I would worry about that later.

"I'm scared, mom" he finally sighed.

I pulled him to his bed, and we took a seat on the edge.

"What are you afraid of?" I asked.

"I don't know how to handle the situation, and how to act around him?"

"Tristan," I sighed with a smile, "you don't have to handle anything, just go with the flow. Follow Edward's lead," I encouraged, "and just be yourself around him. That's the person Edward will want to know, the real Tristan"

"Will you be here?" he asked, "the whole time" he quickly added.

I chuckled, ruffling his hair before I placed a kiss on his head.

"I promise that I will be in the apartment the whole time" I promised.

"Okay" he smiled. He wiped his eyes quickly before he jumped off of the bed. "Oh," he suddenly said, "and, mom, don't call me baby in front of him" he frowned.

I burst out laughing and annoyance flashed in his eyes as he glanced back at me. I shook my head a little and held my hands up in a conciliatory gesture, and I suppressed my smile.

"I won't" I still held my hands up, "I promise"

"Thanks, mom" he smiled with confidence. I knew my son was ready to meet his father; to get to know the other half of his DNA.

"Are you going to be alright now?" I asked and he nodded.

I left Tristan in his room and went to the kitchen where Rose was busy preparing grilled cheese sandwiches. I sighed loudly, blowing out a long breath. I could imagine how my son felt because I felt it, too. Ever since I ran into Edward, I had trouble sleeping and focusing. I hardly ate…

"How are you holding up?" she asked while she cut through the sandwiches.

"I'll be fine, it's Tristan I'm worried about" I said in exhaustion.

"He'll be fine, he's a strong boy" she said.

"Mommy" Abbey yelled when she came running into the kitchen. She ran straight into my legs and wrapped her tiny arms around both legs. I smiled. How could someone be sad for long with such beautiful children in their lives? I had no time to be sad for long because either Tristan or Abbey would need my attention, and soon my thoughts would be consumed by them. My thoughts had no time to linger on Edward too long, that's probably why I thought that I was over him…

I bent down and picked Abbey up, placing her on the countertop.

"Who is Edward?" she asked.

Tristan wanted to keep Edward a secret from his sister because he felt sorry for her. He felt that it would hurt her if he had a dad and she didn't. Of course, I explained to Tristan that he couldn't keep it a secret from her forever.

"Do you remember when we had that talk about your dad?" I asked and she nodded. She pushed her forefinger into her hair and started curling it; a habit she started ever since she started growing her hair out. "And do you remember that I explained to you that you and Tristan do not have the same daddies?" I asked. I knew it was hard to understand, fuck, it was hard to explain it, but it seemed that Abbey understood. I hoped so.

She bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes; something she did whenever she was thinking really hard – she once explained to Rose and me.

"I remember, but I don't really understand" she pouted. "How come we don't have the same daddy?" she asked.

"Well, things didn't work out between Tristan's daddy and me, so we separated. Do you understand that?" I asked and she nodded. "I met your daddy after I left Tristan's daddy, that's why you don't have the same daddies" I explained. Fuck, I had high hopes for her to understand because as I explained it to her, it sounded all so confusing.

"And my daddy is dead" she said softly. I still had no regrets telling her that lie, so I nodded my head. "And this Edward, is it Tristan's daddy?" she asked.

"Yes, it is" I answered.

"Wow," she covered her forehead with her hand, "it's pretty hectic stuff" she sighed, rolling her eyes. Rose and I started laughing as Rose took a stand next to me.

"And where did you learn that word" Rose asked, still laughing.

Abbey crossed her arms over her chest and tried to wink at her – failing miserably – before she added, "it's my secret"

I laughed again, shaking my head, "do you even know what the word means?" I asked.

She wrinkled her nose and placed her forefinger over her lips, "urm…confusing" she said narrowing one of her eyes.

"My oh my" Rose chuckled, "aren't you the clever one"

"So, where did you hear the word?" I asked again.

"Alex uses it a lot, and I've heard Tristan use it as well" she explained.

Rose and I laughed but froze with widened eyes when the knock came that we've been waiting for. I raised my arm to look at the time on my wristwatch, and I gasped. It was past five already…

"Is that him?" Rose asked softly. I nodded, "Will you keep Abbey busy in my room, or your room?" I asked.

"I'll be in my room" she said as I left the kitchen! "Come on pretty girl" I heard Rose cooed to my daughter.

My heart bounced uncontrollably against my chest as the door came closer.

When I opened the door, I found a very nervous looking Edward on the other side. His hand was already in his hair, fucking it up even more – I could tell he had them in a certain style, but was pointing in all kinds off directions from all the tugging. I shook my head with a smile.

"Hey" he greeted.

"Hey" I moved out of the way, and he entered my apartment.

While I followed Edward, I looked at his attire; I noticed he wore a white _Suicide Silence_ shirt along with a black jacket, dark skinny jeans and a pair of black sneakers. I smiled. Edward sure as hell wasn't the normal-everyday-type-of-dad that every kid had. I think it would – in the near future – make him unique.

He chewed on his bottom lip and stood with both hands resting on his hips. I couldn't tell who was more nervous, Tristan or Edward. I couldn't tell them not to be nervous because I had no idea how either of them was feeling; I wasn't in their positions.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Urm…to be honest, no" he rubbed his forehead viciously before he started pacing the small living room. "I'm nervous as hell, Bella" he said.

"He really wants to meet you, Edward, and he is really excited about it. So just relax" I said and hoped it would calm him like it calmed Tristan. "Can I go tell him you are here, or do you want to wait?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I'm ready…I think" he gulped.

"I'll be right back" I smiled reassuringly before I left the living room.

**Tristan's POV**

I've raked my fingers through my hair, for what seemed like the millionth time. It's a really bad, but cute habit, my mom used to say. I've paced up and down in my room, surprised that there was still carpet left. I'm a nervous wreck. I hadn't even been this nervous when I went to school for the first time. To be honest, this was the first time I've ever been this nervous.

I remember the first time I asked my mom about my dad. It had been a really bad day at school where I was supposed to tell the class about my father's career. I just figured that since there was no dad, I could just tell the class about my mom. We had a really mean kid in class, Demetri, and he had so much fun teasing me about the fact that I had no father.

I was devastated. I had no idea that it was weird to not have a dad, but Demetri made it pretty clear that day, that it was indeed weird not to have a dad.

That night, I asked my mom about my father, and she told me that he lived far away. To me it sounded like he was dead and she had no idea how to tell me. Plus, the hurt in her eyes was as clear as daylight. I promised myself that I would never speak about him again, seeing as it hurt my mom to talk about him.

But it started to bother me; I wanted to know about him and his life even though he was 'dead'. I wanted to know what he was like and what he looked like. I wanted to know what his date of birth was. Anything…Everything!

When my mom explained to me that he was alive and not dead…I kind of freaked out. It felt as if my life had been a lie…For so long I had believed that he was dead and almost made peace with that fact. I can't even begin to describe the feelings inside my heart when I was told that he was alive. But then my mom told me why he stayed away…why I never met him. He had no idea that I even existed, and mom confessed that it was her fault.

I'll admit, I was angry at her. I was hurt that she kept the truth from me. I was hurt that she kept me away from my father. But I had no idea what her circumstances were back then, and I wasn't going to judge her, or blame her for things I knew nothing off…things I didn't understand.

I just knew one thing; from the moment she told me that my father wasn't dead, I wanted to meet him. I had a weird urge inside my heart to see him, to meet my dad. And, of course mom promised to make it happen…

That's why I was pacing up and down in my room; I was about to meet my father. The man I've dreamt about since I can remember.

I froze in the middle of my room when there was a knock at my door; I knew it was my mom. I knew that he was here, and that I was ready to meet him.

The door squeaked open slowly, and I watched my mom's head pop around from the other side. If I wasn't so stressed out, I would have laughed at her. Man, I loved my mom…

"Are you ready?" she asked in her melodic voice. Her voice had the power to calm me instantly, well, sometimes at least.

"Yeah, I guess" I answered. She held her hand out for me, and I took it. I may have complained about her calling me baby, but I was scared out of my mind right now, so I couldn't care less if I was still a little boy who needed his mom. I needed her right now, more than ever.

"Are you okay?" she asked before we left the room.

"I'm not sure" I said honestly.

"Do you want to know a secret?" she whispered as she crouched down to level with me.

"What?" I whispered back. I leaned in to hear what she wanted to say.

"He's even more nervous than you are"

I pulled back to look into her eyes before I said, "Really?"

"He's pacing up and down in the living room, pulling his hair out of his head and biting his lips raw" she chuckled.

"Wow" I widened my eyes while I nodded my head, "I was pacing up and down a few minutes ago, and I pulled my hair as well" I admitted.

She opened her mouth to say something but closed it almost immediately.

I started laughing and pulled her by her hand, "come on, mom" I urged.

"I'm really proud of you" she whispered just before we entered the living room.

My eyes froze on the man that stood in the middle of the room. He was standing with his back towards me, and I took the time to admire him from the back. Not that I could see much from his back, but I could see that he was tall and that he had the same shade of bronze hair than I had, except mine was a bit darker. Plus, it was just as untamable as well.

My heart was out of control as I stood there for a few seconds, which felt like hours.

My mom cleared her throat, and he quickly turned around. His eyes met mine instantly and we stared at each other for a few minutes. Mom was right, I kind of looked like him; I had his eyes, his hair, his nose, even his chin. I blinked a couple of times; my hand automatically raised and went into my hair.

Mom pulled me forward and my feet dragged along. He crouched down as I came closer. I was nervous because I had no idea what he expected of me, how I was supposed to approach him; should I give him a hug, or a handshake? I still had no idea if I wanted to call him 'dad' or 'Edward'. What would make me comfortable?

My mind was still pondering on the thought when I was suddenly right in front of him. My heart thumped out of my chest when he smiled at me. I felt my lips curl into a smile before my hand shot out on its own accord – I guess I was going with the handshake then. He looked at my hand and then back at me before he took my hand in his.

"Tristan, I'd like you to meet Edward Cullen" mom said.

Edward's hand tightened a bit around mine, but not in a hurtful manner.

"Hello, Tristan" he spoke for the first time. His voice was velvety, but there was also a hoarse edge to it. He cleared his throat, squeezing my hand again.

"Hello, Edward" the name rolled off of my tongue and slipped out of my mouth without thinking about it. I guess it's going to be Edward for a while.

**EPOV**

"Hello, Edward" he said softly. His voice sounded like music, filling this room with the sweetest melodies. My heart fell when my name left his lips, but then again, what was I expecting? I couldn't have expected him to call me 'dad' now, could I?

He was an absolute vision. My heart fluttered in my chest while I still held his hand in mine. I've only ever felt a love this deep for Bella, but now Tristan is part of that love. A love so deep that I would die for him…

Tristan pulled his hand from mine, and I could tell he was nervous and uncomfortable. I slowly got up and looked at Bella for help. I had no idea how to handle the situation…if only I knew what he liked, what his interests were.

"Hey, Tris, why don't you tell Edward about the music you like" she suggested.

"Oh man, how much time do you have?" he chuckled, and I sighed in relief. Bella had managed to break some of the ice that started to form after our introduction.

I chuckled loudly as he pulled me to the couch; warmness spread through my entire body again at his touch. I couldn't understand the power he already had over me.

Bella offered to make some hot chocolate and we greedily accepted. I think she wanted to give us some time alone, but she looked at Tristan whom just nodded, and then she left the living room.

Tristan started telling me about his love for music. I almost fell on my back when he told me how much he loved my band's music.

"Mom has all your albums" he stated, "I don't think I was supposed to sneak them out and listen to them" he shrugged with a smile. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

"How did you find the albums?" I asked curiously while Bella wasn't in the room. I had a feeling that Tristan would answer every curious question I had about Bella. Things I was hungry to know the answers off.

"She hides them in her closet" he answered, "I heard her listen to it one night, and I liked it" he shrugged again. He looked so innocent. "She still has no idea that I know she has all of your albums" he pulled a face, and I laughed loudly. His eyes met mine and they pleaded silently as he realized what he just said.

I shook my head in laughter, "I won't tell a soul" I promised in between chuckles.

"Thanks" he sighed.

"So, what's your favorite song?" I asked curiously. We were both relaxed, no more signs of nervousness and awkwardness. We interacted to easily, something I was grateful for.

He told me about the song his mom used to listen to at night, and I realized that it was a song that I wrote before I started dating Tanya.

_**Well now it's hard to see with all these flashing cameras in my face**_

_**But I love the way they play**_

_**Throwing shadows on the stage**_

_**I wonder where you are and what you think about this place**_

_**I can't help but miss the days**_

_**(No Heroes Allowed – Mayday Parade)**_

I wondered if Bella knew that I wrote that song for her. Why would she listen to it, almost every night?

Tristan told me that he wanted to learn how to play the piano and guitar. I was excited to know that Tristan inherited the same interests in music than me. Even though I wasn't a part of his life while he grew up, he had something of me…and I wasn't talking about his looks.

Tristan chattered non-stop, and I loved every minute of it. I was content in his presence. My son – even though I'm Edward to him – illuminates so much love towards me that I felt how my hardened heart slowly cracked open with every word and every smile from him. The love - that clearly filled his eyes - shined through the small cracks, blinding the darkness inside my chest and caused the most overwhelming feeling I had ever felt. I had almost forgotten how it felt to completely love someone, and how it felt to be on the receiving side of that love. The last time I felt like this was ten years ago…with Bella.

"When is your birthday?" I asked him after I had learned that he loved to read and listen to music.

"You missed it" he smiled. "It was the 20th of June"

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. Wait, what?

"You look shocked" he said a bit alarmed.

I shook my head and rubbed the back of my neck, "No, I guess I'm just surprised" I stuttered.

"Why?" he asked but Bella made her appearance with the hot chocolate that was promised to us long ago. She smiled as she handed our mugs, and we thanked her profusely. I immediately brought the mug to my lips and took a few sips…I remember how I always thought that she made the best damn hot chocolate in this world. I moaned loudly as the hot liquid filled my mouth; it felt like it exploded in my mouth, filling it with the creamiest chocolaty taste ever.

"You still make the best hot chocolate in this world" I said out loud. Bella blushed and it was still as beautiful as I remembered. It was the second time that we shared a weird moment; the first being when she noticed my tattoo. I wanted to tell her about my tattoo but I just figured that it wasn't the right time. I would tell her later about every tattoo on my body, if she wanted to know.

I noticed how she gaped at me, and I quickly looked away from her and shook my head a little. I shouldn't have let her go…how could I have been so selfish and so fucking stupid? How could I have thought that I could live without her? It was evident that I had no idea to live without her…I had made a fuckup of my life.

Tristan excused himself to the bathroom, leaving Bella and me alone in the living room!

"Edward, I don't want to be rude" Bella swallowed, breaking the silence, "but it's a school night, and Tristan needs to go to bed"

"Oh yeah, sure. I didn't even realize the time" I chuckled, "I had so much fun with him-"

"You are welcome to come back tomorrow, if you like"

"Really?"

"Of course," she smiled, "Tristan is already attached"

I sighed in relief, "I was so stressed"

"I know"

"Can we meet somewhere for breakfast tomorrow?" I asked.

"NO" I heard Tristan yell, "you can't leave now" he said urgently.

"Tristan, you have school in the morning" Bella intervened.

"Please, don't go" his voice trembled. My heart jumped into my throat, making it impossible to breathe. Tears started building in his eyes…I knew I would not be able to control myself if he started crying. It would break my heart.

"Tristan" Bella touched his arms, but he yanked his arm away from her. She sighed loudly, hurt evidently on her face.

"I'm coming back tomorrow, Tristan" I promised. He shook his head and closed his eyes. This hurt me because I could see the doubt in his eyes; he had a hard time believing that I was actually coming back. He wanted to keep me here so he would believe that I wasn't going anywhere…

I stood up from the couch and approached him slowly. Bella's hands were clamped together in front of her mouth, but I could see the hurt in her eyes. The situation was hard, and neither of us knew what to tell Tristan. I'm sure Bella had doubts of her own about me…

"Tristan" I crouched down to meet his eyes. He refused to look at me, but I lifted his chin with my finger. "I promise you that I'll be back tomorrow" I said in definite.

"It's not enough" his chin wobbled. I acted on instincts when I scooped him up into my arms and held him to my chest. My eyes closed, and I inhaled his scent. My heart pounded hard when his arms went around my neck and squeezed tightly.

Bella made little sniffling noises before she cleared her throat, "Will you like it if Edward takes you to school tomorrow?" she asked.

Mine and Tristan's heads snapped up at the same time.

"Will you?" he asked me.

"I would love that" I gulped.

Tristan seemed happy with that arrangement. He smiled crookedly again!

"I'll see you in the morning, okay?" I said with Tristan still in my arms.

"Okay" he whispered. I let him out of my arms and turned to Bella.

"Thank you for today, Bella"

"We'll see you tomorrow morning" she answered with a nod.

"Hey, Edward" Tristan pulled on my hand.

I turned back to him, "Yeah?"

"It was so cool meeting you" he smiled, and I chuckled. "I had a really good time" he added.

"I loved every second of it" I smiled. "I'll see you in the morning"

After I said goodbye to Bella and Tristan, I left the apartment. My heart was empty as soon as I set foot outside the door. Everything I cared about was on the other side of the door…everything I wanted.

I made a promise to myself that I would fight to get Bella back into my life. I would do anything to make her love me again…

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The quote on Edward's outer wrist belongs to Suicide Silence - You only live once! I couldn't write the song into the story because the song didn't exist when he had it tattooed onto his wrist!

I know this chapter is late and I'm so sorry. This was a very difficult chapter to write, actually. I had to ask my ten-year-old daughter's advice on how she would react if it was her meeting her dad for the first time! Still, I had a really hard time writing this chapter! Be honest in your reviews.

So, I've received amazing reviews this week, wow, thank you so much guys! It meant a lot! I also had a chance to get back to some of the reviewers...for the guest-reviewers, thank you for reviewing!

I'm sorry about the pace of the story...but I'm pretty sure that you can understand that there's a lot to cover, and I can't just rush into everything, it will completely fuck everything up! But, I think Bella and Edward will be able to move forward from now on! PS - don't worry about Jake and Tanya (a lot of you ask if Jake's going to be a problem?)

Lastly: I'm going on holiday for a week, I'm going to try and post one more chapter before I leave, but I'm not making any promises!


	10. Chapter Nine Resolving some of the past

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics in this chapter belong to: A breath in the eyes of eternity – As I lay dying**

** When the world fades – As I lay dying**

** I am stone – Demon Hunter**

** Those nights - Skillet**

**I want to thank everyone who labeled this story as a favorite and whoever follows this story. Thank you for reading, and a special thanks to those of you who take time to review and share your thoughts with me. I love the reviews, by the way, every single one. Some of you are really into the story and I love it. Thank you so much…**

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

_**Sadness I embrace**_

_**Left with empty promises**_

_**I look at myself and see the scars**_

_**That are brought to me by this life**_

_**(A breath in the eyes of eternity – As I lay dying)**_

Chapter Nine – Resolving some of the past

**BPOV**

"He promised that he would be here" Tristan paced the living room floor. I sighed. It felt like all I was doing nowadays was sighing.

Tristan had chattered non-stop about Edward since he left last night. It's all he was talking about, and I wondered if he even slept last night. He was so excited about seeing Edward this morning; I had a hard time putting him to bed. I smiled as I recalled last night's encounters. Every time he lay down, and I was about to cover him with his blankets, he would jump up and tell me about something Edward said or did. It was evident that he already loved his father.

"It's still early, Tris. Please go and eat your cereal before he comes" I asked for the second time. He gave me a look that said _how-can-you-even-think-about-food-at-a-time-like-this_, but I cocked one eyebrow, and pointed my finger towards the kitchen where his cereal awaited.

"Ah, man" he complained as he entered the kitchen. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my lips.

I decided to keep Abbey out of school today; she had a bit of a fever. It wasn't serious, but I refused to take any chances.

When the knock came that Tristan had waited for, he sprinted out of the kitchen towards the door. I shook my head and chuckled. I followed him to the door and made it just before he swung the door open, revealing a very happy looking Edward. The nervousness of yesterday was gone, and there were only signs of extreme contentment. His eyes had lost the gray color and were replaced with the green I remember – the same emerald green eyes that belonged to Tristan. Edward looked really good this morning, as if he became a changed man overnight. There were still signs of hardness on his beautiful face, but they were minimal. Had Tristan changed him that much?

"Dad" Tristan exhaled in relief. I gasped when I realized what Tristan called Edward; it was so out of the blue and so…unexpected. It caught Edward off guard as well; his eyes were wide for a moment before I noticed them getting all shiny. "You came" Tristan added before he leapt forward and jumped into his father's arms. Edward was stunned for a moment, but then his arms circled around Tristan. Edward looked at me before he closed his eyes with a sigh of contentment; but not before I saw the shadow of hurt cross his eyes. He was hurt because of Tristan's doubts. I wanted to explain to him that it would be normal for Tristan to have doubts, but I had a feeling that Edward already knew this.

"Of course I came" he whispered softly, "I made a promise to you, Tristan" Edward said with urgency. Tristan wiggled out of his arms and pulled him into the apartment.

"Morning, Bella" Edward smiled.

"Morning"

"I'll get my bag" Tristan said. He disappeared, leaving Edward and me alone for a few minutes.

"That was…urm-" Edward rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Unexpected" I said stiffly. I couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy towards Edward. My son already worshiped the ground he walked on…even though there was still a tiny bit of doubt inside his heart.

"You don't like him calling me 'dad'?" he asked with a cocked eyebrow.

I shook my head, "no, that's not it. I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon" I confessed.

"I understand" he pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. I could tell that he had a really hard time keeping a snide comment to himself.

I sighed, again. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like that"

"It's fine, Bella, really" he said with his hands resting on his hips. He wore a black hoodie and ruined jeans with black sneakers.

"I'll tell Rose that we're leaving" I said.

"We're still going for breakfast, right?" he asked.

"Rose has to be at work in two hours, will that be okay?" I asked and he nodded.

"So, Tristan seems excited about school?" he said in a lighter mood. I knew he felt hurt about Tristan's doubt, and I wasn't helping in any way. I don't know why but my distrust of Edward prevented me from being truly happy to see Tristan so happy and carefree. It would take one disappointment to completely break my son. I couldn't help but worry that it would be so easy for Edward to truly hurt him, even if he didn't mean to.

"I think it has something to do with you being here" I grinned.

"Thank you, Bella, for letting me do this" he said with a sad smile.

I shrugged, "it's what Tristan wants, Edward" I admitted.

"But not what you want?" he questioned me. His eyes darkened slightly as his smile faded.

I shook my head slightly, biting my bottom lip. "I didn't say that…we'll talk about this later" I quickly said when I heard my son's footsteps coming closer to us.

"Are you ready?" I asked Tristan when he came to a halt in between Edward and me. As if he could sense the tension between us, he looked from me to Edward and back at me again. His eyes were pleading with me. I smiled and ruffled his hair, trying to reassure him, with my eyes, that everything was fine.

I knew I was being harsh towards Edward, but I needed to hold something back, until I knew that his intentions matched his actions.

_**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**_

Tristan couldn't contain his excitement when we got outside and learned that he would be riding to school in Edward's black _Volvo S60_. He explained that it was only a rental, but Tristan was too excited to even care. I knew this car's feature's because it was a car that I've wanted, and I promised myself that I would get one as soon as I finished my degree in English Lit. and had a steady job.

Tristan climbed into the back while I slid into the passenger seat. When Edward climbed into the driver seat, I was struck again by how all-encompassing his presence seemed. His scent filled the entire car, and I sitting in front hadn't made things easier. The closeness from the front of the car was electrifying with our elbows mere inches away from touching.

"What music were you listening to?" Tristan asked Edward.

Edward chuckled as he reached for the play button. The soft, yet melodic, piano notes filled the silence in the car. I turned my head towards Edward with a deep frown at the same time that Tristan burst out in laughter. Edward kept the smile plastered on his face, though, and I couldn't help but wonder why that was.

"Dad, no way" Tristan said in between a fit of giggles. I was still shocked at how fluently Tristan said 'dad', but to Tristan it came naturally. Even Edward wasn't fazed by the word. Edward looked into the rearview mirror, clearly enjoying Tristan's laughter.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked in mocked innocence.

"Please tell me that you were not listening to _that_" Tristan emphasized. He pulled his face in a disapproving manner just to get his point across.

"Why? What's wrong with this music?" Edward asked.

"It sucks" Tristan yelped and rolled his eyes as if it was to be obvious. I grinned at my son.

"It's good for the soul" Edward exclaimed. I couldn't help but shook my head a little. I felt a smile curve my lips; the way they interacted with each other amazed me. It was as if they've known each other forever, and not just since yesterday.

"I'm sorry" Tristan laughed again, holding the palms of his hands up. "This is too much, dad"

Edward pushed another button on the player, and the guitar riffs of a band I used to love filled the car. I quickly looked to Edward's side before I looked the other way, staring out of my side of the window.

"Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about" my son said. Edward chuckled.

The music made the drive to school go by quickly. Edward parked the car and Tristan practically leaped out of the back door. He bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for Edward and me to get out of the car. My heart was full with the sheer guilt I was feeling. This was probably one of the biggest moments in Tristan's life, and I deprived him of it years ago. He deserved to have had both his parents at his first day of school; yet, I was the only one who walked him to his class. I swallowed the sob that was about to escape away.

As Edward got out of the car Tristan jumped up and down in excitement. Edward had a look of pure contentment on his face as he took a stand on the other side of Tristan. Tristan took both our hands as he was walking in between Edward and me. I couldn't help but notice the look of pride on my son's face. This was something he longed for for so long, and now that it was actually happening, he was enjoying every single moment of it.

It took effort for me to keep my composure walking my son to the entrance with his father; I just felt as though I didn't fit – looking all family-like. Tristan had taken everything so easily, but then again, Tristan was Edward's flesh and blood, I wasn't. I was just the woman who gave birth to his son. The only thing that made everything worthwhile was Tristan's emphatic smile as he waved to us before he disappeared through the school doors. And as soon as my son's body disappeared from my sight, I breathed out on a long, slow breath.

"Bella," Edward whispered hoarsely, "I know this is hard for you, but thank you so much" he smiled crookedly; the sadness evidently displayed in his eyes. "I appreciate you letting me share this"

"You're right, this is hard for me" I stared at him for a long moment before I added, "but I'll do anything for Tristan, and if you being a part of his life makes him happy, then I will be happy as well"

I looked up to watch Edward as I opened the car door. He kept staring back at the school gates. The love for Tristan showed in his eyes, and my heart softened a bit. It was as clear as daylight that he loved Tristan, and no matter what this man had done to me, I couldn't find it in my heart to even hate him anymore. I could never hate someone who loved my son.

"Where shall we go? "Edward asked.

"There's a little diner just around the corner from here" I suggested and he nodded.

The atmosphere between us was thick with anticipation during the drive, but neither of us broke the silence.

My heart hammered in my chest when we entered the small diner and took a seat at the nearest table. Edward looked disgusted at his surroundings, and I couldn't help but laugh snidely.

He frowned, "What?"

"Can you at least pretend that you like the place? Fuck, since when have you become such a fucking snob?" I hissed.

"I'm just not used to these kinds of places" he answered innocently.

"Whatever" I spat.

Both of us ordered coffee. We sat in total silence after the waitress left – whom eye-fucked Edward first.

"You've done an amazing job with him, Bella" he said suddenly. "He's just…amazing"

I stared at Edward for a long time. For a moment he was the old Edward…my Edward. I cleared my throat.

"Thank you, Edward" I croaked out. Pride filled my heart that he admitted that to me. "So, how involved do you want to be in Tristan's life?" I asked carefully.

Edward's eyes bored into mine, "As involved as any father would be"

"How do you want to do this with you living in LA and we live in Seattle?" I asked the obvious question.

He chewed on the inside of his mouth. "I haven't figured that part out yet, but I'm not letting him go, Bella"

"You should figure it out then" I said without any feeling.

Edward's jaw twitched as if he was gritting his teeth. I knew I pushed a lot of his buttons, and I knew it took a lot of patience to not throw me with insults, but I couldn't help myself. I was still hurt…the wound was still raw.

"I don't want to be just some post script in his life" he gritted out.

"How are you going to pull that off with the band?" I asked, remembering how busy his life was ten years ago. And ten years ago his band wasn't even that famous yet. They are almost number one on the map today, and I remember reading about a tour they've got planned. They were also launching a new album and there were rumors of a three month tour.

The waitress appeared with our coffee, and I huffed in irritation when she placed the cups on the table with her back facing me. I wanted to point out that she was being rude, but I didn't want it to seem like I was jealous or something. So, I kept my mouth shut.

Edward poured milk into his coffee before his eyes met mine over the rim of his mug. "Screw the band" he said before he took a sip.

My eyes widened momentarily, "what?" I almost choked on the liquid in my mouth.

He placed his mug back on the table. "I've made a lot of mistakes, Bella. I'm not making any more" he said seriously. "I won't lose my son, too" he kept his piercing eyes on me.

I shook my head in unbelief. He would leave his band for Tristan? Why couldn't he have had the same feelings ten years ago? Things would have been so much easier…

"What?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You're a bastard" I said coldly. "That's it…a fucking bastard" I said again.

"You just love throwing insults my way, don't you? I've been patient, Bella, and I've swallowed every fucking insult or snide comment coming from you" he hissed. "It's getting old now, and I won't stand for it any longer"

"I'm just…I don't know you, Edward. I'm trying to figure you out" I said, "I've already witnessed your fucking temper first-hand-"

"I've already apologized for that, Bella. Are you going to bring that up every time?" he interrupted me.

I looked at him and sighed. "I just need to know that I can trust you around Tristan"

"You can trust me, Bella" he said in determination.

I wish it was that simple, but this man broke my heart. There was a time that I had trusted him with my life, but he let me down. He broke every bit of trust I had.

"I'd rather wait and let your actions prove that," I said with bitterness. "I trusted you ten years ago…"

"I know I let you down. I know I broke your heart, Bella" he admitted. "But I promise you that I won't let Tristan down, too"

"How can I believe you, Edward?" I asked incredulously. "You broke every promise you made to me" I was damn near tears. The past was coming up, and I knew we needed to talk about it; it was necessary to talk about it, but it fucking hurt so much.

He looked past me out the window, "I made snap decisions, Bella. Decisions that were-"

"Best for you," I accused, finishing his sentence for him.

"Yeah, I made shitty choices. And yeah, I let the the best thing in my life go" he hissed, "I was just so afraid…I had this weird fear of marriage – something you knew, by the way"

"You didn't even care how I was coping with it all," I said sadly. "When I walked away from you that day, I promised myself that I'll never go back to you. I promised myself that I wouldn't even call you, no matter how much I missed you" I said, staring at the table. "And, fuck, there were days that I wouldn't even get out of bed from missing you so damn much" I opened myself for a second. I looked back into his eyes and gasped. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

There was nothing about that time that could be more painful than the memory of lying in bed – day in and day out – crying out for him. In some ways, it was like he had never existed. I couldn't see him, I couldn't talk to him - I had absolutely eradicated him from my existence. The unbearable pain in my chest was an excruciating reminder of those awful days…

Edward rubbed a hand down his face, stopping at his mouth. I watched as he gripped his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger and a storm of emotions played out in his eyes. "I called Charlie every day, Bella, and every day he would tell me to fuck off," he explained, his voice was barely audible.

My eyes widened at his confession, my heart started racing with what felt like a million beats per second, "Wait, what?"

He looked at me in confusion, "What, Bella?"

"You called Charlie? When?" I asked.

"Every day since you left" he answered. I looked deeply into his eyes and knew he was telling the truth.

"Charlie never said anything" I said exasperated, drifting off to those days where I barely lived. Why would he keep something like that from me? He knew how much I missed Edward; he knew how I've cried myself to sleep…

"I shouldn't have said anything, I'm sorry" Edward apologized. He looked guilty now.

"Don't apologize, Edward. I had a right to know" I quickly said.

"I thought you knew…Charlie told me the last time I called that you didn't want anything to do with me" he shook his head, rubbing his hand down his face again, "I don't want to cause trouble between you and Charlie, Bella" he said.

"I had no idea of your calls, Edward" I said. He eyed me warily, as if he was looking for some untruth in my sentence, and after he found what he was looking for, he swallowed and looked at the table again.

"I guess that Charlie wouldn't have told you that I actually came back for you" he smiled crookedly, but there was a hint of sadness in his smile as he looked back at me. My eyes widened again…

"No" I managed to croak out. I bit my lip hard in an effort not to cry, but tears already stung my eyes and the vision of him sitting in front of me started to swim. "I need to get out of here" I said quickly while I stood up, the chair scraped across the floor causing a few people to look up from their tables. The traitorous tears flowed over the brims off my eyes and slowly rolled down my cheeks as I made my way to the exit of the diner. The rolling tears warmed my cold cheeks, but as soon as I pushed through the doors of the diner and exit to the outside, the wind blew the warmness away and it almost felt as if the tears froze on my cheeks.

_**You meant the world to me**_

_**All I have now is memories**_

_**Your love brought joy to my heart**_

_**You meant the world to me**_

_**Tears of sorrow stream from my broken soul**_

_**(When this world fades – As I lay dying)**_

"Bella" the velvet voice yelled my name but I walked faster to his car.

How could Charlie have done this to me? He knew I was pregnant…he knew how much I struggled without Edward.

"Bella" his voice whispered against my ear when I felt his hand on my shoulder. Calmness spread through my body at his touch – the way my body had always reacted when he touched me. I took a deep breath, relishing the feel of his hand on my shoulder, before I pulled my shoulder away from his hand.

"I'm sorry" I whispered hoarsely, "can we finish our conversation in your car?" I asked. I felt stupid for dropping my guard, and for losing it in front of Edward. I should be stronger; I'm supposed to be stronger. His revelations turned my heart upside down, and for the first time since I left Edward, I started having doubts about his feelings for me from ten years ago. He came back for me…he tried to call me.

I shook my head sideways as more tears filled my eyes.

"You don't have to apologize for anything" he said in a calm voice. He unlocked the car, and I got in without looking at him. I felt ashamed for my outburst, and for leaving him in the diner.

His loud sigh brought me out of my trance, and it was only now that I've realized he was already in the car. His presence was electrifying.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through everything alone" he whispered softly. He didn't say what I had to go through, but I knew what he was referring to; it was my pregnancy. It was the hardest thing I had to deal with – apart from the rape.

"Tell me about it" he said.

My head shot up and my eyes searched for his. Despite the lingering feelings of hurt and guilt that almost overwhelmed me, I couldn't find the words to express how deeply sorry I was…for everything I did to him…for everything I took from him…from both of them. I stare at him from the passenger seat as his eyes met mine. His eyes were filled with curiosity, sadness and longing.

"Edward, I can't" I manage to say around the lump in my throat. The guilt consumed me, almost suffocating me.

"Bella, please" he pleaded, his voice barely a whisper as his green eyes pierced mine.

"I don't want to cause you any more heartache" I said.

"You won't" he shook his head. "Please, I want to know everything, Bella" his eyes were pleading with mine, increasing the overwhelming guilt in my heart.

I started telling him all about my pregnancy, every single detail. He asked questions, and sometimes I struggled with the answers. Edward urged me to tell him everything, not leaving anything out. His eyes were filled with hunger for the knowledge about his son.

"What was the birth like?" he asked.

I swallowed hard as I recalled the day of Tristan's birth.

"I was already one week overdue" I swallowed, "I never dreamed that I would give birth to Tristan on your birthday" I whispered.

"That was some surprise" he chuckled. I was still amazed at how easily Edward calmed down over the fact that I lied to him…kept his son away from him.

I told him everything about Tristan's birth, except how I cried for him all the way through the delivery.

"Was it a difficult birth?" he asked, and I noticed how his Addams Apple bobbled up and down.

I shook my head, "No, not really" I smiled, "I was in labor for six hours before Tristan was born"

"Were you alone?" he asked with shadows lurking in his eyes.

"Rose was with me" I told him.

"Bella" he said my name softly, and I hummed in answered. Edward looked away from me, breaking eye-contact for the first time since we started talking about Tristan's birth. "Did you ever think about me?"

I swallowed hard. I couldn't lie to him, he would know if I had anyways.

"In the beginning you were all I ever thought about" I started telling him, "When Tristan was born, everything changed; my priorities, my focus…everything" I swallowed around the lump that formed in my throat, "but not a day has gone by where I wasn't reminded of you – even if it wasn't by choice"

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

"Tristan was born on the same day you were" I pointed down on my fingers, "he is the spitting image of you, he acts like you…he even inherited your smile for crying out loud"

"I see" he nodded.

"Everything was a painful reminder of what I've left behind, but Tristan made everything worthwhile. I lived and breathed for him, Edward" I sighed.

"I wish…" he stopped mid-sentence. His gaze remained fixed on some random point outside the car window.

"If there is one thing I regret, it's where I kept my pregnancy a secret from you, Edward" I whispered softly. It felt like Edward and I had come to some sort of reconciliation.

Edward started the engine of the car, and I assumed that we were done with our talk. I knew that we still had stuff to talk through, but the worst was over. Edward and I could now focus on our son and his future.

_**I fight these words; I bite my tongue, so I don't lie**_

_**Though it's me to blame, there is no more shame in me**_

_**I just feel the same, immune to all this pain**_

_**And the scars don't write a song for me at all**_

_**(I am stone – Demon Hunter)**_

**EPOV**

When we returned to Bella's apartment, we were welcomed by the most breathtaking little girl I've ever seen. She came running towards Bella and hugged her legs tightly.

"Mommy" she yelled. Her voice sounded like music, filling the cold apartment with warm musical notes. I swallowed hard. This must be Bella's daughter. Bella placed her hands on the little girl's shoulders as she looked at the woman who stood behind the little girl. A tall blonde woman looked at me coldly before she addressed Bella.

"I'm running a little late" she said hoarsely.

"I'm sorry about that, Rose" Bella apologized.

"Don't worry about it. I'll see you tonight" she said. She pulled her coat on and gave the little girl a kiss before she walked past me to the, still open, door. She treated me coldly, but I expected nothing more.

"Abbey" Bella croaked out, giving her attention to her daughter. She crouched down to the same level as her daughter and cupped her cheeks. "Why aren't you in bed?" she asked with a tinge of worry in her voice.

"I felt better, mommy" the little girl pouted, but her voice sounded raspy. She looked past her mom, cocking her head to the one side as she eyed me warily. I was struck again at her beauty. She was the spitting image of Bella, all right – except for the russet skin tone and black hair. Her big brown eyes looked at me curiously.

"Who is this?" Abbey asked Bella. Bella cleared her throat as she got up from her crouching position. She rested her hand on Abbey's head while she looked at me.

"Abbey, this is Edward" Bella introduced me to her daughter.

Her eyes narrowed a little but then they grew wide as if she figured something out.

"You must be Tristan's daddy" she jumped up and down in excitement. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yes, I am" I crouched down and held my hand out for her to take. She looked at my hand and then she looked at my face, before she decided to take my hand.

"Your hair is just as messy as my brother's" she exclaimed. I chuckled again at her pure innocence.

"Sure are" I smiled.

"Edward, would you like something to drink?" Bella asked.

"I'll have some of your hot chocolate" I said, craving the taste of her hot chocolate.

Abbey took a seat next to me on the couch in the living room. Her openness amazed me and she reminded me of Tristan in so many ways. It pained me even more to think how much I've missed out on my son's life.

"Why are you sad?" Abbey's voice brought me back to reality.

"I'm not sad" I lied.

"I can see it on your face" she said. She suddenly jumped forward and cupped my cheeks, "you have the same look on your face than mommy sometimes have"

"Why is your mommy sad?" I asked. Pure hunger filled my heart when she revealed something about her mom, hunger to know everything about Bella; things only her children would tell me.

She shrugged, "I think she misses my daddy" she pouted. My heart pounded painfully in my chest when Abbey revealed something about her father; something I knew nothing about…someone who held Bella's heart.

"Why would she miss your daddy?" I asked curiously.

Abbey's eyes grew sad, and my heart ached.

"He died" she said simply. My eyes widened at Abbey's confession about her father. I felt like a dick for asking about him and for causing such extreme sadness towards this little girl.

"I'm sorry," I said. She took her hands away from my cheeks, and my cheeks turned cold, missing her tiny hands already.

"'tis okay" she shrugged again, "I never knew him"

I looked at Abbey as she wringed her tiny fingers together. Her lips formed a pout as she focused on her fingers, and then her big brown eyes locked with mine again. So much sadness lingered in her eyes; I found it hard to believe that she hadn't known her father.

"It's kinda like Tristan" she continued. "Only you are not dead, like my daddy is" she sighed with a tremble.

Before I knew what I was doing, I raised my hand and tucked a strand of her beautiful black hair behind her ear, and cupped her cheek. She leaned into my hand with her eyes closed, a smile curving her lips.

"You remind me of your mommy so much" I whispered. "So beautiful"

Her giggles filled the room, creating a beautiful symphony.

"My mommy is beautiful, too" she said through a fit of giggles.

"She sure is, Princess" I said. The nickname rolled off of my tongue as if I said it every day. It came so naturally to interact with Abbey, as if I had known her since birth; it reminded me of my interactions with Tristan. No discomfort, no atmosphere…everything came so easily. Her eyes widened at the nickname I used.

"Princess? Am I your princess?" she asked, clasping her hands over her mouth with widened eyes. I chuckled.

"If you want to be" I said, not knowing if I said something wrong.

She nodded her head ferociously, "I'd love to be your princess" she said in excitement.

I couldn't believe how deep she crawled into my heart in just the few minutes I've come to know her. Maybe it was because she was Tristan's sister – and even though they don't share the same father, they sure as hell share the same mother. Their DNA is the same – even if by a little. Or, maybe it was because she was a part of Bella…I had no clue why, but she crawled into my heart from the moment I laid eyes on her…from the moment she came running towards Bella with her black hair swinging from one side to the other as she ran, her big chocolate brown eyes all sparkly as she looked at her mom with so much love and adoration. It's so clear that Tristan and Abbey adore their mom, and worship the ground she walked on.

"Are you here to stay?" Abbey brought me out of my reverie. My eyes widened and a small gasp escaped my lips.

"Abbey, are you bombarding Edward with questions?" Bella's voice came from my back and I sighed in relief. I had no idea how to answer Abbey's question. Was I here to stay? Hell-fucking-yeah I was here to stay…I just had no idea how I was going to win my family back. I had no idea how I was going to win Bella's heart back. All I knew was that I had to figure out how to get closer to my son. I had to figure out a way to stay close to my son and to get to know him…to build a relationship with him.

"Mommy, guess what?" Abbey left my side and danced towards Bella. Bella smiled so genuinely and so lovingly that it electrocuted my heart, bringing it back to life to see Bella so alive…so fucking beautiful. Bella crouched down to level with her daughter, and Abbey's arms immediately reached out towards her mother's face. I've come to know that Abbey likes touching people…it's absolutely adorable how she cupped everybody's cheeks.

"What?" Bella asked curiously, causing her eyes to sparkle with the excitement of hearing what her daughter wanted to say.

"Edward said that I'm his princess" she declared. Bella's head shot up and her eyes met mine from across the room. There were so many emotions dancing behind those gorgeous eyes, but before I could even try to decipher even one…she guarded her eyes again, displaying only coldness. She kept her smile plastered on her face, though.

"Really? That's sweet, baby-girl" Bella said.

"Can Edward stay with us, mommy?" she suddenly asked her mom. I almost choked on the hot chocolate Bella made for me.

"Baby" Bella brushed Abbey's hair from her face, "Edward has his own life" Bella explained.

Abbey placed her finger on her lips, rolling her eyes to the side as if in deep thought. A smile curved my lips because the resemblances between mother and daughter were so precise. Plus, Abbey looked cute as hell.

"But he is Tristan's daddy" she argued.

"Yes, he is Tristan's daddy, but he also has a girlfriend" Bella explained with a sigh. I guessed that Abbey understood the entire boyfriend/girlfriend thing because she nodded her head.

"Like you and Jakey" she smiled, and Bella nodded.

"Yes, like Jake and me" she agreed with a smile.

I guessed that Jake was _the_ fiancé. It tore through my heart to learn more about Bella's boyfriend…to learn that she's in love again. I knew I had no foot to stand on since I was engaged to be married myself, but in my case, I had no idea what I was going to do about Tanya. I just knew that I had to make a decision, and I had to make one before I returned to LA. It was unfair to not be honest with Tanya about my real feelings; she deserved someone who could love her like she deserved to be loved. Not someone who only wanted her in his life because he was afraid of being alone.

"I'm sorry if she was a little too personal" Bella apologized, bringing me out of my thoughts about Tanya. I realized that Abbey left the room. "She went to the bathroom" Bella explained when she saw how I looked around the room for Abbey.

"She wasn't personal, Bella" I said.

"When are you leaving for LA?" she asked. I may be wrong but she seemed eager to get rid of me.

"Why?" I asked.

"I was just curious, Edward"

"I'm leaving on Friday afternoon after school" I said, "I'd like to see Tristan before I leave, if that's okay" I added quickly.

She nodded her head, "of course"

"What happened to Abbey's father?" I dared to ask her. Bella's face ashen, fear filled her eyes and her hands started trembling.

"How do you know about him?" she asked. Her voice trembled.

"Urm…Abbey told me about him" I stuttered.

She shook her head, "he's dead" she uttered, but I could tell that she was lying. I've known Bella since we were little kids, and if there was one thing Bella couldn't do in front of me, it was to tell a lie. I could see right through her.

"I can tell that you're lying" I whispered, "but I won't push you into telling me anything. You obviously have your reasons" I said.

"It's for the best" she whispered, offering me at least some kind of explanation – even though I was still in the dark. I could tell that something had happened between her and Abbey's father, and that Bella wanted to keep it from Abbey.

"Tristan is going to be devastated when you leave" she said. It touched my heart that she uttered that sentence out loud, telling me that my son already wanted me in his life.

"I _have_ to go" I said. My throat swelled at the thought of leaving my son, and not seeing him for a few months. It damn near killed me just to think about it. "I have to make some serious decisions, Bella, and sort my life out on that side before I can come back here" I confessed.

Her eyes met mine – eyes filled with millions of questions. "What do you mean?"

"I wish I could explain it to you, but_ I_ can't. I just know that I won't live without my son" I answered.

"I see" she bit her bottom lip.

"You have a beautiful daughter, Bella, you did such an amazing job with her as well – just like Tristan" I admitted once again.

"Thanks" she said.

"Bella," I said and waited for her to look into my eyes, "I'll never do anything to hurt Tristan"

She didn't answer, she just stared at me with so much doubt in her eyes that a pain shot through my heart knowing I did that to her. I made a vow to myself then and there that I would do everything in my power to win her trust back, to erase all of the doubt from her heart…

_**I remember when  
We used to drive  
Anywhere but here  
As long as we'd forget our lives  
We were so young and confused that we didn't know  
To laugh or cry  
Those nights were ours  
They will live and never die**_

_**(Those nights – Skillet)**_

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoO

**Please review and tell me what you thought. I promise things will get better from now on. I just hope that everyone can understand that I can't rush Bella and Edward's relationship…it won't work that way. I will understand if you don't want to stick with the story because of it, but this is not one of those short stories…I'm sorry.**

**So, I've been away for a couple of days but I'm back now, and I've been writing non-stop. I'll post regularly again…if my son allows it (LOL) **

**Please, please review…**


	11. Chapter Ten - Decisions

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Lyrics in this Chapter belong to: Sometimes – Skillet

When this world fades – As I lay dying

Reflection – As I lay dying

A greater foundation – As I lay dying

November Rain – Guns 'n Roses

Please read the author's note at the bottom!

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOo

_**Sometimes don't deny  
That everything is wrong  
Sometimes rather die  
Than to admit it's my fault  
Sometimes when you cry  
I just don't care at all**_

_**(Sometimes – Skillet)**_

Chapter Ten – Decisions

_**EPOV**_

I sighed in relief when I turned the key to the door of my massive mansion in LA. I used to love this house, it was my escape from the world, but all I wanted to do right now was to go back to Seattle and be with my son. Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life – apart from letting Bella go.

I opened the door to the massive hallway and dropped my suitcases in the middle as I entered my house. I threw Alice's car keys and my house keys on the table against the wall, and went straight to my bar. I borrowed Alice's car after spending the entire afternoon with her. Alice picked me up at the airport because I never gave Tanya my flight details…let's just say, I tried to prolong my homecoming.

My heart was in absolute pain after I left my son. The tears that pooled in his eyes, when I said goodbye to him, killed me. I poured myself a whisky and took a seat on one of the stools. I closed my eyes as I remembered how my son cried after I told him I had to leave…the doubt that was always so clear in his emerald eyes, increased by double. It broke my heart to know that he doubted me. I promised him that I would be back, but his eyes had only displayed doubt.

"_Dad, can we do something this weekend?" Tristan asked. It still amazed me how easily the word 'dad' rolled off of his lips. I was in awe every time he said it, and I found that my heart craved to hear it more and more. It was as if I couldn't get enough of him calling me dad. Plus, it must have meant something to Tristan as well, because he wouldn't say one sentence without using the word 'dad', as if it was of utmost importance to him as well._

"_Urm…Tristan, buddy, I have to tell you something" I said. Tristan met my serious eyes and a frown formed on his forehead._

"_What's up, dad?" he asked. He plopped down on the couch beside me and raked his fingers through his unruly hair._

"_Tris, I have to leave for a while" I started to explain. His eyes widened and immediately filled with fear. "I'm not leaving forever, I promise, but I have to go back to LA to sort some stuff out" I added quickly._

_Tristan shook his head sideways. My heart cracked open and started to gush out gallons of blood as I saw two single teardrops escaped his closed eyes. My hand shot forward, and I quickly wiped the tears with my thumb. "Tris, please don't be sad" I begged, swallowing around the lump that formed in my throat._

"_I can't lose you" he croaked out, "not again" his voice trembled as more tears escaped his eyes._

"_You won't lose me, Tristan" I said with determination. "I'm coming back"_

"_How can I believe you?" he cried._

_I scooped him up and held him against my chest. I held him so tight that I thought I was going to suffocate him, but I had no strength to let him go. My arms were locked around my son, and I wished that I never had to leave him. I wished that everything could be simple for once…I wished I could just drop everything in LA!_

"_I know it's hard for you to trust me, and I swear to you that I will do everything in my power to gain your trust" I whispered against his wet cheek. "I promise you that I wouldn't have left if it wasn't necessary. I really need to sort things out with the band, Tristan, but I promise you that this will be the last time that I'll ever have to go away from you ever again" I said with force._

_For a second, rage filled my heart once again towards Bella, but I quickly gained control and calmed down. I hated to see my son in so much pain and with so much doubt. Doubt I never even deserved because I was deprived to be a part of his life, but I promised myself that I would just work harder to build a relationship, filled with trust, with my son. It was something I desperately needed from Tristan…trust. _

"_Will you call me?" he asked._

_I nodded my head, "Every day, I promise"_

"_When will you be back?" he asked._

_I sighed. "I can't answer that"_

"_Why not?" he cried again._

"_I don't know how long it'll take to sort everything out" I sighed, "And I don't want to make a promise on a specific date if I'm not sure about that" I said painfully. My heart constricted inside my chest, blocking my ventilation, and caused extreme pain with every breath I took. _

"_Dad, I don't want you to go" he sobbed._

_My arms circled around him again, his arms tightened around my neck, and we held onto one another as if our very lives depended on it. _

"_I don't want to go either," I said hoarsely. _

"_I love you, dad" he whispered. My heart stopped beating for a second when he uttered those words for the very first time. My heart swelled. Those words had the same effect as when Bella uttered those exact words when we were sixteen. Sure, she said it lots of times before, but when we were sixteen it was an entire different feeling. It wasn't just teenager love anymore…our feelings became so much stronger and more serious. When Bella whispered those words into my ear all those years ago, I genuinely felt it. Our hearts combined that night in a way that I can't even begin to describe…that's when we made love for the very first time. Our bodies became one just like our hearts, and the 'I love you's' weren't just words anymore. _

"_Oh, Tristan, I love you more than words can say" I said. My voice was hoarse from all the emotions. _

I swallowed the whisky and hissed as the liquid burned all the way down to my stomach. I was bushed, but very hesitant to go up to bed. I knew Tanya was there waiting for me, and honestly, I had no idea what to do, or how to handle this fucking situation. That's why I've been hanging out by Alice's house after my plane landed. I had also ignored Tanya's calls because I had no idea what to say to her, or how to act around her, even.

I sighed as I made my way to the stairs, climbing every step one by one, and paused at the top. I saw the light shone from under my bedroom door. Tanya always slept with the bedside lamp on when I'm not at home. I don't know why the fuck not, seeing as she is so fucking adamant about pussy's in this world. She wasn't as brave and strong as she pretended to be…

My feet dragged me down the long hallway to my bedroom. My shoulders felt heavy - as if I was carrying the entire world's problems on them - when my hand reached out and turned the doorknob. I sighed in relief when I saw Tanya's fetus positioned body fast asleep, but the sigh turned into a low hiss when I saw that she was asleep on my side of the bed. I groaned inwardly. I wouldn't be able to sleep on her side; I'm pretty adamant about my side of the bed.

After I took a long hot shower, I made my way to the bed – fully dressed in flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt. Usually I would sleep naked, but just the mere thought of sleeping naked next to Tanya caused goosebumps all over my body – not the good kind of goosebumps. I sighed softly – not to wake Tanya up – as I sneaked into my bed, on Tanya's side. As soon as my head touched her pillows, I knew I was not going to sleep at all. Her pillows felt all wrong. Plus, lying next to her felt wrong…as if I was cheating on Bella! The thought was ridiculous, but the guilt that built up in my heart – since I climbed into my bed a few second ago – increased, and constricted my heartbeats so that every beat was torturous.

I groaned as I threw the sheets off of my body and swung my feet out of bed. I wanted to kick myself for climbing into the same bed as her in the first place. What the hell was I thinking? I tiptoed to my futon in front of the window and literally sighed as my body relaxed on it. The last thing I remember thinking about was Tanya and our relationship…

The next morning, I awoke to the sound of my shower running. For a long while, I stared up at the white ceiling of my bedroom. I had the most vivid dream of Bella and that last morning we spent together on her 21st birthday – the day our lives changed forever. _Everything in the dream was so real that I could taste her lips as I kissed her passionately…the sweet taste of her blazing skin as my lips trailed down her gorgeous, writhing body. And fuck, it was sexy as hell_. My dick screamed for me to shut the fuck up, or to stop thinking about that dream at least, because he needed some serious attention.

I drew in a deep breath and exhaled, running one hand through my hair, scratching my stomach with the other. I was a fucking idiot for letting Bella go…how the fuck could I have done that to her; to the woman I love more than life itself. I needed Bella like I needed fucking air to breathe; no wonder I suffocated through these last ten years…the constricted pain in my lungs started the moment I left that hotel room, knowing Bella was going to leave me. I knew by the look in her eyes that she wasn't going to wait for me…still; I left, hoping she would wait.

_**You meant the world to me**_

_**All I have now is memories**_

_**Your love brought joy to my heart**_

_**You meant the world to me**_

_**Tears of sorrow stream from my broken soul**_

_**(When this world fades – As I lay dying)**_

I drew in another breath, running my hand through my hair again. I could see the bathroom from the futon; the door had been left ajar, and through the narrow slit I could see Tanya's arm and leg emerging from the shower, reaching for the towel…

My eyes widened, and I flipped over to my other side, pretending to be asleep. My emotions were all over the place; the fucking lustful dream about Bella, the trip down memory-lane, the heartache and the determination to have that long-awaited talk with Tanya…all of this with a twitching dick!

I heard Tanya step out of the bathroom; the swirling steam from the hot shower surrounded me. I tried to listen to her footsteps, but they were silenced with the thick carpet on my floor. I tried to regulate my breathing, but fuck; it was so hard when I felt the slight shift on the futon I was sleeping on. My body went rigid when I felt her bare body pressed up against my back. I was chastising myself for taking of my shirt during the night.

"Edward…" she purred into my ear. Cold shivers ran down my spine as her lips caressed my earlobe. I wanted to throw her off of me, but instead I kept my eyes closed tightly…and swallowed hard. I focused hard not to move.

"Edward, are you awake?"

I kept my eyes shut; pretending to sleep was so fucking hard while lying on a futon – meant for one person – with a woman pressed up against my back. I had to try and balance myself so that I wouldn't fall off of the damn futon, and I had to pretend that I was fast asleep…all this with my heart beating in my throat as her hands trailed up and down my side, scratching softly with her long nails.

Tanya shook me firmly, and I knew my pretending was over. It was also obvious that she was pretty adamant about waking me for sex.

"What is it, Tanya?" I asked without turning over. My voice was still thick and rough from sleep.

"You never called to give me your flight details" she accused.

"Sorry" I mumbled.

"It's okay. You're here now" she whispered.

Tanya ran her fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck and pressed her body closer to mine. Fuck! I squeezed my lids tighter.

_**I laid the night before me**_

_**Unraveled the tangles of my heart**_

_**All I felt was stale hollow air**_

_**These streams of uncertainty**_

_**They are collapsing upon my mind**_

_**(Reflection – As I lay dying)**_

I can't do this anymore. I can't stand one more day with Tanya. Everything is so fucked; a week ago, I was planning on marrying this woman. I hadn't cared that I was living a lie with Tanya because life hadn't mattered to me anymore. A week ago I would have buried myself in this woman, taking her just the way I wanted to, without even giving it a second thought. But now, the only thing I felt was my balls trying to crawl back into my abdomen, and my dick hiding under the covers like a scared fucking kid. Thank goodness my dick decided to calm the fuck down…

The mere thought of turning around and touching this woman…I shook my head…touching her would felt like a betrayal of some kind; like I'd be cheating on Bella for fuck's sake. Who was I kidding? From the very first moment I had ran into Bella, a few nights ago, my relationship with Tanya had no chance. Tanya was always just a distraction from my painful world. It had always been Bella…it would always be Bella.

"Edward…" she purred softly.

I could hear the lust – the raw desire in her voice. Bile rose to my throat because all I kept thinking about was Bella.

Her fingernails trailed lower from my neck, across my shoulders, ghosting down my back and trailing softly to my stomach where her fingers played with the soft, curly hair on my lower abdomen. My heart had stopped beating when her fingers slipped underneath my pants. Her touch left me cold…and my balls tried even harder to crawl deeper into my abdomen.

I clenched my jaw, and cleared my throat. "I had a really long flight, Tanya. I'm bushed"

Her hand froze and pulled out of my pants. She exhaled loudly and withdrew her body from touching mine. For a long while, she simply lay there next to me, our bodies merely touching as the space on the futon was minimal. I felt her shift and get up. I sighed in relief.

I heard drawers pull open loudly and closet doors slammed shut.

"What the hell is going on with you?" she asked in an obviously irritated tone.

I exhaled through narrowed lips. I turned around slowly and lay back on my back.

"We should talk" I breathed out.

She swung around and looked at me with narrowed eyes. She was obviously still pissed about the rejection from my side, but I couldn't care less. Bile rose to my throat at the mere thought of touching her. I just wanted one woman and one woman only – Isabella Swan – and if I couldn't have Bella then I don't want any other woman. I would never settle for second best ever again. And even if things could never work out between Bella and me, I still had my son to focus on. I needed to concentrate on Tristan first. He is my number one priority…forever. Getting Bella back would be a big fucking added bonus.

"About" she prompted.

I came up and swung my feet to the ground. I was, once again, grateful for the flannel pajama pants that I wore. I exhaled again and raked my fingers through my bed hair. I stood up and stretched long and hard. My arms paused in the air when Tanya approached me, wrapping her arms around my waist, and she leaned in to kiss me. I slowly moved my head back and dropped my arms. Her eyes widened.

"Edward, what's going on? You never called me, you slept on the fucking futon, and you don't even kiss me hello…" she threw her hands into the air.

"The last time we spoke, you threw me out of our hotel room" I hissed in anger. I was a dick throwing that in her face because I knew that it hadn't bothered me when she threw me out. But, the argument that was about to emerge was welcomed in more ways than one. It was a starting point for what laid ahead…

"Can you honestly blame me for doing that exact thing?" she asked incredulously. She shook her head, "you've lied to me for years, Edward, years!" she exclaimed.

"I'm not having _that_ conversation with you, again" I hissed back. "We had this exact conversation the other night, and I explained myself to you. I refuse to do so again"

"Okay" she sighed. "Obviously this bothers you, so I'm sorry I threw you out of the hotel room" she apologized. "I was in shock when I learned that you had a very serious relationship before me, and then to have learned that you had a son…" she shook her head again.

I chuckled.

"I'm glad you find it so amusing" she fumed.

I held my one hand up while the other rubbed the back of my neck, "I found out that I had a son that night, so excuse me if you thought you were the only one in shock"

"Did you meet him?" she asked softly, changing the subject for a second.

I nodded.

"And…" she prompted.

"He's amazing. Bella did an amazing job raising him" I said.

My heart felt so much lighter already. Meeting my son had been the best thing that could have happened in my life at that moment. I had so much hatred and bitterness inside my stone heart, but Tristan had the power to almost break through every brick I've build around my heart. I was able to see a little light shining from my heart, breaking through the pitch-black darkness.

"You forgave her" Tanya uttered out in shock. I looked at Tanya in irritation.

"No, I won't say that I've forgiven her" I said. "I'm trying to, though, for my son's sake" I added quickly.

"What is the real problem here, Edward?" she asked with her one hand resting on her hip.

"I don't have a problem"

"Yes, you do. This whole '_you kicked me out of my hotel room'_ argument is absolute bullshit" she almost yelled. "What is your real problem?"

"I just…" I swallowed.

"What? The famous Edward Cullen has no words? Just man the fuck up and say it" she yelled.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore" I yelled out in anger.

"Do what? You should be more specific" she uttered in more fury. Her words were full of fury but her eyes told a different story, they were full of fear, and I knew that she knew what I was about to say.

"Us" I whispered. I kept my eyes on her and when her eyes shot full of tears, I looked away. I hate that I was hurting her but there was no other way.

"We're getting married in three months…" she shook her head sideways, refusing to acknowledge what I've just said.

"Tan, I can't marry you" I said softly.

"Why? We've been together for seven years, Edward, seven fucking years, and now that you've ran into your fucking ex again, you suddenly can't marry me?" she snorted. Tears ran down her cheeks.

"I…"

"Can you honestly look at me and tell me that you don't love me?" she asked. I quickly looked away because she was expecting me to say 'no'. Was Tanya that blind that she could honestly not see that I never loved her?

"Look at me, Edward, and be honest" she demanded.

I cleared my throat as I looked back at her again. We stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like a really long time, but were actually only a few seconds.

"I'm sorry, Tan" I shook my head.

"Say the fucking words, Edward" she yelled hysterically.

"I never loved you" I said truthfully.

She shook her head viciously while she clasped her hands over her mouth, sobbing loudly now. "I don't believe you" she said behind her hands.

"Don't make this harder on yourself" I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Why did you ask me to marry you? Why did you stay with me for seven years?"

"After Bella left me so completely broken, I promised myself that no woman will ever hurt me like that again. The only way that that was possible, was if I dated someone that I couldn't love" I explained.

Tanya walked towards me very slowly. I clenched my jaw.

"So you used me?" she narrowed her eyes.

"No, I never used you. If that was the case, I would have walked away from you long ago because there's nothing to use, Tanya. You're not a usable person" I hissed. "I actually enjoyed your company and – at the time – I thought we had a lot in common. It is clear as fucking daylight that I am delusional about _that_" I rubbed the back of my neck, "because we have less than fucking zero in common"

Everything happened so fast that I wouldn't be able to recall specifically what had happened, but Tanya's hand connected with my cheek as she slapped me so hard that the sound echoed through the room. My head swung to the side from the force she used, and it burned like fucking hell. I opened and closed my jaw as my hand rubbed my burning cheek.

"You fucking bastard" she cried. "I've wasted seven years of my life on you, and you tell me this _now_. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Tanya, calm down-"

"Don't tell me what to do" she yelled. She was close to losing it.

"Tanya-"

"I can't believe you're doing this to me, Edward" she shook her head. "Bella came back and you kick me to the curb-"

"Bella's not back" I quickly corrected her. "I ran into her, remember? It wasn't as if I was looking for her or anything" I turned my back towards her and rubbed my neck again. "And you're making the wrong assumptions about Bella and me…we're not back together or anything" I defended.

"You've changed since you ran into her. Why are you breaking up with me after you saw her again?" she asked.

"Because I now realize that you can't settle for anything but the best. I can't marry someone I don't love – it will not be fair to either you or me, Tanya"

"You still love Bella?" she asked.

"I've never stopped loving her" I confessed out loud. "I don't know if we'll ever be able to work through our hurt and anger, but I owe it to my son to at least try"

"I can't believe you're doing this to me" she shook her head again. I slowly turned around to face her again; face a broken Tanya…a side of Tanya I've never seen before. Tanya never showed this kinds of emotions because she believed that it was only pussy's who broke down.

"It never was my intention to hurt you, Tan" I said. "I can't even give you a millimeter of my heart, and that's not fair to you. It will destroy the both of us in the end"

"You're still a bastard" she said, "and please save your fucking explanations and apologies"

"I don't know what to say to you" I said honestly.

"Fuck you, Edward" she said, her voice dripped with venom. She stormed towards the cupboard and grabbed a suitcase.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"I'm packing my shit and getting out of this fucking house" she said out of breath while viciously throwing clothes into the small suitcase, "away from you" she added.

"You don't have to do that, Tanya" I said. She stopped packing, looking hopeful for a minute. "I'll stay in a hotel so you can pack and leave on your own time" I added. She narrowed her eyes.

"Screw you and your fucking house" she yelled.

She was pissed and I knew there was no way that she was going to listen to anything I had to say. I sighed. That was hard. I never meant to hurt Tanya and if it wasn't for running into Bella again, I probably would have married Tanya – even though I would have been unhappy every single day.

"Do what you want" I said as I headed for my bathroom. I wasn't planning on begging her; I made the suggestion and if she wanted to be a hard-ass about it, then so be it. I was willing to leave my house for her.

"I'll send Irina to come get my other stuff" she said. Her voice trembled now, all signs of anger vanished as the heartache pushed forward.

I closed the bathroom door behind me without answering Tanya. She knew how I felt about Irina, but I also realized that I had no choice in the matter. I just wanted to get my life in order.

As I turned the water on in the shower, I mentally checked the first thing off of my list – Tanya Denali. The second thing – probably the most difficult thing on my list – awaited me, and I genuinely had no idea how I was going to handle it.

_**Sometimes we have to watch our whole lives fall apart,**_

_**Before we can rebuild them again - a greater foundation.**_

_**(A greater Foundation – As I lay dying)**_

I sat across a shocked Alice, Jasper and Leah. I have just announced that I was leaving the band. The atmosphere in the room was thick as seconds turned into minutes of silence from them. I waited patiently for them to come to terms with what I have just announced.

I have given this a lot of thought and asked myself every question I could think about. Was I doing the right thing by leaving my band, my sister, my best friend? Was I really willing to give up my dreams? Was I prepared to live without my music?

The answer was so simple because I had to only think about Bella and Tristan. I had made a huge fucking mistake ten years ago, but I promised myself that I wouldn't make that same mistake again. Even if Bella could never find it in her heart to forgive me and give me another chance, I had to do this for my son. He needed me, and I couldn't be a good father travelling around the world to make good fucking music. I couldn't even think of touring for even a week without my son.

So, I came to this conclusion; fuck my music, fuck my dreams and fuck my band. Tristan and Bella are my fucking life. If anything I've learned in the past ten years it was that life without Bella had no meaning. My dreams without Bella had no meaning. My music meant nothing without Bella. And now, Tristan was a part of each of these sentences. My life was empty without Bella and Tristan…and if Bella would let me, I'd like to make Abbey a part of my life as well.

"You can't do this" Leah hissed. "You are bound to this band, Edward. What about the tour?"

"Nothing about the tour is finalized, is it? We only speculated about it…"

"You are under contract-"

"Leah, I know what my contract says" I said in irritation.

"Well, we object" she sneered.

"I don't-"

"Excuse me, Leah" Alice interrupted me. She held her hand towards me and pointed towards Leah with the other, "When we discussed our contracts all those years ago, we specifically made it so that if one of us decided to leave the band, they would have the freedom to do so, provided the other band-members agreed to it" she hissed towards Leah. "We didn't want to be bound to a band if we wanted out. We knew at some point that this day would come, if not Edward then Jasper and me"

"Without Edward this band means nothing" Leah bellowed.

"Who said that there will still be a band?" Alice asked smugly. My head shot up in shock towards my sister and then at Jasper. He had a broad smile on his face, nodding slowly.

"What do you mean?" Leah asked in shock.

"Well, Jasper and I knew from the moment he met his son that it was over. We discussed it and decided that if Edward wanted out, we won't stop him, and we will quit as well" Alice chuckled, "Call this the break-up" she giggled.

I shook my head with a chuckle.

"Ali, Jazz, you don't have to give up your dreams just because of me" I said earnestly but couldn't contain the smile that spread broadly on my face.

"We're not giving up on our dreams, Ed" Jasper answered quickly. "We're just changing it a bit"

A frown formed on my forehead.

"Edward, I'm six weeks pregnant" Alice blurted. My eyes widened in surprise. She nodded her head with a smile. I jumped up and made my way towards my sister. I grabbed her and twirled her around and around while hugging her tightly. Her melodic laughter filled the room and changed the awkward atmosphere into an atmosphere of happiness…pure and blissful joy.

"I'm so happy for you" I whispered into her ear. "Congratulations. I know how long you've been trying"

I let her out of my arms as Jasper joined his wife's side. I shot my hand out towards Jasper and pulled him in for a manly hug when he took my hand, patting his back. "Congrats, bro"

"Thank you" he smiled. "I'm thinking of teaching music or something like that" he explained.

"That's a brilliant idea…maybe I'll do the same" I said as the wheels in my head started turning.

"I hate to be the party pooper" Leah said, "but we still have matters to discuss"

"Oh, Leah, just get over it" Alice said. "Eclipse is over"

"What do you want me to tell the press?" she asked.

"We'll announce it to our own fans, just organize a press conference" Jasper said.

"Are you guys sure about this? The world loves you-"

"We're sure. We've had our time in this business, it's time to move on from all of this" I said.

On my part, I've never been surer about anything in my life. If I was given a chance to go back to the day that Bella asked me to choose her, I would choose her without a doubt. And it wasn't just because of Tristan, no, it was because I had to live ten years without her. I had to live ten years without touching, kissing, holding and making love to her. Ten years without looking into those gorgeous brown pools, her bubbly laughter, her voice, her whispering 'I love you's'…

In those ten years I've been through absolute hell. I've come to regret the choices I've made. And even though I wouldn't be able to get those years back, I was sure as hell going to try my damn hardest to make Bella mine again. I would try and win her heart until my very last breath.

"Thank goodness the album is being released in two days" Leah sighed. "You know that _Amped-Music _is not going to be happy about this, don't you?" Leah asked.

"Tough shit" Alice giggled again.

After my meeting with the band, I had a desperate need to call my son and share the news with him, however, I wanted to surprise him. Besides, I had no clue for how long I still had to stay in LA. I didn't want to get his hopes up and I still had to be here for a while.

It was the highlight of my day when I called him. Just to hear his voice over the phone made my day so much better, but it also made me miss him even more. I was eager to get this fucking band-thing over and done with.

As I dialed Charlie's number, I wondered how long Bella would be out of town. I could still hear her voice in my mind when she answered the phone last night. I almost fainted because she never answered the phone when I called Tristan. I was also surprised to learn that she was out of town and that my son was at Charlie's. Fucking Charlie! I was still pissed at him...

After a few rings, I sighed in relief when I heard my son's greeting and not Charlie's. My heart ached being apart from him.

"Dad, guess what?" he said excitedly after our greeting.

"No, tell me" I smiled. I could imagine how his eyes were lit up with excitement right now.

"We had to prepare a speech at school today"

"Oh, about?" I asked.

"Urm, music…anyway, I made a speech about you" he babbled on. I was surprised to hear this.

"Really? And what did you say about me?" I asked curiously.

"My speech was about your band, mostly" he chattered excitedly. "You are such an inspiration to so many people, especially a few kids in my class, and they're so jealous that you're my dad, by the way, but there's a few that doesn't believe me" he babbled without taking a breath.

I chuckled.

"I guess you can always show me off when I come back to Seattle" I suggested.

I heard a deep gasp, "Really? Oh man, that will be so freaking cool, dad" he laughed. "They'll definitely believe me then, and I'll have the last laugh" he said. "Wait, you said you're coming back? When?" he asked.

I sighed. The crack in my heart deepened when I still heard the doubt in his voice.

"Tris, I promised you I would come back-"

"I know, but mom said that I must remember that you're in a band, and that by being in a band, requires a lot of touring and stuff" he said sadly.

"Well, yeah, your mom's right" I sighed. "But, I made a promise to you and I'm keeping my promise, Tristan" I explained. I was a little pissed at Bella for saying those things to Tristan. Was she trying to ruin the little trust I had with Tristan?

"I believe you, dad" he said. "So, when are you coming back because I miss you so much" he sighed.

"I still have a few things to work out, but it won't take too long, I promise" I cooed. "How is Abbey doing?" I asked.

"She's fine, she's drawing pictures for you and mom" he said.

"I can't wait to see them" I chuckled.

We discussed a few things we would do when I returned to Seattle. We said our goodbyes after almost an hour on the phone.

I desperately needed Bella's forgiveness and trust. I needed for her to see that I would do anything for her and Tristan…I just hoped that deep down, under all of her bitterness and anger, she still loved me. I had to make her see that we belong together…

_**And when your fears subside  
And shadows still remain  
I know that you can love me  
When there's no one left to blame  
So never mind the darkness  
We still can find a way**_

_**(November Rain – Guns 'n Roses)**_

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOo

A/N: I am so sorry. I know this is very late, but I had real life issues!

Guys, I'm a nervous wreck when posting a chapter. I have received some pretty hectic messages about the pace of the story, about Jacob and Tanya, about Edward being a dick, Bella being a bitch etc etc etc. My heart is literally beating in my throat every time I post a chapter, and reading your reviews. I don't know how to make everyone happy because how can someone expect B & E to jump into bed together after ten years of hatred? I mean, will you do that in real life? Fuck, I know I won't. Anyway, like I said before, if you don't like the story please don't read it and please don't leave rude reviews and PM's because I will block you.

So, I have some good news. The next chapter is all done…so if you guys review this chapter I'll post the next chapter tomorrow night! I promise…no delays. The next chapter is from Bella's POV to see what she's been up to and there's quite a few hectic scenes!


	12. Chapter Eleven - Exposed

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, songs etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER AS PROMISED. PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW…**

Lyrics in this chapter belongs to: A shot across the bow – Mayday Parade

The Mortician's daughter – Black Veil Brides

Amy says – Flyleaf

Last kiss goodbye – Hinder

In the Dark – Flyleaf

_**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOoOoOo**_

_**No, it's not supposed to hurt this much**_

_**But when someone slowly breaks it off**_

_**It tends to leave a bitter taste**_

_**A scar, that slowly rips apart**_

_**(A shot across the bow – Mayday Parade)**_

Chapter Eleven – Exposed

BPOV

Tristan sat by the window in his room and stared at the black night. I sighed. Ever since Edward left a week ago, he had been distant…and sad. I was still amazed at how quickly they bonded in such a short amount of time. It was clear that Tristan missed his dad, but I couldn't foresee anything good come out of this. Edward lived in LA; his band was almost constantly on tour…

"Tris, I hate to see you like this" I spoke my thoughts out loud. His bronze head slowly rose and turned around to look at me. His eyes were a dull green. It broke my heart to see him like this.

"I just…I'm scared that I won't see him again" he said after a long pause. He bit down on his bottom lip when tears pooled in his eyes. I made my way across the room and sat down on the floor next to the chair he sat on. I reached out for his hands and clasped them between my own.

"He loves you so much, Tristan, he won't be able to stay away from you" I said honestly, because it was the truth. From the moment Edward laid eyes on Tristan, there was only love displaying in his eyes for his son. That much was clear.

"I just wish he would come back" he whispered.

I looked at my son and sighed. I gave his hands a little squeeze before I uttered my fears out loud, "Tris, Edward has a very busy life, you know, with the band and all-"

"That's why he went back, mom" he interrupted me. My forehead creased in confusion but before I could ask him about it, he explained, "He said that he needed to sort some stuff out with his band, and then he'll come back"

"Okay, but please don't expect too much. Edward has responsibilities, baby. The band takes a lot of his time-"

"Why are you saying these things? Why can't you just believe that he'll be back?" he started crying.

I bit my bottom lip, and tightened my hands around his. "Tris, I'm sorry" my own tears rolled down my cheeks, "I just don't want you to get hurt"

"He won't hurt me-"

"I never said he would" I swallowed, kicking myself for saying something in the first place. "I just explained to you that being in a band requires a lot of responsibilities, baby; touring, concerts, press conferences, photo-shoots…there's so much to do in a band, especially a band as famous as your dad's" I explained.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, mom, I just…I know everything you're saying are true…and I guess that's what scares me the most" his lips trembled again.

I pulled him down onto my lap and hugged him tightly to my chest.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have caused more doubt inside that tiny heart of yours" I apologized. I wanted to see my son happy; I just had no idea how to make it possible with Edward and me living in completely different countries. I'm supposed to do everything for my children; I just couldn't push myself to do the one thing I was supposed to…Could I have left everything behind in Seattle and moved to LA? What would Abbey have thought about the idea? What about Jake?

No! If there were sacrifices to be made, it should come from Edward's side. He had to prove how important Tristan was to him?

"He promised me he would be back, so, I guess…I'm counting on that, mom"

"And I'll hope along with you, Tris"

"Thanks, mom" he smiled that crooked smile I loved so much – the one that reminded me of Edward so much.

I smiled back, caressing his cheek "I love you, always remember that"

"I love you too"

I helped him off of my lap and stood up with a sigh, "I'm going to see what your sister is up to" I said. His eyes followed my actions and I could tell that he still had something on his mind. I lingered for a second – to see if he wanted to say anything – before I turned around to leave the room. I figured that he would come to me - with whatever was on his mind – whenever he was ready.

"Are you still marrying Jake next month?" he asked in barely a whisper. I froze with my back towards him. "Mom-" he prompted.

"Why wouldn't I still marry Jake?" I asked. I knew the answer before I even asked the question…Edward Cullen.

"I just thought since dad-"

"Tristan" I swung around to face my son, "Edward is here for you, not for me. I'm still engaged to Jake and we're still getting married in a month"

"I don't want to live with Jake" he whined. He raked his fingers through his hair – reminding me of Edward, yet again.

"Baby, please don't do this…not now" I begged. He swallowed.

"Okay, I'm sorry" he nodded his head. "I just want you to be happy, mom"

"I am, baby, I am" I lied. How could I have told him that I would never be happy without Edward? How could I have told Tristan that I would always want Edward, but that he never wanted me?

As I made my way to the kitchen, I thought about Tristan's question. I never realized that Tristan had a problem with Jake, or, at least it never showed until Edward came into the picture. Was Tristan hoping that Edward and I would get back together? Hadn't he seen the tension between Edward and me? I mean, as hard as we tried to act normal in Tristan's presence, there were still times when things were tensed between us, not to mention all the awkward moments that had encountered between us.

"Mommy" my daughter squealed when I entered the kitchen where she sat on the countertop alongside Rosalie, who was busy preparing dough for doughnuts.

"Hey baby-girl" I smiled. I tucked a strand of her gorgeous hair behind her ear before I planted a soft kiss on her forehead. She squealed in delight.

"Rosie's making doughnuts" she squealed in delight, clapping her hands.

I was going to miss my children when I leave for LA tomorrow. Luckily, it was only for a week – this time. My heart hammered painfully when I thought about touring…I wouldn't be able to leave my children for that long, I just wouldn't. I needed to have a talk with Seth as soon as we're settled in LA.

"Abbey says that Charlie's coming to get them later?" Rose questioned with a raised eyebrow.

I nodded. "Yes, he's taking some leave from work" I explained.

"Why are you leaving, mommy?" Abbey asked with pouty lips.

I chuckled and ran my fingers through her hair. "I have to do some work for Quil, baby-girl, but I'll be back in a few days" I lied. All of these lies were starting to piss me off. In just two weeks, everything that seemed to come out of my mouth was lies!

"Why can't Rosie go?" she asked.

I sighed. Rosalie stopped kneading the dough and slowly turned around to face me. I winked at her with a smile.

"Because Rosie's not as smart as mommy is" I chuckled.

"Hey" Rosalie whined.

Abbey's giggles filled the kitchen.

"That was mean" Rosalie complained with her arms crossing her chest. She pouted her bottom lip for extra show.

"I have the smartest mommy in the world" Abbey giggled.

"Yeah, yeah, smarty pants" Rose poked Abbey's legs, "why don't you help me with this dough?" she asked Abbey.

"Sure, Rosie, what do I do?" She asked. Rose pulled a chair towards the counter where she helped Abbey off of the countertop and onto the chair.

"We're going to make little round balls – like this" Rose rolled a round ball with the dough to show Abbey, "and then we're going to flatten them a little – like this" she flatten the ball of dough with two fingers, "then we make little holes in the middle" Rose used a round cutter to make the hole in the middle, "like this" she explained and rose the doughnut to show the example to Abbey.

"That looks like fun" Abbey squealed again.

"Hey, Rose" I said softly while Abbey was busy rolling her first ball. "Thanks – for everything" I said.

"Hey, you're like my sister, and I'll do anything for you" she said and looked down at Abbey, "and these kids" she added in a whisper. "Are you ready for the whole LA-thing?" she asked.

I shook my head no. "But I have to be, right" I added.

"Babe, you need to re-evaluate everything about _that_ part of your life and make a decision" she said. "And you have to do it before this gets too serious, Bells, because you may not believe in musicians and how their music saves lives, but there's people out there that does" she said seriously. "And from what I know about _your_ songs" she whispered, "I know it'll help a lot of people deal with hurt" she added.

I looked at Abbey, but she was still occupied with the ball-rolling-thing, and haven't lead on that she was listening to Rose and me.

"I know" I whispered just as softly.

"I swear you did that recording just to prove to yourself that you _weren't_ good enough to be a musician, and when it actually did the opposite you were too overwhelmed to think it through"

"I've always known that I could sing, Rose" I disagreed with a shake of my head.

"That's bullsh-" I warned her with my eyes that Abbey was still in the kitchen. "I mean, that's bull and you know it. Since I've met you, you've been degrading yourself. What had that man done to you for you to have such a low self-esteem?" she uttered furiously.

"It's not his fault, Rose-"

Both our heads shot up when I was interrupted by a knock on the front door.

"It's probably Charlie" I explained as I left the kitchen and made my way to the door. I peeked through the peeping hole and saw Charlie rubbing his moustache on the other side. I chuckled while opening the door.

"Hey, dad" I laughed.

"What's so funny?" he asked and leaned in to kiss my cheek, "Hey yourself" he added quickly.

"Grandpa" Abbey yelled. He crouched down with open arms as Abbey ran straight into them. Her hands were full of dough.

"Abbey-girl" he nuzzled his moustache in her neck and she squirmed in delightfulness.

Charlie was looking forward to having them for an entire week. He was a little worried that I was going to be in the same city as Edward Cullen, but I assured him that the chances of me running into Edward was slight to fucking zero. Besides, I had no clue where Edward was situated.

Charlie spent the afternoon listening to every word that came from Abbey and Tristan's lips. When Abbey told him that she was Edward's princess, Charlie eyed me warily before he continued to listen. Tristan told him all about his meeting with Edward, and how much fun he had with his dad before he left for LA.

When it was time for Charlie to leave, Tristan and Abbey went to get their stuff ready.

"Bella-"

"Before you say anything" I held up my hand, "I wanted to talk to you about something, first"

"This sounds serious" he raised his eyebrow and rubbed down on his moustache.

"It's about Edward" I simply said.

His eyes narrowed by the mention of Edward's name, but as soon as he looked into my eyes, realization dawned in his brown orbs. He swallowed hard.

"Bella-"

"Why?" was all I could get out of my mouth. My heart was a pummeled mess ever since Edward told me how he called me and came for me, but Charlie refused him any access.

"I was so mad when you came back to Forks…broken. I was mad that I trusted Edward with my baby-girl's heart…and he ruined you"

"I was in a bad place because Edward chose his band, dad" I whispered. My heart broke into a million pieces as the memories of that morning played off in front of me again. "But he came for me…he came for me, dad, and you should've told me" I looked into his sad eyes. "Have you any idea what I've really been through since I've left Edward? Have you any idea what I've been through with Tristan? All the guilt I've carried around for not letting Edward know he have a son…"

"You would have gone back to him" Charlie mumbled.

"Dad, I fucking loved him, and yes, had I known he came back for me I would have gone back to him without even thinking about it" my voice raised an octave, "we never had problems, he chose his band and that was the problem"

"He shouldn't have chosen that stupid band in the first place…and _that_ pissed me off. He came back after he chose the band, he should have made you his first fucking priority, Bella" Charlie was mad, but I was even madder. Charlie had, without realizing it, destroyed my life. By trying to protect me, he actually caused more harm. I have suffered through life because I had believed that I meant nothing to the glorious Edward fucking Cullen…I was wrong. Oh my fucking word, I was wrong to leave him all those years ago.

"Dad, you were wrong to have kept Edward away from me" I finally said. "Mine and Tristan's lives would have been so different with Edward-"

"Are you listening to yourself? How would it have been better, Bells, tell me that?" he hissed, tucking his hands into his pants pockets.

"I…I-"

"You would have toured everywhere with him…Tristan would have lived on a fucking tour bus for crying out loud" he interrupted me.

"It still wasn't your place to have made that decision for me, dad, you should have given me a chance to make my own damn choices" I said furiously. My entire body was trembling from the fury I felt towards my father.

"Bells, I'm sorry, okay, I'm fucking sorry I ruined your life" he sighed, "I was only trying to protect you"

"We'll talk about this when I get back from LA" I shook my head, "I don't want my kids to hear us arguing, especially Tristan, he's already fragile about Edward as it is, I don't need to add to his worries"

"Maybe you can think about this while you're in LA" he suggested with a frown.

"I will" I said.

_**I said, "I love you," as I left you.**_

_**Regrets still haunt my hollow head…**_

…_**You said you loved me as you left me.**_

_**Regrets still haunt your saddened head,**_

_**(The Mortician's Daughter – Black Veil Brides)**_

"Thank you, LA" I said out of breath into the mic. I watched in awe as they chanted my name for more. My heart was beating uncontrollably fast from the adrenaline that ran through my veins.

"If you'd like to get your 'Black Hearts' album signed, or if you'd just like to meet me, I'll be back here in ten minutes" I said. I waved to them while I walked off the stage. I went to my dressing room and literally fell on the chair in front of the mirror.

I was exhausted. Three days of this shit; fucking press conference after press conference, photo shoots for the _Chicks & Guitars _article, CD-signings almost every day…I've had it with this shit. How the fuck had Edward pulled this off for more than ten years?

I've been in LA for four days. Four days without seeing my kids, and fuck me, I missed them so damn much. I've never been away from them this long and it was killing me. I've called them every day and Tristan was complaining now that he wanted me to come back. He reminded me that first night I had called him that we never gave Edward the details of where he'd be. I sighed. I also remembered that Edward called moments after Tristan.

"_Hello" I answered the phone without looking at the caller ID._

"_Bella?" he questioned. I never answered the phone when he called. I always gave the phone to Tristan when I saw that it was Edward who called._

_I gasped when I recognized his velvety voice. It caused shockwaves to go through my heart._

"_Ur…yes, I'm sorry" I stuttered. "I should've called you earlier"_

"_Sorry about what? Fuck, is Tristan-"_

"_No! Edward, Tristan is fine" I said quickly. _

"_Thank goodness" he sighed. "You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack" he accused._

"_I'm sorry" I said again. "I'm out of town for a few days-"_

"_Why?"_

"_It's kind of personal" I explained. "You can call Tristan at-"_

"_He's not with you?" he sounded surprised._

"_No, he's not with me, Edward, I'm on a business trip" I said in irritation. "Plus, he has school" I added._

"_Where can I get hold of him then?" he asked. He also sounded annoyed now._

"_Charlie's" I said._

"_Fuck" he exclaimed. "He's not going to let me speak to him"_

"_Charlie's not shallow, Edward" I hissed._

"_I remember a time that he was below fucking shallow, Bella"_

"_He loves Tristan, and he knows how much you mean to him" I defended Charlie._

"_He also loves you and you also mean a lot to him" he argued his case._

"_Edward" I sighed in exhaustion, "Can you just trust me on this?"_

"_Fine, give me the number?"_

_I gave him the number and then there was an awkward silence between us. _

"_Ur, Bella" he said hesitantly._

"_Mmm?"_

"_How is Tristan really doing?" he asked._

"_He misses you like crazy, Edward" I said honestly. "We've had a couple of rough nights after you left, but he's fine now…just misses you"_

"_I miss him so fucking much" he sounded sad. "Everything's just taking so much longer than I expected" he explained._

"_What do you mean?" I asked curiously._

"_I don't want to say anything right now, but, Bella, I promised Tristan that I'm coming back for good" his voice sounded raw with emotion, "and I meant every fucking word" he sounded driven, like nothing on this earth could keep him away from Tristan._

"_I just don't want him to get hurt, Edward" _

"_Why can't you just trust me? For once in your life, Bella, just fucking trust me. I've been trying really hard to show you that I'm here to stay" he hissed. "The least you can do is to believe in me"_

"_I'm trying" I whispered. _

"_Try harder" he said. "Goodbye, Bella" he said. With that he ended the call._

He was right; I should try harder. I have treated him unfairly since he appeared again. Even if I had good reason to do so, he had more reason to hate me forever. But Edward had been nothing more but forgiving and civil towards me. Maybe it was time for me to do the same…but fuck, it was just so hard. Too much pain, too much bitterness, too much anger…

Could I really forgive Edward for choosing his band over me? Could I really forgive him for hurting me in the worst possible way?

The answers to these two questions were actually simple; only time would tell.

I was brought out of my reverie by a knock on my dressing room door.

"Come in" I murmured.

Seth's head poked around the door. He smiled broadly, displaying his dimples.

"Are you ready?" he asked as he entered. He kept the door ajar as he strode towards me.

"I can't do this anymore, Seth"

"What do you mean?" his forehead creased in confusion. He ran his big hand down his face with a sigh escaping his narrowed lips.

Seth had been nothing but good to me. We've met when I started working for Quil – Seth's best friend. We clicked instantly. He reminded me of Jake in so many ways, and I guess it was what started the friendship in the first place. He was a remedy to my broken heart – as all my friends were. His wide, dimpled smile had the power to warm my heart…like the first day of Spring. He knew everything about my life…even the Sam-part.

"Everything!" I exclaimed. "Singing, touring, Bella/Izzy" I said. My voice was thick with the intense emotions that sprang to my heart.

"You know I'll support any decision you make, Bella" he said with a warm voice.

"I know" I smiled.

"Is this about Edward Cullen?" he asked hesitantly.

My head shot up. "No, of course not. This is about Tristan and Abbey, Seth. I can't be Izzy and be happy without them"

"Bella-"

"No, listen. I can't even be away from them for a week, Seth. I know there'll be times where I'll have to go on tours and shit…I just can't leave them behind" I said. "There's no other way…Izzy has to die"

"Okay" he agreed. "How did you want to do this?"

I shook my head sideways, "I have no idea" I chuckled. "I was thinking about this for a while now, and I've only figured everything out now, you know, the dying part…"

"This world is going to miss you…talent like yours doesn't come around very often" he said regretfully.

"They were fine before Izzy came around, they'll learn to adjust" I chuckled, "besides, new talent comes along every day"

"I guess, but not with your pipes, Isabella Swan"

We laughed and discussed possible scenarios of how to end Izzy's life. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

Seth cleared his throat. "Hey, Izzy" he said. I eyed him warily. He rolled his eyes to the open door. I gasped as soon as it dawned on me; we should be more careful about what we talked about. Anyone could have heard us.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed.

_**Says the world doesn't even know  
About the pain she hides inside  
Says happiness is just a lie  
Smell the roses, throw them down  
Just whisper, don't make a sound  
Don't want the world to know the truth  
You've been broken and abused...**_

_**(Amy says – Flyleaf)**_

I barely made it into my hotel room when my phone started ringing. My hands were full, one hand held my gym bag – filled with my Bella-accessories -, and the other held my very large handbag. I searched for my phone in my handbag and cursed loudly when it stopped ringing. It started ringing almost immediately as I was still searching for it. When I finally found my phone, I answered without looking at the caller ID.

"Bella" his velvety voice sounded tense.

"Edward" I answered in confusion. Why the hell was he calling me?

"I need to see you?" he said adamantly.

"Why?" I asked.

"Where can we meet?" he ignored my question.

"It's late and I'm pretty bushed" I answered, completely forgotten that Edward hadn't even a clue I was in LA.

"Give me your hotel details, Bella, and don't fight me on this because I'll just find you" he said.

I smiled wickedly. He had no clue where I was; besides, I wasn't even booked in as Bella.

"Go ahead and try" I said snidely and hung up.

What the hell was his problem? And who the fuck gave him the right demanding shit from me?

I was beyond tired. I've signed albums for over an hour; signing, smiling for photos and smiling some more. Whoever chose the celebrity lifestyle for fun was delusional. The only fun part for me was writing lyrics to my music. Performing them was also fun, but I just wished that I could perform them without the publicity, tours and albums. I just wanted to get my songs out there because it was some kind of remedy to my broken heart. It helped me not to keep my emotions so bottled-up inside.

I threw my bags down on the floor in irritation. I needed something to drink, something strong. I dragged my feet to the mini-bar and scanned through its contents. That wasn't going to be enough for how I was feeling. I needed a bottle of Jack; I haven't had the need to drown myself in my sorrows for so long…it was kind of strange that I was thinking of doing that exact thing right now. I never dealt with my problems by drinking; my children were my strength. An overdose of them and I was good to go, but they weren't here, and I really needed to get some stuff out of my system. Stuff songs were no good for…

I dialed the front desk and ordered a bottle of Jack to my room. I had to wait for them before I could get rid of my mask…this dreadful fucking mask I was hiding behind. I had to give myself credit for the way we did my make-up…I was hardly recognizable to myself. The black hair and blue contacts also did their job…

I was on edge every time I wore these stupid outfits and this stupid wig. It felt as if I was going to be exposed at any second. It was nerve wracking…

When the knock came that I was waiting for, I sighed in relief. I was still pissed at Edward's adamant behavior over the phone. Plus, how he hung up on me the other night pissed me off as well. Who the fuck did he think he was? I'm not some chick that tripped over my own two feet every time he snapped his fingers. I'm not one of those horny fans that followed his every fucking move, almost humping his fucking legs just by standing close to them.

The more I thought about it the more pissed off I got.

I swung the door open and gasped when Edward Cullen stood at the other side of the door. Just as he stormed past me, room-service arrived and handed me the silver tray with the bottle of Jack sitting on top of it. I felt my cheeks burn as the blush crept to them full-force.

"Thank you" I whispered softly. I had no idea what the hell Edward wanted…with Izzy Stewart.

I slammed the door shut and the sound echoed through the hotel room. I swallowed hard before I turned around to face him. I gasped again when I looked at his face, all smug.

"I told you over the phone that I wanted to see you" he chuckled. "You know, from the first moment I laid eyes on Izzy Stewart I knew there was something familiar about her. I should have known by the way she swung her sexy fucking hips while she sings that those exact hips belonged to you" he rubbed his forehead and moved to the back of his neck. He eyed me teasingly.

"I…ur…"

"From the first moment I saw Izzy, I was in love with her" he confessed. His cheeks turned a light pink as he laughed softly. I swallowed. His laugh always had the power to erupt goosebumps over my entire body, turning my heart to mush. "I should have known that there was only one woman in this world who could make me feel that way" he admitted finally. My heart raced at his confessions about Izzy and Bella. I had no idea what to make of it, though. Why was he saying these things to me? Was he still in love with me?

I shook my head to clear it from all these absurdities.

How the fuck had he figured it out? Sure enough, no one knows me better than Edward Cullen, but I was pretty sure that we had pulled off this amazing fucking mask. I was so sure that no one would have recognized me.

"I guess your whole new look made it impossible for me to even consider the fact that you were indeed one and the same person. Plus, the fact that I've never heard you sing before added to the doubt" he paced the living room floor, tugging his hair before he came to a halt, "You have a beautiful voice, by the way" he winked with a crooked smile.

He started pacing again. I wanted to say something but my mouth opened and closed like a fucking fish, without a word rolling off of my tongue. Besides, he was on a fucking roll explaining Izzy and Bella to me. If I wasn't so mad at him, or so shocked, I might have found the entire situation funny as hell. The way he paced the room, the way he tugged on his hair, the way his lips curled into a crooked smile or narrowed line, the way he pointed his finger while explaining how he should have known Izzy was Bella…everything about him was hilariously funny.

"Of course, the fact that I've blocked – or tried to block – your memory from my mind has helped the situation because I hardly recognized your voice…until tonight at that concert. I knew it was you from the moment you opened your mouth, and then everything fell into place. I saw your face behind the mask; even with the blue contacts I knew they were your eyes, Bella"

"Edward" I whispered hoarsely.

"I just don't understand" he froze in his steps and looked directly into my eyes. "Why all the secrecy?" he asked. Tiny crinkles formed on his forehead.

"I wanted to protect my children from this" I explained while pulling my black wig off and loosened my own hair, running my fingers through them as they fell onto my back. I threw it on the couch and walked to the cabinet to get some glasses. I was planning on drinking out of the bottle, but since I had an unannounced guest, glasses would have to suffice.

"How are you protecting them?" he asked.

"Are you that fucking naïve?" I snorted. "Why had I left you years ago? Why had I asked you to choose?"

He narrowed his eyes at me, "I thought we were past this?" he questioned. He rested both of his hands on his hips as he looked at me in annoyance.

I poured the drinks and approached him with the glasses. "Drink?" I asked.

"Thanks" he said as he took the glass from me.

"I hate the media, Edward, and I refuse to let my children go through that. I needed the cash, that's the only reason why I did what I did" I brought the rim of the glass to my lips and tipped it over. I hissed as the strong fluid ran down my throat. Fuck, it's been a while since I had a strong drink go down my throat. "Let's face it; I couldn't exactly go on serving drinks at a club forever. I needed something more, not only for myself, but for my children as well. I just needed enough to get my degree…"

"I understand, Bella" he said, swirling the glass between his hands. "I'm not judging you, I'm simply asking about it to understand better"

"I spoke with my manager tonight, and I've told him that I don't want to be Izzy anymore. I can't stand to be away from my children" I moved back to the mini-bar, but instead of pouring another drink, I brought the bottle of Jack along. I motioned for Edward to sit down as I took a seat on the sofa across him. I refilled my glass and handed the bottle to him, but he declined.

"I still have to drive back to my house" he explained.

I mouthed 'Oh' and took another swig of my drink.

"I hate hiding behind this chick" I laughed bitterly, "but I had no choice. My first album will get me the cash that I need-"

"I can help as well" he offered. My head snapped up to meet his beautiful sincere emerald eyes. All I could see was sincerity, not the pity I was expecting to see.

"Ur…no" I hissed. That was like fuel to an open fire, seeing as I was already so pissed at this man. I never had the chance to let go of all my bottled-up anger and bitterness towards him. Edward chose the wrong time to talk to me.

"Bella, you cared for my son for ten years-"

"I don't want your money. I've never wanted your damn money" I lashed out. "I wanted you to love me unconditionally, I wanted you to _want _to marry me, and _want_ to have children with me. It never was about your fucking money" I yelled. The Jack was starting to get to me.

I abruptly stood up and started drinking out of the bottle, fuck the glass. I've never had the chance to completely let go…either Rose or my children were always around. I had so much anger inside of me, and half of it was because of this man.

"You rejected me, Edward, after all we've been through-"

"How long are you going to keep this up? Can't you just get over it?" he said in irritation.

I gaped at him, "Get over it?" I asked snidely. "Get fucking over it? Your rejection nearly killed me; if it wasn't for the fact that I was pregnant…I don't know what would've happened to me. I hate you! You're a fucking bastard, Edward Cullen"

"So I've heard" he sighed. "Look, I'll come back in the morning-"

"No!" I yelled. "Don't you get it? I don't want you to come back, in fact; I don't want you anywhere near me"

"That's going to be hard considering we have a son together" he sneered.

"I've been through hell because of you" I whispered, ignoring him completely. "It damn near killed me when you chose your band"

"Bella, I came back for you" he said remorsefully.

"I loved you unconditionally-" I ranted on.

"Then you shouldn't have made me choose" he interrupted me, just as angry now. "If you loved me so damn much, you should've accepted who I was, Bella" he yelled. He pierced his lips, fireballs shooting from his eyes.

"It's a good thing I did make you choose, because I realized that you never loved me-"

Edward stormed towards me, fire blazing in his eyes. He clenched his fists when he came to a halt in front of me. We stood chest to chest, both our chest heaved from build-up fury. I backed away slowly, but with every step I took he took one right along with me. His hands came up and he gently grabbed me by my arms.

"I fucking loved you, Bella" he whispered. His voice was raw with emotion. I took another step backwards only to feel the cold wall against my back. My breathing became hard realizing that I was trapped between the wall and Edward's arms.

"God, I love you" he whispered again.

His breath wafted over my face. His breath was still sweet and so fucking hot; my insides quivered at the memory of his breath all over my body as he kissed me everywhere, never missing a spot. I closed my eyes because it fucking hurt to think about those times. Fuck! I've craved this man for ten years; craved every part of him; his full luscious lips, his swirling tongue, his perfect hands…his…his…I felt the heat on my cheeks and quickly raised my eyes to see if Edward had noticed. I gasped. His eyes kept trailing from my eyes to my lips and back again.

His hands started rubbing soothingly up and down my arms. A shiver ran through my body and he wasn't even touching my skin. Edward and images of our bodies connected as one, swirled in my mind. I was a bit tipsy and so fucking confused. I had no control over my thoughts or my body's reaction towards him.

"Bella" he whispered. The raw desire was evident in his voice.

I was frozen as I watched his face inch closer to mine. The tip of his tongue pushed past his lips as he wet his lips before he locked them with mine. I should have stopped it. I should have pushed him off because I knew it was wrong, and too soon. But I couldn't…my desperate need for him won the fight between my heart and my head.

At first his lips merely ghosted over mine, barely touching me. For a moment he pulled back and I wanted to scream with anticipation. I thought he was going to stop everything and walk away, but fuck, was I wrong. His one arm came around my back and rested just above my ass, the other hand leaned on the wall behind me, locking me in. He pulled me closer to his body, and my arms went around his neck, fingers locked in the hair at the nape of his neck. How I've missed this? He moaned loudly when I pulled him closer to my body, closer to my lips. His hand came down from the wall and slid down my neck and across my collarbone to my shoulder. These light sweet touches made me breathless, made me want more, made me remember him…us. Our lips locked once again, but this time the kiss was filled with desperate need…so much fucking need.

Edward pushed my body against the wall and lined his body up with mine. I moaned when he flicked his tongue out, swirling over my lips, pleading for entrance. My lips parted with a lustful moan as his tongue graced mine passionately. My hands ghosted down his neck, down to his chest until I fisted his shirt. I felt torn in two; my heart wanted this, needed this, but my head screamed for me to stop while it was still an innocent kiss. My head screamed at what a big mistake this was, and that it was only going to worsen things between Edward and me, but the woman inside of me, inside of my heart – the broken woman – refused to stop.

Our kiss turned into a kiss of fury; biting, sucking, pushing and pulling. My fists tightened around his shirt as I desperately tried to push him off – not really wanting to -, but Edward's body pushed harder against mine, deepening our kiss like the way I remembered. I pulled my head away when I needed to breathe and threw it back against the wall, granting him access to my neck. His lips trailed from my lips down to my jawline, trailing feathery light kisses to my exposed neck. I moaned - it might have been a hiss - his name out. Before I knew what the fuck I was doing, I raised my legs and wrapped them around his hips. His hands went around my ass instantly, pulling me closer to his lower body.

It was when I felt his rock hard cock rubbing against my aching center that I've pushed against his chest again. He took it the wrong way as he sucked harder against my neck.

"Stop" I whispered through clenched teeth, pushing against his chest again. "Please stop"

Edward's head shot up, but he didn't let go of my legs. His eyes were dark with passion and lust. His one hand came up and gently rubbed my cheeks. It was then that I have realized that I've been crying.

My insides were shivering, my heart hammered hard against my chest, my lips still blazed…not to mention the throbbing pain between my legs. I was a fucking mess. How could I have been so stupid?

"Bella, I'm sorry" he whispered hoarsely. He was out of breath as he let go of my body. My legs dropped to the floor, but I couldn't find the strength to move. My legs felt like jelly from Edward's touches and kisses.

"I want you to go" I whispered before a sob escaped my quivering lips. I angrily wiped the tears that streamed out of my eyes down my cheeks.

"Bella, no, we need to talk"

"This was a mistake, Edward" I cried. My heart broke into a million pieces all over again. The reality of the situation sunk in when the scene of ten years ago played out before me. I hardened my heart at the hurt displaying in his eyes. "Besides, I'm marrying Jake in a month" I watched as the dagger I've stabbed into his heart, twisted even more by my words.

The pain etched in his features made the muscles near his eyes twitch, and his fingers dug into his head.

"No!" he forced out. "Bella, no, you can't" his voice was filled with excruciating pain.

"Yes, Edward, I can and I fucking will"

"Didn't you feel anything when we kissed?" he asked. His face was pulled as if in pain.

"Sure, I felt lust. I remember how good the sex was between us, but that's it" I lied through my fucking teeth. I saw how my blasphemy sunk in, destroying the beautiful green of his eyes and leaving it the dull grey from before he met Tristan. How easily he believed my lies?

"You can't be serious" he hissed.

"I'm dead fucking serious. You were a good fuck, Edward, that's it. I've moved on and so have you…"

"I'll fight for you 'till the very fucking end, Bella" he said as a single teardrop rolled down his cheek. My chest constricted as the pain overwhelmed me to the point where it felt like I was going to die from heartache.

"You won't have to fight very long" I whispered. "I want you to leave"

I watched the back of his hunched shoulders as he closed the door behind him. My legs gave way underneath me, and I sunk to the floor. The sobs that escaped my mouth were loud and made the excruciating pain in my heart increase by double. Why had I lied to him? I'd never know the answer…I guess, I was trying to protect my already broken heart from getting trampled on again.

_**How'd we end up like that?**_

_**Another train off the tracks**_

_**It always hurts looking back now**_

_**(Last kiss goodbye – Hinder)**_

I woke up with a pounding head and a broken heart. I couldn't fall asleep after Edward had left. All I kept feeling was his lips against mine, how they moved in perfect unison with my own, the taste of his tongue when he entered my mouth. I wanted him, fuck, I wanted him so bad. I just couldn't push myself to give in to my emotions. For so long I've carried this pain inside my chest. For so long I've believed that he didn't love me. For so long I've hated him for rejecting me and hurting me.

All of the pain I've carried for ten years couldn't just disappear in one night…in one kiss…in one touch!

After I got out of bed, I took a long shower. I could still smell Edward on myself and it kinda fucked with my head. I watched as the water sprayed onto my body, cleansed me in every way, and then the water that dripped from my body went down the drain. It reminded me of my relationship with Edward…how everything we had, everything we felt, just washed down the drain.

I was about to get myself some coffee when there was an urgent knock on my door. I froze and frowned. I moved to the door hesitantly because I was so damn scared that it was Edward. I stood by the door and was startled when the knock became a full blown pound.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Seth"

I sighed and swung the door open for my friend. I needed some damn sunshine in my life this morning, and Seth was just the person for the job. But I was struck with a pale-looking Seth, forehead creased with worry-lines.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I shut the door behind him.

He just shook his head and handed me the morning paper. I frowned. I took it and turned my back to him as I opened the folded paper. I gasped. Shock filled my lungs which made it impossible to breathe. It felt as if someone pierced my lungs and all the air escaped.

On the front page was a picture of Izzy Stewart and Bella Swan. _No_! How the hell had this happened?

The headline read: _Can you see the resemblances between the two photos? _

_Shocking truths were discovered last night after Izzy's concert. Izzy Stewart's been hiding behind a mask, but we've uncovered her real identity. Izzy's real name is in fact Isabella Marie Swan. _

_The Goddess of Goth, as we came to know and love, is living two separate lives. One of Isabella Marie Swan and the other of Izzy Stewart. The one is a bar lady and a single mom while the other is a musician._

_Also, if you're a fan of the band 'Eclipse', you'll remember Isabella Swan as the beautiful shy girl that accompanied lead singer, Edward Cullen, everywhere. No one knows when they've split up, or why, but Isabella disappeared from the picture, making way for the gorgeous Tanya Denali._

The article even had mine and Seth's conversation from last night. Word for fucking word was quoted. I shook my head. This couldn't be happening. How the fuck had they figured out about Edward?

_You can also kiss the Goddess of Goth goodbye as she's planning her own 'death' real soon. Apparently she can't do the touring and be so far away from her children._

Jake…Tristan…Abbey…that was all that went through my head. Soon enough, their faces was going to be spread on every newspaper and magazine. How could I have done this to them? My lies were uncovered…what was Jake going to say?

But even with all this swirling around in my mind, I kept thinking about Sam Uley. If the media published one photo of my children…Abbey specifically, he would know about her, and that idea scared the shit out of me. I had nowhere to run to because he would find me wherever I went. Besides, I would be recognizable anywhere since my face is printed on a fucking front page…as from today, Bella Swan would have no privacy whatsoever.

_**Now I am mute despite myself**_

_**All of them are gone**_

_**The silence overtakes me**_

_**The idle words forsake me and I am left to face me**_

_**I'm held accountable**_

_**For every idle word**_

_**(In the dark – Flyleaf)**_

_**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOoOoOo**_

A/N: First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for reviewing on the previous chapter. I was in awe at the responses I've received. Thank you so much. It meant the world to me…All the guest reviewers – thank you for taking the time to review.

I realize that the previous chapter missed the smooth flow as all the previous chapters, and to be honest, I had a hard time writing that chapter. I let certain reviewers get to me, and tried to put everything Edward went through in one chapter. I made a fuckup of the chapter, and I apologize to everyone.

On to this chapter: okay, so I've said that I had a reason for Izzy! She isn't a big part of the story, but I wanted to bring her into the story for a specific purpose…you'll see what I have planned with that. I know Izzy's mask doesn't make sense to a lot of you, but this is fiction, not real life.

So…the kiss…eeek I'm nervous about your responses! Be honest in your reviews…

Who still thinks Edward's an asshole? I hope I've changed some of your minds…

Review, review, review….


	13. Chapter Twelve I don't deserve your love

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Lyrics in this chapter belong to: Be with you – Cranberries

Trying not to love you - Nickelback

Aeroplane – CrashCarBurn

**A/N:** Before you read the chapter, there are a few things I'd like to clear up. First off all, everyone's been asking me who exposed Bella? In the previous chapter it said that Bella and Seth's entire conversation were quoted word for word. Seth had left the door to her dressing room open and someone overheard their conversation about Izzy and Bella.

Secondly, a guest reviewer asked how frequently I planned on updating. I can't answer that question because I don't have a normal timeline for everything. I update when I have a chapter ready for you guys. My real life is a mess with my baby…as other mommies knows they can keep you pretty darn busy. My son is six months and he's busy teething…was the worst time of my life, well, except for the colic he had. LOL.

Thirdly, I know I was a bit behind on getting back to the reviews, but I think I've managed to get up to date. I've replied to every single review I've received. Hopefully I can keep it up. So feel free to share your questions, fears, theories with me and I'll get back to you in a PM.

There's also one guest reviewer that I'd like to thank personally – BOBBYSGIRL – your review from chapter ten meant a lot to me. Thank you so much.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

_**Lying in my bed again  
And I cry 'cause you're not here  
Crying in my head again  
And I know that it's not clear  
Put your hands, put your hands  
Inside my face and see that it's just you  
But it's bad and it's mad and it's making me sad  
Because I can't be with you**_

_**(Be with you – Cranberries)**_

Chapter Twelve – I don't deserve your love

EPOV

I've missed this so much, I thought to myself as my lips ghosted down her neck to her collarbone and across her shoulders. Her skin scorched my lips with raw desire. My tongue was on fire as it swirled around one of her perfect breasts, taking her pink nipple into my mouth. My tongue grazed around the pink delicacy before I gently nibbled it between my teeth. Her back arched, pushing her breast deeper into my mouth. A loud groan escaped my mouth as it felt like my dick grew even harder, if that was even possible.

"Edward" she panted, rolling her head to the side and biting down on my pillow. I waited for her to finish what she wanted to say, but the only thing that escaped her clenched mouth was low moaning sounds and a lot of fucking panting. Her body writhed underneath my hands while my mouth gave the same amount of attention to her other breast. Her back arched up again and her hands locked behind my head as she held me to her.

"I have missed kissing your breasts so much, baby" I whispered against her nipple. I watched in pure lust as it hardened against my hot breath. My tongue flicked out and swirled slowly and lusciously around the hardened peak. "I've missed to see you become a wet mess with just my tongue around these sexy as fuck nipples" I nibbled softly while my fingers ghosted over her stomach and down her wet as fuck center. Her head dug deeper into my pillows as her back arched up. Her lips uttered the sexiest whimpering sounds I've ever heard while my finger slid in and out of her wetness.

I sat back on my heels to make myself more comfortable, my finger still inside her warm center. I paused to look at her face, her gorgeous face displaying raw desire for what she knew lay ahead. Her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth as she bit it in anticipation, sucking in low breaths at a time. I smiled when I moved my finger in and out of her, slowly, seductively. Her body shivered, her breaths hitched and her fists clawed my sheets.

"Edward, please" she panted softly.

"What, baby, tell me what you want" I whispered. I pressed my thumb against her clit, moving it leisurely, teasing her…

"I…" she hissed, "want" she panted, "you" her eyes rolled into the back of her head when I sped up the movements of my thumb. "NOW" she hissed.

"All in good time" I whispered erratically, my own breathing was frenzied as I slipped my fingers in and out of her wet, hot center, rubbing her clit with my thumb. My dick was throbbing painfully, but I ignored it. I wanted this to be about her needs, not about mine.

She threw her head back as she tightened around my fingers. The moan that escaped her mouth almost made me cum right then and there. Her body writhed as she came hard, whimpering my name while she came down from her high bliss. That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen…the most erotic thing to have witnessed. Something I thought I would never witness again. I wanted to repeat my action all over again just to have seen her come undone around my fingers again. But fuck that, I wanted to see her, feel her come undone around my hard as fuck dick. My chest heaved as I looked down to her body.

"You're so fucking beautiful" I whispered. She slowly opened her eyes, lust and raw desire still very much visible in her dark brown orbs. A lazy smile formed on her full lips and I felt the urgent need to lean forward and kiss the hell out of those lips.

As I leaned down to kiss the love of my life, her tiny hands wrapped around my throbbing dick and guided me to her overheated center. My tongue traced the contours of her lips before I dipped it inside her mouth, tasting the sweetness I've missed so fucking much.

We both groaned as I slowly, so fucking slowly, slid into her. I threw my head back in pleasure, my eyes shut and my mouth falling open slightly. It had been so long since I've been buried so deep inside of her…so long…too long. Our bodies joined and the connection electrified my fucking dead soul back to life.

"Bella" my voice trembled as I thrust deeper into her, "I love you, forever"

"I love you too" she whimpered…

"Bella!" I yelled, sitting straight up in my bed. I was a sweaty mess…the throbbing between my legs made me a fucking hot and bothered mess.

Where the fuck had that dream come from? It was so real…so fucking real that I actually felt her tight, wet center around my dick. I shook my head, rubbing the sweat from my forehead.

It must have been that kiss from last night in her hotel room. That must have been what led to the dream.

I fell back down to my back and covered my eyes with my forearm. It had felt so good to have her lips against mine, moving in unison against mine…so fucking perfect. It awakened every lost emotion I buried about Bella. Everything came to life as soon as my lips pressed against hers.

My dick relaxed immediately when I remembered her words from last night. _"You were just a good fuck, Edward" "I'm marrying Jake in a month" _

My heart broke into a million pieces by those words. She damn near killed me with those words. Could I believed her words? Was I really just a good fuck to her? Or had she said those things because she was hurting? I had no idea what to believe, but my heart refused to give in so quickly. I had a month to fight for Bella, a month before she married some other douchebag; stealing my children and my fucking girl. The hell I was going to let that happen. Bella was mine, and so were Tristan and Abbey. No one was going to take them away from me, no one!

After I've taken a shower and got dressed, I went downstairs to get some breakfast. I had a cook that prepared my meals whenever I needed him. The smell of bacon made my stomach growl and I hastily made my way to the kitchen.

"Morning, Garrett" I smiled entering the kitchen.

"Ah, Edward, I knew my bacon will wake you up" he chuckled.

From the very first moment he started working for me, I insisted he called me Edward. I hated the idea of him calling me 'sir' or 'Mr. Cullen'.

"Your food has the power to bring me to my fucking knees good Chef" I chuckled and bowed playfully before I stole a piece of bacon right off of the plate.

"It's still hot" he shook his head with widened eyes. I chewed around the piece of bacon in my mouth, sucking and blowing at the hot piece of bacon. It burned my fucking tongue…reminding me of my dream, how Bella's body scorched my tongue.

I shook my head with closed eyes. I had to get that vivid dream out of my mind.

"Thanks for warning me" I said hoarsely, "a little too late"

He just chuckled. Garret was born in a kitchen; I swear he could have prepared steak before he could have walked.

"Hey, have you seen this morning's paper?" he asked while cracking eggs into a skillet.

I shook my head, "No, why?" I asked curiously while pouring myself a cup of freshly brewed coffee, and taking a seat at the kitchen counter.

"That new sensation Izzy" he paused to look at me and I nodded for him to continue, "Well, she's been exposed. They found out that her real name is Isabella Marie Swan" he eyed me warily before he turned the gas off and lifted the eggs out of the skillet, placing it onto my plate in front of me.

"What?" I hissed. "When did this happen?" I asked, slamming my fist onto the counter.

He shrugged and handed me the newspaper.

I gasped when I saw the two pictures of Izzy and Bella in front of me. My eyes scanned through the article, my fist clenched when I came across the part where they knew about me. Where had they gotten these facts? How had they figured out that Bella was Izzy? I read on where they quoted her conversation with her manager in her dressing room! Someone must've slipped past security and overheard their conversation! This was a mess…

I threw the paper down next to me. "Fuck!" I raked my fingers through my hair.

"So…" Garrett said with smile, "Why haven't I heard of the shy Bella before now?" he asked.

"I tried to forget about her…I couldn't even say her name out loud" I explained, the pain in my chest reminded me of those days. "And she's not fucking shy" I added with a hiss, raking my fingers through my hair! I scraped the chair against the tiles as I abruptly stood up.

"Hey" he raised his palms up, "I'm just saying what I read in the paper" he covered. The corner of his mouth curled up into a grin, "I knew there had to be someone else" Garrett snapped his finger, "the greyness in your eyes, the anger, the bitterness, the sadness when your thoughts were somewhere else…"

"Yeah, I…Garrett, I'm sorry about breakfast, but there's someplace I have to be" I said.

"Hey, don't worry about it, dude, I'll just put it in the refrigi-"

"No" I shook my head, "take it home…do whatever you want with it, I'm going to be a while and I'll probably get something to eat on the way" I said while rushing out of the kitchen.

My _Vanquish _sped through the streets of Hollywood, exceeding more than one speeding limit. I prayed that I wouldn't be pulled over because I really needed to get to Bella. I had to make sure she was fine…I shook my head as I changed through the gears. Fine? Who was I kidding? She must be a fucking wreck. This was going to kill her, especially since society knew now that she was a single mother…it would only be a matter of time before Tristan and Abbey's faces covered a magazine or newspaper.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I slammed my palms against the steering wheel.

She had to have known that her secret was bound to come out, I mean, the paparazzi could be mean motherfuckers if they wanted to. She always evaded their questions and someone must've figured out that Izzy was hiding something. I mean, it was even clear to me that she was hiding behind a mask…and what a fucking mask it was!

When I stopped in front of her hotel, I jumped out of my car and rushed inside the building. The elevators were busy and I tapped impatiently on the button. I started pacing in front of the closed elevators, jabbing my hands into my hair and pulled hard. Just before the doors to the elevator opened, I saw flashes behind me. Turning around, I was attacked with flashes and questions from the paparazzi's.

"Edward, why are you at the same hotel as Izzy?"

"Edward, are you and Isabella back together?"

"Edward, is it true that you broke of the engagement with Tanya Denali?"

"Edward, can we have a statement from you?"

My head shot from one reporter to the next as the questions were thrown my way, until one motherfucker crossed the line.

"Edward, is Isabella Swan's nine-year-old son yours, or was she cheating on you and that's why you left her all those years ago?"

I had no recollection of what happened, but I saw red after that insinuation. I stormed the blonde-haired motherfucker, clenched my fist around the collar of his shirt and punched him in his jaw. He stuttered backwards and I unclenched my fist from his collar where he dropped to the ground. Camera flashes turned into a frenzy of lights where it almost blinded me.

"You want a statement, you vultures, I'll give you a damn statement" I hissed in fury, "Fuck you! How about that for a fucking statement? Go print that in your pathetic magazines and newspapers" I said before jumping into the elevator and looked back at the fuckers as the doors closed.

I sighed. My fist was in pain from throwing that punch, but it was nothing compared to what my heart felt like now. Was that what the media was thinking? That I've abandoned Bella because she was carrying my child, my life, my blood? Because they thought that Bella cheated on me?

I threw my head backwards and rested it against the elevator wall. I already knew that my face was going to be printed on every paper and gossip magazine tomorrow. I've always managed to stay calm when bombarded by the paparazzi's. I just couldn't contain my anger towards that man when he made those allegations. Rigid was an understatement for what I was feeling…I was fucking beyond livid.

Fuck! I raked my fingers through my hair. I may have worsened things for Bella now. I have given them new ammunition to shoot her with.

As the elevator doors dinged, I ran towards Bella's door. My knock was urgent and loud.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"It's Edward, open up" I said.

The door slowly opened for me to enter and I stepped into her room. She was hiding behind the door and quickly closed it when I was in the room.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" she asked, throwing her head against the closed door.

My heart soared with fury when I took her face in; red puffy eyes, blotchy nose, red swollen cheeks…I wanted to kill the fucker who exposed her. I wanted to clench my hands around his neck and watch the life drain from his fucking eyes.

"I came to see if you are alright?" I said softly trying to calm the fury brewing inside of me. My arms ached to pull her to my chest and hold her tightly, but I knew that it wasn't my place as she made it perfectly clear last night.

"I'm fine, Edward" she sighed. "I'm worried about Tristan and Abbey…and Jake" she whispered the last part of her sentence softly. I clenched my jaw at the sound of his name, tucking my hands in the pockets of my jeans.

"Have you spoken to Tristan?" I asked her.

She shook her head no, "But Jake called…seems that news travels faster than the speed of light" she chuckled humorlessly.

"When you're famous everything about you travels faster than the speed of light" I smiled softly at her.

"I never should have done this. What have I done to Tristan and Abbey?" she whispered before she completely cracked. She fell against the door with her back and slid down slowly, breaking into a sobbing mess.

My heart ached seeing her so fragile and vulnerable. I couldn't stand it any longer. I rushed towards her and crouched down before her. I don't know if it was for the fact that Bella was so emotionally drained, but she threw her arms around my neck willingly when I slid my arms underneath her and picked her up. Her legs wrapped around my hips as I carried her to the couch and sat down with her still wrapped around me. She buried her head in my neck, and I rubbed her back soothingly while whispering words of comfort into her ear.

"We'll work it out, Bella" I cooed, "I won't leave you to fight this battle by yourself. I'll fight with you every step of the way, I promise"

I rocked our bodies back and forth and it wasn't long before I felt her body relax against mine. Her breathing leveled and became deep as she fell asleep on top of me. Fuck, this felt amazing. Having Bella wrapped around my body with my arms around hers, her soft breaths in my neck, felt like fucking heaven to me. My heart felt whole, the cracks filled with Bella's presence, healing me completely.

As I lay with Bella atop me, visions of a life with Bella, Tristan and Abbey filled my mind. Bella held my hand while Tristan and Abbey ran in our backyard. Happiness and love completed the images as we were a family. It was so magical and so fucking beautiful, and I wanted it. I desperately wanted to make those visions a reality.

I started humming a song I've written a few years ago when Bella was constantly on my mind.

"_**But if there's a pill to help me forget,**_

_**God knows I haven't found it yet**_

_**But I'm dying to, God I'm trying to"**_

I planted a soft kiss on her head, my eyes burned with unshed tears. I have tried everything to forget about Bella, but to no prevail. Even though the alcohol had kept me numb while I was as drunk as a lord, the memory almost blasted me away when I was sober. It pained me even more than before. Her memory was so vivid that I drank constantly to avoid the heart wrenching pain between my lungs. I tried not to love her, I tried my damn hardest to hate her, but the more I tried the more I loved her.

"_**'Cause trying not to love you, only goes so far**_

_**Trying not to need you, is tearing me apart**_

_**Can't see the silver lining, from down here on the floor**_

_**And I just keep on trying, but I don't know what for**_

_**'Cause trying not to love you**_

_**Only makes me love you more**_

_**Only makes me love you more" **_

I sang softly into her ear. Living without Bella had left a huge hole in my chest, and even though I have Tristan to focus all my love on, the hole was still there, as big as ever, because she wasn't a part of my life. I couldn't help the way I felt about her because she was my one…the one I was supposed to marry ten years ago.

I had no idea how long we sat like that, but when Bella stirred, I knew my time with her was up. I took a whiff of her strawberry scented hair and tightened my arms around her fragile body. Her uneven breathing told me that she was awake, but being the selfish prick that I was, I pretended not to acknowledge that fact. I had to cherish the last minutes, no, seconds with her.

She slowly raised her head, refusing to look into my eyes.

"I…ur…I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me" she apologized.

"Bella" I lifted her chin with my forefinger, "It's fine. I'm glad I was here"

She pulled her chin away from my fingers and started moving off of me. Her cheeks were flushed with the most gorgeous pink I've ever seen. I have missed her blush so much. My hand shot out and my fingers traced her blush tenderly. "Edward," she whispered, "please don't" she swallowed hard before she pulled away and completely removed her body from mine. She stood before me with her arms across her chest.

"Bella, I was only comforting you" I explained.

"I know" she said. "But, it's not your place to do that…and…and I shouldn't have let you comfort me like that" she shook her head as if she was confused.

"Bella" I said urgently. I stood up and approached her slowly, but she shook her head and went to the other side of the room!

"Bella, I'm sorry about last night" I sighed, "I shouldn't have taken advantage of you-"

"Edward, no, it wasn't your fault" she interrupted me.

"I'm begging you to not marry that guy, Bella. I'm begging you to give me a fair chance to win your heart again" I pleaded, my heart was in excruciating pain with just the mere thought of her belonging to someone else.

"You had your chance ten years ago" she shook her head, "I can't go through that again, I'm sorry"

"You think I'm going to hurt you again?" I asked.

Her eyes pierced mine, and that gave me my answer. She didn't trust me...the best part of it all was that I couldn't even blame her. I've hurt her so much by rejecting her!

I had a lot of ammunition that I could use; the engagement ring, quitting the band, leaving Tanya...

Was it stupid of me to have wanted her to love me out of her own free will again...her own desire?

That was why I decided not to say anything about it! I just couldn't form the words to blabber everything to her…I had a feeling that it wasn't the right time for that. I would wait until she asked me about it because I had a feeling that if I had told her she wouldn't have believed me, especially about the ring. I needed to have patience with Bella's heart. I needed to approach her carefully because she was already broken by my selfishness.

"Will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me for what I've done to you, Bella?" I asked softly, achingly soft.

Her eyes filled with tears, creating a sad sparkle in her brown eyes.

"I don't know" she whispered. "I'm just so confused right now..."

"I can understand that, but all I'm asking is a chance, Bella, a chance to prove to you how much I fucking love you"

The tears rolled over the brims of her eyes and slowly made their way down her pink cheeks. She wiped them angrily as if she was furious for crying in front of me. So many different emotions swirled around in the darkness of her eyes, and it left me…confused. Was all that hurt, fear, brokenness, horror and doubts my fault? Had my rejection alone caused that? How could I have asked Bella to forgive me when I couldn't even find the will to forgive myself?

I couldn't blame Charlie for keeping me away from Bella ten years ago because had she have been my daughter, I would have done the same. Who would want a man that had broken his daughter's heart beyond repair, anywhere near her? The reality of what I've done to Bella dawned on me, yet again…I didn't deserve her, her heart, her trust or her love. I deserved to rot in hell for what I've done!

"I'll never forgive myself for doing this to you" I motioned my hands up and down. She scrunched her nose up with a huff.

"Doing what?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

I clenched my jaw and jabbed my fingers into my hair before I tucked them in the pockets of my jeans. I rocked on my heels while staring into her eyes.

Couldn't she see the brokenness and fear in her eyes? Was she really that naïve to have believed that she was fine?

It took me all but two seconds to gather myself before I took three steps and halted in front of her. I slipped my fingers around her wrist, carefully not to hurt her, and pulled her towards the bedroom. She fought me in every way, but I kept my gentle grip on her wrist until I found the bathroom.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she hissed. I brought her to a standstill in front of the mirror in the bathroom, and I took a stand behind her.

"Look at yourself, Bella" I whispered through narrowed lips. My arm came around her body while my other arm crept up until I held her jaw between my fingers, forcing her to look into the mirror. I pushed her closer to the mirror. "Look into your eyes, Bella, and tell me what you see" I ordered.

"_**Darling you look terrified**_

_**Why are you so afraid?**_

_**It's like the colors in your eyes**_

_**Betrayed your face and turned to grey**_

_**Now what a shame you never learned to fly**_

_**A shame I cut your wings"**_

I softly sang to her. There was a slight flicker in her eyes, telling me that she heard what I've sung to her. I knew I had hurt Bella, but the horror in her eyes this morning, showed me what I've really done to her.

She turned her face away from the mirror again, but I gently pulled it back towards the mirror.

"Look what I've done to you…see the brokenness, the doubt, the pain…the fucking fear and horror, Bella, look at what I've done to you" I said with a thick voice. I had to swallowed the sob that was about to escape my lips. My heart was in excruciating pain as if someone jabbed a dagger through it and twisted it around and around.

She looked at herself in the mirror while tears rolled down her cheeks. She let the tears roll down this time, not bothering with wiping them. For a long while we just stood there, Bella looking at herself, and me holding her in front of the mirror. We never moved, we just stood there in silence with sniffling as the only sounds.

"_**You've got nothing left to lose**_

_**You've taken all of your chances**_

_**Every single inch of you is tired of questions without answers**_

_**Now I may not have those words you need**_

_**To save you from disaster**_

_**But I could be that wind you need**_

_**To fly away**_

_**Fly away"**_

Her eyes met mine in the mirror when I stopped singing. My heart hammered in my throat.

"Edward" she whimpered. "It wasn't just you" she said through a sob.

I slowly released her, but kept my eyes on hers through the mirror. It seemed that the fear and pain had increased…I slid my eyes closed because I couldn't bear to see her in so much pain. It killed me…

"You don't need to do that" I laughed humorously. "I can see what I've done"

"Believe what you want" she sighed, "it wasn't just you, Edward"

"Then who else? Did you love someone else?" I asked with hands around my heart, squeezing the life out of it.

She shook her head, "I don't trust you enough to tell you…maybe" she bit her lip, "maybe someday" she said without looking at me.

"I'm so sorry" I sucked in a deep breath. "I know I'm not worthy of your love, but I just don't know how to live without you anymore, Bella. The crippling agony of a life without you is killing me…it kills me to know this. I guess I'll always be a selfish motherfucker" I said hoarsely.

"_**I could be your Aeroplane,**_

_**If you want to fly away**_

_**Then we'll fly away**_

_**Come on fly away"**_

"I used to love that song" she confessed after my words died. My eyes met hers in the mirror when she raised hers again. I would take whichever breakthrough I could from Bella, even if it was her confessing to me about a song of mine she used to love. I was desperate for Bella's heart to belong to me again, even though I never deserved it in the first place.

"Really?" I asked, clearing my throat.

"It gave me strength…sometimes" she said. My heart went into overdrive. It may have been something stupid to have gotten excited about, but it was a confession from her, telling me that she was listening to _my_ music, and that it had given her strength.

"I've written it just after you left" I confessed, too. Her eyes widened in surprise, and I nodded with a stupid grin on my face, "No matter how hard I tried, or how much I used to drink, nothing could erase the memory from the look in your eyes when you begged me to choose you" I said sadly. "It haunted me…still does" I whispered.

Bella turned around and stormed past me, pushing me out of the way.

"Bella, wait" I groaned as I followed her back to the living room.

"Edward, how can you do this to your…to Tanya" she asked furiously. "I mean, first you kissed me last night and now you are here to pledge your love" she sounded disgusted. "How can I even begin to trust you when you are basically cheating on your fiancé?" she spat.

"Bella" I approached her again and gently wrapped both my hands around her arms. "I broke the engagement off" I explained, "and before you ask, I broke it off the same day I returned to LA" I added. I said that I would wait for her to approach the subject, and now she had.

A small gasp escaped her pouty lips. "Why?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Have you not heard a fucking word I've been saying?" it broke my heart that she hadn't believed a word I've said to her. "I can't live in a lie anymore, Bella, I can't marry someone I don't love"

"You also couldn't marry someone you have claimed to love so fucking much" she said sadly.

My eyes met her as she slowly looked up. She clamped her hand down my right hand and threw my hand off of her. I flinched at the pain that shot through my knuckles. Fuck, I've forgotten that I've punched that fucker…my hand was a bit sensitive.

"Just like you claimed to have loved me, Bella" I smiled sadly, holding my right fist in my left hand. Her eyes widened before she clenched her jaw tightly.

"I did love you" she said through narrowed lips. "What's wrong with your hand?" she asked.

I shook my head, "Then you would have stayed, like I should have married you" I said. I looked down to my hand, "I may or may not have punched a reporter" I sighed. The conversation was all over the place with my hurt hand added into it. I knew Bella, and I knew she would try to change the subject with my hurt hand. I needed her to realize that she had just as much guilt from our break-up than I had. Yes, I've made a big fucking mistake – one I'll regret for the remainder of my life – but she couldn't go on accusing me that I never loved her when her choices, from that day, destroyed me as well. Her choices caused me to doubt her love for me, too. She had to see it, she had to realize it.

"What?" she asked shocked. "Why did you do that?" she asked. She took my hand in her own and twisted it so my palm rested in her tiny hand. She gently rubbed her finger over my slightly swollen knuckles. That action right there proved to me that somewhere deep inside – beneath the broken Bella – she still had feelings for me. She sighed. "It's not the same, Edward" she continued with our serious conversation before my hand became the distraction. She shook her head, refusing to acknowledge that I was right about her staying and me marrying her.

"He made some false allegations" I said to answer her question about why I punched the fucker. I took my hand out of hers and clenched and unclenched my fist a few times. Fuck, it had felt amazing when she stroked my hand with her finger. Her strawberry scented hair reminded me off my dream from this morning, and I knew I had to get away from her before my resting dick emerged, and caused chaos…or embarrassment.

"If you can't see that it is in fact the same fucking thing, then you're a hypocrite, Bella" I said calmly. "Because if you had stayed like I begged you to, I would have married you just like you wanted" I added. I refused to get mad and fight with her again. I was planning on going forward from here; starting with working on forgiving her for lying to me, and for leaving me. I guess I was already halfway there…

"I want you to leave" she hissed in anger. "You told me that you never wanted to get married, you lying fuck" she hissed further. Bella was furious, but I stayed calm and tucked my hands back in my jeans.

I chuckled with a shook of my head. "I'm going, Bella, but you need to hear the truth about that day. I can see you're not ready for that, though, so I'll wait until you're ready to believe what I tell you"

"I'm leaving for Seattle tonight" she said, "And I won't see you anytime soon, so screw you and your damn truths" she sneered as if that solved our problems.

I just laughed at that. She had no clue that she was going to see me sooner than she expected.

"Where should I call Tristan today?" I asked, refusing to give into an argument. If I wanted to win her heart back, I should tread lightly and take everything slow.

"Charlie's" she simply answered without further explanations. I nodded and made my way to the door.

"Bella, what about the media?" I asked when I realized that we never discussed it.

"You should have thought about that before you punched a reporter" she grinned sarcastically.

"I wasn't talking about me; I was talking about your part in the media" I watched her face fell. My heart went out towards her, but she was already pissed at me and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire blazing inside her heart.

"It's not your problem" she answered.

"The fuck it is, Bella, Tristan is my son, too, and my name is in that fucking article" I raised my voice a little. "Besides, I think both our lives are going to be a frenzied media mess for a couple of weeks"

"I don't know what to do" she admitted.

I sighed. "The best thing you can do right now, is to make a statement" I advised. "Running away won't keep them off your back, it'll only motivate them to dig deeper into your past"

There was that horrible fear in her eyes again. What the fuck was that about? What had happened to her?

"They'll publish pictures of Tristan and Abbey" she shook her head, "I don't want them exposed to the brutality of the media"

"They'll publish pictures with or without your consent, Bella" I sighed, "You'll bore them soon enough" I added. It was true, once the media figured there wasn't any more sensation to write about, they'll forget about you, as if you never even existed to them.

"I don't want pictures published of Tris and Abs"

"I wish I can tell you that they won't publish any, but I'll be lying to you. They're going to dig up everything about you, Bella, because they believe that you were hiding behind Izzy because Isabella Swan has a dark secret of some sort, and they'll dig until they find that secret"

"Believe me, I know. I've been dealing with this shit for almost fifteen years…the press can be brutal with their allegations. They don't give a shit about you as a person; they only care about their names in the article on the front page. They kiss ass like you won't believe" I explained to her.

"I'll discuss it with my manager once I go back to Seattle" she sighed.

"I'll call you" I said.

She only nodded her head. This wasn't just about Bella anymore, Tristan and Abbey was going to be a part of this battle in the media, and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep me out of it. Tristan was my son, and I'll fucking die protecting him.

When I arrived back at my house, Garrett was still there, cooking up a fucking storm.

"Hey, Gar, what the hell are you still doing here? I though I've given you the day off" I said as soon as I stepped into the kitchen.

"Hey, man, yea you did" he said while stirring something in a pot. He closed the lid and turned around to face me. "I was about to leave this morning when the security guard at the gate called" he chuckled, "it seems you have a surprised visitor" he added.

My eyes widened. "Really? I wasn't expecting anyone" I frowned.

"Your dad wanted to surprise you" he explained.

"My dad's here?" I asked in shock.

He nodded, "Yup" he looked around as if searching for him, "he looks like shit, bro, but don't tell him I said it" he added quickly.

I chuckled. "I won't"

"I think he is in one of your guest rooms" he scratched his head, "he said something about lying down"

"Thanks, Garrett" I smiled, taking a whiff of the aroma in the kitchen. "Whatever you're cooking smells fucking great…" I added with a chuckle.

"Just keeping you on your knees, bro, just keeping you on your knees" he laughed.

I wondered what my dad was doing here. I took the stairs two at a time with Garrett's words echoing in my mind _'he looks like shit'._

Ever since he and my mom got divorced, he was unhappy. No matter what they went through as husband and wife, he loved my mom unconditionally. It destroyed him when they divorced. It had been years, even before Bella and I broke up, and he had been single ever since. He refused to be broken like that again. Dad had tried to work things out with mom, but she rejected him. She was as stubborn as a fucking mule. They remained friends, though, even had sleep-overs like fucking teenagers. We questioned that part, a lot, secretly wondering if they were friends with benefits. I shook my head at the thought. Fuck!

I knocked on the door of the room my father usually occupied when he came to visit.

"Dad" I knocked again.

He coughed and cleared his throat, "Come in, son" his voice sounded hoarse from sleep.

I turned the knob and opened the door. He lay on his back with his head resting against the pillows. At first I was frozen at the sight of my father. He was pale and his face was pulled as if in pain. He had also lost weight.

"Dad, are you okay?" I asked in concern. I walked closer to the bed and took a seat when he patted the spot next to him. The bed shifted when I sat down.

"I just have a headache" he explained.

"Not to sound disrespectful, but it looks like more than just a headache. What's going on?" I asked seriously. My forehead creased with a frown. "I've known you my entire life and I can see that something's wrong"

He chuckled but flinched, closing his eyes slowly. He opened them again.

"I'll tell you what's going on," he patted my leg, "but first I want to know everything about my grandson"

My heart sprinted out of my chest.

"He's great, dad, fuck, I loved him before I even met him" I shook my head. "I can't even imagine my life without him"

"I want to meet him, Edward" he said, sounding a bit driven. I narrowed my eyes again, but he held his palms up towards me, "later" he added to my unasked question.

"I'm sure I can arrange for you to meet him. I don't think Bella will have a problem with that" I said with the worry inside my heart increasing.

"That'll be great" he said.

Carlisle Cullen was Chief of staff at the Northwestern Memorial hospital in Chicago, Illinois. He was the best damn surgeon in this world. My father had blonde hair – which none of his children inherited -, blue eyes and deep dimples – both inherited by Alice and Emmett -, tall and used to be well-built. Now he was skin and bones.

Carlisle hung on every word that came from my mouth as I told him about Tristan. He was in awe when I told him how much my son loved music. It was when the subject of Bella came up that my chest constricted.

"I don't know, dad, she's so broken" I sighed. I rose to my feet and paced the floor in front of his bed.

"It's to be expected, son" he said in his calming voice.

I nodded, "I know, but…" my voice died at the last word.

"But?" he prompted.

"I don't know…I just don't see her loving me ever again. I can't even forgive myself for what I've done to her" I shook my head, "I don't think she'll forgive me"

"You and Bella always had a strong bond" he smiled. "We never understood the extremities of your relationship. I always thought that you were going to get married someday" he smiled in a bittersweet sort of way.

I sighed.

"I'll never forgive myself for causing you fear of marriage" he continued.

"Dad, it's not your fault" I argued, "I can't build my life based on your mistakes and fear every fucking thing that went wrong in yours…I should have known that from the start, but I was young and stupid. I thought marriage was a bunch of bullshit, destroying the love two people shared. I believed that marriage destroyed the person you love…destroyed both parties involved" I sighed, raking my hands through my hair. "I was such a fucking idiot" I tucked on my hair.

"If you and Bella are meant to be then it'll happen, Edward. A love like yours and Bella's never dies" he held his palms up when I was about to open my mouth. "Yes, she's hurt, and probably angry and confused, but that girl loves you. I remember the look in her eyes whenever she looked at you"

"You haven't seen her in a while, dad, her eyes are dull, angry and bitter" I argued.

"Something I've seen in your eyes as well" he chuckled.

"Bella had caused you pain as well, Edward, and she lied to you about Tristan" he explained, taking a deep breath before continuing, "if you could have found it in your heart to forgive her, she'll do the same. She needs more time"

"How do I know if I've truly forgiven her?" I asked, feeling stupid for my thirty one years.

He laughed softly, but closed his eyes with a hiss. "There's only love in your eyes, Edward, love, adoration, admiration and a softness that wasn't there before, whenever you mention her name. I can see that you've forgiven her, but if you can't feel it then there's something still buried deep inside that you need to dig up and deal with"

"Dad, I've felt it this morning when I was at Bella's hotel room, but I wasn't sure. I thought it was too soon-"

"Oh, Edward, stop believing that everything happens too soon. Life is _too_ short for such stupid beliefs…just follow your heart, feel it and go with the flow. You'll never truly be happy if you live your life based on time"

"You're right" I nodded; "Of course you're right" I smiled. I looked down to my father with concern and worry filling my heart.

I took a seat on the edge of the bed again and frowned.

"Dad, about that talk" I prompted him.

"I have a brain tumor, Edward" he said, coming straight to the point.

I shook my head in shock. My heart filled with fear.

"What? No, dad, NO!" I hissed. I flew of the bed and started pacing again. My heart was a mess.

"Edward, I'm-"

"They can remove it, right? I mean, there are people who live with these kinds of things all over the world-"

"Edward, calm down" he sighed. "Why don't you come and sit back down on the bed?" he suggested.

"No, dad, I'll rather stand" I said sadly. I had a feeling that the news wasn't good. Fear's claws clamped into my heart and squeezed hard.

"It's too dangerous to remove the tumor; besides, they won't be able to remove everything and it's a grade four tumor. It's a very aggressive tumor and the thing will grow back faster than a lightning bolt"

"Is it life-threatening?" I asked the one question that I really wanted to ignore, but I needed to know.

He nodded his head. "It's Astrocytomas, and like I said, it is grade four, which means that it's fast-growing and very aggressive"

"And they're not going to do anything about it?" I hissed.

"Edward, there's nothing anyone can do. We already tried radiology-"

"How long have you known about this?" I interrupted him.

"A couple of weeks" he answered.

"And you tell me now?" I asked hurt.

"I didn't want to involve you if it wasn't that serious" he sighed, "but since I'm dying, I had to tell you" I flinched at his words. He spoke about it as if it was nothing, as if it was just another talk about the fucking weather and a walk in the park.

"You're dying?" I gasped.

"Edward, the tumor is still growing. Even if they remove it, it'll grow back" he explained. "I just want to spend my last days with Emmett, Alice and you" he smiled.

"You're not fighting this, dad, why not?" I felt the tears when it was already too late. They rolled down my cheeks feeling lost and disappointed that my father just accepted that he was dying. He was a doctor for crying out loud, he knew how new technology could save lives, or change lives, or even prolong lives.

"Edward, the tumor is too aggressive, son, if I had found the tumor sooner I could have prolonged my life with maybe one year" he sighed. "The problem is that the tumor is grade four, Edward, and radiology could prolong my life with seventeen weeks, at the most"

"How could you have not known?" I accused. "You're a doctor"

"I've been getting headaches all my life; I just thought it was all the stress I was under. I never realized"

"Have you told mom?" I asked.

He shook his head no, "you're the first person I've told"

"Emmett and Alice doesn't know?" I asked. Again he shook his head no. "Dad, you have to tell them"

"I will" he agreed, "if it's alright with you, I'd like to stay with you for a while?" he asked.

The anger had left my body and was replaced with remorse for taking my anger out on him. My heart crumbled at the sight of my dad in front of me. I was going to lose him. I was thirty one years old, but at that moment I was a little boy who still needed his dad in his life. It felt like we were being robbed of time; time to make up for ten years of touring, to get to know Tristan, to see Alice's baby, to see Bella and me back together…things I thought we still had lots of time for.

I rushed to the bed and knelt in front of it, taking my father's hand in mine. "Dad, there's nothing more I'd like than for you to stay with me" I smiled. My vision of my father blurred as tears started building up again. "You just have to come do it in Seattle" I chuckled before a sob escaped my lips.

He wiggled his hand out of mine and placed it on my head, "you're moving to Seattle?" he asked. I nodded and started telling him how I broke off the engagement with Tanya, which he praised, and I told him how I quit the band. I kept my mouth shut about Alice because that was definitely something he had to hear from her.

"Then I'm moving with you" he smiled. His eyes slid closed and a moment of panic filtered through me, but then I saw his chest moving up and down, and I relaxed with a deep sigh.

I removed his hand from my head and placed it next to his body. This felt so unfair. He was only fifty six years old and still had a long road ahead of him. Why did this have to happen to my father? Why now? Were we being punished for everything we've done wrong?

The air left my lungs when I remember his words…seventeen weeks…weeks! Not months, not years, weeks. That was what he got for giving his life to medicine. That was what he got for being the best fucking surgeon on this damn earth. A big fucking tumor with a seventeen week fuck you.

I started sobbing and placed my fist in my mouth to stifle the sobs. His breathing was deep and steady, but I refused to leave his bedside. It felt like I had to make every second count that I still had with him. Soon, he would be gone and I would never get a moment like this again. I wanted to cherish every moment with my father.

I raked my fingers through his blonde hair. He stirred, but only moved his head a little before he sighed and fell back to a deep sleep. "I love you, dad, please don't die" I silently sobbed. "I still need you, dad, Alice still needs you. You can't leave us" I said through sobs, tears streaming from my eyes.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**A/N: So, Edward's dream? Was it a bit much? Did you like it? What do you think about Carlisle? **

**I'm so thrilled about the responses I've been getting for the previous chapter. You guys are amazing and you motivate me to no end. Please keep the reviews coming because I really need to hear what you think.**

**I would like to thank the guys following this story and who labeled it a favorite. Thank you for reading. **

**Please don't stop reviewing. **

**P.S I'm not a big fan of nickelback but that song has awesome lyrics!**


	14. Chapter Thirteen - Problems at heart

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics in this chapter belong to: **

Tangled in the great escape – Pierce the Veil

Black – Pearl Jam

I miss you – Blink182

_This is for the guest reviewer, Beth: Thank you for reading the story up to this point, and I'm really sorry to lose you as a reader, but I understand completely about your decision. Thanks again._

_I would also like to apologize for not warning you guys in the previous chapter about Carlisle's illness. I should have written a warning before the chapter started that it might be sensitive to some readers. _

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

_**I let you down and I started to run.**_

_**Never meant to be your pain.**_

_**Oh my God, what have I become?**_

_**Show me and show me the way back.**_

_**Show me the way back home.**_

_**(Tangled in the great escape – Pierce the Veil)**_

Chapter Thirteen – Problems at heart

BPOV

After my flight landed, I went directly to baggage claim to get my stuff. Seth had stayed behind in LA to cancel my other signings and concerts.

I saw my bright pink and black suitcase on the conveyer and grabbed it with a sigh. It felt good to be back in Seattle, back home. The chaos on LAX was enough to last me for a lifetime. The paparazzi's were beyond brutal especially when it came to Edward and the allegations they made.

Edward was right about one thing, though, I had to make a statement because the shit they were making up was ridiculous.

I was just about to relish in the peace and quiet of _Sea-Tec_ airport when I was attacked by the press.

"Isabella Swan, why did you lie about your identity?"

"Isabella Swan, is Edward Cullen the father of your son?"

"When can we have a statement, Isabella?"

I hid my face in my coat and pushed past them. Their cameras flashed around me. I was about to have a panic attack when I heard Jake's voice yell my name. I almost cried from relief. My eyes scanned the area frantically and when I spotted him, I started sobbing. My legs wobbled a little but I pushed myself to walk faster and straight into his arms.

"Who is this, Isabella? Is this your boyfriend?"

"Isabella, is this your daughter's father?"

"Jake" I whispered, "get me out of here, please"

"Come on" he took my suitcase in one hand and wrapped his other arm around my shoulders. I tucked my head into the crook of his neck as we walked out of the airport.

The cameras kept flashing even after we pulled away in Jake's black Mercedes, and I knew we were going to be on the front page of tomorrow's paper. We drove in silence for a while before I cleared my throat and dared to look at Jake. From the last time we spoke he was livid, and from the looks of things, he still was. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were narrowed as he kept them on the road.

"Jake…"

"Not now, Bella, I'm driving" he interrupted me.

I sighed. I couldn't blame him for being angry. I have lied to him and now he was being pulled into this media frenzy without even knowing what the fuck was going on. He hadn't deserved what I'd done. Another sigh escaped my lips before I rested my head against the seat.

"You still coming to my place, right?" he asked with a tight voice.

"I said I would spend the night at your place, Jake, why would I change my mind?" I asked in irritation. I was tired - beyond tired - and pissed at the world, even though I've dug my own fucking grave and have no one else but myself to blame.

He just gave me one nod without answering. I bit down on my bottom lip. This was going to be a long night.

Once we stopped at his house, he climbed out of the car and came around to open the door for me. He then took my suitcase out of the trunk of his car and walked to his front door. I followed him with a heavy heart. I rather wanted to see my children than to be here – in this house with a brewing Jacob Black -, but it was late and I would arrive at my dad's house at two in the morning. They would be sleeping anyway, and I wouldn't want to keep Charlie out of sleep by waiting up for me – worriedly waiting up for me.

"Why have you lied to me, Bella?" he asked as we barely made it inside the house. He threw my suitcase down.

"I didn't want to pull you into that life…it was a risk if too many people knew-"

"I'm not just anybody, Bella, fuck sakes, I'm your fiancé" he lashed out. He raked his fingers through his black hair before he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I don't even understand why you had to go through such extremes just to fucking sing! Why?"

"To avoid exactly what's happening right now" I argued, rubbing my forehead viciously. "I just wanted to make enough so that I could get my degree and-"

"Your degree?" he spat, "Bella, I could have helped you with that. I have the money-"

"I don't want your fucking money, Jake" I spat back.

"Why not? You are going to be my wife in a month, Bella, what's mine is yours"

I shook my head. How could I explain to him that it would make me feel guilty? I already felt guilty enough by not loving him the way he loved me…adding his money to the pile would be disastrous.

"No, Jake, I'm not taking your money. I don't want your money, do you understand?"

He sighed. "There's other ways to get a fucking degree, Bella, like taking out a loan-"

I snorted. "And I'll have to pay that back at some stage, Jake, what if I won't be able to" I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest. "No, that wasn't even an option"

"You made me look like a fool, Bella"

"Jake," I sighed and approached him slowly. I clenched the front of his shirt with my fists and stared at his chest, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I apologized while I slowly raised my eyes to meet his.

His eyes bored into mine and the black angry orbs slowly liquefied into the loving brown orbs I knew. He took a deep breath before his arms wrapped around my body and pulled me close to him.

"I love you, Bella, so fucking much" he whispered into my hair.

I felt a single tear roll down my cheek because I knew I had to say those words back, but they just wouldn't form in my mouth. Everything about the moment felt wrong; the arms around me, the husky voice pledging his love to me and the lips against my forehead.

The guilt of what happened in my hotel room back in LA, consumed me. I felt the bile rose to my throat when flashes of mine and Edward's lips tangled together, played out before me like a fucking movie scene. I cheated on Jake…I cheated on a man who trusted me, a man who does not deserve my betrayal.

"Jake" I cleared my throat and gently pushed him away, "if you don't mind, I'd like to go to bed. It's been a long day and I'm bushed" I tried to smile, but my lips pulled into a narrow line instead.

Jake frowned while rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

I could only nod.

"Then let's get you to bed" he smiled. "We can talk some more in the morning" he added.

After I took a long hot shower, I crawled into bed next to Jake. I took a deep, relaxing breath before I said goodnight to Jake. I never heard his reply because I fell into a deep sleep directly after the words escaped my mouth.

I was awoken by the wrinkling of paper, like pages turning.

I raised my left arm and stretched out with a deep yawn followed by a satisfied sigh. I turned onto my back and stared at the white ceiling. I was supposed to be disturbed by the dream I had of Edward, but I felt content and wished, for a second, that it could have been real. The way his lips trailed feathery light kisses over my entire body left me wanting more. The anticipation I felt in my dream was still lingering inside my heart, leaving me sad that the dream was over before I had a chance to see what would have happened next, though, I knew deep down what would have happened next. He would have satisfied me in every way – just like he used too – before he would have made incredible love to me.

A lazy smile curled my lips and a deep sigh escaped my mouth.

"Is that smile for me or for Cullen?" I was brought back to reality by Jake's venomous voice. I raised my upper body and leaned on my elbows, staring at a furious Jake. He was sitting on his leather couch in the farthest corner of his room. He had a magazine in his hands and a newspaper on his lap.

I widened my eyes at his accusation and my heart sprinted in fear.

"What do you mean?" I stuttered.

He broke the eye contact for a second before he looked back at me.

"Where do I start?" he hissed. "Maybe I should start by asking you why the fuck are you having sex dreams about Cullen? But on second thought, I could always turn to the fucking tabloids for answers" he spat. He stood up and threw the magazine onto the bed, a livid Edward staring back at me from the front page. I sat up completely and took the magazine, turning to the article inside – my dream of him completely forgotten.

_**F #k You! **_I read the headline. Another picture of Edward was printed on a full page, followed with tiny pictures as he assaulted a reporter.

_**A statement from Edward Cullen, lead singer of the band – Eclipse -, was made yesterday after he was caught entering the hotel where Isabella Marie Swan, or, Izzy Stewart as we know her, were staying.**_

"_**You want a statement, you vultures, I'll give you a damn statement" he said after he assaulted one of the reporters, Caius Volturi. "F# k you! How about that for a f# king statement? Go print that in your pathetic magazines and newspapers" he stated before he jumped into the elevator which probably led to Isabella's room.**_

_**The question on society's lips is whether Edward and Isabella are back together? **_

I swallowed hard before I turned to the next page, revealing a full page of Edward's fiancée, or ex-fiancée according to him.

_**We may be able to answer that question. Tanya Denali, Edward's fiancée, gave us a full statement.**_

_**Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali are broken up, yes, we were just as shocked to learn this, but they broke of their engagement. **_

"_**Ever since he ran into Bella Swan he changed; he was cold and distant towards me" a hurt Tanya stated. "He broke our engagement off, two weeks after he ran into Bella Swan again"**_

_**We asked her about Isabella's son, and Tanya had this to say; **_

"_**Yes, he is Edward's son. He never knew he had a son. She kept it a secret for over ten years" Tanya stated.**_

I read a few lines of Tanya's statement and my blood was fucking boiling towards this woman. I've never done anything to her, I don't even know her, but she's implying in this article that Edward broke her heart to come back to me. And blabbering shit about my son, about something she had no fucking clue about, pissed me off.

_**Could there be romance blossoming between Edward and Bella – as Tanya said her name was – or are their relationship purely that off a mother and father who have split up? We'll hopefully have answers for you soon enough when either Edward or Bella decides to give a full statement! **_

"What was he doing in your hotel room, Bella?" Jake's voice brought me out of my reverie. My head shot up to meet the eyes of my furious fiancé.

"What are you implying, Jake?" I asked, heat rising to my cheeks. I looked away from his piercing eyes as they accused me of what I've already felt guilty about – the kiss!

"By the guilt in your eyes and the blood-red blush on your face, I guess I'm not implying anything, I fucking **know**" he bellowed. He raked his fingers through his hair a couple of times before he brought his hands to a standstill on his hips. "I want the truth, Bella" he whispered. His chest heaved up and down from the fury that must have built up from the inside.

I hugged my knees to my chest and took a deep breath. Do I tell Jacob the truth about my betrayal? Do I want to break his heart? Break the promise I made to marry him?

"Jake, I-"

"Now's not the time to say you're fucking sorry, Bella, I just want to hear the truth out of your mouth" he hissed through clenched teeth.

I looked down to my hands that were folded around my legs. I haven't even had the guts to look into his eyes. I was a miserable excuse for a human being.

"NOW!" he bellowed, and I almost jumped off the bed as his voice sounded like a cracked whip echoing through the room. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I started my explanation.

"He came to my room after my first concert" I started telling him about how Edward figured out that I was Izzy Stewart. I still didn't look into Jake's eyes and kept mine on my wringing fingers around my legs. When I came to the part where we kissed, my lips quivered and I stuttered throughout the entire tale.

"You kissed him?" he asked shocked. Although Jake seemed to have known that something happened in my hotel room, he hadn't expected it to be true. The shock on his face proved it. He had hoped that I was going to tell him that nothing happened and that the reporters were only speculating.

"It happened so fast…I was livid and a bit tipsy…I just, I just don't know what to tell you, Jake. It happened and I wish I could go back in time and change it, but I can't" I explained. I frowned. Would I have changed that kiss if I could have gone back in time? Would I have pushed him away before his lips – his gloriously soft and sweet lips - locked with mine? These questions were supposed to have one answer and one answer only, yes, I would have. But, I wasn't even able to form that three-letter-word in my head. The worst part was that my thoughts were supposed to infuriate me – for even cheating on Jake in my head -, but they hadn't.

"You were angry? And drunk?" he spat, bringing me out of my reverie about Edward's lips. "Is that supposed to be an excuse for kissing him?"

"Jake, I'm not using excuses. It's the truth. It was ten years of pent-up emotions-"

"Oh, please, Bella, don't start that shit with me" he paced the floor in front of the bed. "I can't believe you…you made a promise to me, Bella" he accused.

The guilt multiplied by double after his words. I **had** made a promise to Jake. I promised that I wouldn't betray his trust and that I would marry him. But that was before Edward re-entered my life…before Edward had pledged his love to me again.

"Jake, I'm sorry" I hissed. I was getting sick and tired of everyone treating me like shit; treating me as if I was a fucking child. I was sick and tired of people assuming shit about my life, accusing me of shit and of people yelling at me all the time.

"I can forgive you, Bella, for cheating and betraying my trust" he sighed. "I guess the real question here would be if you'll still marry me?" he asked. He stopped pacing and met my eyes. I hugged my legs closer to my chest as the hurt in his eyes pierced my heart.

"Why would you still want to marry me? Jake, I'm a miserable excuse-"

He took two steps towards the bed and pulled me out. I stood in front of him, my heart hammering inside my chest, and he cupped my cheeks between his palms so delicately, as if I was a china doll and he was afraid I would break. I closed my eyes at his touch; warmth and safety filled my heart, but no love – not real love anyways – maybe that of a friend.

"I love you, Bella, don't you see. I love you so fucking much" he said hoarsely. "I can't lose you, Bella, I just can't" he whispered. His eyes were liquid-gold from all the emotions.

I closed my eyes again. I was so confused; my heart wanted Edward, even though he had hurt me beyond repair, I still wanted him. But Jake needed me, and I made a promise to Jake to marry him. How could I break his heart? Break my promise to him?

"I made a promise to you, Jake, and I'll keep my promise" I said and felt my heart break into a million pieces.

He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. I sighed. It was time to forget about what Edward said, and forget about my feelings for him because this man needed me. He had done so much for me and my kids, and if I had to repay him by marrying him, then that's what I'll do.

Thank goodness Edward was in LA and I would not see him for a while. That would make my decision about marrying Jake so much easier. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing Edward and go through with my wedding-plans, though the wedding was already planned and paid for.

_**And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass  
Of what was everything?  
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...  
All the love gone bad, turned my world to black  
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be…**_

_**(Black – Pearl Jam)**_

I missed my kids so damn much, and if I could have been in Forks last night, I would have. The drive to Forks was long and the silence between Jake and me were killing me. I just had nothing to say, and I guess he had a lot of thinking to do; by the way his face scrunched up every few seconds, the way he pinched the bridge of his nose and the way he took turns rubbing his forehead and the back of his neck. He looked agitated a few times and then sad at other times. It broke my heart to know that I was the cause of that hurt and anguish.

When we turned down the familiar old street, I saw Charlie's white house with his cruiser parked on the lawn. I shook my head, he never gave a shit about a garden or that he fucks up the lawn by parking on it. My heart sped up when Jake pulled into the drive way. I was out of the car before Jake even pulled it to a stop.

"Mommy, mommy" Abbey came running through the front door. I crouched down and held my arms out for her. She ran straight into them and I picked her up, twirling her around and around. I took a whiff of her hair and sighed in contentment. The emptiness in my heart filled with Abbey's presence.

"I've missed you so much, baby-girl" I said and planted kisses all over her face. Her giggles filled up my heart even more.

"I missed you too, mommy" she gave me a wet-kiss before she wiggled herself out of my arms. She ran to Jake and greeted him. I looked around for Tristan and smiled when I saw him standing on the porch. I frowned when he just stood there, not moving to come and greet me.

"Tris" I called out. He turned around and ran into the house. My heart broke into a million pieces by his rejection. I couldn't help but wonder what the hell was wrong? What could have happened for him to refuse to greet me?

Jake took a stand next to me, lacing out fingers together. Abbey took my other hand and we walked towards Charlie who slowly approached us. By the frown on Charlie's face, I knew something was wrong. I quickly crouched down to look at my daughter.

"Abs, why don't you go and see if Tristan needs help with something" I suggested.

She pouted and sighed, "He's older than me, but I have to help him with stuff" she stomped her tiny foot before she made her way to the house, "like** all** the time" she added over her shoulder. I haven't missed the 'all' she emphasized, and a low chuckle escaped my lips. She was too cute for her own good.

"Hey, dad" I greeted and hugged him.

"Bells" he smiled and nodded towards Jake before he shook Jake's hand in hello.

"What's going on with Tristan?" I asked, nodding towards the house.

Charlie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"He saw you on the news, Bella" Charlie explained.

"What, no?" I gasped. I clasped my hands in front of my mouth.

"I don't know what he meant, but he mumbled something 'bout 'lying again' and 'sick of lies'" Charlie made exclamation marks when he quoted Tristan's words and even tried to use Tristan's voice. "What was that about, anyway?" Charlie asked.

"I lied to him about Edward, dad, and I promised that I won't lie to him ever again" I explained.

"Well, he's pretty pissed. Wouldn't even speak to me, only person that he spoke to was Edward" Charlie rubbed down on his moustache.

"When did Edward call?" I asked. I saw Jake's frown out of my periphery, but ignored him. Edward was my son's father and he had to accept that fact, even though he had no time for Edward.

"Late last night" Charlie scratched his head, "he actually called twice. The first time was his normal time, but the second was really late" Charlie explained further. "Maybe Tristan called him and asked him to call back, I don't know, but that kid is a walking time-bomb"

"I'll go talk to him" I sighed and unhooked my fingers from Jake's.

"Bells, are you okay? I mean, with the media and everything that happened?" Charlie asked. Worry and concern filled his dark eyes, and I smiled lamely at him.

"I'll be fine, dad, I'm worried about Tris and Abs" I said before I excused myself to go talk to my son.

My heart hammered in my chest from the anxiety I felt. Being a mom was so hard, especially when I knew that I let one of my children down. On my way to Tristan, I kept thinking that I could face any lie I've told, except one; Abbey's father. I would die if I was confronted about that lie, especially by Abbey.

Tristan was sitting on my old bed, and when I entered the room, he barely looked up before he turned his head away from me and stared out of the window. Tears immediately sprung to my eyes, but I tried to swallow them back as I took a seat next to him on the bed.

"Don't I get a hello" I asked softly.

"Hello" he whispered hoarsely.

"Tris-"

"You have lied again, mom, after you promised no more lies" he accused.

"I had to lie about that, Tristan, don't you see that?" I started pleading my case.

He shook his head slowly before he turned to face me.

"Why? You have a beautiful voice, mom, why would you want to hide behind someone else's name?" he asked with a deep frown forming on his forehead. I swallowed hard. The resemblances between Edward and Tristan left me breathless, even more now that I've seen Edward again.

"I didn't want you and Abbey exposed, Tristan, the media can be brutal. You won't have much of a life, baby, you won't be able to go to the park without being assaulted by reporters. You won't even be able to go to the shop, Tristan" I explained myself.

"Oh, I never thought about that" he looked down to his fingers which were nervously playing with the hem of his shirt. His head shot up and looked at me again, "Dad seems to do just fine" he said and it felt like he threw me with a bucket of ice-cold water.

"Tristan," I said with my eyes closed, "Edward had years to get used to the paparazzi's…and he didn't have you to worry about" I said. "If Edward had known about you, he would have done anything to keep you out of the news"

"Mom, I didn't mean to compare you to dad, I'm sorry" he said.

"I know. I'm sorry, too, about lying again and for breaking your trust" I smiled lazily. I raked my fingers through his hair before I pulled him in for a big hug. My heart almost exploded in my chest when his arms wrapped around my waist. My son was the most forgiving person in this world.

_You should take a few pointers from him, _I thought to myself.

"Tris, I need to tell you something" I let him out of my arms and waited for him to look at me. "These next couple of days or weeks is going to be rough with reporters taking pictures of us. Plus, I want you to know that you shouldn't always believe what you read in the papers or in magazines, or see on the news. Some stories are just that, stories that are speculated by people who don't know the real facts"

"I understand, mom. It's like that reporter that dad punched because he was accusing you of cheating on dad" he nodded. I gasped.

"Where did you read about that?" I asked in shock.

He shook his head, "I didn't read about it, it was on the news late last night. That's why I called dad and asked him to call me back" he explained. "But dad already explained everything, not that I ever doubted you" he added quickly.

"Oh" I said softly. Again, I wasn't here when my son needed me, Edward was and he took my place. I had to admit that I was a bit jealous, but quickly pushed it away. He was Tristan's father and he had to stand up and play the part at some time.

"I have to admit, I was pretty impressed to have learned that Izzy Stewart was actually my mom in the flesh" he chuckled. "I now have two famous parents" he smiled.

"Oh, baby, I love you so much" I chuckled.

"I love you too, mom, but please don't lie to me anymore" his eyes were serious, reminding me of Edward's when he begged me to give him a fair chance before I marry Jake.

"I won't, I promise" I stroked his head with a smile. "So you'll be fine with everything that's going to happen?" I asked again.

He nodded. His lips curled into that crooked grin I loved so much. "Sure, I mean, Embry and Marcus are going to be so jealous that I have not one, but two famous parents" he laughed while holding two fingers in the air. It warmed my heart that he was actually proud of me, though I hated myself for leading them into this crazy media frenzy.

"Tris, where's Abbey?" I suddenly asked when I realized that I asked her to see if Tristan needed help.

He shrugged. "She asked me if I wanted help, and I figured that it was you that send her to ask me that" he cocked one eyebrow at me to let me know how well he knew me. I chuckled and shook my head. "So, I asked her to pack her clothes and get her stuff together" he winked.

"You are my rock, Tristan" I smiled.

"Pfft, I know" he pouted his lips and looked at me through the corners of his eyes before he burst into laughter. "You" laugh "should" laugh "see" laugh "your" laugh "face" he held onto his stomach while laughing some more.

I laughed with him before I bumped him with my shoulder. "So, we're okay, right?" I bit down the corner of my lip while waiting in anticipation for his answer.

"Sure, mom. We're cool" he bumped me back.

**Emmett's POV**

_**Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness  
Comes creeping on so haunting every time  
And as I stared I counted  
Webs from all the spiders  
Catching things and eating their insides  
Like indecision to call you  
and hear your voice of treason  
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
Stop this pain tonight**_

_**(I miss you – Blink182)**_

I just came from the hospital, a long ass shift behind me, and I was still wearing my scrubs. I grabbed a beer from my fridge and went to my living room, plopping down on my favorite leather couch. I shifted my body down the couch so that I was half-sitting-half-laying and leaned my head against the couch's back.

What a hectic day. Edward and Bella's names were on every gossip magazine on the shelves and every newspaper. Fuck me, you could have pushed me over with your fucking pinky when I've learned that Bella was indeed the famous, Izzy Stewart. I had no idea that Bella could sing, and sing she could, Bella had some fucking pipes.

If you asked me, I thought she was a fucking hypocrite. Leaving Edward ten years ago for being in a band and being famous, and years later she was doing the exact same thing she left Edward for. She was a real piece of work. I loved her like a sister, but she shit she had pulled on Edward pissed me the fuck off. First she almost killed him by leaving, then she kept his son away from him and then she started singing. I would like to give her a piece of my mind.

Ah, fuck, thinking about Bella brought a specific blonde to mind. Problem was, if I started thinking about her, I couldn't stop. Then I would probably go to bed and have another exotic dream about her, stand up with a hard-on, take care of it in the shower and be in a pissy mood the entire day.

I was such a fucking prick. Here I was, alone in my fucking house, with a sexy as hell blond dancing around in my damn head. And it was my own damn fault!

Ever since I walked out of Bella's apartment two weeks ago, I wasn't able to get Rosalie out of my head. How the fuck could I have walked away from her? Sure, I was pissed at her, especially after I found out that she was helping Bella in keeping my brother's son away from him, but to just let go of her? Was I fucking nuts?

I have never felt like this about a woman, not even about Irina, and I was just going to give up on her over some stupid feud between Edward and Bella. Fuck, I'm an idiot. I gripped my short hair between my fingers and pulled hard.

At least Edward would be moving back here soon. I'd have a fucking distraction, at least for a while.

I took a swig of my beer before I stood up and walked to my stereo system. I grabbed the remote and pressed play; the sounds of my favorite metal band filled the room, calming me instantly. But, only for a second because the lyrics reminded me of Rosalie and how fucking much I missed her.

My cellphone rang and I turned the volume down before I answered it. It was the security guard at my gate.

"Something wrong, Aro?" I answered.

"No, Mr. Cullen, but there's a woman here at the gate, and she's demanding to see you" he chuckled. "Pretty little lady" he added.

"Well, did she give you a name?" I asked amused.

"Miss Rosalie Hale" he said. My heart stopped beating for a moment. What was she doing here? "Ur, Mr. Cullen, can I open the gate for her?" he asked uncertain.

"Ur, yes, Aro, open the gate" I stuttered.

After I ended the call, I rubbed my sweaty hands down my scrubs. I had to take a few breaths to calm myself down and calm my erratically beating heart.

I went to my front door and waited by the open door for her. I was surprised to see her walking up the driveway and not driving. What happened to her car?

I crossed my arms over my chest and waited patiently for her. My insides were all bubbly from just seeing her afar and couldn't wait for her to get closer, but I was also wondering how she knew where I lived. We never got to that part in our short-as-shit-relationship.

The closer she came, the more unstable my heartbeat got. This was my soul mate walking towards me, the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I had no idea what she was doing here, but I had no intention of letting her go…ever again!

Her head hung a little while she walked, looking at her feet on the path, but when she raised her head and met my eyes, she froze in her steps. I beckoned her towards me with my forefinger and she continued up the path until she came to a standstill in front of me.

"Hey, Em" she whispered with sparkly eyes. My heart sprinted at the sound of her voice.

"Hey, yourself" I smiled. I moved out of the way and held my hand out towards the door. She walked past me into my house and I followed her.

"You're probably wondering how I knew where you lived?" she asked, looking really nervous while wringing her fingers together.

"It crossed my mind" I answered quickly. "But first I'd like to know how you got here?" I added before I disappeared to my kitchen where I grabbed two beers. I loved the fact that Rosalie liked her beer. I went back to the living room and handed her the beer.

"Thanks" she nodded. "Taxi" she answered simply and took a long swig from the bottle. Desire filled my heart while I watched her swallow the beer; her head was slightly tipped backwards, her full red lips locked around the rim of the bottle and her neck was beautifully exposed…fuck.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She caught me staring at her and bit down on the corner of her bottom lip.

"I…uh…I found a card with Edward's number in Tristan's room, so-"

"You called Edward?" I asked shocked. From what I've learned, Rose hates Edward and wants nothing to do with him.

She nodded. "I am a desperate woman" she shrugged.

"Wow" I shook my head. I took a seat on the leather couch and patted on the seat next to me. "Join me?" I asked.

She pulled her stilettos off of her feet before she sat down with her feet under her perfect ass. Oh, how I wished I were those feet. She was facing me and rested her elbow on the back of the couch with her head leaning on her clenched hand. Fuck, she was beautiful, an absolute vision.

I also turned to face her, but with only one of my legs resting under my body.

"You're desperate, are you? Why?" I asked curiously.

"Well, Bella and I had a talk the other night, and she said something that haunted me from the moment the words left her mouth-"

"Really? What did she say?" I interrupted her. My hands burned with desire to reach out and just touch her beautiful face, and my lips were prickling with need to lean down and kiss those luscious lips – which I only had the privilege to kiss twice since knowing her.

"That I'll regret letting you go because you are one hell of a fucking guy-"

My body moved an inch forward, my big hands cradled her porcelain skin while my thumbs gently rubbed her bottom lip from left to right and back again.

"Rose" I closed my eyes, my heart were swollen to a point where it was so fucking painful and hard to breathe. "Please bring my heart out of this hell it has been in since the moment I walked out of your apartment…please tell me that you are here for me and that you feel the same things I'm feeling" I begged.

"I've fallen for you, Emmett, fallen so hard that I can't seem to function without you. It feels like someone punched a hole through my chest from the moment you said goodbye" she whispered, her voice thick with emotions.

"I've not only fallen for you, Rosalie Hale, I'm fucking in love with you" I said as my face moved closer to hers. Our lips were merely inches from another. "I'm so sorry for walking away from you. I have regretted that decision from the moment I made it, and I'll never forgive myself for doing that. I can't seem to function without you, either, so please, please forgive me and be my girl again?" I pleaded. My heart was in absolute pain without this woman. I needed her like I needed air to breathe. "I'm sorry-"

My voice died as her lips locked with mine, sweet fucking music buzzed in my ears as our lips started moving together. My hands still cradled her face, but I moved them down to her neck pulling her closer to me.

Her hands crawled up my chest, up my neck, along my jawline and finally into my short hair where she locked her fingers around the curly hairs.

I have kissed Rosalie twice and each time were heaven, but this, this was so much deeper than anything I've ever felt before. The pent-up need from both of us, the love, the passion and the lust were thrown into this kiss and it intensified every feeling swirling around in my heart.

I have no idea how or when it happened, but Rosalie were straddling my body, pressing herself into me and eliciting a growl from my chest. My hands were resting on her lower back now, while our lips moved in perfect unison. She nibbled on my bottom lip and I felt my dick grow even harder, if that was even possible. I opened my mouth, giving her full access to the inside, and she slowly and seductively slipped her tongue into my mouth. Our tongues met and for a moment they just ghosted over one another, pleased with the reunion, and rejoiced in the feelings they provoked.

Rosalie pressed her lower body against mine, eliciting another low moan from my mouth, and started moving slowly. My hands crawled up her back and down again before they gripped her hips to still her movements. Her lips froze on mine before she opened her crystal blue eyes, filled with lust and desire, and now, confusion.

"What's wrong?" she asked huskily.

"If this is leading where I think it is I don't want it to happen on the couch" I said out of breath. "Is this what you want?" I asked.

"I don't care where we make love, Emmett-"

I removed my one hand from her hip and pressed my finger over her mouth. I laughed softly.

"That's not what I meant, Rose. I'm asking if you want to make love, I'm asking if you are sure about this?" I said with a smile.

"Oh" her lips formed the 'o' but they made no sound.

"Well…" I prompted when she just stared into my eyes.

"I'm sure, Em, I want you and I want you to make me yours in every way possible" she croaked, "if that's what you want" she added with uncertainty.

"Are you kidding me?" I raised my hips upwards, pressing my rock hard dick against her lower body, "that's all you, Rose"

"Then what are you waiting for?" she cocked her one eyebrow seductively and that was all I needed to hear. I wrapped my arms around her body and lifted both our bodies from the couch. I hastily made my way to the stairs – cursing myself for buying such a big fucking house with so many stairs – and started climbing them.

Her lips locked with mine again, and I stopped climbing, pushing her body against the wall. Our hands were everywhere; her fingers fumbled with the hem of my shirt and started pulling it upwards. I let go of her legs and helped her pull my shirt over my head, throwing it on the floor. I helped her to unbutton her blouse, revealing her black lace-covered breasts. My fingers trailed up her stomach, swirling over her erect nipple that was easily visible from under the lace. I leaned down and kissed the top of her naked breast just above her bra.

I groaned hard as I picked her up and started climbing again. We kissed and groped each other all the way to my room.

I threw our bodies onto my bed and was about to crawl over her body when she quickly sat up. Her eyes were wide, as if in awe, as she started looking around.

"Fuck, Em, you have a beautiful room" she gasped as she climbed off the bed and started walking around.

I groaned and pushed my face into my bed. "Rose, really? Do you have to look at the room now?" I said with my face still pushed into the bed.

Her bubbly laughter filled my room, and out of curiosity I looked up. My eyes must have bulged out of my sockets; she was standing there naked, well, half-naked. Her clothes were sprawled on the floor and she stood before me in only her matching black lacey bra and thong.

"Come here" I beckoned her with my forefinger.

My eyes froze on her legs, as they slowly walked towards me. Fuck, she had beautiful legs; endlessly long and perfectly shaped legs.

She kneeled onto the bed next to me; my hand automatically crept up her inner thighs and stopped at the black material that was soaking wet from her arousal. Our eyes locked; the raw unadulterated lust darkened her icy blue eyes to an almost purple.

My finger gently rubbed her clothed center, her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she bit down onto her bottom lip. The low whimpering sounds escaping her mouth almost made me cum then and there. I slowly sat up and placed both my hands on her back, tipping her over with my body and slowing her fall with my hands.

My lips ghosted over her entire body; starting at her lips, down her jawline, resting on her collarbone, across her shoulders and down to her breasts. My tongue flicked out and licked around her perfectly pink nipple before I sucked it into my mouth. Her back arched up, pushing her breast deeper into my mouth. I groaned, causing my lips to vibrate against her supple flesh. I gently nibbled on her nipple causing her body to writhe underneath mine.

I gave the same amount of attention to her other breast before my lips trailed lazily down her ribcage, across her stomach where I froze at her bellybutton, dipping my tongue into the tiny hole and swirled my tongue around and around. Her hands rested next to her body, but her hands fisted my bedspread.

I chuckled against her flesh, reveling in the fact that she was panting my name and desperately begged me to stop torturing her.

I had dreamt of this since the moment I laid eyes on Rosalie Hale, and the hell I was going to rush our first time together. I wanted to cherish every moment with her; every kiss, touch, moan and orgasm – especially the sexy look on her face when I bring her to that point.

I was kissing her small ankles while looking into her dark eyes. She was still writhing and tried to cross her legs to probably create some sort of friction, but I held her leg in place making it hard for her to do just that.

"Em" she panted, "I…can't…take…it…anymore…" she hissed through clenched teeth. I chuckled lowly.

"You're so beautiful" I smiled while placing soft kissing up her calf to her inner thigh. I could smell her arousal and it drove me insane. I wanted her; I wanted to bury myself so deep inside of her, but I wanted to give her one hell of a release before I did just that. I hooked my fingers under the elastic band of her thong, and she raised her hips so I could get rid of the material. I slowly slipped it down her hips and her legs. I sat back on my heels for a moment to take her gorgeous naked body in.

I made myself comfortable in between her legs, smiling at her before I lowered my head. She was bare and so fucking beautiful. I flicked my tongue out and rolled it over her clit causing her legs to tighten around my head. I laughed against her center before I gently locked my lips around her clit, slowly and teasingly sucked and nibbled. My thumb left off where my tongue stopped because I wanted to taste her; taste her arousal for me. I slowly licked down her slit and dipped my tongue into her soaking wet center; my lips vibrating against her as I growled from tasting her delicate goodness.

She was writhing and panting as I sucked and licked her. Her legs clamped my head tightly before her body convulsed around me. She screamed my name out as she came around my tongue. I kept sucking and licking as she came down from the blissful high she was on. She placed her hand on my head and gently pushed me away from her dripping center. "Too sensitive" she panted. I sat back on my heels again to look at her. Her face was glowing with satisfaction, and her eyes were almost black from the intense orgasm she had just experienced.

"How are you feeling?" I chuckled.

"Disoriented, satisfied and blissfully happy" she grinned lazily.

"Good" I chuckled.

"Get rid of your damn pants, Emmett, and stop stalling" she eagerly pulled on my pants.

I chuckled. I was happy to oblige in her request – my dick was throbbing in anticipation for what he knew was coming. I quickly rid myself from my pants, my dick sprung free – hard as a rock. She bit her lip as she looked at my manhood. Her eyes darkened again before she reached out and grabbed my cock. My eyes rolled into the back of my head when her hand slowly moved up and down my shaft. My balls tightened, and I pulled out of her hand. I wanted to be inside her when I came.

"Should I get a condom?" I asked unsteadily.

She shook her head, "No, I'm on the pill."

I held my bodyweight up with one hand while the other hand grabbed my dick and placed it in front of her hot, wet as fuck opening. She wrapped her legs around my waist before I slowly, oh so fucking slowly, slipped into her. Fuck, she was tight and so fucking hot…her slick heat was enough to drive me mad.

"Fuck, babe, you feel so good" I hissed as I completely pushed into her. I reached down and intertwined our fingers when I was completely buried inside her. I pulled her hands up over her head, "I love you, Rose, so much" I confessed, my voice was barely a whisper above her pants for breath.

"Say it again" she demanded.

I started moving slowly in and out of her, trying to compose myself before I spoke again. "I love you, Rosalie Hale, so fucking much" I said with a thrust. Her hands tightened around mine when she started moving in perfect rhythm with me.

With each thrust, push and pull, our eyes remained locked on each other's. We were lost in one another and the world - and all its fucking problems – disappeared. It was just Rosalie and me in our perfect little bubble of bliss.

I leaned forward and captured her lips in a kiss as my hips began to circle, increasing the torturously slow pace I set.

The kiss was slow and languid and it seemed to last forever until I felt the familiar coiling in my stomach and the tightening in my balls. I knew I was close, but I wanted Rose to cum with me. I wanted the both of us to fall over the edge together. I rested my head over her shoulder, thrusting and circling into her over and over again. I planted a kiss under her ear before I breathlessly whispered that I loved her.

I felt her tightening around me, her body writhing and shaking as her orgasm erupted, and I followed right behind her. Watching her face as she came was a dream come true. Her cheeks glowed, her eyes were almost purple with lust and her lips were swollen from our kisses.

I collapsed against her chest and moved my hips to the side, keeping my weight off of her. Both our chests were heaving and we were breathing hard and unsteadily. We lay in silence while we both caught our breath. I turned my head to look at my fucking queen, and a frown formed on my forehead. I saw trails of tears down the side of her head. I slowly rose to my elbow and gently took her chin between my fingers, beckoning her to look at me.

"What's wrong?" I whispered. I was worried and a little hurt; this was the most amazing time of my life, the best feeling I've ever had, and it killed me to see her cry over it. It would destroy me if she had not shared the same emotions that I had.

"I've never been made love to, Em, that was…amazing" she said with more tears leaking down her cheeks.

"Wow, I was worried for a moment" I chuckled.

"Worried? Why?"

"I thought that I was the only one experiencing the love between us when we became one" I said.

"I felt it, too. I never dreamed that those feelings were real during sex" she smiled. I leaned down and kissed her slowly. "I love you, Emmett" she finally uttered those three words I've longed to hear. It sounded perfect and I would never get tired of hearing them coming from her mouth.

"You just made me the happiest man alive" I grinned like a fucking fool.

I crawled under the sheets and pulled her along with me.

"How is Bella holding up?" I asked, running my fingers up and down her ribcage where she laid in my arms. "I mean, with the whole Izzy-thing?"

She sighed. "She's just worried about Tristan and Abbey…and Jake was pissed, obviously" she snorted.

"She still marrying him?" I asked. I have spoken to Edward last night after I saw him on the news, and he told me all about this Jake-character. He also told me that he and Bella kissed…my lips curled into a smile, that fucker never fooled me for one second. I've always known that he still loved Bella, though he tried to deny it, I knew the fucking truth.

"Bella's different, Em. She made a promise to marry Jake, and she won't break that promise. Bella won't do that to Jake, no matter how much she still loves Ed-" I waited for her to finish that sentence, but her lips were sealed.

"Wait? Are you telling me that Bella still loves Edward, but won't break the engagement because she gave the fucker her word?" I asked astounded.

"I shouldn't have said anything. Bella will kill me-"

"I won't say anything, babe, I promise" I chuckled. "But, seriously, that ain't right. You can't marry someone you don't love. That's why I'm so thrilled that Edward broke it off with Tanya" I sighed. I never liked her, not only because she was the sister of the woman who cheated on me, but because she was a bitch. Edward and Tanya were completely opposites and it never would have worked out.

"I tried to tell her that, but she's determined to go through with the wedding. The only way that she'll walk away from Jake is if Jake let's her go" she sighed. "I'm honest, I don't think Edward deserves Bella's love, but I've seen Bella at her worst and since your brother appeared again, well, she's different. There's a little flame burning in her eyes that weren't there before" she said.

"You don't know what Edward's been through, Rose. Bella wasn't the only one hurting…my brother was this close" I held my thumb and forefinger an inch away from each other, "from becoming a drug addict and alcoholic, nearly killing himself" I defended my brother.

"I'm sorry, it's just…if you truly know what Bella's been through…" she shook her head, "it's going to kill your brother to know the truth" she whispered as tears started building in her eyes again.

"I don't understand" I frowned, "what are you talking about?" I asked in confusion.

She just shook her head, "it's not my story to tell, it's Bella's. Look, they both made stupid mistakes, but I really hope they can work things out. I'm not a big fan of Edward's, but I love you, and I guess I'll learn to accept him. I won't jeopardize what we have over some stupid grudge I have"

"I'm pleased with that answer" I smiled against her ear. "We have to figure out a way to break up Jake and Bella. It will destroy Edward if she marries Jake" I said.

"Can we figure it out in the morning" she yawned. "I'm really tired"

"I have to be at the hospital tomorrow morning at five, but please stay here and make yourself comfortable. I'd really like to come home, knowing that you are still here" I asked.

"I wish I could, but I have a shift at _Twilight_ tomorrow night" she said and sounded sad.

"So when will I see you again?" I asked. My chest already constricted with the thought of spending another night without her.

"Tomorrow's Friday…I have double-shifts the entire weekend, so I don't know"

"I'll make a plan to see you, Rose, I'm not spending the entire weekend without you" I said in definite.

She yawned again. I laughed softly. "Goodnight, babe" I whispered with a chuckle before I planted a soft kiss on her plump lips. She mumbled something incoherent and I assumed that it was 'goodnight'.

I spooned her naked body and kissed her shoulder blade before I joined her in dreamland; blissfully happy and completely saturated with love.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

_What did you think? Was Emmett's POV too much, or did you like it? Do you think Emmett and Rose will figure out a way to break Jake and Bella up? Review and tell me._

_I know you are eager for Bella to reconcile with Edward, but I have my own plans about that. I hope that you'll be patient and stay aboard. I do think that things will speed up from here on out. There might be a little time-jump in the next chapter, but not with weeks or months, maybe a couple of days. Will that bother you? _

_I'm sorry about the short Bella's POV, but I couldn't seem to find words for her POV, and before I fucked it up again, I decided to give you an update on Emmett and Rosalie. Hope I didn't disappoint you? If I have, I know you'll be honest._


	15. Chapter Fourteen - Leaving LA

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics in this chapter belongs to:**

**Hard to say – The Used**

**Pen and Paper – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

_A/N: I'm wondering where all of my regular reviewers are? Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter and I'm relieved that most of you liked the Emmett's POV. Please don't stop reviewing…heaven knows that it's the only thing that keeps this story going, honestly!_

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

_**It's hard to say that I was wrong**_

_**It's hard to say I miss you**_

_**Since you've been gone, it's not the same**_

_**It's hard to say I held my tongue**_

_**It's hard to say if only**_

_**Since you've been gone, it's not the same**_

**(**_**Hard to say – The Used)**_

Chapter Fourteen – Leaving LA

**EPOV**

"I'm going to fucking kill her" I lashed out as I threw the magazine against the wall. My father's head shot up from the kitchen table where he was eating his breakfast.

"What's wrong?" he asked while chewing on a piece of bacon.

"Tanya Denali" I answered in a hiss.

"What did she do?" he asked.

"She gave a statement about our break-up. She blamed everything on Bella, and to make everything worse, she gave a full statement about Tristan" I growled. "I don't understand how she could do this"

"She's trying to hurt you" Carlisle stated.

I huffed. "I know, but to use my son…I'll fucking destroy her" I raked my fingers through my hair.

"Edward, I know you are pissed, but you should calm down" my father said in his soothing voice.

"No, dad, I've had enough of Tanya's games" I said as I grabbed my car keys.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"To take care of this shit once and for all" I answered. "Will you be okay?" I asked.

He nodded. "I'll be fine, but I think you should calm down before you go"

"No" I shook my head. "I want to take my wrath out on her"

I didn't wait for a response as I rushed out of my house and straight to my _Vanquish. _

As I drove through the streets of Hollywood my mind kept reeling on the shit Tanya had pulled. I found it hard that she would stoop this fucking low. Sure, I knew I hurt her, but to use my son to get back at me…unacceptable. Maybe my father was right, I should have calmed down before I left because the way I was feeling now, I would wring her fucking neck and squeeze the life out of her.

My heart was boiling with anger as I stopped in front of her penthouse. And as I rode in the elevator, all I could think about was what that statement must have done to Bella. As if she hadn't had enough on her plate already.

My breathing was hard and labored, my nostrils flared and my heartbeat were frantic as I rang her doorbell. My fists clenched on their own accord as soon as the door swung open, revealing a shocked Tanya. Her eyes were puffy with black circles around them as if she wasn't sleeping. I had to use all of my willpower to keep myself from attacking her right then.

_**You set yourself up to the sold  
and that's ok cause that's your role  
Manipulation takes its toll  
What will you do when nobody wants you  
Though it seems that you believe  
You can do whatever it is you please  
Know before, know before you wind up on your knees  
Don't cry to me no more**_

_**(Pen and Paper – The red jumpsuit apparatus)**_

"You are not welcome here" she spat and moved to shut the door, but I kicked my foot forward and stopped the door from closing. I pushed into her apartment. "Do you want me to call security?"

"Go ahead, but I'm going to say what the fuck I came here to say, Tanya" I hissed in anger.

"So I take it that you've read my statement?" she asked smugly. I growled. I wanted to wipe that smug right off of her face.

"What the hell is wrong with you? My son had nothing to do with our break-up and neither had Bella-"

"Please spare me that same old soppy story. She had everything to do with it" she waved her hands in the air like a crazy person. "But it doesn't matter anymore…I'm going to ruin you, Edward, I'm going to destroy everything you've worked so damn hard for-"

"If you say one fucking word about my son ever again" I clenched my jaw, "I will hunt you down and kill you" I swore. "If you want to take me down, fine, but my son is nine years old and innocent"

She laughed hard and ugly. How had I never seen the ugliness inside of Tanya? How could I have stayed with her for seven years and not see how black and rotten her heart was? Was I seriously that blind and fucking delusional? Would I seriously have married her if it wasn't for Bella and my son?

"Don't threaten me, Edward, you should know that I don't scare that easily" she laughed.

I narrowed my eyes.

"You leave me no choice, Tanya" I sighed. "You have no idea who you are dealing with" I grinned.

"W-w-what do you mean?" she stuttered.

"I'm sure you wouldn't want the DEA crawling around your boutiques" I laughed softly, yet venomously.

"I don't know what you're talking about" she said. Her face gave her away, though; she turned pale and fear was swimming in her eyes.

"Oh, come on, I've known for a while about the illegal activities that's going on in your business. You had me fooled for a while, but I knew something was up with the overnight-millions you've made"

"Edward-"

I held my hands up. "I don't give a shit about your excuses and why you stooped so low to get involved in drug-smuggling" I spat the words out. "But, I will hand you over to the DEA if you give more statements about Bella and my son. Do I make myself clear?"

"Edward, I'm sorry-"

"Oh, fuck, please, you're not sorry. You're sorry you got caught" I bellowed. "One more word, Tanya, just one, and I'll hand you over with the evidence I have" I threatened.

"I loved you, Edward, and you screwed me over for someone who doesn't want you" she yelled. She was close to losing it.

"Leave my family alone, Tanya, that's all I wanted to say" I ignored her ranting as I walked out of the door. I literally sighed when I closed the door behind me. I had no evidence of her illegal activities, but I had my suspicions and the expressions on her face when I mentioned it, proved to me that I was right.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I shook my head. I truly was blind while dating Tanya…I guess running into Bella opened my eyes. Thank goodness!

One thing I knew for certain, Tanya Denali wouldn't bother my family anymore. She was scared out of her mind after I threatened her. Even if I had no idea about her illegal shit, I would have found a way for her to back the fuck off of my family. Bella hadn't deserved what Tanya did and neither had my son. I fucked her over and she should have taken her anger out on me.

On my way back to my house, all I could think off was leaving LA – and everything bad that happened here. This place actually ruined my life – even though it made **almost** all my dreams come true - almost. I lost Bella here, I threw myself into the bad habits of drugs and alcohol and I actually stopped living ten years ago. I died. Literally died; inside my head and heart.

I actually lost so much more than I gained. The saddest was that I would never get anything I've lost back; I've lost nine years of my son's life, which was impossible to ever get back. The only thing I could do now was to spend the rest of my life making him happy and to show him how much I fucking loved him.

I sighed when I drove up my driveway when I saw Jasper's Mercedes. It was going to be another long and painful day. Last night was pure torment when my father told me he was dying. Today was Alice's turn…I was worried, especially with her pregnancy and all.

I wondered how long they've been here as I approached my front door. Maybe dad would have told her already, or maybe he was waiting for me.

I entered my house silently and gently placed my car keys on the table in the entrance hall. I heard sniffling sounds and little sobs. Guess he already told her about his illness. Thank goodness, I sighed. It would kill me to hear all of that again. It was a brutal reality that we had to face, but I had no idea how. Dad was the head of our family. The glue that kept us together. My mother had changed so much since she and dad divorced. I always remembered how she bad-mouthed my father and how she caused doubts in our hearts about our father's love for us. She was the fucking reason that I feared marriage. I would never forgive her for hurting my father…still hurts him after all these years.

I saw them in my living room; Jasper on a stool and Alice was sitting on top of my father with her head on his chest, crying uncontrollably. Jasper saw me first, tears evident on his face. Carlisle was a father to him as well. I pointed towards the bar with my head and he nodded. I walked out of the living room as quick as my feet could carry me because I was already crying. I also wanted to give my father and sister some privacy.

"How you holding up, bro?" Jasper asked behind me. I slowly turned around and shook my head before I wiped the tears from my face.

"Barely" I sniffled a little. "It's just so hard to believe, you know?"

He nodded slowly while blowing out a long and unsteady breath. "This is so hard to take in…and, don't get me wrong I'm worried about your dad, but this is going to kill Alice" he gripped his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger.

"I know, and I'm especially worried about the pregnancy" I sighed, "you guys have been trying for a while"

"Emmett and Esme?" he asked.

I shook my head, "they don't know, yet. I only found out last night" I explained. "Dad is moving to Seattle with me…"

"Alice and I will follow you guys. There's no way that Alice will stay here with everything that's happening with you and Carlisle"

"Fuck" I raked my fingers through my hair. "How did everything get so fucked-up?"

Jasper grabbed two beers from my fridge and handed me one. I thanked him and took a seat on one of the barstools.

"When are you leaving?" Jasper asked me.

"Tonight" I said after I swallowed the beer. "We're staying with Emmett for a while until I can find a house" I chuckled. "I haven't told Tristan or Bella that I've quit the band and that I'm moving to Seattle"

Jasper asked how everything was going with Bella and I told him everything. He wished me luck on winning Bella's heart back, which I sure as hell needed. I had no clue where to even begin because it was clear that Bella still hated me for choosing the band. The anguish was constantly visible in her beautiful brown eyes, lingering there as a reminder of how much I've broken her.

After we finished our beer, I suggested that we should see how Alice and Carlisle was holding up.

She wasn't on my dad's lap anymore, but sat next to him on the couch, hands intertwined. She looked up when we entered the living room and my heart broke all over again. Her eyes pooled with thick tears and her lips quivered. My eyes shot full of tears when I saw her pain. She slowly stood up and walked towards me.

"Ali, sweetie, come here" my voice broke at the end and I had to clear my throat. She jumped into arms and I securely wrapped them around her small figure, hugging her fiercely to my body. I hid my face in the crook of her neck and let go of my own pain, my own heartache over my father's illness.

"Are you okay?" she whispered sobbingly into my chest.

"We have to be" I whispered back. "For dad, for ourselves" I let go of her and placed my hand on her belly. "Especially for this little baby" I smiled sadly because we had no idea if my father was going to meet this grandchild or not.

"You're right, it's just so…hard" she stuttered.

I cupped her soaked cheeks and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I know, but we'll get through it, Ali. You, me, Jasper and Emmett; we'll pull through" I said.

"So, you're leaving in a few hours?" she asked, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.

"Yup" I smiled.

"We'll follow you" she smiled back. "Emmett's house will be full for a while" she chuckled.

"I'll have all of my children under one roof again" Carlisle chuckled behind us before he wrapped his arms around mine and Alice's shoulders.

"Yeah, yeah, what a dream come true; a bunch of thirty year old kids under the same roof as their father" I huffed with a smile.

"I love you guys" Carlisle said with a sad smile.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

When we arrived at Emmett's house, I immediately excused myself. It was so unfair that I was the first sibling to have found out about my father's illness because I had to sit through everything all over again. This afternoon with Alice was brutal enough and I had no intention on sitting through another one. I knew I was probably being selfish, but my heart could only take so much. It was like receiving the news all over again and the excruciating pain doubled.

I was thinking about giving them an hour before I would offer my support to Emmett as well. I had no idea how he would take the news, but knowing Emmett, it was going to be hard. He had a really close relationship with our father – all of us had a close bond with Carlisle, but Em, fuck, Emmett worshipped the ground my father walked on.

It was past eleven and I really wanted to see my son, but I'll have to wait until tomorrow morning. Luckily, it was Sunday tomorrow and he had no school. I was hoping to bring them here and introduce them to Carlisle, and spend some time with _all _of them. I had about three weeks to win Bella's heart back before she married that douchebag. Fucking prick!

I grabbed my Blackberry and decided to text Bella. I had told her that I would call her the last time we spoke and she hadn't refused or anything, so I took my chances.

_I'm sorry about Tanya's statement. I just wanted to let you know that she won't make any more statements._

I hit the send button and threw the phone on the bed I was sleeping on. I would have liked to call it my own bed, but beggars can't be choosers, right?

I decided to take a shower and then I would go back down and see how Emmett was doing.

I took a quick shower before I got out and dried myself. When I got back into the room with only a towel wrapped around my hips, I saw my LED light flashing. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that it could be from Bella. I almost choked when I saw that I had two missed calls from her and **not **messages. My fingers trembled as I dialed her number and my heart was literally beating in my throat when she answered the phone softly.

"I'm sorry, I was in the shower. Are you sleeping?" I asked.

"Ur…no. Hang on a sec" she whispered, and I heard her moving around and then closing a door. "I'm here" she said in her normal melodic voice, sending my heart flattering.

"Are you okay?" I asked. "I mean, ur, after Tanya's statement"

She sighed. "I was pissed. I don't give a shit about myself, but to drag Tristan into her schemes just pissed me the hell off"

"I'm sorry, Bella, it's my fault. She's trying to get back at me for leaving her, but, I took care of Tanya. She won't bother you or Tristan again" I explained.

"Thanks, but the damage is already done. I'm worried about Tristan, Edward, he's going to school on Monday and I have no idea what to expect from the media…or the other kids" her voice trembled.

"Bella, I-"

"And he misses you so much" she interrupted me. This surprised me because Bella never opened up about Tristan out of her own; usually I had to drag every fucking detail out of her. My heart thumped loudly at the thought of my son…I knew he missed me, but to hear the actual words from Bella's mouth made my son's pain so real and so fucking hard. My heart ripped open whenever I called him and had to say goodbye; his small voice would tremble and I could hear actual tears in his velvet voice…fucking broke my heart every time.

"I miss him so much that it hurts to fucking breathe" I whispered softly.

"And it doesn't help with you on the other side of the fucking country" she jabbed those accusing and painful words into my ear.

"I need to tell you something, Bella" I sighed, deciding then and there that I wanted to tell Bella about my band.

"What?" she asked carefully.

"I've quit my band" I said slowly.

I heard her gasp, but she was completely silent.

"Bella? Did you hear what I just said?" I asked after a few minutes of silence with her breathing as the only sound.

"Yeah, I…When did you do this?" she stuttered.

"The same day I broke things of with Tanya" I said.

"Why?"

"Why? Are you serious? I told you that I wanted to be with my son, Bella, and…well, you"

"Edward, don't. It's too late for us" she whispered.

"Bella, don't say that. I know that you still love me…I felt it when we kissed"

"That wasn't love, Edward, _that _was anger fueled with lust"

"You're delusional, Bella, that was far from lust. If that was fucking lust I would have fucked you against that wall-"

"Don't say that" she spat.

"Why not? It's the fucking truth…"

"Goodbye, Edward" she sighed.

"Bella, wait, I'm sorry"

"It's fine. Goodbye" she said and ended the call.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed and threw my phone against the wall. It splattered into tiny pieces. "Fuck" I grabbed my hair in complete frustration.

"Whoa" I heard Emmett's voice behind me, "is this a bad time?" he asked. I slowly turned around to look at him. His eyes were red and puffy. I sighed. I completely forgot about Emmett and my father.

"No…fuck, Em, I'm sorry. I wanted to come down and then…" I wanted to explain to him about Bella, but I stopped mid-sentence. I rubbed my neck viciously before I rummaged through my suitcase and fished out a pair of black flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt. "Never mind. Dad gave you the news?" I asked.

He nodded slowly. I disappeared into the bathroom and dressed quickly before I joined him in the room again.

"Why am I the last to know?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Fuck knows, but I couldn't sit through another explanation. I'm sorry…it's just hard to hear all over again" I explained feeling like a complete fucking dick.

"Hey, I understand. I would have done the same" he sighed again.

"Where's dad?" I asked.

"Sleeping" he smiled sadly. "Wanna grab a drink?" he asked and I nodded.

I gave my broken phone one last glare before I followed Emmett out of the room and down to the bar.

"Was that Bella on the phone?" he asked as soon as he handed me a beer.

"Yeah" I nodded. "And I completely fucked that up again" I laughed humorlessly.

"Why?" he asked with the rim of the beer bottle against his lips.

I explained to him what had happened and how I got pissed at Bella for saying that our kiss was just lust. How could she not have felt what I had felt?

"Seems to me that Bella's in denial" he chuckled.

"Ya think?" I smiled. "So, what's happening with you? Made up with Rosalie?" I asked. The fact that we completely ignored my father's illness dawned on me, but I felt that Emmett would talk when he was ready. And if he wanted to ignore that conversation completely, fine by me. Dwelling on the subject wouldn't take dad's illness away nor would it make things better.

His lips curled into a huge smile and his eyes lit up immediately.

"You fucker" I bumped his shoulder, "I knew you would make up with her"

"Actually, I didn't do anything. She came to me" he chuckled.

"What? Seriously?" I asked in shock. "Wow, I definitely had the wrong impression about her. And knowing you…well, I thought for sure that that relationship was doomed because you both seemed thickheaded" I brought the bottle to my lips and dipped the fluid into my mouth. It was cold and refreshing and definitely fucking welcome.

"It was amazing, Ed. She's just so fucking hot and sexy…" he shook his head before he tipped the bottle to his lips. He swallowed hard. "I've never felt like this before"

"Not even about Irina?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Not even close. Marrying Irina would have been one hell of a mistake. Rose is my one" he smiled his familiar dimpled-smile. His eyes lit up with love and awe as he spoke about the woman who claimed his heart. I was extremely happy for my brother, but I was worried because Rosalie made no secret of her hatred towards me. I was going to lose my brother.

"I am so happy for you, Em. Heaven knows you deserve to be happy" I said.

"But?" he prompted.

I frowned.

"But nothing" I smiled.

"Rosalie promised me that she will try to get along with you, Ed. She promised that she'll find a way to forgive you and love you like a brother" he bumped my shoulder, "that's how much she fucking loves me" he added with a wink.

"That's a relief" I sighed. "Hey, how'd you know that I was thinking about that?"

He laughed.

"I know you better than you know yourself" he said casually.

"So you guys already said the 'I love you's'?" I chuckled.

"I'm thinking about asking her to move in? After we made love-"

I covered my ears with a groan. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Fuck, Em, I don't need every gory detail" I pulled my face in disgust.

His bellowing laughter echoed through the bar.

"Anyways, after that, I don't want to spend one more night without her. Besides, we're not kids anymore and I know what I want. I don't want to date for years before I ask her to marry me, wasting another couple of years before we get married and move in together. I know what I want…my heart knows what it wants…my body-"

"Okay, okay, I get it" I chuckled.

"I believe that you and Bella will be together…I remember how much you two loved one another. A love like that just don't die" he said.

"Thanks, Em, I pray that you are right. I can't imagine going through life without Bella…heaven knows it's been hell the last couple of years" I sighed.

"So when do I get to meet my nephew?" he asked.

"Haven't you met him already?" I asked astounded.

He shook his head. "Not officially, no. I saw him that one night, but no introductions was made"

"I was planning on bringing them tomorrow"

"Finally. I'll get to meet Tristan and I'll get to see Bella again" he smiled, taking the last sip of his beer.

"I want them to meet dad" I smiled sadly, "it's one of dad's wishes…to meet Tristan before-" my voice died. I just couldn't say that word.

"He also wants to get back together with mom" Emmett declared.

"Wait, what?" I asked astounded.

"Yup…he told me after he explained his illness. One of his dying wishes is to get back with mom"

"She'll never go for it" I shook my head.

"I know, but we'll have to try. She can fucking pretend for a couple of weeks…I'll make damn sure of that" he said fiercely.

We were silent for a couple of minutes before Emmett blew out a long and unsteady breath.

"I'm bushed, bro, so I'll see you in the morning" he punched my shoulder playfully.

"Goodnight, Em" I punched him back. I couldn't wait for tomorrow to see my son again, and Abbey…and Bella. I rubbed my chest as the all-consuming pain racked through my heart.

I made my way to my room and literally fell onto the bed. I was bushed, but sleep was not even on my mind's agenda. My mind had decided to linger on Bella and how she felt in my arms the other night when we kissed. My mind replayed our kiss over and over and fucking over again. As soon as I closed my eyes her deep chocolate brown eyes would appear in front of me, which would have been so fucking awesome was it not for the fact that those eyes were full of anguish and excruciating pain…

After tormenting myself for about an hour, I drifted to sleep, dreaming of Bella and my children. Yes, Abbey is mine.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

My heart hammered in my chest as I raised my hand to knock on Bella's door. It felt like I've been away for years and not a couple of weeks. The band-shit took longer than I expected and I still wasn't done. We still had to make the fucking announcement that _Eclipse_ was breaking up, plus, we still had to do a farewell concert. I had refused to do that shit in LA and all of us decided to do it here – in Seattle.

The door flew open to reveal a much disoriented Tristan. As soon as he saw me, he rubbed his eyes with his tiny fists as if he was dreaming, taking them away and looked back at me with widened eyes.

"Dad!" he screeched before he jumped into my awaiting arms. I held him close, inhaling deeply, reveling in his scent. Fuck, I've missed him so much. I felt him breathing in my neck and I sighed. My heart almost jumped out of my chest from the happiness I felt bubbling inside.

"I've missed you so much" I exhaled against his cheek. He pulled away from me and looked into my eyes, cupping my cheeks with his tiny hands. For a minute, he had no care in the world that he was nine years old, and had completely forgotten how he constantly told me that he was a big boy. For a minute, he was a nine year old boy who missed his dad and had no trouble expressing how fucking much.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you, dad. I didn't expect to see you so soon" he smiled crookedly before he wiggled out of my arms. My heart ached at the empty space between my arms where he had been a few seconds ago. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the apartment. I took a deep whiff of the mixed scents in the room; Bella, Tristan and Abbey's distinctive scents swirled around and created the scent of a home…a warm and loving home. I wanted this…I **needed** this in my life.

Tristan pulled me into the tiny kitchen where Bella was working behind the percolator. The scent of freshly brewed coffee filled my nostrils and made my mouth water. My eyes scanned her body; she was wearing black boxer pants which hugged her fuck-awesome ass.

"Mom, look who came" Tristan jumped in excitement.

She turned around and my eyes – on their own accord – froze on her breasts. She wasn't wearing a bra…oh my fucking word, it had made my mouth water even more than the coffee had. She cleared her throat, telling me that she knew where my eyes were staring, but for the hell of me, I couldn't look away. She crossed her arms over her chest and brought me out of the eye-fucking I was assaulting her with.

"I told you he would come back" Tristan chuckled. My eyebrows puckered at Tristan's words. I remembered how Tristan told me of his fears about me not coming back after he spoke with Bella. She made him doubt me even more. I clenched my jaw and pressed my lips together.

I met her eyes and she looked guilty. She fucking knew what she was causing in Tristan's heart, and she knew – by the shame in her eyes – that I was fucking pissed and hurt at her for causing even more doubt in Tristan's heart.

"M-morning" she stuttered. "Coffee?" she asked while looking everywhere except at me.

"Morning. That'll be great, thanks" I said coldly.

"Are you here for good?" Tristan asked me, bringing my attention back to him.

I crouched in front of him. My heart swelled with love for my son. I slowly raked my fingers through his bed-hair and smiled.

"I sure am"

He widened his eyes before he jumped into the air and made a fist pump.

"I knew you wouldn't break your promise, I just knew it" he said over and over as if he wanted to convince himself that he had never doubted me.

"I quit the band, but I still have a few things to sort out" I explained and saw the dark cloud of fear shadowing his eyes. "I'm doing it from Seattle, Tristan. I'm not going anywhere" I added quickly.

"Good" he sighed. It broke my heart to have still seen doubt in his eyes, and it pissed me the fuck off that Bella was adding to that doubt. Was she trying to destroy my relationship with Tristan?

"Mom, can we do something with dad today, please" he suddenly asked Bella. She coughed around the rim of the mug she had against her lips, spewing black coffee all over the kitchen.

"Bella, are you alright?" I asked in concern when I took her red, choking face in.

She held her hand out as I was about to help her, "I'm fine" she croaked out, her voice sounded gruff from all the coughing.

"What did you have in mind, Tristan?" she asked.

Tristan looked to me for help and I chuckled.

"If it's okay with your mom" I turned to Bella, "I wanted to take you to Emmett's house and introduce you to your other grandfather" I said hopefully. Bella's eyes widened and suddenly filled with tears.

"Carlisle's here?" she asked with a quivering chin. I remembered how much she loved my parents, especially my father.

I nodded; sadness suddenly overwhelmed me when I remembered the burden of his illness hanging like a dark cloud over my head.

"He'll be staying with me for a while, well, we're staying at Emmett's house until I buy a house" I explained.

"That would be so cool. Can we please go, mom, please" he asked her while jumping up and down.

She raked her fingers through his hair; "I'm sure we can make a plan" she smiled.

"I want you and Abbey to join us, Bella" I said before she could say anything. I knew she had a hard time trusting me with Tristan. It was going to take time for her to see that I was here to stay and had no fucking intention of hurting my son.

Her eyes displayed relief. I still knew her better than anyone else.

"That's very thoughtful, thank you, Edward" she smiled sadly. "Tristan, you should get ready" she said to Tristan.

"I'll be right back, dad" he smiled before he ran out of the kitchen.

"Where's Abbey?" I asked. The atmosphere in the kitchen was thick with awkwardness as Tristan took the cheery atmosphere – from a minute ago – with him.

"Rose takes Abbey to buy pastries every Sunday morning" she explained. "It's kind of a ritual in this house" she giggled.

"That's cute" I smiled.

"Soooo" she stretched the word out, "You're moving back to Seattle?" she asked.

"Yes, I can't live without my son" I said.

"Tristan never said anything about you quitting the band" she sounded shocked – terrified was more fitting. My eyebrows puckered at her shocked expression.

"I wanted to surprise Tristan…I still have shit to sort out with the band, but I'm done"

A humorless chuckle escaped her narrowed lips.

"What?" I asked.

"I guess I should be happy that you didn't put your band before your son" she said.

I groaned.

I should have known that her assaults wouldn't end. She would never forgive me for that, but I couldn't blame her because I couldn't even found it my heart to forgive myself. I had this enormous amount of fear building inside of me that Tristan would hate me once he learned the truth about mine and Bella's break-up. I wouldn't blame him either, but I would fucking beg for his forgiveness because he was everything to me.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I would've quit the band had you only waited for me to return from the soundcheck-"

She scoffed and looked away from my piercing eyes, which was silently pleading with her for some sort of understanding, some sort of sign that she still loved me as much as I loved her. I just needed a little sign to help me believe that there was a chance for us…a chance to be a family.

"It's so convenient to say that after all these years. Do you honestly think I'll believe you now?" she sighed bitterly. I had to bite a snide comment back. Heaven knows I've fucked up enough already.

"You don't have to believe me, but it's the truth. I begged you to wait for me, Bella, I fucking begged you" I jabbed my fingers into my unruly hair and pulled hard.

"And I begged you to choose me" she threw back.

"Can we please not do this again? I've explained myself numerous times and it's pretty clear that you don't believe a word I say" I rubbed the back of my neck viciously. "I have so much shit to deal with right now, and I don't want to relive the past each time I see you…I've forgiven you, Bella, why can't you do the same?" I sighed.

"Honestly? I have no fucking idea" she said.

"Bella, please try. Please try and see that I love you and won't hurt you ever again" I said, rubbing my chest where the burning pain consumed me. Fuck, I've tried to rub that fucking pain away for ten years now, but to no prevail. Why couldn't she just give me another chance? Have I completely fucked her up? _Pfft, what a dumb fucking question Cullen_, I chastised myself.

"Please don't start with _**that**_ again?" she asked through clenched teeth. "I'm marrying Jacob, Edward, and that's final" she hissed.

I rubbed my chest again where the pain started burning furiously. The pain was indescribable and the anguish was enough to fucking kill me. I seriously had no idea how to live without Bella. Sure, I had my son and he was everything to me, but I also needed Bella. My heart wasn't complete without her.

"Bella" I sighed, "I'm sorry about last night and what I've said…I was pissed-"

She held her free hand up, "It's fine. Forget about it" she smiled.

"Mommy" I heard Abbey's bell-like voice chiming through the apartment. "We're back" she sang in a sing-song voice.

I couldn't help but chuckle. Bella laughed softly while shaking her head.

Abbey halted in the kitchen with eyes as wide as saucers when she saw me. Rose almost walked her over when Abbey just froze in the doorway. Rose looked up the second she almost fell over Abbey, and looked straight into my eyes.

"There's my princess" I ignored Rosalie's cold eyes and crouched down when Abbey ran towards me. I picked her up when she flew into my arms and I planted kisses all over her beautiful face.

"Will you be my prince charming?" she asked through a fit of giggles.

"Prince Charming, hey?" I asked flattered. My heart swelled with love with this little girl in my arms. I knew she wasn't mine, but I couldn't give a fuck. In my heart she was mine…I wanted to make that a reality, legally. I wanted her to be a Cullen. I frowned. I was reminded that I've never asked Bella about Tristan's surname.

She nodded her little head ferociously. "Yes, you are pretty just like the prince charming in Shrek" she giggled.

"Pretty you tell me" I chuckled and heard Bella and Rosalie giggle. I eyed them warily before I returned my gaze to Abbey. She was so beautiful and cute; she already held my heart in the palms of her tiny little hands.

"So, will you be prince charming?" she asked in a huff.

I chuckled. "Sure, princess, I'll be your prince charming. But this prince charming in Shrek better be as pretty as you make him out to be" I mocked seriousness.

"Oh, believe me, Edward, he is" she pouted, her eyes displaying bright stars.

"You'll have to show me sometime" I suggested. I've never seen the movie. I've never seen any animation movie, but I knew that I had to change that. I had children to think about and I had to have something to share with them. Share their likes and dislikes…I needed to have something that I could do with the both of them. I suddenly wondered if Jacob was a father to Abbey. Jealousy filled my heart which made me green with envy. I wanted to fill those shoes. I wanted to be her father…the father she so desperately wanted and craved.

Bella asked Abbey to go get ready, but Abbey pouted and stomped her tiny foot. She complained with sad eyes until she heard that they were spending the day with me. She screeched and cupped my cheeks – a little too hard – before she planted soppy kisses all over my face. She wiggled out of my arms and ran out of the kitchen, again taking the happy atmosphere with her.

I cleared my throat when I felt eyes on me. When I looked up, both Bella and Rosalie were staring at me. I've never felt so awkward in my entire life.

"Bella, I'm going to Emmett's for the day" Rosalie finally said.

"Well, we'll see you there" Bella sighed.

Rosalie's eyes widened, "Really?" she asked.

"Edward wants to introduce Tristan to Carlisle and Emmett" she explained nonchalantly.

Rosalie's eyes pierced mine, trying to decipher what my motives were. I sighed. She promised Emmett that she would try to forgive me, but she's not really trying hard. I had no motives when it came to my son; I loved him and wanted him in my life forever. The only motives I had, was to make Bella a part of that life.

"Carlisle came with?" she asked me directly.

"Yes, he will be staying with me for a while" I answered friendly. I would show Rosalie that I wasn't the bad guy that she had cut me out to be. I was a fucking human being with real emotional shit going on in my life…I wasn't the hard bastard that she summed me up to be. I would show her that I fucking love Bella and that Bella wasn't the only one affected over our break-up. My life was a living hell – even if it was self-inflicted – and I would pay the price of that hell for the rest of my life.

"How long will you be staying with Emmett?" she asked.

"Until I can find a house" I answered.

Bella eyed Rosalie and me carefully before she placed the box of pastries in the middle of the small kitchen table along with plates. She started the coffee machine again and then excused herself to go and get ready. Rosalie and I were left in the kitchen, alone.

"Look-"

"I know-"

We said at exactly the same time. She took a seat at the table and I copied her.

"You go first" she said.

"I know you hate me. I know you hate what I've done to Bella. And, I know that you think I have some dark motive with my family" I sighed, pulling at my hair before I looked directly into her icy blue eyes. "I can't change your mind and I'm sure as hell not going to try, Rosalie. I can, however, assure you that I fucking love that woman and I'm going to do everything in my power to make her fall in love with me again" I said while rubbing my chest again. She looked at my hand and then at my eyes.

"I don't hate you, Edward. I did hate you, but not anymore" she stated flatly.

"Why?" I asked. "What changed your mind about me?" I asked. Have I won the battle with Rosalie without actually fighting one?

"I could never hate anyone who Emmett loves. I have to love you because he does" she shrugged simply. It was that simple with her.

"That simple hey?" I chuckled.

"Yes, it's that simple" she smiled.

"I wish everything in life could be that simple" I sighed, still rubbing my chest.

"Bella made a promise to Jake, Edward, and she won't break that promise. She won't leave him…not even for you" she explained. With that one sentence she gave me hope and shattered my dreams at the same time. Rosalie knew Bella and she knew Bella's heart as well as I had – not anymore though.

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"There's nothing hidden behind my words, Edward. She won't leave him…it's that simple" she scoffed in annoyance.

"I have to try" I whispered.

"Why do you keep doing that?" she asked, pointing to my chest.

I looked down and saw how my fingers rubbed my chest in a soothing matter, but was everything but soothing. The pain was still excruciating and still burned like hell.

"It hurts" I said and opened myself to this woman without even noticing it.

"What? Do you get chest pains?" she asked.

I shook my head sideways, "It's not like that" I said.

"Well, I don't under-" she stopped mid-sentence. I smiled sadly when an 'o' formed on her lips.

"Bella does it a lot, too" she said sadly. I gasped.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yup" she popped the p.

"What do you know about the fucker" I swallowed when her eyes narrowed, "I mean, Jake?" I said quickly.

"Rose" her melodic voice echoed through the kitchen and mine and Rosalie's heads shot up to see a furious looking Bella in the doorway. "Don't say another word" she said directly to Rosalie. Rosalie blushed and looked down.

"And you" she came towards me and poked me in my chest, "stop pestering my friend about my life, which doesn't concern you by the way" she poked me with every word she uttered.

"I'm sorry" I said shyly, feeling like a complete dick.

"I have no idea how many more '_I'm sorry's'_ I'll have to hear out of your mouth, Edward Cullen, but I hope that that was the last time" she joined us at the kitchen table.

Tristan and Abbey joined us seconds after Bella joined us, and we ate the pastries that Rosalie and Abbey had gotten earlier. We made small talk, which was led by Abbey and Tristan. Afterwards, we made our way to my Volvo-rental – Jasper and Alice was driving my Vanquish here while their cars were being shipped to Seattle. Jasper always wanted to drive my car and he wouldn't let this opportunity pass him by.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

Tristan was nervous about meeting Carlisle; the way he fidgeted with his fingers and raked his fingers through his hair and fidgeting some more. I smiled down at him when he clamped my hand tightly as we entered Emmett's house. Abbey sat on Bella's hip and hid her face in her mommy's hair. That sight alone almost killed me. I rubbed my chest with my free hand as the pain was overwhelming. I couldn't lose Bella, Tristan and Abbey to some fucker. I just couldn't…the thought alone crippled me.

"Rosie" I heard Emmett's loud voice as he laid eyes on the love of his life.

"Hey there, handsome" she smiled as she walked into his arms and kissed him passionately.

"Eew, that's disgusting" Tristan mocked them. Abbey giggled as she wiggled out of Bella's arms. One thing I've learned about Abbey was that she wasn't shy. I remembered how she introduced herself to me, and my lips curled upwards into a smile.

"You're the grizzly bear" she giggled behind her tiny hands when she stood in front of Emmett. His bellowing laughter echoed through his house before he crouched down and poked Abbey's nose.

"Abbey!" Bella scolded, but Emmett shook his head at Bella.

"That's how she remembers me, Bella. The first time we met she said that I reminded her of a grizzly bear" Emmett chuckled.

"Hey there pretty little princess" Emmett smiled.

"Uh uh" she stomped her tiny little foot and crossed her arms over her chest. Emmett's eyes widened and looked to Bella for help. Bella only raised her shoulders.

Abbey sighed loudly.

"I'm Edward's princess" she explained while rolling her eyes.

"But…but can't you be my princess too?" Emmett asked a little taken back. I chuckled softly and heard my son's warm laughter as well.

"I'm sorry, no" Abbey shook her head. My heart swelled with pride and adoration. She was **my **daughter…I couldn't care less what Bella and her douchebag thought of the idea, Abbey was mine. I would die for her…I fucking loved her as much as I loved Tristan; no comparisons.

"I'll just have to find another name for you then" Emmett pouted sadly. It was no surprise that Emmett had called her a princess because when meeting Abbey for the first time she reminds you of a princess…a vision of true and innocent beauty.

"Okay" she said.

"And you must be Tristan?" Emmett's eyes locked on Tristan.

"Yeah" he laughed, "and you do look like a grizzly"

"I do, don't I? I've been baptized with that name since I was a kid" Emmett smiled.

"Who gave you the name?" Tristan asked. Without realizing it, Emmett helped Tristan to relax and be his joyful self.

"Your dad, actually" Emmett grimaced.

Tristan and Abbey both looked at me at the same time; both of them smiling broadly. I laughed softly.

"Hello, Bella" Emmett approached Bella slowly. Tears formed in her beautiful brown eyes before they flowed down. Emmett reached out and rubbed her cheeks with his huge hands.

"I missed you so much, Em" her lips quivered and her chin wobbled from keeping her sobs in. He pulled her into his arms and embraced her tightly. Jealousy filled my heart; I wished that I could have had that kind of greeting from her. I wished that I could have heard that she missed me, too. I wished that I could have felt her head resting against my chest…

A tugging on my jeans brought me out of my reverie. As I looked down, I stared into the widened eyes of Abbey…fuck, she looked so much like Bella. I crouched down and picked her up.

"Why is mommy sad?" she asked softly.

"Uncle Emmett is like a brother to your mommy, and she missed him because she hasn't seen him in years, Princess" I explained softly.

"I don't like it when she cries…" Abbey said.

"I don't like it either" I whispered into her ear.

"She cries a lot, especially when she climbs into bed. Sometimes I can hear her and it upsets me" her pink lips quivered.

"We have to figure something out so that she won't be sad anymore" I said the only thing that came to mind. What else was I supposed to say; I had no clue why Bella cried every night. I had no idea what was happening inside of Bella's heart…I wish I had, though.

"Maybe you can make her a special CD" she said.

"What? Why?" I asked. We were still whispering so that no one knew what we were talking about.

"She likes your music…she listens to it all the time" Abbey said matter-of-factly.

"We'll work on that surprise, okay?" I kissed her forehead.

Emmett and Bella were talking softly. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her as she kept weeping and Emmett kept wiping her tears. She nodded almost the entire time as Emmett spoke to her. I wished that I could have heard their conversation…

"Emmett, have you seen-" my father's voice died at the sight in front of him. I hadn't told that I was bringing Tristan over because I wanted to surprise him. His eyes froze at the girl on my hip and then moved to where Tristan was standing. Tears sprung to his eyes as they lingered on Tristan.

"Who is that?" Abbey whispered into my ear.

"My daddy" I whispered back. She gasped.

"He looks sick, Edward" she whispered back. My heart soared at her words.

"He'll be fine" I smiled. "Tristan, Abbey, this is Carlisle – my father" I introduced them to my dad. Dad crouched down in front of Tristan, and Abbey wiggled herself free from my arms.

"Hello, Abbey, Tristan" Carlisle smiled. The tears were still visible in his eyes.

"Can I call you Pops?" Abbey asked straight forward. Everyone in the living room chuckled. My eyes caught Bella's expression; she was in awe, but she also had worry-lines on her forehead. I guessed that she must have seen what Abbey saw. I should tell her about Carlisle, but I had no idea how to do that without breaking down in front of her.

"I want to call you Pops, too" Tristan said. I picked up a little jealousy coming from Tristan. My son wasn't a shy kid, but he was nervous about meeting new people. I remembered how nervous he was when I was introduced to him the first time. But, as soon as he relaxed there was no stopping him.

"I would love to be your Pops" he cupped both their cheeks before he pulled them into his arms. His eyes met mine and he mouthed a silent thank you. I nodded with a smile.

Carlisle was introduced to Rosalie and I could tell that he was very taken with her. Abbey and Tristan wouldn't leave his hands, though, so he had to give her a hug with no arms. Bella tried to chastise them, but they refused to let go of Carlisle's hands. I was so proud of them…

"Bella?" Carlisle finally looked at Bella. She was standing in the farthest corner of the living room. I took hold of Abbey and Tristan as Carlisle made his way to Bella. Another round of tears sprung to her eyes and it damn near killed me to see her so sad and uncertain of herself. My family never blamed her for anything…on the contrary; they blamed me. They missed her terribly, especially Alice and Emmett. I knew Emmett and Alice were a bit pissed with Bella when they've learned how she kept Tristan from me, but Emmett sure as hell calmed down. I hoped that Alice would give her the same amount of love that Emmett just had.

Abbey huffed again and I chuckled. She hadn't liked the fact that her mommy was crying, again.

"You need to work on that CD, Edward" she huffed again.

Tristan looked at me in confusion. I held my hand over his ear and explained Abbey's plan to him. His eyes widened and filled with excitement.

"Can I help?" he asked.

"Sure you can. Besides, you know all of her favorites, I don't" I shrugged.

"When can we start?" he asked excitedly.

"I'll have to get the two of you alone so we can start working on the CD" I smiled at them. They nodded their heads.

"Mom will love it" Tristan said.

"I sure hope so" I said with uncertainty. I had no idea how she could hate me so much, but listen to my music at the same time. Bella was a closed book to me now, I realized. She had changed, but was still the same – if that made sense.

"What do you guys say about a BBQ?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, that would be awesome" Tristan made a fist pump in the air.

"I agree with Tristan, Emmie" Abbey giggled.

Emmett never waited for the rest of our replies. He asked Bella if it would be okay if he and Rosalie took Tristan and Abbey with them to the grocer. She agreed with a smile and Emmett and Tristan bumped their fists together. I smiled. It was so good seeing my family with my kids. I could tell that Emmett and Tristan would get along extremely well…and Abbey would have Emmett eating from the palm of her hand in no time.

After Emmett and Rosalie left with my life, Bella cut straight to the chase.

"Carlisle, not to be rude or anything, but what's wrong with you?" she asked.

I gulped. There was no getting out of this one.

"Dad, please" I begged softly, tears already brimming in my eyes. He looked back at me with so much sadness that it sent the tears falling. I shook my head, "I can't listen to this again. I'm sorry, I just can't" I whispered hoarsely before I left the room. Bella's eyes were widened as my tears flowed down my cheeks.

"He had to go through this with Alice and Em-" I heard him explain to a baffled Bella. His voice completely died as I entered Emmett's music room.

I took a seat behind the piano and stretched my fingers before I placed them on the white keys. My fingers trailed through the black and white keys playing - on their own accord - the lullaby I wrote Bella years ago. I closed my eyes as three pairs of eyes danced in front of me; two brown pairs and one green pair. I couldn't choose between the pairs of eyes as I loved all of them. All of them took my fucking breath away, but every pair brought out different feelings. My children's eyes brought love, hope, peace, astonishment and happiness into my hollow heart and soul while Bella's eyes brought a different kind of love, passion, desire, reverence and lust. I couldn't choose, all of them filled my heart and soul in completely different ways, but all of them were crucial.

I needed them. I needed their love. I needed their acceptance.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

**A/N: I know this took a while…fuck, my son is teething **_**again**_**. He's busy with his fourth tooth and it's driving me crazy LOL. This chapter almost took me two weeks to complete. I hope it's not a disappointment and I hope it flows well. I know you'll be honest, though. I had a lot to cover in this chapter, but I think things will go smoother now that Edward is in Seattle. Angst is not over, though, not by a long shot!**

**I haven't gotten back to the reviewers of the previous chapter, I'm sorry. I literally don't have the time. I'll try to answer this chapter's reviews, but I'm not promising anything, though. **

**Everyone but Esme and the kids know about Carlisle's illness now…what do you think Esme's reaction will be? **Warning** Esme is not as sweet as she is in all the other stories…BPOV is up next, guys…hopefully I'll get more time, but I'm not promising anything. My son is very difficult at the moment!**

**P.S. I have no idea how long this story is going to be…I can't even tell you how many chapters there'll be. I just hope that you'll stick with me to the end. Things will heat up now that Edward's in town…HAHA! I bet he'll make it very hard for Bella to concentrate on her wedding *wink* … Don't ask me about Bella's upcoming wedding because I won't answer…it's a surprise. That chapter is already written, by the way! (I'll say one thing, though; it's going to be nerve wracking)**

**Please don't stop reviewing…I'm begging you.**


	16. Chapter Fifteen My life a perfect mess

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Lyrics in this chapter belongs to:**

**Erase this - Evanescence**

**Hurt – Nine Inch Nails**

**1000 good intentions – Rise Against**

**Photograph – Suicide Silence**

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews on the previous chapter. And welcome to all of the new readers…please review, though. I can't help but feel sad when I see that BD has almost three hundred followers, but not ten percent of those three hundred takes the time to review :'( breaks my heart. **

**Please read the author's note at the bottom…it's a long one!**

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

_**Is it so hard for you? **_

_**Cause it's so hard for me**_

_**To believe that what we dream**_

_**Could ever come to life again **_

_**Cause I cannot erase this darkness in me**_

_**(Erase this – Evanescence)**_

Chapter Fifteen – My life; a perfect mess

**BPOV**

"I don't know what to say, Carlisle, it's…" I rubbed my forehead before sliding my hand down my face. My heart was torn into pieces at Carlisle's revelation about his illness. "It's breaking my heart to know this"

He clasped my hands between his own with a sad smile.

"I've made peace with it, Bella. My only wish now is to see my children happy before I die…_all_ of my children" he emphasized the all. I lowered my eyes to our clasped hands.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I know I've hurt Edward when I walked away from him and by keeping his son away from him…from all of you" I said sadly.

"You made mistakes, Bella, we all make them, but you can't let the mistakes you make ruin your life. At some point you'll have to, not only forgive yourself, but Edward as well" he whispered. "Tristan needs the both of you" he added soothingly.

"I know you're right…I'm just…I'm just protecting my heart" I sighed.

"From whom?" he asked.

"Myself" I answered quickly, but Carlisle raised an eyebrow. I sighed before I added softly, "and from Edward"

He laughed softly. "I heard you're getting married" he asked.

"I promised Jake that I'll marry him, Carlisle, I gave him my word. I can't go back on that, not after everything he had done for me and my kids" I blabbered without even realizing it.

"Bella" he sighed, "please tell me that you're not binding yourself to a man – for life – just because you made a promise" he looked mortified. "You do realize it'll never work, right? Unless you love him – truly love him"

"I can't hurt him, Carlisle. I just can't" I tried to justify my decision, but my heart broke at the mere thought of binding myself to Jake for life. I love Jake, but not in the way that a wife should love her husband.

"But you're hurting yourself – and Edward – in the process. Sweetie, I love you like a daughter and I just want to see you happy before I die" I flinched at the word 'die'. My heart immediately went out to Edward. His pain killed me.

"I…ur…I should go see where Edward stormed off to" I said, desperate to get away from Carlisle's soft and pleading eyes.

"We'll talk later" he smiled knowingly. He knew I was running away from him. "If anyone asks, please tell them that I'm taking a nap" he said. I leaned over and kissed his forehead before I stood up and walked through Emmett's house. I had no idea where Edward stormed off to, but I wanted to make sure that he was alright. The tears in his eyes when Carlisle started telling me about his illness broke my heart.

I know I've been nothing more than a bitch to Edward. I had no idea why I acted like that towards him. Whenever we were in the same room together, I would feel anger towards him. I've deciphered that I was acting that way so that he wouldn't doubt my decision about Jake. If Edward knew how much I truly loved him…it would be over. I wouldn't be able to hide anything from him; not about Jake or the rape. Edward could never know about Abbey's father, never. He would hate me…he would think that I was damaged goods. I wouldn't be able to handle his rejection…again!

_**I wear this crown of shit**_

_**Upon my liar's chair**_

_**Full of broken thoughts**_

_**I cannot repair**_

_**Beneath the stain of time**_

_**The feelings disappear**_

_**(Hurt – Nine Inch Nails)**_

I was drawn to the piano playing down the hall. Tears sprung to my eyes when I recognized my lullaby. My heart sprung to my throat and I had to clasp my hands over my mouth to stifle the sob that was about to escape. It was as beautiful as I remembered it.

I held onto the doorframe as I stared at Edward's back. The soft melody stopped before he started playing a slow and sad – and very familiar - melody.

"I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole…the unfamiliar sting…try to kill it all away, but I remember everything" he sang softly. I remembered this song as soon as the first notes escaped his mouth. It was one of _Eclipse's_ oldest songs…it was on the first album they released after I've left Edward. It had always reminded me of myself and the things I've done to Edward – how I left him and destroyed our lives. I always wondered about the song; was it about me?

"What have I become, my sweetest friend? Everyone I know goes away in the end…And you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down, I will make you hurt…if I could start again, a million miles away. I would keep myself…I would find a way" the raw emotion in his voice brought more tears to my eyes.

"Haven't sung that in a while…where did that come from…?" he whispered in astonishment.

My feet dragged me towards Edward on their own accord, as if he had some sort of magnetic pull on me. My hand rose above his shoulder – lingering in the air for a second – before I laid it down softly. His head snapped around and looked startled for a second.

"I'm sorry" I whispered and was about to move my hand away, but he quickly gripped my hand and pulled it to his cheek.

"Edward-" I started saying, but he shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Don't" his voice sounded raspy and so sad. He swung his body around and was facing me now. He pulled me towards him – so I was standing in between his legs -, pushed his head into my stomach and rubbed his cheek against my sweater – taking a whiff – before he hid his face in my stomach.

"I need you, Bella, I need you so damn much" he whispered against my sweater, but I could feel his warm breath through my clothes and it sent shivers down my spine.

I stared down on the different shades of reds and browns, which created the most perfect mess of bronze. His hair was as unruly as I remembered it. I sighed before I jabbed my fingers into his soft hair. My nails scraped across his scalp, pulling lightly on his hair before I knotted pieces of it around my index finger.

A low moan erupted from his chest, sending my heart fluttering.

Warning signs went off in my head, but I ignored them as I reveled in the feel of Edward's arms around my body. _He was sad…he had just learned that his father was dying. He needed comfort_, I kept telling myself. But, as soon as Edward's hands fumbled with the hem of my sweater and dipped them underneath my sweater, I knew this was more than a comfort. His fingers traced my lower back ever so gently causing little whimpers to roll off of my lips.

"The song you just sang" I said the first thing that came to mind. I was enjoying his touch way too much and I needed a distraction – I needed to distract him. I feared that I would not have had the willpower to stop him.

He slowly raised his head and looked up at me – his hands still wrapped underneath my shirt – with eyes filled with sorrow and so much pain.

"Yes?" he prompted.

"I've always wondered what's it about?" I asked.

He sighed – trembling a bit – before he pulled his hands from under my shirt. He took my hand and pulled me towards the bench so I was sitting beside him.

"Remember the tattoo on my wrist?" he asked and seemed nervous.

I nodded and took his left hand – feeling very courageous all of a sudden – and raised the sleeve of his shirt. I laid the back of his hand on my lap and stared at the words on his wrist.

"This was the first tattoo I got-"

"You have more" I gasped.

He nodded. "Yup, and I'm busy designing my next one" he answered nonchalantly.

"Anyway, this tattoo was chosen in a moment of stupidity, but now…" he shook his head, "Now I can see a totally different meaning behind the words…it reminds me of where I was and where I am today" he explained.

"I…I don't understand" I sighed.

"When you left…you took everything with you; my beating heart, my lungs…my fucking life" he said in a gut-wrenching pain. "I stopped living when you walked away from me. I don't know if I should tell you this, Bella" he sighed, looking away from me.

"I want to know what you went through, Edward. Please tell me" I said softly, still rubbing the tattoo.

"I started using drugs and I drank a lot…I was living my life hard" he said as if he was in pain.

"What?" I gasped.

"I had no sense of anything. I tried to numb my pain with booze and drugs"

"I had no idea…I mean, I knew about the drinking…" I said and he looked at me with a frown. "The papers" I explained.

"Oh, yeah, the media" he chuckled.

"So, what happened?" I asked slowly, blowing out a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding.

"Emmett woke me up…beat the living shit out of me…and threw my ass in rehab" he said while rubbing soothing circles on his chest.

"You were an addict?"

"Not really. It was close, though. Booze wasn't the problem, but the hard drugs I started using were becoming a really bad habit – a needy bad habit. I was in rehab for sixty days and never used drugs again. I still drink, but I control it to the fucking limit" he smiled.

"Wow, I never realized" I sighed.

"You thought my life was sunshine and roses after you left?" he chuckled, but it sounded pained.

"No, I didn't. I just…you were always the strong one in our relationship…I thought-"

"You were my strength, Bella, don't you know that? I could have moved mountains with you by my side; your love, faith and reverence was all I ever needed" he said hoarsely. "I was literally crippled when I came back to an empty hotel room"

"Please stop" I cried.

He pulled his hand off of my lap and took my leg and swung it over the bench so I was straddling the bench. He followed suit and we were facing each other now, and it made me nervous as hell. I could feel my pulse ringing in my ears.

"The song was written shortly after I came out of rehab" he explained. "I remember how good it felt to use drugs because it numbed me into a state where I didn't even know who I was, let alone who I've lost – you" he whispered. He took my hands into his own. "But using needles also proved to me that I was still alive…because – at some point - I became so numb that I actually thought that I was dead. Plus, I was afraid I had no feelings left because my chest felt so hollow as if someone punched a hole into my chest and ripped my heart out, leaving me numb and completely emotionless. But not before the excruciating pain almost killed me. After rehab I became this selfish fucking bastard who took his pain and hatred out on everybody that loved him. I had so much anger and hatred towards you, Bella" he explained while shaking his head. "There was a time that I found that hating you was easier – it soothed the pain to a point that I can't even describe to you. But, now…now that I've seen you again-"

"Please, Edward, don't" I begged again. I didn't want to hear this…I couldn't take the pain he went through because of me.

"I have forgiven you for everything, Bella, _**everything**_; the ultimatum, you leaving me, lying to me about Tristan…everything. Why can't you forgive me?" he asked.

"I…I don't know why? I'm trying, Edward, I really am…it's just hard" my voice trembled. I couldn't give him the real reason why I had to act around him. He wouldn't understand my obligation towards Jake…he wouldn't understand the promise I made. Fuck, not even Rosalie understands completely, but it was just who I was. Unlike Edward, I stick to a promise I made. He promised me since we were six years old that he would never hurt me…and he had, in the worst possible way; rejection. Now he wanted to get married…now that I had his son. Was I supposed to just fall into his lap and let him woo me back into his life? Was I supposed to break my promise to Jake – who had been by my side for almost ten years, helping me through everything I went through?

I'm sorry, but I just couldn't do it. I wasn't that kind of person and I would never be that person. Jake needed me and I made a promise to marry him. I was going through with my wedding…unless Jake broke it off, I would walk down that aisle. Even though it would cripple me…kill me…I couldn't and wouldn't let Jake down.

"Do you love me?" he asked out of the blue and my heart started beating faster.

"No" I looked away from him because I couldn't lie straight to his face, especially while looking into his piercing eyes. He would know that I was lying. I was startled when his hands gently cradled my face and pulled me to look at him. His green eyes pierced mine.

"Why don't you look into my eyes while you're saying that, Love" he whispered. My chest ached at the old nickname he used for me. My eyes pooled with tears.

Edward stared at me for a long while before his hands went around my lower back and pulled me against his body. I was not only straddling the bench but Edward as well. Fuck, this felt amazing and awkward at the same time.

His face was so close to mine that I could feel his warm breath wafting over my face. He licked his lips slowly while he moved his eyes down to my lips. Warning bells rang in my head again, but I wasn't in control of myself…I was powerless all of a sudden – as if in some kind of trance - as Edward's lips moved closer to mine. He was cradling my face again before his lips locked with mine, tenderly. The kiss was slow and soft as his lips moved over mine. My hands crept into his hair again and I moaned before I pulled his head closer to mine. A growl erupted from his chest causing his lips to vibrate against mine, eliciting the most powerful electric currents I've ever felt. It felt as if my lips was on fire; blazing with furious flames as his lips moved seductively against mine.

A pair of brown eyes appeared in my unstable mind and the hurt in them caused me an immeasurable amount of guilt. I quickly pushed against Edward's chest and gently pushed him away.

"Please don't" I whimpered. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this"

"Do you love me, Bella?" he asked hopefully.

I hardened my heart and looked him straight in the eyes. I had to act like I've never acted before…I would deal with the heartache when I was at my apartment.

"No, Edward, I don't" I lied blatantly.

His face contorted with mortification, and I saw that he believed me. The pain inside my chest was killing me, but I had to go through with this. He wasn't even supposed to be in Seattle, he was supposed to be in LA where it would have made my decision about Jake so much easier. He just fucked everything up by coming back to Seattle.

"Bella, no, you don't mean that" he gasped, still mortified.

"Yes, I do. I'm marrying Jake, Edward, you just have to accept that" I said. I removed my hands from his hair and tried to wiggle myself off of his lap. A deep crimson blush covered my cheeks when I failed miserably, falling back against Edward's chest. Edward wrapped his scorching hands around my hips and gently lifted me off of him.

I muttered a thank you before I stood from the bench and turned my back to him because tears were already pooling in my eyes.

"I'll fight like hell for you, Bella. I won't give up" he said to my surprise. I couldn't handle any more attempts from Edward…I'm not strong enough to resist him anymore. I was sure by the lie I told a minute ago that he would back off, but I was wrong.

"Well, like I told you before, you don't have to fight very long" I swallowed the bile that rose to my throat. I slowly walked to the exit of the music room.

"We'll see" he challenged before I left.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

After Sunday, Edward came to see Tristan every night. I was a nervous wreck around him because I had no idea when he would start pledging his love again. It scared the hell out of me to be honest. But, he never said anything or tried anything for that matter.

Edward had asked me if he could spend some time with Tristan and Abbey over the weekend. This surprised me because why would he want to spend time with Abbey? I told him that I couldn't let Tristan spend the night because I had no idea how Edward would handle my son…that was when he suggested that I tag along. He wouldn't tell me where we were going, but only that it was a surprise. I was angsty about not knowing where I was going this coming weekend.

I had a bad feeling about this weekend, but I couldn't refuse because Tristan overheard us while we were talking in the kitchen, and he begged me to say yes. I couldn't deny my son anything, so I agreed – with a fearful heart I might add. A whole weekend with Edward…alone – well, technically Tristan and Abbey would be there, but still.

Today was going to be hard because I was not only leaving for the weekend with Edward, but I also had a press conference. I was finally going to sit down and let these fuckers of the media ask me a couple of questions – which they so desperately wanted – the fuckers. The conference wasn't what bothered me, what bothered me were the fucking vultures asking the questions. Plus, I still hadn't figured out what to say about Abbey. I was afraid that Sam would find me…he would figure out that Abbey was his daughter. I had no idea what he would do with that fact, but it scared the hell out of me nonetheless.

"Are you alright?" Seth asked me with a worried expression.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"No, I'm not. I still don't know what to say if they ask about Abbey" I sighed. "They know who Tristan's father is, but they don't know about Abbey"

"You tell them to fuck off" he said angrily.

"Sure, that will send them flying" I said sarcastically.

"It's none of their business, Bella, besides your children has nothing to do with your music career"

"That's where you're wrong. When you become famous, everything about your life is on display, and your life becomes everyone's business" my voice trembled.

"Well, you already told Abbey that her father is dead, Bella, you have to stick to that story. Think about Abbey and what she'll go through if she finds out otherwise" he encouraged.

"I just hope that Sam doesn't figure it out" I sighed.

"He won't, besides, why would he care anyways? He raped you" he whispered in a hiss.

"I know that, Seth, but I can't help to think that Sam is a very sick man. I know he raped me, Seth, but what makes you think that he won't come after Abbey…or me. He was obsessed with me"

"Bella, you haven't seen or heard from him in six years. I bet he's far gone; probably feels like shit for what he did to you" he said while raising his arm and peeked at his watch. "I'm sorry, but we have to go in now. Are you ready?" he asked softly, gently laying his hands on my shoulders and giving them a little squeeze in comfort.

"Okay, I'm ready" I smiled.

We entered the building where the press conference was being held. Photographers immediately started flashing their cameras as I made my way to the front of the room where a table with an office chair awaited me. Seth pulled out the chair and I silently thanked him before I sat down.

"Good afternoon ladies and gentleman of the press" Seth said calmly, but I could hear the venom in his voice. He was pissed at everything these people published about me and my children.

I stared at the vultures; some of them holding a notepad with a pen while others had cameras pointing towards me. The flashes looked like lightning as they took photos none stop.

"Isabella Swan accepted this conference to answer a few questions. Keep in mind that she is not obligated – in any way whatsoever – to answer a question if she doesn't feel like it. Keep your questions discreet and please wait for her to pick you before you start your questions" he explained to them before he looked to me and winked, silently telling me that I could start.

Hands immediately stretched up; flicking their fingers and calling my name. I sighed. Here I go…

"You in the red dress" I pointed to a tall woman with flaming red hair.

"Is it true that Edward Cullen broke of his engagement with Tanya Denali because the two of you are back together?" she asked openly.

I cleared my throat before I lowered my lips to the microphone. "No, I can assure you that that is not true" I answered without elaborating. If these fuckers wanted to know something, they were going to have to drag it the fuck out of me.

"But-"

"Uh-uh," I cut her off and she frowned, "you had your turn. Who is next?" I grinned.

Everybody waved their hands again. I looked at every single one before I picked a dark-skinned lady with black hair and glasses.

"Why did you use a secret identity when you could have just used your own name? What's the difference?" she asked in a friendly matter.

"Well, first of all, I wanted to protect my children from people like you" I said honestly. "I didn't want their photos on the cover of every magazine or newspaper just because we spend a day at the park, or went out to McDonalds for lunch, or took a simple stroll. My children deserve better than that…they're kids, they need a life – and that life didn't include hiding from the media all the time" I answered flatly.

"And secondly?" she prompted.

"Secondly, I was protecting myself"

I picked another person; a short blonde man.

"Is it true that you work at a nightclub?" he asked.

"Yes, it's true. I've been working there for almost five years" I answered unashamed.

"Is it true that you kept Edward's son from him?" another man asked. I sighed.

"No comment" I decided to say. "I'm not here to answer questions about my children. And I'm sure as hell not going to discuss my personal life with you" I spat.

"Where is your daughter's father?" someone asked.

"He's dead" I said as calmly as I could. "That is the last question I'll answer about my children. They have nothing to do with this and please keep in mind that they are just children and they don't need the shit that you print in your reports. I'll take further steps if you print anything about my children ever again…I swear it" I growled.

"How can we believe that you and Edward Cullen aren't re-united?" another one asked.

"Because I'm engaged to be married in three weeks" I answered.

"Are you continuing your music-career?" the woman with the glasses asked again. I liked her…her questions were about Izzy and my music, not about my children or my love life.

"I have no idea. I haven't thought about it, but for now I'm done" I smiled.

"That's a pity because you are very talented. Are you aware that your album – Black Heart – is on top of almost all the charts?" she smiled back.

"Thank you, and no, I had no idea. Things were a bit hectic the last couple of days" I chuckled. "Seth" I whispered and turned to Seth, covering the microphone with my right hand.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I want that woman's name and number. I also want to know from which magazine or newspaper she is" I requested.

The rest of the afternoon was spent answering stupid questions, but I never answered anything about my children or my love life and/or personal life.

"I think that I've answered the questions that were needed to be answered. I do, however, have one more thing to say" I said slowly, yet venomously. "If you print anything about my children…I'll take legal steps. You have no right to drag my children into this mess I've created. They don't deserve this…leave them the hell alone" I hissed.

I stood up with a poisonous smile.

"Thank you" I said and started walking out the door. I waited for Seth outside – knowing that he was getting that reporters number. I wanted to make an appointment with her and give a full statement about my career without being bombarded with silly questions about Edward and Tanya. I was also thinking about taking Jake along so that she could make it pretty clear that I was indeed getting married.

_**Let's take it back to square one,**_

_**And figure out how all this bullshit began.**_

_**This is the end of my reality.**_

_**I'll hold my breath till I can't breathe**_

_**(O.C.D. – Suicide Silence)**_

"Mommy, mommy" I was greeted by a very eager Abbey when I returned home. I was exhausted at everything that was happening in my life. My emotions felt like a rollercoaster ride; Edward, Jake, Edward, Jake and Edward again. My mind swirled with memories of us together, but then my obligation to Jake would take over and consumed me with so much fucking guilt to the point where I couldn't sleep at night.

"Hey, baby-girl" I laughed softly as I crouched down and picked her up. "How was your day?" I asked.

"Tyler punched Alec in the face today" she giggled. My eyes widened in shock.

"What? Why?" I asked shockingly.

"He made fun of me again, you know, about my daddy, so Tyler punched him. Alec's nose was even bleeding" she said proudly.

"Baby, I know that it hurts you when Alec teases you, but it's never okay for someone – anyone – to get physical. It's not okay to fight, do you understand?" I explained.

"Okay" she sighed. "But he deserved it" she added quickly.

"So, is Tyler your new friend?"

"Yup" she popped the p. "I told him that my daddy was dead and when Alec called me a freak again, Tyler punched him" she said proudly again. I sighed. I wasn't going to get through to her; Tyler is my daughter's hero now and no matter what…she would see him that way.

"Are you ready for this weekend?" I asked instead of berating her again.

"Yes, yes, yes" she exclaimed in excitement. Her brown eyes were all sparkly as if there were millions of stars dancing in them. Her cheeks were flushed and she had the biggest smiled on her pretty little face. "Auntie Rosie helped us to pack, but Tristan was being difficult again. Rosie threatened to call Edward if he kept up with his stinky attitude" she spilled the beans on her brother with pride.

"Why was he being difficult?" I asked as we walked down the hallway to Tristan's room.

"He gave Rosie attitude about every piece of clothing she wanted to pack for him, and he told her that he isn't a baby anymore" she said proudly. I chuckled.

"Are you telling on me, Abbey?" Tristan said in annoyance when we entered his room. He was lying on his bed with a book in his hands.

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"It's the truth" she said.

"Doesn't give you the right to tell on me. Have I ever told on you?" he spat. "No, I haven't" he answered his own question. "Maybe I should tell mom how you steal cookies at night, or that you throw your dirty clothes back in the closet" he said, but I saw the sparkle in his eyes and knew he was teasing her.

Abbey gasped in my arms, "Trissie" she pouted and wiggled to get out of my arms. When her feet touched the floor she ran to him and jumped onto his bed, hugging him fiercely. "I promise I won't ever tell on you again. I promise, I promise, just don't say another word, please" she pouted again. I chuckled at the scene playing off in front of me. I winked at my son, feeling very proud of him.

"Okay, I won't say anything…just remember that I always have your back and I expect the same from you. We're brother and sister…we have to stick together" he said in mock seriousness.

"Okay, Trissie, I'll have your back" she nodded her head up and down fiercely.

"What is this I hear about dirty clothes?" I cocked an eyebrow at her. She gasped and looked at Tristan with narrowed eyes. I already knew about this little secret; I'm a mom. I found it funny that my daughter – who was a girl – wasn't nearly as neat as my son. I just hoped that she would grow out of it…one day.

He shrugged.

"I'm sorry, mommy, I won't do it again" she said sadly, but batted her eyelashes at me along with the cutest pout.

"That's not going to work, baby-girl, this is a very serious offense. Plus, stealing cookies?" I pretended to be shocked.

"I'm sorry, mommy, I won't do it again" she said again; copying her facial expressions from before.

I shook my head with laughter.

"The two of you will be the death of me" I chuckled.

I made my way across the room and fell onto the bed. Abbey climbed over me so that I was in between them. I lay on my back and they followed suit; each claiming a shoulder to lie on. We stared at the ceiling without saying a word.

"Thank you for doing this weekend with us. I love you, mom" Tristan finally broke the silence. I moved my head to his side and looked at him. I raised my hand and raked my fingers through his hair.

"I love you, too, Tris" I smiled, "the both of you" I hugged them tightly.

"This looks cozy" I heard his husky voice before I saw him. I felt Tristan go rigid in my arms.

I sat up, but my kids stayed down.

"Hey, Jake" I said nervously, "what are you doing here?" I asked.

"Do I need an invitation to come visit my fiancée?" he asked with a lazy smile.

"No, of course not, I just wasn't expecting you" I explained.

"Hey you two" he greeted my children. They sat up and said hello to him. I smiled, patting the both of them on their knees.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked and I nodded. I kissed my kids on their heads before I left the room with Jacob.

I went to my room with Jake following me. I felt nervous. Jake wasn't pleased with the idea of me spending the entire weekend with Edward.

I grabbed a suitcase and threw it on the bed; walking back and forth from the bed to the closet and throwing clothes into the suitcase.

"I don't like this, Bella" he started again.

I sighed, rubbed my forehead hard and narrowed my eyes at him.

"I'm not letting Tristan spend his first night with Edward alone, Jake, you should know me better than that" I forced out between my teeth.

"Yeah, I know, but still" he scratched his head.

"Jake, you can trust me" I said, but felt my stomach twist with guilt.

"I trust you" he said through narrowed lips while raking his hand through his thick hair, "it's that fucker I don't trust" he lashed out.

A low chuckle was heard from the door and both mine and Jake's heads shot up, looking at an amused Edward.

"Now that's one thing we have in common" he said clenching his jaw and made a move to turn around, but froze and turned back holding his index finger up. "Make that two things" he grinned as he winked at me. I gulped loudly as my face turned all kinds of reds.

Jake looked at me warily before he returned his eyes to Edward and crossing his arms over his chest.

"I finally meet the douche everybody's been talking about" Edward smirked sarcastically and I narrowed my eyes at him. He was being so rude and disrespectful. "I have to admit that I was expecting…I don't know" Edward raked his fingers through his hair, "someone less wolfy" he grinned. I stared at Edward with an open mouth. Wolfy? Really?

"I'm a douche?" Jacob spat in anger, but Edward stayed remarkably calm. "At least I didn't choose a stupid band and career over Bella. If anyone's a douchebag around here, it's you. I've actually never met anyone more stupid than you…you've lost the most beautiful and caring woman because of a stupid fucking career" Jacob growled.

"Jacob, Edward, stop this" I stepped between them.

"Mom, Dad, can we go now?" All of our heads shot up where Tristan was standing behind Edward. Edward's eyes widened in shock and he paled while fear crawled around in his emerald pools. It took him a few seconds to compose himself before he turned around to face our son.

"Sure, buddy" Edward smiled and crouched down so he was eye-level with Tristan. "We're just waiting for your mom to finish up, okay?" Edward said calmly.

"I'm done, actually, I'll just grab a few of my toiletries" I quickly said. I hardly recognized my own voice…I had no idea how much of Edward and Jacob's conversation Tristan had overheard. My stomach turned again.

Edward left my room without another word towards Jacob, and I looked sadly at the backs of my son and Edward. Edward had his arm around Tristan's shoulders.

"How dare you lose your temper like that?" I scolded Jacob. "Tristan could have heard everything"

He snorted.

"You're giving _**me**_ grieve about this?" he asked astounded. "After what that fucker said to _**me**_…you're blaming this on _**me**_?" he poked himself, emphasizing the word 'me' with every poke.

"No, I'm not blaming you. All I'm saying is that Edward was calm while you lashed out like a fucking maniac and said things that my son should not hear" I placed my hands on my hips. "We'll continue this discussion when I get back on Sunday" I said with finality before I grabbed my vanity case and disappeared into the bathroom. I left him standing in my room. I felt guilty, but I quickly justified everything I've said. He had no right to throw that into Edward's face…not that I was trying to protect Edward or anything; I just didn't want my son to find out the reason behind mine and Edward's break-up.

I threw all of my toiletries into my vanity case and made another round to my room – to make sure I had everything. Jacob was nowhere to be seen and I feared that he was in the living room with my son and Edward.

"What happened between you and Jacob?" Rosalie asked behind me. I turned around and smiled sadly.

"Edward" I sighed. "That's what happened"

"Oh" she stretched the word out.

"You could have warned me he was here" I laughed.

"I wanted to, but Emmett came with Edward and I kinda got lost in the moment" she said.

"You are serious about Em, aren't you?" I smiled happily because I haven't seen my friend this happy in…well, I've never seen her like this actually.

"He asked me to move in?" she shrugged.

"What? When?" I asked exasperated. "I mean, isn't it a bit soon?"

"At the BBQ last Sunday" she answered. "I told him that I can't" she smiled sadly.

"I'm sure he understands, Rose. Em's a very understanding guy, but he wouldn't have asked you to take such a huge step if he wasn't serious about you" I cooed.

"I'm serious about him, too, but we've been together for two weeks, Bella, two weeks" she threw her hands in the air. "It's way too soon"

"Knowing Emmett, he'll wait for when you are ready. Don't let it bring you down, besides, you have your reasons for not accepting his offer" I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and hugged her tightly.

"You're right" she smiled as she pulled away from me. "Now, get your ass out of here and go have some fun with your kids…and the _douche_" she chuckled.

"You heard that?" I asked.

"Yup, Jacob was pretty loud. I think Tristan heard as well" she gave me a heads-up.

"Fuck, that was what I feared"

"He'll be fine. Now go" she pushed me out of the room, grabbing my suitcase on her way out.

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

"How much further, Prince Charming?" Abbey asked with a bored sigh.

"About two more hours, Princess" he answered, looking in the rearview mirror.

She sighed again.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see" he smiled crookedly.

"Dad, can you at least put some music on that rocks?" Tristan asked. "This classical stuff is making me sleepy"

"Any requests?" Edward asked.

"Put one of your band's CD's in" Abbey answered before Tristan could.

I swallowed. I remembered how I used to listen to his music while crying myself to sleep. I bought every single album as soon as it was released.

"I don't have any…" he answered.

"I have one of your albums" Tristan said in excitement. He rummaged through his backpack – which he insisted on keeping it with him – before he fished out a CD. "Here you go" he held the CD out.

"Urm, Bella, do you mind putting it into the stereo?"

I took the CD from Tristan and gulped when I saw that it was the first album they released after I've left him. This was bound to bring back some memories – to the both of us.

_**The more we organize**_

_**We suck out this life that serves as the fuel behind**_

_**You wanna take the passion in my veins,**_

_**and put it down in black & white**_

_**You've got your foot directly on the gas**_

_**I watch you burn out so fast**_

_**Now I can see just what you've become,**_

_**and "How could something so right turn out so wrong?"**_

_**I don't have a backup plan**_

_**This is all that I am**_

_**And "How could something so right turn out so wrong?"**_

_**Not sure exactly where I am**_

_**(1000 Good intentions – Rise Against)**_

Tristan sang along with almost every word – knowing it literally by heart. Edward was silent when the music – his own music – started playing. I noticed how his jaw clenched and the muscle under his eye twitched slightly. I remembered how this always happened when he was either furious or nervous. If I could have looked into his eyes right now, I may have deciphered what the hell he was thinking, but he kept his eyes on the road, his hands clutching the steering wheel.

"Hey, dad, won't you miss your band?" Tristan asked.

"Nope" he popped the p. "I have everything I want right here" he finally met my eyes for a second before he focused on the road again.

"I want your new album" Tristan requested, or rather demanded.

Edward chuckled warmly, changing lanes before he met Tristan's eyes in the rearview mirror.

"I'll get you one, don't worry" he smiled.

I zoned out for a while, thinking about my life.

The day I had left Edward was probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. I had almost died of the love I had for him. I remembered how Charlie used to yell at me that my love for Edward Cullen was fucking unhealthy. He called it a sick obsession and later on he just called our love a curse. Those days were hard because Charlie and I were constantly fighting…until I had found out that I was pregnant. It was like an overnight change had occurred in my life, heart and soul. The so-called curse suddenly turned into a big fucking blessing – my words -, but it took Charlie a while to understand what I was going through.

A small smile formed on my lips as the memory of Tristan's birth appeared in front of me. I remembered how I screamed for Edward while tears ran down my temples. Rosalie and Charlie was in the delivery room with me – both offering their support. One was whispering that I needed to call Edward while the other whispered that we would get through everything without Edward's help. I smiled when I remembered how Rosalie fought with Charlie because of his ignorance concerning Edward.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward's voice brought me out of my reverie. I turned my head to look at him.

"What?" I asked.

"You're smiling…it can only be happy thoughts" he explained.

"I was thinking about Tristan's birth" I answered.

"Will you tell me about it?" he asked. His face – even from the side – was pulled in excruciating pain. Guilt overwhelmed me once again.

"Urm…" I looked to the back where Tristan and Abbey were playing rock/paper/scissors before I returned my gaze to him. They were unaware of our conversation.

"What do you wanna know?" I asked.

"Was the birth difficult?" he asked.

Flashes of my screaming face appeared before me; hearing myself call out Edward's name as contractions hit me…especially when I started pushing.

"Not really. He was born two hours after my water broke" I answered.

"I wish I was there" he said, crushing my heart into a pulp.

I dropped my eyes and fidgeted with my fingers, "I'm sorry" I whispered.

"Hey," he said, taking his hand off of the gears and rested it on my clasped hands. "Don't apologize, Bella. Like I said before, I've already forgiven you. I just…I'll never forgive myself for missing out on nine years of my son's life" he whispered softly so that Tristan and Abbey wouldn't hear.

"Maybe we shouldn't be talking about this with them here" I suggested softly, rolling my eyes to the back of the car.

"Will you tell me about everything you went through later?" he asked and I nodded.

We fell into an awkward silence again. I sighed while leaning my forehead to my side of the window. It would be dark soon. My eyes slid closed with the memory of Tristan's birth.

I started feeling pains at about 6 a.m. Charlie took me to the hospital at about 8 a.m. where the contractions became stronger and more intense. The pain inside my heart was so much worse, though. I was having Edward's baby and he wasn't here…he had no idea that I was in labor, or that I was even carrying his son. I never pictured the birth of my first baby to be like this – alone and heartbroken.

My water broke at the hospital and Tristan was born two hours later. He was 6 lb. 11 oz. and 20 inches. He was perfectly healthy. Charlie was very discreet about the whole delivery as he only stood next to my head and held my hand tightly. He never looked anywhere but at my face. Rose cut Tristan's umbilical cord – she was so fucking proud.

Charlie had called mine and Edward's love a damned curse, but as soon as he held Tristan in his arms he started crying uncontrollably. He placed a soft kiss on Tristan's forehead and then on mine before he whispered, "He is our beautiful disaster"

I remembered how I fought with him because he was calling my son a disaster, but when Charlie had explained himself, he kinda made sense – the way only Charlie could. He had a weird outtake on life and how he saw things.

"_Tristan is not a disaster, Bella, he is the beauty that came from the crazy disaster of your and Edward's relationship" he explained._ I was still mad at him and never understood what he was trying to say anyways, but I remembered how exhausted I was by giving birth and that I had no strength left in me to fight with my father about disasters and the beauty of it.

_**I remember the day**_

_**Just like it was in a photograph **_

_**Where nothing ever changes**_

_**and always stays the same**_

_**Where nothing ever changes**_

_**The memory stands still**_

_**(The Photograph – Suicide Silence)**_

I gasped when I saw the 'Welcome to Forks' sign. What were we doing in Forks?

"Edward, what are we doing here?" I asked him a little shaken up.

"My parents never sold their house; Dad refused to live here and Mom, well, mom moved to England as soon as we left the house" he explained. "They are so stubborn; they don't want to live here, but they don't want to sell the place either. I just figured that I could show Tristan where we grew up – where I grew up, as I'm sure that he already knows where you grew up" he said.

"So, where going to Pops' old house?" Tristan asked.

"Sure are, buddy, if you want?" Edward added a little unsure of himself.

"Are you kidding me? I'd love to see where you grew up" he exclaimed, punching his dad lightly on his shoulder.

"I just have to make a quick stop to pick up the pizzas I ordered before we left Seattle" he explained as he stopped in front of the pizzeria. Tristan and Abbey were ecstatic because of the pizzas. Edward returned with the pizzas, running to get out of the pouring rain.

He started driving through the streets of Forks and before I knew it we were on the familiar road to his parents' house, and when he turned onto the hidden gravel road, my heart jumped into my throat. I haven't been here in years…there was so many memories here.

As we drove up the driveway, my eyes caught the three story mansion. Windows everywhere I looked…remembering how Esme always explained how she loved her house to be open and full of light. When Carlisle and Esme bought this piece of land, they specifically asked the architect to design a house consisting mostly of windows – seeing as Forks was dark and grey enough with the constant rainy and cloudy days.

"Whoa" Abbey and Tristan said at the same time.

"You lived here?" Abbey asked in awe.

Edward chuckled in amusement. He parked the car in front of the garage before he turned to face Abbey.

"Yeah, I actually grew up here" he said.

"I can't wait to see the inside" Tristan said, still wide-eyed and in wonder.

"Let's go then" Edward said just as excited.

I climbed out of the car and stared up at the huge mansion. I always envied Edward for having such an amazing house to grow up in, but when I've gotten to know the people inside the house, I've realized that they had just as many flaws as Charlie and I had. That even though my house was small with only two bedrooms, Charlie and I was close and our home was filled with love and respect.

Carlisle and Esme were constantly fighting about the stupidest shit. Edward was always pissed at his mother for giving his dad so much shit. Plus, Edward always felt like shit when they fought in front of us because he was very proud and was ashamed that his family was so full of shit.

That's when I realized that a big fucking mansion couldn't make people happy or feel loved. I remembered how I went home – after this realization – and hugged my father tightly and told him how much I loved and respected him.

Tristan and Abbey were jumping around in excitement when we entered the house. The first floor consisted of the living room, dining room, kitchen and Carlisle's study. The living room and dining room were open-plan and the shiny black piano was still in the corner of the 'entrance' where Edward had played numerous times for Esme's guests. The entrance of the kitchen was on the other side of the house where it also led to the backyard, but not before you entered a huge room with an indoor swimming pool, Jacuzzi, pool table and a huge bar. I remembered how much fun we used to have in this entertainment room.

The second floor had three bedrooms; Carlisle and Esme's room, Alice's room and a guest room – each with their own en-suite bathroom. The third floor had two bedrooms and a huge room which they renovated into a music room for Edward, Alice and Emmett.

Edward showed everybody to their rooms; I was taking Esme's room, Abbey was taking Alice's room and Tristan was taking Emmett's room. Obviously, Edward would be in his own room.

"How is this place still clean and fully stocked?" I asked Edward after we settled in. Edward and I were in the kitchen and it was when he had opened the fridge that I gasped and asked him the question.

"Well, mom has a housekeeper and a gardener that comes in once a week" he explained. "I asked Emily – the housekeeper – to stock the fridge. I knew we would arrive late"

"Okay" I said and we were suddenly surrounded by awkwardness.

"Mom" Tristan came running into the kitchen with Abbey short on his heels. "Dad told me that he had a tree house and that it's in the backyard"

I laughed.

"Yeah, and it's pretty awesome" I chuckled.

"You've seen it?" he asked.

"When I was little, I used to play there all the time" I told him.

"You never told me that you and dad grew up together" he said wide-eyed.

"It never came up"

"Dad, can we please see the tree house?" Tristan asked Edward. Edward had a weird smile plastered on his face when I caught his eyes. His hands were tucked into his hoodie pockets as he kept staring at me. I lowered my eyes, breaking the spell between us.

"It's pouring outside, Tris, and it's already dark. I'll show you in the morning, okay?" Edward said.

"Okay" he sighed in defeat.

I grabbed some plates from the cupboard – still remembering where Esme kept them. Edward poured the drinks while I dished up for Tristan and Abbey. Edward and I helped ourselves before all of us took our seats in the dining room. We ate in silence, well, Edward and I ate in silence. Tristan and Abbey couldn't stop blabbering about the tree house and the awesome swimming pool. I caught Edward's eyes on me a couple of times and it made me uncomfortable and wanted at the same time. Fuck, I was crazy. A mental fucking loon.

After we finished our pizza, Tristan and Abbey grabbed the glasses and disappeared into the kitchen with them. Edward helped me with the plates and the left-over pizza.

"Mommy, can we pick out a movie to watch?" Abbey asked, batting her eyelashes at me. I smiled at her stunt.

"On one condition" I held my index finger up. Abbey looked warily at the finger, biting her bottom lip.

"What's the condition?" she asked slowly.

"I want you and Tristan to take a bath first" I said seriously. Abbey started moaning, but Tristan grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the kitchen. "But, Trissie, you know how much I hate to bath" I heard her complain until they were too far away to hear more.

Edward and I laughed softly before we fell into an awkward silence. I took a seat on the island that was situated in the middle of the kitchen. The cold granite made me flinch until my body warmed it.

"Can I ask you something?" he suddenly asked

"Depends on the question?"

"Were you in love with Abbey's father?" he asked and blew me away. My eyes locked on his. He waited in anticipation, but there were also shadows of fear and anxiety crisscrossing each other.

"No!" I said a bit harshly.

"I don't understand, Bella" Edward sighed in exasperation, rubbing his forehead harshly.

"I don't want to talk about this" I said, feeling my lips quivering as a sob started building in my throat.

"There was something else I wanted to know" he said.

"What?" I asked rudely.

"Does Tristan have my name?" he asked nervously.

I gasped.

"No" I said softly. I dropped my eyes to the floor away from his peering eyes. "He is Tristan Swan"

"So, even after you deprived me my son, you refused to give him my name, too?" he accused.

"Edward, you didn't want me, remember? My son-"

"Our son" he corrected me.

"Our son was born a Swan because a Cullen chose a music career above everything else" I said infuriated.

"I didn't know about him" he hissed.

"You would have chosen me if you had known I was pregnant?" I spat, my voice dripped with sarcasm. "That's just peachy and so fucking kind of you"

"Dammit, Bella" he raked his fingers through his hair. "I came back to the hotel with a fucking engagement ring…I was going to ask you to marry me" he yelled, slamming his hand on the hard granite of the island that I was sitting on. I jump as the sound startled me and echoed through the kitchen.

"No, you're lying" I gasped, my heart sprinting away.

"No, I'm not" his jaw was clenched, the muscle underneath his eye twitched, his eyes turned dark and his lips was pierced into a narrow line. He was angry…that much was clear.

"Why would I believe you? How can I be sure that you're not only saying that?"

"Because it's the fucking truth. I'll show you the fucking receipt, which has a date on" he grimaced, "and, yes, I've kept the ring and the fucking receipt"

"No, no, no" I shook my head.

"I begged you to stay so we could talk, Bella, but you left because I didn't fall onto my knees straight away. You were selfish and so fucking wrong in everything you demanded that day, Bella" he lashed out. "You destroyed our lives, Bella. **You** did that, not me, you"

A sob escaped my mouth as tears pooled in my eyes and flowed down my cheeks.

"I know I was wrong in a lot of things I said that day, but I begged you, I fucking pleaded with you to wait before you make any final decisions. You should have waited" he accused before he stormed out of the kitchen.

He left me there crying softly. My heart was crushed at the realization that I've fucked up. I have destroyed Edward's life – throwing him into the life of drug and alcohol abuse. I have destroyed my own life – raising Tristan on my own, the rape, Abbey…

I have done that to myself. I had no one else to blame but myself. I've caused my own heartache, misery and anguish. I've robbed my son of a life with his father because I was too fucking selfish and stubborn to hear Edward out.

"Mommy" Abbey said softly. I looked down where she was pulling on my jeans. "Please don't cry" she begged with a wobbling chin and quivering lips.

I picked her up and pulled her to my chest, kissing her head a couple of times while I composed myself.

"I'm sorry, baby" I apologized.

"Why are you sad?" she asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know, baby, but I'm feeling better now that you are here" I smiled.

She wrapped her tiny arms around my neck and hugged me fiercely. Holding my daughter in my arms, I couldn't come to regret her. She and Tristan were my life – Abbey was the good that came from leaving Edward. I know that sounded weird or fucked-up even, but I couldn't regret my daughter. She was the light in my life, even though I could have spared myself a lot of misery and pain by not leaving Edward, I couldn't regret my daughter. _**Never!**_

_**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoO**_

_**When I first started this story – with just a few scenes playing off in my mind – I wrote a few scenes/chapters that I wanted in the story. That's how I always start a story; write a few basic scenes and then I work from there. I'm not changing anything because those plots made me write the story. Like I said before; Carlisle's illness and Bella's wedding was two of those things that I wanted in this story. Yeah, I know a few of you are going to hate Bella – some of you already does – and some of you are going to stop reading this story altogether. I promise, however, if you stick with me and BD, I'll give you a HEA! But not before a few more angsty moments and before shit hits the fan *grins*.**_

_**If you decide to stop reading, I'll understand. I know this a long story and seem to be dragged out, but there's so much shit to cover – I actually never thought about that when I started this story. I hate when I read a story and the plot is amazing and everything, but then the story is so rushed that it fucks up everything. I'm sorry if some of you are not satisfied with the pace, but I can't just rush into certain things.**_

_**One thing that I do regret, though, was bringing in different POV's. This was actually an Edward's POV story, but – why I wouldn't know – I decided to do it in both of their POV's. I should have stuck with only Edward's POV…maybe the story wouldn't have dragged…I don't know. Now, I'm trying to cover both of their POV's so you won't miss anything.**_

_**Anyway, what did you think about this chapter…I know, I know, it was a bit boring. It was a bit of a filler chapter. I'm not even going to ask you what you think about Bella and her crazy mind…You hate her, I know. LOL.**_

_**There's a surprise in the next chapter…and I'm pretty sure that you're going to hate me. But, good news, we're almost at the reconciliation; it's not going to be easy for Edward to get to that point though. You'll see why soon enough. I actually can't wait to get to that chapter, to hear your emotions and thoughts. *Grins evilly***_

_**Do you guys think that at least fifty percent of you can review this chapter? The next chapter is written…and I'll post it if you're nice…pwetty pleasseeeeeeeeeeeee!**_


	17. Chapter 16 A fucked up turn of events

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_Lyrics in this chapter belongs to:_

_Iris – Goo Goo Dolls_

_Forever and always (Bullet for my Valentine)_

_Kaleidoscope eyes – Panic! At the disco_

_**This reader is totally right about Bella's relationship with Jake – "And Bella is just totally confused and I think that she just want something to stay the same with all the chaos in her life. And Jake is a safe option" HelenaBates2907. You summed that up perfectly. I know some of you don't understand Bella's obsession with Jake, but all in good time.**_

_**Then a guest reviewer reviewed about my author's note on the previous chapter. I'm sorry about spoiling the ending for you. I was so concerned about other readers who had concerns about Bella's wedding that I never even stopped to think about the readers that don't want to know about the ending and would like to be surprised. My apologies about that. From now on, I will not say anything about the story; if you have a question, ask me in a review and I'll PM you. I hope that this guest reviewer will continue with the story **___

_**Thank you for all the reviews I've received on the previous chapter. Please keep it up and I'll post more frequently. Welcome to all the new readers. Thank you for all the recommendations and adding this story to your communities.**_

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

Chapter Sixteen – A fucked up turn of events

_**And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming**_

_**Or the moment of truth in your lies**_

_**When everything feels like the movies**_

_**Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive**_

_**(Iris – Goo Goo Dolls)**_

**EPOV**

"Fuck" I yelled when I took a seat at the bar in the entertainment room. I was fucking livid – not only at Bella, but at myself as well.

I have lost my temper, again. I was trying, fuck, I was trying my damn hardest to control my anger around Bella, but she made it so fucking hard with her constant rollercoaster of emotions. One moment she's civil towards me, even laughing, the next she's angry and cold, treating me like shit.

Learning that my son is a Swan broke my heart all over again. She couldn't even have given him my name…after everything she took from me; she couldn't even have tried to make up for it by giving him my name.

"Dad?" Tristan's voice was unsure behind me. I quickly turned around and my heart softened instantly.

"Hey, Tris, what's up?" I smiled. I stretched my hand out towards him and motioned for him to come closer. He tugged on his hair while he approached me slowly. I smiled. That sure as hell was a bad trade that he had gotten from me. He'd be bold before he turned thirty.

"Did you and mom have a fight?" he asked sadly.

"More of a misunderstanding" I sighed. I helped him onto one of the barstools and took a seat next to him.

"She's crying, you know?"

"I'm sorry, buddy, I just…" I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I am a little frustrated and I took it out on her, I'm sorry"

"Is it true that you chose your band over mom?" he asked. That question caught me off guard and it felt like someone had punched me in my stomach, leaving me breathless. I gasped. That fucker, Jake, he was going to pay for this. My heart constricted in pain; the fear of Tristan hating me for what I've done clawed my chest, making it impossible for me to even breathe, let alone speak.

"Tristan-" I started saying, but he held his tiny hand up and looked at me with sad eyes.

"Just don't lie to me, please, dad, I've had enough of lies. I just want to know the truth" he pleaded.

"Your mom made an ultimatum ten years ago" I started telling him what had happened between Bella and me ten years ago. I had done all of this with my heart in my throat and fear running through my veins. I would die if my son hated me for what I've done.

"You chose the band?" he asked incredulously, as if he hadn't believed a word Jacob had said earlier.

"Technically, yes. I was young, naïve and very stupid" I whispered.

"You didn't know that mom was pregnant with me, right?" he asked.

My eyes widened in shock. "Tristan, I swear to you that I had no clue. I don't even think that your mom knew when she left me" I explained. I waited a few minutes, blew out a long breath and asked him the question I feared the most. "Can you forgive me?"

"Yeah, I forgive you" he smiled sadly. "I just wish that mom could do the same"

"Me too, buddy, me too" I sighed in relief. I had tears swimming in my eyes from the actual relief I felt from his forgiveness. "Would you like a soda?" I asked as I rounded the bar and opened the fridge. I scanned the contents before I turned to look at him for an answer.

"Can I have a coke?" he asked with hopeful eyes. I had a feeling that he wasn't allowed to drink coke, but Bella never said anything to me, so I grabbed two cans of coke and opened one for him. He thanked me before he took big gulps. I returned to my seat next to my son, and opened my own can of coke.

"I don't want her to marry Jake" he suddenly said with tears pooling in his eyes. My heart jumped to my throat at the heartache in his eyes.

I swallowed hard, "Don't you like him?" I asked, playing with the cold can.

"He's an okay guy, I guess, I just don't want him to be my father" Tristan explained.

"Tris" I swiftly turned to him and cupped the back of his hand that was resting on the bar-counter. "No matter who your mom marries, I'll always be your dad…your **only** dad" I said. "No one's going to replace me"

"But I won't be living with you" he complained, "I wanna live with you **and **mom. Can't you just work things out?" he asked with a trembling voice.

I covered my mouth with my free hand and blocked the sob that was about to escape. I couldn't stand to see my son so unhappy, so heartbreakingly sad.

"It's not that simple, Tris. A lot has happened" I tried to explain. I wanted to tell him that I loved his mother so fucking much that it actually hurts just to fucking breathe. I wanted to tell him that I would fight until the day I die for her love. I wanted to tell him that I was working on getting Bella back. But, I couldn't. I couldn't give him false hope. It would have just crushed him further if things hadn't worked out the way I had planned.

Bella was calling Tristan, so he excused himself and ran back into the kitchen.

I felt like killing Jacob for what he had said. I was also still pissed at Bella. Her attitude towards me was unwelcome. Even though I understood why she hated me so much, she could at least have tried to be more civil towards me. I also didn't understand what the fuck was going on inside her mind. One moment she was fucking kissing me while the next she wanted to kill me. Her fucking mood swings were giving me whiplash, and I was growing annoyed with the entire situation.

I know I've said that I was going to stay calm and eat up all of her shit to prove to her how much I fucking loved her, but one can only take so much shit. I'm not her fucking punching bag.

"Prince Charming" Abbey yelled as she ran into the room. My lips curved up into a smile as I caught her and picked her up. Tristan was right behind her and also had a smile on his face. He looked content as he looked at his sister in my arms. It was very clear that he loved his sister more than anything in this world. I was so proud of him.

"Hey there pretty little Princess" I cooed while placing kisses all over her face. She giggled and squirmed in my arms.

"Mommy said that it's late and we should go to bed" she pouted, "She promised that I can watch my movie in the morning"

"Well, your mommy's right, Princess, it is a bit late" I chuckled.

"Goodnight, Edward, I love you" she suddenly said as her tiny arms wrapped around my neck fiercely.

My eyes had widened for a second before they stung with unshed tears. "I love you, too, Princess" I said with my heart in my throat. "Sweet dreams" I whispered. She wiggled out of my arms and ran out of the room again.

"I've never seen her like this with anyone besides mom, Dad, not even with Jake. She truly loves you" Tristan said when Abbey disappeared out of sight.

"She sure is something special" I chuckled.

"I have to get to bed," he sighed.

I crouched down and he walked into my arms willingly. I hugged him tightly.

"I love you so much, don't ever doubt that" I whispered and ruffled his hair.

"I love you, too, Dad. Goodnight" he smiled shyly.

"Hey, Tris" I called him back just as he was about to reach the door of the entertainment room. He turned to look at me, waiting patiently for me to finish what I wanted to say. "Would you mind if I woke you up early tomorrow morning?" I asked skeptically.

"I'm not even going to ask why because I know you won't tell me" he laughed. "I'll be waiting, dad" he gave me his permission. He waved as he walked out the door.

I sighed. With Tristan and Abbey's presence gone, my soul felt empty.

I decided to get into the Jacuzzi and since my children went to bed already, and I figured that Bella wouldn't have wanted to see me after my outburst, I took my clothes off then and there – wearing only my boxer briefs. I went around the bar, and grabbed a couple of beers before I headed for the Jacuzzi.

Steam rose from the water and the bubbles made me antsy to get my butt into the water. I climbed in and literally sighed in relaxation as the water bubbled around me. I turned around and opened one of the beers, taking a long sip before I groaned as the taste filled my mouth. I don't drink so much anymore, but I still love beer, especially when it was ice-cold.

I felt relaxed as the hot water soothed my muscles. I closed my eyes for a second, leaning my head against the headrests that was specially designed for the Jacuzzi. Images of Bella straddling me on that piano bench kept playing of in front of me. She had felt so fucking good against my body…too fucking good. Her rejection killed me. Her denial crushed my heart into a million pieces. I remembered her eyes – cold, hard eyes – when she told me that she didn't love me anymore.

A noise at the bar brought me out of my reverie, and when I opened my eyes I saw Bella at the sound system. She hadn't noticed me at all, and I wondered if she even knew I was in here. I gulped. She turned the system on and turned the volume up. I recognized the band immediately as it was one of my favorites; _Bullet for my Valentine._

She turned around, wearing a black robe, and started walking towards the Jacuzzi. She froze in her steps when she locked eyes with mine.

"I'm…s-s-orry. I had no idea…" she stuttered. "I mean, I had no idea you were still in here. When I peeked into the room, I saw that it was empty and decided that I wanted to relax in the Jacuzzi" she said.

"You can still relax, Bella, I won't fucking bite you" I said in annoyance. She was acting as if I was had some kind of fucking virus, or a disease.

"I don't think that's such a good idea" she looked away from me.

"Afraid that you'll realize you were spewing shit the other day" I chuckled sarcastically.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"The fact that you lied about your love for me" I cocked an eyebrow at her, challenging her.

She glared at me while she untied her robe. She slipped the robe from her shoulders and the black material dropped to the floor, surrounding her feet. My eyes were locked at her feet, which stepped away from the robe that was covering her feet. My eyes scanned up her endlessly long legs. My eyes bulged out of their sockets when they landed on the midnight blue bikini, covering her most private parts. Fuck! My cock twitched immediately, seeking some much needed attention. Fuck, she was beautiful – curvier from the pregnancies, but still as sexy as ever. Her hips were fuller and her breasts were much bigger, but not too big.

Her hips swayed as she walked to the Jacuzzi, placing one foot onto the step before she swung the other one in. Her ass, fuck me, her ass was as sexy as I remembered it. It made my hands itched to wrap them around her ass cheeks and pull her onto my body.

_**These days are dead again**_

_**It's empty from the start**_

_**And it drives me crazy!**_

_**The hours drift away**_

_**It hurts to remember**_

_**(Forever and Always – Bullet for my Valentine)**_

"I'm going to kill Rosalie" she mutters more to herself than to me. I chuckled softly, thanking Rosalie silently, as I figured that she must've slipped the bikini into Bella's suitcase. Bella, from what I remembered, hated bikinis. Why, I had no fucking idea because she had and still have the most fuck awesome body on this planet. She took my breath away.

"Edward, I'm sorry about earlier" she whispered softly. Her eyes displayed true remorse and I found myself forgiving her instantly. Why was it so easy for me to forgive her, but she had the hardest fucking time to forgive me?

"Don't worry about it. I'm sorry, too. I've said some unforgivable things back there-"

"No, you were absolutely right. I've destroyed our relationship because I was selfish in my own needs. I should have given you time, you know, about the whole marriage-thing. I've ruined your life…and mine" she whispered the last words.

I slowly made my way towards her, and it wasn't until I was standing in front of her that she noticed me. Her eyes locked with mine for a second before she lowered them. A deep gasp escaped her lips when her eyes landed on the tattoo on my chest. Her hand rose slowly out of the warm water and as her fingers connected with my skin, I groaned. Her touch was scorching my flesh, sending fire through my veins and caused my heart to light the fuck up. My eyes slid closed slowly as her fingers traced the swan on my chest.

"When?" she asked simply, her voice trembling a little.

"The day I came out of rehab" I answered hoarsely. I opened my eyes slowly to look at her. Her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth, her cheeks were flushed with the most beautiful pink and her eyes were shiny.

I had a swan tattooed on my chest with a golden chain around its neck that held a golden heart-locket that was locked over the swan's heart. At the swan's feet was a red rose where a key – shaped in a B – was situated in the center of the rose. The B wasn't easily visible unless you really looked closely.

"What does it mean?" she asked, letting go of lip for a second before she pulled it back into her mouth again.

"The swan" my voice was rough so I cleared my throat before I spoke again. "The swan is you, Bella. I wanted something that reminded me of you without putting a name on me. The locked heart represents my heart" I whispered. "Do you see the key?" I asked.

Her fingers traced the tattoo and I watched as she carefully looked for the key. Her fingers traced the rose and when I heard a gasp escape her lips, I knew she found it. She nodded without saying anything.

"The key is shaped into a B – for Bella – and that key is the only key that'll open the locked heart. The red rose represents my love for you and the golden chain around the swan's neck means that my heart is bound to you in every way possible…even though – at the time – I thought you didn't want me, I was yours" I explained.

"But you were engaged to Tanya" she slowly raised her eyes to meet mine.

"Like I told you before, there was a time that I've found that hating you was easier than loving you. My hate blinded me, Bella, and I was so fucking lonely"

"Why did you keep the tattoo?" she asked.

I chuckled without any humor. "There was a time that I actually wanted to remove it-"

"Why didn't you?" she interrupted me. Was that hurt I heard in her voice?

"I think that my heart knew the truth even though my head didn't. My heart always longed for you"

Her eyes were wary and scared, but there was also awe hidden in there.

"Why are you so afraid of me?" I asked sadly.

"Because you make me uncomfortable" she said simply.

"It's because you still love me, Bella"

"No, it's not. Edward, I've told you this before, the only thing I feel when I'm around you is lust. Pure and unadulterated lust" she said, looking straight into my eyes. There was nothing but emptiness inside them. I had known Bella almost all my life, and I could always tell when she was lying or not, but, not anymore. When she had told me that she did not love me – was it not for the way she kissed me – it was very believable. Just like now…her eyes had a weird shine to them and I had a hard time deciphering what the fuck she was hiding behind the fucking emptiness.

"Lust?" I spat. "You want me in your pants, Bella? Is that what you want?" I hissed as I wrapped my fingers around her shoulders – gently so that I wouldn't hurt her. Her eyes widened as I pushed up against her, my hard as fuck dick pushed against her clothed core. I felt her heat rub off on my dick even with the hot water swirling around us.

"If it's lust that draws you so fucking close to me then you wouldn't mind…" I trailed my one hand down her flat stomach while the other one was cupping her ass. "…if I did this" my voice was raspy from the overwhelming passion that built inside of me. I trailed my fingers over the elastic band of her bikini bottom. I hooked my index finger under the band, eliciting goose bumps on her flesh. I looked into her eyes and the lust she was talking about was easily visible as it dilated her brown into golden. "I bet my fucking life that you are already soaking wet, Bella. I remember how a single touch from me could turn your pussy into a flowing river…" I whispered seductively before I lowered my head and started kissing her chest.

I could feel her racing heart pounding against my lips as I kissed her chest. The mewling sounds escaping her lips cheered me on, which led to my tongue trailing along the edge of her bikini top. I dipped my hand into her bikini bottoms, but her hand gripped my wrist.

"No, Edward, this is wrong" she said huskily before she pulled my hand from under her bikini bottom. She moved away from me after she struggled for a few minutes, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Why is it so wrong, Bella? I know you love me, I fucking know it. You can't lie to me" I yelled, throwing my hands into the air before I jabbed them into my hair and tugged hard out of frustration.

"I'm an engaged woman" she spat.

"So, call the fucker and tell him it's over because you and me belong together" I chuckled.

"Can you just fucking stop with all of this shit?" she yelled. "I've had it with the games you're playing, Edward" she yelled. "You say that you love me, right?" she asked and I nodded.

"I'll fucking die for you" I said.

"Well then back the fuck off. If you love me so fucking much then you would stop harassing me, Edward. I've made it clear that I'm an engaged woman and that I don't return your feelings. You say that you want to win my heart back, but all I've seen are you trying to get into my pants. You're such a fucking guy, Edward" she threw her hands into the air.

"Bella," I said slowly, closing my eyes. "I have been nothing but patient and civil towards you. I'm not interested in your pussy, Love, I'm interested in your heart. I can't help but feel aroused and passionate when I'm around you because I fucking love you so damn much. I want to show you just how much I love you" I hissed out.

"I've taken every fucking punch you threw at me, even when I hadn't deserved it, but I'm not your fucking punching bag. I love you dammit; I fucking love you, Bella. Why can't you see that?"

"I do see it, Edward, you're just too late" she said with empty, dull eyes.

"Fuck, Bella, what the fuck happened to you? Where's the caring, loving, forgiving Bella that I love so fucking much? Why are you so cold?" I yelled. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward me with so much force that she fell against my chest, pressing her palms flatly against me. She slowly looked up, but before she could say anything, my lips locked with hers. I kissed her, but something felt off. My lips moved around hers and it was then that I realized that Bella wasn't kissing me back. Her lips were held shut and perfectly still. When I finally came to my senses and pulled away from her, she laughed softly.

"Believe me now?" she asked as she climbed out of the Jacuzzi.

"I believe that you're putting on an act, Love" I said with my heart in my throat. Bella have always reacted to my kisses; I was actually kind off worried right now. Maybe her love for me was really dead…my heart bled out at that thought.

"Believe what you want, Edward. You're the father of my son and we'll always have a connection through Tristan, but that's where it stops" she bends to pick her robe up. "The best you can hope for is my friendship" she put the robe on and tied it to the front, "and you're really walking a fine line at that" she spat before she turned to leave.

"If you love Jacob so damn much, why do you keep kissing me back? Why didn't you stop before?" I yelled back, fueled with anger.

She turned back around and her face was red from anger.

"What part of my lips not moving did you not understand, Edward? Yeah, I fucking kissed you before because I still have a physical attraction towards you, but there's no fucking love there. You were always so fucking good in bed" she shrugged, "I guess I will always miss that. No one really knows my body the way you do" she explained without so much as a fucking smile. She had no expression on her face or in her eyes, except for the fury burning in her eyes.

"Bella, no-" I whispered in anguish.

"Yes! Edward, for fuck sakes, I can't do this anymore. You've had your chance ten years ago…" she yelled and held her hands up when I was about to open my mouth. "I know you're fucking sorry…I've heard it all. I've moved on, Edward, maybe you should do the same"

"Never!" I hissed.

"That's your decision. Mine is to marry Jake" she sighed. "I'll never keep you away from Tristan, but I'm this close" she held her index finger and thumb an inch apart, "from pulling myself out of the picture. I can't see you anymore if this happen every time we're in each other's company. Maybe that'll be for the best" she hissed in anger. "I won't cheat on Jake…again"

I chuckled without any humor.

"You're in denial, Love. I know that you love me. Love like ours don't just die or go away-"

"You're right" she settled, "that's why it took me ten years to get to this point. Jake loves me and puts me first in every decision he makes"

"Bella-"

"I'm going to Charlie's tomorrow. You can spend the day with Tristan without any interference from either me or Abbey" she interrupted me.

"Bella, please, if you don't want to be here, fine! But, please let Abbey stay with us. I promise to take good care of her" I swallowed painfully at the thought of Bella taking her with to Charlie's tomorrow. "Please, Bella" I begged.

"Why is Abbey so important to you? She's not your daughter, Edward, you don't have to spend time with her"

"I know that, but I like spending time with her, Bella" I said hurt.

"Okay, she can stay" she sighed.

"Thank you, Bella" I sighed in relief. "I'm sorry about what happened tonight. I give you my word that it won't happen again" I swore. I found myself that I had meant it, too. I wouldn't touch her again unless she wanted me too. Everything she had just said struck a chord and made me feel like a real piece of shit. The fear of losing Bella, again, was enough to cripple me.

"Goodnight, Edward" she said with a stiff nod.

"Night, Bella" I whispered softly as she was already out of the room.

_**When your chips are down, and your drinks are all gone**_

_**I'll still be here, wishing and waiting for you to come home**_

_**Kaleidoscope eyes, sparkle at the world**_

_**My emerald city, downtown girl**_

_**In the sickness of you, I'm just a white blood cell**_

_**Fighting like hell for you**_

_**(Kaleidoscope Eyes – Panic! At the disco)**_

"Tristan" I whispered softly as I was lightly shaking his sleeping body. "Tristan, wake up, buddy" I urged again.

His sleeping eyes cracked open with a moan. He stared at me a little disoriented before he closed his eyes again, mumbling something about tired and early. I chuckled and whispered that I wanted to show him something. He flew out of bed at my words and started jumping up and down.

"What? What do you wanna show me?" he jumped up and down.

I laughed softly as I looked at my son. Fuck, I loved him so damn much. He was my whole life…even if I had lost Bella; Tristan would always be by my side and would make life worth living.

"Dad, come on" he complained and stomped his foot, "You're seriously killing me here"

"You have to dress a little warmer, Tris, it's really cold outside and it's still raining" I chuckled at his eagerness when he started going through his clothes and pulled on some warm clothes with snow boots and a really warm coat. I handed him some gloves and a beanie.

"Are we good?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're good" I chuckled.

I took his hand and slowly made our way down the stairs – I showed him to be quiet and not to wake his mom and sister up. I grabbed the basket that I had prepared before I woke Tristan up – filled with a flask of hot chocolate, mugs, muffins, and cookies.

I wanted to show my son the tree house he so eagerly wanted to see last night. I wanted to experience this with him and only him.

My tree house wasn't just any ordinary tree house – Esme never did something plain or ordinary. The tree house was built in a big tree with lots of thick branches. It actually looked like a fucking mansion – Emmett and I had to hold Esme back because she wanted to renovate the inside. We begged her to back off because we weren't pussy's, we were boys who wanted a hideout when we played. We wanted a place where we could hide in when things between Esme and Carlisle became too much.

The only thing we allowed Esme to do in our tree house was to create some sort of music room. Of course, my piano couldn't fit in there, but there was a guitar where Emmett and I had written numerous of good songs.

The tree house had a lookout point at the top of the tree and different kinds of gadgets to get up and down. There was a Tarzan-rope – I wouldn't let Tristan use that one -, a rope than hung down with giants knots a few inches apart that worked almost like a ladder, a rope ladder and a wooden ladder that was nailed to the tree that led to the inside of the tree house.

Bella and I had spent numerous of times in this tree house; at first playing pirates or some army game. But, when we grew older it became a place where we would fool around. This was the place where we tried out most of our sexual stuff. I smiled when I remembered how many times we dry humped in that place. Today it seemed ridiculous that we did that, but back then it was the shit. Dry humping was where it had started and the both of us experienced our very first orgasm. We were fourteen years old and I remembered how it scared the shit out of us. We had no idea what the fuck was happening to our bodies – yes, we were very innocent and so fucking ignorant about sex.

I took it upon myself to learn a little bit more – Bella only had Charlie and there was no fucking way that I would let her ask the Chief of police about sex – so I asked my big brother, Emmett, about sex. After he laughed for an hour, he explained everything to me. That's when Bella and I started experiencing a little more. It took us two years – from the first time we dry humped – to get to the point where we felt that we wanted to give ourselves to one another. We loved each other so fucking much and the first time – which not happened in the tree house – was really something special. It brought tears to my eyes being connected to Bella in such an intimate way.

"Whoa" Tristan exclaimed. "Dad, that's just…wow" he said excitedly as he took the tree house in. I smiled warmly.

"I knew you would, buddy, that's why I brought you here" I chuckled. It was still dark out, but the backyard spot lights lit the yard up and made it look like a sunny day.

As we made our way across the lawn, Tristan's grip on my hand tightened. His excitement was contagious as I felt my own heartbeat accelerate. I haven't been in that tree house for over thirteen years now.

Tristan climbed the wooden steps that led to the inside of the first floor. I struggled climbing with the basket I held in my hands, but I finally made it up. Tristan laughed as I had to walk on my knees – I was just too tall for the tree house.

We climbed some more steps until we reached the top – the lookout point. Esme made sure that the tree house was kept in perfect condition. Every year she would hire someone that would replace the wood and secure the tree house again. Safety came first – always.

We sat down at the lookout point and I unpacked the basket filled with goodies. The steaming hot chocolate went down perfectly as we sat in silence for a few minutes. Tristan was in awe and the expression on his face will stay with me until the day I die. Words were not needed to tell me how he was feeling. His face, eyes and smile told me everything I needed to know.

We had a perfect view of the mountains and the river. It was beautiful, even though it was still drizzling.

"Dad, this is so awesome" Tristan finally said as I filled our mugs with more hot chocolate. He took a chocolate chip muffin.

"It's pretty cool" I agreed with a chuckle.

"I wish I had a tree house, but with us living in an apartment I don't even have a yard" he said sadly.

"I'll tell you what" I bumped his shoulder lightly; "When I buy my house I'll hire someone to build you a tree house just the way you want it. That way, you'll have your own tree house whenever you visit me" I tried to sound excited, but inside I was broken. In less than three weeks Bella would be married to that fucker, Jake, if I wouldn't be able to change her mind. My children would be living with some other guy while I'll get to see them every other weekend. It pissed me off.

"That'll be awesome" he said with a mouthful of chocolate chip muffin. "Would I be able to visit you, though?" he asked. His voice was uncertain.

I chuckled, "You shouldn't speak with your mouth full, buddy" I ruffled his hair.

"Sorry, I'm just so excited" he swallowed before he spoke.

"It's okay, I understand" I smiled. "And, yes, you would be able to come and visit me. Both you and Abbey will come to my house"

"Abbey?" he asked astounded.

"Yes, Abbey, too" I nodded. "I know I'm not her dad, Tris, but she has crawled into my heart and I really love her, too. If it's okay with your mom and you, I'd like to spend some time with her as well" I explained.

"Wow, dad, you are so awesome. Abbey would love that"

"Did you know Abbey's dad?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't trying to pry; I just wanted to know what he was like and if he treated Bella with respect.

"No, I don't. I remember seeing him once, but it was so long ago that I don't even remember what he looked like. Jake reminds me of him, though. I remember how mom cried night after night. I was only four years old, but the memory of my mother crying still haunts me. I also remember that her stomach got bigger and bigger and when I asked her about it, she told me that there was a baby growing inside. I also remember how Abbey kicked for the first time when I placed my hand on mom's tummy" he answered me with more than I actually thought he would.

"Why was Bella crying so much?" I couldn't help the question that escaped my lips.

"I heard her and Rosie talking 'bout Sam – Abbey's father – and how he hurt mom" he smiled sadly. "I had no idea what they were talking about. Mom still cries a lot, especially when she listens to your CD's. It breaks my heart to hear her cries, dad" he whispered.

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer to my body.

"I wish I could take all her pain away, Tris. I know that a lot of that hurt was inflicted by me and I'll probably never forgive myself, but if I could go back in time, I would do it in a heartbeat. Letting your mother go was the biggest mistake I've ever made; it not only caused me to lose the love of my life, but also to lose ten years of your life"

"I'm only nine, Dad" he chuckled.

I ruffled his hair again, "I know that, buddy, but I was talking about the time you spent in your mom's tummy, too. I would have loved to have experienced that more than anything on this planet" I chuckled.

"Dad, you should stop hating yourself. I would have loved to have you in my life from the very start, but I've forgiven you. I was angry at first, at both you and mom, but I've come to the realization that I'm only nine years old and that I don't really understand what you guys went through. I know the basics, but the feelings you experienced is unknown. I can't judge either you or mom…although I think the both of you made some silly mistakes" he stated. My eyes widened at his speech; was he really nine years old? My love for my son grew even more and I felt so very proud of him.

"My only wish now is that you and mom will sort through your differences and get back together. But, I think that wish is a bit farfetched. Mom is marrying Jake in a few weeks and honestly, I can't see the light" he sighed as he looked into my eyes, "Sorry, dad" he shrugged.

I pulled him into my arms and hugged him fiercely.

"Don't worry about it, Tris. My only wish – apart from wanting your mom back – is for you to be happy, both you and Abbey. If I have your and Abbey's love, I have the whole world and don't need anything else. You fulfill me, Tristan, more than you know. I love you so much, buddy" I said into his bronze hair.

"I love you, too, Dad. Thank you for bringing me to your tree house and for sharing this with only me" he hugged me tightly, or as tightly as his little arms could.

"It's my pleasure. If I supervise, will you show your sister around? I don't think I'll be able to do this again" I laughed.

He giggled, punching my shoulder lightly. "Sure, sure, old man, I'll show the princess around" he teased.

"Old man, hey?" I widened my eyes and started tickling him. "I'll show you old" I growled teasingly as my fingers tickled his sides.

"Dad, stop…please" he chortled. He writhed and wiggled around as I continued my tickling-spree. "I'm s-s-sorry…you're not an old man..." he surrendered.

"Really? What am I then?" I still tickled him.

"You are the best dad in the whole wide world" he stuttered through laughter.

I laughed along and planted a kiss on his head.

As we made our way down the rope ladder, swinging from side to side, Tristan wanted to know the plans for the rest of the day. I told him that Bella wanted to spend the day with her father but she was leaving him and Abbey in my care for the day. He was ecstatic but a little sad that his mom wouldn't share in our time together.

Tristan was just above me as I climbed first because I was scared he would fall and hurt himself. I took my time climbing down – and just about pissed myself with every step Tristan took because I was afraid that he would fall down – and kept a close eye on my son.

"Since mom won't be here today, can we work on that CD that we wanted to surprise her with?" he asked when we finally made it down.

"Sure. That's actually perfect" I smiled.

We crossed the lawn in silence. Before we reached the door to the entertainment room, Tristan pulled me back and quickly wrapped his arms around me.

"Thanks again, Dad. You really are the best" he said. The emotions were strangling me and the sob that was building was suffocating me.

"It really was a pleasure, well…except for the fact that I had to walk on my knees, since I'm so old and stuff" I heard him snicker.

"But you're still the best old man ever!" he giggled.

"I love you" I smiled.

"Love you more"

"Would you help me make breakfast for the sleeping beauties?" I asked as we entered the kitchen.

"What did you have in mind?" he asked.

"Pancakes and bacon"

"Yessss" he made a fist pump in the air.

I chuckled as I grabbed a skillet and the ingredients for the pancakes. We worked together and I had to say that it was one of the best days of my life. Tristan found the stereo that mom had built into her kitchen – she loved music – and he pressed play. One of mom's old CD's were still in there and when '_I will survive'_ started playing, both Tristan and I burst out in laughter. Tristan jumped onto the island and started dancing, holding a wooden spoon in front of his mouth and started singing along.

I chuckled when he held the wooden spoon in front of me. I played air-guitar as I sang along.

"What's going on here?" a very disoriented Abbey asked before a yawn escaped her plumpy lips. Fuck, she looked so cute as she stood there in a princess nightgown, her hair took the form of a bird's nest and her eyes were all round and sparkly. Tristan and I chuckled as we took the sight in front of us in.

"Why are you laughing?" she stomped her foot.

I approached her, crouched down and picked her up.

"Morning, Princess. How did you sleep?" I asked as I placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Like a real Princess" she answered. "What are you guys doing?" she asked again.

"Well, we're sort of making you breakfast" I looked around the mess we made; flour on the counter tops and on the floor, flour in Tristan's hair and on his face – I'm pretty sure that I had flour all over as well. "But, we kind of got distracted with singing and playing" I explained. I was a fucking adult and for the first time in years, I felt like a kid again.

"Cool" Abbey clapped her hands, "Can I join you in the band?" she asked.

"Well…I should check with my band-mate over here seeing as we are only a dude-band" I winked at Tristan. "What do you say, dude, should we let this Princess into our band?' I asked.

"Well…"

"Please, Trissy, I'll be the best dude-princess…please, please pretty please" her eyes were all golden with excitement and her cheeks were flushed while waiting for Tristan's answer.

"Okay, I guess we could use one more dude in our band" he shrugged playfully.

I sat her down next to Tristan on the kitchen island and re-started the song. We danced and sang the hell out of that song, laughing and joking. I was in total bliss with my children by my side, but my heart missed one person – Bella. I wished that we could have shared this together.

"One more, please" Abbey pouted when the song ended.

"Princess, I would love to, but we have to finish this breakfast. We need to eat at some point" I chuckled a little out of breath.

I helped Abbey down after she agreed, rubbing her tummy. Tristan jumped down and helped me to clean the kitchen up. I started the pancakes – without making such a mess this time – while Tristan and Abbey set the table. We worked together and my soul was at peace with my family by my side.

I was busy frying the bacon when Bella appeared in the kitchen – already showered and dressed for the day.

"Morning" I smiled.

"Morning" she said softly.

Tristan and Abbey both hugged Bella and started telling her about our morning. Her eyes widened when they told her how they danced on the kitchen island, but seeing how happy they were, her eyes sparkled with happiness. She gave me a thankful look before she turned her attention back to her children. My heart soared at the sight of Bella.

I still couldn't understand how I lived ten years without this woman. I was a complete dick for treating her the way I had, causing me to not only lose her, but led to steering her into someone else's arms. The question on my heart was if I had lost Bella forever? Was there really no love left in her heart for me?

While we had our breakfast, Bella told Tristan and Abbey that she was spending the day with Charlie. They weren't happy and even though Tristan knew about Bella's plans, he tried to convince her to stay. She refused – no surprise there – and explained that she wanted them to have some alone-time with me.

After Bella left, I took them to my music room on the third floor. I wanted to have a picnic in the meadow, but seeing as it was still pouring outside; I decided to cancel that idea. Plus, I really wanted Bella to tag along because that place held some really, really special memories.

We were working on the CD that Abbey wanted to give Bella to help her sleep better and not feel so sad all the time. With Tristan's help, I made a collection of twenty of my songs and recorded them onto a CD. Yes, Esme had our own little recording studio built into our music room. I showed Tristan which buttons to push, and we made an acoustic album for her containing all her favorites – according to Tristan. This took a really long time and before we knew it, the day was gone.

Tristan, Abbey and myself were currently spending the last of the afternoon in the swimming pool. Not only was the swimming pool's water hot, but I also switched the indoor heating system on. I wouldn't want them to get cold and get sick.

We listened to music, had some snacks and danced some more. Sufficed to say, I haven't had that much fun in years. I found myself wanting this for the rest of my life. I wanted them with me forever, but sadly if I couldn't find a way to win back Bella's love, I would have to be happy with a weekend here and there. And I still haven't spoken to Bella about Abbey. I would like for Abbey to join Tristan when they come for weekends. I see Abbey as my daughter, even though we didn't share the same blood, I saw her as mine.

_**And I'd give up forever to touch you**_

_**'Cause I know that you feel me somehow**_

_**You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be**_

_**And I don't want to go home right now**_

_**(Iris – Goo Goo Dolls)**_

I just came from dropping my family off. I left with an emptiness I couldn't even begin to describe. My heart and soul stayed behind with Tristan and Abbey.

Bella was distant the entire weekend. I wanted to kick myself for the way I acted Friday night. I have, once again, fucked everything up. If I wasn't so persistent then maybe she would have spent the weekend with us. Sunday morning after breakfast she excused herself and spent the entire morning in the study where she read some books.

Tristan, Abbey and me spent the last morning playing in the tree house. Yes, you know it! I played with my kids in the tree house, even though I had to walk on my damn knees. We played pirates – Tristan being the captain and I was one of his ship-mates. Abbey was the princess who needed to be rescued. Tristan argued that pirates weren't rescuers, but thieves. That's when Abbey decided that she would be one of the ship-mates as well. My life was fulfilled spending time with my children. I couldn't lose them…I had to open Bella's eyes and make her see that she still loved me, I just had to.

As I entered Emmett's house, I heard laughter coming from the backyard. I threw my keys on the kitchen table and made my way to the back of the house. Rose, Emmett and Carlisle were sitting on the porch.

"Hey, bro" Emmett saw me first and gave me a brotherly hug. "How was your weekend?"

"Okay, I guess" I smiled. "Hey, Dad" I took a seat next to my father. "How are you feeling?" I asked.

He smiled, "I'm feeling better, but only because I try to take frequent naps"

"That's good" I said sadly because he still looked like shit. I was worried about him, but more scared than anything else. We had no idea what could happen tomorrow or the day after. It felt like Carlisle's life was a ticking time-bomb just ready to go off. It was a scary situation; both Bella's wedding and my father's illness.

"I take it that your weekend didn't go as you planned?" Dad asked with a saddened smile.

"Nope" I popped the p. "I fucked up, again!" I tugged on my tousled hair.

"What happened?" Rose looked suspicious.

"I tried to kiss Bella Friday night and she threw a temper tantrum, accusing me that I wasn't interested in her heart and that I only wanted to get back into her pants – which is fucking bullshit, just so you know. She spent the entire weekend with Charlie and refused to do anything that involved me. I spent the entire weekend with Abbey and Tristan-"

"Wait, she left Abbey with you?" Rose asked incredibly.

I frown at her, "Why is that so hard to believe?"

"It's just that Bella never leaves her children with anyone…well, except with me and Charlie that is" she explained.

"I'm not just anyone, Rosalie, I'm their father" I argued.

"Hey, Edward, chill. I had no idea you felt that way about Abbey" she held her hands up. "Did you tell this to Bella" she asked.

"No, not yet. We didn't have a chance since she ignored me the entire weekend. Fuck," I jabbed my fingers into my hair and tugged. "I fucked everything up. I was hoping-"

"You hoped that you would wash away ten years of hurt and anguish by a weekend away? You don't know Bella that well, Edward. She's been through fucking hell and it's going to take more than a weekend to win her trust back, let alone her fucking heart" Rose hissed in anger.

"Rosalie, I have three weeks before she marries that fucker. Three fucking weeks, so, yes, I fucking hoped that I would accomplish something this weekend" I yelled.

"Edward, I understand, but you have to go slow. Show her that you love her…not by showing affection but by talking to her like a human being. Listen to her-"

"That's what I've been doing, but she treats me like fucking shit" I sighed.

"Bella has a reason for everything she does. She's probably trying to protect herself" Emmett threw his comment into mine and Rosalie's conversation.

"What? Why would she need protection?" I asked astounded.

"From you, Edward. She wants to protect her heart from you" Emmett said slowly.

"Did she tell you this?" I asked, still astounded.

He shook his head, but I could see that he knew something.

"Fuck, Emmett, if you know something, anything, then please just tell me. I don't have much-" I stop mid-sentence when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I held my index finger up to Emmett and pulled the phone out of my pocket, looking at the screen.

It was Bella's number, fuck, my heart sprinted into overdrive.

"Hello" I answered.

"Dad" Tristan's trembling voice answered back. I heard sniffling sounds and knew he was crying.

"Tris, buddy, what's wrong? What happened?" I asked frantically.

"She's getting married, dad" he was sobbing out loud now. My heart ached to hear my son in so much pain.

"I know that, buddy, but-"

"No, dad, you don't understand" he sniffled harder, "She's marrying him this Wednesday, dad"

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

***Hides behind a rock***

**Please review and I'll post the next chapter, yes, it's already written. I'm waiting on your responses and then I'll post the chapter. So go on…click the review button and give it to me – throw me with your thoughts and theories on what happens next.**

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	18. Chapter Seventeen - Never

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Lyrics in this Chapter belongs to:

One – Metallica

_A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, favorites and follows. Welcome to the new readers, please remember to review! The more reviews I receive, the quicker I post the next chapter._

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

Chapter Seventeen – Never

_**I can't remember anything**_

_**Can't tell if this is true or dream**_

_**Deep down inside I feel to scream**_

_**This terrible silence stops me**_

_**(One – Metallica)**_

**EPOV**

"Edward, slow down" Rosalie hissed in panic.

I ignored her ranting as I sped through the streets of Seattle. My grip on the steering wheel tightened as I thought about Bella marrying Jake this coming Wednesday.

I parked my car in front of Bella's apartment building and was about to get out when Rosalie grabbed my arm.

"Rosalie, this is not the time-"

"Edward, let me just get Abbey and Tristan out of there before you talk to Bella" she requested.

I slapped myself on the forehead with the palm of my hand.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. You're right" I ranted, "Thank you for coming with. Take my car keys and take them for a milkshake or something" I rambled like a crazy person. I was in shock…no, shock was a fucking understatement.

"Hey, I'm sorry that you're going through this. I wish I could help you" she sighed.

"I have to get through to Bella. I just have to" I said.

We climbed out of the car and made our way to Bella's apartment as quickly as we could. My heart was pounding in my throat when I stood in front of her door. I raised my hand and instead of knocking I banged my fist against the door.

"Edward" she gasped as the door flew open and she saw me standing in front of her.

"Can I come in?" I asked, clenching my jaw. My heart was unable to beat as I already felt dead. It would kill me if she married that fucking douchebag. It would literally kill me.

"I don't think that is such a good idea" she said. Rosalie stepped into Bella's view and Bella's eyes widened in surprise.

"Rose, what are you doing here?" she gasped.

"I live here, remember. We just left in such a hurry that I forgot my keys" she explained.

Bella had no choice but to move so we could enter. Rosalie immediately went down the hall into Tristan's room.

"I can't see you, Edward" Bella whispered in a hiss.

"Tough fucking shit" I hissed back.

Tristan and Abbey were ecstatic when they saw me. After I held Tristan and Abbey and comforted them, Rosalie took them out to have a milkshake. Bella glared at me and as soon as Rosalie left she went to the kitchen.

"Abbey has really taken a liking in you" she smiled but it hadn't reached her eyes.

"She's not the only one – I really love her, Bella" I said.

"Edward, you are not her father-"

"I fucking know that, Bella. Fuck," I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I love her, Bella, I love your fucking daughter so much and I don't care if she doesn't share my DNA…I fucking love her as if she was mine. I want her to be mine, Bella" I yelled back in hurt. Couldn't she have seen how much I loved Abbey? Was she truly that blind that she was unable to see how much I've fucking changed?

I know I've put Bella through hell. I know I've ripped her heart into pieces by saying the things I had ten years ago. I know I've left her pregnant and that she had suffered through life on her own. But, my life wasn't as peachy either. My heart was ripped out, too. My heart was broken, too.

My life was a fucking mess for ten years, even though I was in denial for the most part of it. I found out a month ago that I was a father…so, yeah, my life was a fucking mess, too, but I have tried everything in my power to show this woman that I fucking loved her. I have forgiven her completely and even love her more than I ever had. Why was it so hard for her to do the same? Was our love really a teenage-fling to her? Was our love truly dead to her?

"I'm sorry, Edward, I had no idea you felt that way" Bella apologizes.

"It's fine, Bella, but never doubt my feelings for Tristan and Abbey" I forced out, "and you" I added.

Her eyes widened again, "Don't start with that again, please" she moved farther away from me.

"Why are you agreeing to marry Jake?" I asked. "Why the rush?"

"I don't know why he moved the date up, but he already did and everything is planned" she answered stoically.

"Please don't marry him, Bella, I'm begging you" I whispered hoarsely. My heart was shattered.

"I won't hurt Jake like that, Edward, I'm not that kind of person. How many times do you wanna do this before you'll realize that I'm not backing out of this?" Bella asked.

"Until the day I die, Bella" I swallowed the sob that was about to escape my mouth.

"You can't keep doing this to me, Edward. Please, just leave" she held onto the countertop she was leaning against.

"I won't leave, Bella. Why are you so fucking adamant about marrying this guy?" I yelled. "You have no love – not one fucking emotion – in your eyes to back you up. So don't even spew shit that you love him. I can fucking see that you don't love him"

"You don't know me, Edward, not at all. You have no idea what I've become and who I love or not" she yelled back.

"I've known you since you were six years old, Bella. I remember the first day you walked into my class and I remember how I couldn't keep my eyes off of you. I knew back then that I was going to spend the rest of my life with you-"

"You sure as hell had a fucked up way of expressing that ten years ago" she yelled furiously.

"Bella, I already told you-"

"Yea, you came back with a ring" she interrupted me again, waving her hands in the air. "But, why couldn't you have chosen me before you left that hotel room, Edward. You made me believe that you would never marry me. You made me believe that I meant fuck all to you" she fell to the floor into a sobbing mess.

I couldn't stop the tears that had already rolled down my cheeks. I took two big steps until I fell down beside her. I gently cradled her face and looked into her broken eyes. Rivers of tears flowed down her cheeks and her sobs became louder.

"Love, please don't cry" I sobbed, "Please, it breaks my heart to see you like this" my voice were thick with sobs. "I'm sorry" I whispered against her ear. "I'm so sorry" I kissed her temple. "I'm sorry" I kissed her forehead. I kept repeating my actions as Bella and I cried together. Her hands fisted my shirt and she kept hitting me over and over again.

"You rejected me" she sobbed against my chest. "You threw the love I had for you back into my face, Edward"

"I'm sorry, Bella" I whispered. My hands that were cradling her face were shaking. I gently wiped her tears with my thumbs, but more spilled over the brims of her beautiful brown pools. So much sorrow, anguish, pain and bitterness mixed together in her eyes creating nothing but emptiness…hollowness.

"I needed you. I fucking cried myself to sleep every single night. I barely lived, Edward" she whispered hoarsely, "And you're sorry?" she asked, pulling her face in disgust.

"What do you want from me, Bella? What more do you want?" I gasped. "I don't know what to do to prove to you that I regret everything that happened that day. I don't know what to do" I shook my head sideways. "I love you, Bella, and I don't know how to show you that you are everything to me. I don't know how to prove to you that my feelings for you are real and that I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I don't know how to get through to you, Bella" I cried. "What can I do to prove to you how much I love you?" I asked pleadingly.

She looked straight into my eyes.

"You want to prove it to me?" she asked softly.

I nodded, "I'll do anything" I said fiercely.

"Anything?" she asked.

"Anything, Bella"

"Then walk out of that door and leave me be, Edward. Accept that I've moved on and forget about me" she said. My eyes widened and my face paled. I backed away from her as the reality of the situation sunk in; she wanted me to prove that I loved her by leaving her alone? She wanted me to prove my love for her by letting her marry Jake?

I shook my head, "Anything but that, Bella" I whispered mortified.

"Then you don't love me as you so desperately pledged a few minutes ago" she spat.

"I do love you, but I'm not letting you go. You're asking the impossible" I yelled in exasperation. "I have two days to fight for you, and fight I will. How can you even ask me to let you go? That would only prove that I'm a pussy and not care at all" I frowned.

"Leave, Edward, now!" she yelled in hysterics while more tears escaped her eyes. "I've told you numerous times that I don't love you. What more do you want?" she cried. I had no idea who this woman was that stood in front of me. She wasn't my Bella; the soft, caring and loving Bella. She was smothered in bitterness and hate and so much fucking pain that it killed me just to look at her. My heart ripped out of my chest bone every time she told me that she had no love for me.

"For you to really mean it, Bella, if you can honestly tell me that you don't love me, I'll walk away" I yelled back. Both our chests were heaving from all the yelling.

"I _**have**_ told you, and I have meant every fucking word. Now, leave my house" she screamed hysterically.

"Bella, love, what's going on with you? You don't seem happy at all-"

"I'll be happy once you leave" she forced out between clenched teeth. I could see how irritated and frustrated she was. I also knew that we wouldn't resolve anything tonight. We were fighting like two teenagers and the fight just circled around, and then we would start again. Bella wasn't giving in and neither was I.

"Fine, I'll leave. But, I'll come back tomorrow, Bella. I want some fucking answers" I rubbed the back of my neck. "I wanna know what the fuck happened to you? And don't tell me that it's because of what happened ten years ago because there's no way in hell that I'm the only one who've hurt you. I know I've fucked up, heaven knows I've fucked up, but something more happened to you, Bella. I want to know what happened?" I sighed as the final words left my mouth. She crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at me. She just stood there without saying anything.

_**I'm waking up I cannot see**_

_**That there is not much left of me**_

_**Nothing is real but pain now**_

_**(One – Metallica)**_

My entire body was in pain. Bella was so stubborn and so fucking persistent in marrying this guy that it felt I have already lost her. Why…why was she so adamant about marrying this guy? Why would she agree to marry him when he moved the date up? Why had he moved the date up? That was the real question here.

"I can see that we're not getting anywhere tonight, so, I'll go, but I'll be back tomorrow, Bella" I sighed in defeat. My heart was in excruciating pain, and I wanted to numb it so badly.

"Fine" she spat. My eyes locked on hers for a second; cold, hard eyes stared back at me. I shook my head because, once again, Bella was unfamiliar to me. I hardly recognize her. It was as if her soul was…dead!

I walked out of her apartment without so much as another word. I slammed the door hard, but couldn't find it in me to walk away. My body slipped down the door and I bit down on my fist to stifle the sobs that came. Why did I have a feeling that I've already lost Bella?

_**Hold my breath as I wish for death**_

_**Oh please God, wake me**_

_**(One – Metallica)**_

I had no idea for how long I've sat in front of Bella's door, but I remembered that my children would be returning soon and I didn't want them seeing me like this. I left with a heavy heart and an empty soul.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

The last two days went by way too fast. After I had left Bella's apartment on Sunday, she had disappeared. She left a letter with Rosalie that simply said: "_If you won't let me go, then I'll do it for you. Please leave me alone, Edward_"

Rosalie had no idea where she was and neither Tristan nor Abbey knew. Rosalie was sad about this because it was a sign that Bella didn't trust her enough to have told her where she was going.

Tristan and Abbey was spending time with me until after Bella's honeymoon. Bella picked them up at school, though, and took them out for the day. Then she would drop them off at Rosalie's, and Rose would bring them to me. It was so fucking unnecessary and so confusing, especially for Tristan and Abbey. They had no idea what was going on, but Bella explained to them that she was busy with the wedding-plans and that they had to stay with me for a while. They had no idea where Bella was, but told me that she was probably at Jake's house.

It took everything not to go to his house and fuck up his dog face. But, I figured that I was already number one on Bella's shit list, and I sure as hell wasn't going to add to the list. She already hated my guts and probably thought I was a piece of shit. I hadn't given up on her, though, I was planning to go and see her before she gets married. Yup, I was going to fuck her wedding up…well, not entirely, but I was going to find her before she walked down that aisle. Because even if I had to barge into that church before the '_**I do's'**_ I would fucking do it in a heartbeat.

My plans were set and Rosalie promised that she would let me know where Bella was getting dressed. Rosalie was the maid of honor and would obviously have known where Bella would be tomorrow morning.

I tried to call her, but she denied my calls. I've left hundreds of text messages, but it stayed unanswered. Now, I knew that the feeling I had Sunday night at her door, that feeling that I've already lost Bella, was on the spot. She was making sure that I wouldn't stand a chance with her.

My life was in such a mess right now. If I was going to lose Bella…

I shook my head at that thought.

I couldn't even…

The mere thought brought me to my knees and had me bawling my eyes out. It had my heart ripped from my chest and left an empty hole, which was excruciating.

_**Darkness imprisoning me**_

_**All that I see**_

_**Absolute horror**_

_**I cannot live**_

_**I cannot die**_

_**Trapped in myself**_

_**Body my holding cell**_

_**(One – Metallica)**_

If I couldn't have gotten through to Bella tomorrow, then I would be a miserable man at best. Sure, I had my son and daughter to fill my days with their presence. Their love, admiration, passion and reverence would fulfill my life in more ways than one. Their love alone would fill my soul that I at least would be able to live. Fuck, they were everything to me, and I needed them like like lungs needed air to breathe. I wouldn't have been able to survive without them in my life.

"Dad?" Tristan's voice was wary and I knew he wanted to ask me something, but wasn't sure how.

"Hmm?" I hummed. Tristan was lying in his bed – well, technically it was one of Emmett's beds – and I was about to tuck him in for the night.

"Is Pops really dying?" he asked.

I gulped as my eyes widened.

"What? How did you-"

"I overheard Em and Pops talking" he interrupted me. "I wasn't eavesdropping, I was looking for Emmett and that's when I heard them" he explained quickly. My son was so straight forward. I loved that about him. If he wanted to know something he would ask me. He had no care in the world if it wasn't meant for his ears. He also hated lies, which was mine and Bella's fault, and would rather be told the truth – no matter how painful it would be, or how hard. Sometimes, I wondered if he really was nine-years-old…

"Pops is very ill. He has a brain tumor-"

"Brain tumor?" he interrupted me.

"It's cancer, Tris, Pops has brain cancer" I sighed, tears burning my eyes. I still haven't come to terms with my father's illness. It just…it was just so hard to believe. He could die any moment. What bothered me was that he had already accepted it, and refused to go for treatments. He claimed that even with treatments, the tumor would grow back…he would constantly be in and out of hospital, and he downright refused. His stubbornness reminded me of Bella.

"Can't they help him?" he asked with a trembling voice. His chin wobbled slightly and I noticed how his eyes had unshed tears in them.

"No, buddy, they've done everything they could" I pulled him from under the blankets and wrapped him in my arms, holding him to my chest. "Besides, pops want to spend the time he has left with his family and not in hospitals. His biggest wish was to meet you"

His head snapped up to look at me. My heart ached to have seen tears running down his beautiful face.

"Really?" he asked.

"Really, really" I smiled. "His wish is fulfilled, buddy, and now he just wants to spend time with you…get to know you better"

"I'm so happy that I can be here with you and Pops. I just…I don't want him to die" he cried softly.

"Me neither, Tris" I felt a single tear roll down my cheek and sniffled softly.

I held my son tightly while he cried softly into my chest. It broke my heart to have heard his soft sobs. It damned near killed me.

"Thanks, dad" he wiped his eyes with his little fists. "For telling me the truth and for being here with me"

"Tris, there's no place I'd rather be than right here with you" I smiled.

"So, Emmett's taking us to mom tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yup" I popped the p. Fuck, I was nervous about tomorrow. I also had a really bad feeling…like everything was going to blow up in my face.

"I don't want her to marry Jake. I just…" he shook his head.

"What, Tris?" I prompted.

"I told her once that I don't want her to marry Jake, but she assured me that she's happy with Jake and that I shouldn't push her. She said that she just wanted to be happy for once" he shrugged. "Is it selfish of me to want you guys to get back together?"

"No, Tristan, it's not selfish at all. You've never had the privilege to see your mom and dad together and it's perfectly normal to wish for us to get back together. A lot has happened between your mom and me" I raked my fingers through my hair, "it's just complicated right now. I wish I could take everything I had done back…you deserve to be happy, Tris" I said sadly.

"I am happy, dad, the happiest I've ever been. I have you in my life…something I've wished for ever since I can remember. I love you, dad, and even though you and mom won't be together, I'll still have you in my life. That makes me happy" he smiled.

"I love you, Tristan, so much" I pulled him back into my arms and hugged him fiercely.

I helped him to get back under the blankets and kissed him on his head.

"Goodnight, dad" he smiled. He turned to his side and tucked his hands underneath his pillow, rubbing his cheek on the pillow before he closed his eyes.

"Night, Tris" I whispered.

I went to Abbey's room to see if she was still awake, but I doubted it because she loved her sleep-time. I peeked into the room and a frown formed on my forehead when I saw her crying.

"Princess?" I whispered. I hastily made my way over to her bed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you would come back" her lips quivered as more tears escaped her pretty eyes.

I tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and leaned down to kiss her.

"Why are you crying?" I asked sadly.

"I don't want Jake to be my daddy" she hiccupped, "I wanted you to be my daddy"

"Oh, Princess, come here" I had to swallow my sob back. She crawled onto my lap and I wrapped my arms safely around her. I rocked our bodies back and forth until her hysterical sobs calmed a bit.

"I'm sorry, Prince Charming, but my heart hurts really bad" she sulked.

I leaned forward and placed my lips on her head, desperately trying to stifle the painful sob that escaped my lips.

"You don't have anything to feel sorry about, Princess" I whispered when I felt brave enough to speak. "I'm honored that you want me to be your daddy" I smiled.

"But mommy's marrying Jake and that would make him my new daddy" she lowered her eyes and played with the hem of her pajama shirt.

"No, Princess, you don't have to call him daddy if you don't want to" I swallowed, not knowing if I was doing the right thing, but, fuck, it felt right because she was my little girl. She was mine, not his.

"I don't?" she looked up at me in complete surprise.

I shook my head, "No, you don't. No one will force you to call him 'daddy' just because your mommy married him. I'm sure that Jake will understand, Princess" I smiled. I would kill the fucker if he forced her to call him 'daddy', fucking prick.

"I want to call you 'daddy'" she looked shy, as if she had said the wrong thing.

"Really?" I asked astounded with my heart beating like crazy. My emotions were all over the place. My princess wanted to call me daddy…she wanted me to be her daddy.

"Yes, really, really. I love you so much, Prince Charming, and you already feel like my daddy. You play with me, you do stuff for me, you read me stories and you pretend to be Prince Charming…that's what daddy's do, right?"

"That's not all they do, Princess" I smiled while tears streamed unashamedly down my cheeks, "They also love you unconditionally. I love you, so, so much. You are my Princess, my daughter-" I was silenced when Abbey jumped back into my arms and hugged my neck fiercely. I chuckled while holding her. Complete contentment filled my heart and soul, completing my very existence. I had no idea when I realized that Abbey was part of me, part of my life. I couldn't have cared less if she wasn't my daughter in blood, she was my fucking daughter. I would go to hell and back for her and fight like hell for her. I couldn't even imagine my life without her.

"I love you," she screeched before she looked up and into my eyes, "Daddy" she added. My chest felt as if it was going to explode as her love overwhelmed me. I felt so fucking proud to hear those words out of her mouth.

"I love you, too, Princess" I chuckled. "Let's get you to bed, it's way over your bedtime"

She crawled back under the sheets with the biggest smile plastered on her face. Abbey reminded me of the sweet six year old Bella whom I laid eyes on for the very first time.

After I left Abbey's room, I dropped to my knees and literally bawled my eyes out. Fuck, that was the most emotionalist thing I've ever gone through.

"Edward?" I heard Rose's voice, but kept my hands over my eyes. I wasn't in the mood for her shit right now.

"What happened?" she asked.

I only shook my head. I felt her hand on my shoulder, giving me a tight squeeze as some sort of comfort. I smiled. How far had Rose and I come? Two weeks ago she wouldn't even look at me, let alone greet me. But, now, now we're like siblings…well, almost. I smiled again.

"Abbey was crying because she wants me to be her daddy and not Jake" I laughed without any humor.

"What?" she crouched down beside me and I started telling her what had happened between Abbey and me. Rose had tears by the time I finished the story. For the first time Rosalie hugged me freely. She held me tight and whispered that she was going to try everything in her power to stop Bella from marrying Jacob. I sighed, thankful that I had an accomplice, but the fear in my heart was still lingering because the chance that I would lose Bella forever was still there.

"I'll be right back" Rosalie smiled as she let me go, "If Emmett asks where I am, just…I don't know, make something up"

"Rose, wait" I said, but she started running away from me. I had no idea what just happened, but Rosalie was gone.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

**Rosalie's POV**

"Open this fucking door, Jacob Black" I banged on his door over and over again until my hand felt like it was going to break off of my arm.

The door flew open with a very disoriented looking Jake standing behind it. It was obvious that he was sleeping.

"Where's Bella?" I barged into his house, pushing him out of the way.

"What? Rosalie, what the fuck is wrong with you?" he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Bella!" I yelled at the bottom of the stairs.

"She's not here" he answered. "I don't understand, Rosalie, Bella is at her apartment" he said.

"No, she's not" I spat. "Where is she?" I asked again.

"She's not here, fuck, what the fuck is your problem?" he asked in confusion.

I looked at him and it was clear to me that he had no idea where Bella was. I was so pissed at Bella for leaving the apartment. This was not something Bella would do. This side of Bella was so fucking frustrating.

I knew Bella, fuck, I've known Bella for ten years now, and I know for a fact that she wasn't in love with this piece of shit. She was marrying him because she made a promise to him years ago, fucking years ago. She felt that she owed him her life because he took care of her after she left Edward. He was a good friend to her and always stood by her side. After the rape…Jake and I was the only people Bella trusted. Jake would sleep in Bella's bed after she begged him to not leave her side. She had so many nightmares and would wake up in cold sweat. Jake was always there, calming her and taking care of her.

After a while, Bella believed that she was over Edward, and she believed that she had fallen for Jake. I never blamed her because Jake was constantly there, not giving her the space she needed – even though she hadn't wanted it. She fucking needed it, and I knew that it wasn't good. Jake's presence were confusing Bella and it hadn't given her time to deal with what had happen with Sam and Edward.

Fuck, she still believed two months ago that she was over Edward. Until that fucker showed up at _Twilight_…I saw that she wasn't even close to being over Edward. She still loved him, but she denied it. Laughed it off as if I was fucking crazy.

Even after Edward had proven to her – to all of us – that he still loved her and would do anything for her, she still refused him. I knew that Bella was protecting her heart against Edward. He had hurt her once and she believed that he would do it again. She actually took no blame for everything that went down ten years ago. She took absolutely no blame for forcing him to choosing between her and his band.

Ten years of hatred and bitterness; these emotions lived quite comfortably inside of her heart and made a permanent residence. I've never seen someone hold onto these ugly and destructive emotions for so long. I think it was what kept Bella going.

"What are you doing, Jacob?" I spat.

"What? What the fuck do you mean?" he asked surprised.

"Why are you holding Bella to the promise she made years ago?" I crossed my arms.

"I love Bella, Rosalie-"

"Stop right fucking there" I held the palms of my hands up. "You love her?" I spat, anger boiled in my veins.

"Yeah, I fucking love her" he yelled.

"Then let her go, Jacob Black" I yelled, my voice dripped with venom. "Because you fucking know that she doesn't love you"

"You're crazy if you think I'm going to just give her up. I will not, Rosalie. I'm marrying Bella tomorrow" he said in anger.

"Then you're a fucking selfish dick" I yelled. "She doesn't love you, Jake. She never will"

"I don't care about that. I have enough love for the both of us"

"Oh, please, is that why you've moved the wedding date up? Because you have enough love for the both of you" I asked sarcastically. "No, you fucking prick, it's because you're scared that she'll call the wedding off because you know Bella doesn't give a shit about you" I sneered.

"Get out of my house, Rosalie" he yelled.

"Let her go, Jake. Let her be happy instead of miserable. If you really love her so damn much, let her go. That's the only way for Bella to truly be happy" I pleaded. "She'll always be miserable, Jake, you know this"

"Get out of my house, Rosalie, NOW!" he barked.

"Fuck you, Jacob Black. I thought you would understand, but you're just a selfish fucking prick. You're only thinking about your happiness and your life" I spat as I walked past him to the door. "You're going to regret this one day and then I'll be there waiting and laughing my ass off. If you think I'm going to let this go, you're making one hell of a mistake, because I'm going to beg Bella not to marry you" I yelled.

He laughed sarcastically.

"She'll never break her promise to me, Rosalie. She'll never break her promise to me. She's too loyal, Rosalie, you know this" he laughed.

"We'll see, Jacob Black, we'll see. Bella might figure out that she needs to fight for her own damn happiness for once. I'll make sure she fucking realizes it before tomorrow" I spat and slammed the door behind me.

Jacob was my last hope. He was clearly not going to cave, fucker, and I was pretty sure that Bella wouldn't break her promise to this piece of shit. How could she stand so fucking steadfast on a promise when she clearly knew – deep down inside in her heart – that it was a mistake? How could she give up her own happiness just to make Jacob happy? I had no idea what was going on inside of Bella's head. Why would she give up a life with Edward – a life she so desperately wanted ten years ago - to be with a man she had no love for…well, except maybe a friendship-kinda-love?

I wanted to find her and kick her ass right now. Slapped some fucking sense into her.

I felt like a failure. I wanted to make Tristan and Abbey happy by giving them the one thing they both wished for – Edward and Bella to get back together. I wanted to give them their daddy – living with them, tucking them in, telling them stories, making them breakfast and taking them to school…

I have failed them. I have failed Edward. I have failed Bella…

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

_**Hit the review button and I'll post the next chapter – yes, it's already written! Tell me what you thought? You think Jake's going to let her go? **_

_**Review, review, review, review**_


	19. Chapter eighteen This is letting go!

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Lyrics in this chapter belongs to:

This is letting go – Rise Against

Within my heart – Dead by April

Too late – Dead by April

Last Goodbye – Dead by April

Calling – Dead by April

The good left undone – Rise Against (Fuck awesome song…)

_**A/N**__: LOL…so many OMG's received on the last chapter and 'Bella should get her head out of her ass'. Haha. I love reading your reviews…thank you so much to every single reader that took the time to review. You keep this story going because you encourage me to continue writing. I had no idea that I would get this kind of responses when I posted that first chapter a few months ago…you guys blew me away and surprised me in more ways than one. Thank you, thank you, thank you._

_I'm nervous about this chapter and, yet, excited as well. I'm looking forward to read your responses._

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

Chapter Eighteen – This is letting go

_**But this isn't giving up, no this is letting go**_

_**I made the most of all this sorrow**_

_**I tried to brave this discontent but now I'm through**_

_**I'm letting go of you.**_

_**(This is letting go – Rise Against)**_

**EPOV**

_Her brown hair fell over her shoulders when she straddled her gloriously naked body over mine. My heart hammered with anticipation of what I knew was coming next, but she only sat over me for a while. I wasn't complaining, though, because I had the most amazing view right in front of me. _

_My eyes stared at her hipbones where my fingers gently held her perfectly still, and scanned every single detail where my eyes fell on her beautiful bellybutton. My one hand loosened around her hip and traced a lazy pattern to said bellybutton. My finger circled it a couple of times and a lazy smile curled my lips upwards when goose bumps erupted across her stomach. I could see the gentle shivering motion she made and I literally groaned when she rubbed her wet center just an inch above my hard as fuck dick._

_After I composed myself to some sort of normalcy, considering the circumstances I was under – literally under -, I opened my eyes again and unclenched my other hand from her hip. I traced both hands up along her ribcage, eliciting some more goose bumps where my rough guitar-played-fingers touched her silky soft skin. My fingers trailed up right under her breasts and I teasingly traced the underline of her perfect peaky breasts. A soft whimper escaped her lips when my thumbs rubbed teasingly over her erect nipples._

_I had to close my eyes again because that sound alone made me wanna turn her onto her back and bury myself deep inside her warmth. Fuck, I had no idea what she waited for, or why, for that matter. I just knew that it was driving me insane._

_I swallowed hard before I opened my eyes again, staring back at my hands busy kneading her breasts. I licked my lips as the want to take her nipple into my mouth and nibble it, overwhelmed me. My hands froze their actions and started tracing up her chest, along her shoulder, her collarbone, up her neck and along her jawline. Finally, my fingers touched her pillowy lips, tracing the contours slowly and softly before my eyes finally connected with hers._

_I gasped. Her brown orbs were almost golden from all the emotions that swam in them. Her eyes pierced mine and I recognized the want and need in them…along with love. So much fucking love swirled in her golden diluted orbs that I wanted to fucking cry. Bella loved me. She loved me…was all I kept thinking. It played over and over in my mind like lyrics to new music I've composed._

"_Do you love me, Bella?" I asked huskily, my voice thick with emotions. I just had to hear the words rolling off of her sweet tongue and see them form on her plump lips._

"_I do" she whispered so softly._

"_Say it, Bella, say that you love me" I ordered softly, my thumb gently rubbing her bottom lip._

"_I love you, Edward Cullen" she said. Her golden eyes turned darker with love and passion._

_Her delicately small hands pressed up against my chest and it felt as if she set my body on fire with just that touch. Her fingers traced the tattoo in the middle of my chest. I closed my eyes at her touch._

"_I wish I never made that damn ultimatum. I wish we never broke-up" she said and I opened my eyes to meet hers, which was filled with unshed tears now. My hand shot up and I caught the one tear that escaped her eye with my thumb._

"_Most off all, I wish I had the freedom to give my heart to you…"_

_**You remember me, you remember us**_

_**It was magical when I felt your touch**_

_**It's a strong memory still today**_

_**It feels so good with your body close**_

_**Those days are gone, time flied away**_

_**But it's what I'm dreaming of still today**_

(Within my heart – Dead by April)

I slowly opened my eyes to the horrific reality. My hand rested on my tattoo and without looking at it, I could trace the lines of the swan in the middle of my chest. The wetness against my temples told me that I was crying, but I couldn't feel anything. I was numb. Numb and broken beyond repair.

Bella was getting married today. My Bella was marrying some other guy and said guy was taking away my family. He would be spending the rest of his life sleeping next to my girl, waking up next to her, having breakfast with my precious kids, taking them to school…

I rubbed the tears out of my eyes before they escaped from the corners of my eyes. I slowly sat up in my bed – for a moment that dream made my dick hard as fuck, but as soon as those words slipped from Bella's lips…he slowly died, just like my heart.

I had no idea how to stop Bella from marrying that fucker, heaven knows, I've tried everything. I have pledged my love to her every time I saw her, but she thought that I was full of shit. Obviously, she still hadn't forgiven me for what happened ten years ago. I have stayed calm when she attacked me – for no reason whatsoever - with venomous words. I took it all in without saying anything back, well, I may have said something back here and there, but it was nothing compared to Bella's anger. Her words were like daggers and with each word a dagger stabbed into my heart.

Today was the last day that I had to try and change her mind. Today was my last hope. If I wasn't able to win her heart back today then that would be it…over and done.

After I took a shower and dressed in my favorite black ruined jeans, a white Metallica shirt and my _Vans_, I went downstairs to grab a bowl of cereal. I was surprised to have found my father sitting at the table, eating his own bowl of cereal. Usually he would sleep a bit late before he would come down.

"Morning, dad" I smiled. He raised his head slowly and smiled. Fuck, he was getting paler by the day. "Alice and Jasper still sleeping?" I asked.

Jasper and Alice surprised us last night. They arrived quite late and practically fell asleep while greeting us. I'm excited that they're here, I've gotten used to having them around.

"Yeah, I think they'll be sleeping late. I'm so happy to have all of my children under one roof" Dad smiled.

"Yeah, yeah" I chuckled. "Where's Em and my beauty's?" I asked.

"Em had an emergency at the hospital. Rosalie took them to their rooms so they could get ready because Emmett can't take them to the church, so Rose will take them now" he answered. I grabbed a bowl and filled it with cereal before I joined him at the kitchen table. I poured milk on and grabbed a spoon. I wasn't hungry, but I needed to eat something because I felt nauseous. I guessed it was because of the stress.

"Today's the big day?" he said slowly, pain evident in his eyes. He was also hoping for reconciliation between Bella and me.

I sighed long and hard while rubbing the back of my neck.

"What am I going to do, dad? I can't lose her…" I said with burning eyes, "not again" my voice broke at the end. I covered my face with my hands and started sobbing out loud when my heart ripped into pieces.

The thought of losing Bella today, poisoned my heart into a slow and painful death. If only I could go back in time…if only…I would do everything differently.

I felt my dad's arms around my shoulder and I slowly looked up with a tear-stained face. My tears imitated on his face. He grabbed a fistful of my hair before he pulled me to his chest. I felt like a six-year-old boy who just fell down and needed his father's comfort. The excruciating pain inside my chest was unbearable. I wanted to die, but couldn't because my son and daughter needed me, even though Bella didn't.

"Go to Bella, Edward. Go to her and fight until the very end…you can't give up, son" there was an urgency in my dad's voice that I've never heard before.

This was my last chance to win her heart back, and I had to do everything in my power to prevent her from walking down that fucking aisle.

"Thanks, dad" I smiled, feeling like a little kid who was just healed by his father's kiss. I still needed my father, even though I was thirty-one years old, I still fucking needed him. The thought of my father dying scared the living shit out of me, but it was something that we had to make peace with because he refused to go for more treatments.

"Have you spoken to mom?" I asked.

His eyes filled with sadness as he nodded.

"She…urm…she can't come right now" he smiled, but I could see that his heart was broken. Anger filled my body. My hands started shaking.

"What? Why not?"

"She said she can't cope around sick people. It makes her nervous" he chuckled dryly, "But, she promised to come as soon as she's gotten used to the idea"

"Wait, what?" I asked astounded. "She wants to get used to the idea? Fuck, no" I yelled.

"Edward, calm down, son. I expected that much. I never had high hopes for your mother to take me back, even now that I'm dying I knew she wouldn't take me back. I just hoped, I guess…" he looked extremely sad and heartbroken. "I love her so much. I've never stopped loving her"

"Dad, she's selfish and heartless. I guess things never change" I spat. I haven't seen Esme in years. She never visited any of us and only called once in a while, maybe to sooth her guilt. I had at least hoped that she would have come and stood by my dad after everything they went through. I had hoped that she would at least make his final wish come true.

"Don't talk bad about you mother, Edward, you know I don't like it" he chastised me. I swallowed the shit I wanted to say and apologized for the way I spoke about Esme. I love her, she was my mother, but I had no fucking respect for her. She destroyed my father's life and basically turned us kids against him for a while, making him the bad guy in their relationship.

I kept my eyes on Carlisle's sad eyes. It crippled me to see him like this. It damned near killed me. How could my mother be so damn selfish?

"Dad-" I started saying, but was interrupted by my beautiful Princess's voice.

"Daddy" my little princess came running into the kitchen with Tristan inches behind her. He had a crooked smile plastered on his face and I knew Abbey must've told him about our conversation. He winked at me and nodded his head. He was my fucking pride and joy.

"Morning, Princess" I scooped her up into my arms and placed kisses all over her face. She giggled before she kissed me back.

"We have to go, but we'll see you tonight" she said sadly.

"Go? Have you eaten breakfast, yet?" I asked. Have I slept that late?

"We had some cereal and then Rosie made me bath and dress" she pouted. I chuckled. Fuck, it was a struggle to get her to bath and dress in the mornings. If she could wear pajama's the whole day, she would do it with a smile.

"Okay then, well…I guess I'll see you tonight after the wedding" my heart broke at those words.

"Hey, dad, you're still the best ever" Tristan bumped my fist before they left the kitchen.

Rosalie came in and told me she would text me the address where Bella was getting dressed. I hugged her tightly. Rosalie was sad because Bella felt the need to hide even from her. Bella probably knew that Rose would have told me where she was hiding.

"Dad, don't worry about mom. I think she'll come around, maybe she's in shock" I said after Rosalie and my kids left.

"Yeah, probably" he smiled, but his eyes gave him away. He knew she wasn't just in shock.

Carlisle and I ate our cereal in silence. He was probably thinking about my stuck-up mother while I was thinking about Bella. Fuck, which was all I seemed to be doing the last couple of days.

My phone vibrated with a message from Rose. She gave me the address where Bella was getting ready. I looked at my father and he smiled widely.

"Go, Edward, get out of here" he ordered with a smile. I nodded.

"Will you be alright?" I asked while standing up.

"GO!" he chuckled.

"Call me if you need anything. I mean it, dad, I'll be here in five minutes" I said worriedly while looking at him. He was getting weaker by the minute. I could see that the time we had with him was minimum.

"I'll be fine, now go" he said again. "I love you, Edward" he smiled before I started walking out of the kitchen. I slowly turned around to face him. Why had that sounded like a fucking goodbye? Suddenly I was torn in two; I wanted to stay with him because he seemed off and looked like shit, and, I wanted to be with Bella to try and win her heart back. There was no more tomorrows, today was the last day.

"I love you, too, dad. Maybe I should stay here with you-"

"No, Edward, you have a few hours left before Bella marries another man. You don't need to be here, you need to be over there fighting for her. Now go" he choked out. "I'm fine, just tired" he added.

"Dad-"

"Alice and Jasper's here if I need anything" he interrupted me again.

"You sure?" I asked quickly. He nodded with a sigh. I gave him a hug before I turned to leave the house. I swung the door open just as Jacob was about to ring the doorbell. My jaw clenched immediately, my eyes narrowed and I crossed my arms over my chest.

"What the hell do you want? And how did you get in?" I hissed infuriated.

"The guard believed me when I told him that Rosalie asked me to pick something up for Emmett" he smiled.

"He'll be out of a job by the end of the day"

"I don't give a shit. I came here to laugh in your fucking face" he chuckled. "I'm marrying Bella today, Edward, I've won. Stay the fuck away from her-"

"Is that a little insecurity I'm picking up, Jacob" I spat his name out.

"You have destroyed her life. You have hurt her and she doesn't need you anymore" he said. A big smile appeared on his face, "Have she told you about Abbey's father?"

"No" I answered.

"You wanna know why?" he asked, but answered without waiting for my answer. "She doesn't trust you enough. The only people who know about him are the ones she trusts" he bragged. "Besides, if she still loved you she would have told you, Cullen, so back the fuck off"

"Leave, Jacob" I hissed.

He laughed softly, "Stay away from her. She doesn't need you nor does she want you" he laughed as he turned around and walked away.

What the fuck was that? What about Abbey's father? Why the fuck wouldn't she have told me about him? What's the big fucking secret?

There was only one way to find out…

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

_**Every little beat within my heart**_

_**Is still beating for us**_

_**Every little piece of my heart**_

_**Is still longing for us**_

_**I am not strong enough, I know**_

_**I cannot ever let you go**_

_**Within my heart,**_

_**(Within my heart – Dead by April)**_

My stomach had millions of butterflies flying around, not out of excitement, but out of fucking nervousness. It actually made me nauseous. My heart jumped to my throat making it impossible for me to swallow and breathe.

Everything about Bella – from the moment I first laid eyes on her up to the day she walked out of my life – swirled around in my mind as I drove to the hotel. It made my foot on the gas heavier and before I knew it I stopped in front of _The Edgewater Hotel_. Bella was here; Rosalie also gave me her room number.

I asked the lady – who was _eye-fucking_ me – at the reception for directions to the room, and as she directed me, she constantly batted her eyelashes at me. I rolled my eyes at her pathetic attempt to be sexy, and as soon as she was done, I ran off, leaving her gaping like a fucking fish.

I raised my hand and knocked softly. I could make out Rosalie's voice as she was loud and then I heard Bella's voice as well. It sounded like they were arguing.

"I don't understand this obsession you have with Jacob fucking Black" I heard Rosalie yell. My eyes widened.

"Rose, don't do this, please, not now" her melodic voice interrupted Rosalie, but Bella seemed calm enough.

"When, Bella? When can I fucking tell you that you are making the biggest mistake if you go through with this? Fuck, I love you so much, Bells, but you are selfish and stubborn and so fucking wrong-"

"STOP!" I heard Bella yell. "Stop, Rosalie. If you can't support me today then you can fucking leave" Bella sounded angry and hurt.

I raised my hand again and knocked harder.

The door flew open and my eyes met Rosalie's. She was pissed as hell that much was clear. She winked at me before she huffed. She made me promise that I wouldn't tell Bella that she gave me the name of the hotel, but I had a feeling that Bella would know Rose gave me the hotel name. Bella wasn't stupid…

"Great" she threw her hands in the air, "another one of your obsessions…" she turned to Bella who was frozen. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. "Or shall I say ex-obsessions is here" Rosalie smirked. Bella turned her back to me, but I still saw her in the mirror she was standing in front of.

I gasped out loud when I saw Bella in her wedding dress. My breathing picked up as I gasped for air. She was so beautiful. The dress was white as snow and wrapped around her gorgeous body – hugging every curve -, but flung out at the bottom, reminding me of a fish tale. My eyes roamed over her body and came to a standstill when our eyes met in the mirror. Her eyes were wide and full of fear while mine displayed awe, love, reverence and adoration for the beautiful woman I saw in the mirror.

"What are you doing here?" she hissed when the reality of the situation sunk in. Her eyes displayed not only fear now, but fury as well.

"You look beautiful, Bella" I all but choked out. I felt the tears building in my eyes as **my **reality sunk in; she was in the dress, she was going through with the wedding. I took a step closer to her with a heavy and fearful heart.

_**Open for me**_

_**I am standing outside your door**_

_**Whatever you say**_

_**Don't say it's too late**_

_**Open for me**_

_**Cannot wait out here anymore**_

_**Whatever you say**_

_**Don't say it's too late**_

(Too late – Dead by April)

"Don't come any closer" she fumed while turning around. "Rose" Bella turned to her friend, but I never took my eyes off of Bella. "I needed your support today and you betrayed me by telling Edward where I was" she looked betrayed and hurt.

"Bells-"

"I want to talk to Edward" Bella said. "Alone" she demanded.

"Bells-" Rosalie tried again.

"NOW!" Bella bellowed.

As Rosalie walked past me, she clenched her hand around my shoulder. "This wasn't the best idea, Edward, but good luck" she whispered. I only nodded my head with my eyes still on the most beautiful woman in this world. Fear clawed my heart when I realized that I've lost Bella, and that I've wasted my time coming here. I could see the determination in her eyes; she was going to marry Jake and blew me off. She had no intention of even listening to me. I had done everything in my power to make her fall in love with me again, but I was too late.

I had failed in my mission…

"How many times have I told you that I'm not leaving Jake" she ranted on as soon as Rosalie closed the door. "Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone, Edward? I have made myself pretty clear" she bellowed. She rubbed her forehead ferociously. "Are you seriously so fucking delusional that you can't see that I've gone on with my life? You didn't want me, remember? It took me a long time to get where I am today…I'm not-" her eyes slid closed, "I'm not leaving Jake" she said with a frown and as if she was in pain.

"Bella" a soft sob escaped my lips. I walked until I was in front of her. I fell to my knees – a sobbing mess – and took her hands into my own. "I'm begging you, Love, please don't marry him. I love you so much, Bella" I begged. Even though I knew I've already lost, I still had to try. I still took a chance and hoped – prayed – that she would see that she was making a mistake by marrying Jake.

She pulled her hands out of mine. My head dropped, my chin resting on my chest, as everything came tumbling down. Tears escaped my eyes and dropped onto the thick carpet of the hotel room. My chest burned and my hand automatically started rubbing soothing circles where my heart was situated. I rubbed harder as the pain increased…

"If you really, truly love me…forget about me, Edward" she cried. "I'm not good for you; not good enough…if you really love me, prove it; walk away" she said.

I slowly raised my head and met her eyes; cold, bitter eyes stared back at me. Not even a sign of remorse or even a sign to have showed me that she wasn't serious. Her eyes displayed dead-fucking-seriousness. She clenched her jaw, her nostrils flared and her eyes were puffy and wild.

"You want me to prove to you how much I fucking love you by walking away from you and never look back?" I asked incredulously. She was serious on Sunday when she requested that I leave her alone. She was dead fucking serious.

"Yes" she answered flatly. I stood up from my knees and took her hands in mine again. I felt her go rigid, but I held tightly so she wouldn't have been able to pull away again.

_**In fields where nothing grew but weeds,**_

_**I found a flower at my feet,**_

_**Bending there in my direction,**_

_**I wrapped a hand around its stem,**_

_**I pulled until the roots gave in,**_

_**Finding there what I'd been missing,**_

_**(The Good left Undone – Rise Against)**_

"I have tried everything to prove to you how much I fucking love you. I am at loss for words at your request, but" I clutched my shirt where my heart was pounding painfully hard. "But, if that's what you want, if that's something I have to do to prove to you just how fucking much I love you and how much you mean to me, I'll do it. I'll walk away, Bella, and never look back, hoping that someday you'll find it in your heart to forgive me and come back to me where I'll always be waiting for you" I smiled sadly.

Bella was standing in front of me with her hands clasped in front of her mouth. Tears poured out of her eyes.

"W-w-what?" she stuttered.

"I pulled you away from your family when we were seventeen years old. I pulled you out of school to fulfill **my** dreams. I led you into a life that you hated from the very beginning – you were a beautiful flower and I pulled you from your field where you've always blossomed and stood out. I pulled your roots out because I was selfish in my own ways…and I can see now that your petals dried over the years and that you weren't blossoming anymore. I killed your beautiful soul, Bella" I whispered as I wiped the tears from my face. "I see now that I was the selfish one by keeping you with me when you clearly wanted to be someplace else. I have always loved you, Bella, and I always will. You are my life, but I'm clearly not yours – not anymore anyways" I bit down on my fist to stifle the sob as I stared into her tearing eyes.

"I don't blame you for not forgiving me. I don't blame you for not loving me, Bella" I whispered with a thick throat. "I understand! I really do. I had my chance and I blew it by choosing a stupid fucking band. Jacob Black was always there for you, and he would choose you over anything and everything" I sniffled.

I smiled as a single tear rolled over the brim of my eye and crept down my cheek. I sniffled softly, desperately trying to be brave, and maybe not to ruin any more of Bella's life.

"I've loved you since I was six years old, but truly realized the meaning of those feelings when we turned sixteen and made love for the very first time. You were my life and I watched you walk out of my life because of a stupid fear I had. I don't deserve you or your love…I don't even deserve Tristan's love, but God knows that I need his love, now more than ever" I said while tears soaked my face.

I took her hands away from her mouth, leaned forward and gently locked my lips with hers. I kept the kiss chaste because I promised myself that I would never kiss her passionately again unless she asked me to. It took everything I had to pull my lips away from hers, knowing that it would be the last time I had the privilege to kiss those lips.

"I'm sorry for all the heartache I've caused you, Bella. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to support you through your pregnancy and through Tristan's life. I'm even sorry that I wasn't here to protect you after Abbey's father died, but most of all, I'm sorry that I had hurt you so much that you feel the need to marry someone else just to feel save" I whispered sadly. Her eyes widened at my apologies and her lips quivered a little.

"How do you look at the girl you love and say goodbye?" I asked more to myself than to her. I swallowed hard before I took her hands away from her mouth again. I kissed each hand softly before I looked into her eyes again. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I cupped her cheeks.

"I'll always wait for you, hoping that Jake would fuck up so you'll come back to me. I can't live without you, but I have to try – not for you or me, but for my son and Abbey. I love you, Bella, and I'm proving to you just how fucking much by walking away. You can never doubt me after this" I sobbed. "I'm returning this precious flower to the dirt, and pray that you'll grow again, blossoming like you always did before I took you away" I smiled sadly.

_**Inside my hands these petals browned,**_

_**Dried up, fallen to the ground**_

_**But it was already too late now.**_

_**I pushed my fingers through the earth,**_

_**Returned this flower to the dirt,**_

_**So it could live. I walked away now.**_

_**(The Good Left Undone – Rise Against)**_

The heartache was enough to kill me. My head argued with my heart, but my heart knew that it was already too late. She had made up her mind and there was no way in hell that I was going to change it. I had tried to win her heart back and I failed. If Bella still loved me she would have left Jake and called the wedding off.

"You look beautiful, Love. Jake's a very lucky guy" I tried to smile, but the heartache was just too painful. Fuck, I knew I had to walk away, but it was just so fucking hard and painful. It felt as if my feet were stuck in dried cement, and I was unable to move. Then I remembered about Jake's visit and I wanted to test Bella…I had no idea why; I wanted to know what happened with Abbey's father.

"Bella, what happened between you and Abbey's father?" I asked.

She paled, eyes widened, lips quivered and her chin wobbled.

"I can't tell you" she whispered.

"Why not?" I pushed. There it was; Jake's words echoed through my mind – _if she loved you she would've told you…she doesn't trust you enough…she doesn't need you._

"I just can't" she said.

I gave her a nod before I finally said the words she had been longing to hear, "This is letting go, Bella" I dropped her hands and sighed deeply before I turned around to leave. I closed the door behind me with a heavy and broken heart.

_**All because of you,**_

_**I haven't slept in so long,**_

_**When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean,**_

_**Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down,**_

_**I'll follow your voice,**_

_**All you have to do is shout it out.**_

_**(The Good Left Undone – Rise Against)**_

"Edward, what happened?" Rosalie asked softly as she stood in front of me.

I smiled through my tears and shook my head with a sad smile. "It's over" I whispered. "I have lost" I added before I tucked my hands into my jacket and walked past her.

"Edward, no-" she said, but I just kept on walking.

Away from Bella.

Away from this hotel.

Away from the memory of what could have been.

_**Like a closing door, I'm slowly shutting down.**_

_**Like a falling leaf, just waiting for the pound.**_

_**Don't even bother, nothing can stop it;**_

_**Tried my best, but I just can't help it.**_

_**It will take a lifetime before I love again.**_

_**You will see me die before I love again.**_

_**Say my last goodbye**_.

(Last Goodbye – Dead by April)

On my way to the beach, I stopped and bough a case of beer. I wanted to be alone; alone and drunk while crying my heart out over my losses. I parked my car and pulled my shoes off before I grabbed my beer and walked to the beach – where I had brought my kids to play every day since Monday. They knew this was my favorite place in all of Seattle.

I threw the beer onto the white sand and plopped down. I opened a beer and took a long swig from the bottle before I stared at the raging ocean. New tears leaked down my cheeks as the pain in my chest became unbearable. I remember this feeling from ten years ago. I remember it as if it was yesterday because the pain never subsided. It was still present, lingering on the surface, just waiting to fuck me over; just like ten years ago.

I remembered the first time I kissed Bella Swan; she was six years old and so tiny and fragile. They have just moved to Forks and I remember that I was in awe at her beauty. I was only six years old, but I knew that she would be my girl one day. I remembered how I kissed her knee after she fell down and scraped it. The tears that streamed from her big brown eyes were heartbreaking, and I knew that I had to make her feel better.

I smiled, taking another swig from the bottle.

We were inseparable from that day forward. We shared everything together; every first and every last.

I don't even know how long I've been sitting here, but Bella's probably walking down that aisle right this moment. The stitches that were holding my heart together tore and my heart started bleeding…like ten years ago. No exceptions…everything was the same; the hurt, anguish, numbness, the emptiness inside my chest where there used to be a heart…

I took another beer and downed the contents of the entire bottle. I wanted this pain to go away. I wanted to feel nothing…

_**I picture you now right in front of me**_

_**Your beautiful eyes looking right at me**_

_**Remember the warmth you used to give me**_

_**I wish I could bring it back**_

_**Wish I could take it back**_

_**(Calling – Dead by April)**_

"Does it have to hurt so badly?" I whispered out loud while standing up. I slowly walked to the ocean and stood in the water. The waves rolled to the shore and washed over my bare feet. I know I wasn't a pussy, but fuck; I was in so much pain…unbearable pain. My hand gripped my shirt where my heart was situated because it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. The pain was indescribable.

_**Can you hear me calling, calling for you?**_

_**Can you hear me screaming, screaming for you?**_

_**It is like I'm naked out in the rain**_

_**Alone and dealing with the pain**_

_**Can you hear me calling**_

_**(Calling – Dead by April)**_

I looked up at the sky and reached out with my arms. "Just take this damn pain away" I yelled into the heavens. My arms came down and jabbed into my hair, pulling hard. "Take this fucking love I have for Bella away…please" I whispered hoarsely, tiredly, sobbingly. I was emotionally drained by the love I had for Bella. I just…I couldn't do this anymore. I wasn't strong enough.

"Edward" I heard her melodic voice, and it soothed the pain away.

I laughed hysterically before my knees buckled and I fell to them. A loud gut-wrenching sob left my mouth!

Fucking great, now I was hearing voices…not any voice…her voice, and it sounded real and so beautiful…

_**All because of you,**_

_**I believe in angels.**_

_**Not the kind with wings,**_

_**No, not the kind with halos,**_

_**The kind that bring you home,**_

_**When home becomes a strange place.**_

_**I'll follow your voice,**_

_**All you have to do is shout it out.**_

_**(The Good Left Undone – Rise Against)**_

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

**A/N: Was it what you expected? Review, Review, Review. I'm eagerly waiting for your responses; thoughts, theories, emotions... Next Chapter's already written and it's just waiting for your reviews LOL…**


	20. Chapter Nineteen Eyes wide open

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Lyrics in this chapter belongs to:

A little more – Skillet

Believe – Skillet

You should know – Dead by April

_**A/N: Wow, wow, wow, wow…you guys blew me away with the reviews I've received on the previous chapter. So much excitement and anxiousness and tears. I appreciate every single review I've received. I enjoyed reading through them. I hope to receive just as many reviews on this chapter…I'll appreciate it even more. Thank you to every reader sticking with BD and me up unto this chapter. I know some of you was about to give up, thank you for having faith – blind faith as one reader called it – in me.**_

_**You have no idea what it did to my heart when half of you reviewed about crying in the previous chapter. It meant so much to me because I cried throughout that entire chapter when I was working on it. I hoped that it would have had the same impact on you as well. **_

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

Chapter Nineteen – Eyes wide open

_**Love is indestructible  
So take a hold  
Sometimes hard to find  
A reason good enough  
I'll stand beside you  
Never leave through it all  
And faith will bring a way  
To the impossible**_

_**(A little more – Skillet)**_

**BPOV**

_You look beautiful, Love. _

I heard his words loud and clear as I walked up the stairs outside of the church. I fisted the sleeve of my father's tux as the awe and reverence – the pure and unadulterated worship – in his eyes appeared before me.

I swallowed hard as Tristan and Abbey's song started.

This was it!

Could I go through with this?

_How do you look at the girl you love and say goodbye?_

The sadness in his voice crippled my heart.

Rosalie's song started and she gave me one last pleading look before she walked into the church.

_I'll always wait for you…_

Please, God, make his voice stop. Please. Please. Please. I couldn't take it anymore.

_I have always loved you, Bella, and I always will. You are my life…_

A low whimper escaped my lips as the wedding march began. Charlie squeezed my hand as the doors flung open. Everyone was standing and staring at me. Awe was written on their faces as I looked at all but twenty people. I ignored one pair of eyes, though, the most important pair on your wedding day, Jake's.

_I'm sorry that I had hurt you so much that you feel the need to marry someone else just to feel save…_

Tears were flowing freely now. No matter how hard I've tried, I couldn't forget his words…his heartache…his tears.

My eyes landed on my children; Abbey's beautiful face was filled with tears and her eyes had a sadness in them that I've never seen before. I choked back a sob. Tristan's emerald green orbs were excruciating to look at. It reminded me of Edward's a few moments ago as he said goodbye to me.

Charlie kissed me after he handed me to Jake. For the first time since I walked into the church, I looked into Jake's eyes. Fear and nervousness were all I saw. A deep frown crinkled his forehead as he looked back into my eyes. I still felt the tears roll down my cheeks.

_I love you, Bella, and I'm proving to you just how fucking much by walking away. You can never doubt me after this…_

A gut-wrenching sob escaped my lips.

"I can't do this" I sobbed out. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this"

I heard the gasps of the guests as it echoed through the church. How could I have hurt the man I love most in this world? How could I have broken him? His heartache was all I saw from the moment he left the hotel room. My children's cries broke my heart. I knew they wanted me to be with Edward, but still I fucking refused. I've not only hurt Edward, but Tristan and Abbey as well.

"Bella" Jacob hissed. "You promised" he reminded me.

I heard Charlie apologized to the guests and asked them kindly to wait outside for a moment. I heard the mutterings as they left the church.

I knew this, I knew I promised him, but never have I felt freer than a moment ago when I said that I couldn't marry him. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Those words broke the chains around my heart and smashed through the walls I've built for so long.

All I kept thinking was that I wanted to get to Edward. I wanted to jump into his arms…arms I've longed for for ten years. I wanted to feel his lips on mine; kissing him freely and the way I remembered…like the night in the hotel room after he discovered that I was in fact Izzy.

Edward proved to me how much he truly loves me. He proved that to me by walking away and letting go. He would give me up because he truly believed that I was in love with Jacob and not him. Jacob, on the other hand, kept reminding me about that stupid fucking promise I made. He held it over my head and it seriously started to feel like some sort of bondage.

"I also promised" I smiled, "since I was six years old, that I would love Edward forever. I made a promise to him that I will be his forever. I will love him forever" I smiled through my cries. It had felt so good to have said those words out loud. I wanted to shout it to the world. I wanted to…no, I needed to tell Edward.

What the fuck had happened to me? Why had I felt the need to push Edward away?

_The rape…_my heart and mind reminded me. I shook my head…

I have forgotten about that. Would he still want me if he knew? Would he think that I was damaged and not worthy?

Fuck, these insecurities were killing me.

It wouldn't have mattered whether he wanted me or not; I wasn't going through with the wedding. I couldn't…

"No, Bella, you can't do this" Jacob grabbed my arms. I hissed in pain as his fingers dug into my flesh.

Charlie's hand wrapped around Jake's and threw him off of me.

"Get your hands off of my daughter" he hissed.

"Charlie-"

"Bells, do what you have to" he interrupted Jacob.

I looked up at my father in shock. I had thought that he was going to fight me on this. I had thought that he was going to remind me of what Jake had done for me and my children. But, he hadn't. He took my hands in his and kissed them before he looked back into my eyes.

"I have kept Edward from you when he came looking for you. I knew how much you loved him and that you were pregnant, but I kept him from you. I was so scared that he was going to hurt you again" Charlie whispered. "I see now, that I shouldn't have interfered. I know how much that boy loves you, Bells, I saw it ten years ago when he came to our house and begged me – crying – to tell him where you were. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Bella" he cried.

"Dad-"

"Go, Bella, go to him" he urged me.

"I don't know where he is" I shook my head.

"Mom, I know" Tristan smiled crookedly at me.

I crouched down – ignoring Jacob completely – and held my arms out for my children. They wrapped their arms around me and hugged me fiercely.

"I'm so sorry; I'm so sorry my babies" I cried while holding them tightly. "I ignored your pleas and was so stubborn. I wasn't seeing clearly-"

"Mom, we love you and we just wanted to see you happy. We accepted your relationship with Jake because we only wanted for you to be happy" Tristan interrupted me. "And I don't mean to be rude, or anything, but you should go to Dad" he smiled.

I chuckled before I ran my fingers through his untamable hair. He looked so handsome in his tux and so fucking grown-up. I looked at my daughter; beautiful was an understatement. I ran my fingers down her face, eliciting a beautiful smile.

"I'm sorry, baby-girl, so sorry" I whispered.

"It's okay, mommy, but Trissie is right, you need to find daddy" she pouted. I gasped.

"Daddy, hey?" I asked.

"Yup," she pouted with a nod, "He is my daddy in every way" she explained. My heart soared. Yes, Edward was a father to Abbey in every way. Not even Jake was that close to Abbey, and Jake had known Abbey since she was born.

"Bella, you can't do this to me" Jake hissed again, interrupting my moment with my children.

I slowly stood up and sighed heavily.

"Jake, I'm not marrying you today. I'm sorry, but I just can't bind myself to someone I only love as a friend. You mean so much to me, Jake. Your friendship has meant the world to me…you've helped me through some pretty horrible shit, and I'll always be grateful to you. I just can't bind myself to you…I'm sorry" I sighed. I never wanted to hurt Jacob…that was the last thing I wanted to do. It broke my heart to have done this to Jake…

"He betrayed you once, Bella, what makes you think he won't do it again?" Jake spat. "He doesn't even know about-"

"Don't you dare say anything in front of my children, Jacob Black" I interrupted him quickly. "You just proved to me how big of a mistake I would have made if I married you today" I glared back at him.

"Bella, I do love you, please, please don't do this to me. I just can't live without you" he said sadly, tears building in his eyes.

I shook my head. His tears hadn't the same effect on my heart as Edward's. Edward's tears tore through my heart in a way I wouldn't even be able to describe. I've hurt Edward ten years ago…and I've crippled him again moments ago after I so abruptly lied to him. The pain, the mortification in his eyes after I've told him that I had no love for him whatsoever…

I couldn't even think about it…

"I'm sorry, Jake" I whispered softly. I turned back to Tristan.

"You said you know where your dad is?" I asked him with a fluttering heart. I was a nervous wreck…not knowing how Edward was feeling right now, how he would feel after I've told him about Sam.

"Yup" he smiled.

"So" I waved my arms, "where is he?" I chuckled.

_**I'm still trying to figure out how to tell you I was wrong  
I can't fill the emptiness inside since you've been gone  
So is it you or is it me?  
I know I said things that I didn't mean  
But you should've known me by now**_

_**(Believe – Skillet)**_

Emmett and Rosalie accompanied me to the outside where Emmett hailed a cab for me. Emmett paid the cab driver and they both wished me luck as I climbed into the taxi. The taxi driver looked at me questioningly when I got in with my dress and told him that I wanted to go to the beach Tristan had told me about. I had no fucking time to get out of the dress as I was anxious to get to Edward.

My heart fluttered the entire way, knowing that I was on my way to pledge my love to Edward. Hoping, praying that he would believe me. I wouldn't blame him if he couldn't believe me as I told him the blackest of blasphemies, ever!

Ever since I had left Edward, Jake was there. At first he was the friend any girl would die to have. He was there when I cried for Edward. He was there when I found out I was pregnant; consoling me, encouraging me. He stood by me through the Sam-situation. He never left my side after what happened with Sam.

Jake practically lived with Rosalie and me. I wouldn't let him leave me alone at nights. I clung to him after I had nightmare after nightmare. I had cried numerous times in his arms, not only because of what Sam had done to me, but because I couldn't fucking remember what that fucker had done to me.

Jake was so good to me and my children, and after Abbey's birth, I thought I had fallen in love with Jacob. He was constantly in my life and I had felt this need for Jake. I felt dependent on him and when he was at his house, I longed for him. I missed him whenever he went away on business trips.

Edward was still there, but I managed to push his memory aside – burying him very deep. I had thought that I was over Edward and when Jacob kissed me for the first time, I kissed him back. It was different – I had to admit -, but in a way it had felt right. Soon, my lips had gotten familiar with Jake's and we took our relationship to the next level – sex.

The first time was absolutely horrifying. We never even got to the sex-part because as soon as I was naked with a very eager Jake on top of me, I cracked. Jake wasn't even mad, but he wrapped my body in his sheets and held me the entire night. We then decided to take things slow…dry humping like fucking teenagers, at first, and then he pleasured me with his fingers and tongue.

It never felt right…it never felt like it had with Edward. Edward's touch was like magic. Whenever he touched me with his rough guitar-played fingers, my girly bits would turn into a flowing river. That was just by fucking touch…

Every intimacy I've shared with Jake felt wrong. I never felt that connection, that spark that you're supposed to feel when you truly love someone. Again, I ignored the signs and figured that it was because I once had the best lover – whom knew my body inside and out, whom knew every detail by fucking touch.

When I ran into Edward at _Twilight_, I knew my feelings for Jake was nothing more than friendship. I knew the first time Edward kissed me in that hotel room that Edward would always be the only man for me. I knew when he had his hands in my bikini bottom – in the Jacuzzi – that he would always be the only one who would be able to turn me on by a single touch. That he would always be the one – the only one – who knew what I wanted and what I needed.

Still, I fucking fought against my feelings. Not only because of Jacob, but because of my own insecurities and fears. I have fucked up my own life. I was a selfish bitch ten years ago, expecting him to give up his career – something he fucking loved so much – just to marry me. I wanted to be his center of attention and when he refused to give in, I threw a tantrum and walked away.

I didn't deserve Edward's forgiveness. I sure as hell didn't deserve his love…unconditional love, which I had no doubt about. Why had I broken his heart before I opened my fucking eyes? Why had I denied him when he begged me so desperately not to marry Jake?

_Because you're a coward. Because you're selfish. Because you're afraid. _My heart answered for me.

I shook my head. It still hadn't given me the right to have treated Edward like shit. It still hadn't given me the right to have broken his heart. It still hadn't given me the right to have made him believe that I was in love with Jake and not with him.

I had no idea why I was so damn persistent in marrying Jacob. I had no fucking idea why? All I could think was that I wanted to prove to myself that Edward meant nothing to me. I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't need him. I wanted to prove to myself that walking away from him ten years ago was the best thing I had ever done. I wanted to prove to myself that my love for Edward was dead.

I snorted.

Big fucking mistake.

My love for Edward would never die. My love for Edward was stronger today than ever before.

"Miss, are you alright?" the cab driver asked me.

I chuckled.

"I'm more than alright, actually" I smiled. "I'm in love"

"Aren't you supposed to be at a church, getting married?" he asked, shaking his head a little.

"No, I'm headed to where I'm supposed to be" I sighed in contentment. "To the love of my existence"

He shook his head and kept driving. He must have thought that I was crazy…maybe I was. One thing I knew, though, I was crazy in love.

"Here you go, Miss" the cab driver said again after he stopped at the beach I requested.

"Thank you" I smiled as I got out.

I carefully slipped out of my shoes and picked them up. I held my shoes in my one hand while my other held my dress up.

I sighed hard and took a deep breath before I made my way to the white sand. My eyes scanned the beach, frantically searching for his silhouette. My heart jumped to my throat when I saw someone standing in the cold water. The wild beating of my heart – as I walked closer – told me that it was Edward.

My heart completely broke when I saw him with his arms above his head, yelling for someone to take his pain away. Tears escaped my eyes as his pain coursed through my body. My knees grew weak at his pain.

"Take this fucking love I have for Bella away…please" I heard him whisper and that crippled me. The thought of losing him…the mere thought of him not loving me anymore killed me.

"Edward" I said from behind him. He hadn't turned around, but instead he fell to his knees and started laughing. It wasn't the warm laughter I used to love so much about him, it was cold and excruciating.

I dropped my shoes in the sand and slowly walked towards him.

"I need you to still love me" I whispered as I placed my hand on his shoulder. He startled before he abruptly stood up and looked at me.

_**I am trying so hard...**_

_**You should know**_

_**I am falling to pieces without you near**_

_**You should know**_

_**I'm not able to go on without you near**_

_**Want you to know!**_

_**Try to breathe, try to sleep, try to feel**_

_**But without you near**_

_**Cannot breathe, cannot sleep, cannot feel**_

_**Love without you near...**_

_**(You should know – Dead by April)**_

"Bella" he whispered. My name rolled off of his lips and there was no sound more beautiful than hearing my name come out of his mouth.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands as if he was dreaming…as if he couldn't believe that I was actually standing in front of him.

"I had to find you-"

"Why? To gloat about your marriage…to get one last punch in" he interrupted me with a snort. "You shouldn't have come…go be with your fucking husband" he said snidely.

His words were venomous, yet I could hear the excruciating pain seeping from them. He was angry, yet broken at the same time. I couldn't blame him; I've hurt him…chosen another man…threw his love back into his face.

"You're wrong, you know?" I chuckled nervously. I swiftly wiped the tears from my face.

"About what?" he spat. His eyes displayed hurt and I knew he was keeping up a front by being rude. I was like that once and know now just how much my rudeness and anger must have hurt him because his words, his anger, his rudeness almost killed me. The old Bella would have turned around and left, but not now, now I promised myself that I was going to say exactly what I came here to say. I was going to tell him how much I fucking loved him and I was going to tell him about….about the rape. I had to get everything out and hoped, prayed that he would forgive me for treating him like shit, for lying to him.

"You didn't kill my soul, Edward" I smiled. He frowned in confusion, resting his hands on his hips. "I killed my own soul because I was selfish and wanted you to myself. I always had your undivided attention when we grew up, but when you started the band; I had to share you with the entire world. It pissed me off" I laughed. "I wasn't used to not seeing you and I sure as hell wasn't used to not having you around all the time. I was jealous and acted like a spoiled little brat"

"Bella, what the fuck are you talking about? Just say what you came to say and leave me alone, please" he sighed. He looked tired; physically and emotionally. My heart splintered at the sight of new tears flowing down his beautiful face.

"I forgive you, Edward Cullen" I smiled and it felt amazing. My heart blossomed and felt so much lighter than it used to. "I forgive you for choosing the band. I forgive you for not wanting to marry me. I forgive you for breaking my heart. I forgive you for rejecting me" I said without taking breaths. My heart jumped to my throat as the nervousness seeped through my veins.

"Thank you" he looked away from me, but I saw the river of tears stream down his cheeks. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed hard, over and over again.

"That's not all I came to say, Edward" I walked closer to him until I was standing in front of him.

"You shouldn't be here, Bella, you should be with your husband" he choked the words out. My own tears flowed freely now as I had to look into his broken and empty eyes. His heartache was enough to kill me…

I shook my head, placed my hand over his soft lips and smiled broadly. My heart was in a fluttering mess as the next words escaped my lips; "I love you, baby, so fucking much that it hurts to breathe. I love you, Edward. I've never stopped loving you-"

"W-w-what" his eyes widened as he stuttered. "It's too late, Bella" he cried.

I gasped, took a step backwards as his words felt like daggers stabbing through my heart. I gasped for breath…I was too late. He was too hurt and too angry…

"You already married that fucker-"

My head shot up at his words. He thought I was already married? He thought I just came here to tell him that I love him and then go back to Jake…was he for real?

"No, Edward, you don't understand" I started laughing. "I couldn't marry Jake…I stopped the wedding, Edward, because I'm in love with someone else. I couldn't bind myself to another man while my heart and soul longs for you"

"Bella…" he started sobbing, falling to his knees. I dropped to my knees next to him and cradled his face between my hands.

"Bella, Love, please tell me I'm not dreaming?" he gently cradled my face between his perfect hands. I leaned into them, needing his touch.

"You're not dreaming, Edward, I'm here and I love you so much. I love you and I'm sorry for not seeing it sooner…I'm sorry for the heartache I've caused you" I sobbed. "Please tell me that I'm not too late" I sobbed with him. "Please tell me that you still love me and that you still want me" I begged through sobs.

He gave me a chaste kiss, silencing me.

"A few moments ago, I had no idea how I was going to live without you. I had no idea how I was going to go on with my life and be happy. I had no idea how I was going to keep on living for Tristan and Abbey…" he said, shaking his head. "The pain was…fuck, the pain was just too much. It was worse than ten years ago, Bella. I seriously wanted to die because I've lived without you for ten years and hell was a fucking understatement for what I went through. I just…I just couldn't see myself living another ten without you" he smiled and it was the most beautiful smile I've ever seen…it had lit his emerald eyes up; displaying love, joy and happiness. "I love you, Bella, I love you" he whispered.

"Edward, I know we have a lot to talk about" I whispered, "but could you please just kiss me before we have that talk" I requested hoarsely; anxiously waiting for his answer.

"You never have to ask me to kiss you, love, but I've been waiting for that question for almost two months" he chuckled, sparks igniting his eyes.

His thumbs made a trail on my cheeks and he tilted his head down so that our lips were almost touching, hovering just a breath away. He was so close that I could feel his eyelashes slowly sweep over my cheek as he blinked.

I shivered.

"I've waited far too long for this, love, I love you" he whispered huskily, his icy breath caressing my lips.

My breathing caught in my throat and my lips parted almost indiscernibly before he captured them with his own. The kiss was slow, and gentle, and sweet. My eyes slid closed and I snaked my arms around his neck so that I wouldn't fall. His sweet and soft lips pressed against mine firmly and it drove me fucking crazy. Our lips molded perfectly as if they were specially made for one another. My body ached for him; his kisses, his touch, his sweet words…

His lips sent sparks and warmth through my body all the way to my big fucking toe. I wanted this feeling of fulfillment and marvelous joy – that left me breathless and brainless – to never end! Tears rolled down my cheeks as the feeling of reverence, awe, love, passion, need, want and fulfillment overwhelmed me.

The whole time he was cradling my face in his large hands as if I was a china doll that could break at any moment. I completely lost myself in that kiss, letting it portray so many of my emotions for him as my lips moved with his.

He pulled away much too soon for my liking, resting his forehead back on mine.

"You have no idea how happy you've made me, Bella" his breath wafted over my face; I was overwhelmed, dizzy and euphoric at the same time.

"I love you. I love you so much, Edward" I cried softly. I never wanted to be apart from him again.

He leaned in so slowly again, I thought my heart would stop beating in my chest, and kissed me very softly. It was torturous and I wanted to jam my tongue down his throat. I tightened my hand around his neck and pulled him in again. He kept the kiss light and just barely brushed his lips against mine, driving me absolutely crazy.

"Kiss me," I complained, wanting so much more than his feathery touch.

He chuckled against my lips, "But I am kissing you, love"

"Kiss me like you mean it, Edward, kiss me the way I remember" I complained. Edward chuckled again. He stood up from his knees and pulled me along with him. I was standing in front of him, waiting in anticipation for what I knew was coming next.

He slowly ran his hands from my shoulders, down my arms before capturing my wrists. Goose bumps erupted down my arms and I shivered. Even the most innocent of touches from Edward made me feel like I was on fire and set my brain into spasms. Spasms of want and desperate need. His fingers formed loose manacles around my wrists and he silently raised my arms until my hands were resting on his shoulders. Then he rested his hands on my waist. And we just stood there staring at each other for an immeasurable amount of time. I couldn't tear my eyes away from Edward's. It was as if he was paralyzing me. And he refused to release me from the spell as he leaned down to kiss my forehead. My eyes slid closed as his lips lingered there. His fingers flexed almost imperceptibly around my waist.

Edward growled when our lips finally touched. His lips vibrated against mine and I moaned out loud. I parted my lips slightly and he sucked my bottom lip between his lips, nibbling gently before he released my lip. He swirled his tongue over my lips, erotically slow. His saliva was warm as he left a trail of it on my lips and as the wind swirled around us, it had blew the saliva cold erupting goose bumps over my body. He took his time worshipping my lips, biting, sucking, nibbling and pulling.

My insides were a wanting mess. I crossed my legs and closed them tightly as the want and need for Edward seeped through my core. I wanted him…I needed him badly.

I moaned out loud and Edward thrust his tongue inside my mouth. My body shivered in his arms as his tongue graced mine slowly. My whole body sizzled with electricity and I kept pulling him closer to me, but it was never close enough. My girly bits were a soaked mess and I kept criss-crossing my legs to give me some sort of friction because this kiss was literally driving me insane. My nails dug into his scalp as I pulled him even closer.

I whimpered, tugging on his hair, eliciting a moan from him. His lips vibrated against mine as he moaned and whimpered. I was overwhelmed, dizzy and euphoric again. Our tongues swiped against each other's while our hands trailed over one another's bodies; feeling, exploring what we've missed over the years. Our hands were everywhere as our tongues danced together. My heart was on fire and my veins sizzled from his kisses and touches.

He pulled away to catch his breath. Both our chests were heaving and hard and fast breaths escaped our mouths. My heart pounded hard against my chest from excitement and love.

"Bella…fuck…" he whispered in reverence as he placed his forehead on mine, closing his eyes and inhaled deeply.

Was this really happening? Was I really in Edward's arms, kissing him, holding him, feeling him?

"I missed you, Edward" I sobbed out; still overwhelmed at everything that had happened. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I said circling my arms around his neck. "Please…just kiss me, Edward, kiss me and never stop" I pleaded. His eyes opened and it was heaven to see the joy displaying in them; utter contentment and awe swirled around in his green orbs and lit them up.

"I love you, Bella, I love you so much" he said and attacked my mouth again. He kissed me with so much love and need.

Our tongues danced together again in perfect synchronization; tasting, searching and sucking. My heart rate accelerated when he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

He caressed my cheeks gently with his thumbs as tears fell down my cheeks. A sob broke within him and I realized that Edward was crying, too. It was too much, all these feelings and emotions swirling through my head…

He slowed our kiss and I whimpered at the loss of contact when he pulled away. His hands slipped down to my hips and held me a few inches away from him. His breathing was hitched and his chest heaved up and down from the passion we shared a moment ago.

He released me, pulling one of his hands through his hair while the other one grabbed his bottom lip and pulled on it. A deep frown creased his forehead and my heart started to pound painfully.

"What's wrong?" I asked insecurely.

"There's one thing I want…" he shook his head, "no, there's one thing I need to know before we can start anything between us" he whispered out of breath.

My heartbeat sprinted, knowing already what he wanted…needed.

"What do you want to know?" I asked fearfully.

He looked at me, took my hand in his and led me to a spot where we could sit down. I noticed the case of beer, but only saw that there was two bottles missing. Was he planning on drinking the entire case?

He helped me to get comfortable – since I was still wearing the stupid dress – and he sat down next to me. He stared into the darkness of the ocean where only the crushing waves were hearable.

"I want to know about Abbey's father, Bella" he simply said. He sighed. "I need to know about him" he sounded desperate.

"I know" I simply whispered. "It's just hard…"

"Bella, I'll be fine if you tell me that you loved him. I get it; I was engaged to Tanya-"

"Edward, no, that's not it at all" I interrupted him. "I've never loved anyone besides you" I whispered. I pulled my knees to my body and hugged them tightly.

"Bella, you can tell me anything, Love. Please, I need to know" he whispered in desperation.

"His name is Sam Uley-"

"Wait, you said 'is'" he interrupted me. "Does that mean-"

"He is not dead" I finished for him.

He gasped, rubbing his forehead viciously.

"Bella, no-"

"Edward, let me finish the story" I begged. He nodded, clasping his hands together over his knees and waited patiently for me to go on.

"I worked at a diner seven years ago and Sam was a regular customer. He was very taken with me" I chuckled dryly. "He was so charming and kind. He always asked me out, but, I wasn't over you so I always said 'no'. Around that same time he asked me to come and work for him" I swallowed. "Of course, I took the job without thinking twice. The pay was fantastic and I really wanted to get my degree in English Lit. so I started working for him" I swallowed again, tears flowed down my cheeks. I sniffled.

Edward looked worriedly at me, trying to take one of my hands, but I pulled back.

"Let me just get this out, please" I pleaded. I stood up and turned my back towards him. I was so afraid of his reaction. I was afraid he would think I was disgusting. Most of all, I was afraid that he wouldn't ever look at me the same way he had moments ago.

"I worked a year for him when he started asking me out again. I finally caved" I sniffled again. "He was making dinner at his house so I went to his house. I had one glass of wine and I remember feeling weird. I remember that I thought it was funny because one glass of wine never did that before…"

"Bella, no…" he gasped. I heard the realization in his gasp. I couldn't turn around and face him. I couldn't face the horror on his face…

I sobbed as my knees buckled and I fell to them.

"I woke up the next morning in his bed, naked and very confused. I had a headache and was much disoriented" I sobbed out. "He came into the room and laughed at me, thanking me for the wildest night he had ever had. I knew something was wrong because I would never…" I whispered in a trembling voice. I was too afraid to look at Edward.

"I would never have done that, I knew it in my heart. He also thanked me for being so submissive. He said that he never expected that from me, but he enjoyed dominating me while fucking me. I remember how scared I was…fuck" I grabbed my head between my hands, "I've never felt more afraid than that morning. He threw my clothes at me – what was left of it anyways – and ordered me to get dressed and get the fuck out of his house" I laughed hysterically while more tears flowed down my cheeks.

"No" I heard Edward whisper again, but I still couldn't look at him.

"My body was stiff and sore, my head was pounding and I felt really weird. I knew he must've done something to my drink, but I couldn't be sure. I got dressed and left as quickly as I could, and went straight to the nearest hospital. They did all sorts of tests, confirmed that I was raped. They wanted to take pictures of my body; there were bruises on my thighs, arms, neck, abdomen, breasts and face. There were whipping marks on my ass and back…looked like he hit me with a belt" I said emotionless and robotically.

"I had to go back for the pregnancy test, but I was in such a state that it never crossed my mind again. They called me back with the results of the blood test and confirmed that I was drugged with _Rohypnol. _They asked me if I wanted to press charges, but I refused. My father was a cop and I know what some of the woman go through…sometimes the fucker walks anyway. I couldn't face the humiliation…so I called Charlie" I chuckled dryly. "He was so pissed that I wouldn't press charges, but I downright refused"

"Bella, please-" I heard him say, but interrupted him because I wanted to get everything out before he said anything.

"Six weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. My life was a fucking mess; I couldn't remember a damn thing Sam had done to me and now I was pregnant. At first, I didn't want the baby. I considered abortion, but when I got to the clinic I threw up and walked away. I considered adoption, which was the safest option for both me and the baby" my heart ached about the thought of giving Abbey away.

I smiled sadly, "Tristan was lying on the bed with me, asking me about my stomach and why it had gotten so big. I explained to him what was happening…and he placed his little hand on my stomach…and Abbey kicked. I fell in love with her then and there. No matter what had happened to me, she didn't ask for this. I knew that I was going to keep her. The love I had for her was so overwhelming, Edward" I cried. "I hated myself for going to that abortion clinic. I hated myself that I hated her in the beginning. I loathed myself for wanting to give her away…" I bawled.

I felt his arms wrap around me as he pulled me into his arms. He held me tightly as I cried into his chest. I realized that his body was shaking, so I looked up and saw that he was crying with me. He shook his head at me and pulled me back to his chest. I felt safe and loved in his arms.

How had I lived ten years without this man?

How had I believed that my love for him was dead?

Edward sat down on the sand and brought me with. I was cradled in his arms on his lap and he gently rocked our bodies together. I had no idea how long we sat like that; Edward whispered soothing words into my ear, comforting me. He whispered that he loved me, but I felt something was off. He was different as if he was holding something back. I couldn't pretend anymore…I wanted to know what he was feeling and what was going through his mind. If we were going to be together there would be no more secrets, no more keeping things inside. We were going to talk to each other…no matter how hard it would be or how painful it would be.

"What's wrong, Edward" I asked fearfully. "And don't say 'nothing'. I can see that something's bothering you…no more secrets, no more lies, no more keeping in" I said.

"Bella" he whispered in a trembling voice. "I'm so sorry"

"It's not your fault, Edward" I shook my head.

He gently wrapped his hands around my arms and pushed me away from him. He walked towards the ocean away from me…my heart ached. It felt like he was rejecting me. I waited for him, refusing to run away again. I was going to fight for his love.

"It is my fucking fault" he yelled. "It's entirely my fault" he started crying.

I had expected rejection. I had expected disgust. I had expected him to tell me that he couldn't be with me after that. I even expected him to tell me that I was damaged goods.

But, I never expected him to blame himself. And quite frankly, he was scaring the hell out of my right now. His outburst almost gave me a panic attack.

Why the fuck would he blame himself?

If anyone was to blame it was me. I shouldn't have let my guard down. I shouldn't have trusted Sam. I shouldn't have gone to his fucking house…

"Edward-"

"Bella, I'm sorry" he hissed. "I'm really sorry about this, but I need to be alone right now" he hissed in anger.

"I…urm…I understand, Edward" I stuttered. His rejection cut my heart open, bleeding me dry.

He moved so fast that I hadn't even saw him until he was in front of me, cradling my face carefully.

"Love" he swallowed, "I'm not rejecting you, and get that shit out of your head about me thinking that you are not good enough" he added.

"How did you-"

He silenced me with his lips, kissing the shit out of me. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and nibbled on it before he let go of me.

"I know you" he gave me another chaste kiss. "I know what you're thinking. Besides, I remember you telling me that you are not good enough for me, less than three hours ago"

"I-"

"Bella, baby, I need to be alone to deal with this. I'm sorry, but I'm so angry right now…" he pinched the bridge of his nose, "I need to be alone…please, love, please understand" he cried again. His beautiful face was swollen, his eyes were puffy and red and full of tears.

I cupped his cheek with my hand and smiled.

"I understand, Edward, I truly do. You need time and I get that…just-"

"Go to Emmett's house and I'll meet you there" he interrupted me. "Forgive me; I'm just too angry to be around anyone right now" his jaw clenched. I could see the inner fight he had with himself; the fight to control his anger. His eyes were almost pitch black and a muscle jumped underneath his eye. His nostrils were flaring and his breathing was hitched and hard.

"I'll see you there, Edward" I decided to leave. I had no fear that he was going to leave me. I had no fear that he was going to reject me. I had absolutely no fear inside of me.

One thing I was sure of was Edward's love for me. He had fucking proved that to me over and over again. I would never doubt that again. If he needed to be alone to deal with what I had told him, then I'll give him time. He had to deal with this in his own way, and if that way was time, then I'll give it to him. He was blaming himself and he sure as hell needed to see that it wasn't his fault.

I sure as hell just hoped that he would come to terms with all of this. I sure as hell hoped that he would see that it wasn't his fault because if he would blame himself, then I had no idea where that would leave our relationship…

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo O**

_**Please don't be mad at Edward…try to see it from his point. He just learned that Bella – the love of his life – was raped. He blames himself because what he had done to her ten years ago. Try and see it from his POV…what do you think is going to happen between Edward and Bella? Will Edward be able to work through his guilt? **_

_**Review with your theories…**_

_**I know it was a short chapter, but I'm having a fucking hard time writing Bella's POV. I'm struggling to express her feelings and to put words into her heart and mouth. This is so frustrating…you can be honest about this chapter…I can take it. I'm thinking about doing everything in Edward's POV from now on…I don't know, for the first time – since I've been writing fiction – Bella is a closed book to me. Be honest about this chapter, please. If you would rather have seen this chapter in Edward's POV…review and tell me, I'll write it in his POV as well…**_

_**Also, please tell me in a review about outtakes that you would like to read. I've received three suggestions so far; Jake, Esme and Carlisle…**_

_**NERVOUS AS HELL…and anxiously waiting for the reviews…**_


	21. Chapter Twenty - My Everything

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Lyrics in this chapter belong to:

An ocean between us – As I lay dying

The truth about my perceptions – as I lay dying

Reinvention – As I Lay Dying

Collision – As I lay dying

Within Destruction – As I lay dying

_**A/N: I am so sorry for updating this late…I had a major case of writers-block. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find words to put into the chapter. I even started a new story hoping that it would trigger something, but to no prevail. I hope that you like this chapter…it was hard writing this…I'll appreciate your honesty!**_

_**Also, I'm sorry for not getting back to you guys on the previous chapter's reviews…I'll try and get back to that on this chapter. I'm truly sorry.**_

oOoOoOoOoO

Chapter Twenty – My Everything

_**I sat ashore and watched**_

_**as one hopeless wave crashed upon another**_

_**while my thoughts ran to the hills**_

_**my heart never reached the sea**_

_**with only delusions of an endless journey**_

_**(An ocean between us)**_

**EPOV**

Her lips were soft and sweet as they molded with mine, moving slowly – erotically – while our tongues danced together. I couldn't help the moans that vibrated through my lips every few seconds; kissing her like this – freely and Bella kissing me back – was a dream come true. I've dreamt about this moment for ten years. My heart felt like exploding from joy, love and euphoria, but at the same time my heart was in excruciating pain after Bella told me about Abbey's father.

I had no idea what to do.

I had no idea where to go from here.

Guilt consumed me and I slowed our kiss as my concentration was elsewhere. I was torn in two; I wanted to spend the whole night with Bella wrapped up in my arms, kissing her, holding her, whispering sweet '_I love you's'_ into her ear, but at the same time I felt too guilty to even look into her eyes.

"I'll wait for you at Emmett's" she whispered. The sadness in her voice broke me a little more. The pain on her beautiful face crushed my heart. But, for the love of me, I couldn't bring myself to go with her. It was as if my feet were stuck in the sand, making it impossible for me to move.

"Okay" I whispered hoarsely. I looked away from her face and stared at the raging ocean and then up at the dark sky. The grey clouds were moving fast and I knew it was going to rain soon.

I sighed.

It was twilight; the time of day I used to hate with everything inside of me. It was the time of day that I had the most difficult time coping without Bella. It was the time of day that I would usually use drugs and would drink myself into a coma.

I looked back at the most beautiful woman on this earth.

Twilight will never be the same again because I had the woman I loved back in my life.

"I don't know what's going on inside your head" she whispered, cupping my cheeks in her delicate hands. "But, don't push me away. Don't let this ruin us, Edward, I'm begging you. I can understand that you need time and I'll give you all the time in the world, but don't let it ruin your love for me. What happened wasn't your fault-"

I huffed.

"It wasn't. These things happen, Edward" she argued.

"I'll see you at Em's house, Love" I dismissed her. The anger fueled through my veins causing my heart to burn like hell. I felt my fingers tremble and I quickly made a fist to calm myself down.

"I love you" she whispered and kissed me softly. Her words labored my breathing; my body sizzled with electricity and elicited goose bumps all over. I've longed for those words, fuck, how I've _longed_ for them. I just had to ruin our reconciliation with my stupid fucking questions. I just had to know about Abbey's father right at this moment…I couldn't have waited one day, no, I had to know now.

Tonight was supposed to be magical. It was supposed to be perfect in every way…we were back together, after ten years, we were back together. I had my family back…

"Love you, too" I whispered back.

She let go of my face and turned to walk away.

"Bella, wait" I said, reaching for my keys in my pocket. Her eyes displayed hopefulness and I felt like kicking myself. I handed her the keys, "Take my car, I'll give Emmett a call when I'm ready to come home" I explained. She simply nodded and took the keys from my hand.

I watched how Bella walked away from me. My chest felt empty as if she had taken my heart with her. My soul was dark because she was the light.

I went back to my spot where I had left the case of beer. I took one bottle out of the case and opened it, twirling the bottle around in my hands, looking at it as if it had the answers I was looking for. I took a swig, but it had left a vulgar aftertaste in my mouth. My feet carried me to the ocean where there were a few big rocks.

The raging anger I've felt since she had told me about what that fucker had done to her, came back to the surface and I literally exploded. I threw the bottle against the rocks and screamed until I fell into a sobbing mess. Every now and then I would scream from the anger and pain that consumed my heart.

"Why the fuck did it happen to her?" I yelled into the heavens, sobbing with my head between my hands. "Why her?" I whispered.

My chest burned from sobbing. I wanted to kill that fucker. I wanted to hunt him down and destroy him.

The thought of what he had done to her, taking advantage of her in that way, fueled my anger even more.

I was enraged at Sam.

I was enraged at Charlie for letting him get away.

I was enraged at Bella for walking away from it as if it was nothing? I was fucking furious at her for not pressing charges…letting Sam get away with raping her. Why hadn't she done anything?

I realized that if she hadn't left me that she never would have been raped…

It was my fault. I had done that to Bella. It was as if I had done that horrible crime to her. As if I was an accomplice to that vulgar deed.

I should have chosen her. I should have agreed to marry her when she had asked me to, instead of walking out of that hotel room.

None of this would have happened if I had only chosen her.

I've lived a simple life; numb, but simple. While she had gone through hell; raising Tristan on her own, getting raped, and raising another child on her own…

How could I ever forgive myself for everything she had gone through?

How could she have forgiven me so easily? Yes, I said easily, because even though she had a hard time forgiving me, it was still too easy for her. She should hate me for what I had done to her. She should despise my fucking guts…

Still, she came back after she had left Jake at the altar. She came back and pledged her love…

I never deserved any of it. Her love, forgiveness and reverence…I hadn't deserved it, but still I craved it like the selfish bastard I was. I fucking needed Bella like I needed air to breathe…like my heart needed blood to pump through my veins. I couldn't even imagine losing her again…it would kill me this time. It would literally destroy me…

I groaned while rubbing soothing circles around my chest where the pain was almost unbearable.

Was our life not fucked up enough? Had someone thought we needed more pain, more suffering, more challenges? Why couldn't our broken relationship be enough? Why the need to add to the bullshit that was going on around us?

Why the fuck was life so cruel and so fucking unfair?

If I had chosen Bella…

I shook my head and bawled.

Abbey!

Abbey wouldn't have been here. My beautiful princess wouldn't be on this planet was it not for what Bella had gone through.

I grabbed my head between my hands and screamed again.

I couldn't even imagine life without Abbey. She was in every thought I had. My heart crushed at the thought of Abbey not being alive. How could something so beautiful come from something so vulgar and horrific?

Why couldn't I regret anything?

Why couldn't I regret everything that had happened to Bella and me?

I was a fucking monster. A real piece of shit that never deserved Bella or her love. If I had to go back to ten years ago – knowing I would have Abbey in my life – I would fucking do everything exactly the same.

Have I gone crazy?

How could I even look at Bella with these thoughts and feelings? How could I look into her eyes and say that I loved her while my heart was torn in two; I wished that Sam never existed, but at the same time, he gave me Abbey. How could I – anyone – wish her away? She was the beauty that came from Bella's horrific situation. She was the sunlight…the joy of our lives.

My chest was on fire from all the sobbing and dry heaving. My throat was scratchy and sore from all the screaming and crying, and I felt thirsty. I refused to open another bottle of beer because I wouldn't soothe my pain with alcohol. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never fall off the wagon again by drinking myself numb.

Still, there was a need inside of me…an urgency that I couldn't explain. My heart and soul longed for something, anything to numb this pain. My heart and soul longed for…

I started crying uncontrollably as I realized what the need was inside of me.

Tristan.

Abbey.

Bella.

My heart and soul needed, wanted and longed for them.

They were my drugs…

They were my alcohol…

I knew that Bella and I had a long way to go, but I also knew that we would only be able to move forward together. Not with me sitting on a beach while she was at home with our children. I needed to be with them. I needed to feel their arms around me.

I had to talk to Bella about our relationship. About that fucker Sam. About our future.

_**For I know the truth of my perceptions**_

_**Nothing in life matters more**_

_**More than You**_

_**(The truth of my perceptions)**_

I fished my phone out of my pocket and dialed Emmett's number.

"I'm on my way" he answered the phone and hung up. Bella must have told him where I was and that I would call him when I was ready. I had no idea what I would have done without Emmett. He had saved me time after time…

It took Emmett about thirty minutes to get to me. He looked worried. His face reminded me of ten years ago when Bella left. I sighed. I felt like shit for causing him worry.

I opened the back door and placed the case of beer on the seat. I thought about leaving it on the beach, but then some teenagers might find it and finished it off. I then climbed into his Jeep and sighed.

"Edward, bro, I don't know what the fuck is going on" his fingers tightened around the steering wheel. He turned to look at me, "But, seeing as Bella came to my house in a sobbing mess, I'm guessing that something horrible happened between the two of you-"

"Em" I sighed. "You've got everything wrong"

"Really?" his eyes widened before a deep frown crinkled his forehead. "Why is she in such a fucking state, Edward?" he almost yelled.

My heart ached at the thought of Bella crying. I had sent her away because I was a selfish fuck…I needed fucking time to calm down while she went through ten years of hell.

"It's not my story to tell" I whispered in defeat. If Bella wanted Emmett to know she would have told him…it wouldn't have felt right telling Emmett. It would felt like I had betrayed Bella.

"So everything is fine between you and Bella?" he asked skeptically.

I smiled broadly. My heart rate picked up.

"When she called out my name, fuck, Em" I ran my fingers through my hair before I continued, "My heart was going to burst from happiness and love. I really thought our love was ruined when she sent me away earlier"

"I saw the uncertainty in her eyes when she walked down the aisle" he started saying, "I could see the fight she had with herself inside her head and heart while walking towards Jake. It was as if her mind was someplace else. I prayed that she would stop the wedding" he smiled. "When she said she couldn't do it, I made a fist pump in the air while my heart screamed in relief. All I could think about the entire time was you, Edward. I was afraid of what it was going to do to you" his voice trembled a little. It was weird seeing my big brother in such a state over me.

"It would have destroyed me, Em, but, Tristan and Abbey would have kept me alive" I admitted.

"Do you want to go for a drink before we head home?" he asked before he started the Jeep.

I shook my head. "No, I want to get back to my family" I smiled. My heart was still sore and I still felt furious for everything Bella went through, but I knew that we could deal with it together. I refused to let Sam turn into another stumbling block on mine and Bella's path.

Emmett smiled as he looked at the almost full case of beer.

"I'm proud of you, Edward" he said as we drove off to his house.

"Thanks" I smiled proudly.

The closer we came to Emmett's house, the more nervous and anxious I got. I had asked Bella for time and watched her walk away from me…again! I still had no idea if I was ready to deal with this, but my heart and soul needed her right now. I needed to be with her; close to her and holding her straight through the night.

"How is Tristan and Abbey?" I asked Emmett before we turned into his driveway.

"They were upset to have seen only Bella return. And, with the state she was in it didn't help them relax" he sighed. "I took them for ice-cream while Rose and Bella talked. Abbey kept asking where you were" he smiled before he added, "She wanted to know where her daddy was"

I smiled and imagined how her voice sounded while she asked for me. I could see that little pout that would form on her cute little lips whenever she feels sad or really annoyed. It broke my heart to realize that she would have had a sad pout on her lips while asking for me.

"Abbey and Tristan went to bed a few minutes before you called me" he said. "They were pretty bushed after the hectic day they had"

"I wish I could have seen their faces when Bella called off the wedding" I smiled, knowing how much they wanted Bella and me to get married.

"They had the brightest smiles I've ever seen on their faces. Plus, they encouraged her to get to you as soon as possible while Jake kept hold of her wrist and begged her to stay with him" he chuckled warmly.

"Where's Bella now?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Your room"

"Alice and Jasper?"

"They went out for the night. I think they wanted to give Rosalie and Bella some privacy" he answered.

We got out of the Jeep and I followed Emmett into the house. We found Rosalie in the kitchen where she was cleaning up. Her eyes met mine as soon as I walked into sight.

"I understand that you are angry and that you need time" she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks, "But, if you hurt her, Edward, I swear I'll fucking kill you" she hissed, wiping the tears angrily.

"I'll never hurt her" I said and Rose huffed, so I added, "again"

She nodded and smiled through her tears. "She's pretty messed up right now" she sighed.

"I'm sor-"

"Edward, you don't have to apologize to me. It's Bella that needs to hear that right now. Go to her and we'll talk in the morning" she interrupted me. She gave me a quick hug before she pushed me out of the kitchen. Emmett's laughter echoed through the house as I slowly walked up the stairs. With every step my heart pounded harder and harder. With every step my throat constricted, almost suffocating me to death.

I hoped and prayed that she wouldn't judge me for sending her away. I hoped that she would still want me…even though I didn't deserve her.

My heart was beating wildly when my hand reached for the knob and turned it softly. I gasped in pain when her tiny body was pulled into a fetus position on my bed. She was wearing one of my shirts and nothing else. She was asleep, but her face was strained as if in pain and she was very restless.

I walked into the room and closed the door softly. I grabbed some dry clothes and disappeared into the bathroom where I wanted to take a quick shower. Her wedding dress was on the floor and my heart ached at the thought of how close I came to losing her today. Tears burned my eyes because I couldn't even have thought about it without falling apart. It was so close…

I quickly rid of my close and jumped into the shower. The warm water was welcome as it relaxed the stiff muscles in my body. I was anxious to get to Bella, but I had beach sand over my entire body and it irritated me. After I showered, I grabbed the towel and quickly dried my body before I slipped into sweatpants and a t-shirt.

She stared at me when I walked back into the room. I sighed. I had hoped that I had time to steal a few kisses before she woke up and before we had to face reality. I wanted my time with her to last a while longer before she would come to her senses and leave me again. Before she could realized that I was a fucking loser and not worthy of her love.

"Hi" I whispered hoarsely.

"Hi" she whispered back in a trembling voice. Her face was blotchy and her eyes were puffy and red from all the crying.

We stared at each other without saying anything. Fresh tears escaped her eyes and ran into her beautiful hair.

"Come here" she sounded uncertain and desperate at the same time. I slowly made my way to her and dropped to my knees in front of her. I let my head fall on the bed at her stomach and started crying. Her soft and lean fingers ran through my hair before she rested her hand on my head. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.

"I'm sorry, Love, so fucking sorry" I bawled. I felt her body shaking and raised my head to look at her sobbing face. She was biting her lip to stifle her sobs. My heart shattered into a million pieces at the sight of a broken Bella. My broken Bella whom I turned my back on.

It took me all but two seconds to scoot her up and lay down next to her on the bed. She quickly crawled back into my arms where I held her for almost an hour, letting her cry her heart out. I kept repeating how much I loved her over and over again until I felt her calm down in my arms.

"Would you like something to drink?" I asked.

She shook her head, "No, I need to talk to you" she whispered softly. My heart plummeted and I knew what was coming. She was going to tell me how disappointed she was and that she was too good for me. She was going to tell me that it was over before it even started.

"Okay" I said and we sat up on the bed. We sat Indian style facing each other. "Let's talk" I said while my heart was breaking.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"You're asking me if I'm okay?" I asked in disgust. How could she be so selfless?

"You were in bad shape when I left you on the beach and I was worried about you" she explained.

"Baby, I'm angry and sad that I wasn't there to protect you. I'm angry at myself for letting you leave ten years ago because if I had chosen you-"

"Don't" she whispered.

"I can't help it" I whispered back sadly.

"It wasn't your fault, Edward"

"Bella, I'm sorry about what happened to you" I swallowed hard, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself"

"Where does this leave us?" she asked and I frowned. This wasn't what I had expected. I thought she was going to send me packing.

"Where do you want us to be?" I asked instead of answering her.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she reached forward and placed her palm gently on my cheek. "I still want you, Edward" she swallowed hard before her hand dropped – causing a deep earthquake in my heart – and looked away from me. "I mean, that's if you still want me" she added shakily.

"Bella, look at me" I whispered with emotion and waited patiently for her eyes to reconnect with mine. "I always want you, love, always. Nothing can ever change that. My love for you will never die…" I whispered. "No matter what happened in the past"

Her shoulders started shaking as she fell into a sobbing mess. I scooted closer to her and pulled her to me. She grabbed my shirt in her fists and cried loudly as I rubbed her back soothingly. My lips kissed her head every now and again.

"I love you so much" she finally cried with hiccups. I chuckled because she reminded me of Abbey…in a way.

"I love you, too, baby, more than you'll ever know" I said still chuckling.

I let my fingers run through her beautiful, thick locks and the content sigh that escaped her lips made my heart swell. She placed a soft kiss on my neck before a long yawn rolled off of her lips. I chuckled softly before I kissed her forehead.

"Let's get some sleep" I suggested and she nodded without saying anything. I pulled the covers open and pulled Bella – my beautiful Bella – into my bed. She spooned her body against mine, lying with her back against my chest. My arm rested on her side and my hand laid flat on her abdomen where my fingers traced small circles.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I know you want to talk about what happened-"

"Shhh" I whispered against her ear, "we'll talk in the morning. Sleep my love"

"Goodnight Ed-" she whispered the last part of my name before she fell into a deep sleep. I could feel her chest rise and fall as she breathed deeply in her sleep. I smiled. I was the happiest man alive. I placed a soft kiss on her head and hid my nose in her strawberry scented hair before I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

_**You brought existence**_

_**To what I never thought could be**_

_**A world where eternity finds description**_

_**I followed a dream only to be left in reality**_

_**You reminded me of the unexplainable**_

_**And then reshaped me by your beauty**_

_**Knowing you has reinvented love in my heart**_

_**The perfection of loves' true existence**_

_**Experienced for the first time**_

_(Reinvention)_

I couldn't begin to explain the pure and unadulterated joy that rippled through my heart when I opened my eyes and saw her dark chestnut hair sprawled all over my chest. I wasn't dreaming. It was real; Bella was here in my bed, in my arms and in my life. She chose me and not Jake…fucker.

Everything felt so easy…too easy. Wasn't there supposed to be some kind of price we had to pay for our happiness? Was everything going to be downhill from here?

I knew we still had shit to sort and figure out. I knew we had a long road ahead of us, but I truly believed that we could do it together because with Bella by my side, I could do anything. I could walk through fire with her by my side.

"Penny for your thoughts?" her sweet voice – thick and rough from sleeping – brought me out of my reverie.

"I was thinking that I was the luckiest man alive" I smiled. She raised her head and placed her forearm on my chest while resting her chin on her arm, looking straight into my eyes. Her dark brown eyes were dilated into a golden almond brown.

"I have put you through hell" she said simply. "I broke your heart after you pledged your love" her eyes closed for a second before she opened them again. "I'm the lucky one, Edward, because you forgave me for crushing your heart"

I gently trailed my index finger down her cheek.

"We're both lucky then" I chuckled.

"Want to have that talk now?" she asked.

"Only if we don't have to move" I smiled, running my fingers down her cheeks again. Every part of my body had missed Bella and it was as if I couldn't get enough of touching her silky skin. I gulped when I thought about sex. I closed my eyes so she wouldn't notice the shadows that crossed my eyes…the absolute pain I felt ripped through my heart and was sure would display in my eyes.

"I wouldn't mind spending forever in this position" she giggled and the sound was heaven.

"Why didn't you press charges, Bella?" I asked in a pained voice.

She sighed.

"I already told you, Edward, I couldn't go through trials and all the shit that goes along with it…just to see him walk away" she said.

"Bella, what if he does that to other woman?" I asked slowly. "When will it stop if everyone has your attitude?"

"There was no evidence that suggested I was raped" she hissed.

"Are you kidding me, Bella, you had bruises over your body – like you told me – you were drugged with the famous 'date-rape-drug' and there was evidence of rape" I hissed back at her in anger.

"I was ashamed and felt humiliated, Edward" she looked away from me, but remained on my chest. "Besides, I couldn't face that man again" she whispered while her chin wobbled.

All of a sudden I had nothing more to say. I had nothing more I wanted to know because I couldn't bear to see her in so much pain. I had asked the question I wanted some answers to and felt there was no need to hear more. She had been through so much, dealt with so much shit, that I hadn't needed to add to her stress. It was a difficult subject – not only for Bella but for me too – and the both of us needed to go forward.

"No more, Love" I whispered, bringing her face back to my sight.

A deep frown formed on her forehead, "I don't understand" she finally said.

"No more talks about Sam and what he had done to you" I explained.

She nodded with a smile and looked relieved. We lay for a couple more minutes just staring at each other.

"Edward" she said my name with uncertainty.

"Yes, love?"

"I have no regret what happened to me" she said softly as if she felt ashamed to have said it.

"Wait, what?" I asked shocked.

"Abbey is my life as much as Tristan is. I can't imagine my life without Abbey, Edward, and I can't regret what happened. Abbey needed to be a part of my life"

"Bella, fuck, you have no idea what you just-"

"I can understand if you're disgusted" she interrupted me.

I quickly sat up and pulled her up into my arms.

"I was thinking the same thing last night while I was struggling with what happened to you" I sighed. "I was furious at first, but then I felt guilty and felt like it was my fault – still feel that way -, but then I thought about Abbey and I couldn't find it in my heart to wish for our lives to have turned out differently. I love Abbey as if she is my daughter, Bella" I sighed. "I felt guilty for even thinking about it last night. I had thought that I was a monster for not regretting how our lives had turned out. Sure, we went through hell – you more than me – but I feel like we had to go through all the shit to come out stronger. I wish I could have spared the both of us the pain and heartache"

"I know what you mean, Edward. I wish for the same thing" she smiled, "but I'll never, never regret Abbey" she smiled the most beautiful smile I've ever seen on her face. It lit up my heart instantly.

She traced lazy patterns on my chest while she stared into my eyes. I moved my hands down her arms and pulled her upwards and to lie on top of me. She quickly straddled my hips and leaned down where she met my awaited and hungry lips.

Electric currents pumped through my veins when our lips touched. Her tongue pushed out and licked over my lips and a low moan erupted from me. Our lips locked while our tongues swirled around each other's. My hands locked around her head, holding her to me.

I quickly flipped us over where I was lying between Bella's legs. Her wetness soaked her panties and the heat radiating off of her was enough to almost make me cum right then and there. Things were moving too fast, we needed to slow down. Those thoughts echoed through my mind as I slowed our kiss and movements. Bella's eyes were dilated with love, passion and lust, but also a hint of confusion as she stared into my eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I don't want it to be like this, Love" I finally said, taking the easy way out.

"Edward, it's not like I'm a virgin" she chuckled.

"I know, I just…" I raked my fingers through my hair with frustration, "Fuck, Bella, I want us to be completely ready when we do this" I said.

"Ready? I don't understand" she sighed. "I'll understand if you don't want me, Edward, I mean, you only found out that Sam raped me"

"It's not because you were raped, Love. I just know that I'm not ready, Bella, I'm scared and furious at the same time. I want to make love to you while only feeling pure love and passion"

"You're right" she smiled.

"I am?" I asked feeling flabbergasted. I had thought that Bella was going to fight me on this.

"I think you are the most romantic guy on this planet, Edward. I also think it would be too soon if we made love right now because we have some shit to work through. I want our relationship to be based on honesty, love and passion. I want to work through your guilt and anger, baby, especially your fears" she touched my cheek and I couldn't help but lean into her hand. Warmth spread through my veins at her touch.

"I love you so much, Bella" I whispered hoarsely.

"I love you, Edward" she chuckled.

I fell down onto my back on the bed and grabbed my head as I screamed out loud, "I'm the luckiest man alive"

Bella chuckled.

"You're waking up the house" she said.

"I don't care, Love, you've made me so happy. I fucking love you" I smiled from ear to ear, or that was how it felt.

_**Can you understand my meaning hidden in the roses around my eyes?**_

_**I want you to know how much it means to have you in my life**_

_**Your love brings me close again in this instance this single moment**_

_**When our worlds collide**_

_**The wire of eternity twists around us**_

_**I can feel this river rising, moving up my back**_

_(Collision)_

Everyone was seated around the dining table in the dining room when we came down for breakfast. Tristan and Abbey ran to me and hugged me tightly.

"Daddy, I missed you last night" Abbey complained with a pout.

"I missed you, too, Princess. But, I'm here now and guess what?" I poked her nose softly.

"What?" she widened her eyes.

"I'm going to be with you and Tristan forever" I smiled. The joy inside of me was indescribable. I'm going to spend eternity with my family.

"What about mommy?" she sucked her bottom lip in between her teeth and pleaded with her eyes.

I chuckled.

"Your mommy too, Princess" I still chuckled.

"Yeah" she squealed while clapping her hands together. She ran to Tristan and took his hands into her own and they twirled together. Tristan winked while dancing with his sister. The happiness in the room caused a joyful atmosphere, but the looks of pure and unadulterated contentment on my children's faces was what made my heart swell with love. Their eyes literally lit up the entire room.

"I'm so happy for the both of you" Carlisle hugged both me and Bella.

"Thanks, Dad" I hugged him back.

"How are you feeling, Carlisle?" Bella asked.

He sighed.

"Just really tired, Bella" he smiled.

"And the headaches?" I asked in concern.

"They come and go, but it's normal" he answered.

Alice danced towards Bella and me with a huge smile plastered on her face. She gave Bella a hug and whispered something in her ear, too soft for me to hear, and then she pulled me in for a hug.

"I knew everything would work out between the two of you. I had faith and although I was really pissed at her for keeping Tristan away from you, I've hoped and prayed for reconciliation between the two of you. I've always loved her as a sister, Edward" she whispered into my ear while holding me tightly.

"Thanks, Ali, have you and Bella spoken?" I asked. Bella joined the rest of the family at the dining table so I could speak to my sister. I noticed how Jasper held her for a while and Bella wiped some tears from her eyes.

"Barely. She was in such a state last night that I promised to take her for breakfast sometime this week and we'll catch up" she said. She turned to look at Carlisle who danced with my children. "He looks so weak" she whispered.

"I know. It changes every morning and he looks weaker and weaker" I said with sadness. "Have you heard from mom?"

"Urm, yeah, she called me two days ago. I asked her if she's coming to see dad and she simply said that she can't face him" she snorted. "Apparently, she wouldn't be able to function around him, knowing he has cancer"

"She's so fucking selfish" I spat. "I wonder where the compassionate woman dad bragged about went? She is selfish and bitter…I've never known the compassionate Esme" I said out loud.

"She's still our mother, Edward" Alice chastised me softly.

"Yeah, and she's breaking my father's heart" I hissed, "It's unforgivable, Alice. I don't care what you say, but I have no respect left for her. She never visits, never calls, and when she does she fucking criticizes everything about us. I'm sorry" I shook my head, "but she's not my mother"

"Don't let dad hear you" she said.

"Let's join the rest of the family" I forced a smile as we walked to the table. Abbey and Tristan argued about who gets to sit next to me, so Bella moved up a spot, letting Abbey and Tristan each have a seat next to me. I sighed. I had missed Bella so much and even with her sitting one seat away from me was excruciating. I wanted to hold her hand under the table and lean down every now and then to kiss her. I never wanted to let her out of my sight again.

"Dad" Tristan pulled on my shirt and I looked down on my beautiful son.

"Yeah, Tris" I said softly.

"You have made me the happiest kid alive" he smiled widely.

"I love you, Tris, and I would do anything to make you and your sister happy" I smiled, planting a kiss on his head.

"Are you happy, dad?" he asked.

"I'm out of this world happy, Tris, I love your mother very much" I answered.

"I can see a difference in her this morning and I know it's because of you" he smiled. "I love you, Dad" he added.

I noticed a few stares from my family members and heard a few 'aawws'.

"You are my life, Tristan, I love you so much" I smiled while leaning down to plant a kiss on his head again.

The feelings I had inside of me were indescribable. I had my family back and I never wanted to leave their side again. They were my life and I wanted for Bella and me to start healing together. Move forward together.

I had a meeting with a realtor tomorrow to go house hunting – this was planned even before Bella's wedding. I knew in my heart that it was too soon for us to move in together, but I hoped that Bella would agree anyway. Warning signs went off in my head and heart, but I switched them off. I've been away from my family for too long…I wanted to be there every night, tucking my children in, sleeping next to the love of my life, having breakfast, lunch and dinner with them. I wanted to watch movies with my children and when they fall asleep in front of the TV, I wanted to be the one to carry them to bed.

This was something I had to discuss with Bella. I wasn't going to push her into anything. If she decided that it was too soon for us to move in together, I would buy the house anyways and let Bella and the kids live there until she was ready for me to move in. I refused for Bella to return to that apartment…

"Fuck" Emmett exclaimed as he walked into the dining room. I was so busy with my own thoughts I haven't even noticed he left in the first place.

"Emmie, you said a bad word" Abbey yelled before she wrapped her tiny hand over her mouth.

Rosalie smacked the back of Emmett's head and he apologized profusely. I glared at him for uttering that word in front of my children.

"What's wrong, Em?" Bella asked and seemed nervous because he was holding the morning paper in his hands.

"Why don't I take Abbey and Tristan outside for a walk" Carlisle suggested and Bella thanked him with her eyes. Tristan and Abbey yelled in excitement and chattered all the way as they left the room.

"See for yourself" Emmett handed me the paper.

A picture of Bella in her wedding dress was printed on the front page with the headline reading: _"Runaway Bride"_

"Isabella Swan, a.k.a. Izzy Stewart has left her fiancé at the altar on Saturday. She simply stated that she couldn't go through with the wedding as an explanation to her shocked fiancé, Jacob Black. He begged and pleaded with her to not leave him, but she simply walked away" I read out loud. Bella gasped and Rosalie wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders.

A few pictures of Bella getting into the cab were taken and there were a few pictures of a shocked and pale-looking Jacob. I almost smiled at the expression on his face…fucker…coming to my house and bragging about winning. Luckily there were no photos of Tristan and Abbey. One photo of Charlie hugging Bella caught my attention.

"Is that all they wrote?" Bella asked in a trembling voice.

I shook my head.

"Isabella's father, Charlie Swan, supported his daughter every step of the way and encouraged her to go after her long-lost boyfriend, Edward Cullen. After he apologized to her for keeping Edward Cullen away from her, he told her to go after him" I read. My heart pounded painfully inside my chest. Was Charlie supporting Bella's decision? I shook my head before I continued to read.

"The question on society's lips is whether the whole wedding was a fraud to get the press off of Isabella and Edward's backs? Isabella said in a statement that there was nothing going on between herself and Edward Cullen – this after the statement of Tanya Denali – and swore that she was marrying her fiancé, Jacob Black. Was the engagement a cover?"

"How did they get the information?" Bella asked softly.

"They must've dressed up as one of the guests, Bella, that's all I can think of" Rosalie explained.

I turned the page and gasped when there was an A4 size photo of Bella and me kissing on the beach in her wedding dress. The fuckers followed her. How had we not seen this?

"Edward, what's wrong?" she asked. I swallowed hard before I turned the paper around to show her the photo. Rose and Bella gasped. "They followed me" she stated and turned pale. "What does it say?"

"After leaving her so-called fiancé at the altar, Isabella Swan ran to her lost love, Edward Cullen, who was patiently waiting on the beach. They literally ran into each other's arms before pulling in for a heated kiss" I read and looked at the pictures on the page. Everything was there, the embrace, the kiss, the tears.

"Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen were once, ten years ago, America's favorite couple and we're wondering – with all their lies and deceit – if they'll hit that mark again. The real question on America's lips is if they've been completely honest with each other, or are there more skeletons in their closets?"

"Fuck" I yelled and threw the paper against the wall. "I've had it with these sons of bitches. Who the fuck do they think they are speculating about our lives?" I was fucking livid with this article. What they wrote was total bullshit and they had no right to print this bullshit.

"Edward, calm down" Bella whispered as her arms wrapped around me. I quickly pulled her closer to me and hugged her fiercely.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly as I kissed her temple.

She nodded, "I don't care what they say about me…us…I love you and I'll never let anything come between us again" she said bravely, but I could see the shadows hiding in her eyes. I could see the hurt swirling and swirling inside her gorgeous chocolate brown pools, and it literally killed me. She had been through so much and now she had to deal with the brutal press, spreading uncertainty and lies about our relationship.

"We'll get through this, Love, I swear I will do everything in my power to stop this" I hissed as the anger fueled through my veins again.

"We can only hope that they'll tire of us and move onto new sensation" she smiled.

I leaned in and gently touched her lips with my own. I wanted to keep the kiss innocent and chaste, but being this close to Bella, feeling her lips electrifying mine, made me groan and pull her even closer. She opened her mouth and I plunged my tongue inside her warmth where I met her awaited tongue. Moans and whimpering's were heard as our tongues swirled and graced one another's.

"Ur…get a fucking room" Emmett cleared his throat. I slowed our kiss, completely ignoring my pain-in-the-ass brother, and gave her one last peck before I pulled away. Bella's cheeks were crimson red and I chuckled. "I've missed this" I whispered hoarsely as my finger trialed over her blushing cheek.

"I want you so badly" she whispered seductively.

It was the words I had wanted to hear ever since I came back, but instead those words caused my stomach to flip and my heart to jump to my throat. I was supposed to be excited about the thought of being buried deep inside of her, making love to her the way I used to, but the mere thought of her freaking out because of what happened to her was like a cold bucket of water thrown over me. I had no idea how Bella was doing mentally…I knew I was fucked mentally after I've heard what Sam had done to her. I hadn't come to terms of what she had gone through and I had no intention of rushing our relationship.

"What's with the uncertainty in your eyes?" she asked softly.

"I want you, too, Bella, but…" I said with a thick voice. My heart was in the pit of my stomach when the hurt – I felt in my heart – easily displayed on her beautiful face.

"I know, I know…it's too soon" she whispered. She pulled away from me and left my arms aching for her.

"Bella" I whispered and grabbed her hand. I looked around the room and noticed Emmett and Rosalie had left us alone.

"Edward, you don't have to explain" she said in irritation. "I only said that I wanted you because it was how I felt at that moment. I didn't mean you have to take me to your bed right this instant"

"I just don't think that we are emotionally ready for that, Bella. I have lost you once and it was a fucking hell that I don't want to relive…ever!" I said, raking my fingers through my hair. "I want to do everything right this time"

"You'll never lose me again, Edward" she said seriously.

I nodded. How could I have looked in her eyes and told her that I was scared to death to sleep with her. I knew I was being stupid and so insecure, but I couldn't help the feelings I had inside of me. Was I a dick?

Absolutely.

My gorgeous Bella wanted me, but I couldn't give in to her request. I had so much mixed emotions inside of me; fear, anger and hatred towards myself. I still blamed myself for what Bella went through, even after Bella and I established that Abbey was the good that came from the entire ordeal. I still fucking blamed myself. I should have taken care of Bella. I should have been there for her…

How do I overcome my fears? How do I get past my anger and bitterness? Where would it leave our relationship if I would not be able to forgive myself? Would I have the fucking guts to explain to Bella what was brewing inside my heart? Would she be disappointed that I was such a pussy?

I could only have hoped that I would sort myself out before it was too late…

_**If music is**_

_**A mirror revealing**_

_**The depths of my heart**_

_**Then I will write**_

_**The darkest song**_

_**For without**_

_**Forgiveness**_

_**My soul is lost**_

_**(Within destruction)**_

oOoOoOoOoO

A/N: I know some of you wanted them to jump right into bed together and I'm sorry for disappointing you…I just didn't see it happening in my mind. I'm sorry!

I would love to hear from you guys…please review.

Do you think Edward is being unreasonable by being scared to sleep with Bella? Do you think he'll be honest with Bella about the real reason he won't make love to her? Review and share your hatred or love ;)


	22. Chapter twenty one - Dream come true

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Lyrics in this chapter belongs to: CrashCarBurn – Skin vs. Bone

A/N: Thank you to everybody who reviewed and welcome to all the new reviewers. I have lost some of my regular reviewers :'( … this story is about to hit a whole new turn of events *grins*

I had no time to edit this chapter, please PM me or review if you find any spelling or grammar mistakes...I write chapter and sometimes a word doesnt make sense so please let me know

oOoOoOoOoO

Chapter 21 – Dream come true

EPOV

_"Bella..." I moaned out in excitement as her lips trailed down my chest. Her silky soft hands was gently stroking up and down my shaft. Her hands were driving me crazy and my sight was incoherent._

_"I want you, Edward, so much" her strokes grew more urgent. "Why don't you want me back?" She cried._

My eyes shot open, a little incoherent from the sleep I've fallen into on the couch.

I looked around the room frantically...

I rubbed my eyes with my thumbs. I was exhausted because I wasn't sleeping very well the last couple of weeks. I had no reason to not sleep; everything was going so well between Bella and me…

It was a month after Bella left Jake at the altar. One month of pure happiness and bliss. We've been on dates, took the kids out every weekend and even discussed moving in together.

I had bought the damn mansion I wanted, but Bella and I had decided that moving in together was a bit too soon. I was disappointed, but relieved at the same time. I knew once we would have moved in together, we would have to take our relationship to the next level, and to be honest; I wasn't ready a few weeks ago. Now, I had no idea what I was feeling, and what I was ready for.

I wanted her, fuck, I wanted her, now more than ever. I haven't slept because I've been dreaming of sleeping with her, making sweet fucking love to her. Other times, I would dream that she was judging me because of what had happened to her, or she would freak out because I was afraid to make love to her...she would end up leaving me in the end and I would wake up with a start and in a pissy mood.

I sighed.

I knew I needed to have **that** talk with Bella, but I was afraid that she would think I was a pussy or full of shit.

I looked around Emmett's lounge and groaned. I wanted to be with my family night and day, instead I was still living with my brother. It wasn't that bad, considering my father still had all his children under one roof, and we were able to take care of him and spend some quality time with him.

Bella and my children had moved into the three story mansion that I bought three weeks ago. Bella was as stubborn as always about the move, but I refused to have her live in that apartment, and Bella experienced firsthand just how stubborn I've became over the years. I wanted to take care of her and our children. I wanted to give them everything they deserved and more. I wanted to give Tristan and Abbey everything they had missed out on in their lives.

I was supposed to meet Bella for dinner - just the two of us - while Em and Rose would take Tristan and Abbey for the night. I had no idea what Bella had planned, but it was the perfect opportunity to have** that** talk with her. I was in desperate need to make our relationship work. And, I knew that we wouldn't have been able to pull it off with my insecurities and fears.

I took my time getting ready, dressing in casual jeans and a shirt with my black vans. We were having dinner at our house; I wasn't living there but I thought about the house as our home.

I had bought a house a few blocks from Emmett's house because it was a family safe environment. So, it took me about ten minutes to drive to the white house with tall security fencing and gates. The garden was beautiful and round the house off perfectly. I knew Bella loved working in the garden because it relaxed her and she always said it was like therapy to her. She would spend hours in the garden when we were kids and I remembered how I would be grossed out by her sweaty attire and body when she was done. But, when we were a little older and she was working frantically in her father's garden, I would be so turned on when tiny sweat drops formed on her forehead and would run down her temples...the way she wiped the sweat with the back of her hand and exhaled loudly while running her hand down her clothes was the death of me. Whenever she had done that, I would grab her and run her up the stairs and have my way with her in the shower, lathering her with soap, rubbing her sore and tense muscles and then fuck her brains out.

When we moved to LA, I never even realized how much she had missed that. I was so preoccupied in the band, writing music and touring, that I never paid attention how drawn back she had become. When I look back now, I saw how dead Bella became...and it wasn't sudden, it came over the years we had spent in hotel rooms. She wasn't happy and I never paid attention to her to have seen what the fuck was happening. I was selfish because my dreams were coming true and – at the time – nothing else had mattered to me.

I gripped the steering wheel tighter and my knuckles turned white as I thought about what a selfish prick I was.

I climbed out of my car and walked towards the door with a heavy and burdened heart. Reliving the past was a bitch, especially when you're walking down that road and all you could see was every damn mistake you've made to jeopardize your relationship with the one person you had promised you'd never hurt. The one person you promised to love forever.

Bella and I had a fight, a week ago, about sex. It wasn't any ordinary argument; it was downright an explosive fight with pent-up rage and fury.

My mind drifted back in time, the words were recorded into my mind.

_Bella and I were kissing on the couch and her touches had become urgent and needy. I knew where she wanted the kisses and touches to lead, but we haven't even talked about it yet. So, I slowed the kiss and gently removed her hands from my zipper._

_For a moment she looked sad, but that look only lasted for about two seconds before she literally exploded. Her eyes were shooting fireballs at me as she went off._

_"Why the fuck won't you touch me?" She yelled._

_"Bella, we talked about this-" _

_"No, Edward, _you_ talked about this. I don't believe the 'I'm not ready' shit anymore" she threw her hands into the air and jumped to her feet. "I know it's about Sam raping me, but what I don't get, is why you would fucking lie about it?" _

_"It's not about Sam, Bella" I sighed._

_"Then why? Just talk to me, Edward. Two months ago you couldn't control yourself around me-"_

_"What?" I yelled out in disbelief._

_"You tried everything to get back into my pants, every opportunity you fucking had was about sex" she threw at me, "but ever since you heard about Sam, you refuse to touch me, and you make up shit about not being ready and doing everything right"_

_My anger was fueled by her words as I remembered how she accused me of only wanting to get back into her pants when we were in the Jacuzzi._

_"I never wanted you for sex, Bella. If I only wanted sex I could have gotten it anywhere I wanted. I fucking love you and I was fighting to get you back, dammit" I yelled out just as furious._

_Her eyes were wide, her chest rose and fell fast and her hands were shaking._

_"Get out, Edward" she said softly, but with dominance._

_"Yeah, I was leaving anyways" I said back stubbornly. "Call me when you've calmed the fuck down. You are wrong, Bella, on so many levels. I'm not saying that I'm right, but what you just said to me was hurtful and fucking wrong...I never used you for sex, Bella, I have always loved you. Always!" I whispered and walked away while Bella sobbed loudly._

I barely made it to Emmett's house when she called me and apologized. Of course, I went back there straight away and apologized myself. We were both hurting and said some pretty mean things, but it was part of being in a relationship, I guess.

I remembered when we were in high school how Bella accused me of cheating. One of the senior girls liked me and tried to get my attention by rubbing herself onto me whenever I walked passed her, or she would come to my lunch table and rub her big fucking tits in my face with Bella sitting right next to me. We had a major argument and ignored each other for a week. I was miserable without her and after Bella saw how miserable I was, she came back and apologized.

I chuckled when I remembered how Bella punched that girl the very next day when she tried go rub her tits in my face again. It was funny as hell, even after Bella was expelled for two weeks. She had said that it was worth it because from that day forward, no one messed with her guy again. Charlie was pissed at me, though, corrupting his little girl. I had thought that it was the hottest thing, ever, my girl claiming what was hers in the first place, and fighting for it. Hot as hell!

The smile was still plastered on my face when I opened the door and entered the warm and loving home.

The aroma of cheesecake filled my nostrils and my stomach growled. My feet carried me to the kitchen as I followed the aroma.

Bella was dancing to some stupid pop song, but the way she swung her hips was sexy and hot as fuck. She hadn't noticed me yet, so I leaned against the doorframe, crossing my arms and swallowing hard.

She was wearing a little black dress, clinging tightly to her perfect body. The material hugged every curve as she swayed along the ridiculous song. My eyes roamed over her body, pausing on her long legs. A fantasy of having those legs wrapped around my hips, played out in front of me and I instantly grew hard as fuck. I have jerked myself off for so long now and my dick longed for something more than the palm of my hand. He longed for the warm, wet tightness of Bella and wanted to be buried balls deep into her.

_**Can I get a little love**_

_**In this room,**_

_**I need to feel**_

_**Skin and bone**_

_**Connected in**_

_**The dark tonight**_

_**I need to feel you**_

I shook my head and turned my attention back to Bella, whom have turned around and was staring back at me with a deep crimson blush on her beautiful face. Her eyes were guarded, but once she looked back into my eyes, she relaxed and her eyes filled with a mixture of passion, lust, want and love.

"Hi" she whispered before she bit down on her bottom lip.

"Hi" I smiled.

I was unable to move and my twitching dick reminded me how much and how desperately I needed Bella.

She danced towards me in a seductive way and my arms dropped to my sides.

"I've missed you" she said before her arms crept around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her hips and pulled her to me before our lips connected in a passionate and electrifying kiss.

Our lips moved in perfect synchronization, eliciting moans and whimpers from the both of us. I nipped and sucked on her bottom lip while she was working on my top lip. After we caressed one anthers lips, she opened her hot mouth and I slowly pushed my tongue into her mouth where her tongue patiently awaited mine. My tongue swirled around hers and soon our tongues were fighting for dominance. She tasted sweet and the warmth was enticing. I was panting with need and want, and with Bella's trembling body in my arms, I knew she was trembling with the same needs.

It brought me back to the **talk **I wanted to have with her tonight, so I slowed our kiss, but Bella had other plans. She held onto me and refused to let go and for the hell of me, I couldn't get away from her lips. Our lips were glued together, but I gently wrapped my hands around her arms and literally pushed her off of me.

A hint of frustration and sadness flickered in her brown eyes, before she turned around and went back to working on dinner. She hadn't said a word and was standing with her back to me. My chest constricted when I saw her shoulders shaking...

"Love, can we talk for a bit?" I asked softly.

She turned around and the pain in her eyes crippled me.

"I never loved Jake like I should have because it has always been you" she started to say, "but he never rejected me because of what happened with Sam. He stood by me and helped me to trust again. He helped me to get over my fears about sex and helped me to be intimate, conquering my fears" she said with tears rolling down her cheeks.

My heart was broken as she told me about her and Jake's relationship. It hurt to have known they were sleeping together...not that I was judging her because I had done the same with Leah and Tanya, but it broke my heart to learn that Jake was the one to help Bella with her intimacy issues. I had no idea why I had thought that she wasn't sleeping with Jake, but I had and it was stupid of me to have been so ignorant.

Bella had no issues with sex, as she so clearly explained a few seconds ago. Jake had helped with that.

"I love you, Edward, and it literally kills me that you are repulsed by what had happened to me" she sobbed softly.

"Bella, no. Is that what you're thinking?" I asked in a gasp.

"What am I supposed to think? You refuse to touch me...you don't even kiss me the way I remember"

"I'm such a fucking idiot" I slapped myself on my forehead.

I quickly made my way to her and pulled her into my arms, hugging her fiercely.

"I'm so sorry, love, I'm sorry" I whispered against her ear and kissed her head over and over.

"It's okay, I understand, Edward. You're entitled to your feelings-"

"Love, that's not what I meant" I smiled and she looked up at me with confusion, so I explained immediately.

"I wasn't sure how you handled intimacy after what Sam had done to you, Bella. I was afraid that you would have flashbacks or have meltdowns if I made love to you. It would destroy me if you would freak out while I loved you"

She smiled sadly, "it was hard in the beginning, especially since I can't remember what exactly that bastard had done to me, but I pulled through, Edward. Even though my relationship with Jake was nothing compared to what I have had with you, he helped me to get over the fear...he had a lot of patience" she explained, and although it hurt to have heard about Jake, I knew I needed to hear it because he was part of the reason she was healed and fearless.

"I wasn't ready in the beginning, to make love to you, because I was angry and afraid and guilty. But, after a while I was just afraid to touch you and maybe trigger something" I chuckled while shaking my head.

"What's so funny" she asked.

"We should always be honest to one another and we should always, always communicate, love" I smiled.

"You're right" she laughed softly, "This, though, was all on you, Cullen, you and your new-found stubbornness"

"I remembered how much you've changed after we moved to LA. I saw the change, but wrote it off as a new town, new life and stress. I witnessed how dead your soul became and did absolutely nothing about it because I was happy fulfilling my dreams" I explained, "we should have talked about it all those years ago, Bella, we should have communicated because we would have spared one another a lot of hurt"

"I know. I waited too long to tell you I wasn't happy and you chose to believe that I was ecstatic because it suited your new life. I wanted you to be happy and chose not to say anything to destroy your dreams"

"Never again, Bella, never again" I said slowly. "I'm never losing you again because of miscommunication...I'll never make you unhappy again. I'll strive every single day to make every wish of yours come true and make you completely happy...forever" I swore.

Her eyes darkened and she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth again.

"Every wish?" She asked softly.

"Every wish that is within my power, Love" I said.

"You promise?" She asked again.

I nodded slowly, "I promise, Bella" I forced out.

"Then make me yours again, Edward" she said in hitched breaths.

My eyes widened and I swallowed hard a couple of times. I have fallen into her trap without even realizing it, but I couldn't have been happier about the trap she had set up. I was going to make her mine again…after ten agonizing years, she would finally be mine again.

"Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly, but my dick almost jumped out of my pants from the excitement I had felt.

"I'm sure" she smiled, "I love you"

"I love you, too, so fucking much" I said hoarsely.

"Then show me" she whispered.

She had no reason to even ask me twice and when I moved closer to her, my dick literally screamed hallelujah. This was it...the moment I have only had the privilege of dreaming about ever since I ran into Bella again. The moment I've longed for for ten years...

I cupped her cheeks between my hands and gently pulled her face towards mine, leaning in and claiming her full, swollen lips. Lust filled the atmosphere and soon we were moaning into each other's mouths. This time the kiss wasn't controlled and slow, but frantic and needy.

She fiddled with the hem of my shirt and I held my arms up to pull it over my head. Her hands were everywhere, but when she tried to unzip my pants, I stopped her.

"Edward, I thought-"

"Not here, Love, not like this" I said out of breath.

"Is this another excuse?" She pouted.

I chuckled and tucked a strand of her chestnut hair behind her ear.

"No, love, there's nothing more I want to do than to make love to you. It would make me the happiest man on earth"

"I just meant that I don't want to do this in the kitchen like some horny fucking teenager...I want you in a bed because I plan on ravishing every single part of your sexy body" I explained and watched in awe and excitement how her dark brown eyes darkened even more with lust.

"Don't make me wait another second, Edward" she whispered in haggard breaths. Her chest rose and fell from the same anticipation I was feeling.

I stood up and held my hand out for hers, I wanted to carry her, but that would have taken forever to get up the three flights of stairs.

We laughed and ran like kids up the stairs, stopping every few seconds to steal a few kisses. Excitement, lust, love, passion and anticipation filled the air around us and created an atmosphere of sizzling electricity.

Once we made it to her room, she headed for the bathroom and asked me to wait a few seconds. I took the chance to get rid of my clothing and only left my boxers on.

I took the moment to look around Bella's room. It was spacious and open, filled with modern furniture and warm colors.

The bathroom door clicked open and I moved my eyes towards the sound, gasping for air when they locked on Bella.

She was wearing a midnight blue lace bra and thong set. The color contrasted her porcelain skin beautifully and I felt myself grow hard again.

"Bella, you are so beautiful" I managed to croak out.

She smiled shyly as she slowly made her way towards me. Her chest, neck and cheeks were flushed with a deep crimson and my heartbeat picked up.

Her bra and thong were completely see-through, causing my heart to run a mile a second.

I ran my fingers down her arms, eliciting goose bumps over her entire body, and stopped at her hands. I pulled her towards the bed and she lay down on her back. I stood back and scanned her body. She tried to cover her stomach with her hands but I shook my head sideways.

"Don't ever hide your beautiful body from me" I whispered in a thick voice, swallowing hard.

"My body changed, Edward, there's stretch marks-"

"They represent our children, love, which makes them hot as fuck" I soothed.

_**I am sick with fever 'cos I know**_

_**What's coming next**_

_**Turn that music down now**_

_**Your breathing is**_

_**The perfect soundtrack**_

I climbed onto the bed and leaned down to explore her stomach, which had very feint stretch marks from her pregnancies. I took my time and kissed every single one, flicking my tongue out and ghosting it along the marks. Her hips bucked and her breaths were labored.

After I paid much needed attention to her lower abdomen, I sat back onto my heels and looked down in awe at Bella splayed out in front of me. Her hair sprawled over the pillows, her bottom lip was caught between her teeth and her eyes were almost golden from passion and lust.

Her hips were much fuller from the pregnancy, but she still had the most amazing body to me.

As my fingers trialed up her sides and over her ribcage, she trembled and arched her back at my touch. My thumbs gently stroked the edge of her breasts and the sexiest, most erotic whimper escaped her quivering lips.

I unclasped her bra at the front and watched in lust as her beautiful and luscious creamy peaks sprung free.

"So beautiful" I murmured.

"You're killing me, Edward" she gasped while I lightly traced circles around her pink nipples, and my dick literally twitched and ached when the pink delicateness hardened beneath my touch.

"Patience, love, we have the whole night and the rest of our lives" I whispered lustfully, "let me make this special for you"

"Being with you is like a dream come true, Edward. You already make me feel special by loving me"

I hovered over her and started kissing her lips, softly, ghosting my tongue over her lips before I moved down her jawline. I kissed from one side to the other before I trailed down and took my time exploring her neck where I felt her pulse pounding fast and erratically. She arched her back, pushing her head deeper into the pillow. Her bare chest touched mine and I growled when I felt her nipples against me.

My lips ghosted down her shoulders and back to her collarbone. I felt her heartbeat and it was unsteady as I was sure mine was, too.

I kissed every inch of her skin until I reached the creamy mounds which had called my name since the moment they sprung free from that sexy lace that covered them a few moments ago.

I paused and took my time because I truly wanted to enjoy this experience. I wanted this moment to be carved into my memory and onto my heart. I wanted to give her the most erotic pleasure I possibly could and also wanted her to remember this exact moment...forever!

I started kissing a line down between her two perfectly round and soft breasts, reveling the way her chest rise and falls with each haggard breath before I let my tongue traced around the border of the left one. I delicately covered the other with my hand, appreciating the way it had fitted perfectly under my palm, enjoying the silky softness of it.

When I reached the peak of her breast - the result of loveliness - I took her nipple into my mouth, flicking it with my tongue, eliciting gasps and moans from Bella. Her noises spurred me on in the right direction, reminding me what she had always enjoyed. I couldn't wait to learn everything about her body again, and I smiled with her tip in my mouth, knowing that I have forever to worship every inch of her. I wouldn't take one moment with Bella for granted ever again. I would cherish and worship her for the rest of my life...I knew now what I had lost once and I would never make that same mistake again.

I moved my mouth to the other breast, loving it just as much as the other. While lost in my action, nibbling, sucking, kissing, Bella moved her hands down my back and stroked gently over my bare lower back. Fuck, I loved when she touched me, and all I could think of now was our naked skin pressed together, nothing between us, not even air. My back sizzled with electricity as her nails gently scratched a path from bottom to top and back again.

With a reverent kiss on her nipple, I let her breast fall gently from my mouth; my mouth and tongue already missed the softness that was filling me a moment ago.

I sat back on my heels, tracing my index finger from the middle of her breasts all the way down to her bellybutton. Goose bumps erupted on her skin and I felt my lips curled into a smile. Bella followed my actions with her eyes, watching my fingers before her eyes connected with mine. She looked back at me with so much love that I had to choke back the sob that was about to escape.

Her soft hands reached for my chest and traced the tattoo that I already knew every line and curve off.

"I love this tattoo" she whispered softly with tears rolling down her cheeks. "It is just another reminder that you never forgot about me"

"Never" I swallowed.

I resumed my previous position, hovering over her again, desperately wanting to kiss her.

"I love you, Bella. I have never stopped loving you," I retorted against her neck. I growled at the sensations of our naked top halves touching. The stiffness of her nipples with the softness of her breast and the silkiness of her skin pressed against the hard planes of my body, was mind-blowing to say the least.

Slowly, I wound the fabric at her hips around my fingers, pulling them down inch by fucking inch, letting my lips trail behind, and kissed the length of her legs. When I reached her toes, I pulled them off completely and tossed them through the air.

From my vantage point at her feet, I have a perfect view of Bella's naked body, and she was the most mouthwatering creature - laid out before me.

_**We are getting closer now**_

_**I can hear your body sing**_

_**I can taste you on my lips**_

_**And feel your fingernails dig in**_

"Bella," I growled, letting it roll deeply through my body. I have never needed anything the way I needed her. The love I felt was overflowing from me, large enough to fill the area of the galaxy. Her eyes darkened again and I was sure that my eyes weren't their usual emerald green.

I leaned down again to claim her lips while my fingers traced down her body again, pausing at her inner thighs, before I ran my fingers down her slit. I moaned at her hot wetness and Bella moaned out loud with a shudder.

"So wet" I kissed her lips, "so hot" I kissed her again before I slipped my finger into her opening completely, "and still so fucking tight" I kissed her with more urgency now.

"Only for you" she gasped out before another moan escaped her swollen lips. She was grinding her sex against my hand, wanting some sort of friction, wanting more from me.

I chuckled and held her hips still with my free hand. I could see that she was so close to losing it and I wanted to give her body the release she so desperately needed. I wanted to give her so much pleasure before I finally buried myself inside her.

"I want to taste you, love. Can I taste you?" I asked hoarsely, but in a desperate tone.

She was only able to nod and my mouth watered at the thought of licking, sucking and kissing her wet sex. My tongue almost trembled in anticipation as I moved closer to her. Her arousal filled my nostrils and my dick literally ached for Bella.

I pushed her legs apart and looked at her from between her legs. Her sex was bare and it felt amazing. My finger was still pumping in and out of her, so I slowly leaned down and flicked my tongue out to her swollen clit. She shuddered when I blew my hot breath over her nub.

I dipped another finger into her hotness and curled them, pumping slowly in and out of her. The sounds that she was making were enough to almost make me cum in my boxers. I flattened my tongue against her clit and licked before I sucked the sweetness into my mouth, nipping it softly between my teeth. She cried out and raised her hips slightly.

"Oh my...Edward" she moaned, eliciting another shudder from her body as I licked again. My name that rolled off of her tongue drove me crazy. "So…good" she panted, rolling her head from side to side.

I slowly removed my fingers and kissed down her folds to her opening. I licked all the way back to her nub before I went back to her opening. I dipped the tip of my tongue into her wet sex and groaned. My lips vibrated against her and Bella's hips rose upwards, but I wasn't having any of that, so I grabbed her hips with my hands and held her down before I plunged my tongue deeper into her. Her juices were sweet, mixed with a taste of salty bitterness.

I held her down with one hand while my other hand came back to her center, flicking her clit between my index finger and thumb. I licked and sucked as my fingers rubbed her clit.

"Edward, I'm..." She yelled.

Her body convulsed and shuddered like a fucking earthquake as she came hard into my mouth. I drank her liquids like a man that was trapped in a desert for days without water. I thirsted for her and swallowed greedily everything she had given me. The sweetest and most heavenly nectar on this planet.

She was still shaking when her hands grabbed my hair and pulled me away from her.

"Too sensitive" she said out of breath. I chuckled.

I sat up and stared down at the flushed body of the love of my life. Her eyes were closed and her hand rested in her hair. Her chest heaved from exhaustion and her cheeks were colored with a light pink.

The moment she opened her eyes I felt like crying. So much love, worship, reverence, passion and joy filled her beautiful orbs. I've never experienced this kind of love from her...it was deeper, more mature from what we had ten years ago.

"Edward" she gasped, "please make love to me" she begged.

"You never have to ask again, love" I said with emotion.

I quickly rid of my boxers before I joined her on the bed again. She looked at my erection and swallowed hard, licking her lips seductively.

"Have you had enough?" I asked in a playful manner.

Her cheeks turned crimson and I chuckled loudly.

"It's...ur...been a while since I've seen you" she explained, still blushing.

"I don't mind that you're ravishing me with your eyes, love" I chuckled, "but I'd prefer the real thing right about now"

Her blush deepened before a smile broke onto her lips.

"Condom?" I asked.

She shook her head, "I'm on the pill"

I frowned with a smile.

"You were on the pill when we made Tristan" I argued playfully.

"Edward, do you seriously want to do this now?" She huffed, "get a condom, don't get a condom...but please get your ass over here and make love to me already"

I laughed out loud before I situated myself in between her legs. My dick was an aching mess when Bella's heat radiated from her center onto my dick. I pushed my hand in between our aching bodies and slipped my fingers through her slickness and dipped it into her soaking sex. She was so wet and so fucking ready for me.

She gasped from my curling fingers inside of her and took her bottom lip into her mouth again. I leaned down and released it before I trapped it again between my teeth, tugging and nipping.

_**So just breathe, breathe**_

_**You know you want this**_

_**Stay, stay**_

_**We're almost perfect**_

_**Don't speak**_

_**Take your time**_

_**Let the moment take you away**_

I pulled back slightly, so I could see her face. I lined myself up, rubbing the tip of my cock against her entrance, and she moaned loudly, giving me the encouragement I needed. I stopped once the head was in, letting her adjust before I slowly pushed in, inch by inch. My mouth was over hers - not touching at the moment -, her sweet breath washed over me.

With eyes gripped tightly shut and heavy breath, she stayed still as a statue, and for the moment, I ceased to breathe, to move. After a few agonizing seconds she lifted her hips and opened her eyes. I pulled back slightly before pushing all the way in, my body flushed against hers in every way possible. A single teardrop rolled down my eyes as I filled her. There were no words for the love I had felt for this woman. My love for Bella was more than the grains of sand that covered this earth and more than the stars in the galaxy. It expanded everything and more…

"Fuck!" she exclaimed with a hiss as I moved again. "That feels..." she trailed off as her head lolled back, "familiar, yet, unfamiliar in so many ways"

I knew what she was talking about because I had felt it, too. Our love felt different and being connected like this after ten agonizing years was beyond my wildest dreams. Yet, there was something much deeper between us...deeper than the love we felt ten years ago. There was need that neither of us had ever felt and there was pain from being apart for so long. Love lost and love found…everything thrown into our hearts.

"You feel so good," I panted into her ear after I kissed up her neck. "You were made for me, Bella, you complete me"

"Only you," she groaned, raising her head and bringing her lips to mine. This is how it was supposed to be. This was all I would ever need. Our bodies, lips, hearts, souls, everything we had were connected, working together as one, filling everything that had been empty for so long and bringing us back to life.

"Bella, I'm not going... Feel so good...too good... so tight..." I mumbled with each stroke. "I need to watch you first. Cum for me, love." I said breathlessly. I raised myself and brought my hand in-between us where my finger started rubbing her clit in circles.

"So close... like that." She rolled her hips, giving as much as she was taking, and I growled at the sensation. I was not going to last much longer.

"Edward, Edward, Edward..." My name fell from her lips repeatedly with small gasps and groans thrown in between. It filled me with love, hearing her say my name, while I showed her how much I fucking love her.

Her body tensed around my cock as I continued to thrust and flicked her clit. I watched as she reached her peak and her orgasm took over her body. Her shoulders shook from the intensity and her back arched, pushing her tightly against my chest as I leaned down again. Her face was so beautiful as she hits her high, and I wanted to make her look like that all the time, every single second of every day. Bella was sexy, but Bella exploding in an orgasm was beyond this world. The way her eyes rolled into the back of her head, the way her body trembled and convulsed, the intensity as her center convulsed around my cock – clamping down hard around my dick, was the death of me.

With her body convulsed around mine, her inner muscles firmly gripping my dick, I followed her into oblivion, giving into the feelings, the sights, the sounds and the smells. I exploded, and she took everything I had to offer into her. It was the most amazing thing I had experienced, utter bliss. I've come home and I was pretty sure that my dick was in the seventh heaven right about now.

As I came down from my orgasm, I reluctantly pulled out before I collapsed next to her; my body was physically shaking in the best possible way. We just lay there for a minute on our backs, side by side as we both gasped for breath.

I closed my eyes with a giant smile on my face. Her tiny hand grabbed mine, interlocking our fingers, so I turned my head to look at her. Once again, I was overcome by how beautiful she was, and I was so honored to have been able to call her mine.

She smiled at me, lost in love and sexual satisfaction, and I smiled back, sure that my eyes reflected the same feelings.

"I love you...forever," she finally said with a small nod as she leaned in and brought her lips to mine.

"I love you, too, Bella...forever and always" I said. "You're mine now, forever" I added.

"Only yours" she sighed as she lined her body up with mine and lay in the crooked of my arm.

The feelings I experienced was indescribable. I have never felt this kind of intensity with Bella before and everything was new to me now. It was as if I had made love to Bella for the first time...never realized that these kinds of feelings were real.

"I want to marry you, Bella" I said and shocked myself by my mutterings. I felt my eyes widened. I had no idea where that had come from, but I said it already, so I lay there and waited for her to say something.

A gasp was the only sound that escaped her lips...

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A/n: so...what did you think? I'm still a little new with the lemons and is still shy at the outcome...so I'd like to hear your honest thoughts please...Edwards proposal? Haha, yeah right, that was hardly a proposal but it came out...what do you think Bella's reaction will be?


	23. Chapter twenty two - Taken

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews on the previous chapter. I need a BETA, urgently. If anyone is interested in correcting my abundant spelling and grammar errors please PM me. I'm desperate…

OoOoOoOoOoO

Chapter Twenty Two – Taken

**EPOV**

I laid there with Bella in my arms – the silence was deafening after my sentence. I had no clue where that had come from, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I wanted Bella to be my wife. I wanted to be her husband. My heart swelled at the thought of making her my wife.

"Bella?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Was that a proposal?" she stuttered.

"Ur…do you want it to be?" I asked nervously.

"No" she simply answered while climbing out of bed. My eyes widened in shock and there was an earth shuttering crack in my heart.

"I'm sorry, Bella" I said in pain.

"What exactly are you sorry about, Edward" she stood in all of her naked glory in front of me with her hands on her hips, "the fact that you want to marry me, or the fact that you don't even know if you wanted it to be a proposal?" she hissed.

"Why are you so upset, Bella? I thought it was what you wanted" I spat back.

"I want it if _**you**_ want it, you dumbass" she growled. "I don't want you to marry me only because I had wanted it ten years ago. I want _**you **_to _**want**_ to marry me, Edward"

"I fucking love you, Bella, and nothing would make me happier than to marry you" I yelled.

"Then do it fucking properly" she yelled back. The both of us were furious. What about, I had no idea. I'd guessed that we still had a lot of anger and hurt deep down and every once in a while, it would bubble up and we would take it out on each other. This was childish and so fucking unnecessary…and all this because of a stupid half-proposal. I actually felt the anger fuelling through my veins, coursing through my heart and exploded as if there was TNT taped around my heart.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked in exasperation.

"Ask me like you mean it, Edward, with a damn ring, you ignorant ass" she stomped her foot.

"You want a fucking ring at this hour of the night?" I chuckled furiously.

What was supposed to be the best night of our lives had turned into a night of fighting…over a stupid fucking thing I had said. The argument was ridiculous, but we had it, none the less. I realized that I was a fucking dick…I basically asked her to marry me without a ring or romantic words. I had asked her after the best sex of my life…

"And if you call me an ass, one more time" I held my index finger up, "I'll fucking leave"

"Then go, Edward" she simply said. I gasped and froze as I stared at her serious face. It took me all but ten seconds to gather my clothes and leave her room.

I mumbled a string of profanities as I climbed down the stairs in fury. I couldn't believe Bella, but most of all, I couldn't believe what had just happened between us. I felt like a dick for leaving and for fighting with her. My heart ached at the thought of leaving things like this, but I was so fucking livid that I refused to turn back.

I dressed myself while walking down the stairs and when I reached the front door, I opened it and slammed it shut, echoing into the night air. I stomped of to my car and slammed my car door hard. I gripped the steering wheel and yelled with irritation.

I stared up at the yellow light streaming from Bella's window, and my heart crushed. I wondered what she was doing and whether she felt just as bad as I did. I suddenly remembered that I still had Bella's engagement ring – from ten years ago – in my car. I took the ring wherever I went because it always made me feel closer to Bella. I grabbed the ring from the glove box in the car and opened the blue Tiffany box. The diamonds sparkled around a white gold band with a big fucking princess cut diamond on the center of the ring. The ring had cost me an arm and a leg ten years ago, but it was worth every single dollar.

She wanted a fucking ring, well; she would get her fucking ring. I made my way back to the house and to her room. She wasn't there, but I heard the shower running. I grinned to myself. Perfect.

My fucking night was ruined by a stupid not-even-proposal, but I would be damned if I was going to end this night with a fight. I quickly undressed myself and walked to the bathroom.

Bella stood in the shower with her back facing me. Her face was tipped upwards so the water sprayed over her face and hair. My dick rose slowly, pointing in her direction. Fucking traitor!

I opened the glass door of the shower and startled Bella as she squealed while turning around. Her eyes flashed in anger and her mouth opened to say something, but I quickly stepped forward and clamped her mouth with my hand.

"If you say one fucking word, Bella, I will leave and let you do the groveling for once" I threatened. "Now, I'm going to do this right without one interruption from you, or so help me, Bella, I'll never do it again"

With the – now wet – tiffany box in my hand, I dropped to my knee and earned an exciting gasp from Bella. The water rained down on us from the shower head, but I couldn't have cared less. Maybe this wasn't the most romantic proposal in the world, but I didn't fucking care. It was because of this fucking ring and proposal that we had a fight over in the first place, so, fuck romantic and fuck life-long speeches.

I looked up - or tried at least with the water spraying directly onto my face – and looked deeply into Bella's eyes. The fury was gone and was now replaced with remorse and love all mixed up together.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I have loved you since I was six years old. I have pledged my love to you when I was sixteen when we became one for the very first time. I have loved you after you have walked away from me, and I never stopped loving you. I love you as the mother of my children, which I can never thank you enough for. You are my best friend, lover and soul mate and I never want to spend another moment without you" I said with emotion, tears burning my eyes.

"I want to spend eternity loving you and our children. I want to spend forever with you, Bella. You fulfill me on so many levels. You complete me; heart, body and soul. You are my life, Bella, and I love you so fucking much" I chocked back the sob that was about to escape.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you please do me the extraordinary honor of marrying me?" I asked and held up the ring. Water drowned my face and mouth as I spoke, but this moment was probably the best moment of my life. I had asked Bella to marry me in a shower without a romantic dinner or romantic words. I spoke from my heart and laid everything I had before her. I was literally and figuratively naked in front of her as I awaited her answer.

"Yes, Edward, yes, yes, yes" she cried as she fell down in front of me. Her fingers locked at the nape of my neck, curling my hair between her fingers and pulling me down to her lips.

"I'm sorry, so sorry" she cried against my lips. Saliva and water mixed as our mouths opened and closed around each other's, moving around in a frenzied kiss.

"I'm sorry, too" I said when we parted for air.

We stood up and I held her left hand in mine, slipping the ring on her ring finger. The diamonds shimmered brightly in the light and was perfect on her finger.

She jumped onto me and hugged me fiercely, sending me crashing against the shower wall. I chuckled, but the intensity of the moment made me swallow hard. I slowly walked her back into the opposite wall and brought her legs around my hips. I traced her cheeks as I looked deeply into her eyes.

"You are so beautiful" I whispered before I crashed my lips to hers. Her hands snaked around my neck and locked her fingers into my hair. My tongue ghosted over her bottom lip before I sucked it into my mouth, nipping softly on the silkiness of it. Her mouth opened slightly and I pushed my tongue in. The heat and taste was something that I wasn't able to describe. Our tongues danced together while our lips moved in perfect synchronization, eliciting moans, whimpers and growls from one another.

I held her up with my body against the wall while my hands trailed from her shoulders to her perfect mounds. I cupped them, craving the silky softness, before I started massaging them. I flicked her nipples with my thumb and index finger, rolling, pinching and rolling some more. She threw her head back, stopping our kiss, and arched her back with a loud moan. Drops of water covered her breasts and my mouth watered at the sight. So fucking beautiful…

Her hands moved up and down my arms, scratching lightly with her nails. My skin pricked with goose bumps and I moaned against her flesh. I sucked one of her nipples into my mouth and nibbled it between my teeth, causing her to dig her nails deeper into my arms. I bit harder and Bella gasped with pleasure.

"I need you, Edward" she said as her head moved from side to side against the shower wall.

"Fuck, Bella" I hissed when her hands pushed between us and grabbed my dick in her slender fingers. I threw my head back, my mouth slightly opened and my eyes slid closed as the ecstasy overwhelmed me. "So…good" I hissed. Her hands moved up and down my shaft, painfully slow. Her thumb rubbed over the head and my dick twitched in pleasure.

"I need you inside of me, Edward" she said against my ear, quickening her movements on my dick, flicking her tongue out and ghosted over my earlobe before she sucked it between her teeth and gently nibbled. "NOW" she forced out. She massaged my balls before she pulled her hands back.

I looked at her beautiful, flustered face before I lined my dick up with her entrance. I dipped a finger into her hot and soaked sex to make sure she was ready…and, oh my fucking gosh, she was more than ready. My mouth watered with saliva at the thought of tasting her sweet nectar. Maybe later…

I pushed the tip of my head into her opening and almost cried at the sensation. I closed my eyes tightly as everything became incoherent around me.

"I want it hard, Edward" she hissed, pressing her nails into my shoulders as she held herself up.

"Fuck" I yelled as I pushed into her hard and fast.

"Yes…oh, fuck…harder" she yelled.

I pulled out before I plunged into her again, harder and faster. We were both frantic with need. We were screaming, panting, growling, moaning and whimpering all at the same time. Our rhythm was fast and hard. Bella had met my every thrust and pound, grunting and groping each other hard. This wasn't slow or gentle…this was pure and unadulterated hard sex mixed with the fury we had experienced a few minutes ago. Nothing like make-up-sex after a heated argument, and Bella and I was proving that it was fucking hot as hell.

"I'm…so…close" she panted as she grinded her core against mine, circling her hips and meeting every thrust I pounded into her. I reached down and pressed my thumb against her clit, circling and flicking it as I pumped in and out of her.

"Bella, I'm…not…going…to…last…any"

"Yes, Edward, yes, yes, yes" she screamed out as I felt her walls clench around me. Her shoulders shook, her eyelids fluttered, her stomach muscles contracted and her entire body shuddered as spasm after spasm overtook her. Her sex clamped down on my dick, sending me right over the edge with her.

"Belllllaaaa" I yelled as I thrust one last time before exploding inside of her. White stars danced behind my eyelids as floods of ecstasy overflowed within me. "I love you" I yelled. Jolts of electricity sparked over my entire body, tickling my balls. I quaked over and over again filling her with my seed as the final moments of my orgasm faded.

Bella's face was buried in the crook of my neck, breathing deeply. She finally looked up at me; her chest pressed against mine, rising and falling in unison from exhaustion. If it wasn't for the fact that we were in the shower, our bodies would have been dripping with sweat.

"That was…" Bella said out of breath.

"Mind-blowing" I finished with a chuckle.

I pulled out of he and we cried from the loss of intimate contact. Bella's legs dropped to the floor, holding onto my forearms as her legs wobbled from the aftermaths of her orgasm. The water was still hot and I decided to wash her. I took her favorite shampoo and poured some onto my hand, lathering it into her hair. I massaged her scalp deeply as I washed her hair. I poured some shower gel onto my hand and lathered every inch of her flesh, rubbing and massaging deeply. She whimpered and moaned erotically as I continued my ministrations with her back against my chest.

I took my time lathering her center; dipping my fingers between her lips and running it up and down her slit, washing it thoroughly and oh so erotically.

I rubbed against her swollen nub, her body shivered in my arms. One hand was circling her clit while the other held her body up as her knees already grew week.

"More…Edward…more" she gasped, grinding her hips against my groin, eliciting a growl from my chest. I circled her nub faster until she shuddered in my arms. Her body convulsed as wave after wave of euphoria erupted from her body, shaking and shuddering her entire body. "I can't…" she fell down, but I caught her in time, "stand" she finally sighed in my arms.

I chuckled as I closed the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her before I picked her up and carried her to bed. I lay her down gently, placing a kiss on her head. She sighed with fluttering eyes, completely spent, before she mumbled which sounded like, 'thank you' 'I love you' 'tired'.

I chuckled. She was so beautiful, so fucking beautiful. I took the wet towel from her body and covered her under the sheets. I switched the lights of and climbed in next to Bella. I pulled her into my arms and she snuggled closely, wrapping her arm around my chest and hitching her leg over mine.

"I love you so much, my beautiful love, sweet dreams" I whispered softly. Her chest rose and fell against mine as her breathing depended. I breathed in unison with her and before long, I drifted to a deep and peaceful sleep.

I placed kisses on her head while my fingers fluttered across her bare shoulder. I woke with a smile, an endless fluttering in my chest and the perfect harmony in my head. Bella was my fiancée. I had finally asked her to marry me and she accepted. I had no idea why I was so scared about this step in the first place. It all seemed so distant; my fears, my insecurities and my ignorance.

I blamed Esme for so long that it had taken a permanent residence in my heart. Esme and Carlisle's failed marriage had caused me years of pain and fears. Fucking years!

"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" Bella croaked out with a yawn. Her legs were strangled with mine, her hair was sprawled all over my chest and her hand rested on my hipbone. I could feel her soft breasts against my ribs, rubbing my – already sizzling – flesh as she stretched with another yawn escaping her beautiful lips.

"How'd you sleep, my beautiful fiancé?" I asked. I liked how the words sounded; _my fiancé, my fiancé, my fiancé, _I kept repeating it over and over in my head, and my smile grew even bigger.

At the mention of fiancé, she raised her left hand and held it in front of her, looking at the ring. I saw the reflection of the diamond in her dark eyes. She looked at it with pride, love and reverence.

"Where did you get a ring?" she asked. I chuckled. Leave it to Bella Swan in asking me this question hours after I have proposed.

"I bought it ten years ago" I smiled.

Her head rose from my chest and she leaned on her elbow as she looked deeply into my eyes.

"You weren't shitting me?" she asked.

"I told you that I had the receipt, Bella. After I had left the hotel room, I went to the stage to do the damn sound check, but while I was there I started thinking about our argument. My heart constricted at the thought of losing you, so, I went and bought you a ring" I explained, feeling the familiar pain in my chest as I relived the memories. "Of course, you were already gone and my heart shattered like broken glass…never being mended again, until I ran into you at _Twilight" _

"I don't know why I left without saying goodbye. I was such a stubborn bitch-"

"Was?" I asked playfully.

She punched my shoulder and fell into a fit of giggles.

"Okay, so, I'm still a stubborn bitch" she agreed. "Anyways, as I was saying, I'm a stubborn bitch and after you refused to give into my demands, well, let's just say that I couldn't take it. I felt rejected and betrayed by the one person I've loved more than anything in this world. It kinda left a scar…" she whispered with sadness.

"I'm so sorry. Our lives have been one big fucking rollercoaster ride, hasn't it?"

"You can say that again" she huffed. "But, everything turned out pretty good. We're back together and nothing will ever come between us again. We'll learn to compromise and we'll always communicate when something's bothering us. We'll love one another deeply and passionately…forever!"

"Forever" I pulled her over my body, straddling me at my hips.

We made love again and afterwards we had breakfast; pancakes and bacon. We fed each other until we almost rolled off of the stools from being too stuffed.

I was on my way meeting Jasper and Alice at some restaurant. They wanted to discuss something with me; they actually invited me for breakfast, but just the thought of food made my stomach turn.

I walked into the diner and spotted them immediately, what with Alice waving her hands like a pixie maniac.

I leaned in and kissed my sister on her cheek while I greeted Jasper with a shoulder hug.

"So, what's up?" I asked after we greeted each other.

"Well, I was thinking, we left LA to move here" Jasper started saying, getting right into what they wanted to discuss with me. "We can't just sit around and watch our lives pass by" he carried on.

"We don't need to work, Jazz" I said. It was true, we had earned millions from the band and we would be able to live forever on that money.

"Don't you want to do something, Edward, something we're good at?" Alice squealed excitedly.

"Well, yeah, sure" I shrugged. "I haven't really thought about it, I mean, I had a lot to deal with"

"We know, Edward, and that's why Alice and myself have been discussing this. We were making plans when we were still in LA" Jasper said.

Our waitress came to take our order. Alice ordered almost everything on the breakfast menu while Jasper and I ordered coffee. My eyes widened when Alice asked for an extra slice of toast.

"Wow, Ali, where you gonna put all that food?" I asked. I noticed how Jasper shook his head at me, mouthing that I should shut the fuck up. I have never seen my sister eat so much.

She glared at me through narrowed eyes and an angry pout.

"What are you saying, Edward, that I'm fat?" she spat.

"No, you pixie maniac, I asked where you're going to put all the food you ordered. There's not a word in that sentence that suggested you were fat" I said in amusement.

"I'm eating for two" she shrugged.

"By the amount of food you ordered, I would say that you're eating for four" I chuckled. All the while, Jasper made weird faces and he desperately tried not to laugh.

"Fuck off, Edward" she growled.

"Quite a potty mouth there, Ali, you shouldn't speak like that while you're pregnant" I teased.

"Oh, please" she snarled.

"Can we get back to our previous conversation?" Jasper asked.

Our waitress was back with our food and when she placed two plates of food in front of Alice, mine and Jasper's eyes widened at the amount of food she was about to eat.

"Don't say one fucking word" she hissed at me and Jasper.

"So, Jasper, what's the plan?" I asked, getting back to our previous discussion.

"Well, we've been thinking about opening some sort of music school" Alice blabbered out – with a mouth full of food - before Jasper had a chance to do it himself.

"A musical school?" I asked flabbergasted.

"Yea, do you think we can pull it off?" Jasper asked.

"Well, sure, it'll take a while to get authorization, I think. We'll contact my attorney and ask what we'll need. We'll have to draw up a business plan and decide where we want to situate the school"

"We've already drawn up the business plan. We want to build the school from the ground, so, we'll need to meet with an architect to draw up the plans of the school. We should sit down and discuss what classes we want and how many rooms we need…there's so many things to do" Jasper explained.

"We could even ask Emmett to help out after hours…we know every instrument there is to know-"

I chuckled and cocked an eyebrow at Alice.

"Well, almost every instrument" she giggled. "Do you think that Bella would be interested?" she asked.

"I don't know, I'll have to ask her" I whispered.

"This is going to be awesome" Alice giggled.

"Have you guys thought of a name?" I asked. Alice and Jasper's excitement was starting to rub off on me and I really liked their idea.

"_Eclipse" _Jasper smiled. "It was our band's name and it would be perfect for our school" he added.

"Eclipse Music School" I said to myself and nodded.

"Yea, I like that" Alice said.

We discussed our future plans about the school and hoped that we would be able to register the place as a school, or maybe we should just give extra music classes because we weren't teachers…it would make things difficult. We decided to take the chance and if it wasn't going to work, we would just give extra classes. But, to us it would be a school where we would help all ages become the musicians they were born to be.

"How's the pregnancy?" I asked Alice after we finished discussing the school.

"Everything's good. The baby is healthy and I'm almost four months now" she said.

"I'm so happy for you" I smiled. I felt a rush of sadness when I remembered how I wasn't there when Bella was pregnant with Tristan. I never saw her belly grow, I never felt him kick, I never heard his heartbeat and I wasn't there when she gave birth. Those were important stuff that I had missed. I wished I could have been there from the very beginning of his life when it started in Bella's body.

I wondered if Bella would want more children…the idea thrilled me and I suddenly felt excited at the mere thought of Bella and me having more babies. I needed to talk to her about it because it was important.

"Have you thought of names?" I asked.

"We were thinking, Carlisle if it's a boy or Carlie if it's a girl" she whispered as tears filled her eyes. "I want my child to have something of Dad's"

"Dad would be so proud, Ali. I think it's a perfect idea" I cupped the back of her hand with mine.

"He refuses to go to the hospital" she said.

"Dad went there, Al, there's nothing they can do for him. The tumor is too big and is very aggressive…even if they remove the tumor, it'll grow back and it'll grow back fast. They won't be able to remove the whole tumor" I explained softly.

"I know, but it sounds so unreal" she cried softly.

"Have you heard from mom?" I asked bitterly.

"No, not since the last time I spoke to you" she shook her head.

We talked some more about everything that was going on in our lives. I wasn't going to tell them about Bella and me because I figured that it was something Bella and I needed to do together.

We walked to the outside together. We were all still living with Emmett, so there was no need for goodbyes. Just a simply 'see you later' was all that was needed.

So many thoughts went through my mind on my way to Emmett's house; Bella, Dad, Mom and this school idea. My mother was the bitter part of those thoughts.

Emmett had two days off and wanted to spend some more time with our family. Rosalie had moved in as well, but Rose and I became really close after everything I went through with Bella. We would talk about stuff and even make dinner together. At the moment, she was the fun part of the family. Emmett was always at the hospital, dad was almost always sleeping, Alice was a moody pregnant pixie and Jazz was moody because his wife was moody. Rosalie had no problem finishing a couple of beers with me.

I was surprised when I drove up the driveway and saw a silver Mercedes parked where I usually parked. I wondered who it was.

I hastily made my way into the house and heard the familiar voice of my mother echoing through the house.

"Emmett, Carlisle needs to go to the hospital" she ordered. She was in full-blown dominant mode, throwing orders around as if she was still in control.

I found them in the kitchen where she was standing with her back to me. Rosalie was clenching her jaw at my mother and I almost chuckled.

"Well, well, well" I spat. "What changed your mind, mother, because as you know my father is still sick and I thought it repulsed you"

"Edward, dear, how have you been?" she asked.

"You could have called to ask me that. What do you want?" I asked rudely.

"I'm still your mother and you don't get to speak to me like that" she hissed.

"Oh, now you want to be a mother" I threw my hands in the air, "Well, you're too late"

"I have always been your mother" she gasped.

"Only when it suited you. Why are you here?" I asked again.

"Carlisle asked me to come-"

"Weeks ago, mother, fucking weeks ago" I yelled. "So fucking nice of you to come now after you've broken his heart"

"Edward, Carlisle and I have been over for years. I have my own life now and I can't jump whenever he snaps his fingers" she yelled back.

"Go back to your life then, we don't need you" I growled. I turned around and stomped off, but she followed me.

"I hear that you have a son" she asked sweetly. I slowly turned back to her, knowing she had read it in the papers because I haven't told her about Tristan.

"Yes, I do" I answered flatly.

"Why have she kept him from you?" she asked.

"None of your damn business. If you paid attention to me ten years ago, you would have known the exact reason, but since your children was a nuisance to you-"

"I always warned you about Bella. I never liked her and always warned you that she would break your heart someday. She had proven me right; she kept your son from you. That was selfish-"

"Don't you dare say one more word about Bella. Bella is the epitome of perfection. She is kind, loving, compassionate and a good mother – something you know nothing about" I warned her.

"Oh, please, Bella isn't half the person I am" she snorted.

"You're right because she's so much better than you'll ever hope to be" I spat. I was downright pissed at my mother. No, I was fucking livid. Who the hell was she to judge Bella?

"I can't talk to you when you are in this state" she waved me off.

"Does my father know you are here?" I asked.

"Yes, I have spent the morning with him in his room" she smiled.

I dismissed myself as I ran up the stairs towards my father's room. I knocked before I opened the door and found him lying on his back on the bed. He seemed to be sleeping, but when I walked closer to him, he opened his eyes and smiled widely at me.

"How's Bella?" he asked immediately.

"Happy…she's happy dad"

"It exhilarates me that you are back to together, Edward" he sighed. "You belong together"

"Thanks, Dad" I smiled. "So, what does mom want?" I finally asked.

"She came to see how I was doing?" he chuckled in a cynical way.

"Dad, I know you love her. I know that you only want to be happy, but she's not going to make you happy, Dad, she's going to make you miserable. She hasn't changed one bit" I said in disgust. "She's still selfish and so fucking self-centered"

"Son, I realize that. I've known Esme for a very long time and there was a time that she was very compassionate" he sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "Everything changed when she was pregnant with Emmett" he explained.

"Dad, we were her kids and you her husband. She treated us like fucking chess pieces…moving us around as it pleased her, making our moves for us" I said in anger as all the memories of our childhood popped into my brain.

"I'm sorry for how everything has turned out, Edward. I only wanted the best for you, Emmett and Alice. You are my life and it crippled me that you were hurt by our failed marriage" he said with emotion. A single teardrop rolled down his cheek. Remorse filled my soul.

"I'm sorry, dad. Please don't be sad" I pleaded, taking his hand in mine and placed a soft kiss on it.

"I've been sad for a very long time, Edward. My greatest regret is how you kids had grown up with constant unhappiness in our home, constant fighting and with no love between your mother and me" he sobbed softly.

"Dad, you loved mom. You still do" I whispered.

"I'll always love your mother, but I have learned to let go. I have made peace - over losing your mother - years ago"

"I love you, dad. Alice and Emmett loves you" I smiled, "Tristan, Abbey and Bella loves you"

"And that's the greatest and most precious gift I could have ever asked for"

"You should rest. We'll talk some more later" I stood up from the bed and leaned down to place a kiss on his head. I was so proud of my father. I was proud that I had a father like Carlisle Cullen. I was proud to be his son.

I wasn't in the mood for my mother's company, so I locked myself in my room and decided to call Bella. We had plans to take the kids to see a movie later today. I wanted to speed things up and do something with them now before I strangled my mother to death.

I dialed her number and waited patiently for her to answer. It kept ringing until her voicemail came on. I frowned. Bella always had her phone on her. I tried again, but still there was no answer. After the fourth time I had dialed her number, someone answered – a male – and breathed heavily into the phone.

My heart stopped beating. The breathing sent chills down my spine.

"Who is this?" I asked. "Bella?" I yelled.

"You never should have touched her" the voice growled into the phone.

"Who is this?" I asked again. My hands were shaking. My breathing was labored. I knew Bella was in trouble; I could have felt it in the pit of my stomach.

"You'll never see her again. I'm taking her away, far away, from you and those brats" he laughed evilly into the phone before he hung up.

For about ten seconds, I was frozen with the phone still against my ear.

"Emmett" I yelled when I came back to my senses. I ran from my room and down the stairs, calling for my brother hysterically.

"Edward, what's wrong?" he asked. He caught me at the bottom of the stairs and held my body up.

"Bella's in trouble" I choked. "Someone took Bella" I yelled out in hysterics.

"What? How do you know?" Rosalie asked.

"He answered her phone, Rose. He said he was taking her away from me and the…" I raked my fingers through my hair, "Tristan and Abbey! Oh my…I have to go" I said in fear.

"I'm coming with you" Emmett said. "Rose, call the police" he yelled before we left the house.

My tires squealed as I spun away. I drove like a maniac to Bella's house. Bella! My heart constricted in pain. I couldn't lose her, not now that I have found her again. I wouldn't be able to live without her again.

Emmett and I jumped out of the car at lightning speed, running towards the house. The front door was left ajar, and without thinking we rushed into the house. The place was a fucking mess; coffee tables were turned around, vases were left broken on the floor, the furniture was slashed and some of the curtains were ripped from the railings. It looked like a hurricane went through the house.

I lingered for a second before I ran up the stairs, Emmett followed close behind me. I ran to Bella's room and gasped at the sight that greeted me. The bed was turned over, clothes covered the floor and broken glass was everywhere I looked. What crippled me, though, was the blood on the walls. An agonizing sob escaped my mouth before I fell to my knees.

"Daddy" I heard Abbey's crying voice.

"Daddy" Tristan cried, too. They ran into my arms and I hugged them fiercely, crying into their necks. Their tiny bodies shook in my arms as they wept loudly.

"He took her, dad. He took her" Tristan cried. His lips quivered while more tears flowed over the brims of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks.

"Who, Tristan? Who took her?" I asked.

"Sam" he simply answered.

oOoOoOoOoO

A/N: Some of you are going to be pissed as hell over this chapter. He was bound to make an appearance at some point. Thoughts?

If anyone is interested in becoming Beautiful Disaster's beta, please let me know.


	24. Chapter Twenty Three - Sam & Esme

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all.**

**Please welcome my lovely beta, Browneyedgirl825, who took it upon her to correct my abundant mistakes and help keep the chapters perfect. She also took it upon herself to edit this story from the beginning. Thank you so much, you're a real angel :D**

**Chapter Twenty Three: Sam & Esme**

**BPOV**

"Belllaaa!" I heard the familiar voice that had haunted me for almost six years now. I was in Tristan's room; we were discussing what he wanted to do today with his father. Tristan's eyes widened at the venomous voice coming from down stairs.

"Tris" I whispered. "Go to your sister's room and hide, baby. Lock the door and don't come out. No matter what happens, Tris, you don't come out of that room" I whispered.

"Mom, what about you?" he asked. His tiny body trembled with fear and tears already formed in his beautiful eyes. I pulled him to my chest and hugged him tightly – not knowing if it was the last time I would get to hold my son.

"I'll be fine" I whispered, trying to be brave. I knew that Sam had come with a purpose, though, and I had no idea what he wanted to do to me, but I was going to protect my children with my life. I knew that Edward would take good care of them and love them unconditionally. "Tell daddy that it is Sam" I whispered before I nudged him out of the room and pushed him into the direction of Abbey's room. I watched him run off to her room and when I saw the door closed, I ran to my room to get my cellphone.

"Come now, Bella, don't make me come up there" Sam laughed wickedly. My heart was pounding in fear at the evilness in his voice. I barged into my room; the bed was still a mess from mine and Edward's escapades a few hours ago. I was so distracted when my children came home that I never even thought about it.

I grabbed my cellphone from the nightstand and was about to dial Edward's number when I heard Sam barge into the room. I yelled and dropped the phone on the floor. My eyes landed on the knife he had in his one hand and a handgun in his other. He raised his hand and pointed the gun on me.

"Hello, babe" he smiled. His eyes were black, his face was hard and his lips had bitterness around them causing the smile to be pure evil.

"I'm not your babe" I spoke softly.

"But you are, dear Bella, you are mine" he hissed. "I've read in the papers that you've been a naughty fucking girl, Bella. Fucking Edward Cullen behind my back" he smiled again. He pointed his index finger at me and moving it from side to side "Tsk, tsk! You're going to have to pay for letting him touch you with his filthy hands" he said. My blood turned to ice as I watched the blackness of his eyes darkened even more.

"I was never yours, Sam. You fucking raped me" I said. He started pacing the floor, scratching his stubble with the knife. I slowly crouched down to get to my phone. I knew that once Sam got his filthy hands on me that he wasn't going to let me go. I was scared shitless; for myself, my children and for Edward.

I took my eyes off of Sam for a minute to guide my hand to my phone. I had to get hold of Edward. The blow to my head knocked me off my feet and I fell against the wall. My hand reached up to my throbbing head. I pulled my face from the pain that shot through my head. My hair was sticky from the blood that seeped through the open wound.

"Naughty girl" he tsked again.

"What do you want, Sam?" I asked through clenched teeth, holding my hand over my bleeding head.

"I found out that you have a daughter. Is it mine?" he asked.

"No, she isn't" I simply answered. "She's Edward's daughter"

He slapped me across my cheek and I yelled out in pain.

"Don't lie to me" he said.

"I'll do whatever you want, Sam. Please just leave my children out of this" I started begging. I wouldn't let him take my daughter. I would rather die than for him to take her.

"I never wanted the brat, Bella, I only want you" he spat. "If you try anything, though, I will not hesitate to kill her" he threatened and my blood turned to ice leaving my entire body cold.

Sam stepped forward and grabbed me by the arm, pulling me up harshly and pushed me against the wall. He slipped my engagement ring from my finger and threw it on the bed before his filthy lips crushed to mine and he kissed me painfully hard, slobbering me with his saliva all over. I pierced my lips, refusing to kiss him back. He gripped my hair between his hand that held the knife and pulled hard. I hissed in pain before he let go of me. I had to hold on to the wall as everything around me started spinning.

I tried to think about my son and daughter and Edward…my happy thoughts! Christmas was in three weeks. It would have been our first Christmas together as a family. It would have been Edward and Tristan's first Christmas together as father and son, and I would have been a part of it. Now, I had no idea how or when I would get away from Sam. I had no idea what he had planned for me and what he wanted with me. I also knew that Edward wouldn't want me back if Sam touched me…

How would we get past this episode? We had been through so fucking much and now this…

"I'm going to have to teach you some manners" he hissed. "Let's get out of here" he said while grabbing my arm again.

At that moment my phone started ringing. Sam looked at the phone and dropped me before he picked it up from where I had dropped it moments ago. He stared at the screen with a deep frown. It rang again but he didn't answer it. Instead, he grabbed my arm and started pulling me out of the room. When we entered the living room area, I started to freak out because this was it; if I left the house with him and got into his car, my kids and Edward would never see me again. I had to do something.

My phone rang again and I took my chance. I stomped my foot hard on his toes and hit him in his ribs with my elbow. He crouched down and I used all my force to blow a punch onto his face, which hit him on his nose. I tried to grab the handgun from his hand, but he held on tightly. We struggled before a shot went off. It echoed through the house and I could hear my children's screaming and crying. My heart froze, praying that I wasn't shot. My eyes widened while I waited for my death, but it never came. My hands explored every part of my body, but there wasn't a sign that I've been shot.

Sam, on the other hand, was jumping up and down and that was when I saw the blood seeping from his shoe. He was shot in the foot. My phone rang again. I knew it was Edward and I knew that if I could stall Sam, Edward would rush over here to see why I wasn't answering my phone.

"You fucking bitch" Sam cried. "No more nice guy" he chuckled through his tears. He slapped me hard across my cheek before he grabbed me again.

"If you want your brats to live, Bella, you'll stop trying to be brave" he threatened again.

I willingly left the house after he threatened to kill my children. I would literally die for them and decided to leave my house and leave my children in safety. Edward would find them and keep them safe.

Sam pushed me into the driver's seat of my car and ran around to get into the passenger seat. He ordered me to start the engine and drive, barking out directions. His foot was still bleeding all over the place.

My phone rang again and this time Sam answered the phone. My heart was beating wildly as he told Edward that he would never see me again. After he ended the call, he turned the phone off and threw it out of the window. My heart sunk into my feet. Everything seemed so unreal.

Last night Edward and I had made love for the first time in ten years. It was heaven and even beyond that. I had never felt happier than at that précised moment. Then we had that childish argument about the stupid proposal and the ring. When he proposed to me in the shower, he made me the happiest woman that walked this earth. I finally had everything I had ever wanted; the big fucking house, Edward and my children. I was finally engaged to the man I have loved since we were six years old. Yes, we had done everything in reverse, but we had gotten to the point where none of the past was important. We had everything because we were finally together.

Now, we were apart again.

"You're going to pay, Bella. You're going to pay for everything you have put me through" Sam said, bringing me out of my reverie about Edward.

"What have I put you through?" I asked. I haven't done anything to this man. I also had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.

"You left me, Bella. And then I had to read about you in the papers…I was so glad that I finally found you, but then I found out that you've been fucking me over with Jacob and Edward. Plus, you've been hiding my daughter from me" he spat.

"She's not your daughter, Sam" I said. "She's Edward's daughter in every way. Wait, how did you find me?" I asked. I wanted answers and I wanted them now.

"It took me a while to figure things out, but I finally managed to get closer to one of Edward's relatives. She gave me some interesting facts about you-"

"Who is she?" I asked. My mind was reeling so fast trying to figure out who had access to Sam.

"That is not of importance at the moment. You'll learn everything soon enough" he chuckled. Shivers ran down my spine. His presence had caused nothing but fear. Everything about Sam was pure evil; there wasn't one single thing on this man that made him good. He also had a new craziness in his eyes that wasn't there when I have met him five years ago. And the fact that he kept saying that I had cheated on him was evidence of the fact that he was indeed a fucking loon.

"I know Edward's family, Sam, and they know all about you. None of them would have befriended you" I whispered. It was the truth; I had told Carlisle, Emmett, Alice and Jasper about Abbey's father. Of course, they didn't know how he looked, but they knew his name was Sam Uley.

"They know me by name, Sweetheart, not by face" he chuckled again.

"Where are we going?" I asked, changing the subject. I was curious who the hell had been feeding him information about me, but I was more curious off where the hell he was taking me. We've been driving for hours and it was scaring me.

"To my old cabin that was build deep in the forests of Forks. No one has ever found it and I know you'll be safe there" he answered.

"Forks?" I asked.

"Don't get any ideas, Bella. I know you're from Forks, but no one will ever find you there. The cabin is in the middle of the forest and it is quite remote there. You'll see…" he chuckled again.

"Where have you been all these years?" I asked. I wanted to learn as much as possible about Sam. Maybe I could figure out a way to get away from him if I knew a little more.

"Here and there" he answered vaguely.

I sighed.

"Sam, if we're going to stay together for a while, you have to tell me stuff about you. You already know everything about me" I tried again.

"I had to take my mind off of you for a while, so I picked up a few girls here and there. It was fun…" he said. I noticed a change in his tone and turned my head towards him. Darkness clouded his face and his mouth pulled into a bitter line.

"One girl, though, hurt me bad and I had to make her pay for what she had done" he hissed, scratching his head with the tip of the knife.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Not to worry, Bella, she's dead now and will never hurt me again" he smiled. My heart pounded in fear. He had killed a girl. Guilt consumed me as I thought about what he had done to me. I could have prevented it. I should have gone to the police…

"I can't wait to show you my playroom. We're going to have so much fun in there" he said, leaning over and rubbed my cheek with his dirty fingers. Bile rose to my throat as his touch repulsed me to no end. I couldn't pull away because of the fear I had inside of me.

"Playroom?" I asked trying to distract him from fumbling me up in the car.

"Oh, yes, playroom. You know that little game we played when we first came together…" he looked at me and waited for my answer, which I was only able to nod to because I had no memory of that night. I was going to play along with Sam's games and take my chance to freedom as soon as I could.

"Well, I created a playroom with all sorts of toys. I can't wait to test them on you. The other girls were screamers, but you, Bella, you kept quiet the first time we played and that's what I liked about you. You were so submissive and so fucking flexible that I could have you in any position I liked" he continued explaining. All the while, bile rose to my throat, my stomach turned upside down and my heart jumped to my throat at his confession. For the first time since that dreadful night with Sam, I wished that I could have remembered. I wanted to know the sick shit he had done to me.

"Stop here" he ordered. I pulled to a stop on the side of the road with my entire body shaking. I was scared shitless.

"Why are we stopping?" I asked.

"This is where you go to sleep for a while" he chuckled.

"Sam, no, please, I won't do anything…" I pleaded, but felt the needle prick my arm.

"I don't want you to see where we are going" he said before everything turned black around me.

I woke up with a heavy head and it took me a moment to figure out where I was. My heart was in pain when I realized where I was and that it wasn't just a dream.

My head ached from the wound Sam had caused. I tried to reach for the throbbing ache, but my hands weren't able to move. I opened my eyes slowly and had to close them again as everything around me was spinning. My heartbeat was out of control and I felt nauseous. I opened my eyes again and it took me a while to focus on my surroundings.

I was tied – from neck to ankles – on a table. I was tied in a standing position and could see everything around me. I realized that I was completely naked and started freaking out. What if he raped me again while I was asleep? _Edward, please find me, _I whispered softly to myself.

Sam was nowhere to be seen and I calmed down a bit. I took the time to scan through the room and realized that it must have been the playroom he was talking about. I was in shock at all the disgusting equipment in the room and my body started trembling in fear. Some of the equipment was repulsive and I felt sick to my stomach.

The door cracked open and I quickly closed my eyes. I pretended to sleep, but when Sam's fingers trailed down my naked body, I yelped in disgust. My breathing was labored while my heart was racing a mile a second.

"I'm so glad that you're awake. You've been sleeping for quite a while" he whispered. The lust in his voice made my skin crawl.

"Why am I tied up?" I asked in a trembling voice.

"We're going to play, Bella" he smiled.

"I don't want to play, Sam. I'm hungry and thirsty…"

He slapped me across my cheek in anger. I started crying. Everything brave about me had left my heart and soul. My heart and soul was in bondage by fear now.

"You only speak when spoken to and only when I give you permission to speak, Bella. You should learn the fucking rules. I am your master and you are my slave. You never look directly into my eyes" he yelled. "Do you understand?"

"Yes" I croaked out.

"Yes, who?" he yelled again.

"Yes, Master" I cried.

"Now, you will not say one word during our play-sessions…not even a fucking whimper, Bella" he threatened. "You'll be punished whenever you disobey me. Do you understand?" he asked.

I only nodded without looking into his eyes.

"Good girl" he purred. "Now, I'm going to get undressed and you will look at me the entire time" he ordered. Once again, I only nodded.

I forced my eyes open and looked at him while he undressed himself. Lust was burning in his eyes and his chest was rising and falling fast. This sick shit turned him on. I knew in my heart that once Sam touched me, I wouldn't want to be found. I would never be able to look at Edward again, knowing the things Sam had done to me.

When he finally took his boxers off, I sighed in relief. I felt a flicker of hope inside of me because Sam's dick was burned. It looked like someone had set him on fire and then tried to cut the thing off. He wouldn't be able to touch me with that useless piece of thing. It suddenly dawned on me that the girl he killed must've done that. I thanked her, not even knowing who she was, but I thanked her over and over again.

I was still here, though, and it scared me. As long as he wasn't able to rape me, I would fight 'till the very fucking end to get away from him and get back to my family.

With desperation in his eyes, he started touching himself, desperately trying to get the dysfunctional manhood to work.

After a while, he yelled out with frustration and started throwing things around.

"See what she did to me? She destroyed me" he yelled out.

"Sam, we don't need to do this" I said softly, my heart applauded his inability to function right.

"You dare to speak to me, Bella, after I laid out the rules for you. I mean, they are not that difficult to understand" he seethed with anger.

"I'm sorry, Master" I quickly apologized. I had forgotten about his stupid rules.

"You'll be punished for that, Bella" he shook his head. "I'm so disappointed" he tsked while shaking his head sideways.

**EPOV**

I stared at the ring I had bought ten years ago. It was all I had done since I had found it on Bella's bed.

We were engaged for a few hours. A few fucking hours before that fucker took her.

Was that all I was going to get? Was that all I was privileged for? A few hours of blissful happiness. A few hours where I haven't felt happier in all of my life.

No one knew where Sam had taken Bella. The police traced her phone, but found it at the side of a road. Her car was nowhere to be found, too.

It had been three days since she had been taken. Three days of sleeplessness. Three days of constant crying. Three days of fucking nothing…

Tristan and Abbey were taking it the worst. They couldn't sleep at all and had to be given something for the shock. They would wake up in cold sweat after a nightmare about their mommy. I was more worried about Tristan because he was distancing himself from everyone and would only speak when spoken to. He only stared in front of him and barely ate.

He said that he could still hear Bella's screams and it haunted him. Carlisle suggested a very good child psychologist and I took my children to her. Emily had spent almost all of her time with Tristan and Abbey to help them cope with what was going on around them. Abbey had taken the therapy well, but Tristan was still struggling.

My heart was in pain and filled with fear. I had no clue what Sam was doing to Bella, but I could only imagine what he was capable of. From what Bella had told me about him, I knew that he was a sadistic sick fuck. If he touched her I would fucking kill him when I found him. I would fucking rip his throat out if he hurt her.

I have tried to come up with places where he would take her, but nothing. I wasn't here when she had met Sam and knew absolutely nothing about him. The only person who knew her then was Rosalie…

And Jacob Black.

That was it. I had to go to Jake's and find out if he knew anything about Sam. It was a long shot, but it was worth the try.

"Rose" I said, slowly raising my head to look at her. She never left my sight and was always where I was. She was in bad shape over everything that had happened.

"Yea" she said. Tear stains covered her cheeks and she held her knees to her chest. I stood up and took a seat next to her. I pulled her into my arms and she started sobbing again.

"I will find her, Rose, I promise you" I whispered softly, rubbing her back soothingly.

"If anyone can find her, Edward, you can because your love will guide you to her. I have faith in you" she sobbed into my chest. My eyes slid closed at her confession. I felt so fucking useless right about now and it felt like I have let everyone down.

"I need to go to Jake's house" I said and she raised her head to look into my eyes.

"Why?" she asked.

"I think he can help" I answered.

"Why didn't we think of this days ago?" she cried again. "Jake is Quileute and so is Sam. Jake probably knows something about Sam. I remember that he never liked the guy" she told me.

"I have to speak to him and find out what he knows about Sam" I fell back against the couch and jabbed my fingers into my hair.

"Maybe I could come with you" she suggested.

I shook my head.

"No, I want you to stay here with Abbey and Tristan. I don't want my mother to look after them" I sighed.

"Your mother is a pain in the ass" she sighed, too.

"That's an understatement" I tried to smile, but failed miserably.

My mother never told me why she was here. Oh, she said that she was here for Carlisle, but I called her bullshit. She was here for another reason. I overheard her talking to someone on the phone three days ago and it sounded like she was talking to a man. If she had a boyfriend, why was she hiding him from us?

"You're not too accommodating yourself, Rosalie" my mother's voice made our heads shot up.

"Mother, please" I sighed. I was drained of everything good inside of me. I was tired from not sleeping at all, which made my irritation even worse.

"And you should stop sulking around, Edward" she said with annoyance. "You have a son to take care of" she added.

"And a daughter" I said. She refused to acknowledge that Abbey was my daughter. And to say that it bugged the fuck out of me was a big understatement.

"She's not-"

"Don't even finish that sentence. You know what, I don't have time for this" I threw my hands in the air. I placed a kiss on Rose's head and glared at my mother before I tried to leave the room.

My mother's phone rang and I froze. I had a bad feeling about my mother, so I decided to stick around to get the truth out of her.

She left the living room while answering her phone, but I followed her. She hadn't noticed me, yet.

"Samuel, you shouldn't call me. I'll call you remember?" she whispered into the phone.

"Who the fuck is Samuel, Mother?" I fumed with anger.

She ended the call and turned around slowly.

"None of your business" she said.

I grabbed her phone from her and walked away.

"Give me my damn phone back, Edward" she hissed.

"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on?" I said.

"Samuel is my…ur…accountant" she lied.

"Bullshit" I spat.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Carlisle's voice echoed through the room. "There are children in this house that need some rest"

"Carlisle, you shouldn't be up" Esme cooed.

"I'm old enough to make my own damn decisions, Esme. Why are you still here, anyways? I thought I told you to go back to your house" he was fuming with anger. My eyes widened at this. I had no idea my father had sent my mother away. If I had known that it was what he had wanted, I would have thrown her out myself.

"You need me. Plus, with Edward's state-"

"I have never needed your help" I quickly interrupted her. "You're just making things worse by being here, especially with Abbey"

"Edward-"

"No, mother. If Dad doesn't want you here then you should leave. No one had said anything because we respected Dad's wishes, but now that I know that he doesn't want you here" I shrugged, "well, you should leave. The sooner the better"

"Fine. Just hand me phone and I'll be on my way" she said.

"Go pack your bags and I'll give you your phone" I challenged.

"Edward, what's with the phone?" Carlisle asked.

"There's something strange going on with Esme and her phone. I'd like to find out what it is" I simply answered, never leaving my mother's eyes.

"Samuel is my boyfriend" she answered without even blinking. "I met him two months ago" she added.

My father's face paled and he had to sit down after she revealed she had a boyfriend. Something inside of me stirred, though, and I found that I didn't trust this Samuel at all. Why all the secrecy?

"Where have you met him?" I asked.

"I was here in Seattle two months ago and he walked into me at a coffee shop" she said.

"You were in Seattle?" I asked.

"I was coming to see Carlisle, but then I met Samuel and…well, I took the time to get to know him better" she shrugged.

My mouth fell open at her selfless attitude. My bitterness and hatred for this woman spread through my veins and fueled my anger even more.

"Edward, have you seen the morning paper?" Emmett barged into the room with the paper in his hands. He looked at all of us and sighed.

"Are you guys fighting again?" he asked in exasperation.

"What's with the paper?" I asked.

"The police found a picture of Sam and they printed it on the front page. It's also on the news. Everybody is looking for him and they have hope of someone finding him" he explained with a clenched jaw. "This fighting isn't good for dad, Edward" he added.

"I know, Em, I'm sorry" I sighed. Emmett crouched down in front of my dad and asked if he was alright. "Can I see the paper?" I asked. It sure as hell took the police long enough to find out more about this Sam Uley. Emmett handed me the paper and I unfolded it to reveal a dark skinned man with black hair.

Esme gasped when she saw the paper. I turned my head to look at her paled face and trembling hands.

"What now?" I asked.

"That's…that's Samuel" she gasped again.

"What?" I yelled.

"That's Samuel, Edward, the man-"

"I know, I know. But…" I gasped. "You fucking led him to Bella, mother. He used you to get to Bella" I yelled.

"No, no, he loves me" she cried.

"This man had raped Bella years ago and probably raped some other girls as well. He doesn't love you…" I grabbed her arm and shoved the picture of Sam into her face.

"Why is he still contacting you?" Rose suddenly asked. She had moved and was standing in front of Esme.

"He said he wanted to meet my children, especially my grandchildren" she cried.

"Edward, he is after Abbey" Rose gasped.

"Where is he, mother?" I asked.

"I don't know" she sobbed.

"Where are you supposed to meet him with my children?" I asked.

"I'm supposed to go to Forks for the weekend, but you don't want me near them"

"With good fucking reason, mother" I said through clenched teeth. I jabbed my fingers into my hair and pulled hard.

I had to come up with a plan. I had to get Bella away from that man.

"Maybe we can still set up the meeting, Edward. We'll go to Forks together and grab him as soon as he is in sight" Emmett said.

I was still going to see Jake because I had a feeling that he could be of some help. I knew he hated me, but he loved Bella and that had to count for something, I think.

I finally had hope of finding Bella again. I just prayed that she wasn't hurt and that she was holding on. I hoped that Bella had as much faith in me as Rose did. I was going to kill that fucking bastard with my bare hands.

**BPOV**

Sam hadn't touched me, but he punished the hell out of me. I was a very disobedient sub and it pissed him off.

I had just figured that if I kept him mad at me then he wouldn't want to touch me. And, so far it was working. I didn't care about the beatings, I would take them anytime of any day, but I refused to be touched by him in any way.

He had told me that there was other ways to play with him being unable to perform. To be honest, it scared the living shit out of me. He had shown me all kinds of toys that he wanted to use on me to give me pleasure since he wasn't able to do it himself. The thought repulsed me and I almost puked my brains out.

Whenever he would take me to the playroom, I would act like a spoiled brat, which would make him livid. I would be strapped over some sort of table where he would whip me with some leather devices. It had hurt like hell, but I would rather take the beatings than the sexual abuse.

I've been here for four days. Four days where he would starve me as punishment, or beat the shit out of me. My body ached from being stretched out to all of his weird fucking equipment. Four days of him injecting me with some sort of drug and feeding me pills. I was unable to think clearly and was high most of the time, but I still said things to him to keep him off of me. My resolve was fading as the drugs he was giving me had taken their toll. My brain was slow and made everything around me spin. I knew he hadn't given me the same drug as five years ago, because I could still remember everything. I knew that drug took away your memory from the night before.

Last night I was tied to the ceiling with all kinds of chains going from one part of my body to the next. The collar around my neck had left purple bruises from being tied from the ceiling. He had bent me forward and tied my arms to my legs. I was stretched in ways that I never thought was even possible. My legs were stretched apart, but I kept falling down and then the collar around my neck would almost choke me half to death. He finally wrapped something around my torso, which was held by the ceiling to keep me from falling down.

I was still in this position because I asked him for some water and this was my punishment. I wasn't able to feel my legs or arms as I was tied in this position for hours.

"I'm going to tell you what I have planned for you" he suddenly said. He untied my arms and my body fell forward. The strap that was wrapped around my torso had held me up. He then tied my hands above my head and pulled the chains tighter.

He disappeared from my view and came back with a red ball. My eyes widened when I realized that he was about to gag me. I wouldn't be able to talk and say what I knew would piss him off. He would be able to do anything he had wanted to me because I wouldn't be able to speak.

He placed the ball into my mouth and wrapped the gadget around my head. He then injected me with drugs again and I could feel my body relax. I knew I was in trouble. Not only from Sam, but from all the drugs he had given me. My body already craved the shit he was giving me and when he didn't give anything to me, my body would start to shake and I would vomit profusely.

"You've been very bad the last couple of days, but I think it is time that you start respecting me. I have been very patient with you, Bella, but I want to play with you, not whip you all the time" he smiled, touching my face. His eyes darkened immediately with lust when he pinched one of my nipples.

I screamed, but the gag only made muffling sounds. He chuckled.

"I have to go get my daughter" he smiled. I tried to fight the chains, but he had tied them tightly, making it impossible for me to even move. Tears streamed down my face at the thought of my daughter in this man's claws.

"Esme thought that I loved her, but I only used her to get to you. She is bringing Abbey to me in two hours and then we'll be one big happy family. Well, without Esme. She'll have to die because she knows too much already" he grinned evilly.

The drugs were working fast and had a hard time focusing on one thing at a time. My mind was one big cluster fuck of confusing thoughts.

"When I come back, I'm going to have so much fun with you, my dear Bella" his bellowed laughter echoed through the room.

I was tired. Emotionally drained from everything I had been through the last couple of days. I had no fight left in me and wished I could just die right now. He was going to damage me again with his filthy hands and Edward wouldn't want me back after that. He couldn't rape me, but he was going to violate every part of my body with his hands and devices.

How would I get past this once I get away from Sam? How would I be able to let Edward touch me again after this? Was I strong enough to survive this tragedy?

_**oOoOoOoOoO**_

A/N: please don't give up on this story. If you have any questions you can ask me in a review, but only what you want to know, and I'll get back to you in a PM. I don't want to give anything away in my author's note, but feel free to review and I'll PM you. I know some of you are probably pissed right now, but don't give up on me.


	25. Chapter Twenty Four - Bella

Stephenie Meyer owns it all

A big thank you to my lovely beta; Browneyedgirl825 ( for correcting my mistakes and for helping me with this story.

I didn't have time to reply on reviews, I'm sorry its been a hectic couple of days :( thank you for all the reviews and for those of you who still reviews every chapter. Thanks for all the favorites and follows \m/ you guys rock!

OoOoOoOoOo

Chapter 24 - Bella

EPOV

"Edward, I don't know if I can do this," my mother cried.

I sighed in frustration.

"Mother, he has Bella. He raped her five years ago and heaven only knows what he is doing to her right now. You will do this for me because you are the one that led him to her in the first place," I said. I raked my fingers through my hair and blew out a breath that I hadn't even realized I was holding. My heart constricted at the thought of Bella in the hands of that maniac. I had to prepare myself for the state I was going to find Bella in. I knew we had a very difficult road ahead of us if he...if he...

I pulled my hair hard. I couldn't even think the words let alone say them.

My jaw clenched in anger. I wanted to kill Sam for ruining our lives. I wanted to strangle him and watch the life drain from his eyes. I wanted to strangle him for everything he had done to Bella and for even thinking that he could take Abbey away from me.

"Edward, I swear I had no idea what he was planning. I swear!" Esme cried.

"I don't have time for this." I swallowed hard. Esme's tears had left me cold. I felt absolutely nothing towards her, except bitterness.

Sam was meeting Esme at our old house. We had Forks police officers surrounding the yard, and Charlie was hiding inside the house along with Emmett. Jake and I were searching the forests of Forks along with some of his La Push buddies. They knew the forests like the back of their hands.

We had to hope that Sam would tell us where Bella was. If he knew better he would fucking tell us because Emmett planned on beating the truth out of him, not to mention Charlie. Emmett and Charlie knew that I would kill Sam. That was why they agreed that it would be better if I joined Jake's crew.

All of us wanted a piece of the fucker.

Charlie had about five minutes when Sam came into the house; because there was no way that I was going to use my daughter as bait. Esme would stall him by telling him Abbey was asleep. We hoped that he would demand to see her; Charlie and Emmett would be waiting in the room for him.

I was following Jacob and five other men. Jake had gathered about four groups to search the forests. He knew Sam from when they were kids. He said that if Sam was hiding, it would be in the remote forests of Forks. He was pissed to have read about Bella's abduction in the papers. It didn't take a lot of convincing for Jake to join our search for Bella. He basically called everyone he knew and within an hour we had a search party. Charlie had made the plans for Esme's meeting and promised me that he wouldn't let Sam get away.

I felt emotionally and physically drained from the lack of sleep and from worrying about Bella. Jake and I hadn't much to say to one another, but I followed every step he took.

How much more shit would we have to deal with before we could finally be happy? I mean, we have been through some hectic shit, but this...this was beyond fucked up.

"Edward, look!" Jake suddenly said after hours of hiking through the thick bushes. My head followed his finger and we noticed tire tracks. Jake went closer to inspect the tracks.

"What is it, Jake?" I asked.

"It looks like motorcycle tracks," he answered.

At that moment my phone rang.

"Charlie, please give me some good news," I answered the phone.

"He won't say where he is keeping Bella, but I had a hunch about his cellphone…"

"His cellphone?" I asked.

"He didn't have it on him, so I asked my colleagues at the office to trace the number." he explained.

"Tell me something," I sighed. "What was he driving?" I asked.

"A scrambler," he answered.

"We found the tracks and I'm pretty sure that it is his tracks." I explained. Jake looked at me and I nodded, silently telling him that it was Sam's tracks. He smiled and we started following the tracks.

"Charlie, I want that man dead!" I hissed into the phone.

"I know, son, but it's against the law to kill someone. Bella and your children need you with them, not in a jail cell," he said.

"I just want to find her," I sighed.

"Son, I want to prepare you for when you find Bella," Charlie whispered. My eyes pricked with tears as I waited for him to finish his sentence. "The last time she was pretty messed up, Edward, and I don't mean just mentally. She was physically in bad shape because of the beatings and violent behavior Sam inflicted on her body," he sighed. "Mentally she was just...dead," he added.

"Charlie, I have prepared myself for anything that might have happened to her. I'll love her no matter what and I'll stand by her. I'll never let her down again," I said adamantly.

"I know that now," Charlie whispered.

Charlie and I became closer over Bella's abduction. We came to some sort of understanding and I think Charlie saw how much I really loved Bella. I also realized that Charlie only had Bella's best interest at heart when he had kept me from her years ago. It wasn't because he didn't like me, it was because I had hurt Bella and he was trying to protect her from that happening again. Sure, he could have handled things differently, but he only saw Bella's hurt and pain, and that made him hate me.

We followed the tracks all the way to a cabin. The cabin was hidden quite well and if it wasn't for Jake and his team, we never would've found it. The tracks were clear, though, as if Sam had driven this path a million times. A chill ran down my spine at the thought of what he had done in this cabin.

It took me all of ten seconds to jump to a sprint and head for the cabin.

"Bella!" I started yelling, hoping she would answer me. "Bella, baby, answer me!" I yelled while yanking on the wooden door. Jake helped me to pry the door open and as soon as we cracked the door, I ran inside. We searched every corner of the cabin, but there was no sign of Bella.

I jabbed my fingers into my hair and pulled hard. I fell to my knees and started crying. She wasn't here…

"Edward!" Jake yelled. I looked at him and he pointed at a door on the floor. He yanked it open and I jumped back to my feet and ran down the stairs.

"Wait here." I held Jake back when he reached the bottom of the stairs. He looked pissed for a moment, but realized what I was trying to say without me actually saying it.

My heart jumped to my throat when I reached a metal door. Tears were flooding my face as I tried to brace myself for what I would find behind the door. My chest ached when I reached the handle and my stomach turned from nervousness.

The heat of the room was overwhelming and struck me as soon as I opened the door. My eyes caught different kinds of equipment and bile rose to my throat. This was the same sick shit that Tanya wanted us to get into. I recognized some of the shit because Tanya had searched it over the internet. It was at that moment that I realized that Bella was in deep shit.

My heart sprinted in fear when my eyes landed on her naked body all tied to chains that hung from the ceiling. Her head hung low and I choked out a sob.

"Bella, love," I cried as I ran to her. I carefully raised her head and started puking at the sight of my Bella. She had bruises covering her face and she had a gag in her mouth. I heaved until there was nothing left in my stomach before I attended to her again. I touched her softly, but she never responded.

I took the gag off before I attended to the rest of the chains. It took me a while to figure out what to do before her limp body fell into my arms. Her back was covered in red welts, probably from beatings, and her body was covered in purple, blue and green bruises. She had purple and blackish marks under her eyes as well as around her neck. I laid her down on the floor before I yanked my jacket off and covered her body.

I held her in my arms and cried softly into her neck.

"Please, love, please wake up." I sobbed like a fucking baby. "I can't lose you, love. Not again."

If it wasn't for the warm air that escaped her nose and for her chest rising and falling, I would have thought that she was dead. I held her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist. My tears rolled down her arms. I clenched my jaw when I saw the markings caused by needles. The piece of shit drugged her.

"Edward, are you okay?" I heard Jacob's voice.

"Jake," I cried. "Jake, we have to get her out of here." I sobbed loudly.

Jake appeared before me and knelt at Bella's head. I looked up, completely vulnerable in front of this man who loved Bella too. He had tears running down his face as well and without even trying we became closer just by Bella's abduction. The woman we loved laid before us; beaten, drugged and raped.

"Let's get her out of here." Jake suggested.

I was only able to nod. My heart was in excruciating pain at the sight of my love. It broke my heart to see her so broken. Now I knew what Charlie had meant when he said that she was a mess when Sam raped her the first time. It was probably not as bad as this time because he had four days to do this to her; four fucking days of torture, while I was unable to find her.

The guilt I felt was immeasurable. I should have moved in with her. I should have installed the best security systems even when Bella objected.

"We need to lift her up, Edward. I'll go see if there's a blanket somewhere in the house," Jake whispered through his tears. I was suddenly very thankful for Jake's presence. I wasn't able to think or act and Jake had taken control of the situation.

I gently rubbed Bella's hair and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Hold on, love, just hold on. I love you, Bella. I love you so fucking much." I cried into her hair.

"Abbey," she sighed. My heart leaped with joy from hearing her voice. It was – at that moment – the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

"She's safe, Bella. She's at home with Rosalie and can't wait to see you." I sobbed and laughed at the same time. Her eyes fluttered open and a small smile spread on her lips.

"So beautiful," she sighed again. I chuckled.

"You're the beautiful one," I said and kissed her cheeks.

She closed her eyes again with a content sigh. The smile remained on her lips, which had caused me to smile too.

Jake came back with a blanket and he helped me wrap it around her body before we gently lifted her up and carried her out of the cabin. I was still nauseous from everything I saw in that basement, but was so relieved that we had found Bella and that she was safe.

We were surprised to find Charlie waiting for us outside of the cabin. There were paramedics too and they immediately took Bella out of our arms and placed her on a gurney. They started working on her, but I never left her side. I held her hand the entire time, praying that she would be alright.

Jake and Charlie were whispering and from the look on their faces I knew something was wrong. Panic filled my heart and I kissed Bella's hand before I joined them.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Charlie rubbed his eyes before he raked his fingers through his hair.

"Sam managed to escape!" he hissed.

"What?" I yelled.

"When I left the house to come to the cabin, he attacked the officer in charge and escaped. He is still cuffed – to the fucking front – but he took the officers handgun. They are searching for him as we speak," he explained.

"I have to warn Rosalie," I said with panic.

"Emmett already did that. Emmett is searching for Sam too," he said.

"Charlie, if I find him…not if, when…I'm going to fucking kill him for what he has done to Bella," I hissed through clenched teeth.

"Edward, I-"

"Edward," Charlie was interrupted by Bella's panicked voice. I immediately went to her and grabbed her hand.

"I'm here, love," I cooed.

"Don't ever leave me," she cried. She looked very disoriented and scared.

"Never," I swore.

"Mr. Cullen, we need to get her to the hospital. They'll need to draw blood for blood tests and they'll have a rape-kit ready," one of the paramedics explained.

"No," Bella whispered.

All of us looked at her in surprise.

"Bella, you have to go to the hospital. I'll be there with you and never leave your side again. I'll be with you every step of the way," I whispered back calmly, but on the inside I was brewing with anger.

"Edward, no!" She shook her head. "He never touched me," she whispered.

"But-"

"He didn't rape me, Edward. He couldn't," she said.

"Bella, are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes." She managed to chuckle. "I'm so tired," she sighed again.

"Shh, sleep now. I'll be here when you wake up."

They started hiking back to the ambulance – which was a pretty long way. Charlie, Jake and I looked at each other before a smile cracked on all of our faces.

He didn't touch her. He couldn't…

I fell to my knees and started crying out of gratitude. She wasn't violated in that way. It wouldn't have changed my feelings for her, but it sure as hell made everything simpler. If he had done that to her again…

We would have had a very difficult road ahead if she was raped again. Fuck! Relief spread through my entire body and washed away almost all of the fear I had inside of me.

"Let's go, son." Charlie placed his hand on my shoulder and held his other hand out for me to take. I took his hand and he helped me up before we followed the paramedics.

It suddenly dawned on me that everything was not okay. It wasn't fucking okay because Sam was still out there somewhere. One thing was for sure, I wasn't letting Bella or my children out of my sight. Plus, I would hire the best damn security guards there were and install the best security systems in our house. He wouldn't get near my family ever again. He'd better hope that I wouldn't find him because I was planning on killing him and chopping his fucking body into tiny pieces and burying them in these dark forests, where no one would ever find his useless body.

He wouldn't get away with what he had done. I swore that on my fucking life. I would avenge Bella's rape and violation. He would wish that he'd never laid eyes on my beautiful Bella.

Jacob had called his friends and asked them to help search for Sam, which they gladly agreed to. Jake promised me that they would find Sam and that he would never be able to get away again. He was also pissed at Sam for what he had done to Bella five years ago. He was there when Bella went through that horrific ordeal and he also wanted justice for her.

The trip to the hospital took forever because we had to walk for about an hour before we reached the ambulance. I never left Bella's side and held her hand the entire trip to the hospital. She was sweating and her entire body was shaking. The paramedic explained that it was either from shock or from withdrawal, but they'd be able to tell for sure once they ran tests to see what Sam had given her. She also vomited a couple of times.

It took every ounce of strength inside of me to remain calm while watching Bella go through this. There was nothing I could do and it infuriated me even more. I felt useless while standing by and seeing her go through this.

I remembered my time in rehab like it was yesterday. Sure, I wasn't an addict for long, but the withdrawals had made me believe that I was about to die. I remembered how I argued with Emmett and told him that I wasn't addicted to heroin and that I was able to control my hits, but the truth was that I was actually out of control. I haven't been using for long, but my addictive personality – proven by the heroin usage – had made it impossible for me to stop. I wanted more and more with every shot I gave myself. The rush was indescribable and once I felt that first rush after my first dose of heroin, I wanted more. I was chasing that first hit, but it never felt the same. I should have stopped after the first time, but my body and brain craved that thrilling and un-fucking-believable euphoria trip…

Sam only had Bella for four days and the only thing I thought about what he could have given her to give her withdrawals, was heroin. I've seen a lot of people fall for heroin after two days of using the shit. It depended on how many times you shot up per day and how much you used. Plus, the kind of personality you had also had a big fucking part in the whole addictive synopsis. I had only used once a day for a couple of months until that once became twice. I was always stoned, dirty and drunk. The only time I had felt normal was when I worked on lyrics and music. It had kept me going.

It was also the only time I had allowed myself to think of Bella. When I was stoned, I hadn't felt any pain and my memories of Bella had vividly haunted me. It was also during these times that I had written all of my songs about her because it was the only time I had felt no pain when I thought of her.

It was because of this reason that I refused to get clean. I knew that once I got cleaned, I would literally die when I thought of Bella. While I was in rehab, I started building a stone wall around my heart and whenever Bella's memories would haunt me, I would try to vaporize them with hatred and bitterness. It was how I survived for so many years because I knew if I was released from rehab and I would have a memory of Bella that I would go back to using again. I was getting clean and I wanted to stay clean.

I've seen people overdose; some were lucky while others had no luck and died. I've seen myself going down that road thousands of times. It never scared me. The truth was that I fucking welcomed it. I wanted it – at the time. I fucking craved it. But, death never came for me.

Rehab not only cleaned me up, but changed my heart in so many ways. I came out of rehab a selfish, bitter and self-centered fucking asshole. I treated everyone like shit because I wasn't able to face my failed relationship with Bella. I blamed everyone except myself.

Luckily, I have never fallen off the wagon with my heroin addiction. I never craved it again, which made my road to sobriety so much fucking easier. I have learned that hatred and bitterness was a far easier road to take and less dangerous.

I slowly raised my hands and covered my eyes, rubbing harshly, before I clamped them over my nose and mouth. I blew out some breath I was holding. Bella was asleep again, but she kept mumbling and every now and again she would scream out in fear. The scream alone turned my blood to ice.

Tears pooled in my eyes again before they spilled over the brims and slowly slid down my cheeks. How could this have happened to her? She had been through so much…so fucking much!

We were starting our life together. We were going to get married and live happily ever after…maybe adding a couple of more laughing children to our family.

I smiled at the thought.

Mini-Bellas and Mini-Edwards would be another blessing to our family.

My phone started ringing, bringing me out of my reverie about a house full of children. I fished the phone out of my pocket and groaned. Rose. I had completely forgotten about her.

"Rose," I answered. "I am so sorry-"

"Emmett called and told me that you found Bella. Is she okay?" she asked.

"We're on our way to the hospital, Rosalie. She was beaten pretty badly and he drugged her," I said with a sigh.

"Did he…I mean, was she-?" she stumbled over words, but I knew what she wanted to ask.

"No, Rose, he didn't. Bella said that he couldn't, I don't know, but they'll check her at the hospital."

"Can I tell Tristan and Abbey that they've found her?" she asked.

"Of course, yeah. I wish I could be there, but I don't want to leave Bella's side," I whispered.

"I understand, Edward." Her voice was trembling. "I knew you would find her." She started sobbing.

"Jake found the cabin, Rose. We couldn't have done it without him," I chuckled.

"I'm scared, Edward. What if they don't catch Sam?" she asked. I heard the fear in her trembling voice and my own fears started bubbling up from the surface.

"They will, Rose, don't worry. I'll hunt him down myself, Rose. I'll make sure he'll never hurt anyone ever again," I said.

"I know that, Edward. I have faith that if no one else finds him, you will!" she said.

We talked a bit longer until I said goodbye because we stopped in front of the hospital.

They pulled the gurney from the back of the ambulance and almost ran into the hospital with me following. They yelled out a few things that I didn't understand, and soon, Bella was surrounded by doctors and nurses. She was taken away and they asked me to wait outside while they did their jobs.

I paced the floor in front of the door the nurse had closed in my face. I jabbed my fingers into my hair while I waited on news about Bella.

Charlie and Jake were helping with the search for Sam. When my phone rang, and I saw that it was Charlie my heart jumped to my throat and I silently prayed that they had found Sam.

"Tell me you have found the fucker," I answered.

"Edward, I don't know how to say this…" Charlie sighed.

"Just spit it out, Charlie." I demanded.

"Emmett found Sam-"

"Thank goodness," I interrupted him.

"Sam shot Emmett-"

"No," I whispered as I felt the blood drain my face. I staggered backwards until I fell against the wall and slowly slid down, jabbing my fingers into my hair.

"Emmett's on his way to the hospital." Charlie explained.

"Where is Sam?" I asked murderously. This man had done enough to my family.

"After he shot Emmett, he committed suicide," Charlie explained.

"Fucking coward!" I hissed.

"I'm on my way to the hospital too. Emmett should be there right about now," he said, out of breath. I could hear him walking while he was talking to me.

I was torn in two as I stood in front of the door where Bella had disappeared into almost an hour ago. I wanted to be here when they brought her out, but at the same time I wanted to be at the entrance when they brought my brother in. They would probably be busy with Bella for a couple more hours and I only wanted to see Emmett before they took him to surgery or wherever the fuck they would take him.

I ran down the hallways of the hospital until I was at the entrance. I asked the nurse on duty of they had brought my brother in and she was shocked to have heard that Doctor Cullen was shot. She promised me that he wasn't admitted yet.

It was five minutes later when a gurney was pushed into the hospital with my big brother lying on it. I ran to his side. He was still awake, but very pale with black markings under his eyes. He was sweating profusely as if he just had a gym session.

"Hey," he whispered with a smile.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Em? You could have been killed," I started crying.

"He was a bad shot…" he sighed. "Don't cry, little bro, I'm fine. Well, I will be once they take this bullet out of my arm," he said with a smile but I could hear the strain in his voice, which told me that he was in a lot of pain.

"Em-"

"Don't say it, Edward. I'm not going to die," he interrupted me. "Please call Rosie for me and explain what happened?" he asked me.

"I'll do that. I have to get back to Bella-"

"Then what are you waiting for? Go!" he said. I grabbed his hair softly and kissed his forehead, "I love you, Em," I said quickly before he could interrupt me again.

I heard him chuckle as I walked away. "I love you too, little bro," he yelled back. A smile cracked on my face as I walked back to Bella.

My heart started racing in fear when the door was left open. I panicked like never before. I asked one of the nurses where they had taken Bella and she asked me to follow her. She showed me to a room where Bella lay very still. I silently thanked the nurse and quickly joined Bella's side.

She was lying so still and her breathing was slow and soft.

"We've given her something to calm her down," I heard a voice behind me say.

"We're still waiting for the results from her blood work, but she was pretty drugged up." The nurse explained further. "Once we know what she was given, we'll probably use detoxification methods to get the drugs out of her system with minimal withdrawals," she said.

"Thanks," I said softly. I never took my eyes off of Bella and only nodded while the nurse talked to me. I was never so scared in all of my life; the thought of losing Bella was enough to cripple me with pain. I would never leave her side again. I was going to move into the house and install the best damn security system. My kids and my Bella were everything to me and I wouldn't be able to live without either one of them. I needed my family like I needed air to breathe.

"I love you, Bella. I'll be here when you wake up," I whispered before I placed a kiss on her hand. I leaned forward and laid my head next to her hand where I closed my eyes for a second. I was tired, though, and soon fell into a deep sleep where I dreamt of Bella in a wedding dress; dancing, laughing, twirling and kissing…me!

oOoOoOoOoO

I know this is late…very late. I was extremely busy with moving into a new house. I'm really sorry for the delay.

I'm not a doctor or anything; everything used in this chapter was searched on the net, but basically no one can give you a straight answer. I had a drug-addict boyfriend, though, and remember a few things he used to tell me. This was years ago and my memory of those times are not very clear. I do remember him telling me that heroin was the most addictive drug – at the time – and was the hardest to kick. He used heroin for four days before he was addicted and started having withdrawals. I kinda used his story because I can't get straight answers on the net. If anyone can give me advice on this please PM me.


	26. Chapter Twenty Five - Reunions

Stephenie Meyer owns it all!

A huge thank you to my lovely beta Browneyedgirl825 who edits a chapter in lightning speed. Thank you for your help, you are a true angel!

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter and welcome to the new readers and reviewers. You inspire me to keep writing...

OoOoOoOoO

Chapter 25 - Reunions

EPOV

I woke up from her stirring fingers inside my hand. I raised my head slowly, but Bella's eyes were still closed. I looked at the time and saw that it was almost three o clock in the morning. I yawned and stretched before I placed a soft kiss on her hand.

"Edward," she whispered groggily and with her eyes still closed.

"Yes, love, I'm here." I leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"Water," she said hoarsely. I grabbed the glass next to her bed and held the straw against her lips. She took a few sips before she pulled away. Her eyes fluttered opened and tears filled them instantly.

"Shhh, don't cry." I pleaded. I lay down next to her and pulled her into my arms. "Everything is fine now, love. I'm never letting you go again." I promised.

"I was so afraid that you'd never find me," she whispered with a trembling voice.

"I would have searched to the ends of the earth, Bella. You are my everything and I would never have given up. Never!" I said adamantly.

"I love you, Edward, so much. It was the only thing that kept me going; you and our children," she said.

The warmness of my tears made me realize that I was crying as well.

"He never touched me," she whispered.

"Shhh, love, you don't have to say anything. I love you no matter what happened-"

"I want to tell you," she interrupted me.

"Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly and she only nodded.

"I was almost permanently strapped or chained to some of his devices. He drugged me and fed me pills and I knew that if he would have touched me that I wasn't going to be able to stop him. I was high most of the time as he injected me with something almost every three hours." She cried again. I just held her closer and stroked her hair over and over again.

"That first day when he chained me to a table, I thought that this was it, but when he pulled his pants down I almost cried from relief. His manhood was all burned up and had cuts all over. He couldn't get the thing to work; apparently some girl had set him on fire and tried to cut the thing off," she said. "I also realized that if I was disobedient, he would beat me and that it had kept him mad and then he refused to touch me. He would punish me whenever I spoke when not allowed to or when I mocked him, which I did time and time again just to keep him from touching me. I would take the beatings any day over that man touching me." she shivered.

"I wanted to kill him when I saw you hanging there so lifeless. And when I saw the welts on your back…" I swallowed and clenched my jaw, "I wanted to cut him up in pieces, Bella. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt you," I said softly.

"He gagged me so that I couldn't speak and I knew that it was over. He showed me all sorts of gadgets that he was planning on using on me and I knew that I was done for. Then he told me that he was on his way to pick Abbey up…" she shook her head, "I have never been so afraid in my entire life, Edward. If he had gotten to Abbey-" she said and started crying again.

"She's safe, love, nothing will ever harm you or our children again." I kissed her head again. I started telling her how Sam knew where she lived and how Esme was a part of Sam's plan. I told her how Esme helped us to catch Sam and how Jake helped me to find her. She listened silently but I felt the wetness on my shirt and knew she was crying. She had been through so much…

"I was afraid that if Sam touched me that I would lose you forever," she spoke her real fears out loud.

"Never! I will love you no matter what, Bella. Being violated in that way isn't something you asked for and I would never blame you or break up with you. You are everything to me, Bella, everything!" I exclaimed. "You are stuck with me…" I said with a chuckle.

She raised her head and looked into my eyes. Her eyes revealed so much sadness, hurt and anger, but what made my breath catch was the amount of love that shone through. It broke through every hurt, anger and sadness. It caused her eyes to light up the way I remembered and bring out the softness that I loved so much.

"There's what I wanted to see," I said softly, brushing my lips softly over hers.

"What?" she asked.

"Your love for me, Bella." I leaned down and kissed her again, deeper this time, until we pulled away for air.

"I don't feel so good," she whispered. Her body was trembling and she was sweating profusely.

"It's the withdrawals from the drugs he gave you," I explained. I wanted to go to the morgue and kill Sam all over again.

"I don't want to use the stuff…" she said.

"Your body is still used to the stuff he gave you and even though your mind doesn't want the drugs, your body does," I explained, remembering what I had been through. My mind was the problem, though, not my body. I craved the drugs to keep myself sane from my memories of Bella. My mind literally craved the drugs…

Bella yawned and I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips. I felt bubbly and so very fucking happy that she was safe in my arms and even a yawn from her made my heart swell with happiness and love.

"Close your eyes and sleep, love," I whispered.

"I want to be with you. I can sleep later," she answered.

"I'll hold you until you wake up again. I'll never let go." I promised with a kiss on her forehead.

"In that case…" she said before a yawn escaped her lips again, "I can't say no," she said.

"I love you, Bella, so much," I said before I leaned in for a kiss. The kiss was lazy and very slow but oh so fucking erotic. "Please rest now because we have two eager children that want to see their mommy," I said.

"I can't wait to see them. Will you bring them to me when I wake up from my nap?" she asked.

"I'll ask Rosalie to bring them, Bella, because I'm not leaving your side right now," I said in earnest. I knew Sam was dead, but I had already lost Bella once and came very close to losing her again, which made me a very overprotective man.

"I love you, Edward," she whispered softly before she closed her eyes and before long I felt her steady breathing.

She fell asleep almost instantly, but I didn't mind at all. I held her in my arms – like I promised – and just feeling her breathe was heaven to me. Her heart pounded lightly against my side and with every beat my life felt fulfilled.

I came so close to losing her forever and the mere thought made me shiver. It was hard to believe that I had found her only hours ago and that she was missing for four days. It was a nightmare that I never wanted to relive again…not knowing where she was and what she was going through was enough to drive me insane.

I haven't told her about Sam yet. I had no idea why, but I figured that she already took a huge leap by opening up to me about what Sam had done to her. I had to bite my tongue the entire time and clenching my jaw to keep myself calm seemed like the best solution at the time. I wanted to kill Sam all over again.

I would tell her about Sam when she woke up…figuring that it would be a step closer to closure…to healing!

Every time Bella shivered in my arms broke my heart, knowing that she must have some flashbacks or nightmares. I stroked her hair lightly and tightened my arms around her until I felt her calm down and breathe evenly again.

I wanted to mention a psychiatrist but decided to wait until she was out of hospital. It was good for Tristan and Abbey and I think it might be good for Bella since she had been through so much shit. Plus, the fact that she never dealt with her rape six years ago was also a stumbling block in her life. She needed to get help to free herself from Sam's chains. She needed to break free from him because it was the only way she would truly be healed.

I sighed.

I missed my children. I missed eating dinner with them around Emmett's massive dining table. I missed the small-talk we'd have after dinner. I missed giving them a goodnight kiss.

They missed Bella very much and would ask me every night where she was and if she was okay. Tristan never believed me when I told him that Bella was fine and that I would find her. He wasn't as innocent as Abbey was and knew his mom was in trouble. He kept saying that he could hear the evil in Sam's voice and that he knew Sam was hurting his mom. I had no idea what to say to him except to promise him that I would find Bella and bring her back home.

I have seen a totally different side of my son with Bella's kidnapping. I saw a vulnerable side; the side he so desperately tried to hide because he believed that he was ten years old and not a baby. He tried to act all grown up, but with Bella's kidnapping he showed me that he was still a little boy – my little boy – who needed comfort and so much love.

Abbey was a completely different story. She was clingy and refused to let me go anywhere without her. I even had a hard time going to the bathroom.

Where Tristan withdrawn himself at times, Abbey wanted undivided attention and comfort. Tristan broke down every night when I tucked him in and I had to spend almost two hours in his room to comfort him. He tried to act brave in front of my family – even though he failed miserably – and broke down when it was just me and him.

I felt so much closer to Tristan in those times and the bond we shared became even stronger. I could say, in all honesty, that I finally have a real father-son bond with my son. We've been through a lot together and in such a short time of knowing each other that it made our bond stronger; unbreakable.

"What has you thinking so deep?" she asked groggily, bringing me out of my reverie about my children.

"Tristan and Abbey," I answered before I kissed her lips. They tasted like medicine and were chapped and dry. I miss her sweet lips that always felt like satin.

Her sigh broke my heart.

"How are they doing?" she asked in a trembling voice.

"They've been better," I told her the truth. "They've been seeing a psychiatrist and she's been helping them a lot. Abbey is already doing better…" my words faded because I didn't want to upset Bella.

"Tristan is struggling?" she asked but it sounded more like a statement.

"He's been having a really difficult time to come to terms with what happened to you. He keeps to himself and breaks down at night when I tuck him in. He really misses you, Bella…we all missed you," I said.

"I hate Sam. I hate him for ruining my life and for causing my children pain." She cried. "I have never hated someone more than I hate that man, Edward. The mere thought that he was planning on kidnapping Abbey-" she shook her head and shivered in my arms.

"I wouldn't have let that happen, love." I swore.

"Where is Sam?" she asked.

"Well, they caught him but he managed to escape-"

"No," she interrupted me. I tightened my arms around her and kissed her head.

"Emmett went after him and Emmett almost had him before he shot Emmett-"

"Is Emmett alright? No, please tell me Emmett wasn't hurt?" she interrupted me again and started crying.

"Shh, love," I whispered. "He is fine, Bella, but Sam committed suicide. He is dead and will never hurt you again," I said.

Her sobs racked through her chest and she started crying uncontrollably. The excruciating pain from her cries sent me over the edge and I started sobbing with her. Her fist clenched around the material of my shirt and she pulled her legs up to her torso while I gently cradled her shaken body.

"I can't believe it's finally over," she sobbed.

"It's over, love. You and Abbey are safe from that monster," I said while tears streamed down my cheeks.

Bella cried her heart out on my chest and after a while her body relaxed in my arms. I raised her chin with my forefinger and looked deeply into her eyes. They were swollen and red from the crying but she still had the most beautiful eyes in this world. Her eyelashes were wet and a few teardrops still lingered on them just waiting for more to follow so they could escape the tiny hairs and roll down her cheeks, but the tears never came and soon the lingering teardrops disappeared and her eyelashes dried.

"Kiss me, Edward," she said with a pleading voice.

I slowly leaned in and brushed my lips ever so softly over hers. The content sigh encouraged me to deepen the kiss, so I graced my tongue across her bottom lip before I gently sucked the fullness into my mouth and nibbled softly on it. Her hand slid up my shoulders, around my neck and into my hair until her fingers locked in my hair. I worshipped her lips until the tip of my tongue touched her top lip, begging for entrance. She opened her mouth and my tongue slipped into the warmness, finding her tongue and slowly swirling it around hers.

Our kiss was sensual and even though it was slow it was the most passionate kiss I've ever experienced with Bella. The love we had for each other bubbled to the surface and consumed us in ways that I never thought was even possible. With every lick and nip and brush I felt her love for me and pushed me to express myself even more. So many emotions were in our kiss; love, joy, fear, passion, hope and relief for being in each other's arms again.

Life wasn't able to push us down or break us apart. We were stronger than ever; stronger than ten years ago, stronger than two months ago and even stronger than a week ago. We knew what it felt like to live without each other and we knew how hard we had to fight to be together. We knew what it felt like when the person you love most in the world was kidnapped and almost killed. But, we were still here and we were still together. Our love would never die and we would take anything this cruel fucking life swings our way. Together we would be able to do anything and everything.

"I want you so much," she said out of breath.

"I want you so much, too," I said back, leaning my forehead against hers.

Suddenly the door swung open and Rosalie jumped into the room, "Surprise!" she yelled.

Bella started crying when she saw Rose and Rose quickly made her way to the hospital bed to hug her friend. I unwillingly let go of Bella and climbed off of the bed.

"Are you okay? How are you holding up?" Rose asked Bella through tears.

"Except for the withdrawals, I'm doing okay. I just want to go home," she answered.

"I brought you something that might cheer you up," Rose said with a smile. Bella's entire face lit up and the sparkle in her eyes doubled.

Rose turned around and left the room only to return a second later with Tristan and Abbey.

"Mommy," they yelled together and ran towards her bed. Bella sat up and held her arms out for our children. I chuckled when Abbey attempted to jump onto the bed and failed miserably. I helped her onto the bed where she joined Tristan in Bella's arms. Tears flowed down Bella's cheeks and I noticed how Tristan was crying as well. My chest constricted at the sight in front of me…it was such a beautiful reunion.

"I missed you guys so much," Bella said. "My babies," she cried, kissing them on their heads.

"I'll let that one slip this time, Mom," Tristan said while wiping tears from his face. Bella chuckled and the most beautiful smile broke across Tristan's face.

"Did that man hurt you, Mommy?" Abbey asked softly.

"No, baby, daddy found me before he could hurt me." Bella cried.

"Why are your face full of bruises then?" she asked.

"I've fallen down a couple of times," Bella lied without blushing.

I understood why she felt the need to lie, but maybe it wasn't the best idea. Abbey was stronger than Bella thought and I think that deep down she knew Bella lied.

Tristan knew she was lying as he cocked an eyebrow at her and pierced his lips. She only shook her head sideways before she pulled them in for another hug.

Abbey raised her head and looked directly at me.

"Daddy, I missed you last night," Abbey said with a pout. Rose and Bella chuckled.

"Well, Princess, I'm sorry about that. I missed you too, but as you can see, mommy really needed me too," I said back copying her pout, but by the giggling of Rose, Bella and even my son, I knew I failed miserably.

Abbey jumped from the bed onto my lap and hugged me fiercely before she placed a wet kiss on my cheek.

"'Tis okay, daddy, I'm happy that you were here for mommy. Besides, Trissie helped Rosie to tuck me in and he even read me a bedtime story," she chattered nonstop. "Tonight, though, I want my daddy," she added with a huge grin before she looked at me with those puppy eyes and pouting nonstop.

I chuckled. But the thought of leaving Bella alone crippled me, so I looked at Bella and then back at my beautiful daughter and back at Bella. She saw what I struggled with and gave me a warm smile.

"Daddy will be home to tuck you in, sweetie, I promise," Bella answered for me and though it saddened me that I would not be with Bella tonight, I was sure as hell happy that Bella made the decision for me and that I didn't have to choose myself.

Abbey clapped her hands and giggled before she hugged me again.

"Dad, can we play some Xbox tonight?" Tristan asked.

"Yeah, Tris, that would be awesome," I answered in excitement because ever since Bella was kidnapped he wanted to do nothing but sit around. He wanted to do something with me tonight and it filled my heart with so much joy. I had hope that we were going to get past this ordeal. We would do it as a family; together.

Rosie excused herself because she wanted to get to Emmett. I told her that I would go to him before I left the hospital.

Bella started her detoxification and had to stay in hospital for four days. Four fucking days. It was the same amount of days she had been missing, but this time was different because I knew exactly where she was and that the bastard who did this to her was dead and would never hurt her again.

Charlie was the next visitor and it was just as emotional as the reunion with Rose, Abbey and Tristan. Bella clung to her father as if her life depended on it and I felt the tears prick my eyes.

"Where were you?" Bella asked Charlie.

"I had a lot of paperwork to file and I had to give statements _and _take them, Bells. Plus, I had to make sure..." He looked at Abbey and Tristan playing on the floor before he added in a whisper; "that bastard is dead." He hissed through clenched teeth.

"I'm so relieved that he is dead, Dad," she said with a shiver.

"You and me both, sweetie," he said.

Charlie looked at me and smiled widely before he winked.

"When are you going to do the honourable thing and marry my daughter, Edward?" He asked. Bella punched him in his gut, "Dad!" She exclaimed.

I knew he was joking, though, and I only chuckled.

"I don't know, Charlie, as soon as your beautiful daughter is ready," I said.

"Pfft, I was ready ten years ago, Cullen. I would marry you right now-"

"Really? Are you serious? Bella, please be serious..." I pleaded like a dork. "Don't make jokes with me now, please," I continued my pleading.

Bella smiled through a wave of tears and Charlie only grinned.

"Edward, nothing would make me happier than to marry you right now, but I don't want to marry the love of my existence lying in a hospital bed with needles and tubes stuck to me," she said.

"I understand, besides I want to dance with you as my wife..." I said and raised my eyebrows. "Give me a date, Bella," I said.

"What?" She asked astounded.

"I want us to set a date right now, so give me a date," I smiled.

"How about early in the new year?" She asked.

I shook my head, "Nope," I popped the p. "Sooner," I said, "before Christmas..."I added.

Her eyes widened and her mouth opened and closed. I leaned in and kissed her because she had looked so damn cute.

"Christmas is in two weeks, Edward," she explained.

"What happened to 'I'll marry you today if I can'?" I said in her voice causing everyone in the room to erupt in laughter.

"Next week Saturday then?" She asked, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth and nibbling on it.

I smiled. I pulled her bottom lip from her mouth with my thumb and index finger before I kissed her softly.

"Next week Saturday will be perfect and I can't wait," I said.

"Yeah, mommy and daddy are getting married," Abbey clapped her hands and twirled around and around. "Mommy, can I wear a princess dress?" She asked.

We laughed again before I crouched down in front of Abbey and picked her up, "You can wear whatever you want; you can even wear your pyjamas," I whispered, knowing how much she loved her PJ's, and she gave me the most adorable smile.

"Thanks, daddy, but a princess dress will do just fine," she said with sparkling eyes.

"I don't care what I wear, I'm just so happy that my mom and dad are finally getting married," Tristan said with a crooked grin, the same grin Bella always said she loved about me, and that it turned her heart to mush and made her knees weak.

"Charlie, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked. He nodded and left the room. I kissed Bella's forehead and chuckled, "Don't worry, love, we won't kill each other," I said with a smile before I left the room.

"I didn't mean for it to happen this way. I mean, I wanted to ask for your blessing, Charlie, but you kind of jumped the gun in there," I said nervously.

"Son, I just gave you my blessing. I know you love her more than anything in this world and I know that you will take care of her..." He said with a grin. "Well you'd better because I have a gun and I will hunt your ass down if you don't," he added seriously.

"Strangely I believe you," I chuckled. "I'll never hurt her again, Charlie, I love her more than my own life," I said.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed a bit.

"I believe you. Seeing how much my grandchildren love you and how much Bella loves you, makes me believe in you, Edward. Just don't fuck it up..." He said with a cocked eyebrow.

I laughed out loud. "I won't, and Charlie, thank you for your blessing and for believing in me," I said.

I couldn't believe how close Charlie and I had become over the last couple of days. I have the same respect for him as I did when I was growing up. He was like a second father to me and now that I have forgiven him for keeping Bella and me apart, I've grown to love him again just like I did when I was a kid.

Charlie suggested he take Tristan and Abbey home where I'll join them in a couple of hours.

"Does this mean you will move in with us, dad?" Tristan asked.

"Yes, definitely. I'll need your help, though," I said.

He made a fist-pump in the air, "I'll do anything to help." He smiled. He wrapped his arms around my middle and hugged me tightly. He was going to be tall, I thought to myself.

"Sooooo..." Bella stretched out the word, "you and Charlie, hey?" She asked when Charlie left with our children.

I laughed.

"Me and Charlie? What's that supposed to mean?" I asked while laughing.

"You're talking and being civil towards one another," she said.

I looked deeply into her eyes, cupping her cheeks and let out a deep sigh.

"Bella, four days ago we thought we lost you forever, and then when I found you, we thought that we already lost you." I swallowed the tears away. "That's bound to bring even the worst enemies together. I mean, even Jake and I had come to some sort of friendship," I said while I wiped the tears from her eyes. "Don't cry," I pleaded with a hoarse throat.

"I can't begin to imagine what you were going through," she whispered, fumbling with the blankets. I noticed how her fingers were trembling and that she seemed on edge.

"I'm fine now, love, but tell me something," I said, raking my free hand through my hair "How are you holding up?" I asked.

She looked away from me and swallowed.

"I'm...I don't know, I'm on edge and the only thing I can think of is to find something to stop the withdrawals, but I'm not a drug addict and I don't want to become one. You and our children are the one thing that keeps me from finding something to help with the withdrawals. It's just so hard, Edward, and I feel like giving up," she said through sobs.

"Shhh," I cooed and pulled her into my arms. "I'll help you, love, I've been through the same thing and I know what you are feeling and how hard it is," I said.

"It's only going to get worse, isn't it?" She asked. Her entire body was shaking.

"I won't lie to you, Bella; it's going to get harder. It's your first day without the drugs and by the third day you'll feel like dying, but the detoxification helps a lot and I'll be here every step of the way," I answered. "You're going to hate me and may even say mean things, but I forgive you, love, and I won't leave your side, I promise," I vowed.

"I'm c-c-c-old," her teeth clattered together.

"I wanted to talk to you about Abbey and Tristan..." She said and looked at me with fearful eyes. "I don't want them to see me like this and think that it will be better if they don't come back for a couple of days...at least until the worst is over," she continued.

"I agree, but it's going to be hard to keep them away," I said. "We'll work on something," I added with a kiss on her forehead. Her forehead was covered in sweat-drops even though she complained she was cold.

I wished that I could take away this burden. I wished that I could fast forward to next week where Bella would be through the worst of the withdrawals.

The doctor came to see me while Bella was sleeping and told me that Sam had given Bella heroin and that it was a miracle that she hadn't OD'd. I thought that Sam knew exactly what he was doing by shooting her up with heroin. He knew exactly how much to give her so that she wouldn't OD. He wanted her to get addicted so she wouldn't leave and she would stay with him to get more drugs. I've heard so many stories how pimps especially, would turn their prostitutes into addicts to make them dependant.

No, Sam knew exactly what he was doing and for him to do this to Bella within four days made him a fucking expert.

A chill ran down my spine at the thought of Bella being in his hands for more than four days. What would have happened if we weren't able to find her?

Four days worth of heroin was easy to kick, but by Bella's withdrawals I would say that she was already dependant on heroin.

Why were there such vile monsters in this world? Why did they have to exist? They only caused pain in people's lives and have no purpose on this planet.

Bella had fallen asleep again and my heart soared at the sight of my sleeping angel. How had I lived ten years without her? How could I have gotten through one night without her?

Hell! I was living in hell that's for sure.

No more! We would be together forever now and no one would ever come between us again. I would guard Bella with my very life...

oOoOoOoOoOoO

Review, review, review.

The next chapter is written and I'm emailing it to my beta later today or tomorrow.

Sadly, this story is coming to an end, I'm not sure but maybe 6 or 7 more chapters ;) there's still one plot unfinished and its coming sooooon...


	27. Chapter Twenty Six - Coping With Life!

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all!**

**Thanks to my lovely beta Browneyedgirl825...she is truly amazing! **

**oOoOoOoOoOoO**

**Chapter 26 – Coping with life!**

**BPOV**

I was finally able to leave the hospital after spending a week – seven fucking days – in that place. To say that it was not easy would be a big understatement. I literally went through hell!

The second day after Edward found me was worse than the first day. But by the fourth day, I wanted to die. I actually felt like dying and Edward kept encouraging me every step of the way. The doctor said that I only had minor withdrawals because I only used the heroin for four days and that I was lucky. To be honest, I didn't feel so lucky at the time.

I hated Sam even more and wished that I could have killed him myself.

I have done some research on the internet about Opiates and heroin, and couldn't believe what I read. For some people, it took five months to become full blown addicts while others became addicts within five days of usage. It all depended on how frequently they used, how much they used and almost everybody said that it depended on the kind of personality you had.

Now, I have never seen myself as an addictive person, but that was why I've never really done anything to test myself. I take a few glasses of wine every now and then and that was basically all I did that was categorized as 'bad'. I never smoked or used drugs when we were teenagers. I never had interest in these things when we moved to LA because I believed that it was a waste of time. It was a waste of your life to use drugs and I wanted more for myself than to become a junkie.

So, from what I have read, I have a highly addictive personality and that was part of the reason why I had became addicted to the Opiates so quickly. Plus, the fact that Sam had shot me up with the shit four to five times a day wasn't helping me in any way. The fucking bastard wanted to get me addicted to the drugs so that I would become dependent on the opiates. I was astounded on how perfectly he planned out my kidnapping and everything that went along with it.

Another thing I have read is that Heroin use, blocks the brain's ability to perceive pain. Heroin abusers and addicts feel compelled to continue using the drug both because of its pain relieving effects, and because of fear of symptoms they may experience if they stop. That was probably why my levels of pain were non-existent. That was why I mocked Sam into hitting me rather than sexually abusing me. I never felt the pain because of the heroin he gave me.

My symptoms of withdrawal were mild – thank goodness – but I couldn't help but feel pity for those who used the drug for months or years. I was determined to get over this withdrawal stage because I had no desire in me whatsoever to use drugs again. I was forced into this situation, but I sure as hell wasn't going to let it get me down and stop me from living my life with Edward and our children. I would get clean and do something with my life to help others that went through the same thing I had.

I had a strong desire to help other girls or women that went through abuse; whether it was drug abuse, sexual violations or physical abuse. I wanted to help young girls, especially, because I have read that thousands of heroin addicts were young girls selling their bodies either for cash or for drugs. It sickened me that there were so many young girls on the streets that believed that selling their bodies was their only way out.

This was my destiny! I truly believed that what had happened to me happened for a reason and _that_ reason was for me to help other girls that went through the same thing. I became a strong believer while I struggled through life after I had left Edward, especially after Sam had raped me and then of course, after he drugged me.

The second day after I was rescued I started sweating profusely and vomited a little. I also almost shit my brains out. I started having stomach cramps to such an extreme that I literally curled my body into a fetal position and cried the entire time.

By the third day my nose was running, my eyes were watery and my entire body ached. Every muscle, joint and bone was so sore that I thought I was going to die.

By the fourth day the diarrhea subsided because I wasn't able to eat anything. My entire body was shaking violently and I was very irritable – still was. I also felt a sense of hopelessness and also refused to see Edward, but he stood by his promise and refused to leave my side even after I yelled some pretty awful things and called him names. I even brought up ten years ago and blamed him for Sam raping me. Even through my withdrawal stage I could see how my words had hurt him and felt remorseful, but I was in so much pain at the time, that my brain could only focus on one thing; pain.

The worst thing I had felt was when my skin crawled. It had felt like millions of bugs crawled under my skin. It almost drove me to insanity. But after the fourth day my withdrawals had subsided and I was able to sleep again. I have read that some heroin addicts' withdrawals included insomnia and even after the withdrawal stage; they would still have trouble with this. I guess that my situation was different as I only used heroin for four days. I had no idea why or how, but I was thankful that my withdrawals weren't as bad as some of the stuff I have read online.

The doctor decided to keep me for another three days to check on me and make sure I was okay. Edward came every day but he was distant and the sadness in his eyes haunted me every night in my dreams.

I knew it was because of what I had said while going through withdrawals, but I couldn't bring the subject up and apologize.

Our wedding was also delayed by a week since I was in hospital for so long. We were getting married in six days – four days before Christmas – and honestly, I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be. Maybe it was because of the huge gap that existed between Edward and me. Maybe it was because of what had happened to me a week ago and that I feared that I wouldn't be able to handle everything. I had no idea, but I was scared out of my mind.

What if I would get flashbacks? Would I take them out on Edward or my children? Would I be able to make love to Edward? Even though Sam wasn't able to rape me again he violated me in some ways and he had raped me before. What if it would cause a setback in my recovery road I have designed for myself?

I searched for a psychiatrist that specialized in these types of things and booked myself an appointment for first thing Monday morning. I haven't told Edward about my plans because I wanted to wait until we were at home. Plus, I wanted to fix what I said first.

Alice was driving me insane with all the wedding plans. I had given her free reign to do whatever she wanted but I wanted to pick out my own dress and Abbey's dress.

I was packed and ready to go, waiting for Edward to come get me. I already signed my release forms and promised the good doctor that I would take really good care of myself. Now I was sitting on my hospital bed, waiting for Edward.

The door opened and I was fucking surprised to have seen Esme walk through. I swallowed hard because a mixture of emotions filled my heart. This was the woman whom led Sam to me and my children. This was the woman whom never liked me when I was a child and she had always treated Edward like shit. Still, she was Edward's mother and that fact alone made me not hating her.

"Bella," she said nervously. "Can I talk to you for a second?" she asked.

"Urm…sure, I guess." I shrugged.

"I know I'm probably the last person on earth that you want to see," she said while walking towards me, "But, I wanted to apologize and I wanted to explain to you that I had no idea what kind of man Sam was. I didn't even know that he knew you, Bella." she cried.

"Emse, I believe you," I said sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, for everything you went through. I had no idea…" she cried.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure," she nodded.

"Why don't you love your children?" I asked bluntly because it was something that bothered me since I was a kid. Edward and his siblings only received real love from their father. Esme's love was gifts and physical things.

"Carlisle was my world," she started saying, "We were married at a very young age while Carlisle was in medical school. We hardly saw each other and then I found out that I was pregnant a few months after I married Carlisle. It was too soon and I actually never wanted children. After Emmett's birth I suffered from depression and wanted nothing to do with Emmett; he had colic and cried day and night," she said, wiping tears from her face.

"But it wasn't Emmett's fault," I said softly.

"I know, dear, but I was all alone. Carlisle was never around and I had a screaming baby to deal with. I hated it and swore that I never wanted children again," she continued on as if that explained why she never loved her children.

"But then Alice and Edward were born," I said to help her finish the story.

She nodded sadly, "Yes, I found out four years later that I was pregnant again, with twins this time. I was furious and scared. I couldn't handle Emmett let alone twins. Things between Carlisle and myself weren't the same and we hardly spoke to each other. He came home late and left early the next morning…we weren't able to get close again and my depression had gotten worse. Edward and Alice were perfect, though, and I had nothing to fear about, but I still had to do everything by myself. Twins isn't as easy as it sounds, Bella, and I hardly slept one hour at a time," she said.

"I've grown into a cold and bitter woman. I had my whole life in front of me when I married Carlisle but reality hit me so hard and knocked me to the ground. Life wasn't simple and I had learned that the hard way. By the time that I had overcome the depression, it was too late to save my marriage and it was too late to build a relationship with my children. They adored their father while they only tolerated me. And after the divorce I tried to be a good mother but the damage was already done, my children hated me," she said while tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

"Esme, they never hated you. I remember how Edward told me that he wished he had a relationship with you. It was one thing he longed for, Esme. And Alice, she needed a mother. She was a girl and needed a mother's guidance, but like me, she had to figure things out for herself. You always criticized them – that's probably why they are so perfect today – because they wanted your acceptance in every way. But you were too perfect and wanted the impossible from little kids," I accused her.

"I have no idea how to fix it," she said in earnest.

"Talk to them, Esme, begin by apologizing to them and ask them if it's too late to be a part of their lives. Carlisle is dying and they'll need a parent…"

"I'm not the parent they want. I should be the one dying," she interrupted me.

"Maybe there's a reason for everything that's happening now. You should try, Esme, even if they deny you, you shouldn't give up. Fight for them, Esme, fight for your children," I said.

"Thank you, Bella." she cried.

"There's one more thing," I said.

"Go on," she encouraged.

"You should make peace with Carlisle, Esme, that man loves you and he is dying. You should be there for him and support him. He deserves that much," I said seriously.

Esme started crying uncontrollably and it was like a dam had burst.

"I love him so much, Bella," she said through sobs. "I don't know how to fix my relationship with Carlisle and to be honest, I'm scared to death of losing him," she continued.

"Esme," I said and clasped her hands, "Sadly, he is going to die and it's going to break all of our hearts to lose Carlisle. But, we have to be there for him and make his last days the happiest of his life. We wouldn't be able to do that without you, Esme, because Carlisle's one wish was that you would come back to him," I said.

Her eyes widened, "Really?" she asked.

I nodded, "Yes, really. Didn't he tell you?" I asked.

"No," she shook her head. "He only said that he was dying and that he wanted to see me again," she said. "Edward told me that his dying wish was to see me…"

"I know for a fact that Carlisle wants you back, Esme. Go to him and talk to him. Make him the happiest man alive, Esme, because heaven knows he deserves it." I hugged her tightly and felt so good on the inside while I held her in my arms.

"I forgive you, Esme, for everything you have done, especially to Edward. You have to forgive yourself and go to your children and Carlisle. Just be happy for once. Be the compassionate woman Carlisle has told us so much about," I smiled.

"I've always loved you, Bella, I just had a shitty way of showing it. You were like a daughter to me," she said.

"I never felt the same, Esme, but if you're willing, I'll be happy to be your daughter now. I know there's a sweet, loving woman inside of you and the best way to bring her out is with love and forgiveness. You just have to love and forgive." I smiled.

"Thank you, Bella. Edward is so lucky to have you in his life," she said. "You are perfect for him,"

"I'm the lucky one, believe me." I chuckled.

Esme left my room and I could have sworn that there was a light in her eyes that I've never seen before. I hoped and prayed that Edward would forgive his mother and at least try to have a relationship with her. Alice and Emmett were the easy ones, but Edward was as stubborn as a mule. I would talk to him, but only after Esme had.

I looked down at my empty left hand. My ring was still missing and it caused the hole in my heart to increase. Edward and I had been through so much already and now I'd caused another crack in our relationship.

The door opening made me raise my head in anticipation. I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heartbeat sped up at the thought of Edward walking through that door. My heart dropped to my feet when Alice's head peeked around the door.

"Good, you are ready," Alice chimed in her bell-like voice.

"Where's Edward?" I asked in irritation.

"He asked me to pick you up, Bella. He had something to take care of," she answered flatly.

"Could this something be more important than me?" I asked snidely.

Alice huffed and breathed deeply before she attempted to smile.

"Nothing is more important to Edward than you, Bella, you should know this by now," she said with a smile.

I knew this. Plus, Edward had proven himself on more than one occasion. I had no idea why I had so many insecurities all of a sudden, but I had a desperate need to speak to Edward about this. I needed to apologize to him and tell him how I felt.

"Can we go?" I asked, grabbing my bag as I left the room.

"Bella, wait!" Alice yelled, but I ignored her and kept walking. I wanted to get to Edward and fix our relationship. I hated the way we were with each other after everything I had said to him. I wanted to fix it and I wanted to fix it now.

Energetic Alice had to sprint on her short legs and pregnant belly to keep up with my determined walk. She hadn't said anything on the drive to our home but I saw the sideways glances she had given me every few seconds.

"I have some wedding books to show you," she said after ten minutes of silence.

"I really don't care, Alice, I just want to marry the love of my life. I don't care how we do it as long as I'm marrying him," I answered softly before I looked at her, "If it was up to me, I'd marry him on a fucking street corner wearing rags," I teased, but deep inside I felt that it was the truth.

Alice's giggles filled the car.

"Oh, silly Bella, you know I won't let that happen," she said through a fit of giggles.

I huffed and turned my head to look out of my window again. I knew she was right. I wanted to get married as soon as possible and I didn't care for fancy churches and venues or thousands of dollars' worth wedding dress. I just wanted to marry Edward and be with him forever.

I frowned when I saw that Alice drove to my house and not Emmett's. I was also a little pissed that they released Emmett - who was shot - and I had to stay in that hospital. Emmett's injuries weren't as bad as everyone had thought and he'd be fine in no time at all. I was the druggy in the family now and that scored me some major time in hospital.

Thank goodness I wasn't shipped off to rehab. The doctor explained to Edward that it would be wise for me to go to rehab but Edward refused. He believed in me and believed that I would get clean with just the help of the hospital and himself.

He believed in me and I treated him like shit. Why did I have to be such a bitch? Why couldn't I just be fucking normal?

"Why are we here?" I asked Alice when she pulled into the driveway.

"Edward wanted me to bring you here," she shrugged, "I don't know, Bella, maybe to see if you'll be able to live here again," she continued.

"And if I can't?" I asked in a whisper, closing my eyes as flashes of Sam entered my mind.

"He'll buy you a new house," she simply answered.

I started laughing hard before it turned into hysterics and I started sobbing. I hated my moods. I honestly felt like a pregnant teenager.

"Oh, shit, Bella, please don't cry," she said. "Edward will kill me if he knew you were crying," she said nervously.

"I just...I love him so much...I'm scared of losing him," I cried, unable to say a complete sentence.

"Silly, Bella, you will never lose Edward. He loves you so much and he will do anything for you, Bella, anything!" She said to comfort me.

She pulled me in for a hug and I willingly fell into her arms. Her belly poked me but at that moment it was the most comforting hug I've had in a while. I missed Edward's arms though.

"Let's get this over with," I said, wiping the tears from my face.

As I walked to the front door, I remembered myself struggling down the same path as Sam dragged me along. The fear I had felt was indescribable and I remembered how I thought that I never would see Edward again.

My hand rested on the huge golden doorknob and my body started shaking as I turned the knob.

"Welcome home, Bella!" Everyone yelled as I entered the house.

I gasped when I saw my family and friends in front of me. Abbey ran towards me with a gift in her hand while Tristan walked towards me with a bouquet of flowers.

Tears pooled in my eyes before they flowed over the brims and down my cheeks.

"Welcome home, Mommy," Abbey said with a smile and handed me the gift. It was a rectangular box wrapped in red paper. I crouched down before her and hugged her.

"Thanks, baby, this is the best homecoming ever!" I exclaimed while my heart was beating out of control from fear.

"Welcome home, Mom," my beautiful son said, smiling crookedly, reminding me so much of his father. It was scary how much they looked alike and how much they were alike.

"And it feels pretty good being here," I said with a smile.

"Are you feeling better, Mommy?" Abbey asked.

I trailed my fingers down her face and she giggled.

"I'm perfect, sweetie. I've missed you guys so much," I said and pulled them into my arms.

Edward came closer and my heart thumped loudly in my chest. I loved him so much.

"Welcome home, love," he said and handed me a bouquet of red roses.

I chuckled, looking at all the gifts in my hands.

"I'll put these in water," Rose said and took the flowers from my hands. I smiled dearly at my beloved friend.

Everyone welcomed me back and hugged me. I was surprised to see Jake at the party.

"Jake, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I was invited, Bells," he said before he chuckled and pulled me in for a hug.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and I sighed.

"Fine. I'm perfectly fine. I just wish that everyone would stop fussing over me," I complained.

He chuckled again. "They just care about you," he explained.

Jake and I did a little catching up but my heart missed Edward. I hadn't seen him around and wondered where he was. Was he mad that I was talking to Jake? Why hadn't he joined my side?

"Jake, I'll talk to you a little later, okay," I said.

"Sure," he smiled warmly.

I found Edward standing in front of a window, looking at the sky and it seemed he was in deep thought.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked behind him.

"Nothing in particular," he said in his velvety voice.

"Okay, see ya," I said sarcastically.

"Bella, what the hell?" he asked.

"I'm not going to play guessing games, Edward. Plus, I've been entertaining all these people while you stared out the fucking window and frankly, I'm sick and tired of this shit," I lashed out at Edward. He was so innocent but I felt suffocated, agitated and pissed. I've had enough of everyone asking me if I was okay or how I was holding up or if I needed anything. I was annoyed and irritated and took it out on Edward, again!

He rubbed his forehead and I noticed how his nostrils flared for a second.

"Can I get you something? Some water? Maybe a cup of tea?" he asked as calmly as he was capable off.

It infuriated me and I stomped my foot hard against the floor.

"Stop treating me like a fucking child, Edward. I'll get my own damn water if I want water," I yelled. Edward's face turned red and the room grew quiet. Tears welled up in my eyes and I quickly excused myself and ran to the kitchen where I poured myself a glass of water.

"What's up, Bells?" Rose asked from behind me. "You're acting like a real spoiled brat," she erupted in anger. It startled me and I almost dropped the glass of water I was holding.

"I'm just...I'm taking a breather," I sighed loudly. I plopped down on one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

"A breather? Is yelling at Edward called a breather? Is treating him like shit called a breather?" she fumed.

"Rose, I don't need this from you. I'm just…I'm nervous and afraid. I'm on edge all the time and really fucking irritated," I hissed back. "I'm just so moody…and I don't understand what's going on with me…I hate this," I started crying. Her face softened and she looked remorseful.

"Was the party a bad idea?" She asked softly, joining me at the table.

I raised my eyebrows, "Now why would you think that?" I asked in sarcasm, going from crying to being pissed again.

"Bells, I only asked you a damn question. You don't have to get all hissy about it," she spat.

"I'm sorry," I said with a sigh, playing with my fingers, "I'm just nervous and really edgy...the last thing I needed was to come home to a party," I explained.

"Edward thought that it would be good for you," she whispered.

"It was sweet of him, but also the most stupid thing he has ever done," I said with irritation. "Coming back to _this_ place, and then to find the whole family here..." I huffed, "it was just too much," I continued. I felt like a bitch and cursed these damn mood swings I've been having.

"He wanted to take some pressure off, Bells, take your mind off of things for a bit..." She answered but her voice died. As she looked past me I knew Edward was standing behind me and my heart plummeted. He heard me and now I've hurt his feelings for a second time today...

"I'll go see if Emmett needs help," Rose excused herself.

I swallowed hard while my heart raced in fear _and_ anger. I refused to turn around though, feeling too guilty.

The chair scraped across the floor as Edward pulled it from under the table. He sat down quietly and folded his hands on the table.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" He asked. Anger fuelled my veins as I've heard that question a million times today. I was pissed as hell.

"Fucking fine!" I said through clenched teeth.

His eyes narrowed and I noticed how he gritted his teeth.

"Bella," Edward started saying, but I held my hands up to stop him.

"I don't want to hear it, Edward. I'm tired and irritated and don't need this right now," I hissed.

"Fine," he said as he got up so fast that the chair fell backwards.

My eyes widened when I saw pure rage fill his entire body.

"Are you mad?" I asked.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and rested his other hand on his hip. He glared at me and I felt like shrinking and crawling in to a hole.

"No, I'm not!" He said.

"Edward," I started saying, but he held his hand up - copying me from earlier.

"I realize that I've made a stupid mistake of throwing this party in the house everything had happened to you. I apologize for that, Bella," he said. "I also apologize for being concerned about you and for being worried," he continued on.

"Edward, no," I started sobbing. I've hurt the man I love again!

"Bella, I love you more than life itself and I want to help you," he said through tears, "but I'm not your punching bag and I won't let you treat me like one," he said as tears rolled down his cheeks.

With those words he turned around and left the kitchen. My face fell into my hands and I bit down on my hand to stifle the agonizing sob that escaped.

How did a determination to apologize to Edward turn into another argument?

I'm such a bitch and didn't deserve the love Edward had for me. It would serve me right if he just packed up and left me for good. He would be better off than to deal with a rape-victim and a recovering drug-addict.

"Mom, why are you crying?" Tristan asked as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm just a bit irritated, Tris, and I took it out on your Dad," I explained honestly. He knew me and he would be able to tell if I had lied to him.

"Is that why everybody left?" He asked.

I looked at him in surprise. "They left?" I asked astounded.

"Dad asked them to leave and he asked Rosalie to stay here with us," he said sadly.

"Did Edward leave as well?" I asked.

He nodded, "Yes! He apologized because he wanted to stay here tonight, but he said that you needed rest and space," he explained with quivering lips.

"I'm sorry, Tris. I feel like such an idiot," I said.

"If it's what you need, Mom, then I will support you. I just don't like it when you and Dad fight..." He said.

"I'll fix this, I promise," I said determined.

"Thanks, Mom." He smiled crookedly, causing me to miss Edward so much more. Tristan hugged me tightly, "I love you, Mom, and I'm so glad you're back home," he whispered into my ear.

"I love you, Tris."

I went to my bedroom and froze in the doorway as images of Sam rushed through my mind. I remembered how he took my ring off and threw it on the bed, but everything was replaced in the room and I had no idea where my ring could be.

Edward had hired an interior decorator and redid the house. New furniture, new paint...everything was new! But even though everything was brand spanking new, it didn't erase the memories of that night. I saw Sam in every room I went. It had made me jittery and I found myself rubbing my hand on my shirt.

I plopped myself onto the new bed and opened my gift that Abbey had given me earlier. I gasped loudly when I pulled the white gold chain from the blue box. It had a heart locket and when I opened it I saw my beautiful children smiling back at me. This was the best gift and so close to my heart. I immediately put it on. It was a long chain and the heart almost hung between my breasts. It was perfect!

I took a quick shower and dressed in skinny jeans, an off the shoulder shirt and black boots. I grabbed my coat and asked Rose to look after my children while I dragged the man I love's ass back to our home.

I was surprised that Edward wasn't at Emmett's or Alice's house, which meant that I would only find him at one place; the beach where he went to after I rejected his love.

I drove to that beach and as I walked to that spot where I had found him months ago, I kept thinking of deja vu. How ironically it was that we kept ending up at this place whenever we went through difficulties.

He was standing in front of the big ocean with his hands tucked into his coat's pockets. My heart was in excruciating pain from the distance that formed in our relationship. And, it was my entire fault. Edward was just being his sweet and loving self while I was being an enormous bitch.

"In the hospital, before everything had gone haywire, you told me that you forgive me," I whispered and he slowly turned around to look at me, "I didn't understand at the time because I hadn't done anything...yet, but now I understand why you said those words," I said in a trembling voice. "You knew I was going to call you names and you probably knew that I would bring up the past in my withdrawal state," I sobbed, "what I don't understand is, why haven't you forgiven me if you promised beforehand that you would?" I asked hysterically.

His entire face turned into remorse as sadness spread all over.

"I _have_ forgiven you, Bella, it is just hard to get past the hurt," he answered softly.

"I'm sorry for what I said in the hospital, Edward. I never blamed you for what happened to me-"

"A part of you does, Bella, because it came out while you craved the drugs. It was buried deep down and opened up when you were at your most vulnerable," he said, swallowing hard.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"I understand. I blamed myself for Sam raping you and I can see how you would blame me too...it was just hard to hear it out loud," he said as tears flowed down his cheeks.

"I don't know what to say..." I sobbed.

He chuckled sadly before he came to stand in front of me. The warmth of his body filled me in so many ways that I felt whole, complete. His mere presence calmed me and fixed me.

"Just say that you still love me, Bella, even after everything that has happened, just say that you love me..." He cupped my cheeks and I looked deeply into his emerald green eyes, seeing his love for me floating in them.

"I love you so much, Edward Cullen, and I-"

His lips rested on mine before I could finish my sentence, and he started kissing me softly. His lips sent electric currents through my veins and brought me back to life.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he said through kisses.

"You were right, though, I have been treating you like a punching bag. Instead of appreciating your concern, love and support, I've taken all my hurt and anger out on you," I said. "Plus, I've called you an ass so many times-"

"You only had that one chance, Swan, the next time you call me an ass I will dump your sexy as hell body in the cold ocean," he chuckled.

"It's a good thing I have gotten all the ass-comments out of my system then," I teased.

"You better have, love, because I wouldn't enjoy pulling your frozen ass out of the water," he winked.

He pulled me into his arms and twirled me around and around until we fell onto the white beach sand. Half of Edward's body laid over mine. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear and looked deeply - too deep - into my eyes.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly.

"Hmmm?" He answered as his lips trailed up and down my neck.

"Where is my ring? Sam took it off and threw it on my bed the night he kidnapped me, but I can't seem to find it anywhere," I said in a breathy voice as his kisses brought my body alive.

"That's because I have it," he said, raising his head to look at me.

"You?" I asked. "Then why haven't you given it back?"

"I've been waiting for the right moment," he laughed.

"When is the right moment?" I asked with a pout.

He kissed me again, only slower this time, scorching my lips along the way. Fuck, he was an amazing kisser.

"Now," he whispered and held his body up with one arm while the other hand fiddled in his pockets. He pulled the ring from his pocket and slipped it on my finger and kissed it when it was in place.

"This will never be removed from your finger again," he swore.

"Never!" I agreed solemnly.

"Are you ready to marry me this Saturday?" He asked.

"Pfft, I'm more than ready," I smiled. "Are you ready to marry a rape victim and recovering _druggy_?" I cocked an eyebrow.

Edward pulled his face and I erupted in laughter.

"That wasn't even remotely funny, Bella!" He chastised.

"Oh, lighten up, Cullen," I smacked his shoulder with another fit of giggles.

"I've never seen you as either of those things you've described yourself as," he said softly.

My laughter died in the morning air as I looked into his beautiful eyes. I cupped his cheek and bubbled up when he leaned into my hand.

"What do you see, Edward?" I asked seriously.

"I see the woman I love, Bella. I see unbelievable beauty that leaves me breathless every time I look at you. I see kindness, compassion and hope. I see the mother of my two children _and_ future children. I see a woman who has been through so much but is still standing tall. I see a determination that leaves me speechless," he said. "But most of all, I see immeasurable love when _you_ look at _me_,"

"Oh, Edward," I sighed. "I love you, so, so much...it hurts to breathe without you near me,"

"I love you, Bella. You are my life," he smiled.

"Let's go home," I said.

"Home," he repeated with a content smile.

"Home; where Tristan and Abbey await their Daddy's return. Home, where our bed waits for us..."

"That sounds promising." He winked.

"Does that mean you're not going to keep me waiting this time?" I asked.

He helped me up and a look of seriousness crossed his face

"We can do whatever you're ready for," he answered.

"And if I'm ready to make love to my future husband?" I asked.

"Then I'll make love to you all night long," he answered. "I'm never taking one minute with you for granted." He smiled.

"Now _that_ sounds promising." I teased.

"Really?" He asked.

"What? Making love all night long…every night, sure as hell sounds promising to me," I said.

"Fuck, I love you so much," he yelled into the air.

I chuckled. He took my hand and we walked to our cars.

Everything worked out perfectly. We sorted out our shit and we're headed home where our children waited and where I knew he would make love to me later tonight. Next week I would marry him and live happily ever after.

OoOoOoOoOoO

Please review...again, I know nothing about heroin abuse or withdrawals. What I wrote is from searching online and from an old boyfriend who's been through this.

It saddens me that so many people don't review anymore, but thanks a million to those who stil reviews every chapter and still supports me and this story.

Next chapter is already written...so please review. And, no, esme is not the unfinished plot - to answer some questions!


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven - Pre-Wedding-Fun

Stephenie Meyer owns it all!

**Big, big fucking thank you to my Beta, Browneyedgirl825, for editing this chapter within an hour to get it back to you guys. She's so amazing. Plus, she said that she needed a shower after reading this hehe ;) let me know what you think...**

**OoOoOoOoO**

Chapter 27 – Pre-Wedding-Fun

EPOV

"Bella, love...you have to stop," I hissed through clenched teeth as Bella licked up and down my shaft. She teased the tip of my cock with her tongue as she swirled around and around before she sucked me in completely.

Her mouth was so hot and moist and...

"Fuck!" I yelled when she sucked a little harder. My dick was at the back of her throat, completely covered by her mouth. My hips rose as I thrust deeper into her mouth and I almost came when her teeth lightly scraped over my shaft. I was starting to feel dizzy and swore I saw stars dancing behind my closed lids.

"I'm...not...going...to...last..." I said through clenched teeth when her hand cupped my balls and massaged deeply while her mouth ran up and down my dick; her tongue made the most erotic moves on the tip of my dick.

I tapped her shoulder to warn her that I was going to cum, but she sucked in deeper and moaned around my cock which caused little vibrations around me and sent me right over the edge. I spilled my seed into her mouth and she drank everything I gave her. My body erupted as spasm after spasm overtook me. I cried out in unbelievable pleasure. Bella licked the last drops of cum from my dick and moaned loudly as if it was the sweetest nectar she was drinking.

My body was limp and unable to move as I lay there and came back from the high she had caused my body. She sat up and grinned like a fucking Cheshire cat.

"Come here, you." I pulled her down to me and captured her lips. It was a taste of sweetness mixed with a salty bitterness that I couldn't describe properly. It was both erotic and gross to taste myself on her sweet lips and it strangely turned me on.

Her tongue had the same salty bitterness taste as she graced her tongue over mine. My hands started roaming her half-naked body and already my dick was ready for round two.

Ever since we made love after she was released from hospital, we weren't able to stop. Bella was on edge the first time but I kissed her and comforted her whenever I felt her body stiffen. It almost took me four hours just to make love to her, but it was hours I would do all over again. It had brought us closer and made everything so much more intimate between us.

"Mmm, somebody's ready to play again..." Bella moaned against my mouth when my dick poked her in the stomach.

"Hell yeah," I said out of breath, claiming her lips again. I turned our bodies around and positioned myself between Bella's legs. Her silky black panties were soaking wet and my mouth started watering.

I kissed down her neck, from one shoulder to the next and trailed my tongue down to her peaks. I unclasped the bra in the front and they immediately sprung free. My body was on fire for her and I couldn't get enough. Her eyes darkened and scorched into mine before I lowered my head and kissed from the bottom of her white breast to the top. I gently massaged the other breast while my tongue roamed the other. The pink delicateness of her nipples was inviting and I slowly licked over the nipple. It erected instantly and I sucked the sweetness of the nipple into my mouth, nipping and sucking. Her back arched, pushing her breast deeper into my mouth. Her moans spurred me on and I gently bit the nipple between my teeth causing her body to writhe beneath me.

I made sure I gave the other breast the same amount of attention before I trailed further down. Her flesh erupted in goose bumps when I kissed her flesh. I dipped my tongue into her navel while my hands still massaged her breasts. The sounds coming from Bella drove me insane and I couldn't wait to bury myself deep inside of her. The mere thought of her wet tightness surrounding my dick almost made me cum right then and there.

I hooked my fingers into the waistband of her panties and she raised her hips. I slowly slipped the panties from her body all the way down her legs, kissing every inch of flesh that the panties had touched. After I pulled the black piece of material from her petite feet, I kissed them. My tongue started its journey back to the Promised Land and as I got closer, I could smell her arousal for me.

She was spread open in front of me and I had to swallow the excessive saliva in my mouth. Her center was soaked and drops of arousal glistened on her slit, inviting me to dig in and taste. I licked my lips slowly, leaning forward and took a deep whiff of Bella.

"Heaven," I whispered causing her body to shiver.

My fingers tingled with excitement to feel her and to make her cum. My mouth watered just seeing the droplets of arousal escaping her center and my body was on scorching fire from knowing what would come after I'd given her an orgasm.

Her legs shook when my head lowered between her legs. She was bare and made everything so much more enticing. My tongue flicked out and teased her clit...

"Ung," she said, raising her hips slightly. My hands searched for her hips and pinned them down, holding her in perfect position. I licked again, only this time, I licked from her opening all the way up to her swollen nub. Fuck, she tasted good.

My mouth was getting eager for more so I sucked her nub into my mouth and nipped a little before I sucked a little harder. Her legs were shaking and she desperately tried to raise his hips, but I held them down firmly.

I could feel her walls crumbling so I trailed lower and dipped my tongue deeply into her hot and moist pussy. Her juices were sweet mixed with bitterness and salt. My teeth scraped her lips as I tried to go deeper and deeper. I could feel her writhing and shaking body underneath my hands holding her down, but I wasn't letting go. My mouth was stingy tonight and wanted sole privilege to make her cum.

I flicked my tongue inside her hotness and rolled it around, feeling her walls clamp down on my tongue. I went back to her clit and licked around the fullness before I sucked it into my mouth again. I sucked harder and nipped harder...

"Ed...wa...rd..." She cried out as her body erupted into spasms. I quickly licked my way to her center where all the sweetest nectar escaped and drank everything she gave me. Her body shook like never before as I kept licking and drinking her juices.

"Too sensitive," she sighed, grabbing my hair with her hands and pulling me away.

She lay before me, completely spent. Her face blossomed; her cheeks had a slight pink shade cover them, her lips were swollen and her eyes were almost golden from all the ecstasy her body went through.

"Come here," she beckoned me with her finger. My dick clapped hands and urged me on to make my way up to Bella in lightning speed.

"Someone looks happy," I smiled.

"My body is in complete bliss, Cullen," she smiled.

"And your heart?" I asked.

"Bursting with love for you," she answered.

"Good," I smiled.

Our lips connected again and this time our kiss was slow and soft, yet needy. I opened her legs with my knees as I positioned myself in-between them.

The tip of my dick touched her slit and I moaned. My heart, body and soul were in anticipation from being connected with the woman I loved. My body shook from need and my heart swelled with love while my soul longed to become one again with her.

Our eyes stayed connected as my dick slowly entered her. She was so tight and so slippery wet, but I took my time entering her. She threw her legs over my shoulders causing me to literally growl with pleasure. The movement caused me to go even deeper and I was literally buried balls deep in the love of my life.

"I love you," she whispered hoarsely when I was all the way in.

"I...love...you" I said in a shaky breath. I had a hard time focusing while my swollen dick lay buried in the moist hotness of Bella. I grabbed a pillow and raised Bella's hips and situated the pillow beneath her. Fuck, that was much more comfortable. My dick twitched a couple of times and I slowly leaned backwards so that I wouldn't hurt her while her legs were hanging over my shoulders.

I started moving slowly, plunging in and out of her. I pulled out slowly and plunged back in harder. .

As I moved in and out of her, she moved with me, meeting every thrust I gave her.

It was slow and neither one of us made a move to fasten our lovemaking. Bella's hands covered her breasts and she gently pinched her nipples between her fingers, moaning and groaning while I thrust into her. It was the most erotic thing I've ever seen.

My hand came between us and I pinched her clit between my fingers while I plunged into her. Then I held both her hips with my hands to still her movements while I rolled my hips, grinding against her core, causing Bella to writhe and roll her head from side to side. I rolled again only slower this time, stretching our time together out. I wanted to be connected to her forever because it was the best damn feeling on this earth.

Bella's eyes rolled into her head and she arched her back. I pinched her clit again and pushed hard on the swollen nub while my hips rolled on. My dick urged me to speed up my movements but for once I completely ignored him. I was overcome, not by lust, but by love. I've never experienced love with Bella like this before and it sufficed to say that I wanted this all the time. I was a full-blown addict to making love to Bella like this.

With every, oh so fucking slow, movement I could feel Bella's walls tighten around my cock, clamping down. Pure euphoria was all I felt when I pulled out of her just to thrust back into the clamped tightness, not to mention the wet sleekness.

Stars erupted in front of me when I thrust back in one last time deeper than ever before as I spilled my seed inside of her. My back arched from the spasms and I gritted my teeth together, hissing out her name as it was too much effort to yell. My body started feeling numb and completely spent as the last spasms contorted my body.

Bella's walls tightened around my cock as her body shook uncontrollably beneath me. It was hard to focus on her beautiful face while I was riding out my own orgasm.

I was still moving until her body calmed down. I fell on top of her limply, breathing hard. I was in complete bliss and euphoria.

Our chests rose and fell together as we were still connected as one.

"I have no words for what that was," Bella said out of breath. I pulled myself up with a lot of effort and looked into her golden dilated eyes.

"That was '_us_'," I said, breathing hard. I slowly pulled out of her and our bodies spasmed together from the sensitivity of our orgasms. My dick fell limply back in place and I couldn't help but chuckle. For once he was satisfied, completely and wholly. He looked tired as he hung between my legs.

"Feel up to a shower?" I asked her.

"I don't know if I'll be able to walk," she said, chuckling and raking her fingers through her sweaty hair.

"I'll carry you," I suggested.

"Why does the thought of washing what just happened between us off hurt like hell?" She asked with pouty lips.

I burst out laughing.

"It kinda does suck, love, but we're sweaty and it would relax our muscles from the lustful workout we just had," I winked.

"Yeah, yeah," she pouted again.

"Plus, we're getting married tomorrow, love, and I would hate for Alice and Rosalie to smell the sex on you in the morning. I would never hear the end of it," I said. My body shivered at the thought of them telling Emmett and Jasper. They would tease me forever, not that it would bother me, but the mere thought of them discussing my sex life with Bella would infuriate me.

"Fuck, let's go," Bella jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom

"Hey," I chuckled. "What happened to you not knowing whether you'll be able to walk" I asked, running after her.

"Rosalie and Alice," she simply answered and I nodded.

"Ah, so you are afraid of them?" I teased.

"Not afraid, Cullen, careful. Plus, I don't want them to know what we just did. Besides, they'll turn the most beautiful thing into teasing and making fun of us," she explained.

"You know, I was just thinking the same thing about Em and Jas," I said.

We got into the shower and I moved Bella underneath the water.

"I'm glad I don't have those two to deal with when it comes to sex teasing," Bella said while I lathered her hair with her favorite strawberry shampoo.

"Yup, they can be brutal," I answered. "Especially Emmett. One would think that since he is almost 35 he would grow up some time soon, but from the looks of things, I would say that he will never grow up," I said.

"I can't imagine the things he will tell Tristan when he is older," she said.

I lathered her body with soap and massaged her thoroughly before it was my turn.

"Let's hope that Tristan grows up only to tell Emmett he must grow up" I said.

"Pfft, that will be unlikely with Emmett as a constant in his life," Bella said.

After our shower, we climbed into our bed and snuggled closely.

"Tomorrow you'll be Mrs. Cullen," I whispered into her neck.

"I can't wait," she whispered back.

"Do you think Alice knows I'm here?" I asked her.

Bella chuckled softly.

"I sure as hell hope not because I wouldn't want to be you if she knows," she said still laughing.

I had snuck into my own house to be with Bella tonight. Alice swore she would kill me if she found me here. Alice could be really dangerous if she wanted to be, but a pregnant Alice is dangerous permanently. Poor Jasper had spent the night at Emmett's a couple of times now.

It was still early in the evening but Bella and I were bushed from our activities. Tristan and Abbey were spending the night at Emmett's place.

We also refused to have bachelor and bachelorette parties the night before our wedding and decided to skip the entire event. Besides, bachelor parties were for men celebrating their last night of freedom and _that_ celebration didn't count in my situation. I wasn't sad to end my life as a free man. I was extremely happy and overjoyed by becoming Bella's husband.

"Edward Cullen, you better not be in there when I enter this room," Alice yelled. "Oh, and you better be fully dressed because I'm planning on dragging your ass - clothed or not - out of this house," she ranted on.

Bella started laughing hard.

"It's not funny, Bella," I said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, you're wrong, Cullen, it's fucking hilarious" she said before she erupted in laughter.

The door swung open to reveal a furious looking pregnant pixie. Her hand rested on her hip while her foot tapped on the floor.

"I specifically asked you to stay away tonight, Edward. It's just for one night. Did you really think we wouldn't check on Bella?" She asked.

"Alice, I'm not a child. I don't believe that its bad luck to see your bride the night before the wedding and I'm sure Bella agrees. Please leave us alone," I hissed back at her.

Bella was still laughing her ass off but I wasn't amused in the slightest. Alice was being a complete control freak and it pissed me off.

"Get out, Edward," she ordered me. I wanted to refuse at first, but she had a little craziness displaying in her eyes, so I sighed, rolled out of bed and moved my spent body to the bathroom where I got dressed.

Bella and Alice were giggling when I came out of the bathroom. I narrowed my eyes at them.

"I hope that you weren't a part of this scheme, Bella," I said.

"Now why would you think that?" she asked innocently, but something in her eyes told me that she was a part of Alice's plan.

"I'll get you back, Swan. I swear this!" I exclaimed. I leaned down and kissed her already swollen lips before I kissed my sister's head.

"I'll be waiting at the altar, love," I said with a crooked grin.

"I'll be the one in white," she said back, smiling broadly.

"Ha, very original. I'll be waiting, love," I whispered.

"Oh, for fuck sakes, get on with it, Edward. You two love birds are driving me crazy," Alice huffed.

I chuckled, but it quickly died as I thought about something.

"Bella, I hope you are not this moody when you are pregnant," I said. Bella's eyes widened and her beautiful face flushed with a light pink. "Because I plan on impregnating you a couple of times, but it would be kinda hard if you would be bitchy all the time," I winked.

"You'll just have to wait and see," Bella answered, winking back.

"I'll take my chances the first time and pray that you don't turn into some Godzilla," I chuckled.

"Edward, you are on very thin ice. I mean it, _thin ice_!" Alice screeched.

"That's my cue to leave, love. I love you so much and I'll see you tomorrow," I said quickly, desperately wanting to get away the wrath of my sister. Man, she was an evil pixie when she was pregnant. Plus, by her mood I could tell that Jasper was spending the night at Emmett's house again.

When I entered Emmett's house, which I still had a key to, I heard laughter coming from the entertainment room. Emmett's bellowing laughter was the one that stood out.

Sure as hell, when I entered the entertainment room, Jasper was sitting there with a beer in his hand. He looked pissed as hell. I chuckled.

"Oh, Jazzy, how many kids did you want?" I asked.

"Hardy-Har-Har," he grinned. "I see you've been kicked out as well, so shut the fuck up!" he hissed. I roared in laughter because he was more than pissed.

"I was kicked out by _your_ wife, not my fiancée. It's two completely different things," I answered with a grin. "How many, Jasper?" I asked again.

"I don't want any more," he mumbled. "Not after this pregnancy," he added quickly. "Sorry, Carlisle!"

I was glad to see my father enjoying himself. Days like these with him were rare as he only spent his days lying down or sleeping. He was also different since my mother came back and actually spent some time with him.

That was something I forgot to mention; my mother.

Yes, she talked to Alice, Emmett and myself. And, of course, Alice and Emmett had welcomed her back with widely stretched arms. I, on the other hand, had a really hard time forgiving her and trusting her. Was this just another act? How could I have believed her interest all of a sudden after thirty years' lack of love and interest?

I was keeping a very close eye on her and from what I've seen she seemed to be real. I've never seen this side of Esme and it was freaky and good at the same time. Plus, she's been taking constant care of my father and they seemed happy. It wasn't something I'd ever seen between them. Esme also had something different about her; her eyes looked happier. And for the first time I could see real love when she looked at my father. That alone scored her some major points with me.

My father meant the world to me and seeing him this happy and loved, made my heart swell.

"Jazz, not every pregnancy is the same. You'll see…"

"No, I won't see, Carlisle. I've had it with Alice's mood swings; laughing one minute just to burst out in tears the next. She eats herself to death – looking like a real fucking pig while she does. Food covers her mouth and face and it looks like she stuffed her face instead of her mouth," he complained.

Emmett and I roared in laughter, imagining my sister's face stuffed with food. Fuck, if she could have heard him now, he would be sleeping at Emmett's place for months. The poor guy had a lot of baggage he needed to unload and we just let him.

"Plus, I'm getting sick and fucking tired of being kicked out of my own damn house. What the fuck is wrong with her? She turned into this fucking monster as soon as she heard she was pregnant," he ranted on. "Godzilla is an understatement for what Alice had turned in to," he added.

Even Carlisle laughed.

"I'm sorry, I know she's your daughter and you guys' sister, but if her mood doesn't change soon, I can't guarantee that she'll live to see another month," he apologized half-heartedly.

"Whoa, son, you need to relax. I'm sure her moods will subside soon. She's five months along and everything will go back to normal soon," Carlisle said quickly when he heard that Jasper was planning on killing my sister.

Emmett and I snickered behind the bar but one death glare from Jasper made us drink a beer instead of laughing.

"I can't wait to see the two of you in the same position I am right now," he grinned for the first time tonight.

"I don't think Bella would turn into Godzilla," I said loudly. "She's too kind," I added.

Jasper erupted in laughter and I couldn't help but grin. He unloaded his baggage and was starting to get into the party mood.

"Yeah, Alice was kind too," he joked.

Emmett, Carlisle and I cocked our eyebrows at him at the same time.

"What? She was…"

"Dude, then you don't know Alice like we know her," Emmett said, punching Jasper's shoulder.

"Do you mean to tell me that she's been faking with me?" he asked.

"Maybe you're just blinded by love," I said quickly.

"Why didn't anyone tell me this before I married one of the witches of Eastwick?" he asked, throwing his hands in the air.

"You better hope that Alice doesn't find out about this," Carlisle warned him.

"You wouldn't tell her, would you? I mean, she's your daughter and all, but I'm like a son to you, too." He panicked.

Carlisle chuckled while shaking his head.

"No, son, I wouldn't tell her," he answered quickly.

"Thank goodness," he sighed in relief.

"Rosalie wouldn't be as bad as Alice," Emmett stated his point. His arm was still in a sling but he was healing quickly. As soon as the wound was healed he had to start physical exercise to regain his arm's strength.

Jasper and I was quiet before we erupted in laughter. We were laughing so hard that we had to hold our stomachs.

"Dude, Rosalie will be the worst out of the three," Jasper said.

"No, she won't," Emmett argued.

"Her fucking death glares alone would kill you, Em, you're not thinking this clearly. Before you marry her you should really get to know her and ask someone who knows her pretty well – like Bella. Don't make the same mistake I did," Jasper warned him.

"Dude, do you think you made a mistake marrying my sister?" I asked seriously. I was starting to get worried about Jasper and Alice's marriage and thought that I would have to have a talk with my sister. She would lose Jasper if she kept this up.

The shy smile on Jasper's face spoke something completely different though and I relaxed.

"No, Ed, I love her more than my life. I would marry her again even if I knew she would turn out to be piggy slash Godzilla slash Witch," he said in all seriousness.

"Then you must truly love her," Carlisle said. "But to be honest, I would marry Esme all over again, too," he added.

"Where is Mom by the way?" I asked.

"I'm right behind you," she answered.

I turned around and looked at my mother. She was glowing as if a light was set alight from behind her. Her eyes sparkled and reminded me of my own whenever I thought of Bella. Esme truly changed because no one could pull off a fake appearance like that. Your eyes were the windows to your soul and revealed every true emotion you were feeling. Two weeks ago, Esme's eyes were dull and grey because her heart was dull and grey. Her walls were cracked and the compassion and love shone through the cracks, destroying the walls. She was the woman my father always told me about.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, surprised that she wasn't with the girls.

Her eyes turned sad at my question and I realized that it had come out all wrong. Plus, it was the exact same thing I had asked her when she returned to Seattle weeks ago. I quickly made my way around the bar counter and approached her with a smile.

I cupped her cheeks and witnessed the life return to her eyes that looked so much like my own.

"I only meant," I said softly, "Why aren't you with the girls?" I continued.

She smiled crookedly and I instantly knew where I had gotten the grin from. There was still so much I had to learn about my mother. I knew we had a long road ahead of us but believed that with love and forgiveness we would make it. I finally had the chance to build a relationship with my mother – a chance I had wished for ever since I was a little boy.

"I don't want to leave Carlisle alone," she answered softly, with warmth in her voice that I've never heard before.

"Mom," I said softly – something I haven't called her in years. "We are with Dad. Go to the girls and have some fun for once…get to know them a little better. I have to warn you, though, Rosalie will be a tough one to break," I chuckled.

"Hey, enough with saying or implying that my Rosie is a bitch," Emmett chastised.

I chuckled.

"No one said anything about a bitch, Em." I chuckled again. "Maybe you're the one thinking that…"

"Oh, fuck off-"

"Emmett, language!" Esme scolded.

"Sorry, Mom," he mumbled an apology, looking like a kid whose ice-cream fell.

We erupted in laughter.

"Edward, I'm so sorry about everything I had put you through," Esme said, apologizing again.

"Mom, you already apologized-"

"I know, but you were still mad and bitter and I don't think that you've actually heard a word I had said that day," she smiled.

"I…I'm not sure if I've forgiven you, yet." I looked away from her eyes.

"Honey, I understand. I have hurt you very deeply and those wounds will take a while to heal, but what you just did now, was a big step. I wanted to tell you, Edward, that I love you so much and that I'm proud of you, son." she smiled.

"You have a beautiful family and I'm so proud that you fought for them, Edward. I know I've said some pretty bad things about Bella, which I never meant. I was just consumed with bitterness and anger that I wanted everyone to be bitter and angry. I love Bella as my own daughter and_ both_ my grandchildren," she said.

"Thank you, Mom. I appreciate that coming from you." I smiled.

"Well, we have plenty of time to catch up, so I'll see you guys a little later," she said. "I'll go see what the girls have been up to…maybe they are complaining about you guys as well," she winked.

"I never complained," I said quickly.

"Esme, please don't tell Alice-" Jasper said quickly with widened eyes.

Esme held hands up, "I won't say a word, besides, I know my daughter quite well, Jasper, and I know how big of a Godzilla she can be," she said with a wink.

"How come I didn't know this before she was pregnant? Everyone knows except for me…"he pouted again.

"Don't worry, dear, she'll be her old self in no time at all," Esme comforted him, but Emmett and I snickered again.

After Esme packed a bag to spend the night with the girls and left the house, our real party started. Beers were plentiful, Emmett had ordered some snacks to keep our tummies full with all the beer that we'd been drinking, and we were laughing and teasing each other about our girlfriends, fiancées and wives.

I never wanted a bachelor party, still didn't, but this was the best half-bachelor party I'd ever been to. Plus, the fact that my father was a part of it made everything fan-fucking-tastic. We were having a lot of fun, even pissed off Jasper eased up and was laughing loudly. We were going to feel it in the morning, though, well, except for Carlisle as he only drank about two beers. He only laughed at us being silly and after a while he started telling tales about him and Esme. Emmett, me and even Jasper hung on every word he said, drinking in every little detail about our mother and mother-in-law.

I had no idea that depression could change a person's personality so drastically. It would have seemed that Esme was held captive by the chains of depression for years. No one was able to help her because she never asked for help. The only person that could have helped her was Esme herself.

I knew Esme loved me, I saw it in her eyes. The big problem was trust; and, of course, forgiveness. I had to work on those two issues because I sure as hell loved my mother…just because, well, she was my mother and I was born with love for her. Sure, over the years the love may have faded, but it was still there. Loving her was natural; it was the forgiveness and trust I had to work hard as fuck on.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Sooo, what did you think? Review please. I'm working on chapter 28 and with the help of my lovely Beta, I hope to give you an amazing chapter :)


	29. Chapter 28 wedding of our dreams

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all!**

**I know I know I know this is late and that you have waited for this. But I was in bed with the flu for almost two weeks and my beta had to make this chapter flow because I wrote it in pieces as I was too sick! Plus she had to help me with the wedding stuff :/ I suck at these things! Anyway, the next 3 chapters are done so review and I'll post them when my beta is done with them!**

**I couldn't have done this without my lovely beta Browneyedgirl825...**

**Thanks for all the reviews an follows and favorites! **

**OoOoOoOoOoO**

**Chapter Twenty Eight – Wedding of our dreams**

**BPOV**

"Bellaaaaaa," Alice's chiming voice yelled in my room. I groaned and pulled the blanket over my head when she pulled open the curtains.

"Ah-ah-ah," she chimed. "You have to get up, sweetie. You have a big day ahead and a lot of appointments," she said excitedly.

"Alice, go away!" I groaned groggily. My head felt groggy from the lack of sleep I had last night. It was the first night since I came out of the hospital that I had to spend without Edward. I couldn't sleep at all and wished he was here.

"No, Bella, get up!" she ordered. I ignored her completely and the next thing I knew, she pulled the blankets off of me and I screeched from the cold.

"Alice, what the fuck?" I yelled.

Alice's eyes widened and she screeched loudly.

"Bella, what the hell is wrong with your eyes? What happened to getting lots of beauty sleep, Bella?" she asked with her hands on her hips.

"I couldn't sleep…" I mumbled.

"Not to worry, Bella, my make-up artist is known to work magic," she said with a smile. "Take a shower but don't wash your hair and then you can come downstairs when you're ready," she explained.

"What if I'll never be ready?" I asked knowing what awaited me once I was all showered and dressed.

"Think about Edward, Bella. He will wait for you in that church and you'll make him the happiest man alive," she said matter of factly.

I did as Alice said; I showered without washing my hair, brushed my teeth and dressed in my favorite skinny jeans, t-shirt and boots. I grabbed my coat and dragged myself downstairs where Alice, Rose and Abbey awaited.

"Mommy, today is the **big** day," Abbey said.

"Are you excited?" I asked with a smile.

"Uh-huh," she nodded her head up and down. "I can't wait to see you in your dress and I can't wait to wear mine," she said. She saw me in my dress but she wanted to see me wearing the dress with my hair and make-up done. She wanted to see the final product.

"You're going to look beautiful," I said.

"Like a real princess." She smiled. "Daddy's Princess," she added with a broader smile.

"Let's get some breakfast," Alice suggested.

Alice took us out for breakfast at some fancy hotel and also told me that it was where I would get dressed. She hired professional hairdressers, make-up artists and a nail technician. I would be pampered all day long – something I did not look forward to.

Abbey was very excited and it started to rub off on me. I was marrying the man of my dreams today. We would spend eternity together…

After breakfast, I was escorted to a luxury suite where Alice ordered me to get into the Jacuzzi for about an hour. She said that she had special oils mixed into the water that would calm my muscles and nerves. A glass of champagne was placed on the side and I sipped on the expensive drink.

In a couple of hours I would be Mrs. Edward Cullen and that was what calmed me down – not the damn oils in the water. Just the thought of Edward waiting at the altar for me made me the happiest and giddiest woman alive.

I was literally dragged out of the water and then my worst nightmare came true. I basically sat for three hours while people worked on my hair, face and nails. Abbey enjoyed herself to the extreme while she was pampered and treated like a real princess.

I gasped out loud when I was turned around to face the mirror by my two friends. I gawked back at the unfamiliar brunette in the mirror. I had no clue who she was but she was fucking gorgeous. Her hair had soft curls that cascaded down her back. Thousands of Swarovski crystals were scattered around in her curls and shimmered with every twist of her hair. A few lose strands of curls hugged her face and on top of her head was a beautiful glowing princess crown of Swarovski's and black diamonds.

My hand rose of its own accord to touch my cheek. The girl in the mirror did the exact same thing and I had to blink a couple of times to make sure I wasn't dreaming. The girl was in fact me, Isabella Marie Swan.

My eyes met my two friends, Alice and Rosalie, in the mirror. Their smiling faces looked back at me in awe.

Rose had soft flowing curls that were pinned half up and half down with a few tendrils to complete her look. Alice's hair was spiked to perfection as she had the same problem Edward had – crazy fucking hair. She always complained about it since we were little and had to spend two hours in front of the mirror every day just to try and tame the hair.

Alice and Rose decided on a dress that would be suitable for Alice since she was five months pregnant. Their dresses were made of crumpled silk and flowed into different layers from the waist down. The top half of the dresses was beaded with crystals to form some elegant motifs. The dress was, of course, a Jovani design and their shoes were Jimmy Choo shoes.

"You look absolutely fucking gorgeous, Bells," Rosalie exclaimed.

"I…I can't believe this is me," I said back, staring at myself once again.

"If this is the reaction from only your hair and make-up then I can't wait to see your reaction when you put your dress on, Bella," Alice chimed while dancing her way to the white zipped bag where my dress was hiding.

When it was finally time for us to get dressed, millions of butterflies floated around in my stomach. In a couple of minutes I would marry the love of my existence. This was what it was supposed to be like; excitement, joy and love. The day I was supposed to marry Jake wasn't even close to this. This was what it was supposed to feel like when you married your true love. Love bubbled in my body and made me all giddy with excitement.

The photographer took photos of me while Alice and Rose helped me into my dress. The both of them pulled the corset strings tightly and tied it. The dress was gorgeous and as soon as it was on my body, I knew I had made the right choice in buying it. Alice wanted to get me one of the top designer dresses worth tens of thousands of dollars but when I saw a design of _Maggie Sottero_, I knew I wanted it.

Alice and Rose literally pulled me to the huge floor to ceiling mirror in the room. Again, I gasped when I saw myself in the mirror. My dress was a perfect fit and hugged every detail of my body. The diamond white dress was an A-line style dress and was made of soft shimmering satin. Under my left breast and right hip were beaded motifs glowing with Swarovski crystals. Asymmetrical pleating slimmed my waist and then drifted into a fluid-like bustled skirt, finished with a bubble hem train.

"You're going to leave Edward breathless today, Bella," Rose said, clasping her hands in front of her mouth. I saw that she was at the brink of tears and felt my own eyes sting with tears. "You're finally going to be Mrs. Edward Cullen, Bella," she choked.

"I love you, Rose, so much." I said in a trembling voice.

"Hey, hey, hey," Alice complained. "No tears, Rose, Bella," she shook her index finger at the both of us and we started laughing through unshed tears. "Here are your shoes, Bella," Alice said with a smile.

"Urm, Alice, that's not the shoes I ordered," I said when she handed me the Jimmy Choo box.

"I bought this for you as a wedding gift," she said, "Consider it the something new part," she chuckled.

"Oh my fucking…" I gasped when I opened the box. It matched the color of my dress perfectly as if it was made for this dress. It was crystal peep-toe pumps made of white satin, embraced by sparkling hand strassed custom crystal panels and finished by a fully custom crystal strassed five inch heel. "These are breathtaking, Alice, thank you." I sighed.

"You can walk down the aisle in exquisite and elegant delight, Bella." she chuckled. "And, it is my pleasure," she added.

"The Princess Abbey is ready," Jean-Pierre, Alice's make-up artist, announced.

When Abbey walked into the room I couldn't have helped the sob that escaped my lips. She was an absolute vision and I clasped my hand over my mouth.

"What do you think?" she asked innocently while twirling around for us to see her entire attire.

Abbey's dressed looked a lot like mine but there were minor differences. Her dress had spaghetti straps while mine was strapless. Plus, the designer I hired to design Abbey's dress designed a belt to part the top from the bustled skirt. She had a few Swarovski crystals beaded onto her top and of course, she didn't have the train. Her dress was slightly darker than mine and almost looked like an alabaster color.

Abbey's hair flowed into a million soft curls all the way to the small of her back. There were hundreds of white diamond pearls stuck into her curls. The alabaster color of the dress contrasted her russet skin tone beautifully. It looked as if she was glowing…sparkling like a million stars. A true Princess!

"Abbey, you look-" I said and clasped my hands over my chest where my heart was beating fast, "absolutely beautiful. Like a true princess…"

"Daddy's Princess," she pouted.

"Yes, Daddy's Princess," I nodded.

"It's time, it's time, it's time…" Alice bounced up and down like a kid with too much candy in her system.

My heart pounded in my chest up to the point where it was getting painful. In just a few minutes, I would walk down that aisle and marry the love of my life. I was so damn excited and yet afraid. Afraid I would fall down on my face. Afraid I would forget my vows and say the wrong shit. What if I call him an ass again out of nervousness? Would he dump my body in the ocean? A smirk spread across my face…he wouldn't dare!

The white limo was waiting outside the hotel for us. We drank champagne on the way to the church and even Abbey was sipping some _Appletiser_ from a champagne glass.

I could see my father as he waited for me at the church doors. He looked so damn handsome in his tux. A smile curved my lips as I saw how he pulled and tugged on the collar and bowtie.

Charlie rushed to the limo as soon as it parked and he gentlemanly opened the door for us girls. I was the last to leave the car and Charlie's eyes immediately filled with tears.

"Bells," he croaked out, sniffing a little. "You look beautiful, baby, and breathtakingly beautiful."

"Thanks, Dad." I smiled.

_Please don't cry, please don't cry, please don't cry_, I repeated over and over in my head.

"Are you ready for this?" Charlie asked as we came to a standstill in front of the closed church doors.

I nodded slowly. "I am," I said softly.

"Edward is a lucky man, Bells, he better treat you right," Charlie said in a way only he was capable of saying.

"I'm the lucky one, dad. Besides, I'm the one who's been treating him like shit…" I said with a chuckle.

"Good," Charlie said with a smirk.

I didn't want a veil, which pissed Alice off as well, but I just didn't see the point in wearing a veil today. I wanted to see my future husband clearly as I walk down the aisle towards him. I didn't want to see him through netting and shit.

The doors opened….

**EPOV**

My heart was racing in excitement as I sat in my chair waiting for the love of my existence. My knees bounced up and down and I kept pulling my fingers through my hair. Emmett rolled his eyes as he looked at my hair. I chuckled. So much for trying to tame that at least for my wedding day. I couldn't care less because Bella loved my crazy fucking hair, and whatever she loves, goes…

We were told to take our positions and that was when I almost pissed myself from nervousness. This day had finally arrived and even though I was nervous as fuck, I was going to marry Bella and be with her forever. Our dreams were coming true today and nothing would ever rip us apart again.

The doors flew open and bright light filled the church's opening. My heart soared when my little Princess came through the doors. The light behind her made her look like a real angel. Tears sprung to my eyes and I had to choke back a sob. She was so beautiful, so fucking beautiful. An absolute vision…

Everybody in the church went 'aaw' when she ran to me. "Daddy, Daddy, look. I'm a real princess," she said. I crouched down and caught her running body in my arms. I kissed her head and cheeks.

"You look like a princess in your PJ's too, princess," I cooed.

"Oh, Daddy, you say such funny things," she giggled.

I put her down and she took her place where Bella had told her to stand.

Next was Alice to walk down the aisle and then Rosalie. Jasper and Emmett's eyes were on fire from watching their girls walk down the aisle. Alice looked too cute with her pregnant belly in the long dress.

The doors closed again and I swallowed hard. This was it…

The moment I have waited for since the moment she left me ten years ago. The moment I only had the privilege to dream about for ten years. The moment that finally turned into reality where all my dreams would come true…

The doors opened again and I was only able to see her silhouette as the light was so bright behind her. I swallowed again and I felt my legs shaking. Fuck, I was so nervous.

As soon as the doors closed I gasped. Bella took my breath away and I literally had a hard time breathing. My chest constricted and I took another lungful of air in.

This time, the tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I looked at the magnificently beautiful woman walking towards me. I was in complete awe of my Bella.

Her dress looked so soft and it hugged every curve of her beautifully…well, the top half at least. Her chestnut hair flowed down her back and I could almost smell her strawberry shampoo in those locks.

Her eyes met mine from across the aisle as soon as she started walking towards me. Our eyes locked and I saw the same pools of tears swimming in her eyes as I felt in mine. This was the happiest moment of my life…a moment I would never ever forget and would treasure forever.

Charlie kissed her cheek and looked at me.

"Take care of her, son," he said hoarsely and I swore I saw tears in Charlie's eyes.

"I will, Charlie, forever!" I smiled.

He laid Bella's hand in mine and the electric currents flowed through my veins just like it always had since I had laid eyes on Bella when we were six years old. That had never changed.

"You look so beautiful, love." I smiled lovingly at her.

"You're the handsomest man I've ever seen in a tux, Cullen," she whispered softly. Love and passion burned in her brown eyes, diluting them to honey gold.

The pastor preached about love, but to be honest, I didn't even hear half of it because I was anxious to just kiss the fucking hell out of Bella. I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and run far away from our guest, only to undress her slowly and ravish every part of her. Then I wanted to make love to her all night long…

"Bella, I have loved you since we were six years old and I have never stopped loving you. Yes, there were times where I thought that I had lost you forever but fate brought us back together. I promise to love you until the day I die and even after that," I said slowly but with so much emotion that I felt it bubble inside of me, choking the living shit out of me. I swallowed hard, never taking my eyes off of Bella. I have never seen true beauty until this day…

"We had to endure so much heartache in life, so much pain, but we prevailed, love, because our love is stronger than the trials that were thrown our way. Our love is stronger than the oceans we had to swim to get back together. Our love is stronger than the mountains we had to climb to trust and forgive each other. Our love is stronger than thorn bushes we had to break through to completely free our hearts. We've won, Bella, because our love for each other never gave up. I promise to go through every storm with you, climb every mountain and break every thorn bush that life throws our way in the future," I said with a thick voice.

"You are not only the love of my existence but you are the mother of my children. You gave me the greatest gift any man could ever ask for in life; Tristan and Abbey. I promise to love our children and be there for them. I promise to be the best father in this world and hope to be the father they deserve," I almost cried out. I was overwhelmed by love for my children and my Bella.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you are my life. I was born to love you and share my entire existence with you. I love you with all of my heart, all of my body, all of my soul and all of my spirit. I am nothing without you, love, because you are my life. You complete me, Bella. I promise to give my all to you; heart, body, soul and spirit and become one with you for eternity. I promise to guard your heart, body, soul and spirit with my very life and protect you from everything and anything that comes our way. I promise to be a good husband and hope to be the man you truly deserve," I said the last of my vows I had written.

Her tears were flowing freely now as she still looked deeply into my eyes. I slipped her wedding ring onto her finger and she looked down and a soft gasp could be heard from her mouth. She looked back at me and smiled through her tears.

"The moment when you punched Mike Newton when he pushed me down twenty five years ago, was the moment I knew I have found the boy I loved. When we made love for the first time fifteen years ago, I knew I have found the man I want to marry and spend eternity with," she said with a shy smile. I swallowed hard, thinking that Charlie was sitting a few feet from me and if he did the calculations he would know that I slept with his daughter when she was only sixteen years old.

"There was a time that I believed that love was just a fairytale emotion and that it wasn't real or true. Once again, you proved me wrong by coming back into my life and sweeping me off of my feet again. You have proven over and over again that love is true and love is real and that love has the power to overcome anything," she said seriously.

"We have overcome so much already but I don't regret one thing that has happened to us because it made us who we are today. It made our love stronger than ever before and by that we have proven to this world that nothing can bring us down again. Our love is pure and warm. Our love gives me hope for the future. Our love gives me strength to forget about the past and to never look behind us. Our love gave us Tristan and Abbey…" she started sobbing. My chest constricted in amazement and awe and I couldn't believe the amount of love that shone from her eyes. Her love alone would carry me through anything I had to go through. Her love gave me strength to do so much and overcome so much.

"I promise to love you forever, Edward Cullen. I promise to carry you when you are not able to walk. I promise to support you. I promise to be a good mother to our children and I promise to be a good wife to you. I give you my heart, soul, body and spirit and promise to guard your heart, soul, body and spirit with my very life. I promise to cherish our love for eternity!" she said as she slipped my ring onto my finger.

"I know pronounce you husband and wife," the pastor said. "You may kiss your beautiful bride, Mr. Cullen," he said and chuckled.

He didn't have to invite me twice. I slipped one hand around her waist and pulled her closer to me. Her arms snaked around my neck and I felt her fingers crawl into my hair starting at the nape of my neck. She tangled my hair around her fingers and slowly pulled me down. I cupped half her neck and jaw with my hands and slowly brought my lips to hers. Her eye lids slid closed as I neared her lips and the moment our lips touched, everyone around us disappeared. It was as if Bella and I were the only people in the church. Our lips were locked tight as we moved slowly around one another's lips. The tip of my tongue vaguely touched her bottom lip and my desire for Bella grew!

I wanted her. I needed her.

Clapping hands and whistling sounds could be heard far, far away in the back of my mind. It reminded me that we were in front of guests but it also reminded me that I was now married to Bella. I was tied to her for life and I never felt more exhilarated in my entire life.

Bella slowed our kiss with a moan but I stole one last peck before we turned to face our guests. My heart was bursting with love and happiness as we walk out of the church.

Why was I so afraid to get married ten years ago?

This was the best day of my life and probably the happiest – apart from learning that I had a son a few months ago.

The reception was held in a private hall at one of the best Hotels in Seattle. We had invited all in all about forty guests because we wanted to keep it small and intimate.

"Are you ready to dance with your husband?" I asked my wife.

She sighed heavily and I chuckled. Bella hated dancing.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she said with a forced smile. I chuckled again.

We danced our first dance as husband and wife to '_I live my life for you'_ by _Lifehouse. _As I twirled my wife around the dance floor, I sang the words softly into her ear. I felt her body relax while I sang to her and after a while she danced like a fucking professional.

"Do you have any idea how much I fucking want you, Cullen?" she asked seductively while swaying her hips to the beat of the song. My pants stiffened instantly and I swallowed.

"I wanted you the moment you walked into that church, love," I said back.

"Let's disappear for a while." Her eyes burned with raw desire and lust.

I chuckled, thinking she was joking.

She frowned before she pulled her lips into that pout that I just couldn't say no to.

"Bella, you can't be serious?" I laughed. "I mean, what about our guests? Everyone will know when the bride and groom suddenly go AWOL," I explained, raking my fingers through my hair.

"So you're denying your wife on her wedding day?" she pouted again, puckering her lips even more.

"Fuck, Bella," I groaned. "Please don't pucker your sweet fucking lips like that," I begged. "Besides, it would be pretty hard to make love to you in that dress."

"Who said anything about making love, Edward?" she asked, fluttering her eyes at me. "I wanted a quick fuck just to take the edge off a bit," she winked her eye. The song ended and she kissed me full and hard on my lips and left me standing in the middle of the dance floor gaping like an idiot. My eyes followed my wife's body as it swayed back to our table. I swore she walked like that just to arouse me more.

Suddenly, all I could think of was fucking Bella in that dress. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the images out of my head and it hardened my dick even more. The fucker twitched like mad and strained my tuxedo pants to such an extreme that I had to undo the fly for me to just breathe fucking normally. It was getting painful and I couldn't concentrate on one thing.

I had to get my shit together because in thirty minutes I was to sing Bella a song and there was no way that I could sing to her in this state. She was having a ball with our closest friends and family while I was sitting behind our table hiding my erection.

I narrowed my eyes at her. She knew that her suggestion would have this effect on me. She fucking knew that I wouldn't be able to concentrate before I gave in to her request and fucked her brains out.

I clenched my jaw, rubbed my palms together.

_Come on, Cullen, you're stronger than this, _I said to myself. Her request was alluring if I had to be honest, but there was no way that I would disappear with her and have sex just to come back and be the joke of my two brothers for the rest of my life. I would never hear the end of it. Everyone would know what we had done and as much as I would like to say that I didn't give a fuck, the thought of Charlie alone** made** me give a fuck.

That was all good but I still had a major fucking problem probing the shit out of my pants. I sighed. Bella would be the death of me…

Bella was talking to Emmett and Rosalie while I was hiding behind our table with a twitching dick. I grabbed my glass of champagne and downed it. I tapped my fingers on the table as I stared at my bride.

Fuck, she was breathtaking. For the first time in my life, the term 'breathtaking' wasn't just a word. Bella literally took my breath away today. Every time I looked at her I had a hard time breathing. She saw me staring at her and smiled widely, winked and blew me a kiss. She made her way back to me and my eyes had a hard time focusing on her eyes as her hips swayed from side to side, not to mention those perky breasts that looked extra perky in that dress.

"Like what you see?" she teased.

"Definitely," I chuckled.

She took her seat beside me and I quickly cupped her cheeks and pressed my lips against hers. She responded immediately and sucked my top lip into her mouth while I was working her bottom one. I pushed my tongue into her sweet mouth and instantly swirled my tongue around hers. Our tongues danced together in a heated tango fighting for dominance. She groaned into my mouth and my dick strained to the extreme. I wanted to take her right then and there and fuck her until she begged me to stop…until the both of us were too tired to walk.

"Let's excuse ourselves from this party," she suggested through haggard breaths. Her eyes melted mine with lust, passion and want.

"The wait will make our time together tonight much more intense, love. Believe me when I say that if you had any plans to sleep tonight that you should cancel those plans," I whispered, kissing those luscious lips, "because I plan on making love to you all night long," I whispered into her ear while my fingers graciously rubbed over her ribs and slightly touched her breast eliciting a gasp from my lovely bride. "But first, love, I'm going to make you pay for leaving me with a very painful erection," I warned, guiding her hand to my strained pants and let her feel what I was talking about.

"Fuck, Edward," she moaned, giving me a gentle squeeze. I hissed from the almost relief her touch gave me but also causing more tension from not allowing me to release.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Jasper announced over the mic, "Edward has a surprise for his lovely bride," he said. He looked directly at me and nodded for me to come forward. I quickly zipped myself up and buttoned my tuxedo jacket to cover my erection. I kissed my love's forehead and stood up, making my way to the small stage.

"Bella, you set my heart on fire," I said over the mic and looked directly into her eyes.

I strummed the intro on my acoustic guitar while Jasper and Emmett played the drums and electric guitar.

"_Hand in hand, sparkling eyes, the days are bright, and so are the nights. Cause when I'm with you I'm grinning. Once I was through and now I'm winning…"_

I looked deeply into her eyes while singing this song. She was standing in front of me while the other guests stood behind her and swayed to the music – some jumped up and down while others simply moved to the beat.

"_And I won't let you go…now you know; I've been crazy for you all this time. I've kept it close, always hoping…with a heart on fire…a heart on fire…"_

"_Let me walk through life with you…everybody dreams of having what we do, like we're holding thunder, you pull me out from under…"_

I sang the chorus again while jumping up and down. Tristan and Abbey have joined their mother and jumped up and down as well.

"Thank you," I said out of breath and bowed before the smallest crowd I have ever performed in front of. I jumped off the stage and pulled a jumping Bella into my arms, kissing her fervently.

"That was so hot," she said into my ear. I chuckled.

"Fuck, I love you so much," I said with emotion. My throat swelled and I had a hard time breathing from the emotions that took my body over.

"I love you, Cullen, always! And thank you for the song, it was beautiful," she said.

After the reception ended, I took Bella to the hotel suite I booked for us. Tristan and Abbey were to spend the night with Carlisle and Esme. Bella didn't want to go on a honeymoon right now because Christmas was around the corner and she was afraid that something would happen to Carlisle while we were away. She said that we had forever to go on the honeymoon of our dreams and I loved her even more.

We barely made it into the hotel room before I crashed my lips onto hers, pushing her against the door and feeling her up like a fucking teenager. Our tongues moved viciously against one another's and soon we were both out of breath but I kissed my way down to her silky neck and kissed and nipped on the sweet skin. Her fingers curled into my hair and pulled hard as she made the most exotic mewling sounds.

"Before we get too carried away, Edward, you might want to help me undo this corset," she said out of breath while I sucked on the soft flesh in her neck.

I slowly lifted my head and looked deeply into her honey eyes – a trait of hers when she was filled with lust and want.

"Turn around," I said huskily, swallowing deeply. She did as I asked and I slowly untied the knot before I loosened the corset. As soon as the corset was all loosened her dress slipped from her body and pooled around her feet. I swallowed excessive saliva in my mouth and gently touched her skin with fingertips. I lowered my mouth to her shoulder blade and kissed her sensually before I trailed to the other one. I raked my one arm around her waist and pulled her backside closer to me. Her head fell back onto my shoulders giving me the perfect opportunity to claim those sweet lips again.

"Don't make me wait a minute longer, Edward," she whispered through kisses. Her hands were in my hair again and I quickly turned her around, unclasping her bra in one swift movement. Her breasts sprung free and I immediately cupped the both of them, massaging gently. Bella loosened my shirt's buttons and I had to let go of the soft peaks for a couple of seconds.

We were completely undressed and stood naked before each other. Passion was building between us. Our chests rose and fell in anticipation as we only stared at one another. I took one step towards her and pushed her up against the door. My hand dipped between us to make sure she was ready for me.

"Aaaah," she groaned when I dipped one finger into her opening. She was soaked with arousal and so fucking ready for me. She wrapped her legs around my hips and I lined my dick up at her center.

"Ready?" I asked.

She simply nodded and I pushed into her in one swift movement. I pushed as deep as I could and started pounding into her hard and fast, desperate for some release after walking with an erection for the entire night. I've waited for this moment since she requested that we go for a quick fuck.

"Not…going…to…last," I grunted out as I plunged into her. I dipped my hand between us and quickly found her clit, pinching and rubbing fast.

"Ung," she moaned and threw her head back against the wall. I pulled out only to pound into her again. The slickness, the moist heat was driving me crazy and the way her walls clenched around my dick was enough to make my balls burst. Her nails dug into my back while she met every thrust.

I flattened my thumb on her nub and made circular movements as I pounded into her moist heat. I could feel the tension building in the pit of my stomach and knew I was close. I had a hard time seeing in front of me and my legs felt like jelly from the release that was building up.

"Ed….wa…rd…fuck!" she screamed out and scratched my back painfully hard. She erupted into spasms and her entire body shook from her release. Her stomach muscles constricted as I kept moving inside her and pinching her nub.

"Bella, I'm…." I said softly when my own orgasm overtook my body. Her walls clamped down around me creating a much more intensified feeling. My body shuddered as I spilled my seed inside of her warmth. The tension from the night made my orgasm so fucking intense. I rocked in and out of her until our orgasms faded.

"That was…different," she chuckled.

"That was me walking around with an erection for almost three hours," I said out of breath. "Do you know how painful that is?" I asked.

"Why didn't you take care of it?" she said, thick with laughter.

"I wanted to but got distracted every single time."

"How do you feel now?" she asked.

"Like a million fucking dollars, love," I smiled. "Ready for round two?" I asked.

"I thought you'd never ask," she said with that seductive voice again. How the fuck did she do that? Bella had the power to make me hard with just her voice…

"Mrs. Cullen," I said, testing the words on my tongue.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?" she asked.

"Nothing, love. I just love how that sounds," I said.

"I love you, Edward, so much that it hurts," she said seriously.

"Love you, Bella, forever and always!"

oOoOoOoOoOoO

I haven't gone into too much detail about the wedding, forgive me, I'm not a big wedding writer :) ...

Please review so I can post the next chapter!


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine - Christmas

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all**

**Couldn't do this without my awesome beta; Browneyedgirl825. She is amazing!**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Thank you for all the follows and favorites! You guys rock!**

**OoOoOoOoOoO**

**Chapter Twenty Nine – Christmas**

"Bella, love, wake up," I whispered, looking at the sleeping face of my beautiful wife.

"Uh-uh," she moaned thickly, opening one eye slightly and closing it quickly. "It's still fucking dark, Cullen, are you crazy?" she complained.

I chuckled and covered her moaning lips with my own.

"I love your pissed off face in the morning," I said hoarsely.

"Fuck off," she mumbled and I laughed softly.

"Mmm, how can I wake you up properly?" I asked, roaming my hand over her naked body.

"Don't you dare tickle me," she said with her eyes still closed.

"I wasn't planning on tickling you, love," I said in a voice thick with emotion and want. My hand trailed down her stomach, swirling around her bellybutton before I trailed lower to her sex.

I pushed her from her side onto her back and she opened her eyes; dark with lust and raw want. She snaked one arm around my neck and pulled me down to her lips just as my finger dipped into her hot, moist entrance that felt like silk. My tongue slipped into her mouth as I dipped another finger in.

She moved her lower body against my hand as I pumped in and out of her wetness, curling my fingers inside of her. She moaned loudly into my mouth and I sucked on her bottom lip.

My thumb found her swollen nub and I made lazy circling movements bringing her into complete oblivion to my every touch and move. I trailed my lips down her jaw line, neck and collarbone until I found the white mounds I so fucking loved. I covered one nipple with my mouth, swirling my tongue around the pink hardness before I sucked a little harder only to take it between my teeth and nip on it. Her back arched while her hips still moved along with my movements in her opening.

"Fuck, Edward," she moaned through clenched teeth. Her head pressed deeper into the pillows and her one hand reached down to grab the sheet between her fingers.

I moved my mouth to the other breast and gave it the same amount of attention. I changed my thumb's movements and circled faster and I felt how her body shivered beneath me. She rolled her head from side to side, moaning from the built-up tension I was causing deep down.

My mouth was in envy of my fingers so I started kissing my way down to her sex. I threw the sheets off of us and sat back on my heels in front of her opening. My body was on fire as I watched how my fingers pumped in and out of her. I loved to watch her cum. I loved to watch how her body would writhe in front of me and shook and shuddered. I loved the effect my hands, mouth and cock had on her; fulfilling every need she had.

I slowly pulled my fingers out of her and she whimpered from the loss of contact. Her cheeks were slightly pink from want and need while her eyes were dark with want to release. I smiled crookedly down at her before I brought my fingers to my lips and licked slowly.

"You always taste so good," I whispered through hard breaths.

I spread her open wider and lowered my head to her sex where I could smell her arousal. I slowly licked from her slit to her clit and blew my hot breath on her. Her body trembled and I saw how her stomach muscles constricted. My mouth watered to taste her again.

I dipped my tongue into her soaking entrance and literally growled with need. I moved my tongue around inside of her while my thumb worked her clit. Bella's body was going crazy with movements and started humping my mouth. I chuckled and grabbed her hips, stilling her movements. I moved upwards until I took her clit between my teeth and bit softly before I sucked it into my mouth completely. I flattened my tongue on her nub while sucking and swirled around and around.

"Aaaaaah," she yelled out loudly as her body started to spasm. I bit down on her again and pulled away while sucking hard. "I'm…oh fuck…Edward…ung" she still screamed.

Her body shuddered and she arched her back again, pushing her hot sex deeper into my face. I let go of her clit with a popping sound and dug into her opening, sucking her dry. Her body was a hot, trembling mess and when I kissed her nub one more time, her entire body shuddered from the aftershocks of her orgasm.

My dick was hard as steel but this wasn't about me, this was about her. I didn't want anything in return. I fell down next to her onto my back and breathed loudly.

"From now on I want to be woken like that every day," she said completely out of breath.

I chuckled.

"I take it was a good idea, then?" I asked.

"Good is an understatement, Cullen," she said.

I felt her body next to mine and she threw her leg over me. She started kissing my neck and roamed my body with her hands.

"Love, I don't want anything in return. That was for you…"

"I know, but I want you so much," she said softly. She climbed on top of me and straddled my hips. My hands instantly grabbed her hips to guide her to my cock. She looked directly into my eyes when she lowered herself on my dick, taking her precious time while doing this.

"Fuck me…" I hissed when her moist tightness surrounded my dick.

"That's the plan," she chuckled but I heard the strain in her own voice.

She sunk down completely until I was buried deep inside of her. I slid my eyes closed from the overwhelming emotions of the moment.

"Look at me, Edward!" she commanded. "Look at me while I'm riding you," she said before she slowly started to move on top of me. I opened my eyes and looked at her gloriously naked body atop mine. Her hips rolled as she moved without breaking the connection; slow at first, driving me almost crazy.

I held tightly unto her hips as I thrust upwards to meet her movements.

"Faster, Bella," I whispered softly. She looked at me and covered my hands on her hips before her own hands trailed upwards, seductively. She covered her owns breasts and massaged them slowly.

I moved upwards to rest my body against the headboard and still held her hips tightly. Suddenly she raised herself only to fall down on my dick again, hard and fast. My toes curled from the pleasure she caused my body. The cold air on my dick when she raised herself and then the hotness of her center as she sunk back down was overwhelming and so fucking intense that I screamed out every time she did this.

All the while she massaged her own breasts and pinched her own nipples. I was close…too close…and I wanted Bella to cum with me. I dipped my thumb between our moving lower bodies and rubbed her clit while she fucked my brains out. I wanted more. I wanted to be deeper and I wanted this to last. I couldn't get enough of her…

"I'm…close," she said through haggard breaths.

"Me," I said with a thrust, "too," I hissed out.

Bella leaned forward, pressing one hand on my chest while the other held onto the headboard for leverage. Her tits bounced up and down from riding me and I could feel my dick twitch inside of her. I opened my mouth and sucked one of the bouncing breasts into my mouth before I came hard and very unexpectedly.

"Oh…fuck…that feels…good," I yelled out while spilling my seed into her. My stomach tightened before my body shuddered with the most unbelievable pleasure.

Bella's body shivered as well and shook wildly as she rode out her own orgasm on top of me. My toes literally curled from euphoria as she shuddered through her aftershocks on top of me. She fell to my chest, her breathing hard and labored. Our chests rose and fell in unison from exhaustion.

"Why the hell did you wake me up this early?" Bella suddenly asked, still out of breath.

I laughed softly at my little kitty cat. Bella was definitely not a morning person. Even after two orgasms!

"Merry Christmas, love," I said with laughter.

"Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. My head is still…urm…"

"It's fine, Bella. I wanted to get everything ready before the kids wake up," I whispered.

"We'll need a shower now, won't we?" she asked with a pout.

I nodded my head.

"That's what I thought," she groaned.

"Come on, love, I'll shower you," I chuckled.

After our shower we dressed warmly and went outside to get everything ready for our children.

"I still think this was a bit extreme, don't you agree?" Bella asked.

I thought back on the argument we had a week ago about my Christmas gifts to Tristan and Abbey. Bella was furious and was even scarier than my demon pregnant sister.

I sighed loudly and closed my eyes.

"Bella, this is my first Christmas with them. Please let me enjoy it," I said.

She came towards me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I'll always feel guilty about that, you know?" she said sadly.

"Don't feel guilty, love. Let me just make up for lost time this year," I smiled crookedly, knowing she loved it so much.

"Okay, but next year we're getting them normal gifts," she caved.

I tied a red bow around the entrances of my children's gifts and grinned when I was fully satisfied with the end product.

"Time to wake up my princess and my son," I said. I was excited and felt like a child myself.

Bella made hot chocolate with mini marshmallows drifting on top. Then we went to their rooms to wake them up.

Tristan woke easily and dressed warmly like his mother requested. Abbey was the problem. She was so much like Bella and also complained about it still being early.

"I guess I'll give your presents to some other princess then," I teased.

Her eyes opened widely and she dressed herself in less than five minutes. We laughed at her but then she pouted and stomped her foot.

"Daddy, that was mean," she pouted.

"I'm sorry, princess, but you didn't want to wake up," I defended myself.

"It's still early," she pouted even more.

"Come on, princess," I held my hand out to her and she took it with a small smile. "Your castle awaits," I said.

She frowned and scrunched up her cute little nose.

"You're probably still asleep because this princess doesn't have a castle," she rolled her eyes.

I laughed softly.

We led them outside to their presents and both of them squealed in excitement.

I had a double story tree house installed for Tristan and a castle installed for Abbey.

"You have a castle now," I said to Abbey. She jumped up and down and clapped her hands in delight.

"Thank you, Daddy, thank you, thank you, thank you!" she yelled.

They ran to their gifts and pulled off the red bows. Tristan was the first one to enter even though he had to climb up to his house. He came back down the Tarzan rope and slammed into my legs.

"Dad, this is so cool," he said out of breath. "This is the coolest tree house I've ever been into – no offense on yours," he said.

"None taken," I chuckled.

"I have real princess stuff in here," we heard Abbey yell from inside her castle.

When they came down from the high of their first gifts, Bella and I led them to the gaming room we installed for them. Tristan and Abbey screamed again.

"You guys are the best," Tristan said.

Abbey was thrilled with the dancing game and the singstar we installed for her while Tristan freaked out over the cars and motorcycle games we installed. He was happy that he could drive a real car now and ride on a real bike.

Bella made some more hot chocolate before we gathered around the Christmas tree to hand out more gifts.

Tristan and Abbey got Bella a charm bracelet and excitedly explained to her how she could add charms to her collection. The bracelet had three black diamond charms; a princess crown, a guitar and a 'T'…representing all of us.

Bella was in awe and thanked them profusely.

Tristan and Abbey got me a song book with a black leather binder so I could continue my songwriting. They also bought me a silver Gucci watch. On the back they inscribed 'The best Dad in the world' and their names.

Bella's gift to me was big and was about my height. It took me forever to peel the wrapping off. I gasped when I finally opened it.

It was three canvas oil paintings; Bella and Tristan at his birth, Abbey and me dancing at our wedding and one of all of us taken when we had the picnic in Emmett's back yard.

"Bella, this is…" I said unable to form any words for what that was. It was beautiful and I was in awe, especially with the one of Bella and Tristan at his birth. My chest constricted painfully over the fact that I've missed that day. I would give anything to have been there that day…anything!

"I didn't know what else to get you as you already have everything," she shrugged.

"You and our children are my everything, love, and this," I pointed to the paintings, "is a representation of just that…my everything!" I said. "Thank you so much," I added and leaned down to kiss her. I placed the paintings against the wall and decided then and there that I would ask Emmett to help me hang them up in our family room.

Bella smiled shyly while she held two items in her hands; a rectangular box and a brown manila envelope. "This one," she handed me the rectangular box, "is for your eyes only. And this one," she gave me the envelope, "is for now," she said with a wink.

I opened the envelope and pulled out two certificates and gasped when I saw that it was Tristan and Abbey's birth certificates. Bella changed their surnames…

Tears immediately filled my eyes. I swallowed hard. I was overwhelmed by gratitude and love.

"Bella, this…this tops everything," I whispered.

Her eyes were swimming in tears as well.

"I should have done it long ago," she said. "You deserve this, Edward," she sobbed softly.

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head a couple of times.

"Thank you, love. It means the world to me," I said with emotion.

"What is it, dad?" Tristan asked curiously.

"Well, Tris, you and Abbey are now Cullens," I said.

"What?" he asked astounded. "No way! Really?" he asked.

"Yes, really," I laughed.

"This is so cool," he yelled out with a fist pump in the air. "Thanks, Mom," he added and kissed her.

Abbey twirled and clapped her hands.

"I'm a Cullen," she sang happily.

My fingers itched to open the other gift Bella got me but I knew that my children would want to see, so I put it away in my coat's pocket.

I bought Bella a princess cut silver black diamond ring as she always wanted one. Plus, I've enrolled her into university because she wanted to study to become a psychiatrist. Her dream was to help other people that went through the exact same thing she had gone through.

"Edward," she gasped. "How the hell did you pull this off?" she asked.

"Carlisle helped me with that actually, Bella. But it doesn't matter how I pulled it off, what matters is that you'll start the next school year," I answered.

"I just…I don't even know if this is what I truly wanted. I mean, I want to help others but will I be able to pull it off? I just don't know…"

"Love," I cupped her cheeks. "You'll be an excellent psychiatrist and I believe that it is your destiny, love. You'll do just fine," I said.

Bella could do anything she put her mind to. She was driven especially with what had happened to her. I truly believed that she was born to help other girls that struggled through life the way she had. She was a victim just like so many others out there were but she was a victim that rose from the ashes of evil. She was an example to other people…an example that you could stand tall even after life had thrown you down.

"I love you," she cried softly.

"I love you," I said.

As I watched our children playing with the other toys we got them, my only thoughts were about the rectangular package inside of my pocket. I could not, for the hell of me, think of anything else. It was as if the package burned me from inside my coat, permanently reminding me that it was waiting for me to unwrap it.

I groaned out in frustration.

Bella looked at me with a cocked eyebrow and a knowing smirk. She knew what frustrated the hell out of me right now and she was enjoying it. She indicated with her head that I should go upstairs. I smiled lovingly at her.

I quickly ran up the stairs and heard Bella explain to our children that I was just going to the bathroom.

As soon as I entered our room, I pulled the box from my coat and tore the wrapping paper off. I reminded myself of an excited kid on his birthday or on Christmas, but I just couldn't contain the excitement and curiosity that bubbled inside of me.

My hands trembled when I lifted up the lid of the box. My heart jumped into my throat and I wasn't able to even swallow. Tears filled my eyes while a smile cracked on my lips. My body fell onto the bed of its own accord because my legs felt like jelly and couldn't keep my body's weight up.

"Oh my..." I gasped out as I reached out for the little stick.

"I didn't know how to tell you," Bella's voice whispered from the door.

"Bella, is this...I mean, is this what I think it is?" I asked with a thick voice.

"I'm only two weeks along," she started saying but I jumped up from the bed and took two long strides towards her, and locked my lips with hers before she could say anything more. I would listen to her now, but I wanted to kiss her and shower her with my love and gratitude.

"Thank you, Bella" I said hoarsely.

"So, you are happy?" she asked doubtfully.

"Blissfully, love. This is the best present I have ever received for Christmas," I smiled crookedly.

"I know it is still early but I wanted to tell you so that you can be with me every step of the way this time," she smiled.

"How? I mean, you said you were on the pill?" I asked.

"When Sam had me I skipped a few days, Edward, and then when we made love for the first time after that, it never even crossed my mind," she explained.

"But how did you know, love, you are still in the early stages and can't have any symptoms yet?"

"I was supposed to start my period three days ago, and I have never skipped a day or have ever been late. Only twice before - Tristan and Abbey," she answers.

"I'm-" I suddenly sobbed.

She covered my mouth with her hand and smiled lovingly up at me.

"I know it is soon and we still have a lot to work out, especially me-"

"Bella, I am beyond thrilled about this. It was something I wondered about ever since we got back together; whether you wanted more children. I want this, love, don't ever doubt that," I said.

Tears flowed down her cheeks and I quickly wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to my chest. I held her tightly and kissed her head every now and again.

"I don't want to tell anyone yet. I told you because I know how much you have missed out on Tristan...but I don't want to tell anyone when I'm still at risk-"

"Don't finish that sentence, love," I quickly interrupted her. "You will not lose the baby," I said seriously.

"I believe that, Edward, but still...I don't want to tell anyone just yet," she said.

"That's fine with me, love, but please get rid of that fear inside of you. You will not lose our baby! You had Tristan and Abbey-"

"That was under different circumstances, Edward. I'm going through-"

"No, love, it wasn't different. You were raped, Bella, and you still carried our beautiful daughter. This time you have me and my full support and you have Jane to talk to," I said.

"I guess you are right," she sighed with a smile.

The rest of our morning was spent with our children and then we had dinner plans at Emmett's house where we would spend the rest of Christmas together as a family.

More gifts were handed out at Emmett's house and we were in a genuine holiday spirit.

"So…Jasper, how's the wife?" I asked when it was just us men outside. I swallowed hard when I thought about Bella being pregnant right now, and I quickly prayed silently that she wouldn't turn into Godzilla!

"Fuck you, Cullen," he hissed.

"Hey," I showed my palms towards him, "it was just a question." I laughed.

"She's inside, Edward. Why don't you go see for yourself how she is?" he answered with a sarcastic grin.

"Guys, I wanted to talk to you about something," Carlisle said and kept looking over our shoulders into the house.

"Dad, what the fuck?" Emmett asked and looked behind him.

"If your mother was here she would kick your ass for saying that," he chuckled.

"And she would kick yours for saying that to me," Emmett laughed.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked.

"I have never told you this, but I bought an island a few years ago-"

"WHAT?" Emmett and I asked at the same time.

"You have an island and never told us that we could have a fully paid vacation?" Emmett asked in shock.

"It was my break-away place. A place I could go where no one could bother me," Carlisle explained.

"Where is this island, dad?" I asked.

"A few minutes from Brazil. Isle Esme-"

"You named it after mom?" I asked surprised.

"Yes, Edward, you know your mother has always been the love of my life. The island and its beauty reminded me of your mother in every way," he explained.

"Okay, so when do we get to meet _the _Isle Esme?" Emmett asked. Jasper and I chuckled and shook our heads at him. "What?" he asked, shrugging.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Carlisle said. "I want to take all of you there for New Year's and spend a couple of weeks there," he smiled.

"Hell yeah!" Emmett boomed and made a fist pump in the air.

"I want it to be a surprise for the women," Carlisle said.

"That sounds like a great idea, Carlisle," Jasper said. "Alice definitely needs a vacation," he added quickly.

All of us laughed at him. I thought about Bella and knew that she needed a vacation as well.

"So it's settled then?" Carlisle asked.

"Dad, you don't even have to ask." Emmett grinned like a fucking idiot. "I haven't taken time off of work for a while and I could use a vacation as well," he said.

"I'll set everything in motion then. We will leave two days before New Year's...pack everything for your wives and girlfriends because they are not to know about this," Carlisle said.

After our talk we went inside and sat in front of the fire. We had a nice Christmas...for the first time in years we had a real family Christmas and I was sure that it had dawned on everyone else that it was probably the last Christmas that we would spend with Carlisle.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Please review...

Urm I know I said previously that there was about 6 chapters left, but it seems that I was wrong. I don't jnow how many chapters are left but it's not a lot!

Review for a quick update!


	31. Chapter Thirty - Isle Esme

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all**

**Couldn't do this without my awesome beta; Browneyedgirl825. She is amazing and also helped with a few paragraphs in this chapter!**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Thank you for all the follows and favorites! You guys rock!**

**Chapter Thirty ****- ****Isle Esme**

**EPOV**

It was a week after Christmas and the day before we were leaving for Isle Esme. It was almost the end of the year; a year filled with so much pain and anguish, but also the year Bella and I reconciled. A year filled with love and happiness, but most importantly, hope. Hope for a better future. Hope for conquering our fears and come out stronger than we ever were.

To say that our lives have been perfect would be a complete and huge fucking lie. Bella and I argued a lot...

I tried, fuck; I've tried to keep myself calm. I've tried to just shut the fuck up whenever she had one of her moods, but it was hard sometimes. I know she had been through a lot but a lot of her arguments weren't even valid. Her reasoning sucked and she complained about little shit.

Like yesterday, I forgot to put my razor back in its place. Fuck me, she went crazy and started a heated argument about it. To be honest, she was full of shit, but I counted to ten in my head, took a deep breath and forced out a smile. I returned the fucking razor to its rightful place without saying so much as one fucking word.

Then, I heard that I was giving her attitude - as if I was a fucking child - and scolded me.

"Bella, I know you are going through a hard time. I know because I've been through the same thing, love, but, and I'm only going to say this once, I am not your fucking child. I've taken every bad name you called me, every unfair accusation and kept my fucking mouth shut. No more, love," I said as calmly as I could. "This is becoming a habit, a bad fucking habit if I might add, and we should work on that. I know you are irritated and on edge, but maybe you should talk to Jane about it and see if there isn't something that can help you," I added.

She started crying after I've said this and, of course, I quickly pulled her into my arms and apologized for what I've said...again!

"I don't want Jane to medicate me, Edward. I've had enough of drugs and pills," she said, sobbing into my chest.

"I wasn't talking about medication. There are other things that can calm you, love, like exercise..."

"Now you think I'm fat," she interrupted me, placing untrue words in my mouth.

I sighed.

"No, you can never be fat to me, love, you have the sexiest body to me," I said quickly.

"I dream of buying heroin and using it and it feels so good in my dreams, Edward," she admitted to me.

I let her out of my arms and cupped her beautiful face.

"Every addict dreams about it, love, it doesn't make you a bad person. Hell, I still dream about it sometimes...it just gets easier to deal with. I laugh it off now because I've overcome the bastard and I am stronger than the junkie I dream about. I've won, Bella, and you should start saying that to yourself. Look in the mirror every morning and say; I am a winner. I have kicked and beaten the big 'H'. I am strong and my willpower is stronger. I have a beautiful family who loves me very much." I smiled.

"You did that?" She asked.

I nodded, "Yes, every morning when I got out of bed and every night before I went to bed. I did this with nothing to live for and I've overcome it. You have plenty to live for, love; Tristan, Abbey, me and our unborn baby that is growing inside of you," I said lovingly while gently stroking her - still flat - stomach.

"I don't deserve you," she said.

"You should start by letting go of all this negativity," I said seriously. "You deserve me, fuck Bella, you deserve better than me actually," I added.

"Will you help me?" She asked.

"If you'll let me, love, but I can't help unless you talk to me. Like when you're having a dream, for instance, tell me about it and I will help you every step of the way," I said.

"Do you think Jane helps me?" She asked.

"Yes, I do. You have been through a lot, love, and you never went for therapy after Sam raped you five years ago. You are carrying so much emotional baggage and I honestly think that it is time to let go and heal. Be free, Bella, because you deserve this. Sam kept your spirit locked up long enough and it is time to break those chains, love, and you are the only person who can do that," I told her honestly.

"I love you, Edward," she said before she wrapped her arms around me tightly.

According to the girls, we were just staying at home for New Year's, but we guys planned something wholly different.

We were taking them to Carlisle's island in Brazil – an island I never knew even existed. Carlisle had kept it a secret all these years. It was his escape and it was the one place he could go to without being disturbed. But, he wanted to share it with us now. He wanted to show us what he did when he disappeared for weeks. My mother didn't even know that Carlisle had named the place after her and he wanted to surprise her with it.

My mother and I had become closer. It was hard at times and we, or should I say I, had a really difficult time trusting her. I didn't know her at all and couldn't tell if she was true in her actions and words. One thing that swelled my heart was when she asked Abbey to call her grandma. Abbey - innocent and pure like she was - giggled and clapped her hands. Her entire face lit up because she never had a grandma and now she did.

Esme treated her like her own flesh and blood and that alone scored some major points with me.

Plus, she had made my father the happiest man alive by coming back to him. I had no idea whether she was faking it or not but I was glad my father's eyes lived again. If she was faking it then she was a fucking good actress because her eyes...her eyes were like open windows and I could see straight into her soul, which - at the moment - revealed love, happiness, honesty and remorse.

We had to pack our girls' bags for them because we were keeping the surprise until we landed on the island. Emmett wanted to give them sleeping pills to knock them out all the way to the island, but the ashen look on my face made him swallow and apologized for even mentioning it. Bella's will had been taken away a couple of times now and there was no way in hell that I would do that to her.

Emmett's wound was healing quickly. He started therapy with his arm as soon as the stitches dissolved and he got the word from his doctor friend.

Alice and Jasper found out that they're expecting a boy. Alice cried so much because her dream came true of giving him his grandfather's names. Esme and Alice have spent thousands of dollars on baby things and I didn't even want to mention the amount it had cost to decorate the room. It kinda made me excited about Bella's pregnancy, even though she was only three weeks along now, but still, I was going to be with her every step of the way this time around. I would see her belly grow with my child inside. I would feel him or her kick for the first time and hear its heartbeat when we go for an ultrasound.

My heart filled with so much love and pride just at the thought of her pregnancy. I wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs and for all the world to hear!

Poor Jasper, I didn't even want to think how much shit he was going to be in because he packed Alice's bag. He was stressing so much that I feared he would pop a blood vessel before we even landed on Isle Esme. Emmett and I teased the hell out of him much to his irritation.

I packed bathing suits for my beautiful wife as I was planning on ravishing her every second of every day. I wanted to see her face when she opened her suitcase that would only consist of bathing suits and underwear. The shorts and shirts were packed in my suitcase, not that she would be wearing those because I planned on ripping every piece of clothing off of her body. I took Bella's size and went to a boutique and bought about twenty bikinis in all different shapes and colors. I also ordered some pretty revealing underwear that she'd be wearing to bed.

I grinned to myself.

The bikinis and underwear hardly left anything for the imagination and couldn't wait to see her in the pieces I bought.

I had to discuss Tristan's leave with his teacher and she was so kind to give me his work for the next couple of weeks so he wouldn't fall behind. I would _vacation school_ him. I chuckled to myself. That sounded weird but it wasn't home-schooling exactly.

The more I thought about it, the more excited I got about this vacation. It was definitely something all of us needed, especially Bella, Alice and Carlisle.

Carlisle...

He seemed better but I knew my father, and saw that he was getting weaker by the day. His time was running out and it saddened me. I wasn't ready for him to go. I still needed him with me. I still needed his guidance and advice.

"Dad, where is your mind?" Tristan asked me, bringing me out of my reverie about all the shit that has been going on.

I grinned and started singing the song _'where is my mind'_ by _The Pixies_. He laughed and fell on his back, throwing the control of his Xbox in the air.

"Oh, you think that's funny?" I grinned and pulled my face before I jumped up and held him captive between my arms and legs as I got up and all fours. I started tickling him with one hand.

"Dad, no...please...stop..." He laughed hard, writhing beneath me as I continued my tickling spree.

"Apologize," I said.

"No...never..." He said through his laughter.

"Never?" I asked.

"Ne...ve...rrrrr" he struggled out the word.

"Mmm, let's see what we can do about that," I creased my forehead with a grin. I quickly grabbed his foot and removed the wool sock from his foot. I held his ankle gently but firmly as I started tickling his foot. He writhed and rolled onto his stomach giving me more access to his foot.

"Dad...no..." He screamed out in laughter.

I kneeled over his back and continued my tickling spree.

He tried to kick but to no avail, so he slapped the floor with his hands instead.

"Apologize..." I said again.

"I'm sorry, dad, I'm sor...ryyyyy," he laughed.

I stopped instantly and climbed off of him. I rolled onto my back and breathed hard. Fuck me, at least my son would keep me in shape. I grinned. Well, Bella kept me in shape too...

"Aaaahhhh," I heard my son yell and before I could open my eyes to see what the hell he was up to, his entire body landed on mine, knocking my breath out.

"You're going to pay for that," he said, straddling my torso and started wrestling me.

"Oh my..." I said, still out of breath when he stood up and came back down with his elbow knocking me in the gut.

It was a routine thing between my son and me. We would wrestle all the time and to be honest, he fucking killed me every time because he used real force while I had to fake it.

My eyes bulged when he stood up again to do the same thing with his elbow. _Fuck, not again_, I said to myself. I quickly rolled over and caught him before he landed on the floor. I pinned him down and started counting but he kicked out at two and a half.

I jumped up and ran to the backyard where I knew I'd get a head start because Bella would kill Tristan if he came out in the snow without his boots on. I quickly climbed into the giant tree house I had built for him for Christmas and found a good hiding spot.

"Come out, come out wherever you are," he said mockingly. I couldn't help but chuckle. "Dad, you know I'm going to find you," he said again.

I sat in the corner and took a breather. Fuck, my stomach was still in pain from that blow he gave me with his elbow.

"Gotcha!" He yelled and I laughed hard.

"What now?" I asked.

"Now, you need to apologize for almost making me pee my pants," he said seriously.

My eyes widened.

"What? You almost peed yourself?" I asked before I erupted in laughter.

"Sure, we had all those hot chocolates and I didn't take a bathroom break while kicking your behind in Call of Duty," he explained simply. "My bladder almost exploded," he added.

"I shouldn't have stopped then," I said with a grin. "Would have loved to see you pee yourself,"

"Oh really?" He asked, grinning widely. "I would have loved to see it too because _you _would have been soaked in my urine, dad," he explained with a huff.

My bellowing laughter echoed through the backyard.

"That would have sucked," I said.

"I bet," he smiled.

He came to sit down next to me and leaned his head against my shoulder.

"Hey, dad," he said

"Mmm?" I asked.

"You're the coolest dad anyone could ever want," he said.

"The coolest?" I asked.

"Absolutely. You play with me, which is pretty awesome, but the coolest part is that you play with Abbey. Even when she plays with her dolls you play along," he said.

My heart swelled with pride. Tristan loved his sister so much and it meant a lot to him that I was playing with her. He would always join us even when she wanted to have a tea party...

"Yeah, but to be honest, the tea parties are the worst," I said, remembering how uncomfortable those tiny chairs were.

"Oh, don't remind me. I hate when she gives me a girly name," he complained.

"I hate those chairs where my knees almost touch my ears," I said.

Tristan looked at me and the both of us started laughing.

"I love you...urm...baby," I said to mock him.

"Ah, dad, not you too," he complained with a frown. "I dare you to say it again," he cocked one eyebrow.

"Baby, baby, baby, baby..." I said, swinging my head from side to side.

He jumped me again and we wrestled the morning away.

Bella and Abbey were spending the day with the girls and Tristan and I was to spend the day with the guys. It was fun because we planned our trip...yes, Tristan was a part of the plotting. It was a guy thing and he was a guy so we included him.

We were very excited about everything and couldn't wait for morning to come. Jasper was worried about his pregnant demon pixie with the long flight and all but we just rolled our eyes like a couple of girls and laughed.

Carlisle and Emmet were doctors for crying out loud.

That night I made sweet love to my wife, taking my time indulging in the feast that was before me. I took and took until I was saturated in every possible way!

"We're late, Bella, let's move," I said.

"What's the rush, Cullen?" She asked as she took her time applying her make-up.

"Just hurry up!" I exclaimed.

We already loaded our luggage on the private jet we hired, now it was just to load our girls' asses. And fuck me, it was a major task.

I groaned out loud when Bella pouted her lips and sighed. Our children were already strapped in the car and we were just waiting for Bella, whom took her time with everything this morning.

I growled and stomped my foot, "That's it," I moaned. I picked her up bridal style and headed for the door.

She slapped my chest and shoulders, kicking and grinding her teeth.

"What the hell is your problem?" She screeched.

"I've told you a dozen times that we are late, Bella," I explained. "Now I'm taking matters into my own hands..."

I carried her down the stairs and out the front door. Tristan saw what was happening and grinned crookedly while he hurriedly opened the passenger door for me. I strapped Bella in and went to lock our house.

Bella's arms were crossed over her chest when I climbed into the car and I couldn't help but chuckle. She was only halfway done with her make-up an looked cute as hell.

"It's not funny, Edward," she hissed.

"Oh, no, Bella, that's where you're wrong. It's downright hilarious," I said before I erupted with laughter.

"We'll see how funny this is tonight," she said with a smirk and cocked an eyebrow at me. I swallowed.

Why do women do that? Why do they punish us by withholding sex?

The trip to the airport went by fast. Luckily, Bella was still pissed at me so she didn't even ask one question. Her pride was too much to speak to me now, but I knew Bella and knew the curiosity was killing her. She was dying to know what we were doing at the airport. To aggravate her further, I whistled while holding both my children's hands. She refused to touch me and I was a-okay with that.

I could see all the girls' curiosity painted on their faces. Plus, it seemed that Bella wasn't the only one who was interrupted while applying make-up. Rosalie looked like a clown and it appeared that Emmett had applied it for her. Her lipstick was everywhere except on her lips. Alice was the only one that looked like she was ready for the runway. I would bet my favorite guitar that Jasper was too scared to take matters into his own hands. I didn't blame him; if my wife was a pregnant demon pixie, I would have backed off too.

I gulped. Please don't let Bella be a pregnant Godzilla, I prayed silently.

The guys completely ignored the girls, which wasn't that hard to do since neither of them wanted to speak to us. They gathered around and gossiped like old ladies in an old age home.

"What the hell have you done to Rosalie?" I asked.

Emmett snickered.

"She took her time after I've asked millions of times for her to hurry her ass up. I lost it..." He said throwing his hands in the air. "I grabbed her lipstick and rolled it around her lips and then I took the first color of eye shadow I got my hands on..." He explained

"Rosie looks like a clown," Tristan said, causing all of us to laugh. My eyes caught Bella's stare and I quickly swallowed my laughter.

"Hopefully, we'll be forgiven once they see where we're taking them," I said.

"I'm so thankful that I'm not in the dog box." Jasper chuckled.

"**Yet,** dude..." Emmett said. "You sleep at my house all the time," he added.

I chuckled.

"I bet you'll be in deep sh...trouble once Alice unpacks her suitcase," I said, swallowing the shit word.

The flight was long and exhausting. The silent treatment from the girls was no fun anymore. Emmett and Jasper's company was boring me to death.

The girls' didn't even ask one question when we climbed onto the boat and drove to the island.

If they were curious at all it didn't show on their faces.

As the island came into sight I saw the questions that lingered in their eyes and I couldn't help the grin that spread on my face.

Carlisle was the first person of the boat and when he held his hand out for Esme, I smiled happily for him.

"Welcome to Isle Esme," he said with a smile. Esme's eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, Carlisle, when? How?" She stuttered.

"A few years ago, but no one knew about it," he said.

Carlisle explained to all of us that he'd had a rich elderly patient who was alone in the world. Her husband had died years before, and when she was in the hospital prior to her death, Carlisle visited her every day, just to chat and bring some happiness to the end of her life. It pained him to know that she had no family and would die alone.

When she died, he got a letter from a lawyer. She had spoken well of Carlisle and how he made her last days a little happier. She had originally planned to leave all her worldly goods to charity. She changed her will and left everything – millions – to Carlisle. Her only condition was that he must do something frivolous with it – something to make him happy. So- he bought an island. He kept it secret from everyone – his peaceful refuge.

Now that his own time was coming to an end – he wanted to share it with his family – so we would also have a peaceful place to go – away from everything.

Esme jumped into his arms and held him tightly.

"I love you, Carlisle," she said.

He chuckled. "I love you, too, Esme. Always have and always will," he added with a smile.

We followed them to the house, which was already stocked with food and supplies for our vacation. Carlisle and Esme took the main bedroom while the rest of us chose our rooms. Abbey and Tristan had to share a room.

The house was open with floor to ceiling windows just the way Esme liked it. The interior was calm and soft...a typical beach house. Each room had its own bathroom and had cool colors; blue, green and whites.

Bella and I were in the turquoise blue room.

"I'm curious what you packed for me, Cullen," she said. Their moods have changed a little from pissed as hell to slightly excited. She wasn't fooling me, though; I knew on the inside that she was bubbling with excitement.

"Why don't you open the suitcase and see for yourself?" I suggested.

She grabbed the case and threw it on the bed. When she opened it she gasped at all the different colors of material. She rummaged through them and gasped again. She threw the case out frantically and searched through the items.

"Where are my clothes, Edward?" She asked nervously.

"It's right in front of you, love," I answered with a grin. I knew she would freak out that was why I packed her normal clothes in my suitcase.

"WHAT?" She yelled. "You can't honestly expect me to wear bikinis the whole time we're here?" She screeched on.

"Why not?" I chuckled. "You look sexy as fuck in a bikini, Bella, and this is an island where the sun shines every day. The weather is nice and you don't need more than that," I said.

"I can't believe this," she raked her fingers through her hair and blew out breaths of air through the one corner of her mouth.

I chuckled softly before I slowly moved towards her. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her from behind.

"I love the way your beautiful face scrunches up when you panic," I whispered softly into her ear.

She leaned into my arms and I felt her body relax.

"Are you still pissed at me?" I asked.

"Oh, you're in deep shit, Edward Cullen," she said provocatively and my heart started racing while my dick poked her lower back.

"Show me," I said hoarsely.

"What about the kids, and your parents?" she asked.

I turned her around and captured her luscious lips with my own. I barely touched them as I moved my lips feathery over hers. I wrapped both my hands around her neck and held her gently as my lips explored hers. I ghosted my tongue over her bottom lip before I sucked it into my mouth and nibbled slowly on the silky soft delicateness.

"I want you," she said into my mouth and I groaned loudly before I pushed my tongue into her open mouth. Our tongues started dancing together gracefully, fueling our veins with fire and igniting our bodies.

I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around my hips as I walked us to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and placed her on the countertop next to the basin. I removed my clothes as quick as I could and saw Bella followed suit.

I came to stand between her legs and looked at her beautiful, naked body that would soon have a round belly with my son or daughter inside. I trailed my fingers down the center of her breasts all the way to her navel and then to the Promised Land. My finger dipped between her silky folds and instantly found her swollen nub. I circled the pleasurable little thing and Bella leaned back further, rolling her eyes back.

"Fuck, Bella, you are so wet," I said as I dipped one finger into her hot opening. "Always so wet," I whispered hoarsely. I curled my finger inside of her causing her to writhe. I added another finger and my thumb found her clit. I flattened my thumb on the nub and rolled it in slow circles while my fingers pumped in and out of her.

"I'm...gonna...cum," she forced out as she started rolling her hips along with my motions.

"Cum for me, love," I whispered. Her eyes connected with mine and the fire of passion was burning brightly in them. It matched the scorching heat of her body and center. Bella's entire being elicited passion, lust and love all mixed up together.

Her walls clamped around my fingers before her body erupted in an explosive spasm. Spasm after spasm exploded as if she was dynamite. Her body shook and shivered as she rode her orgasm out on my hand.

"You are **too **good at this," she said out of breath.

I chuckled, "It comes naturally with you, love," I said.

"I want you fast and hard, Edward. I need it," she said, her eyes darkened instantly with lust.

"Fast and hard, hmmm, how do you want me, Bella? How do you want me to fuck you?" I asked.

"I don't care...just make me scream," she commanded.

I smiled with my fingers still buried inside her and moved them.

"Fuck, Bella, you're driving me crazy," I said and pulled my fingers out. I brought them to my lips and licked her scent off of me. "Mmmm, heaven," I said.

"Please, Edward..." She said in a trembling tone.

"Can you stand, love?" I asked.

She nodded while slowly sliding her ass from the countertop. I groaned before I captured her lips between my own. I kissed her fast and hard, plunging my tongue deep into her mouth and swirled it viciously with her own. She moaned into my mouth before her hand grabbed my cock and started moving up and down. I pulled away, "Uh-uh," I shook my head. "Turn around, love and hold onto the counter," I demanded.

She slowly turned around and I spread her legs apart. I pushed her forward and slowly trailed my fingers down her spine until I cupped her ass and massaged gently. She was the perfect height and in the perfect position.

"Are you ready for this, Bella?" I asked, rubbing the tip of my cock against her ass cheeks.

"Yesss," she forced out.

I dipped my free hand's fingers into her already soaked sex and grinned at how fucking ready she was for me.

I guided my dick to her entrance and pushed in hard and fast.

"Oh my fucking word..." She cried out when I was all the way in. The intensity between us was overwhelming and I knew we wouldn't last long. This was going to be hard and fast just like she requested.

I grabbed her hips and started moving in and out of her faster. I pulled out and plunged back in with remarkable force. Her wet walls scraped my dick every time and I almost came instantly.

My body tingled with sensation as I bent my knees while pulling out and thrust back in. Bella's feet lifted from the ground every time and fell down again. Deeper and deeper I plunged.

I unclasped one hand from her hip and moved it to her front and down to her clit. I flattened my middle finger on the nub and circled slowly while I fucked her hard and fast. I knew it was driving her crazy...the slowness of my fingers in contrast with the fast movements of my dick.

"Look at us, love, look at our love," I commanded her. Her head rose slowly and looked back at me through the big mirror on the wall. Her eyes were honey gold from the lust she craved and received from me.

"I...love...you," she said out of breath while I kept fucking her and circled her clit slowly. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she bit down on her bottom lip. One hand was holding onto the counter while she moved the other to her breast and started massaging hard and fast. She pulled and pinched her nipple viciously, licking her lips lusciously.

"Look at us, Bella, don't stop," I requested again breathing shallow and hard.

Her feet lifted from the ground every time I pushed back into her. Our bodies were dripping with sweat from our activities and my hand kept slipping from her hip, so I leaned on her back and clasped her shoulder gently while I moved in and out of her hot, moistness. Every time I pushed back in she would clamp her wet walls around my cock and I yelled out in pleasure it had caused me.

My stomach tingled and my balls ached as I came closer and closer to my release. Our sweating bodies moved in unison.

"Ed...war...dddd" she screamed as I felt her body shudder and shake beneath mine. Her walls clamped down on me hard as spasm after spasm overtook her sleek body.

I pushed in one last time as hard and deep as I could before stars elicited in front of my eyes and my body shuddered as if an earthquake erupted through me. I bit down on her shoulder, grunting her name out through my teeth as my seed filled her body.

"I love you..."I yelled hard before I sucked her porcelain skin into my mouth again. Everything became too good and I wished that it could have lasted longer. I was overwhelmed by lust and love and it felt so good spilling my seed inside of her warmness. Our juices mixed together and it drove me insane at the mere thought of us in that way.

My movements slowed down, rocking our orgasms out together until it became too sensitive to move. I released her flesh from my teeth and kissed the red marks my teeth had caused.

"Was that okay?" I asked, feeling uncertain all of a sudden. Maybe I was too rough...

"That was un-fucking-believable, Edward. We should do that more often," she said out of breath.

"I love you, Bella, so fucking much," I said with a grin.

"Mmm, I love you, too." She grinned happily.

"This is going to leave a mark," I said with a chuckle, rubbing the mark on her shoulder.

"Oh, fuck, you know I'm never going to hear the end of it," she moaned.

I couldn't help myself," I said.

I slowly pulled out of her and my body shuddered from the aftershocks of what my dick just did.

"Ung." Bella moaned loudly from the loss of contact.

"Let's take a shower," I suggested, "Because we smell of sex and sweat," I added.

She giggled.

"Ready for round two, Cullen?" She asked. She turned around and snaked her arms around my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. I had no idea if I was able to get my dick hard again, but sure as hell, when Bella kissed me and pressed her body tightly against mine, my cock jumped up and poked her abdomen.

I cupped her ass and picked her up, walking her to the shower. She opened the water and I pushed her against the glass wall. Her legs hung over my hips and I moved back a bit. Her perfect breasts were displayed in front of me and I grinned.

"I've missed these," I said before I cupped them both. I held her body up with mine as I pressed her against the glass. I sucked one perfect erect nipple into my mouth and nibbled it between my teeth, pinching the other nipple between my fingers. My cock lay between her legs and while I played with her breasts, I felt her hand between our bodies as she grabbed my cock and guided me to her opening.

I moved my mouth to her other nipple and entered her slowly, inch by mind numbing inch, until I was buried in her.

Bella started rolling her hips and I joined her. I released her nipple with a 'pop' and held her hips. This time, though, I stayed inside of her and only rolled my hips in perfect synchronization with her. I felt her clit against me as I rolled my hips and I quickened my movements.

Water sprayed onto our connected bodies causing my skin to feel hyper sensitive. I was too overwhelmed by my love for Bella. I was in pure bliss and euphoria and fucking ecstasy.

I rocked slowly without breaking our connection. Bella's nails dug into my shoulders causing me to growl with pleasure.

"I'm so close..." She whispered. I brought our bodies closer together and claimed her lips. While I nibbled on her lip and explored her sweet mouth with my tongue, my dick twitched in excitement and anticipation as I came closer and closer to the edge.

"Me too, love, me too," I hissed through clenched teeth.

The spring in my stomach coiled again and I knew I was close. I leaned back a little and placed Bella's legs over my arms to widen her legs more. Her clit was swollen to the max and peaked out from her folds, inviting me to touch the pleasurable thing.

Rolling my hips directly against her clit had Bella grunting and moaning in pleasure. Every time I scraped over the nub, she would shiver and cry out.

"Bella, I'm gonna..." I started saying before a euphoria earthquake shuddered through me. "Cum..." I said as my stomach muscles spasm tightly. My release was pure ecstasy and I could hardly see in front of my eyes.

Bella's stomach twitched and she quickly cupped her own breasts and pinched her nipples hard as she shuddered in my arms.

"I'm...I'm...I'm..." She tried to say but was unable to utter one full sentence. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and her mouth was slightly open. Her cheeks flushed with passion. I pumped in and out faster while I emptied my seed inside of her.

The both of us shuddered when I slowly pulled out of her. I leaned against her, completely spent. Our chests rose and fell together from exhaustion.

"I will never get enough of you, love," I said out of breath.

"You complete me," she uttered.

"We have to get back to the family," I said, thinking about Tristan and Abbey.

I released Bella and helped her to stand on her shaking legs. We showered quickly and got dressed. Bella was extremely happy when I opened my suitcase and revealed shorts and shirts for her.

We walked back to our families who were outside on the beach. Tristan and Abbey were playing with a ball.

"You caved, didn't you?" Rose asked accusingly.

Bella's face turned crimson and I wondered what the hell was going on.

"No, I haven't," Bella said.

"Pfft, Bella, don't lie. It's all over your face, sweetie," Alice chimed.

"Go to hell," she said back.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Don't you see, dude, they planned on cock-blocking us for a week," Emmett said sadly.

"What?" My eye bulged.

"I couldn't resist," Bella whispered into my ear. "You are just so fucking sexy and irresistible. Plus, this island had me wanting you the moment I set foot on the white sand," she whispered erotically.

"I want to make love to you on this beach and in the ocean," I whispered back.

"Mmm, let's sneak out tonight," she sighed.

"Gross," Alice squealed. "We can fucking hear you," she complained.

"I can't believe that you're so weak, Bella," Rosalie said again.

"Weak? Fuck you, Rose. I love sex with Edward and if that makes me weak," she grinned before she continued, "then I'll take it anytime. Besides, I'm stress-free now. You and Alice should try it sometime," she suggested.

"I'm pissed at Emmett," Rose sneered.

"Because he applied your make-up to get us to the airport on time? Get over it, Rose, and enjoy the fucking vacation they planned for us. Don't waste a week on the island just because Emmett took matters into his own hands when he smeared your lipstick around your lips," Bella said with a smile. I could hear the laughter in Bella's voice and knew it took everything for her not to burst out in laughter.

"Why don't you go fuck Edward again?" Rose said as a comeback.

"Don't mind if I do," Bella chuckled proudly.

"Gross, Bella, Rose, I don't want to hear that," Alice said in disgust.

"Oh please, Alice, look at your fucking belly," Bella snorts, "It didn't grow that way by itself...everyone knows you fucked Jasper-"

"Hey, leave me out of this," Jasper yelled quickly from where he was sitting all alone in front of the water. I frowned and looked down to my sister.

"Alice, I know you're pregnant and - even though I have no idea what the fuck you're going through - I think I can imagine with the huge belly and all, but could you maybe cut Jasper some fucking slack!" I hissed.

"Butt out, Ed-"

"No, fuck that, I will not butt out, Alice. I've seen that man cry over the way you treat him and, Alice, he sure as hell loves you a lot because if I was married to you, I would leave your pregnant fucking ass," I said in frustration. I've had enough of all this bullshit. Jasper was my friend and I've never seen him like this before. Sure, I've heard about the moods of pregnant women, but I thought that Alice was taking it a bit far. Instead of her pregnancy bringing them closer together, it was pushing them apart.

Tears welled up in my sister's eyes and for a moment I felt sorry for her, but then I remembered how many times she threw Jasper out of his own fucking house and how she would talk to him if something didn't go according to her plans!

No, fuck that! Alice needed to get her fucking act together now. I was afraid that Jasper would get sick and tired of Alice's bullshit and he might leave her...

"I know he is right," she cried against Bella's shoulder - who was giving me the _what-the-fuck-is-your-problem_ look! "I'm just not myself right now...I eat too much and I'm scared that Jasper will leave me if I gain too much weight. I'm so fucking horny but I'm just afraid that sex will hurt the baby..."

"Alice, honey, have you spoken to your gynecologist about this?" Bella asked sweetly. "Haven't you read pregnancy books?"

"I have and they say that it is fine...I'm still scared, Bella, because-" - she leaned into Bella to whisper into her ear but I heard everything anyways - "Jasper's dick is very big," she whispered.

"Fuck!" I pulled my face. "I can't even...Hey, Em, let's leave the girls so they could discuss our dicks in our absence," I say.

Emmett grinned widely as he jumped to his feet and joined my side. We walked to Jasper who was staring at the blue ocean.

"What's up, Jaz?" I asked.

"Nothing, man, I'm just thinking," he answered.

"Soooo," Emmett grins. "I hear that you're not getting any," Emmett said.

Jasper's head slowly lifted as he glared at Emmett. Emmett quickly held the palms of his hands towards Jasper and chuckled.

"Dude, I can't help it if Alice cries about it and decides to have a therapy session with her girls over there," Emmett explained.

Jasper looked back to where Alice was sitting and narrowed his eyes at her. She didn't even notice as she was in deep conversation with Bella and Rose.

"It isn't her fault. I kinda flipped and gave her a piece of my mind about how she was treating you," I explained quickly. "And forget about Emmett-"

"No, Edward, he is right. I haven't had sex for almost five months now because Alice believe that I will hurt the baby with...urm...-"

"Yeah, we've heard that part loud and clear, dude, you have a big dick!" Emmett chuckled.

"That's ridiculous, right? I mean, pregnant couples have sex all the time," he asked.

"Bella is explaining to Alice that your big dick won't hurt the baby," I said, holding my laughter in.

"That's probably why she is so uptight all the time. She just needs a good fuck-"

"Emmett, that is my wife you are talking about," Jasper interrupted him. "I love her. I love her so fucking much but, honestly, I don't want more children. I miss my wife. I miss the fun and loving Alice. I just...I miss everything about her before she was pregnant-"

"Jas," our heads shot up when Alice whispered his name from behind us.

Jasper quickly jumped up and apologized for if he said anything wrong but she gently placed her fingers over his lips and wrapped her arms around him. He stood frozen and shocked for a minute before his own arms snaked around her.

"Can we go talk?" she asks with tears in her eyes.

"Yeah, Ali, anything you want," Jasper whispered.

I watched them walk away hand in hand with a crooked grin. I should have given Alice a piece of my mind months ago...it would have saved my best friend a lot of sleepovers at Emmett's.

"I bet you a hundred bucks that he is going to fuck her brains out," Emmett challenged.

"I bet you two hundred bucks that it is going to be the other way around, bro. Alice is going to fuck his brains out from how she's been tense and all," I grinned.

"You're on!" Emmett yelled.

Our first day on the island was spent together as a family. I wished that I could have told my family about Bella's pregnancy but I respected her decision in waiting until she was four months. Each time I thought about it, my heart would speed up with excitement and my throat would swell as tears burned my eyes. I found myself looking at Bella's stomach all the time and couldn't wait to see how she would grow each week!

I couldn't wait to be there when she delivers our baby and I would hold him or her in my arms for the very first time. This time, I wouldn't miss it for the world. This time, I would support her every second of her pregnancy and even though I hoped that she wouldn't turn into Godzilla, I knew that I would even support her through that stage just because I have missed it the first time. I would make up for everything I have missed...

oOoOoOoOoOoO

Please review! Next chapter is done and I'm sending it to my beta today...


	32. Chapter Thirty One - Carlisle

**Stephenie Meyer owns it all!**

**This story is betaed by the wonderful Browneyedgirl825! I couldn't have done this without her! Also, she suggested a box of tissues for this chapter.**

**oOoOoOoOoO**

**Chapter 31 - Carlisle**

**EPOV**

It was a perfect sunny day on the island. The weather was perfect for us to go water skiing, but when Carlisle said that we should go without him, I suggested to stay behind with him. The family wanted to cancel the skiing plans but Carlisle begged them not to.

I smiled broadly as the boat sped away. Jasper's arms were wrapped protectively around Alice and her bump. They were acting like newlyweds; tickling each other, sneaking off in the middle of a family dinner, holding each other constantly...

Of course, Emmett lost the bet and he had to pay me two hundred bucks because as Jasper said when he came back from his 'talk' with Alice;_ "I just got my brains fucked the hell out of me". _It was funny as hell but gross at the same time. That was my sister he was talking about and it was definitely unwanted information.

But, I was happy they worked everything out before Jasper decided that he was divorcing her ass.

I went back into the house when the boat was a mere speck on the ocean. I was worried about my father.

We were in the sitting area where we played some chess but I could see the strain on Carlisle's face and knew that he was in a lot of pain.

"Dad, why don't you go and lie down for a while?" I suggested.

He shook his head and smiled sadly.

"I want to hear you play the piano, son. Will you play for me?" He asked.

"Of course I will," I answered immediately. I helped him onto the futon next to the black piano and made him as comfortable as possible.

I was nervous and there was a pain inside my chest that I couldn't explain.

I pulled the black bench out and took a seat behind the shiny piano. Memories of when I was little appeared before me; Carlisle used to love it when I played the piano so flawlessly. He would spend hours listening to my playing. He was the one who paid thousands of dollars for my piano lessons and when I was ten years old, I composed my very first piece. I named it Carlisle!

My long fingers gently rested on the white keys and before long, beautiful harmonic music filled the house. I played a few pieces from when I was angry and hurt and then played the pieces I knew Carlisle loved. I lived myself into the music I played and felt peaceful as I played the pieces I wrote whilst in love and happy.

"You are so talented, Edward. I knew the moment you laid your long fingers onto that black and white keys that you were born to be a musician," Carlisle whispered softly.

"You always wanted me to be a doctor," I chuckled.

He shook his head.

"That was until I heard you play, Edward. I knew you were going to be a famous musician someday," he chuckled softly in his warm voice, "little did I know that you were going to be a rockstar," he added.

"Yeah, you wanted me to be a pianist but even though I loved playing the piano, I just couldn't picture myself doing it for a living. I wanted to feel alive as the adrenaline pumped through my veins whenever I picked up my guitar, or whenever I set foot on the stage in front of millions of people," I said, feeling my heartbeat racing at the thought of it.

"I also knew _that_ the first time I saw one of your concerts," he said.

I raised my eyebrows and grinned crookedly, "You were at one of my concerts?" I asked surprised.

"Your very first one to be honest. You didn't have as many fans as you do today but I knew that day that you were going to make it," he explained.

"Wow," I exclaimed. "I wish I had known, dad. It would have meant so much to me knowing you were there," I said sadly.

"I know we had our differences about your career choices, Edward, and I'm sorry for all those months that we wasted on being angry at each other. I was wrong and I'm sorry, so sorry. I knew it the moment I saw you on that stage holding your guitar, and the moment you opened your mouth," he said.

"Dad, it's okay. We had differences of opinions, but at least we sorted them out quickly," I said.

Carlisle and I had a huge fight when I dropped out of school when I was sixteen. I wanted to fulfill my dreams of starting my own band and become a world famous rockstar. He was even more pissed that I had dragged Alice and Emmett along. He had hopes that Emmett would become a doctor and fulfill the Cullen legacy.

We parted angry and with a lot of bad things said between us. I was pissed at him because he had encouraged me to become a musician and when I did he wasn't happy because he wanted me to become a pianist. I loved playing the piano but I never wanted to do it for money. It was my private therapy sessions whenever I played those black and white keys, and I wasn't about to share it with the world; open my soul and heart in front of millions of people. No fucking way!

It wasn't long after that first concert that Carlisle contacted me and we sorted everything out. We were closer than ever before after that.

"I'm just glad that we sorted everything out before Bella left, son. It broke my heart to see you in so much pain. It reminded me of my own pain," he said.

For a moment I was back in that dark place ten years ago where all I knew was pain; agonizing pain. My chest constricted and I could feel the fist punch through my flesh straight to my heart, wrapping its claws around the already dead heart and ripping it from my chest.

"Edward, I'm sorry," Carlisle said, bringing me out of my reverie.

"Dad, no, don't apologize," I quickly answered.

"It was like we were back to then, son, you should have seen your eyes right now," he said

"It was a very painful time, dad, I just..."

"You relived that memory, son. Are you sure you and Bella talked through everything?" He asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. It's just hard to forget about everything we had been through because of my selfishness and fear," I said in irritation, raking my fingers through my hair.

"There's the problem, Edward. You have to stop blaming yourself for everything you and Bella went through. She had just as much blame as you did," he said. "Forgive yourself, son, forgive yourself and move on from the past because it is going to break you in the long run."

"I know you're right but I don't know how to do that," I said desperately.

"Find a way, son. Maybe you should consider seeking the help of a therapist," he suggested.

I nodded.

"Maybe you're right," I drifted off.

"Play the song you composed for me," he said with a small smile on his lips.

I turned back to the piano and lay my fingers on the keys. I wanted to tell him that Bella was pregnant. It was on the tip of my tongue because I knew he wouldn't live to see our baby. I wanted him to know that I was going to be a father again and I wanted to share my excitement and joy with him.

"Edward," Carlisle whispered. I turned back to face him and saw the weirdest light in his eyes. "I love you, son, and no father has ever been prouder of his son than I am of you," he said.

Tears filled my eyes and quickly flowed over my brims and down my cheeks.

"I love you, too, dad. I am proud to be your son," I choked out.

I quickly started playing his song and completely lost myself in it. Memories of Carlisle and me danced before me as I played through the piece; Carlisle teaching me to play football, our very first football game we saw as father and son, the time he took all of us to a picnic, the very first time he heard me play, the expression on his face when I played the song I composed for him...

The final notes of the song faded and I knew, without turning around, that my father had taken his final breath. I was terrified to turn around, and I prayed that I was wrong. I wasn't ready for him to go. I had so much to tell him and show him. I still needed him...

His eyes were closed and he never looked more peaceful then at that moment. His lips were curled into a soft smile and his hands were clasped together resting on his chest.

I slowly stood from the bench and approached him. I fell to my knees and sobbed out loud. I laid my head on his stomach and screamed from agonizing pain.

"Dad, please wake up? Please don't leave us yet, we still need you," I cried. I grabbed his shoulders and gently shook him, "Dad, please wake up," I cried again. His arms fell limply beside him and I sobbed even louder. Tears and snot mixed together as I cried for the father I have lost. The father all of us had lost. The grandfather Tristan and Abbey lost and the husband Esme had lost.

He was the head of our family; the fucking foundation and I suddenly felt lost without him.

I sniffed hard before I stood up and carried him to his room where I gently laid him down.

"I love you so much, dad, and I have no clue what I'm going to do without you. How do I go on from this? You mean so much to this family, dad, and you brought everyone back together again. How will we cope without you in our lives?" I sobbed out. "You always gave us advice and gave us a shoulder to cry on. You never judged us when we made mistakes but instead, you encouraged us to grow from those mistakes. We are stronger because of you, dad, because no matter what we did wrong in life, you never gave up on us. You believed in us," I wiped the tears from my eyes but more followed. The pain inside my chest was undescribable. My mind was numb and swirled with memories of him. Some made me chuckle only to sob again.

I had to make calls and report his death. I had to wait for everyone to return from their boat trip and share the news with them. I had to...

"Fuck!" I screamed out. "We had months to prepare for this day but we weren't really prepared, dad. We had hope and faith that you'd be with us for months to come."

No amount of time could fully prepare you for someone's death. We had months to prepare and knew this day would come but instead of preparing yourself you found spending every single second of every single day with that person was better. We have so many memories to treasure.

There were nights that I would lie awake and think of how things would be without my dad but I just couldn't picture it. I've tried to block those thoughts because it was painful and definitely unimaginable.

Right now, though, was reality. It wasn't just a thought or a dream, it was fucking reality. And it hurt like hell.

I placed a kiss on my father's forehead while tears flowed freely down my cheeks.

"Your memory will live on, dad. I love you so much," I cried softly.

I pulled a sheet over him but didn't cover his face. He looked peaceful and happy and I wasn't going to cover that up. My family would want to see him and say their goodbyes.

On his bedside table I found letters to all of us including Bella, Tristan and Abbey. I took the letters with a shaking hand, tears welling up in my eyes again. He knew he was going to die today. He knew...

I left the room, glancing back at my father, my hero, before I left the room and closed the door behind me.

I placed the letters on the table in the sitting area and only took mine.

I played his piece on the piano a couple of times remembering the man he was while my face was covered in tears. He was a good man. A compassionate man. He was a fucking excellent father and grandfather. He was a true role-model and hero.

After I played my fingers numb on the piano, I went outside to the beach. With the letter in my hand I picked a spot under a palm tree so that I could read his last words to me.

I carefully tore the envelope open and slipped the piece of folded paper from the white envelope. I swallowed hard and more tears flowed from my eyes. I unfolded the letter and sobbed softly as his familiar doctors handwriting appeared before me.

**My beloved Son, Edward**

I looked away from the letter as the tears blinded my sight. He probably knew he was going to pass away on this island and that was probably why he wanted to come here and spend his last days with his loved ones. _Oh, Dad, why didn't you say something? A warning, anything would've been helpful, _I said to myself.

**This is probably one of the hardest letters I have ever written. I knew from ****the**** moment they diagnosed me with brain cancer that I was going to die. And I was fine**** with**** the fact that I wouldn't live anymore. I've lived my life and even though I wish I could have changed a lot of things, I never regretted my life. I was blessed with three beautiful children whom made me prouder than I can ever say.**

**The problem with my diagnosis wasn't that I was dying, it was the fact that I would ****h****ave to say goodbye to you. I wouldn't see my grandchildren grow up and I wouldn't even see Emmett say 'I do'!**

I smiled through my tears as he always teased Emmett about the whole marriage thing. Emmett was immune to women after Irina and it saddened my father that woman had so much impact on us Cullen men. When we fall in love it was for life, he would always say.

**I'm so thankful that I had the ****opportunity**** to spend my last days with you and your family, Edward. It made me happy to see you so happy and to know that you are going to be just fine. Bella is a good girl an****d**** she loves you deeply. A love that ****strong**** only ****comes**** along once in your life and I'm thrilled that you've worked things out. ****I also know that Bella is pregnant - yes, she told me. **

**Congratulations, son. It breaks my heart that I won't be there to see my grandchild and to guide you through everything. I know, though, that you will be just fine, Edward.**

I looked away from the letter at the ocean waves rolling to shore. I wiped my nose and eyes with the back of my free hand. Bella told him? Why didn't she say something to me? I should have told him while I was playing the piano for him. I should have given him the news myself. I swallowed hard before I returned my eyes to his letter.

**As for those adorable children of yours, they are perfect and ****complete**** you in every way possible. You were born to be a father, Son, an****d**** I'm so very proud to call you my son.**

**I've made peace with the fact that I'm dying but the hardest part was yet to come; saying goodbye to you and the others. I tried to do it but it was just too hard. I knew my time was running out and I'm sorry that I d****i****dn't have the guts to say goodbye to you...I tried, heaven knows I've tried. The pain was just too much!**

**So I took the coward's way out and wrote you a letter.**

**Son, I love you more than words can say. And I'm sorry for leaving you while I know deep down that you still need me. But just ****remember**** that I will always be with you, Edward. My body might be gone but my spirit lives on inside of you. **

**Wipe your tears, son, and give me the brightest and ****biggest**** smile you've ever given anyone ****because**** I'm here, Edward! ****I will always be here, looking down on my lovely family...**

**I don't want you to be sad for too long over my death. I want you to live an****d**** live to the fullest. I k****n****o****w ****you are sad right now and feel like you don't know what to do without me but you still have Bella and your children. Plus, Alice is goi****n****g to need you after my death.**

**One ****last**** thing before I say goodbye; I'm proud of you, Edward. I've never been prouder of anyone than of my children. I was blessed to be your father and just always remember that I've always be****e****n proud of you. **

**I love you, Edward, ****t****ake good care of yourself and your beautiful family. Especially that Abbey-****girl**** who's goi****n****g to break**** a l****ot of hearts someday.**

**This is it, son, my greatest regret, the goodbye part.**

**T****h****ere's just no easy way to****do this so I'll just say it...Goodbye, son. My heart is in excruciating pain while writing this and I wish I could have given you one last hug.**

**Stay strong, son, and don't cry for too long! **

**Love**

**Your father**

I read through the paragraph again and sobbed loudly at his words. I was going to miss him so much...so damn much!

I heard the boat as it came closer but I didn't get up to meet them. I just sat in front of the ocean with my father's letter in my hands and cried silently. Bella must've seen the state I was in because I heard her asked Rose to take Tristan and Abbey for a walk.

My family approached me slowly. My mother gasped and covered her face before she ran into the house. She knew...

"Ed, bro, are you okay?" Emmett asked me first.

I only shook my head.

"I have some...urm," - I trailed off, drew in a deep breath that expanded my chest, and exhaled slowly - "...bad news, guys,"

"It's dad, isn't it?" Alice asked with quivering lips. Tears already pooled in her eyes and she immediately wrapped her arms around her round belly.

"He passed away..." I forced out between sobs.

Emmett took off in a sprint and ran into the house, probably to support Esme. Alice almost fell but Jasper caught her and held her tightly.

Bella fell onto her knees next to me and wrapped her arms lovingly around my sobbing body. She rocked us back and forth and tightened her arms with each rock.

"I don't know how to tell Tristan and Abbey," I whispered through sobs. "I just...I don't know,"

"Shh, Edward. I will tell them if you'd like," she cried.

I only shook my head.

"No, we'll do it together. We've always been stronger together," I sobbed.

After a couple of minutes of crying on the beach, Jasper led Alice to me and then he and Bella left us.

I cradled my sister's body in my arms and she clung to me as if her life depended on it.

"Do you remember when we told Dad that we're dropping out of school to start our band?" She asked softly.

I nodded.

"The disappointment on his face-"

"Ali, he was only angry. Dad was proud of us - all of us. Don't remember the times we've disappointed him, Ali, remember the times we made him proud! Remember the fun times and how his face would lit up whenever he saw us," I whispered softly. My heart ached because I knew we disappointed Carlisle a lot, but I would never forget his dying words; _"I love you, son, and no father __has__ ever__ been__ prouder of his son than I am of you"__._

He was proud of us!

"I can't believe he is gone," Alice sobbed and held me tighter.

"Me too," I said and sighed loudly.

Alice gently rubbed over her belly and smiled through her tears. She took one of my hands and laid it on her belly. I was about to ask her what she was doing when I felt the strong kick on my hand. I chuckled and the baby kicked again.

"This is..." I swallowed hard, "Amazing, Alice. I've never experienced this before."

"He knows I'm sad..." Alice drifted off.

"Dad wrote you a letter," I said softly, my hand still on her belly.

"He did?" she asked.

I nodded.

"He wrote for all of us. I already read mine and it made me feel better. Maybe you should read yours..."

"And you need to tell your children about dad," she said.

I simply nodded.

She moved from my lap and I jumped to my feet. We walked back to the house arm in arm; crying and laughing about memories of Carlisle.

Alice took her letter and went back outside to read it in private. Jasper tagged along with his own letter in his hand.

"Daddy, why is everyone crying?" Abbey asked me. Her eyes were sad because everyone around her was sad and she had no idea why. Tristan's face was ashen and I knew that he knew.

"Come here, Princess." I said softly and helped her onto my lap when we gathered in the sitting area. Tristan sat between Bella and me, playing with the hem of his shirt.

"Remember we told you that Grandpa Carlisle was sick?" I asked.

She nodded.

"He said that his brain was sick," she said softly and I immediately felt the tears burn my eyes.

"Well, Grandpa Carlisle passed away a couple of hours ago, Abbey." I sobbed.

I felt her tiny hands cup my cheeks and as I looked into her beautiful brown eyes, more tears escaped my eyes. Her eyes were swimming in tears and her lips trembled. Her tiny shoulders shook slightly.

"Is he an angel now?" she asked through sobs.

"Yes, Princess, he is an angel now." I croaked out.

It was as if a dam had burst. Her entire body shook as she sobbed loudly over the death of her Grandfather. It was the first time, since I knew Abbey, that I've seen her cry so heartbreakingly. I pulled her to my chest and held her tightly as I sobbed along with her.

I felt my son's body tremble next to me and knew he was crying too.

"Abs, can you go to mommy for a second?" I asked her. She only nodded and I passed her on to Bella.

I took my son's trembling hand in my own.

"Let's go for a walk," I suggested. With his hand in mine, I grabbed the letter Carlisle wrote for him and walked out of the house.

I picked a spot under a tree and the moment I sat on the sand, Tristan crawled onto my lap. He buried his face in my chest before he literally burst out with agonizing sobs. I cried too and for a long while, our sniffing and sobbing was the only sounds around us.

"Why did he have to die now?" he asked.

"I asked the same thing, Tris. I guess that it was his time."

"But we still need him...I mean, I only found him now," he sobbed.

"Oh, Tris, I know. Believe me, I know. And if it was up to Carlisle, he would have wanted to stay with you forever," I said softly.

"It's not fair," he cried again.

"I know, son." I sighed. "I have something for you," I said.

He slowly raised he head and looked at me through tears. The pain on his face resembled my own and I quickly swallowed the sob that wanted to escape once more.

"What do you have?" he asked in a trembling voice.

"A letter that Carlisle wrote for you," I smiled and handed him the letter.

He let go of me and took the letter with trembling hands. His fingers went over the ink of his name. He brought the envelope to his nose and took a deep whiff.

"It smells like Grandpa," he smiled sadly.

"It does," I chuckled. "Do you want to read that in private?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"No, I want you to read it for me."

My eyes widened and I took a lungful of air before I looked at him.

"Are you sure?" I asked with my heart in my throat.

"Yes, dad, I'm sure."

He handed back the letter and I swallowed again. Would I be able to do this? I had a hard time reading my own letter and cried through the entire letter. Now I had to read one out loud.

I slowly tore the envelope and pulled out the letter.

The letter wasn't as long as mine was but I was sure that it would be just as intense and sad.

**"My dearest Grandson" **I started reading with a trembling voice and burning eyes. The tears stung before they rolled over the brims and down my cheeks. More followed and I didn't even bother wiping them away.

Tristan was staring at the ocean but I saw the tears flow freely down his cheeks. He was so vulnerable at the moment.

**"I'm sorry that I have to leave you now, Tristan. I'm sorry that I won't see you grow up. I'm sorry that I won't be able to see you graduate and decide what you want to do with your life." **I read through sobs.

**"Even though I've only known you for a couple of months; they were the best months of my life. You brought sunshine back in our lives along with hope, love and faith."**

Tristan's shoulders shook uncontrollably and I sniffed hard.

"**I'm so proud of you, Tristan. I love you so much and it hurts to leave you. I wish I could have stayed longer but unfortunately my time has run out. The months I was blessed to get to know you were the best I've ever had."**

**"You remind me so much of your father when he was your age. You have the same determination, compassion and gentle spirit he had when he was ten years old."**

An excruciating sob escaped my lips and I noticed how Tristan was sobbing as well. I leaned down and planted a kiss on his forehead.

**"Never lose your gentle spirit, Tristan, or your determination. I can tell that you are destined for great things as you already accomplished so much greatness so early in your life."**

**"This is the hard part; the goodbye." **I read and the ache in my heart grows deeper and more painful.

**"Thank you for all the talks we had and for lighting up my life. I love you, Tristan, so much. Take care of your mother and father and that beautiful sister of yours." **I all but choked out. The sobs that racked through my son's body were more than excruciating and I quickly pulled him into my arms. Our bodies rocked together as silent tears rolled down our cheeks.

"It's so hard to believe that he is gone," Tristan said through sobs.

I gently stroked his back in comfort without saying anything. What could I have said? No words of comfort could have taken the pain over losing someone dear to you, away. I could hardly believe that Carlisle was dead.

I would never hear his voice again. I would never see his smiling face again. I would never hear his laughter again. I would never hear him say 'I love you, son' again.

Knowing these things literally killed me. And knowing my son probably felt the same and had the same thoughts that I had, increased the fucking pain levels inside my chest.

"Dad," Tristan said with a trembling voice.

"Mmm?" I hummed.

"I love you so much," he whispered and those words brought more comfort than I have ever expected it would. It made my heart all warm and whole.

I leaned down and planted a kiss on his head.

"I love you, Tristan," I whispered.

That evening we sat on the beach and shared stories about Carlisle. My mother had so many stories to tell about Carlisle from when they were younger and we practically hung on every word she said. We laughed through some stories and cried through others but what made the moment special was the fact that I could have felt Carlisle there with us. As if he was sitting right next to me, smiling at all of us.

Bella leaned onto my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her. I kissed her head and she looked up at me with teary eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I will be, love," I whispered.

"I love you, Cullen," she said.

I smiled at her as my heart filled with warmth and love.

"I love you too, Bella,"

Everyone went to bed except for Emmett and me. Emmett ran back into the house and came out with a few beers.

"I knew this day would come," Emmett sighed while opening his can of beer. "I didn't expect it to be so soon."

"I know what you mean," I sighed. "We had months to prepare ourselves for this but how do you prepare yourself for someone's death? Especially when that someone is our father?"

"Fuck, I'm gonna miss him!" Emmett whispered hoarsely and I noticed how his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

"You know what I regret now?" I asked him staring at the black ocean caused by the night.

"What?"

"That by us spending years in a band working so damn hard to become the best we missed out on spending time with our family - with dad. We have wasted precious years-"

"I know what you mean, Edward, but you can't see it like that. We haven't wasted anything, bro. We accomplished what we always dreamed about...yea, we have lost a lot of time with our loved ones but be thankful that we were given these last couple of months with dad," he said with a smile. "Don't ever regret the band, Edward; I know we have been through a lot of hurt because of the band but it is a journey that I wouldn't trade for the world!" He chuckled. "Especially the journey where I kicked your ass into rehab," he added with a snicker.

"I bet you wouldn't trade that for anything, dick," I smiled.

"I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant saving your life," he added on a more serious note.

"And it is the only ass-kicking that I have ever received that I'm grateful for," I chuckled.

We sat in silence for a few minutes thinking back at that time. Emmett literally kicked my ass. I have never been beaten up so badly, but then again, I have never seen Emmett both so livid and sad at the same time. He scared the living shit out of me; slapping me around the one moment and crying the next.

I came down from my high faster than the speed of light and after he fucked up my face pretty badly, I promised him that I would get help. He helped me pack a bag and drove me to the rehab himself. No one knew about it until I was already in the rehab.

I remember the first time I was allowed to see my family that I was only expecting Emmett. Imagine my surprise when I walked through the doors and had Carlisle waiting for me. The mixed emotions I had were unbelievable and tortured my soul with each step I took towards my father. I felt like a failure, an embarrassment to the Cullen name. But when I saw the tears in my father's eyes while he smiled at me, I felt love; unconditional love.

Carlisle held me that day like he never held me in his life. And the thing that made me break down and finally cry was when he said that he was so proud of me. I was booked into a fucking rehab. I was a junkie and a drunk and he was proud of me.

"What's that smile about?" Emmett asked suddenly, bringing me out of my reverie.

"I was just thinking about the time Dad came to visit me in rehab." My smile grew even wider.

"He was an amazing man," Emmett smiled. It was dark but I knew by Emmett's tone that he was crying and I felt the tears pool in my own eyes, stinging from the sensitivity of my already swollen eyes.

"That, he was!" I sniffed.

**oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

**Thoughts?**

**Did you need a box of tissues? Review and tell me please!**

**That was the other plot I had planned since I started this story! I know a lot of you hoped for a miracle but unfortunately I had this written before I started the story...I only added a couple of paragraphs!**


	33. Chapter Thirty Two - Get up and fly away

Stephenie Meyer owns it all!

**This story is betaed by the wonderful Browneyedgirl825! I couldn't have done this without her! Thank you so much 3**

Urm...some more tissues may be needed :'(

Lyrics in this chapter belong to crashcarburn. This is a beautiful song guys, really, has me in tears every time I listen to it, especially if you lost someone very close to you!

I want to thank every single reader who reviewed the previous chapter. Also, every favorite and follow!

I wanted to share this review with you...it touched me and overwhelmed me in so many ways. LillyZ - thank you so much! _"I have never cried so hard over a story, and I have read a lot of things in my life. I was reading this in bed, and now the mattress is literally soaked with tears._

_This chapter is sad, beautiful, tragic and some more beautiful. It made my tears pour from my eyes and my heart clench, but not just because of sadness. Carlisle's words of goodbye and some of Edward's thoughts were so beautiful..._

_I cried because of those too._

_Edward is right; it is impossible to prepare yourself for the death of a person, no matter how imminent it is or how inevitable. But I couldn't have thought of a more suitable way to say goodbye to this wonderful character. It's incredibly beautiful._

_Rest in peace, Carlisle, and you shall forever be remembered as the best father in fiction."_

BEAUTIFUL review...thank you so much!

OoOoOoO

**Chapter 32 - ****G****et up and fly away**

EPOV

Every day without Carlisle was pure fucking torture. Fuck, I've missed him so much and it had only been five days.

Five days without seeing his smiling face. Five days without hearing his voice. Five days of reality where we'd never hear or see him again!

My main concern was Bella. I worried that the stress over this would cause problems with her pregnancy and no matter how hard I tried; I just couldn't pull myself out of the pit of depression I fell into.

I was thirty one and sobbed like a fucking baby over the death of my father.

We flew back to Seattle to have a special service for Carlisle after we read a letter he left for Esme. We were surprised to learn that Carlisle wanted to be cremated and his ashes were to be thrown at his favourite spot on Isle Esme!

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I looked at myself in the mirror.

Today was the day that we had to say our final goodbyes. Today was the day that we had to let go of one of the most important people in our family; our foundation, our father, our hero!

I knew it would be hard on all of us. I knew that it was going to be an emotional day filled with sorrow, hurt and anguish.

"You've always looked handsome in a suit." Bella's voice brought me out of my reverie. I smiled sadly as I pulled on my tie. Today it felt like the tie was going to suffocate me.

I sighed loudly.

"Just know that I am here for you, Edward," she whispered and came to stand behind me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my back. I clasped her hands and squeezed them tightly as if they would give me strength.

"I know, love," I said sadly.

It felt like my heart was literally broken.

The church was packed with all of Carlisle's friends and family. Most of them wore black and I couldn't have helped the cynical chuckle that escaped my lips. Carlisle would've hated this; he was a happy kind of person who loved color. That was why we - his children, grandchildren and wife - wore colorful clothes. It was what he would've wanted.

The front of the church was covered with pictures of Carlisle; from his wedding with Esme, from his doctor years and from us - his children.

My eyes filled with tears when I recognized a picture with Carlisle holding me as a baby. His eyes sparkled with love and his lips had the widest smile which displayed his white teeth.

The one that made me sob softly was where he sat with all of us - Emmett, Alice and me. He had a content look on his face and displayed pure happiness and unconditional love.

Esme had this done and I was overwhelmed with emotion for my mother. She made sure that everyone in this church would know how happy he was.

There were a few pictures of recent times with Carlisle which had Tristan and Abbey in them as well.

Abbey crawled onto my lap as soon as we sat in our pew. I held her close to my chest as if she gave me strength.

The pastor preached about Carlisle in such an awesome way that it had left me breathless. He talked about how he knew Carlisle from way back and that he was the kindest, most compassionate man he ever knew.

Emmett stood when his name was announced and walked slowly to the pulpit! He cleared his throat before he took a white sheet of paper from his pocket.

"Today is a really sad day for us as we are gathered here to say goodbye to a really awesome person. Carlisle was extraordinary in every way possible," Emmett whispered hoarsely and wiped a few tears away.

"My father never saw the bad in people and believed that everyone had something good in them. He never gave up on anyone and when he loved, he loved unconditionally." He sobbed softly.

"I can stand here all day to tell you how wonderful my father was because that is how long it will take to share all of his qualities with you. I'm not going to do that though, because if you really knew Carlisle, you'd know what kind of person he was," Emmett said with a small smile.

"Dad-" his voice broke and Rose stood to join him and held him tightly, "I'm gonna miss you so much and I will never forget you. I'm proud to be one of your children and I'm proud to have had such an amazing father. Your compassion and love will live on inside of all of us," he said with a trembling voice.

"I love you," he choked out before he grabbed the paper and held onto Rose for dear life. They quickly walked back to their seats and I heard sniffling sounds fill the church.

Tears flooded my face when I heard Emmett's heartbroken sobs above all the rest.

Alice was next to say something about our father and I wondered if she'd be able to pull it off. I was also worried about her pregnancy.

Abbey cupped my cheeks and gave me a sad smile before she moved from my lap to her mother's.

"Daddy, I don't know how we will cope without you for the remainder of our lives. You held this family together and guided us through every obstacle that came our way," Alice said through tears.

Jasper held her tightly when her knees almost gave way from the pain she experienced over the loss of our dad. Her tiny hand grabbed the dress over her heart and she fisted the red material between her fingers. It was obvious that her heart felt like mine; broken, cracked and dead.

"You were taken from us too soon and even though you made peace with your sickness and death, we still wanted you here. We still need you," she whispered.

"Your body may be ripped from our lives but your place in our lives and hearts will never be empty. Your spirit lives on in all of us..." She sobbed loudly and I couldn't contain my sobs any longer.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and sobbed loudly as I had to listen to my brother and sister's cries.

"I love you, daddy, and I will never forget about you. You were an amazing man and an inspiration to all of us. Rest in peace, daddy, and wait for us because we'll see you one day in the Kingdom of Heaven," she said sadly before she broke down in Jasper's arms.

He practically carried her back to her seat as she had no strength to stand or walk.

It was my turn and I hoped that I would be able to pull of what I had planned. I hoped that I had strength to stand there and honor my father.

Bella squeezed my hand before I got up and walked to the pulpit. I stared at all the unfamiliar faces with my broken heart pounding in my throat. I had to swallow the sobs away but the tears flowed down my cheeks like a waterfall.

"A very important person was ripped from our lives and it hurts, dammit, it hurts beyond repair," I started my speech.

"Even though we knew that this day would come, we hoped that it was just a dream. We hoped that he would be with us for years to come and that we would see his smiling face every day," I said sadly.

"Dad, you were not only a husband, a father, a grandfather or a friend. You were my inspiration, my rock...my hero," I said before a sob racked through my body.

"I will miss you everyday of forever; I'll miss your smile, your voice, your guidance, our talks, your advice...but most of all I'm going to miss your love and compassion," I whispered.

"You were proud of me even when I didn't deserve it. You loved me when I wasn't even worthy of that love and you never gave up on me even when I was at my lowest point in life," my voice cracked and I rubbed my chest hard. It had been a long time since I did that and I remembered that it never helped soothe the pain but it was something I did whenever I hurt.

"Today I say farewell to you and can't wait to see you again, dad. I love you, dad, my inspiration, my best friend, my hero," I sobbed.

"I have written a song for Carlisle and would like to share it with you," I said to everyone.

I held my hand out for my wife and she came forward with an acoustic guitar. I had wanted Bella to sing with me but she said that this was something I had to do, not only for Carlisle but for myself.

I strummed the chorus and closed my eyes, blocking everyone out. I saw my father holding his arms out for me when I was seven years old and fell down. I saw how I ran to him and he cradled me protectively in his arms.

"_You always had the biggest dreams. _

_From the ground we'd watch you float above the trees. And, oh, I wish we could've seen how high you might have flown with more time."_

I sang as I felt the warm tears slipped from my closed eyelids and rolled slowly down my cheeks.

"_The way you fought was something fierce. A heart like yours we just assumed would beat forever but I choose to remember you with the sun on your face_,"

I sang with a sob stuck in my throat. I missed him terribly and the pain was almost unbearable.

"_Now get up and fly, _

_get up and fly away, _

_heaven needs you now._

_I know you wanted to stay but heaven needs you now."_

My fingers trembled as I strummed the song. My heart was beating painfully hard from the excruciating pain I felt over my loss.

_"I know you're somewhere out there now, _

_far beyond these things we'll never understand._

_And though your body let you down the same will not be said for your memory, dad. I hope that you can hear me sing, a song for every single year you'll never have. But I choose to remember you with the sun on your face," _

I sang with overwhelming passion and emotion that coursed through my heart.

_"Now get up and fly,_

_get up and fly away _

_heaven needs you now. _

_I know you wanted to stay but heaven needs you now..."_

I sang the chorus a couple more times as tears streamed down my cheeks. The last time I sang the chorus I basically sobbed it out as my emotions weren't stable.

_"Heaven needs you now..." _

I choked out and strummed the last notes.

My knees gave out and I fell to them. Heartbreaking sobs racked through my body and echoed through the church as I silently said farewell to my dad.

I felt two pairs of arms wrap around me and opened my eyes for the first time. Emmett and Jasper picked me up and led me back to my seat but not before I noticed how the entire church was bawling their eyes out.

Esme wanted to say something but wasn't sure if she would be strong enough. She was a mess and I didn't blame her for not saying something in front of this church.

Our private jet was ready for us to fly back to the island in the morning with Carlisle's ashes.

Charlie took Tristan and Abbey for the day and promised to bring them back before our flight.

I was lost; my heart, soul and spirit felt empty at that moment. The driven urge inside of me for heroin killed me. The pain was too much and I remember how heroin took that away all those years ago.

"Hey," my wife's voice made my head shot up. "Let's get into the Jacuzzi and just relax," she suggested.

"Urm, I don't know, love, I don't feel like doing anything-"

"Edward, I can see the urges in your eyes. I see it because I have the same urges when things get rough. Let me take your mind off of things for a bit?" She pleaded.

Her brown eyes pleaded with me and the love that shone through them was enough to make me sob all over again. I had no idea what I would've done without her right now; she was my rock, my strength, my everything!

"Okay, love," I said with a poor-ass smile.

Bella ordered me to get in while she was busy in the kitchen.

I had no idea what she was doing but I stripped myself and climbed into the bubbly hot water. It almost calmed me instantly as the hot water bubbled around my naked body. I leaned back and rested my head on the towel pillows Bella placed there and closed my eyes with a trembling sigh.

Today was hard! Saying goodbye and letting go was the most difficult thing to do!

My eyes cracked open when I felt her hands on me. I didn't even hear her get in...

She straddled my body and looked deep into my eyes.

"I love you so much. I know you are hurting and I know nothing I say would take away your pain but I want you to know that I am here and that I love you so fucking much," she whispered while rubbing her hands tenderly over my arms and shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'm so fucking sorry," I sobbed out before I pulled her down to me and clung to her as if my life depended on it. Her arms went around my body and held me tightly to her chest as I wept.

"You have nothing to apologize for," she whispered sadly.

"I know I've apologized before, love, but I need to do it again. I need you to know how sorry I am for rejecting you all those years ago. I'm sorry for the scar I've left on your heart, for hurting you in the worst possible way," I cried out. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you were pregnant-"

Her hand clasped my mouth and she looked deep into my eyes, my soul.

"I love you and forgive you. It's time to forgive yourself," she cried.

"That's what Carlisle said," I whispered, remembering his last conversation.

"Then do it!" She grabbed a fistful of my hair and laid her forehead against mine.

My hands gripped her hips before I hungrily sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. I nipped on the soft lip before I released. Our lips moved together slowly and tenderly.

Her hips started moving as she grinded her core against me, slowly.

My tongue darted out, begging for entrance and slowly pushed in when Bella's lips parted. The warmth of the inside of her mouth made me groan and when our tongues touched it felt like heaven. The taste of her warmth made my body tremble with need, so much fucking need.

"I need you, Bella, I need you so fucking much," I hissed out.

"I'm here, I'm yours, Edward, take me. Take from me what you need," she uttered in pure passion.

My hands released her hips and slowly crept up her ribcage where I tenderly cupped her fuller breasts. She threw her head back when my thumbs rubbed over her nipples.

Her hips made circular movements as she desperately craved friction between her legs. I massaged her breasts slowly and tenderly not rushing anything. My dick was hard and strained with need but I needed tenderness and love.

One of my hands slowly crept down her stomach to her center where her heat burned my fingers. Even though we were in water, I could feel how wet she was when my middle finger easily slipped into her opening.

"Ung, fuck, Edward..." She moaned while she slowly moved her lower body on my finger.

I pumped in and out of her before I removed my finger and slipped it upwards to her clit. I rubbed slowly in circles and watched how her eyes rolled back into her head.

"Stop!" She gasped.

A frown creased my forehead in confusion.

"I want you inside me when I cum, Edward," she gasped out.

Her arms snaked around my neck and her fingers curled into my hair at the nape of my neck. She raised her lower body and I reached down to guide my dick to her opening. She lowered herself onto me slowly and we gasped from the sensations it had caused.

Her walls clamped down around my hardness and for a few seconds we only fathomed around the different emotions our connection had caused.

"I love you, Bella," I breathed out hard. Her love surrounded me and overwhelmed me.

"I love you, too," she said while her body trembled with anticipation. She leaned down and kissed me softly. Her tongue ghosted over my lips and prickled my body with electricity.

Bella started moving slowly, rolling her hips and grinding her lower body on mine. I gripped her hips and helped her move to my every need and desire.

Her fingers tugged on my hair while she made slow love to me. Her face was so beautiful and her eyes dilated to a honey gold from the lust and passion her body felt.

It was just Bella and me at that moment. Nothing else mattered but our connection. Nothing else mattered but our souls, spirits, hearts and bodies connected as one.

Bella slowly raised herself before she lowered herself back down onto my dick. I felt her walls clamped and it caused extraordinary sensations inside of me.

"I...ung...love...ung...you," I cried out in passion.

The familiar spring coiled inside of me and I knew I was closer than close.

"I'm gonna...ung...oh, fuck, cum..." She moaned between her movements before her body erupted in spasms. She shook and shivered atop me. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and the most beautiful flush of pink covered her cheeks. Her lips formed an 'oh' and it was heaven watching her cum.

I rose my hips in a fast movement before stars erupted in front of my eyes. My stomach muscles contracted as I came fast and hard. It felt wonderful and overwhelmed me so much that I felt tears prick my eyes and rolled over the brims down my cheeks.

After our bodies calmed down from the sensations we caused, we sat and stared at each other. She wiped my cheeks before she claimed my lips for a passionate kiss.

"You are everything to me," she whispered hoarsely.

"I needed that, love, thank you!" I whispered.

I had almost forgotten about what I had right in front of me. I was so drawn into my own pain and misery that I have pushed Bella away and two hours ago almost went out to search for a drug dealer.

"I know, Edward, that's why I suggested it," she said. "I saw how you pulled yourself away from me and it hurt but I know why you did that. Tonight, though, I saw something different in your eyes and knew it was time to intervene."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, love. I just didn't know how to deal with this...it hurts and it drives me crazy that I'm not able to deal with this pain," I confessed.

"It'll get better. Time heals all wounds and I know you'll get past this in a healthy way," she said, "With your family by your side, supporting you every step of the way."

"How did I get so lucky?" I asked with a genuine smile.

"Oh, I don't know, but I'll tell you a little secret," - she leaned in and cupped her hand around my ear - "I'm actually the lucky one, Cullen!"

"Fuck, I love you so much," I said with raw emotion as my love for Bella overwhelmed me once more.

"I love you, too, Cullen."

That night I made love to Bella again and again in our bed. It felt good and familiar to be buried inside of my wife again. I hadn't made love to Bella since Carlisle's passing because I was so consumed by my own loss and pain that I kinda pushed her away for a bit.

My wife just showed me today that I was nothing without her, that I would be lost without her.

Charlie brought Tristan and Abbey back early the next morning. Charlie accompanied us to the island this time.

"Dad, you look better," Tristan said when we boarded our jet.

"I feel better, Tris. I'm sorry that I was a bit out of it for the last couple of days-"

"Dad, I understand. If I were to be in your shoes, I probably would've acted the same way. I miss him too," he interrupted me.

"We'll get through this together," I smiled. My heart was in pain but I had a family to focus on...a family Carlisle reminded me of in his letter. He begged me not to cry too long and to take care of my family.

All of us were extremely sad when we stepped onto the island. We remembered how excited Carlisle was and how he told my mother about the island.

I could still see his smiling face and how content he looked. Every day we shared with him on the island was a blessing and we saw a completely different side of Carlisle on the island.

My mother clung to the urn that held his ashes and a few tears escaped her eyes when she stared at the spot where Carlisle first told her about Isle Esme.

I untangled my fingers from my wife's and approached my mom.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly.

She nodded slowly and bit down on her bottom lip.

"I miss him and hate myself for all the time we lost because of me. I wish I could turn back time, Edward, because I've wasted years-"

"Mom," I interrupted her and pulled her into my arms, "You can't change the past, however, you can do something about your future. Yes, you've lost years with Dad but be thankful for the time you spent together. Think of all the wonderful hours you shared with dad and don't linger on the bad. It will destroy you," I said.

"I just feel so empty without him," she cried softly.

"All of us do but - like Bella said - time heals all wounds," I said with a smile. "Besides, dad wouldn't have wanted us to be sad all the time. It will sadden him when he sees us sad all the time...he wants us to live life to the fullest."

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too, mom." I smiled and hugged her tightly.

Bella and Rose made lunch and we decided to say our final goodbyes afterwards where we'd scatter Carlisle's ashes on the island.

I had a surprise for my family later on. I had a headstone made that would stand on one of his favorite spots: near the waterfall. I ordered it before we left and they promised me that it would be done when we returned.

"Daddy?" My daughter said my name and I turned to her.

"Yes, Princess?" I asked.

"Are we saying goodbye to Grandpa today?" She asked, sucking her lip into her mouth and nipped on it.

"Yes, Princess..." I said sadly.

"I don't want to..." She said softly and I noticed how her lips quivered.

"None of us do, Princess, but I think it will be good for all of us," I said. I didn't really know what to say because the situation was fragile.

"I miss him," she uttered sadly.

"Oh, Princess, I miss him too. But I know he is watching over us and that he would want you to smile - that beautiful smile of yours - at him."

She raised her head to the heavens and the brightest, most beautiful smile appeared on her face. Her eyes sparkled and her face glowed with joy.

"I'm sure that that smile just made Grandpa Carlisle's day, Princess. I'm pretty sure that he is smiling back at you right now," I said.

If only everything in life was as simple as a smile from a child. If only we handled every situation like a child...our lives would be so much easier.

After lunch we took the sad hike to the waterfall. Our feet felt as heavy as our hearts the closer we came to Carlisle's favorite spot.

I saw the headstone before anyone else and smiled. It wasn't anything fancy and Carlisle wasn't that type of person. The words were simple 'In loving memory of Carlisle Cullen'. I had his date of birth and date of passing carved on the granite and then all of our names. And then I had a special picture made that was taken before his death. He looked so peaceful and content.

Gasps were heard when they saw the memorial stone.

"Who did this?" Alice asked. "It's beautiful..."

"I organized it before we left," I answered.

"Wow, Ed, this is...it's amazing," Emmett said.

"I just wanted something here that would honor his life," I whispered.

"It's perfect, Edward," Esme cried.

She opened the urn and sighed loudly.

It was time...it was what he wanted and it was time to say our final goodbyes.

"We want you to sing that song again, Edward," Emmett said. "It was a beautiful song and dad would've loved it," he added with a sob.

I started singing the song with Bella's arms wrapped tightly around me. Her presence gave me strength and I sang my heart out.

_"Get up and fly away...heaven needs you now,"_

I sang the last words while Esme tipped the urn and we watched how Carlisle's ashes fell out and twirled around and around until a small breeze took his ashes up and away.

Tears flooded my face as I watched my dad's ashes fly away. A raw sob escaped my mouth and I fell to my knees drowning in sorrow.

"Goodbye, dad," I whispered softly. "You are now free from the pain of cancer and the pain you had to suffer on earth. Rest in peace..."

OoOoOo

Thoughts? Tissues?


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